All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

Offensive Child Training

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Do you ever feel like you are always on the defensive in raising your children? Does it seem like you are forever “putting out fires,” being a “referee,” acting as “judge and jury,” or disciplining? It can appear that way in our home, and I find it becomes very wearisome for me when this is the case. I would rather be on the offensive with my children, but how is this accomplished?

First and foremost is the area of prayer. Prayer is the arena where we truly let go of raising our children in our own strength and rely on the Lord. We will obviously be bringing our children’s needs to the Lord by defensive praying, but we can also be praying positively for our children through offensive praying.

Praying Scripture is a great way to be on the offensive with our children. We can pray some of Paul’s prayers, “Lord, fill Nathan with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That Nathan might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made Nathan to be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light” (paraphrased from Colossians 1:9-12).

There is another way to be on the offensive concerning child training and that is through what I will call character-teaching sessions. What would happen if you set aside fifteen minutes each day to “work” on character needs? I think this small amount of time would go a long way in helping to prevent daily problems with the children.

For example, this summer we were teaching our younger children to answer with, “Yes, Ma’am. No, Ma’am. Yes, Sir. No, Sir.” This was being accomplished by dropping one M&M into a mug with their name on it each time they respond in the desired fashion. At an approved time, the children would be allowed to eat their earned M&Ms. We also made this into a game for character-teaching time.

“Jesse,”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Please pick up the Legos.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” I popped two M&Ms into his mouth and another one when he returned after finishing his pick up.

“Anna,”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Mommy wants you to take these socks and put them in the dirty clothes hamper.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Again, two M&Ms were immediately given and a third one offered when she returned. We continued until all the little tasks were completed, and would you believe they didn’t want to stop even when I couldn’t find anything else to do?

This training was so successful that the children were saying “Yes, Sir” to Nathan, our twenty-one-year-old son. Nathan was pleased enough with this show of respect from his younger brothers and sisters that he purchased a three-pound bag of M&Ms, and another one of Skittles, to continue the character-teaching rewards.

Let me share another example that was recently sent to me by a mom who has begun setting aside a character-teaching time for her children each day. This mom says,

“I also have a half-hour block at 8:00 a.m. called ‘Training Time’ and so far I have taught the 4 older children (ages 7 and younger): how to wash their hands with soap in the bathroom without making a mess or pumping out half the bottle of soap; how to quickly get down from the table, put their dishes on the counter, wash their hands and face, and go into the toy room; and how to do the morning routine properly (get up, dressed, make bed, tidy room, look at a book on their bed). They actually enjoy the practice time since I am calm and not stressed, and it’s fun to have everyone else watching them as they do a task right. I have seen how just this little bit of practice has gone a long way! I think I will keep a list of things I want to teach them (like where to stand when someone rings the doorbell, how to quickly get their seatbelts on, answering the phone correctly, etc.) posted on my fridge, like you suggested a while back.” Tracy

I feel so much better when I am doing something constructive to help my children with their behavior. We can make it into an enjoyable time, so that they hardly even realize they are learning a beneficial character trait. The time may be devoted to issues that have to do with manners and routines. This is important when we consider how much of our nagging and reminders go toward things like, “Did you brush your teeth? Don’t forget to hang up your clothes! Where do boots go when we take them off? Please wait patiently for your turn in the bathroom.”

We can also use this time to discuss situations that might occur between the children and how they could deal with them in a manner that would be pleasing to the Lord. We could even play-act some typical scenarios that occur regularly and practice the right responses in them.

So, what about your home? Are you always on the defensive? Do you think it would be worth investing time in prayer and teaching to be on the offensive? May I encourage you to consider this a wise use of your time.

Keys to Disciplining Children

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It was the last day of school. Sarah had planned a highly anticipated party for Joseph, John, Anna, Jesse, and Mary. There were water balloons, a toss game, races, soda, cookies, and chips to be enjoyed. However, before the games could begin, the bickering had started. Children were being sent away from the party for unkind behavior. When they were allowed to return, there would soon be another incident. A fun-filled morning was beginning to feel like a disaster. Determined to not let these difficulties destroy the festive mood of our day, we continued happily through the party, dealing with discipline issues as they arose.

Discussing the troubled last day of school with Steve on our next date, I said I was not sure I really wanted to take the two weeks of school vacation we had planned, if they were going to be like the last day of school had been.

I began praying and asking the Lord how I should handle the upcoming vacation days. I quickly realized that I was disappointed with the children’s behavior because I saw it was going to have an impact on MY vacation. I had wanted to have two weeks off. I wanted them to be perfect children so I could take a break. The Lord reminded me that my expectations needed to be straightened. I had to let go of what I thought I had to have to enjoy the vacation days. The Lord’s calling on my life to bring up my children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) did not end when vacation started! As a matter of fact, this was the perfect time to really focus on some of their weak areas, since there were not the normal schooling demands on our time.

