Category Archives: Series

Building Up or Tearing Down Your Family

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It grieves my heart to hear a dad say he isn’t leading his family in the Word every day. We aren’t to be motivated in a legalistic, checking a box sort of way, but rather to use it as a joyful opportunity to wash/feed your family with the pure living Word of God (Eph. 5:26). It is a daily opportunity to build up while Satan is working to tear down.

God uses the analogy of building a house to a legacy of descendants that will follow the Lord. “And it shall be, if thou wilt hearken unto all that I command thee, and wilt walk in my ways, and do that is right in my sight, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as David my servant did; that I will be with thee, and build thee a sure house, as I built for David, …” (1 Kings 11:38).

I love the example in Nehemiah as he rebuilt the walls. “As for the builders, each wore his sword girded at his side as he built” (Nehemiah 4:18). This pictures always having the Word of God ready and at your side while you build. “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17).

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Building a Godly Legacy – Part 4

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God inspired many Scripture authors to use the expression “son of” over 1,600 times throughout the Bible. God is purposeful and does nothing by accident. Notice that reading “son of” links the person/identity of father/mother to the son? Let’s briefly consider the need to be purposeful in influencing our children for good, because after we are gone, that impression lives on.

Benaiah, one of David’s mighty men, walked in his father Jehoida’s footsteps. “And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, the son of a valiant man, of Kabzeel, who had done many acts. . .” (2 Samuel 23:20).

David’s heart and life impacted Solomon for good. “And Solomon the son of David was strengthened in his kingdom, and the Lord his God was with him, and magnified him exceedingly” (2 Chronicles 1:1). 

Sadly, our negative example is far easier for our children to catch than our good one due to our sin nature. First look at David: “And David took him more concubines and wives out of Jerusalem. . .” (2 Samuel 5:13).

Now see what his son does. “And he (Solomon) had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father” (1 Kings 11:3-4).

Next, consider God’s timing and purpose for the mention of Judas’ father. “And supper being ended, the devil having now put into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray him” (John13:2). Might the mention here of Judas being Simon’s son infer some role of negative influence Simon had in Judas’ life? I wonder.

Building a Godly legacy- Children that will love the Lord

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How heavy is your burden for your children and grandchildren that they would be dynamic followers of the Lord Jesus Christ? Not that they would merely spend eternity in heaven and not hell, but that they would love the Lord with all their heart soul mind and strength. The Lord is clear in how we do this.

“… The Lord our God is one Lord: and thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all they might. 

And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children,…” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7). 

Notice the first command is to “thou” (you). God’s Word is to have a treasured place in our hearts (Matt 6:21), and we live it out as examples before our children. Then we purposefully teach it to our children at a minimum in our daily family Bible time. Our life affirms what we are teaching them.

A man I was sharing Christ with this week’s most significant problem with Christianity was all the hypocrites. That will be our children’s difficulty, too, if they see Dad as a hypocrite. 

We live it, because “We love him, because he first loved us” (1 John 4:17).

Reversing entitlement part 1

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A brother wrote after last week’s Seriously asking, “How does one avoid or reverse an entitlement mentality in children?” Here is what I’m learning about this.

Always at the top of the list for discipling children is the double-edged sword of the parent’s example. Nothing will do more harm or more to reverse negative behavior/attitudes in the children than the parent’s harmful or beneficial example in daily life. 

Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.” That describes the relationship of abiding in Christ (John 15). When we abide, we ask, and God answers. As God responds, we acknowledge, we praise, and we thank Him for Who He is and what He does. “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalm 34:1). 

Does that describe us or at least the desire of our hearts and the direction we are headed? A grateful heart connects to a mouth overflowing with praise to our God for His blessings. That sort of heart also notices, appreciates, and verbally expresses all that is done around and for us. That is much different from the man who notices and complains about all that doesn’t fit his liking. 

Our children are watching us! Which example are we?

To be continued.

Gratefulness Part 2

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Raising grateful children is far more than merely having children who superficially say, “Thank you.” Last week Seriously began this thought on gratitude that ultimately has eternal consequences for our children.

