Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

What to Do When Siblings Squabble?

Is there anything more common or more annoying than siblings squabbling? We have only come across one family, with two children, whose children say they never fought with each other. For most of us, that bickering between our children was a daily battle. We moms then ended up involved, refereeing the battle, giving admonishment and instruction, and often handing out consequences. 

Don’t moms love this verse? “Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!” (Psalms 133:1). That was the desire of my heart for my children, but it was not the natural reality of their lives. So we worked toward that goal. 

A Consequence for Sibling Squabbles

One consequence we instituted as our children grew beyond preschool age was to assign the fighting children extra chore work that they were to do together. This removed them from the context of playing, which was when many of the squabbles developed as each tried to get what they wanted. Extra team chores took them into another realm where in order to complete the task they had to work together. 

Benefits of the Consequence

We found this consequence helpful for many reasons. First it gave me a set consequence that was easy to implement. That was a huge benefit since when I didn’t know what consequence to use, I did one of 3 things. I either ignored it, gave a consequence too big or too small, or lectured. Those were all frustrations and disappointments to me because they weren’t effective, and then I was more likely to react negatively to the children. When I knew exactly how to deal with a problem, I was able to maintain that meek and quiet spirit that my heart yearned for in those child raising years. 

Extra work together as a consequence for bickering benefitted the family because necessary chores was accomplished. The children who were troublemakers, because of their consequence, then freed up others from needing to do that work. 

We often assigned dinner clean up to children who weren’t getting along. Generally dinner cleanup jobs were given to anyone who was not on the meal preparation team. When clean up was used as a consequence for the bickering children, then the children who got along well were released from their normal meal clean up chores. That seemed to make the consequence doubly effective since we ended up rewarding good behavior in the process of disciplining the bad. 

This consequence forced the children receiving it to be a team. The more they continued to oppose each other, the longer the task took to accomplish. It really didn’t matter to me how long it took them to do the chore, but it did matter to them. Through experience they soon learned how much more efficient it was to work together rather than against each other.  We liked the natural consequences built into this discipline.

Our Go-To Consequence for Sibling Bickering

I am not saying that you don’t share Scripture with your children, help them learn how loving sibling relationships look and work, and teach them to see their wrong and ask forgiveness. That is all an important part of it, too. But for the practical aspect of a consequence for sibling bickering, this one was a go-to for Steve and me. 

Now our children are grown, and two brothers in particular share memories of all the numerous dinner clean ups they did together. It was certainly a work in progress for them that wasn’t accomplished with the first, second, or even tenth consequence. I love to see them now as not just loving siblings, but brothers in Christ who love and serve their wives and children. And you know what? They are really good in the kitchen!

Try Harder?

I expect all of us have reactions of impatience, frustration, or even anger at times that we would rather not have. Here’s what likely happens after the reaction. We are unhappy with ourselves because it isn’t a reaction that is godly and loving. So, we determine that next time we will be more aware, more careful, and avoid that negative reaction. Try, try, try again. The reality is that such a plan simply doesn’t succeed because we are doing it in our own strength.

This scenario might even be upmost on the minds of the homeschooling moms who began their new school year recently and are in the midst of all the time pressure, child craziness, and stress that brings. 

If trying harder isn’t the solution, what might be? 

Really See It As Sin

For me, my wrong reactions had to become more than just something I wished I didn’t do. In my struggle with anger, I minimized it as sin and excused it as normal based on stress, lack of sleep, or perhaps being the other person’s fault. I had to view my sin as an offense against a holy God and another person and stop making excuses. 

“Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest” (Psalms 51:4).

The remedy was to ask the Lord’s forgiveness, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). And then also ask forgiveness of the person I offended.

“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Matthew 5:23-24).

I remember those years when my children were younger, and the Lord was teaching me this path. I asked their forgiveness when my response to them wasn’t right, and every time, the child said, “Yes, Mommy, I forgive you.”

