Category Archives: Child Training

Good or Bad Trade

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We are faced with so many decisions in life. Most have minimal consequences, but some have huge ones. What do you consider when you make a decision? Is it, “What’s in it for me?”, “I know this is the best long-term choice.”, or “I’m confident this is consistent with God’s will for my life and family.”?

Teri and I recently had a conversation with a wife that highlighted the importance of what you use as a basis for decision making. Her husband LOVES motorcycles. For many years he has ridden one. He isn’t riding motorcycles now nor can he live with her because he is in a longterm rehabilitation care facility. Over a year and a half ago he was involved in a serious accident while riding his motorcycle. Even now it is questionable when he will come home and what sort of longterm care he will require. Think about it – eighteen months and counting. 

Would he have chosen to ride motorcycles years ago if he knew it would end in this? Likely not. The risk of serious injury is much greater when in an accident when riding a motorcycle compared to a car. He also made the decision not to wear a helmet. He didn’t like to wear them. I’m guessing that the fun/enjoyment factor is what tipped the scales for him. I understand. I LOVE the motorcycle experience. However, concern for my family weighed in as I made my decision about riding motorcycles, and motorcycles lost. 

I pray that we would put obedience to our Lord, along with love and concern for wives and families as factors to be weighed in on every decision we make. 

“Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31). 

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105). “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).

One Second

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I have heard of several tragic car accidents lately where lives are forever changed in the blink of an eye. There is no preparation. In an instant, everything is changed. However, there is actually preparation that can and should be done to prepare for any tragedy that might befall us. 

Brothers, is your “house” in order? First and foremost to consider are your spiritual affairs. Are you truly saved? Are you trusting in Jesus shed blood alone? “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). 

Are you “walking” with your Lord and Savior? “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sins” (1 John 1:7). Our walk/works don’t save us, but they are certainly a good indication of whether we truly are His children, not to mention a proper example for our own children. 

Then, we must trust. Our God is always good, always. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). “Lord, if you allowed this, then we trust. You have a purpose and will use it for good.”

Never Have Imagined

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Most reading this will have lived long enough to encounter a person whose life is a disaster. Given a chance to dialogue, this is what they say, “I never thought I would come to this.” In expressing it, they are objective enough to realize they are not in a good place. How does this happen? It begins with one compromise, then another, next is a bad decision, and then others follow. The smaller the compromise and decision, the more likely it will go unnoticed. 

David, a man after God’s heart, took another man’s wife and then had her husband killed. (2 Samuel 11:1-12:23). Could it have been the first time he watched Bathsheba from his roof at night? Frankly, I doubt it. That night he was particularly vulnerable and bad choices followed. 

What about you? Are you making good decisions or possibly on a path of compromising? Consider these questions for starters: 

What are you looking at? 

When you got up this morning, was it a consistent time based on a set bedtime for how much sleep you need? 

Is your bedtime and wake up time such that you WILL have a special time with your Lord in His Word and prayer daily? 

It is SO easy to make and justify a poor decision. How much better to follow what Proverbs 3:5-7 tells us. “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.”

Wise decisions don’t earn us special merit with the Lord. We make them because we desire the good fruit they produce. Certainly, one excellent fruit from wise decisions is the great example that is for our children. “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7).

Two Better Than One

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Living next door to Nathan I often see him working with one of his sons. That gives me great pleasure because I know it is an investment in their futures. Years ago, I was doing that with Nathan. Now I see the fruit in his life reproducing in his sons. 

Nathan’s confidence and willingness to tackle repairs, projects, automotive work, and yard work has doubtless saved him a lot of money. Additionally, and maybe more importantly, it provides quality time with his sons. Teaching sons to enjoy work projects with Dad pays dividends throughout their lives. 

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). 

There is, however, a cost to count when you include your son in a project. In the early years, every project with him takes longer than if you did it by yourself. Your son shouldn’t merely watch you but be hands-on himself in the process. He will do some things incorrectly, even when you are instructing him, and those will have be be redone, which will require your patience. (Good growth opportunities for Dad, too.) 

What if you, Dad, don’t know how to do something? Years ago, I had a number of “how to fix-it” books that I referenced frequently. These days there are so many additional “how to” resources available. Learn to do it with your sons.

Don’t miss the precious opportunities you have as a dad to spend time with your boys, mentor them in the qualities needed to be a worker, and to learn practical skills they can use through out their lives. Go get your sons, and find a project to do with them. 

“He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich. He that gathereth in summer is a wise son: but he that sleepeth in harvest is a son that causeth shame” (Proverbs 10:4-5). 