We learn from Deuteronomy 28:45-47 the deeper, underlying fault (the second “because”) that led to Israel’s disobedience. What is that fault? They weren’t grateful. “Because thou servedst not the Lord thy God with joyfulness, and with gladness of heart, for the abundance of all things.” They weren’t grateful because they weren’t noticing and valuing God’s blessing of “the abundance of all things.” 

Dads, our positive or negative example, is impressed upon the hearts of the children. Do you recognize God’s blessings, and then do you sincerely praise Him out loud, in the presence of your family, in good times and bad? Grateful hearts create an ongoing awareness of God’s grace, mercy, love, presence, power, provision, and even chastening. 

As we thank Him and speak it out, it helps our children learn to appreciate His blessings versus assuming and expecting them.  

Will your children have an entitlement mentality when they are grown, expecting God to continue to dole out blessings, or will they be grateful for all that God has done and continues to do for them? What about you? Where are you on the gratitude scale? Do you declare that gratefulness to the Lord not only in private prayer but continually aloud in the presence of your children?

“Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened” (Romans 1:21).

Steve

Three Top Pieces of Advice for Young Moms Starting Homeschooling: Part 3

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(To read Parts 1 and 2, please see this link.)

When a young mom who had four children, none of them yet school age, asked me what three things I would suggest to her for successful homeschooling, I was challenged to narrow my ideas down to three. I started by encouraging her to have a daily schedule, and then I suggested she invest in helping her children learn self-discipline. My final piece of advice was to find a structured curriculum that she could use by herself at home and stick to.

The e-mails I am receiving these days from struggling homeschooling moms are from those who are having to be away from home a day or more each week for their homeschooling. Also, in a survey of homeschooling moms who were not keeping up with what they felt were their responsibilities, the ones who were the most dissatisfied with their lives were the ones who were home the least. These moms were finding it difficult, if not impossible, to keep up with homeschooling and daily life. They were discouraged and some considered quitting homeschooling because of it.

It is quite amazing how much difference it makes when we lose time from our homeschooling and homemaking needs by being away from home. If you want to be able to keep up and avoid that discouragement, then find a curriculum that allows you to stay home and spend time each day homeschooling. If you can manage to do your school in four days a week, you will use the fifth weekday for other tasks that aren’t easy to fit into homeschooling days.

Our family has liked using Christian textbooks for homeschool even though we have heard many say that textbooks are not a good method of homeschooling. We found them to be easy to use, sound academically, and our children enjoyed them. They allowed our children to become autodidactic – self learners. One of our main goals in home educating was to raise children who would be life-long self learners. We didn’t want children who had to have their hands held to learn, or who had to have something be extremely enticing before they would learn. We have watched moms exhaust themselves trying to make their homeschooling engaging enough for their children to be willing to learn. Sometimes in this process they give up and quit.

The young homeschooling mom wants to equip herself for the long haul, knowing her homeschooling is a huge investment. She doesn’t want to choose a homeschooling method because it appeals to her emotions but because it provides a sound education and is sustainable for the 13 years she will invest for each child she homeschools. When you give so much, do you want to end up being a depressed, angry, frustrated mom? What could be better than a method that results in children who are lifelong learners? Why not make curriculum choices that will facilitate a joyful mom who is faithfully homeschooling her children with patience and contentment?

If you would like to know more about what we specifically used and did, Managers of Their Schools is a resource that details all of that.

Here are links to a few other Mom’s Corners on this topic:
Homeschooling with Textbooks
Homeschool Textbook Curricula
A Voice for Christian Homeschool Textbooks
Curricula Decisions Impact Homeschooling Success

Three Top Pieces of Advice for Young Moms Starting Homeschooling: Part 2

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In this series, I am sharing the 3 suggestions I gave a mommy who was preparing for her homeschooling years and requested that information in a casual conversation we had one day. My first encouragement was to use a schedule. Even though her children are not yet school age, a schedule will help her be productive, and she will find the children’s days flow better when there is structure. The schedule is critical for homeschooling. Our newly-revised Managers of Their Homes is the perfect tool to help you in this area of time management.

The second point I made was that she should help her children learn self-discipline. We talked about this in a Mom’s Corner a few months ago. Here is the link to that article.