With changed expectations, we entered our vacation, and the children lived up to those new expectations. There were numerous situations calling for discipline each day. As I was working diligently at being consistent with the children’s discipline, I was quickly becoming “weary in well doing,” wanting to “reap” right away (Galatians 6:9).

Again, I sought the Lord for help. He brought this question to my mind. If I truly believed, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13), what did that mean about any discipline the children might need? I realized I was relying on my parenting, my discipline, and my consistency, but not the Lord because I was not praying with the children when they were in need of discipline. It seemed the way to rely on the Lord for this teaching time in the children’s day was to spend a portion of that time in prayer.

It may be that some of you are already doing this, but I certainly was not. It took too long. I was prone to lecturing the children instead of spending that time praying with them. This prayer time became very fruitful. I was alone with one child. I would pray first. Sometimes I would need to start by asking the Lord’s forgiveness for feeling frustrated or discouraged, or maybe for having an impatient or resigned spirit toward the situation. This has become a sweet time for me as it gets my focus off the problem and onto the One Who can work it out.

The next thing I would pray has proved to be much more powerful than a lecture. “Lord, this child wants to be a wise child. He could have chosen to be kind and waited for the toy rather than trying to grab it away. Lord, You want us to learn to have a servant’s heart. You want us to love each other and to be patient. Please forgive this child for his unkindness. Help him to see his need to cry out to You when he is tempted to be unkind. Please give him strength to not do this again. Thank You Lord, for this opportunity to learn and to grow in You.” This prayer says all I would say in a lecture, but it is strong where my lectures are weak. I am calling out to the One Who has told me, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Then my child is given the opportunity to pray out loud with me. This child needs the peace of God to guard his heart, and I need it to guard my heart. Both of us could become discouraged if we feel we are trying to overcome these problems on our own, in our strength. If we focus on the problem, then we feel failure. If we focus on the fact “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28), then our hearts are right.

I can’t tell you that in those two weeks my children became perfect. I still have to battle discouragement over their behavior and my expectations that they will not need any correction. However, I know we are doing what the Lord would have us to do when we pray as we face these teaching opportunities. “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

What about you? Do you take the time to pray with your children when they need correction? Are you relying on your strength as a parent to change the behavior of your children? Are you calling out to the Lord, setting the example for your children, and showing them how to rely on the One Who has numbered the hairs on their head?

Evaluating Your School Year

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As this school year draws to a close, do you begin to think about what your children have accomplished over the past months? Does your mind fill with thoughts about what to use for school next year?

You may be excited about the academic and character growth of your children through the past nine months. Praise the Lord! This is exactly what God would have us thinking about our year. He would have us look for the growth, benefits, blessings, and anything positive that we can focus our thoughts on. He wants us to be grateful for what He has done in and through our homeschooling. Will we delight in it?

Perhaps these thoughts are far from you. You may even be thinking, as I have from time to time, that school would be a better place for your children. May I encourage you that this is not true. Sending your child out to a school will not ease whatever difficulties you are experiencing with him at home. God has placed both of you in an environment where, day in and day out, you are faced with problems and forced to work on them.

Let me share an analogy concerning character deficits that we may see in our children. I will use a specific one, but this could apply to any of them. Children do not learn their multiplication tables by reciting them one time. They learn them by repeating them over and over, day after day. In a similar way, a child who lacks self-discipline in applying himself to his schoolwork will not, with one correction or encouragement, become a diligent child. He may not become diligent even with a year, or two, or three. However, perhaps with ten, or twelve, he will.

Are we, as mothers, willing to pay the price? Will we choose not to grow weary in training up our children so that when they are old they will not depart? It is a sacrifice on our part. It takes great reliance on the Lord and the setting aside of our desires to see quick results. Be encouraged! The battle is not ours, but the Lord’s!

What about next year? How would the Lord have us approach our plans? I think He would have us commit those thoughts and plans to Him in prayer. It will be of greater benefit to us, and our families, if we will keep our thinking regarding our next year’s school focused on the Lord rather than on any “comparison” thinking regarding other homeschoolers. It is an easy trap to begin feeling like everyone else is doing more with their school, having better results, or using a curriculum that is more effective. However, the Lord has an individual plan for each family based on the needs that are found there. May we set our hearts to seek this plan out with our husbands, and then be committed to following it.