Discipleship Through Household Chores

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When you look at your home at the end of a long day, it is easy to see the piles of laundry, the dirty dishes, and the toys scattered across the room as mere frustrations. You can default into a pattern of constant nagging, feeling as though the upkeep of the home rests entirely on your shoulders. However, as Christian moms, God calls us to a higher vision. The tasks of home maintenance are not obstacles to our ministry; they are the very ground where discipleship happens. When we intentionally bring our children into the daily work of the our homes, we are not just getting help with the housework—we are shaping them for the rest of their lives.

The Myth of the Overburdened Parent

Many mothers carry the heavy weight of trying to do everything themselves. They know it is easier and faster to sweep the kitchen or empty the trash themselves rather than teach a child to do it. But when you do everything, you inadvertently show your children that the home revolves around their comfort.

Scripture reminds us in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” That training wouldn’t just be spiritual but also healthy disciplines of life. Training requires time, patience, and repetition. It means stepping back from doing the task yourself so that you can patiently teach your child how to do it. If you do not teach your children these responsibilities, you miss a vital opportunity to grow their character.

A Happy Team: The Power of Synergy

Imagine your home functioning not under the dark cloud of a nagging mom, but with the synergy of a happy team thoroughly tackling needed jobs in the home together – household chores. This peaceful reality is entirely achievable. It does not happen overnight, though, but it begins when you intentionally structure and delegate household chores. 

You begin by looking at the tasks each of your children can do that are age appropriate. You assign your children those chores, teach them how to do them, and give the children time to accomplish them. To keep things fresh and build well-rounded skills, every so often you rotate those responsibilities so each child eventually gains experience in multiple areas of home management. A home that runs smoothly in the area of chores allows the family to accomplish homeschooling goals and have time left for ministry and hospitality.

Passing the Baton to the Little Ones

Discipleship in chores also means allowing our older children to become teachers. When an older sibling is given the responsibility to train a younger sibling in a specific task, both children grow. The older child learns patience and leadership, while the younger child learns by example. 

Even a toddler can participate. Giving a two-year-old or a three-year-old a simple ChorePack (see Managers of Their Chores) with a visual card—such as picking up shoes or emptying a small bedroom trash can—instills a sense of belonging and responsibility from the very beginning.

As Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might.” By teaching children that every task, no matter how small, is to be done well and for the Lord, we teach them diligence and protect them from the trap of laziness.

Moving Forward with Purpose

If your home feels chaotic today, do not be discouraged. Look at how you can structure your home’s chores to bring organization and productivity. Start small by establishing a clear chore system that gives each child chore assignments and time to accomplish them. As you patiently cultivate consistency through your organized chore system, you will find that chores stop being a source of conflict and instead become a beautiful tool for building an industrious, Christ-honoring home functioning with teamwork. If you need help with a chore system, Managers of Their Chores does just that. It has helped countless others. 

Victim or Owner

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It amazes me that the cry of today seems to be: not my fault, he did it, that wasn’t fair, injustice, no one taught me, no one warned me, the government should have, and the list goes on. How freeing of responsibility when the problem isn’t my fault.

If you are a parent you have heard it all, but it doesn’t seem to solve any problems, does it? Somehow it does make the proclaimer feel better. If it is someone else’s fault than the child can’t be held responsible for his actions, right? The mantra of today is as old as creation. “And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat” (Genesis 3:12).

What’s the answer? First, we examine ourselves. Do we make excuses? Is that the example we set for the family? If that is your problem, you, with the Lord’s help, resolve it starting now.

Then work with your children. Define the problem to your children. Explain why it isn’t good and why it is important that we take personal responsibility for our actions and words. This is critical because we read, “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad” (2 Corinthians 5:10). 

Clear ownership for our actions is the standard. Help your children understand what that looks like in daily life. Then be sure you affirm them when they follow the standard rather than dishing out the consequences that come with ownership of the problem for a set period of time. 

The Surprise

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You were so excited for your son’s graduation. You had been saving for several years to surprise him. After graduation you took him car shopping and bought a fantastic car for him. It had come off of a lease and was in amazing condition. Your son was thrilled beyond your wildest hope. Life settled into a new pattern and time passed.

A year later, your son gave you a ride home after you dropped the family car off at the shop for some maintenance. Getting in, you had to clear the convenience store snack packaging from the ketchup-stained seat to make room for yourself. Your heart sank. The car looked clean and smelled nice when you gave it to him. Now it  looked horrible. Well, actually, it was much like his bedroom. Hmm, could there be a connection? The reality of his irresponsibility suddenly became clear.

It might be argued that personal responsibility is the most important character quality for a person. A responsible person accepts ownership of outcomes and the necessity of right decisions. Otherwise they have a myriad of excuses, all of which translates to, “It’s not my fault.”

“Moreover it is required in stewards, that a man be found faithful” (1 Corinthians 4:2).

“So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12).

Oh, my brothers, irresponsible children will be a lifelong grief to your heart. They will most likely blame you for their struggles.

