Category Archives: Child Training

Everyone Has Them

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Everyone has standards by which they make their choices in life. I admit, I can’t possibly know the mind of anyone when I say that everyone has them, but I’m confident. If you are the exception and don’t have them, I would love to speak with you. 

The Christian’s rule of standard/faith is to be Scripture. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Then why is it that Christians can be worlds apart in the choices they make? Is it possible some are seeing Scripture as simply a list of commands and prohibitions and everything else not specifically mentioned is a freedom, while ignoring global verses similar to some of these? 

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you” (Matthew 6:33).

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

“But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof” (Romans 13:14).

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15).

“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23).

”I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:1-2).

Not the Spirit of Fear

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It seems that it doesn’t matter where we are in life, there are things that come up that can create fear in us. I recently had one of those related to a back injury that wasn’t getting better right away. So then the fear – what if? Remember when our daughter-in-law, Anna Marie, had breast cancer three years ago? What if? What are your fears and the what-ifs that are wrapped around them? How do you deal with them?

In 2 Timothy 1:7, God clearly gives us His mind concerning fear. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” No doubt about it – the fear is not from Him. He gives us three important things that are our weapons to use against fear – power, love, and a sound mind.

The word “power” in Greek is dynamis, like we get our word dynamite from. According to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, it means “force (literally or figuratively); especially, miraculous power.” That reminds us of what Paul says in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” And then in 2 Corinthians 12:9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” We have His power!

Love in this verse is agape love – God’s love for us. Paul prays for believers concerning this in Ephesians 3:17-19, “That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.” That love gives us the assurance that God is in control and that we can rest in what He tells us in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Finally, He has given us a sound mind, which here means self-control. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” That sound mind doesn’t let fear dwell in our thoughts. We are to use self-control to take fear captive and in its place, speak the truth of God to our hearts. “What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee” (Psalms 56:3). 

That trio of power, love, and a sound mind are God’s incredible weapons to keep us from living in fear. Do you have 2 Timothy 1:7 memorized? It isn’t a long or hard verse, but it is what you need to combat fear. If it is in your mind, you can call on it any moment, even in the dark of night and any other time your Bible isn’t at hand to open up. 

You have your own fears – big ones and little ones. How do you respond to them? How much time do you give them? Do you find yourself saying that you just can’t overcome them? Don’t give in to your own lies. You can overcome them because God hasn’t given them to you. Instead, He has given you what you need to defeat each of those fears – power, love, and a sound mind. “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might” (Ephesians 6:10).

Big muscles

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Six-year-old Danny (a grandson) dropped to the floor and started effortlessly pumping out pushups to prove his point to me. I never saw a young guy do so many pushups with reasonable form. Our son, Christopher, works out with his children (Danny is one of them.) every morning before school begins. After the energy is out, the children are ready for school with Mom. One of the many benefits of the daily workouts with Daddy is their impressive strength and endurance.  

We understand that exercising our bodies and minds (yay homeschooling) is essential, but how purposeful are you in developing your children spiritually? Sadly, many chiefly rely on Sunday School/church for this. We usually eat 3 times a day, but spiritual development is far more important. Also, children having their own time in the Word every morning is a critical lifelong discipline. 

I love being part of Christopher’s evening family Bible time and listening to how he asks questions on each child’s level of understanding. That is growing a wonderful knowledge of the Lord and His Word in those children.

“And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6,7).

Are you?

How Long Does Character Growth Take?

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Are you ever disheartened because your children aren’t making the progress you desire, particularly in an area of godly character growth? Does this sometimes cause you to want to give up on it? I remember working with our five younger children on responding to directions with a simple “Yes, Ma’am” or “No. Ma’am.” There had been too many situations where I didn’t know if a child was disobedient or simply hadn’t heard what he was to do. Would you believe it took a year and a half of focusing on that for them to learn to consistently respond? 