These past few weeks, as Steve and I were praying and discussing schoolbooks for next year, we were faced with a decision. Sarah has loved one of her school courses this year, particularly because of the self-paced, work-text format of the curriculum. She would have been very pleased to use that curriculum for all of her studies next year. In one of the workbooks of this course, though, was the summary of the story of Dracula. As we prayed about the curriculum choices for Sarah, we came down to feeling we could not go wrong by following the principles of purity and holiness the Lord has placed on our hearts. Therefore, we chose, with Sarah’s wholehearted approval, a publisher whom we have not known to compromise by presenting evil in their materials.

If we do have areas of concern about our children’s character or their academics, how can we best approach it? Again, seeking the Lord in prayer is always the starting place. I will frequently bring a problem to Steve. He says to me, “Let’s pray about it.” A few days later, after a prayer focus on the situation, we will discuss the problem when we have a quiet, talking time. We will see what the Lord is leading us to try. Even with a “plan” on how to work with the problem, we still need to be committed to keeping it as a prayer focus. Here again, the battle is not ours, but the Lord’s.

May we take these last weeks of our school year as a time to rejoice in the Lord’s goodness in allowing us the privilege of teaching our children at home. May we reflect on the growth and blessings that have occurred over these months. May we cry out to the Lord for His wisdom and direction for decisions regarding next year.

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Trials

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I was lying on my bed trying to do my Bible study. Instead, I couldn’t keep from crying. Some difficulties with the children had discouraged me, and the tears were flowing. At 10:30 p.m. the phone rang.

“Mom, it’s Nathan. My car just spun out, and I am sitting in the median. I’m not hurt, and the car isn’t either. A guy stopped to help me. He’s going to try to get me out. I wanted you to know so you and Dad could pray that we can get it out.”

Nathan, our twenty-one-year-old son, was returning from a long weekend retreat with a friend. Driving home, he had entered into freezing rain. While driving fifty miles per hour on the interstate, he hit a patch of ice.

Suddenly, the troubles of a few minutes ago didn’t seem so important any more. We now were thinking about life and death. God’s hand of mercy and protection were greatly evident in the events of the accident. I continued to cry–for another reason. Steve immediately knelt down at the bed to pray. He praised the Lord, thanked the Lord, and petitioned the Lord.

The little trials God sends my way are not sent to discourage me. For me, right now, these trials usually have to do with my children. Your trials may be different. Trials are meant to get and keep my focus on the Lord. Where will that focus be? Will it be on me–my failures, my inconveniences, my feelings? Or will it be on the Lord?

Lately, too often, I have allowed my thoughts to dwell on the small, negative things happening around me. Then I am caught in a trap of discouragement. Sometimes this discouragement so overwhelms me that I can’t even begin to think the right thoughts. Then I cry and feel defeated. Of course, these are the times I most need to call out to the Lord rather than allow my mind to continue to dwell on me and on what is going on. The truth is that sometimes I can’t even do this. When that is the case, I have to make myself take out my spiritual notebook.

My spiritual notebook is a large three-ring notebook that I was encouraged to begin five years ago. It has ABC tabs and normal tabs. Behind the ABC tabs, I have pages of Scriptures for specific needs. As I find a verse that has special meaning to me, I will write it on a page under an appropriate topic. Verses to help with discouragement are written on a page filed after “D” and ones on discipline on another “D” page. There is a page for verses on sin, love, fear, patience, thoughts, etc.

One of the tabs has pages of special spiritual notes, book notes, and handouts. Another section has areas in which the Lord has dealt with me in the past. This includes Scripture and encouragement He has given me that I have written out. When I read through the Scripture and notes in this notebook, I begin to have the right thoughts and focus, even though I haven’t been able to have them on my own. These verses are familiar ones. They are verses that have ministered to me and met my need in the past, and they continue to do so. I have to take what little steps I can, leaving the emotionally distressing situations behind as I go to be alone with the Lord to seek Him. To be honest, even this step can be difficult for me in the midst of an emotional storm. However, if I will go where I know the truth is, the Lord reaches out to meet the need.

Last night, after the call from Nathan, I realized I was allowing little things to take too much of my attention. Steve encouraged me to stop thinking negatively about things and get my focus back on the Lord. Doesn’t that sound right and easy? But again, when I am allowing my emotions to run my thoughts, it is not easy. So I, a little facetiously, asked Steve exactly how I was to do this. His response was that I needed to put my energy into crying out to the Lord in prayer, expressing my concerns and inability to speak truth in my heart.

Knowing he was right, I also recalled the words of our pastor that morning. He was preaching on God’s purposes for storms–physical storms–and drawing analogies to God’s purposes for allowing storms in our lives. He was encouraging us not to try to hide from the storms, in storm shelters, but to let God work His purpose in us through the storm. If my heart’s desire is truly to know Jesus Christ and be conformed to His image, why am I not willing to accept difficulties that will cause my heart to look to Him?