Pray 

Next pray, yielding to Him, acknowledging need and inability, and asking for His help. God tells us His strength is sufficient and that His grace is made perfect in weakness. 

“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

He wants to aid us, but if, in our pride, we tackle it on our own, He leaves us to that muddle, “ . . . and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble” (Peter 5:5b).

Find Scripture

Finally, use your daily time in the Word to find Scripture that applies to the areas you most often find yourself frustrated or angry in. Then write the verses out on a notecard that you can carry around with you. Review them regularly and pray when you do. When you hit one of THE situations, pull it out, read it OUT LOUD, and pray right away. This can become your new, good habit. As you practice, with the Lord’s grace and strength, it will replace your bad habit of the negative reactions. If you do this, you will be amazed at how quickly you memorize the verses you are using. Soon you no longer need to read the card. Instead the verses are there in your mind.

Simple but Powerful

You might tell me that this is simplistic. Perhaps it is, but that’s the beauty of our walk with Christ. In addition, simple isn’t always easy. I personally found these truths from God’s Word to be powerful in my life. They grew me away from those negative reactions. Could I encourage you to try them? 

If you benefited from this month’s Mom’s Corner, we have a couple of resources that will be of additional help.
Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit
Sweet Journey

If you would like to read about baby Maddy coming home from the hospital and our recent family news, go to our blog.

Blessings in Christ,

Teri

Schedules and Chores

August heralds the start of a new school year for most homeschooling moms. While your focus has necessarily been researching and choosing school books, there are two other practical foundations that play a major role in how successful your school year turns out to be. 

Those stabilizing pillars are a solid schedule and chore system. Without these, you both fritter and waste time that is critical to keeping up with school. You bog yourself down in daily household upkeep rather than having big chunks of time for education. 

The homeschool mom doesn’t have the luxury of starting through her day one task at a time, hoping it all gets done. She needs to hit the floor, knowing what should happen and when, not only for herself but for her children as well. With a plan, she can be as efficient as possible – with time and chores. She is no longer simply cook, housekeeper, and laundress, but also school teacher. That is a full-time job added on to another full-time job.

Some try to muddle through without a schedule and chore system, but they are usually the first to say that it is truly a muddle. I believe that the schedule and chore system is the undergirding to a powerful and satisfying homeschool year and well worth the investment in them on the front end.

The Schedule

“Schedule” may be an intimidating word and thought to you. It might bring back memories of your experience in public school with bells ringing and tardiness noted. Be assured that the homeschool schedule isn’t as rigid as that, but a written plan that is followed setting aside time for the vital parts of your day. 

If you don’t write your plan down but try to keep it in your head, it easily gets lost in all the other things you store in your mind. Paper and pencil or a computer – either works for documenting a schedule. 

You could be surprised at how quickly making a schedule goes. Just sit down to the task and begin putting the various pieces in place. You are probably living a schedule already for bedtime, wake-up time, and mealtime. Write that down on your schedule. Next fill in personal Bible time, chores, and the details of school. Then see what time is available to plug in extras. Simple!

The Chore Plan

As a homeschool mom, you won’t have time for as many housekeeping chores as the stay-at-home mom whose children are in school. Plus it is critical that you have as much help as possible from your children. That means being purposeful, efficient, and delegating. A chore plan is your tool toward those goals.

To simplify your chore planning start by documenting what is already happening in your home as far as chore assignments. After that, figure out what other chores your children are capable of doing and assign them. Write it all down so that everyone knows what is expected of them and give chores particular spots in your schedule. Set standards for the chore work. Figure out consequences for not doing the work or not doing it to the standard. Don’t forget to inspect the chores. 

Starting with the End in Mind

Finishing a homeschool year having accomplished what you set out to do is extremely satisfying. Reaching summer with books unfinished is disappointing and discouraging. A schedule and chore plan will facilitate your homeschooling success. The effort you put into a schedule and chore system before you begin your school year pays off. You are likely to reach the end of the school year having achieved your academic goals. Make it your priority now!

