Monthly Archives: June 1999

Dads, Are You the Head of a Christian Home? – Part 2

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A word of caution before reading on! This month’s Corner is a tough one to share. It is possible there will be some reaction to it. Please don’t shoot the messenger! Take this before the Lord, and if you then feel God has intended this for you, receive it. If, after praying about it, you are convinced it isn’t of the Lord, just ignore it.

I laid a foundation last month by suggesting that God gave families the blueprint for a Christian home. That blueprint was His home on earth–the temple. The temple is a beautiful picture of what a Christian home should be like; we can model our home after His. Of course not literally, but God often uses “types” and “pictures” to help teach us. We can learn much from His home on earth.

First, think about what made God’s temple different from any other building. The temple was just stone, wood, and gold until the glorious Spirit of the living, holy, mighty God came down and filled it. So our house is just another earthly house until God’s Spirit is able to dwell there. (I understand that our body is God’s temple now, but this is just a discussion of types.)

Our homes (and our bodies), as the temple, are to be holy and set apart to the Lord. Isaiah 64:11 says, “Our holy and our beautiful house, where our fathers praised thee. . . .” In 2 Chronicles 3:8 we find, “And he made the most holy house. . . .” I think none would argue that the temple was a holy place.

I have been in many homes where I sensed God’s spirit. My pastor’s home is like that. I also remember an unbeliever from Holland resting comfortably in our living room and saying he felt such a sense of peace, as he had never experienced before.

Now notice Psalms 79:1, which says, “O God, the heathen are come into thine inheritance; thy holy temple have they defiled. . . .” Note the temple was defiled by the nations invading it. When the world enters the temple, it is no longer holy; it is defiled, and the Lord will not be there.

We defile our homes by bringing the world and its idols in. So the million-dollar question is, “What are the idols of the world that we shouldn’t bring in?” First, admittedly, anything can become an idol by usurping the supreme place in our heart that belongs to our Lord Jesus. There are necessary “things” such as jobs, food, and sleep that we can’t avoid, but must learn to control them lest they too become idols. However, there are other “things” that the American male has clearly made into idols, but as Christians, we don’t have to have anything to do with them. What are they? I suspect the top four are: team sports (participating or viewing), watching TV, entertainment, and alcohol. You may come up with more, but few would argue that these are very high on the list.

Dads, may we never allow the idols of the world in our homes. The Holy Spirit had some very strong words, which He spoke through James. “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4). Friendship, in the Greek, is defined as only a fondness/friendship. That is far less strong than the word “fan” which many men use to describe themselves. The term “fan” is short for fanatic. God’s Word is really very decisive in this passage. We can’t serve two masters. To evaluate just what we value, we might ask our wives and children to list the top ten things that they see are important to us.

It has been over ten years now since we stopped watching TV. However, I can still remember the conflict the TV presented for me. Just having it upstairs dulled my desire for the Word of God. When we quit watching it, I felt a sense of freedom and renewed desire for His Word.

Dads, we need to live the life we want our children to model. I want my children to see each minute as a precious gift from God, to be used for His glory. That means when I am not working or sleeping, I want to be ministering inside or outside of the home. I want my children to enjoy serving others. If they learn to take joy in blessing others, they will never lack for joy. I can’t tell you the delight it gives me to go to the City Union Mission with my sons and have them all say they really enjoyed going.

May we never settle for second best. Let us always seek God’s best. A Christian home will be different from the world’s homes. Is yours a Christian home?

What Is a Mother to Do?

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One of the biggest mothering frustrations I face is deciding what consequences a wrong behavior in one of my children should receive. I watch an attitude or action that I know ought to be corrected, but I am at a loss as to what to do about it. I want to be consistent and have consequences standardized, but I will sometimes ignore the situation just because I don’t know how to discipline for it.

For example, yesterday four-year-old Jesse came upstairs crying that eight-year-old John was wearing his hat. I had two issues to deal with. John had been unkind in wearing Jesse’s hat and in keeping it when Jesse asked for it back. Jesse had also not been kind, because he wouldn’t wait for John to finish with the hat, and he came whining to me. So, what is a mother to do?!

I imagine each of you faces issues like this several times a day in your home, if you have more than one child. We are able to work with these situations even more since we are homeschoolers because we have that many more hours each day with our children home. To be honest with you, I would rather avoid these sorts of interactions between my children. Wouldn’t it be better, though, for me to see each one as an opportunity to teach and train my children? With these kinds of thoughts, I could actually be happy when the need for consequences arises.

A schedule gives direction for your day. In a similar way, standardizing and knowing exactly what you will do for many of the common areas that require discipline in your home gives direction to your child training. If you need help in this area, I suggest an If-Then Chart to help you work through this task of determining consequences and then writing them down to be posted in the home for easy reference. I can still remember the evening five or six years ago when two moms excitedly stood up in our homeschool support group meeting and shared this “treasure” they had discovered. I agree!

I wish I knew how many times I have said to one of my children, “If you ______ one more time, you will have to ______.” By the time they do it again, I have forgotten what I said the consequence would be! If I had written it down, then I could have consulted my notes and followed through.

Recently we were working on the children becoming responsible for brushing their teeth in the morning. I spent our scheduled “training time” in the late afternoons teaching the children how to brush their teeth, how long to brush, and how to put their toothbrush away afterwards.

We still needed a consequence if the teeth weren’t brushed. The decision was made to have the child lose two days’ worth of dessert if he hadn’t brushed his teeth. I wrote this on the white board and then kept track of any offenders there. Once the “rule” and the “consequence” were written down, I was no longer at a loss as to what to do when I noticed a toothbrush that still had toothpaste on it. I didn’t have to nag, fuss, or feel frustrated. I could just call the non-toothbrusher to the bathroom, tell him to please brush his teeth, and express my sympathy that he had chosen to miss two days’ worth of dessert because he hadn’t brushed them!

Here are a few other examples from the Maxwell household. If a child interrupts, he is to put his hand over his mouth until Dad or Mom lets him take it off. This comes from Proverbs 30:32, “If thou hast done foolishly . . . lay thine hand upon thy mouth.”

Certainly, a child who barges into a conversation is being foolish!

We have also “backwards” applied Proverbs 17:1, “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrifices with strife.” When our children are fussing with each other, the consequence is to eat a dry crust, and we quote this particular verse with them.

May I encourage you that investing the time in determining consequences for “infractions” will be well worth the consistency you will achieve in disciplining your children. It will also remove a big area of frustration for you as the mom. This process takes thought, prayer, and consultation with your husband. Writing down the results, perhaps in a notebook, or on a chart such as the If-Then Chart is a necessity for remembering what you have chosen.

I plan to update our If-Then Chart; they do need revising, in my opinion, as the children grow. I have been dealing with times of frustration due to the uncertainty in discipline issues, because I have not been using the “tools” the Lord has given me in this area. I plan to spend time this summer regenerating my chart and then applying it! Maybe you would benefit from doing this too!