I decided one way to get my mind back on the Lord was to read in Psalms. I started reading Psalms 91. I was stopped as I read verse 4, “. . . his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” That verse spoke to my heart and my need at the time. To move my thinking from myself to my Lord, I needed this thought of God’s faithfulness. Concentrating on Who He is and what He has done put my attention where God could use it positively. I was able to recall the verse throughout the day. It was a comfort and encouragement to me, keeping my heart on the Lord, not on myself.

Do you have times when your thinking is off track; perhaps emotions are controlling those thoughts in a negative way? Does it seem impossible to get them back on the Lord and on His truth? When this is the case, don’t allow yourself to continue that way, but take one tiny step. Get out your Bible or spiritual notebook, and put God’s thoughts back into your mind. Then allow those thoughts to push out the wrong ones. Let them speak truth to your heart, and believe them, whether you feel like it or not. Your heart will be at peace once more; you will be filled with true thoughts; your mind will be focused on Jesus Christ, not on your own self!

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A Meek and Quiet Spirit – Some Real-Life Examples and Failures

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It seems that I can’t let a year go by without a Mom’s Corner dealing with a wife’s need for a meek and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

I wonder how many of us were born with meek and quiet spirits. I know I was not! This is something that God began pointing out in my life several years ago. He did this in what I considered a most unusual way. He began to make me aware of my interactions with my husband, viewing them as an outsider would.

Here are some things I heard myself saying to my husband:

“Honey, who was that on the phone? What did they want? Well, what did you say?”

“Steven, did you see what Joseph just did? No matter how many times I tell him he still does it.”

“Have you made a decision yet? I asked you about this on Monday, and I am feeling like I should know what we are going to do.”

I needed to learn, and am still in training, to have a meek and quiet spirit. Often a meek and quiet spirit, for me, would translate into a quiet mouth. If my husband chooses to share a phone conversation with me, I am pleased to have my curiosity satisfied. If he does not, it is good for me to trust God to give me information that I am interested in or might need to know. Should Steve forget to tell me something important, it may become known at some point. Then if he feels badly about having forgotten to tell me, it is a lesson from the Lord, not a controlling wife!

When Steve was home, I wanted him to be the one to correct the children. However, I also felt it my duty to point out what the children were doing that needed his attention. How much better it is when I am quiet. It is quite presumptive of me to think I know best what the children are doing that would need correction. This has been clearly illustrated to me during our evening Bible time. I wanted to keep telling the little children to be quiet, sit still, or perhaps put down a toy. You know what? My speaking to the child was as disruptive to our Bible time as what the child was doing. I found that if I would just sit very quietly with my mouth tightly closed, Steve would take care of anything that was a distraction to him. It is a great relief to not have to be “in charge” but just to sit and let my husband do what God has called him to.

It is a relief, but it is not easy! Everything within me so often wants to push, control, and some would say, nag. Usually, if I will be quiet, all will work out just fine the way Steve does it. The times it might not, it is so much better to have that realization come from the Lord and not from me.

Another area that has been difficult for me is to learn not to correct my husband in front of others–even sweetly. What does it matter if we did this thing on Monday or Wednesday night, as I would be prone to point out if he said the wrong one? I have discovered that, even if it does matter, it is better to be quiet and maintain our testimony than to correct my husband in public. There is seldom anything that important. Truly, if misinformation was given, I believe it would be better for my husband to call the person later and correct it than for me to have spoken up publicly.

Despite knowing I do not want to do this, as recently as Saturday morning this happened. Steve was driving a group of moms and girls from our church to a baby shower because of bad road conditions. I stepped into his conversation to clarify something I thought the ladies might misunderstand. Almost as quickly as the words were out of my mouth they seemed to shout back at me in accusation. I am glad, because I do want to learn these lessons. In my pride, I do not like to continually fail in something that is pretty cut and dried–don’t correct your husband in public, including in front of the children!

Something amazing has happened over these past three years that God has had me in this training course, Meek and Quiet Spirit 101. Steve’s love for me has grown. It has been so exciting for me to see God use an area where He showed me I needed to become obedient. He has poured out His blessing in a way I did not foresee.

May I encourage each of you who are wives to honor, respect, and love your husband by asking the Lord to teach you to have a meek and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in His sight. May we treat our husbands as our leaders and not be controlling. May it never be said by an outsider watching our interactions with our husbands, “I know she wears the pants in that home.”

Review of Shepherding a Child’s Heart

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When I read a review on a new book called Shepherding a Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp, I was quite interested. I purchased the book a year and a half ago and have read it through two times, planning to reread it once a year. The things Tedd Tripp said about our children’s hearts made sense.

