Monthly Archives: April 2001

A Daughter’s Titus Two Woman

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As I entered my forties, younger women whom I counseled or encouraged would occasionally refer to me as a “Titus Two” woman to them. This term comes from Titus 2:4-5, which outlines specific areas in which older women are to teach the younger women. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Having me referred to as a “Titus Two” woman made for a few rounds of laughter at our dinner table when my family teased with, “Mom, you know what that means? You are an OLDER woman!”

One day I was thinking about my own teenage daughter in relation to Titus 2:4-5. I realized as she grew up she was going to be looking for a “Titus Two” woman in her life. I wanted to make sure I had made a concerted effort to be that woman for her even before she felt a need for one.

I knew that being my daughter’s “Titus Two” woman would grow naturally out of a healthy mother-daughter relationship. However, as I evaluated my time usage, I noticed that I was encouraging Christian homeschooling moms via e-mail each day. I also would usually meet with a local homeschooling mom on a monthly basis in a mentoring relationship. I desired to invest dedicated time such as this in my own daughter’s life.

I began the process by scheduling a monthly outing for just my daughter and me. This is exactly what I did when a friend asked me to mentor her. Why not do the same with my daughter? While my oldest daughter and I had occasional excursions together, it was not on the regular, consistent basis I wanted. I always had good intentions of going out with her. However, in reality, time slipped away with no “feet” being given to the intentions. I found that when evening came, I didn’t have the energy left to take my daughter out unless we had planned it ahead of time.

For about four years, Sarah, my nineteen-year-old daughter, and I have gone out to eat together on the first Monday of the month. We both look forward to this special time. Occasionally, Sarah will invite one or both of her younger sisters to join us. Generally, though, this is an evening for just Sarah and me. Sarah often brings up areas she is struggling with in her personal life. We can discuss these issues and find biblical ways to deal with them. She feels the freedom to ask questions and bring up topics she might not be comfortable talking about at home where little ears are always about. During our evening out, we talk with each other, relax, and enjoy the freedom of not making or cleaning up dinner. I plan a simple dinner for the family at home that Daddy and the children can easily make. We are even a bit practical by running errands after we eat. Both of us have fond memories of these past four years’ outings and can hardly believe we have been having them for that long!

The second purposeful way I set out four years ago to be my daughter’s “Titus Two” woman was by planning weekly time to study together. This wasn’t to be study such as we did in school. I wanted it to be much more personal—a sharing of hearts, not simply learning academic information. “To be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands”—these have been my curricula and guidelines as Sarah’s “Titus Two” woman.

Sarah and I scheduled our study time. My days were already filled to the brim with homeschooling and caring for a house full of children. Sarah had her own school time, working for her dad, household helping, and much more. I prayed, asking the Lord for creativity in finding the needed minutes for Sarah and me, knowing this would be quite a task. Our study time was planned for a half an hour two nights a week, right after the younger children went to bed. We purposed to be faithful to this appointment. However, we gave ourselves some leeway since if we missed our time together one night, there would still be another night that week to meet.

These study times together are rare opportunities for Sarah to relate to me as another woman, an older sister in Christ, rather than strictly as her mother or her homeschool teacher (when she was still a part of our homeschool). Since this is not part of our school, there are no grades or expectations other than that she want to grow in her relationship with her Lord Jesus Christ. Sometimes our study causes us to be very serious and even grieved as we evaluate our lives in light of Scripture. Other times we laugh and are silly.

I am very grateful as I look back on these past four years for what the Lord has done in developing my “Titus Two” relationship with Sarah. It would have been so easy to stay busy with life and to ignore this vital area. Often, when a friend finds out about my monthly outings with Sarah, she will say, “Oh, that is such a good idea!” I completely agree!

What about you? Are you seeking opportunities to be your daughter’s “Titus Two” woman? Even if your girls are young you can focus some of your conversation on “Titus Two” topics. If your daughter is a teen, then it is even more imperative that you are teaching her specifically in the areas Titus 2 lays out for older women to teach younger women. May we give the same time and opportunities to our own daughters to learn from the lessons the Lord has taught us that we give our friends. Mother, may I encourage you to be your daughter’s “Titus Two” woman.

In His Image

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Special Note – Before you read any Dad’s Corner, may I share a caution? Dad’s Corners are from a father’s heart to another father’s heart. It is our desire that these Corners would build the family up and never create a controversy between a husband and wife. It is possible to undermine our goal if a mom read and agreed with a Dad’s Corner and the husband didn’t. Never would we want to undermine respect for Dad in the direction he has chosen for the family. Therefore, we would encourage moms not to read Dad’s Corners first, unless as a couple, you have discussed and agreed who should read the Dad’s Corner.

Teri and I take great delight in observing families. Most often we see physical characteristics that are common between the children and their parents. It may be hair color or facial features. Usually there is something that causes us to say, “I can tell they came from the same ingredients.” It becomes especially obvious the more children there are to compare.

Isn’t it a wonderful thing what God did when He designed the procreation process? The image of the parents is impressed on the children. Many of our physical and even behavioral characteristics become a part of our offspring. There is one family in our church where the father is six foot seven. You ought to see his two sons. One of them has just now surpassed his father. I remember when my sons became taller than me several years ago. It felt very strange and was no small event for them.