If you need more help with a schedule or chore systemManagers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores is designed to walk you through those processes step by step. 

Learn of God

Do you ever struggle with fear, worry, or anxiety? When that is a part of our lives, then we lack rest and peace in our souls. We might want to have a quiet heart, but the worry ends up consuming our thoughts. Because worry seems to be something we regularly, or even often, deal with, I address it from time to time in Mom’s Corners. Usually, the theme of those articles is taking our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) by using Scripture to help us think truth.

Did you know that God has given us another solution to this problem? Actually, this is a solution to anything that causes unrest in our hearts such as anger, discouragement, or self-pity.

The Biblical Basis

Look at these passages:

Matthew 11:28-29: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.”

2 Peter 1:2-3: “Grace and peace be multiplied unto you through the knowledge of God, and of Jesus our Lord, According as his divine power hath given unto us all things that pertain unto life and godliness, through the knowledge of him that hath called us to glory and virtue.”

Here we see two amazing things about quietness for our souls. First Matthew 11 tells us that when we learn of Christ, we find rest for our souls. Secondly, in 2 Peter, it says that grace and peace are not just given to us, but it is multiplied through the knowledge of God and of Jesus.

Not About Me!

Overcoming worry, or anything claiming our peace, isn’t about me, but it is about God, the One Who is peace and gives us peace. We are to know Him more and better if we want rest for our souls. Have you ever embarked on a path of learning more of Christ?

For most of my life in my personal Bible time, I focused on trying to get something from the Word, something that was for me to help me. If I was discouraged, I looked for verses in what I read that day that would encourage my heart. If I was dealing with frustration or anger, I tried to find something that addressed that. If I didn’t have anything specific, I would read the chapters where I was and ask God to show me verses that were needful in my life.

How Does It Work?

In Jim Berg’s book, God Is More Than Enough, he teaches this biblical path to quieting a noisy soul that focuses on learning about God. Reading that book, I got excited to begin asking the question in my Bible reading time: What does this teach about God?

How does learning about God quiet our souls? There is always a truth about God and Who He is that relates to what is creating unrest in our hearts. It might be His sovereignty, His mercy, His love, His faithfulness, His grace, or another of the multitude of His wonderful qualities. We take what we know of God, through His Word, and we choose to believe that what we have learned of Him is true. Our souls can rest, as Jim Berg says, because of those stabilizing truths.

Of course, we learn about God in our Sunday School classes, preaching services in church and other preaching we listen to, and Bible studies we attend. There are two great Christian classics on this topic: Attributes of God by J. I. Packer and The Knowledge of the Holy by A. W. Tozer.

May I encourage you to learn more about God in your personal Bible time? And if you aren’t in the Word each day, may I encourage you of the necessity of that in your life?

Teri Maxwell 

Posted in: Mom's Corner

The Productive Summer Schedule for Homeschoolers

A productive summer schedule can help homeschoolers (or anyone) toward desires or goals you have for your summer months. Perhaps those would include doing some homeschooling, accomplishing activities that don’t fit into a homeschool year, or simply relationship building. Whatever the desire, purposefulness in making a schedule should give time to work on various aspects that lead to its achievement. Often moms get to the end of their summer dismayed with their lack of productivity and disappointed that they didn’t accomplish what they had envisioned. Your schedule is a tool that will let you look back on summer with satisfaction rather than regret.

If you haven’t scheduled before, summer is a perfect time to learn scheduling because usually summer has a more relaxed pace than the school months do.

List and Pray

To begin, write your desires for summer accomplishments onto a list. Having these desires in writing means you can visualize the ideas all together. You have a limited amount of time and energy so what you want to accomplish will be mitigated by that. The list and then the schedule is a reality check for what is reasonable to try to do.