We do not deal simply with behavior issues, but rather with the heart from which the behavior comes. If, by the firmness of my discipline, I gain the compliance of my child’s actions but not his heart, we still have a long way to go. Mr. Tripp says, “A change in behavior that does not stem from a change in heart is not commendable; it is condemnable. Is it not the hypocrisy that Jesus condemned in the Pharisees? In Matthew 15, Jesus denounces the Pharisees who honored Him with their lips while their hearts were far from Him. Jesus censures them as people who wash the outside of the cup while the inside is still unclean. Yet this is what we often do in child-rearing. We demand changed behavior and never address the heart that drives the behavior.”

This book dealt with how we can use situations in our homes that require discipline or teaching to help our children look at their hearts. Rather than addressing a fight over a toy by trying to determine who had it first, we are encouraged to show each child the sinfulness in his heart that caused the offense. Mr. Tripp encourages us with, “Your concern is to unmask your child’s sin, helping him to understand how it reflects a heart that has strayed. That leads to the cross of Christ. It underscores the need for a Savior. It provides opportunities to show the glories of God Who sent His Son to change hearts and free people enslaved to sin.”

This is important to me. Although I do desire good behavior and attitudes in our home, my greater desire is for my children to learn to see their sin, ask forgiveness for it, and seek Jesus’ help in forsaking it. Good behavior and attitudes will naturally result from this. My children struggle with kindness toward each other practically every day. As a mother, I would much rather have a child who humbly admits his selfishness and asks forgiveness for it than one who pridefully defends his behavior. I also tend to be more lenient with a child whom I feel has a genuinely repentant heart than with the one who cannot, or will not, admit fault.

Mr. Tripp also says, “You must understand, and help your child to understand, how his straying heart has resulted in wrong behavior. How did his heart defect to produce this behavior? In what characteristic ways has his inability or refusal to know, trust, and obey God resulted in actions and speech that are wrong? . . . You must learn to work back from the behavior you see to the heart, exposing heart issues for your children. In short, you must learn to engage them, not just reprove them. Help them see the ways that they are trying to slake their soul’s thirst with that which cannot satisfy. You must help your kids gain a clear focus on the cross of Christ.”

I have not found this to be easy for two reasons. First, it takes time to have these discussions with a child, and often they are needed at an inconvenient time. Second, I will sometimes not be able to convince my child that his behavior was wrong. He will strongly defend what he has done, usually based on what another did to him. Often, if I confront him with a question, which asks him if Jesus would be pleased with his behavior, the answer is rather simple. Whether it is easy, or whether the time is readily available, it is my goal to address the heart of my child. That is one of the main reasons we homeschool. What better use of the time even if it does interrupt Joseph’s math or John’s phonics? As a matter of fact, this year I have planned extra time into my one-on-one school with each child so that I will have time to handle interruptions when they need to be addressed.

Mr. Tripp also mentions, “Secondly, you must be actively shepherding the Godward orientation of your children. In all of this you must pray that God will work in and around your efforts and the responses of your children to make them people who know and honor God.” The longer Steve and I parent, the more we see our need to be constantly crying out to the Lord for wisdom in parenting our children, for our children’s hearts and attitudes, and for their future and direction. Our own efforts may produce “good” children, but we want children whose hearts are turned fully to the Lord. This will not come about if Steve and I are only faithful in our personal walk with the Lord. We must also fulfill what He has called us to as parents, being totally dependent on the Lord to work in the hearts of our children.

There is much more that this book talks about, which I do not have the space for in this Mom’s Corner. I have read many Christian books on raising children. Most of them have a focus on manipulating a child’s behavior but don’t deal at all with the heart from which that behavior comes. I think Shepherding a Child’s Heart is a valuable resource for our homes. I hope, if you have not read it and choose to, that it will give you encouragement and direction.

Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Shepherd Press, P.O. Box 24, Wapwallopen, PA 18660 or (800) 338-1445.

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Child Training

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“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17). Does this characterize your children and your home? I must admit that there are times my children do not give me rest or delight my soul. When this happens, my first reaction is to groan inside with the thoughts, “Oh no, not again!” If my children are not delighting my soul or giving me rest, I have come to realize that the issue can fall back on me. I have become lax in discipline. I don’t like this responsibility. I would rather have gentle reminders bring about results. “A servant will not be corrected by words: for though he understand he will not answer” (Proverbs 29:19). This can characterize my children.

Sometimes there are days when the constancy of my children’s infractions has worn me out. I can become very discouraged by it. Considering our younger children, we have several we are working on such basics as: closing the bathroom door when they enter, flushing the toilet and washing hands, putting shoes or jackets in the closet when removed, brushing teeth without reminders, chewing with their mouth closed, and others. Since we begin teaching the children proper behavior in these areas as soon as a child is capable, one might think these habits would be developed by now. There is good news. These are not areas we are working on with our older children, so consistency does pay off!