“So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12).

Oh my brothers, irresponsible children will be a lifelong grieving of your heart, and they will blame you for most of it.

Patiently Waiting

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 This morning my sister ended her daily morning text with, “Anyway, one day at a time with patience.” That is also my story because I am nine weeks away from a surgery I would be happy if I could have tomorrow but I must wait on the surgeon’s schedule. I wonder how many of us and how often we find ourselves living “one day at a time with patience”? I want to teach and remind my heart some truths from the Word to help me do well with “one day at a time with patience.”

Job’s Patience

“. . . Ye have heard of the patience of Job . . .” (James 5:11). Job suffered much. It wasn’t from his wrong doing, but because God allowed Satan to bring immense sufferings to prove Job’s faithfulness. Job didn’t understand why it all happened, but this is what he did: “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped . . . In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” (Job 1:20, 22). James says Job had patience. He experienced horribly trying circumstances but worshipped God through it. What an example Job is for me.

God’s Sovereignty

Patience involves waiting for a different outcome than I’m currently experiencing. If I really  believe God is sovereign and that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28), then I can patiently wait for however long it takes for Him to bring about the outcome HE desires. His way is always best and His timing as well even when I don’t understand, like Job didn’t understand. 

God’s Patience

“But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth” (Psalms 86:15). Longsuffering means patient. Think about how patient God has been first through out history and now with you and with me personally. We experience His patience every single day. How trivial and easy my patience becomes when I compare it to the immensity of His. So when I find myself becoming impatient, I realize I’m wanting MY way more then waiting for His way. This should break my heart and bring me conviction and repentance, leading me right back to patience. 

Learning Patience

How do I actually learn patience? “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience” (James 1:2-3). Patience comes about when I choose to be joyful in the midst of trying circumstances (which are what temptations are in this verse). I choose to trust in the sovereign Almighty God, Who lovingly directs the lives of those who are His. This is the way patience is developed in my life? Yes! To get there, I am to be joyful when my situation is hard? Yes, that’s exactly what Scripture tells me. 

Practically speaking for me counting it all joy in this situation is to be thankful for modern medicine and the availability of surgery to help me. It is to be excited about the changes my body will experience when healed from the surgery. For the next nine weeks, my mind could gravitate to all the unpleasant parts of surgery and recovery and the “what ifs” of it. But that is a spirit of fear not joy. 

 Living It Out 

These are what I am taking as my truths to live one day at a time with patience. Are you in a place where you are waiting and need to live one day at a time with patience? Maybe my Scriptural focus these next 9 weeks could be helpful for you. Perhaps there are other Scriptures the Lord would put on your heart that would be what you relate to and need through your “one day at a time with patience.” Whatever the case may be, I encourage you that taking “one day at a time with patience” is a solid, living in faith, response to circumstances you would change now, if you could.

Disconnect

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I was talking to a couple of Christian brothers the other night. One was sharing how he loves fishing and then chuckled when saying at times he will fish places where it isn’t allowed. I was amazed how it didn’t seem to occur to him there was a huge disconnect as a believer. “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God” (Romans 13:1).

We are so quick to spot this sort of thing in our children as they grow up, but what about our lives? Are our lives pleasing to our God Who owns us? Do we obey the government as we are commanded to?

Our example is gigantic to our children. As they grow up and become more aware of what Scripture teaches about how we are to live, we teach them to follow Christ wholeheartedly or be hypocrites. No wonder the word Christian is often spoken with a bit of a sneer and curled lip these days.

Did Not Hear You

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A reason one might not hear someone is that they didn’t say anything. These days, greeting children as they walk to school usually doesn’t even get a smile or a nod in response to our cheerful “Good morning.” Nothing. Okay maybe they have been instructed for safety sake to not talk to strangers, but even teenagers? We are an unwanted intrusion into their space.

Everyone with a phone is hammered with all sorts of unsolicited texts, emails, and phone calls. Yes, and there is a special word created for that. Has all of that hardened normal person-to-person communication? Likely, at a minimum it has had some affect. 

With all of the communication noise today, it is vitally important to not let that deaden us to heart-felt sharing with those we love. First of course is dedicated prayer time with our God first thing every morning no distractions, quiet and purposeful. Next, is communication with our beloved wives, our soul mates whom we have vowed to love and cherish. Do you have a date-night and other times of quality heart-to-heart dialog? Then also communication with our children. Life is crazy busy and unless our children are in trouble, they might not get good talking time with their dad. I had weekly one-on-one talking time with each child as they were growing up in our home. I loved that time, and it was so good. 

Communication is costly in time, but it is so vitally important for any relationship that is valuable to you to maintain. It isn’t just “gonna happen.” It takes being purposeful. I plead with you my brothers — make it happen. 

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).