Before you work on the actual schedule, you want to pray and seek the Lord’s direction for what He would have you and your children accomplish this summer. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5). You may grow or shrink the list as you spend praying over it and also evaluating your available time.

Then pray about the actual planning and working out of the schedule since you want God’s help through that process. He is the One Who gives you direction and creativity for how to put the pieces of your schedule together.

Add a Few Notes

Now look at your list of desires for the summer. What needs to be scheduled to accomplish those goals? Start by making notes on your list since a particular goal might mean multiple spots on the schedule.

For example, your list says: summer school. But your note would be more specific – keep math and reading going during the summer by doing it daily. Your list could have: relationship building. Your note with it might say: weekly outing with one child rotating every week through the summer, assign a kitchen helper for each meal, have a daily game time. 

Assign Times

The next step is to put times with what you have on your list. It simplifies the schedule and schedule production if you use the same schedule for summer that you do for the school year when it comes to your normal daily needs. Then you don’t have to relearn that routine for the summer. School time is freed up to assign for your summer accomplishments, but the rest of the schedule remains the same.

If, however, you want to change the whole thing up, your schedule can accommodate! Just be sure to write it down. Trying to keep it in your mind is a setup for failure!

Then you use your notes to help you put what is on your list into time slots on the schedule. What is on it that you will do every day? Plug those into your schedule first. That allows you to evaluate the time blocks you have available for activities that don’t happen every day. If you want to have larger chunks of time for outings, try to group your daily activities together, so that you have several hours that can be scheduled for outings and the activities that don’t happen every day.

Finally what is on the list that you can do a couple of times a week or once a week? Put those into the blocks that are still open after the daily pieces have been entered into the schedule.

Make the Summer Schedule a Reality

Sometimes putting together a schedule seems daunting. That’s usually the case when it is all floating around in your head. Committing the details to paper or the computer, generally flows nicely once you take that first step to begin.

The productive summer schedule for homeschoolers will help you end your summer with a smile as you look back over all that you achieved through those months. 

If you need more scheduling help, I recommend our book called Managers of Their Homes. That book is full of scheduling information plus it walks you step by step through putting a schedule together utilizing the included scheduling kit. 

Here are some other articles on summer scheduling.

Children’s Summer Chores

When is the best time to work on chores? I believe summer is the time to put together a chore plan, assign children chores, teach them how to do their chores, and practice. Especially for homeschooling moms, the slower pace of summer affords valuable time for a chore emphasis that isn’t available during the school year. Plus with diligence and purpose for chores in the summer, your home maintenance should be as efficient as possible freeing time for other pursuits.

Put Together a Children’s Summer Chore Plan

I have heard about online plans and things you can sign up for to receive emails to tell you what to do and when to do it concerning chores. If you think about it, though, you are the only one who knows what needs to be done in your home, who makes up the chore team, who has time available, and who knows how to do particular jobs. I am convinced that you are the best one to design a summer chore plan for your children.

Commit the plan to paper. It has to be something you can look at and refer to, not something stored in your head! Think through the chores that need to be accomplished in your home and make a list of what comes to mind. You can add to it and refine it as you go. Start basic. Just get the critical chores written down. 

Be sure your children are accomplishing tasks that involve their self care such as making their beds, picking up their toys and clothes and putting them away, and helping in the kitchen. You will not only have chore help now, but you are preparing your children to handle responsibility throughout their lives.

Assign Children Chores

Next decide who can do the chore. If you have children helping with chores, plan for the youngest child who is capable to do the chore. Is it time for an older child to hand a chore over to a younger sibling? Perhaps the older child is ready to move into a higher skilled chore. When putting together your children’s summer chore plan, this information is necessary.

Teach Children Their Chores

Then work with your children to teach them to do their chores this summer. If you spend a few days teaching and then supervising bed making, your children will soon be proficient at it. The same goes for folding laundry or any other chore. First demonstrate, then work with the child, finally observe them doing it on their own. 