Does a year and a half sound like a long time to learn to say, “Yes, Ma’am?” It sure did to me! That experience brought me a new perspective on the reality of what character teaching really meant! It might take weeks, months, and even years.

Ephesians 6:4 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Therefore, we are to be obedient and consistent in teaching our children the ways of the Lord. We instruct, disciple, discipline, encourage, and praise. We pray diligently concerning the specific areas we are working toward. However, the results are not ours! They are the Lord’s, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). Whether it takes a week, a month, a year, or ten years does not matter. 

How freeing this should be for you, as a mom. You do not shoulder the responsibility for the outcome. On the other hand, remaining consistent in the teaching is tremendous. It can become wearisome, at times, if your eyes come off the Lord and onto yourself. Galatians 6:9 is a familiar verse that says, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Might we agree on the importance of our children going in godly character?

It should not be surprising that it would take children time to develop godly character. Consider  your own personal struggles with character as an adult. For example, how often do you respond to your children with a slight tone of irritation in your voice? Is that the way you want to answer them? Have you prayed and worked toward not letting this happen? Do you still do it?

Hebrews 5:14 says, “But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.” If, “by reason of use,” we come to discern both good and evil, it makes sense to me that “by reason of use” is also an integral part of learning to do good. “Character” doesn’t happen overnight!

Expect the development of godly character to be a long,, ongoing process worthy of the pouring out of your very life! Don’t look at the short-range progress but at the long-term goals. Set your heart, prayers, and consistent teaching on the Lord’s desire for your child to grow in Christ-likeness. Then patiently, day by day, teach, train, and love your children toward their character growth, knowing that the Lord Who has called you is faithful. “Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised;)” (Hebrews 10:23).

What about you? Have you been discouraged lately over a lack of character growth in your children? Have you become weary in your well doing? May I encourage you to step back, take a deep breath, lift your heart to the Lord, and continue on. Be ready for the long haul, not looking for immediate results but trusting the Lord to accomplish His will. 

 

Soul Healthy

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Last week we noted how being in the Word every day is a foundational influence for us to have the right mindset of “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good” (1 Thessalonians 5:12). As we fill our hearts and minds with the good things from above (Col. 3:1-2), we can have joy and peace that the lost/world doesn’t know. However, understand that the good spiritual influences are not the same as the dopamine and adrenaline-jazzed thrills the world offers and to which the flesh easily becomes addicted. You have to decide in advance if your life will be filled with influences pleasing to the Lord or the flesh. (Hint: the more we are in the Word and love it, the less we will want the cheap thrills of this life.)

Nutritious food does not provide the tastebud-exploding sensation that foods like ice cream and Doritos do, but it produces a healthy body. In a similar way, spiritual influences don’t excite the flesh, but they do nourish the soul. There is a choice each of us must make. Will we be slaves to pleasing our flesh or desirous of the joy that comes from pleasing our Lord?

“Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying. But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfill the lusts thereof” (Romans 13:13-14).

Oh my brothers, may we make no opportunity for the flesh. 

It Is So Good

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We ended our last Seriously with the question: Does that mean we really can’t enjoy life? That question was based on Satan’s enticement to us that enjoyment in life is bound up with feeding/thrilling our flesh. I propose that the Christian’s best enjoyment of life will come through his relationship with Christ and serving Him, rather than doing entertaining, exciting, and fun things. Our relationship with Christ grows through edifying influences.

1 Thessalonians 5:12 tells us to “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”According to the Olive Tree Enhanced Strong’s Dictionary “Prove” means: to test, examine, and scrutinize to see whether a thing is genuine or not, and deemed as worthy. “Good” means: excellent in its nature and characteristics, and genuine, therefore well adapted to its ends. These are great benchmarks for the influences we should want in our lives.

The foundational good influence in our lives will be the Word. Do you have daily time set aside to read and meditate on your Bible and pray? Are you leading your family in a nourishing time in the Word each day? Are you listening to Scripture, sermons, and doctrinally sound Christian books when you are commuting or at other times you are alone? 