If a mom will be diligent to teach her young children self-discipline, she will have children whom she can instruct during their homeschooling years, knowing that they will apply themselves to their lessons. This will facilitate their education and free up her time for homeschooling other children or doing other things. She will not have to sit beside them through out their whole school day to hold their hands in order for them to learn or make sure they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. They will quickly become autodidactic—a skill that will prove valuable their whole lives.

Let’s face it. Little children generate a great deal of work, and they take a great deal of time. To invest the time to help children learn self-discipline is just one more thing on a mom’s already full plate. Having observed thousands of families through the years, I can encourage you that it is worth that time investment.

Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines self-discipline this way: the ability to make yourself do things that should be done. The implications of that are huge—treating people the way they should be treated, obedience to parents as a child, personal health, spiritual disciplines, ability to responsibly complete tasks, backbone of a great business owner, employee, or home manager. There is such a plethora of life that will be facilitated by self-discipline.

Where do you start? I think a great beginning is to give a child boundaries and help him learn to accept, be comfortable, and even enjoy those boundaries. That might be as simple as having a set time when the toys are picked up and put away by the child in order to move on to another activity. Much of our struggles as grown ups stem from our unwillingness to live within boundaries whether it is with our time, our relationships, our health, or our walk with the Lord. In our flesh, we don’t like or want boundaries, but those boundaries are filled with blessings if we will accept them. We bless our children when we can direct them in that truth. “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls” (Proverbs 25:28).

It is likely that your success in this area will be determined by your own level of self-discipline. Will you work patiently with your children? Will you invest the necessary time first to give them boundaries and then to teach them how to live with and value boundaries? Will you have a smile on your face when you find yourself dealing with the same problems over and over? Your investment today reaps dividends throughout your children’s lives. What is that worth?

Three Top Pieces of Advice for Young Moms Starting Homeschooling, Part 1

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Recently I was talking to a mom with three little children, the oldest being 4 years old. She was planning to homeschool and had heard that I homeschooled for 30 years. She sweetly smiled at me and asked what I felt was a very insightful question. She said, “What 3 pieces of advice could you give me that you think would be the most important for my success as a homeschooling mom?”

I was thrilled to talk to this mom. She was thinking about and preparing for her homeschooling days. She gave me boundaries for the information she wanted—boundaries that would help her remember what I said.

For number 1, I started with what is probably the dearest to my heart—a schedule. Structure is what productivity, learning, and stress-free days hang upon. The schedule helps a family accomplish not only their homeschooling but other essential and even non-essential parts of their day.

I have observed schedules transform the family life, personal life, and homeschooling life of weary, discouraged mommies. That thrills me beyond measure. I don’t think it is a matter of personality —schedules for the disciplined person but not for the free spirited person. Schedules let the disciplined mom put her talents to use, and for the free-spirited one, it lets her have time for her free-spirited activities.

Even before you begin homeschooling, you can schedule. Mommies with preschoolers can benefit from a schedule just as much as those who are already involved in homeschooling can. Getting children used to a schedule as preschoolers keeps those days flowing and productive while getting children accustomed to the rhythm that a schedule will bring to homeschool life.

When we were preparing for another Managers of Their Homes (MOTH) reprint, we realized that we had gained a huge amount of scheduling experience since we first wrote and published Managers of Their Homes, and we wanted to impart that to others.

When MOTH came out, it was based upon our own personal scheduling experience and confirmed by those first 24 test families who used MOTH. Now, however, we have worked with countless moms as they have scheduled and seen the power of the schedule in a much broader framework.

We decided to take that valuable experience and put it into a revised version of Managers of Their Homes. So we ruthlessly tore into the text and took out what we didn’t think was as helpful in the book, and put in what we have gained from working with MOTH moms.

We know that the original MOTH is successful in teaching moms to schedule. We have the testimonies from so many who have read and used it to prove that it does. The revised MOTH doesn’t change those basics, but it brings in a fresh power from our real life experiences with a multitude of MOTH scheduling moms. We are excited about that!

If you haven’t yet dived into scheduling, this is the time to get the new, revised Managers of Their Homes. If you have friends who aren’t scheduling, suggest it to them. I really can’t think of a better Christmas or birthday present for you or a friend than this resource that will help bring productivity, peace, and contentment to a family.