It is easier and quicker to do it ourselves when our children are just maturing to a capable age for a chore. In the long run, however, you are wise to invest in teaching your children to do chores. Remember you need help now, and they need to be able to function efficiently with chore work as adults. 

Schedule Chores

Finally remember that a great chore plan and children who know what to do doesn’t gain anticipated benefits unless you have a schedule in place. You want a summer schedule that allows time at the appropriate spot in the day for your children to do those chores. Usually chores fit naturally around meal times and before bed. On your written list be sure to put down the scheduled time for each chore. 

You will have to choose to be diligent to enforce that chore block on the schedule. Don’t expect your children to be enthusiastic about their work and rush to do it on their own. I think you can affect their attitudes by your own attitude toward your household chores. The more positive you are about your work, the more they will be about theirs. Dealing with their failures in a pleasant but firm manner, more quickly marches you forward with chore success. 

Redeeming Time this Summer

“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). I can’t help but wonder if one way we can redeem time to invest in what is of eternal value to the kingdom of God is to have a home that functions efficiently and children who are being trained to be adults. The more chaos in a home, the more time it sucks from all the family members. We want to spend as little time as possible on household tasks so we have more time to serve the Lord in other ministry. Invest this summer in a children’s chore system and redeem the time.

If you need help with a chore plan, I recommend our book Managers of Their Chores. In that book, I take you step by step through putting together a chore system. 

Other Titus2 chore articles:

Children’s Chores

Summer Schedules and Chores

Benefiting from Summer Chores

Busy Moms Can Read the Bible

We regularly discuss in Mom’s Corners the necessity and value of busy moms reading their Bibles. Sadly, it is easy for anyone, and the busier, perhaps the easier, to declare she is just too busy to be in the Word. The excuse is that God understands. But I wonder. The God of the Universe says our desire for the sincere milk of the Word was to be as if we were newborn babies. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). That means we crave the Word if we want to grow, and time is not even to be a consideration (babies have lots of time).

An Example of a Busy Mom Who Reads Her Bible

I had lunch the other day with a friend, who recently moved from across the country and now lives just 45 minutes from me. She’s a busy, homeschool mom, like many of you are or were. In 2007, she started reading her Bible daily. At that time, she only had two children. Now she has five. Her life has only gotten busier since she started daily, Bible reading. She has had every reason to say she didn’t have time, but she wanted to grow spiritually.

Fourteen years after that decision to daily spend time reading her Bible, she now has a beautiful, spiritual life along with thirteen lovely journals that document her faithful meetings each morning with her Savior, Jesus Christ. Back then, she grabbed hold of a simple, yet powerful, way to spend time in the Word. She reads, finds a verse that speaks to her heart from her reading, copies that verse into a notebook, and then journals about what that verse said or meant to her. She told me what an amazing blessing that time in the Word has been to her.

The Busy Mom’s Outcome When She Reads Her Bible

Her life shines with the spiritual fruit that comes from Bible reading. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

I observed that fruit in her life as we talked. Her life was not pressure-free. She had struggles and difficulties, but she radiated faith through them. She sparkled with joy in what God was doing in her life and her family’s life. She was filled with love for those she served. She demonstrated peace as she talked about the trials she faced. She lived out long-suffering as she told about physical problems that were ongoing. 

Jesus Says Not By Bread Alone

When Jesus faced Satan’s temptations in the desert, one of them was to command the stones to be turned to bread. After all, with forty days of fasting, Jesus was hungry. He did have a physical need. “But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Do we consider time in the Word to be even more important than our daily physical needs and duties? Or could it be that a little more sleep or the pressures of responsibilities push out time for the words God gave us in the Bible?

Mary Sits at Jesus’ Feet

We have another example in the New Testament that I believe we can relate to—the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. 

“Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Nothing in my life compares with serving Jesus like Martha was serving Him by preparing food for Him and the disciples. Yet, Martha was rebuked for being burdened with her service, and Mary was commended for hearing Jesus’ words. Jesus said that Mary learning from Him was what was needed. 