I have come to see that the big picture can be overwhelming to me. By big picture, I mean tackling all the problems at once. However, if I focus in on one particular area, we often will achieve success. For example, four-year-old Anna was not putting her shoes in her bedroom when she took them off. She did this several times a day. This not only cluttered the living room and caused others to stumble over them, but sometimes it made us all have to go on a hunt for the shoes when they could not be found. We decided she needed to learn to take her shoes and socks to her bedroom and place them beside her bed whenever she took them off. First, we discussed this with her, and I showed her what I wanted her to do. Then for a few days, I would remind her if she forgot. “Oh, Anna, I am sure you are not planning to leave your shoes and socks in the living room, are you?”

I also looked for a creative consequence for failure. If I have too many creative consequences for different areas we are working on, I forget them! So again, I try to have one major focus at a time. The consequence in this case was to be practice. After the teaching and reminding, I would quietly call her back to the living room if she left her shoes there. In a sad voice, I would say, “Anna, I am so sorry you did not put your shoes where they belong. I want you to take them now and put them by your bed. Then come back and tell Mommy.” When she returned I would ask her to go get the shoes and bring them back again. Next I would say, “Anna, you did not remember to put your shoes by your bed when you took them off, so I want you to practice by taking them and putting them there again. Report to me when you are done.” I would have her do this two or three times.

It was amazing how much that little girl could dislike practicing putting her shoes away! I also highly praised her when she remembered to make that trip down the hallway to her bedroom. I would report her success to the other family members in front of her. She did learn to carry the shoes to her room when she took them off, although, as I write this, I think I have seen them out again lately. Maybe it is time to “practice” again.

Often to help me avoid getting frustrated over some of these discipline areas, I will write them on a list or on the whiteboard. Sometimes I do not have time to address a problem. If I write it down, I know I will not forget it, and I remember to deal with it later. For instance, when I go downstairs to put Jesse down for his nap, I might see clothes out in the bedroom or toys that have not been put away. Calling one of the three boys who share this bedroom to come pick up, when it is time for Jesse to get to sleep, is not a good option. I make a mental note about the problem and write a physical note when I get upstairs so that it can be corrected after naptime.

Another reason writing down the problem helps is that with a little time it may not be as emotional or upsetting to me. I might realize I was making a mountain out of a molehill. It will also give me time to pray and ask the Lord what to do about the situation. Sometimes frustration comes because I know we have a problem, but I am not doing anything about it. Maybe I don’t know what to do. I simply need time to pray about it. With it written down, it won’t be forgotten if it is important enough to need attention that can’t be given or figured out at that moment.

Working on one problem area at a time helps me, too, because in order to be consistent, I must be the one who is trained. Once I made a list on the white board that said, “Train Mom to: send children to wash hands before meals and after meals, ask if they flushed the toilet, turned the light off. . . .” When we decided it would be a good idea for our children to respond to us with a, “Yes, Mom,” or, “Yes, Dad,” I would say something to a child and get no response. I would then say, “Yes, Mom,” for that child. I laughed with Steve at how well I was trained in saying, “Yes, Mom.” If I can remember to work in the weak area, or to check on it, we will usually have some measure of success. That is why keeping the number of things to focus on small helps me to be consistent. If there are too many, they all slip away from me.

Evaluate your home life for areas where peace is lacking. Do not be discouraged! Instead, be committed to working toward peace by tackling one area at a time that needs attention. Teach your children with a meek and quiet spirit. Be positive. Praise them for little successes. Look for creative, reasonable discipline for failure. God’s Word is always true, “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

Finding Quiet Time for the Lord

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Last month in the Mom’s Corner, I shared with you a key to the treasure of spending time on the priorities the Lord has given each of us. This month I want to give you the key to our success in life as a woman, wife, mother, home teacher, neighbor, and Christian. This key comes from the key we talked about in September, but is of vastly greater value. Despite its importance, this key is often not used because there is not time; other needs seem more pressing. This, though, signals an even greater urgency to use the key.

What is the key I am referring to? It is “time alone with Jesus Christ.” There is a reason this key comes from last month’s key. For us to have time alone with the Lord, we are going to find we must plan that time into our day. If we choose to take it during a free, quiet moment whenever we can, we will probably come to the end of the day and realize it has not happened. We will decide to try again tomorrow. The cycle will be repeated the next day and the next day.

We are foolish women if we think we can get through our days the way the Lord wants us to in our own energy and strength. Where does our dependence on the Lord come from? Where do we get our daily manna? Isn’t it from our private time alone in the Word, in prayer, in memorizing Scripture, and meditating on it? I know how absolutely crucial this time is to me. Is my life busy and full? Could I spend this time doing something else? Absolutely! Is there anything else I could use this time for that would produce more lasting or greater benefits for my family or me? NO!