Trusting in Jesus,
Teri

Are They Fighting? – Part 3

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Dealing with Children’s Unkindness

The final key I would like to consider for dealing with physical unkindness between siblings would be the attitude of Mom’s heart. When we see one child hurting another child, our first response might be one of anger. However, it is quite obvious that if we respond to the child in anger, we affirm the attitude in the child that we want to eliminate.

“The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning” (Proverbs 16:21). Teaching our children godly, loving behavior starts with our own attitudes, words, and actions. Sweetness of the lips is much more powerful than yelling or even negative tones in our voices. Gentle firmness helps keep the child’s heart attached to ours while we are working toward a change of behavior.

Stopping the Negative Thoughts

What you do with your thoughts can make all the difference in your responses to your children when they are not being nice to each other. Second Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take our thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ.

That means you can think, “I hate it when my children fight with each other. They know better. I am sick and tired of having to deal with them time after time, day after day.” Or you can think, “Lord Jesus, I am so blessed to be the mother of these children. Thank You for entrusting them to me. Help me, Lord, to direct their thoughts and their behavior to express the love You want them to have for each other. Lord Jesus, I know You are working in their lives, and You are working in my life. Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus.”

Which thoughts do you believe will help you have a patient and loving attitude toward your children when you correct them for wrong behavior? Which thoughts will give you stamina and determination to be consistent in working with your children? Which thoughts will allow you to put a smile on your face and move on with your day positively after a situation with the children?

I can attest to having done it both ways, and I was way more successful and way happier with myself when I took the route of the second set of thoughts. The first set hurtled me into a pit of self-pity from which it was almost impossible to climb out. The second set put my mind on the Lord Jesus, the gratitude He tells me to have, and the possibility of a brighter future.

Should Children Apologize?

I had an e-mail from a mom after the other articles in this series. I wouldn’t be surprised if others are wondering about the same thing. Here is what she asks:

“After I read your article on children and fighting, I wondered how you handled apologies. Did you have your children apologize to each other (even when they weren’t really sorry) and/or make restitution? I have tried this at times, but it often leads to greater pride and a sense of entitlement rather than mercy and grace. Any thoughts?”

Yes, we did have our children ask forgiveness of each other. We avoided “I’m sorry,” because it doesn’t require a response from the other person. If there is a response, it often is, “It’s okay.” The reality is that it wasn’t okay. However, we encouraged them to say, “Will you please forgive me?” and then express what they needed forgiveness for. That gave the other child the opportunity for a verbal response and to release negative emotions he might have been feeling.

It was obvious that sometimes the words were said—on both sides—without the heart being involved. They were children, though, and that wasn’t surprising. We still wanted them to learn the biblical path to handling offenses and wrongs. We were helping our children develop a habit that we prayed would be heartfelt as they developed emotional and spiritual maturity, even if it that didn’t happen in childhood.

Homeschool Home Organization

As we conclude this series on siblings fighting, I want to emphasize again the innumerable benefits of an organized home. In this case, it will help you avoid the stress and heartaches that result from children quarreling. A peaceful, organized home guided with a schedule and effective chore system keeps family members productive, occupied, and often helps lift Mom’s burden of not only keeping a clean home and but also of having to deal with fighting children.

Here is a real-life example of that from a mom who had used Managers of Their Homes to help her develop a schedule.

“Today we were talking at dinner about our schedule when I asked the children how they felt about it. The seven-year-old said he likes having a schedule because it helps him behave better. Wanting to know more, I asked him why he would behave better on a schedule. He said, ‘Because everything has an order, and we know what to do. Also Mom is calmer, and I don’t fight with my brother so much.’

“The four-year-old said, ‘I like the schedule because there is a time for my brother to play with me so I don’t have to beg! And Mommy plays with me more.’” Kathy

If you don’t have a schedule or a successful chore system, I strongly suggest that you getManagers of Their Homes  and Managers of Their Chores , read, and implement them. They have helped tens of thousands of moms toward their goal of a peaceful, organized home, and I know they will help you as well.

If you have them, and aren’t currently utilizing what you have learned from them, summer is a great time to bring out your old friends, reread them, and put a schedule and chore system in place for the coming school year.