Is It Worth Being Too Busy?

May I again implore you to set aside any “too busy” excuses for not spending time reading your Bible? Would you choose today to find a place in your busy life for God’s Word and then be faithful to meet Him there every day?

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105).

“Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word” (Psalms 119:114).

For more encouragement on this topic of our walk with the Lord and Bible time, check out Sweet Journey.

How to Overcome DIscouragement for the Homeschool Mom

I regularly have moms write who are struggling with discouragement, negative thoughts, and even depression. I understand and empathize with these moms. I look back on my younger years, early in our homeschooling days, and that was me. We had great expectations for our daily walk with the Lord in family life, and then I was discouraged if life, or more specifically my reaction to life events, didn’t meet my expectations. Those happenings could range from spilled milk at breakfast to the difficulties of teaching children to be kind to each other or obey Mommy and Daddy to living with chronic pain—the whole gamut of daily life.

Our mind is an incubator for problems when we harbor negative thoughts, discouragement, or depression. What we do with our minds influences how we feel. If we let negative, stress-filled thoughts stay and put down roots, then we will be pulled lower and lower emotionally. But if we battle those negative thoughts with the truth of the Word, then we have done this: “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked” (Ephesians 6:16). Satan wants to cripple or destroy us with destructive thoughts. God wants to protect us through faith in Him. Practically speaking how would this work?

I just had a mom mention things that derailed her and discouraged her. They were a baby taking off a messy diaper before she got to him on waking up and then another day it was ants in the kitchen. So let’s take the baby’s mess as an example and walk through wrong versus right thinking.

Take Your Thoughts Captive

Here is our theme verse of truth: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). 

This mom can think:
This is so hard.
I don’t have time to deal with this.
Why do these things always happen?
I don’t want to have to deal with this.
I am so discouraged.
I can’t handle this.

Or she can take those thoughts captive with Scriptures like: 
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

She thinks:
Thank You, Lord, for this sweet, stinky little guy. Thank You for a washing machine. Thank You that I can praise and worship You, while I clean up. Thank You that I can talk to my children and sing with them as we do this work.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). 

She thinks: 
Lord, You allowed this mess to happen, and You will give me strength to clean it up and then accomplish what You have for me to do today.

“Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you”  (1 Peter 5:7). 

She thinks:
Lord, You know I don’t feel I have time to deal with this, but I give it to You to be Your problem, not mine. Thank You that You care for me and that I can do all things through Your strength in me.

Practice It 

It is simple for me to write, but I know it is truly the spiritual battle that Ephesians 6 tells us about. Whether you are young or old, single, or with a family, you probably have negative, discouraging thoughts from time to time or frequently. Why don’t you try as Jim Berg tells us in his great book, God Is More Than Enough, saying to yourself: STOP/THINK. Then say or read (if you don’t have it memorized) an appropriate Scripture and put the right thoughts into your mind. Try it. Then let me know what you think of that instead of letting the negative thoughts stagnate and rule your mind. I love to hear from you!

Posted in: Mom's Corner

Prioritizing Relationships That Matter

Next to our salvation and a relationship with Jesus Christ, probably the most important thing to us is our families and relationships with them. Life is busy for all, and maybe even busier for the homeschooling mom. What happens to those priority relationships for busy homeschool moms in the midst of that lifestyle? Is it possible to accomplish what needs to be done but lose the heart thrust of relationships? How can we purposefully nurture relationships but still keep up with the responsibilities the Lord has called us to fulfill?

Schedule

Your schedule is critical for helping you prioritize relationships. First, it maximizes your productivity, allowing you the most time possible to invest in relationships.