I wonder how much each of us resembles our Father in heaven. I’m not referring to mankind in general, even though we were made in His image. I mean those who have been born again by the blood of the Lord Jesus. That transaction made God truly our Father, and we became His offspring. I wonder how much we resemble our Father

Jesus evaluated men’s conduct and associated their conduct with their father in John 8:44. “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.” Because the Pharisees would not welcome truth, Jesus stung them with sharp words by calling them the children of Satan. Here were the religious leaders of Israel being called sons of Satan, and Satan was called the father of lies.

We read in Deuteronomy 32:4 about God, “He is the Rock, His work is perfect: for all His ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is He.” Our Father is a God of truth, and Satan is the father of lies. That puts falsehood and truth in a very black and white light. If Jesus made this distinction and likened those who embraced lies to being in the lineage of Satan, it would seem that born-again believers must endeavor to always speak and live truth.

Recently, Teri and I were watching some videotapes by a well-respected Christian teacher. He referred to a statement he spoke to his child. Then he told the audience with a bit of a wink, “I was lying to him.” One other time, he acknowledged in a lighthearted fashion lying to someone. I must admit my respect for this person took a hit just then. Here he was expecting us to believe he was telling us truth, and at the same time admitting there were circumstances where he chose to lie.

I have no doubt this man endeavors to live by and preach truth; however, we must shun anything false. I believe it damages the reputation of Christ when we don’t. “Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me” (Proverbs 30:8). If we want to walk in righteousness we must not lie, as “A righteous man hateth lying: but a wicked man is loathsome, and cometh to shame” (Proverbs 13:5).

I believe that one of the most pungent Bible verses is, “A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin” (Proverbs 26:28). Here we see that from God’s perspective, we hate the one we lie to. If we loved him, we would speak truth to him just like our heavenly Father speaks truth always to us.

One of the greatest struggles I have is my desire to be funny. Sometimes the easiest way to get a chuckle is to say something that isn’t true. I know it is wrong, and yet it can create this battle in me as to whether I will say it. Usually, I just “swallow the words,” but there are times, especially if I’m tired, that they will come out. Then after we have all laughed, my spirit convicts me.

The conviction to speak truth is what initially led us to quit Santa Claus at Christmas. We realized that, according to Scripture, we could not love our children and lie to them. Yes, that also meant that the “tooth fairy” and “Easter bunny” were eradicated – never to darken our door again.

It is so easy to get caught up in all of our warm, fuzzy memories of being a child and in not wanting our children to miss out on anything. However, it is my greatest desire that my children would not miss out on having a God-fearing father who loves the Lord Jesus with all his heart. If God says I must shun falsehood, then I am not going to justify lying to my children for any reason.

I think what happens is that often we dads can be short-sighted and not patriarchal minded. It is so easy to live for all the fun this world has to offer and lose sight of eternal things. This year I will turn fifty and that seems old, but even if I lived to be as old as Silas (a delightful young man of 97 years old), what is that in comparison with eternity? Nothing!

I want my children to think of Jesus’ resurrection from the dead when they think of Easter. Yes, the Bible doesn’t tell us to celebrate “Easter,” but we are told to remember. We choose to “remember” in a more focused way on the day that even unbelievers expect Christians to celebrate. In my opinion, it would be far better to not celebrate Easter at all than to have any part of the “Easter bunny.” It is not truth, and to let something else detract from the most glorious event ever – the celebration of the death, burial, and resurrection of the Lamb of God, the Lord Jesus Christ – is unthinkable. We do celebrate and remember Christ’s resurrection weekly when we worship, but we choose to make Easter a special remembrance.

If we were somehow to find a way to celebrate Easter and spiritualize the Easter bunny in some fashion, I believe we would have a situation analogous to Exodus 32. Aaron had just made the golden calf while Moses was on Mount Sinai receiving God’s law. After Aaron finished crafting the calf and building an altar for it, he proclaimed, “Tomorrow is a feast to the LORD” (Exodus 32:5). Aaron announced it was to be a feast to Jehovah, the true God of Israel. Only God knows exactly what was going on in Aaron’s mind, but from the outside it appeared to be incredible double-mindedness. Let’s look at what happened in verse 6 when the things of the world were mixed with the worship of the true God: “And they rose up early on the morrow, and offered burnt offerings, and brought peace offerings; and the people sat down to eat and to drink.”

That does not sound too bad. They had a very spiritual time with their offerings and then a meal. Then we read on that they “rose up to play.” This was not righteous play. We learn later that they were naked. Whatever Aaron intended led to something very unholy.

Please understand, I’m not saying that families who choose to celebrate Easter and include the Easter bunny are guilty of the idolatry we read about. I am not making that judgment in any way. What I am saying is: we can see from Scripture that if we mix truth with something false, the result is negative. Nothing holy will be inspired in the minds of those we are called to bring up in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

Dads, please understand, I’m not condemning you if you do make a choice different from mine, that isn’t my place. However, it is my prayer that I will challenge you to consider things in a new light and encourage you to love the Lord Jesus more and walk according to His Word. May God be merciful and gracious to you and may you be the head of many godly generations

“And the LORD passed by before him, and proclaimed, The LORD, The LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth” (Exodus 34:6).