What about spending time with people who are good influences – ones who demonstrate the good influences we are talking about? Frankly, this one is extremely difficult, and just because they go to your church, don’t automatically assume they will be good for you to spend time with. 

When a Christian’s mind is set on things above, he enjoys life on earth. Let’s look at a few more good influences next week. 

Influence 3

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Over thirty years ago, before we quit team sports, one of my sons remarked how he had been wondering how he would look with his hair spiked. I was shocked and couldn’t imagine where he got that idea. It turned out that several of his baseball team members wore their hair spiked. Spiked hair is nothing these days compared to wild, unnatural, ungodly fluorescent-colored hair. You scratch your head and wonder: Where do Christians get the desire to look so odd and of the world? “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). 

The answer is simple—rock stars, sports heroes, and lots of screen time. They want to be cool and accepted, so they look and act like their screen idols. They spend a lot of time following them. Didn’t Jesus say, “My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27)? Brothers, how aware are you of what you and your family are being influenced by?“All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23).

Under The Influence 2

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Hopefully, each of you worshipped at a Bible-believing and teaching assembly this past Sunday. “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another…” (Hebrews 10:25a). It is important that the church’s doctrine is biblically sound as hearing it taught each week will have an eternal impact on the lives of your family. 

There is another influence almost as powerful as the preaching. The collective influence of the church body is a force not to be underestimated. God intended that force to be for good in helping those attending live consistently with His Word. However, the world has infiltrated so many churches through the members’ worldly lifestyles that even though their doctrine may be good, the influence on your family may not be. “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him” (1 John 2:15). 

Sometimes a look at the youth will reveal the “fruit” of the church. What is the youth group like? What do they do in their meetings? “For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes” (Luke 6:43-44).

Just because an organization calls itself a church, it doesn’t mean the outcome of its influence is good. 

Got Fruit?

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Consider the farmer who fuels up his combine and heads out to the field for his fall harvest. When he arrives at the field, he is devastated because he sees no standing corn, only weeds. What happened? More accurately the question is: “What didn’t happen?”

As absurd as it sounds, he has no harvest because he didn’t want to take the time to plow and prepare the soil prior to seeding. Or he didn’t cultivate so the ground would accept rain. Or he wasn’t vigilant in dealing with pests and weeds. 

Isn’t it amazing the work it takes for a good harvest? Hmm, sounds like what it takes to raise children who will love the Lord. Even with all the work, there are no guarantees with farming, but still the farmer invests. Yup, sounds even more like raising children in Christ. 

“A sower went out to sow his seed: and as he sowed, some fell by the way side; and it was trodden down, and the fowls of the air devoured it. And some fell upon a rock; and as soon as it was sprung up, it withered away, because it lacked moisture. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns sprang up with it, and choked it. And other fell on good ground, and sprang up, and bare fruit an hundredfold. And when he had said these things, he cried, He that hath ears to hear, let him hear” (Luke 8:5-8).

What is the Difference?

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Every loving parent has had a time when words of encouragement for a child to follow your instruction weren’t enough. You explained clearly, and they repeated back to you what was expected. Yet the child simply would not choose to do it, therefore chastening was necessary. “And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not (Hebrews 12:5-7).” 

I don’t like to receive chastening, yet I’m grateful the Lord loves me and wants His best for me. I want to learn as quickly as possible when He sends chastening my way. How do I tell the difference between the problems of life and chastening? How do I discern if something is chastening and if it is, what might be the area of disobedience God is trying to correct?

In verse 7 we are told that “God dealeth with you as with sons.” Our God is the ultimate good father and a good father tells his son why he is being chastened. We can be sure that God has been “telling” us via His Spirit or the Word about an area of disobedience in our lives. We sincerely need to ask Him with an open mind. If still in doubt, our wives might have an idea too.