Monthly Archives: November 2017

Give an Ear

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What is the cheapest and most expensive thing you have to give? It costs you nothing, yet what you give it to will either reap huge dividends or be a burden if given to harmful things. It is your attention!

If you pay careful attention to your Lord, His Word, your wife, your family and to increasing vocational skills–oh what value you will receive back.

Families are starved for their dad’s attention. In addition to my observations, I recently read how men usually stop increasing their vocational skills after five years of employment. May we give our all to our Lord, our families and our work.

“Who hath ears to hear, let him hear” (Matthew 13:9).

Do We Really?

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I’m confident that every parent knows what it feels like when a child is ungrateful or has an entitlement attitude in spite of our best efforts to teach them to have a thankful heart. Don’t you agree that whatever we have given our children is minimal compared to the blessings our God has showered on us? What an awesome and loving God we serve, and oh how blessed we are.

Maybe it doesn’t matter if our children are ungrateful. Then again, maybe it is serious – far beyond our wildest imagination.

“Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.  Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools, And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things. Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves: Who changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator, who is blessed for ever. Amen” (Romans 1:21-25).

Steve

Reliable as?

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Have you appreciated the fact that:

  • days are 24 hours long – everyday,
  • weeks are 7 days – always,
  • the sun rises and sets – always predictively?

Can you imagine how difficult life would be if:

  • days varied from 16 to 32 hours in no predictable fashion
  • weeks might have any number of days without rhythm or reason
  • and the sun’s behavior was totally random, came up some days and maybe never set other days?

It is easy to take for granted consistency. Sure some might consider consistency boring. However, consistency makes life much easier and is a huge blessing.

Dad, how dependable are you in the good things that matter? You will consistently:

  • go to sleep at the same time
  • wake up at the same time
  • keep your word
  • come home when you committed
  • have personal and family Bible time
  • help with the children when you are home.

It must be all of the time, consistently! (BTW, It is not a blessing to be consistently late or lazy, nor to be counted on some of the time – the problem is not knowing when.)

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58).

Steve

Where’s the Respect?

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Many moms are discouraged by a lack of respect from their children. This is contributed to by children’s negative words, tone of voice, facial expressions, or not doing what they are to do. Recently one of my unmarried sons asked some profound questions on this topic. He said, “For those moms whose children don’t respect them, I wonder if she respects her husband. What are the children seeing in her responses to her husband? Could it be that she has set a negative example for her children through her interactions with her husband?” This young man has been watching and observing families—husbands and wives, and moms and children.

Those questions hit the core of the wife part of this verse. “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

Agreement?

When your husband brings something up, would he say you will be on his side and agree with him? Or would he be pretty sure the opposite would occur—disagreement and opposition? If we, as wives, are negative toward our husband’s ideas, what will our children learn about how to respond to us? Doesn’t that teach them to disagree, make excuses, and tell why something won’t work, or they don’t want to do it? Would you view that as disrespectful from a child to his mom?

Criticism?

What about when your husband says or does something you don’t think is so good? Do you point it out to him? Do you tell him what he should have done? Do you correct him? If so, what does that model for your children? Does that encourage them to do those same things to you? Would you see that as respectful or disrespectful toward you?

Excuses?

If your husband were to give you advice or counsel, would you ignore it or make excuses for why it wouldn’t work? If so, do your children obey you when you give them directions? If they don’t, could it be because they haven’t seen you happily and willingly receiving input into your life from your husband?

An Encouraging Story

This was shared with me after the recent Mom’s Corner about being an “I Can” mom.

“At my bridal shower, women wrote advice on 3×5 cards. One woman instructed me to be a ‘Yes, Let’s’ kind of wife. So that no matter what crazy scheme (or sedate suggestion, your mileage may vary) your husband suggests, be quick to have a ‘yes’ attitude instead of thinking of all the reasons why it is a bad idea/won’t work/would be too hard/etc. Oh, the stories I could tell. But 14 years in, our marriage is amazing, and sometimes he even asks what I think about a crazy scheme before he launches it and is shocked when I say, ‘Why are you asking me? I’m in.’” 

I love the advice that was given and this young mom’s grabbing and running with it.

Resources

Steve and I attended a Love and Respect marriage conference by Emerson and Sarah Eggerich earlier this year. Over and over as Dr. Eggerich gave husband/wife scenarios that included wives not respecting husbands, the audience laughed. We could relate well. He also shared many examples of husbands not loving wives. We recommend their marriage conference and book if you would like to grow in respecting your husband.

In my audio session Loving Your Husband, I go into more depth about specific ways the Lord showed me that I wasn’t respecting Steve in our marriage and what He was teaching me to correct that. (Between now and Thanksgiving, November 23rd, if you order Managers of Their Homes, we’ll include Loving Your Husband free.)

We also recommend two of Dr. S. M. Davis’ resources: The Attitude No Lady Should Have and How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage.

Change

In this Mom’s Corner, I am trying to get you to think about a correlation between your children’s attitudes toward you and your attitudes toward your husband. What if you were to grow in respect toward your husband? Is it possible it would give your children a new role model in respect to you? Certainly once patterns and habits are established, they can be hard to break, but wouldn’t it be worth trying? Are you the “I can” or the “I can’t” mom? I wonder how your husband might respond too.

Trusting in Jesus,
Teri

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What Means More

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Everything in life is a trade. You exchange something you have for something you want. Your time is the primary currency you begin with. Then you earn income and exchange that for things.

Now consider what will you exchange to bring up your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, to disciple them in the grace and love of the Lord Jesus Christ, to give them a love for the Lord and disdain the world? I believe the correct mindset for that trade is EVERYTHING. May we not hold anything back when it comes to our children. What does that mean practically?

It could mean:

  • Dad takes a lower paying job so he has more time to work with and disciple his children.
  • The family moves across town, or across the state, or across the country.
  • The family drives farther to a church because it is likeminded.
  • Dad gives up expensive hobbies to have more time and money for the family.
  • Dad structures his day so that he has personal and family Bible time every day.
  • Dad sees how negative entertainment is and chooses simple family pleasures.
  • Ultimately Dad gives up his rights in exchange for the good of his family.

What a heartbreak to observe families losing children where Dad is unwilling to count the cost and give everything he holds dear for the good of his family.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

Steve

Adapting Can be Harmful

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As a young airman in 1970 stationed in Thailand, I could tell the baht bus I was riding was entering the small town because the smell from the open sewers announced our arrival. Thankfully, it wouldn’t take long to become accustomed to it.

Driving west on I-70, there is a large cattle feed lot from which smells overtake you if there is a southerly breeze. I assume those living near it become used to it.

It is amazing how quickly we adapt to negative things. Sadly, our soul can all-to-quickly adapt to things after our initial repulsion. I’m confident that is why the Lord told the Israelites to destroy things that would be a snare to them as they conquered an idolatrous land. 

“The graven images of their gods shall ye burn with fire: thou shalt not desire the silver or gold that is on them, nor take it unto thee, lest thou be snared therein: for it is an abomination to the Lord thy God. Neither shalt thou bring an abomination into thine house, lest thou be a cursed thing like it: but thou shalt utterly detest it, and thou shalt utterly abhor it; for it is a cursed thing” (Deuteronomy 7:25-26). 

Are we being on guard for things that will ensnare us and our family? At first it may seem harmless, even a bit funny. However, Satan will package it any way he can to get it into our homes and hearts, but evil is still evil. There will be consequences. 

Steve