I know some days—or maybe most days—with little children, you feel like all you do is correct and redirect their behavior.  May I encourage you with this verse: “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9). Your goal is children who love Jesus, love others, and live for Him. Oh what peace! Oh what joy! It is worth it! Be encouraged to stay the course!

Are They Fighting? – Part 2

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We are continuing a series of articles written to answer this question: “I read your articles about siblings. You said you did not allow hitting, pushing, etc. What did you do when it happened, and how do you prevent it???” If you haven’t read the articles the mom refers to, here is the link. You also might want to read part 1 of this series, which is found here.

Behavior Rules

Of course, with little children discussions, reasoning, and sharing Scripture are mostly preparation for the future. They don’t have the mental, emotional, or spiritual maturity to make decisions based on that information. So we had some specific rules, such as:

  • No hitting, pushing, or biting.
  • No name-calling.
  • No grabbing toys from one another.
  • Share kindly.
  • Speak sweetly.
  • Be loving.

Consistent Consequences

Then, if a child did one of the things they weren’t supposed to do—which was quite likely—we tried to be consistent with a consequence. Of course, the reality was that we didn’t observe each infraction nor were we 100% consistent with consequences even when we saw something that was wrong. But we certainly did try. “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

Chair Sitting

The consequences had to be simple because obviously there was more to life than correcting children. One consequence that we used frequently was for the child to sit for a specified time on a dining room chair. Now phones have timer apps, but back then I had a kitchen timer that I could set for five minutes. I placed it beside the child so he could watch his time counting down, and then he could get up when it beeped.

I found that to be a very easy consequence that I could use consistently. It separated the child from the problem, gave him time to reflect, kept him from doing something he would rather be doing, and generally provided a few minutes of peace. When the child got off the chair, if he went back to his play and once again wasn’t nice to a sibling, I put him back on the chair—for longer this time.

Dry Crusts and No Sweets

“Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). This verse was the inspiration of another consequence we used with our children. Here is a little background to help you understand: We purchased wheat berries, ground them into flour, and made fresh, nutritious bread for our family. Our children liked the inside pieces of bread, but not the outside crusts very much.

Rather than waste the crusts, I would dry them for breadcrumbs or croutons. One day, after reading Proverbs 17:1, Steve and I decided that we would use “dry morsels” (i.e. dry crusts) for a consequence when the children weren’t being kind to each other. I would have the child, or children, involved come to the dining room table and give each one a dry crust.

We would briefly discuss the applicable verse, explaining that we would rather eat dry crusts and have love demonstrated in our home than to be able to eat the delicious food we ate but have unkindness evident. This was a great real-life example of that verse. The dry crusts weren’t something they gagged on. They just didn’t prefer them. It removed the child from the problem for a space of time. In addition, it was actually healthy for them.

Sometimes when the children weren’t nice to each other we talked about the need for them to be sweet. For a consequence, we would take away their dessert. We didn’t have dessert all the time, so this consequence was only as effective as the frequency that we ate dessert.

If/Then Chart

A tool we found valuable in being consistent with consequences for the children is the If-Then Chart. While we didn’t develop the If/Then Chart, we now sell it because it was so helpful to me when our children were young. Part of the struggle I had as a mom in being consistent with consequences was knowing what consequence to give for a particular problem. With the If/Then Chart, those decisions were made. It was a simple matter for me to go to the If-Then Chart when a situation arose, read the verse to the child, and know what the consequence would be.

Certainly in a family we prefer unity, whether it is husband and wife, parents and children, or between the children themselves. Physically lashing out for what you want or in retaliation for what made you unhappy does not develop unity, and while it is typical of little children, it isn’t acceptable for older children or adults. We wanted our children to grow up knowing that such behavior was not only inappropriate, but it was simply unacceptable. They knew that was true not because Steve and I said it, but because it wasn’t pleasing to Jesus.

P. S. I just want to remind you that a schedule helps greatly with mitigating the problems that arise between siblings. It also allows Mom time to deal with the issues that do come up. If you aren’t already using a schedule, summer is a good time to get Managers of Their Homes, read it, try a modified summer schedule, and then be ready when school starts to have a full-fledged schedule.