As I entered my forties, younger women whom I counseled or encouraged would occasionally refer to me as a “Titus Two” woman to them. This term comes from Titus 2:4-5, which outlines specific areas in which older women are to teach the younger women. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Having me referred to as a “Titus Two” woman made for a few rounds of laughter at our dinner table when my family teased with, “Mom, you know what that means? You are an OLDER woman!”
One day I was thinking about my own teenage daughter in relation to Titus 2:4-5. I realized as she grew up she was going to be looking for a “Titus Two” woman in her life. I wanted to make sure I had made a concerted effort to be that woman for her even before she felt a need for one.
I knew that being my daughter’s “Titus Two” woman would grow naturally out of a healthy mother-daughter relationship. However, as I evaluated my time usage, I noticed that I was encouraging Christian homeschooling moms via e-mail each day. I also would usually meet with a local homeschooling mom on a monthly basis in a mentoring relationship. I desired to invest dedicated time such as this in my own daughter’s life.
I began the process by scheduling a monthly outing for just my daughter and me. This is exactly what I did when a friend asked me to mentor her. Why not do the same with my daughter? While my oldest daughter and I had occasional excursions together, it was not on the regular, consistent basis I wanted. I always had good intentions of going out with her. However, in reality, time slipped away with no “feet” being given to the intentions. I found that when evening came, I didn’t have the energy left to take my daughter out unless we had planned it ahead of time.
For about four years, Sarah, my nineteen-year-old daughter, and I have gone out to eat together on the first Monday of the month. We both look forward to this special time. Occasionally, Sarah will invite one or both of her younger sisters to join us. Generally, though, this is an evening for just Sarah and me. Sarah often brings up areas she is struggling with in her personal life. We can discuss these issues and find biblical ways to deal with them. She feels the freedom to ask questions and bring up topics she might not be comfortable talking about at home where little ears are always about. During our evening out, we talk with each other, relax, and enjoy the freedom of not making or cleaning up dinner. I plan a simple dinner for the family at home that Daddy and the children can easily make. We are even a bit practical by running errands after we eat. Both of us have fond memories of these past four years’ outings and can hardly believe we have been having them for that long!
The second purposeful way I set out four years ago to be my daughter’s “Titus Two” woman was by planning weekly time to study together. This wasn’t to be study such as we did in school. I wanted it to be much more personal—a sharing of hearts, not simply learning academic information. “To be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands”—these have been my curricula and guidelines as Sarah’s “Titus Two” woman.
Sarah and I scheduled our study time. My days were already filled to the brim with homeschooling and caring for a house full of children. Sarah had her own school time, working for her dad, household helping, and much more. I prayed, asking the Lord for creativity in finding the needed minutes for Sarah and me, knowing this would be quite a task. Our study time was planned for a half an hour two nights a week, right after the younger children went to bed. We purposed to be faithful to this appointment. However, we gave ourselves some leeway since if we missed our time together one night, there would still be another night that week to meet.
These study times together are rare opportunities for Sarah to relate to me as another woman, an older sister in Christ, rather than strictly as her mother or her homeschool teacher (when she was still a part of our homeschool). Since this is not part of our school, there are no grades or expectations other than that she want to grow in her relationship with her Lord Jesus Christ. Sometimes our study causes us to be very serious and even grieved as we evaluate our lives in light of Scripture. Other times we laugh and are silly.
I am very grateful as I look back on these past four years for what the Lord has done in developing my “Titus Two” relationship with Sarah. It would have been so easy to stay busy with life and to ignore this vital area. Often, when a friend finds out about my monthly outings with Sarah, she will say, “Oh, that is such a good idea!” I completely agree!
What about you? Are you seeking opportunities to be your daughter’s “Titus Two” woman? Even if your girls are young you can focus some of your conversation on “Titus Two” topics. If your daughter is a teen, then it is even more imperative that you are teaching her specifically in the areas Titus 2 lays out for older women to teach younger women. May we give the same time and opportunities to our own daughters to learn from the lessons the Lord has taught us that we give our friends. Mother, may I encourage you to be your daughter’s “Titus Two” woman.