How, practically speaking, do you find time for quiet moments with the Lord in the midst of all the responsibilities and demands of a homeschooling mom? You pray, look at your day, and are creative. You make your quiet time a planned part of your day and remain faithful to it.

Does it have to be early in the morning? No, but I believe that is the best time. You start your day with your focus on the Lord, your heart seeking Him. If you have little children it is easier to not have disturbances if your quiet time is while they are still sleeping. Will it be hard to get up earlier? Probably. However, why make up your mind that you are too tired to get up and fear it rather than try it?

For years, I felt I needed eight hours of sleep to function well. I also struggled regularly with long sleepless nights. About a year ago I changed to seven hours of sleep at night with a short rest in the afternoon. It has been wonderful. I sleep great at night. Had you told me two years ago that I would have to survive on seven hours of sleep a day, I would have been sure I could never make it.

There have been times when early morning devotions did not work out for me. Did that mean I stopped having devotions? No! I planned time during the little ones’ afternoon naps for that time with the Lord. It was a part of my day just like making dinner was.

Another common feeling about time with the Lord is that you barely get started with fifteen minutes or a half hour, so, why bother? Why not wait until you can find the large amount of time you really want? The reason is that day after day will go by when you never find an hour to spend with the Lord. How much better to consistently, day after day, spend a half hour with the Lord, finding it adds up to three and a half hours a week, than to always look for the hour or two that never appear.

Steve and I go to bed at 10:30 p.m., and the alarm clock goes off at 5:25 a.m. I go in to nurse Mary and then have a half-hour devotion before family morning Bible time at 6:25. I spend ten minutes reading a chapter in the Bible, picking a verse that is meaningful to me, copying it in a notebook, and writing a short prayer concerning it. Then I have the next ten minutes for memorizing Scripture and doing a study on the verse I am working on. The last ten minutes is my prayer time. Could I easily spend more time? Without a doubt! However, I am grateful to spend the time I have and offer it to the Lord for Him to use.

This summer I was battling discouragement over some issues with the children. By early afternoon, I felt like my hands were dragging on the ground. I was so worn out from dealing with these issues! As I was bemoaning my discouragement while sewing one day, the Lord showed me that I needed to spend extra time with Him. My unhappiness with the situations and stewing over them produced no benefit, only negative consequences for my family and me, as I moped around. However, turning those needs to Jesus Christ, the One Who carries our burdens, provides peace and rest through trials, and has direction for working through those difficulties, would produce benefit. I began getting out my spiritual notebook and getting on my knees at 2:00 p.m. each afternoon for another half hour. That extra time with the Lord was like a banquet to a starving person!

Here is a story I think we can all relate to. “Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:38-42).

Our lives as wives, mothers, and home teachers are filled with Martha activities. Let us not give up what Jesus Himself says is better. The foundation for everything you do in and out of your home grows from your relationship with Jesus. Plan that time with Him every day. Be faithful to it. Use the key that will give you the desires of your heart.

A Homeschooler’s Key to Time Management

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Four jumpers, two culottes jumpers, two vests, two baby outfits, one skirt, putting ruffles on ten baby outfits turning them from pant sets to dresses, plus keeping current on mending projects. That is the list I came up with as I thought back over my sewing the past eight months. “How do you find time to sew?” you ask. I’d love to share my time management key that will help busy homeschooling moms.

Time Management by the Half Hour

This special key is “a half hour a day.” I have planned in my day a half hour of sewing every afternoon during the week. It takes time to get the project out and to put it away so sewing time is only twenty to twenty-five minutes a day. Over the course of a year, just a little bit each day adds up to–four jumpers, two culottes jumpers, two vests . . .

You might think, why bother for such a few minutes to actually sew each day? For me the slow, steady progress and accomplishment is better than not getting any sewing done at all. If I did not have this time set aside for sewing, I would not get around to it. Other, more urgent things would easily fill this time space. Therefore, if you call at 1:30 p.m., Sarah will answer the phone and tell you I am busy. You will know I am in doing my sewing.

Homeschooling Time Management

If you call at 3:30 p.m., Sarah will also tell you I am busy. You might ask, “Now what is she doing since school is over for the day?” Once more I will share the key to my treasure. I had a desire in my heart, for a couple of years, to have reading time with my little children. Between homeschooling, household chores, meals, babies, and toddlers there always seemed to be something to keep me from sitting down and reading to my precious children. This time the special key is fifteen minutes a day.

I scheduled a fifteen-minute reading period for Joseph and John. The next year I added another one for John and Anna, when Anna was old enough. Finally, two years later I included a separate one for Jesse. This adds up to forty-five minutes of my afternoon. Because it started with only fifteen minutes, added on a little each year, and is planned and set aside just like our morning school time, it happens every day. It is cherished time, looked forward to by both the children and by me, special close time. It is time where I am doing what I have said is my priority rather than being driven by the urgent.

Last year John, my then kindergartner, came to me begging to learn to read so he could read his Bible. With a new baby, I had not planned to teach him to read until first grade, but how could a mommy turn down such a request? Though I wanted to fulfill his desire, I could not come up with even a half-hour block of time to work with him. I prayed about it and discussed it with Steve. Then the Lord showed me I had some fifteen-minute time segments throughout my day that I could devote to phonics with John. As we got started, I found four of these times. That was probably better for his attention span than a solid hour would have been!

Homeschooling and Individual Child Time

I will give you one more key to my treasure. This key is a half hour once or twice a week. Again, I had a yearning in my heart to have one-on-one time with my little children. However, as usual, the weeks would fly by with the normal routine and no individual time with a child. Then the Lord showed me that even if I could not spend individual playtime with each child every day, I could do it once or twice a week. So we started preschool two times a week. Each little one takes a turn, individually, to spend time with Mom. Are they unhappy that it doesn’t happen every day? No, they look forward to their preschool day. As they grow older, preschool time no longer fits the age so the title changes to fun school. I spend this time with one child where he gets to pick an activity to do with Mommy from a list of fun educational choices.

Priorities and Homeschooling

What is the treasure that I have been giving you my keys to? The treasure is time spent on the priorities God has led me to have. The Lord has given us each the same number of hours in our day and responsibilities that we must fulfill during this time. We can always be driven by the urgent, or we can take control of our days. We can set aside time for not only the responsibilities, but also those God-given heart desires.

These are examples from my life. Time management makes the difference for me as a homeschooling mom. What about you? What project have you put off now that you are homeschooling because there isn’t time to finish? What have you wanted to do with your children but are always too busy for? Seek the Lord to see if He would have you spend any of your time in these areas. If He directs, try my time management ideas for homeschool moms by planning fifteen minutes or thirty minutes each day at a set time and make those things happen. See how even a little bit, day after day, can net satisfying results at the end of a month or year. Try the key to time management for homeschool mom, which the Lord has given to me. Perhaps it will be a key to time management for you too.

Weariness

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“Today I am weary.” That was a part of a letter I recently wrote to a friend. Her response was very encouraging to me, so I asked if I could use it in a Mom’s Corner. Here is what she said.

“The purpose of this fax is to encourage you to keep laying the foundation. I know that you do not want to quit; keep building. Rest, if you must, but don’t you quit. These years will be over so quickly. There will be no more diapers to change (of children belonging to us); no more babies to nurse; no more toddlers to crawl into our lap or to tug at our skirts or to open the door to the bathroom when we are in there. All too soon the door will stay shut; our laps will be empty; there will be time to do all the ‘things’ that we think we’d like to do. But Teri, will that make us happy? No. What will bring joy to our hearts are the memories we hold of our children, and of the times we had together with them. So, let us make diaper-changing a memorable experience. Let us build memories while making supper. Let us lay the foundation for future generations, moment by moment, in the lives of our children.” Sandy

This is so good for me to keep in mind. I am always having an influence on my children either for good or bad, whether I am rested or weary. When I am tired, feeling overwhelmed, can I let go of what I think I have to do? What will count for eternity? What do I want my children to remember about me? Will they remember a mom who fussed and nagged at them? Will they remember a pleasant, tender mommy who smiled at them, loved them, and encouraged them even when she was tired? Our attitude and how we approach a situation makes all the difference! Does it matter if all the schoolwork is finished, the house is tidy, and the laundry done? I don’t want it to if the only way to accomplish it is with negative emotion from me. Yes, these things are goals I will work toward, but please, Lord Jesus, only when I can pursue them sweetly and patiently.

What opportunities the Lord gives us each day to learn to depend fully on Him! I am not capable of being the mother I want to be, and that I know He wants me to be, in my own strength. I am aware of that every day when I see how I react naturally to things that are difficult. I want to learn to cry out to the Lord for His strength, grace, and mercy throughout my day. I can testify that as we have hearts that desire to please the Lord, He does the work in us. He has worked many changes in my life from a mommy with three small children who could hardly wait until they were in school full time to where I am now. Was it a special formula? Seven steps to change? An overnight miracle? No, but a faithful Savior working in a sinful mother’s life over the course of twenty years.

Perhaps you are caught in the middle of an overloaded schedule. If irritation is creeping into your interactions with your children, can you ask yourself, “Will this count for eternity?” When you are exhausted, will you rest and let tomorrow’s worries take care of themselves? “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” (Matthew 6:33-34). Build the foundation with your children one moment by one moment.

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