Next, it shows you where your time is misplaced. Is it possible that you have time for relationship building, but you are spending it in ways that aren’t your real priorities? Social media, texting, and emailing could be your biggest time robbers. Some of the moms I admire the most are the ones who choose to keep those things contained within a scheduled time frame and stay away from them the rest of the time. When your children leave home, what do you want them to remember about you—the mom who had her face glued to her phone or one who looked at them?

You can put activities into the schedule that are relationship building. What about scheduling individual time with a child? It probably won’t be every day except for school time, but it could be once or twice a week. Even a half an hour or hour dedicated to one child will grow that relationship. It might be a time where you simply talk, perhaps discussing spiritual things and the child’s struggles and joys. “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26). It could also be doing something with him that you know he enjoys doing.

Working Together

If you have your children scheduled one at a time to work with you in the kitchen for meal preparation, you just gained a huge amount of relationship-building time. With 21 meals a week, if we estimated 30 minutes preparation time per meal—breakfast will likely take less and dinner more—that comes up to ten hours of individual, relationship-building time per week.

By keeping it to just one helper, your full attention is on every story that child wants to tell you, every joy he desires to share with you, and every worry that is on his heart. You have the opportunity to speak into his life what you see he is doing well and those things you know he could grow in.

In the process of all of that, in addition to relationship building, your child learns kitchen skills he takes with him through life and character that equips him for the areas of service God will call him to in adulthood. I can assure you that your two-year-old will slow you down in the kitchen, but he will be a happy helper full of enthusiasm and words. By the time he is five, he will be capable of doing many tasks independently and at eight, there might be meals he could do alone. Don’t resort to giving him that assignment on a normal basis, though, because remember—by working together you are taking time with and for that child.

Attitudes

Balanced with spending time together for relationship building is your attitude in general. If you spend lots of time with a child but are negative when you are together, I doubt that relationship will grow strong. Take inventory. When you talk to your children, are you negative and critical or encouraging and positive? Do you smile at them or talk to them with your eyes focused on your phone, seeming distracted?

Blessed

Ask the Lord to help you find ways to build relationships with your children. There is nothing dearer to a mother’s heart than for this to be true:  “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her” (Proverbs 31:28). May I encourage you to purposefully invest in growing relationships with your children.

If you need help making a schedule, Managers of Their Homes is a resource we have available for you. It has helped many, many moms do what you want to do.

In the Word: The Right Priority

As the year closed and the new one began, did you evaluate yourself spiritually, looking back and looking forward? Can you see spiritual growth in your life? If so, do you want more? If not, do you want it this year? Bible reading is the right priority in your life, and it is key to spiritual growth.

God’s Word

God gives us the path to spiritual growth. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). 

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Too Busy? Too Tired?

I’ve learned something about people. They find time for things that are important to them. The Word is what nourishes and sustains our souls and keeps us going when things are crazy, hectic, overwhelming, hurtful, or troubling. You name it—God’s Word helps us with it. Bible reading is the right priority. Therefore, I must be in the Word. We make time to eat physical food. Nourishing our souls is just as critical as nourishing our bodies. I remember the days of babies, preschoolers, and homeschooling. I heard moms in that stage of life say, “I don’t have time to read my Bible. I would like to, but I have so much to do, and I am too tired to get up early. God understands. This is just a stage in my life. Things will be different later.”

While that sounded appealing to my flesh, my soul had a deep need. Like that newborn baby Peter talks about, I longed for the milk of the Word so I could grow spiritually. Sisters, you know babies aren’t put off easily from eating. They are insistent and demanding. That is the attitude we need toward time in the Word—an attitude that nothing will keep us from it. 

Early Will I Seek Thee

I understand the problem of not having time for Bible reading, but I also learned the solution. Make a scheduled time, an appointment if you will, with the Lord and your Bible. When you get up early to read your Bible before family life begins, you have fewer interruptions, you gather spiritual manna to carry you through the rest of the day, you focus on what is truly important, and you begin the day abiding in the Vine. You carry truth from the Word in your heart and mind as you move into your daily tasks. “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” (Psalms 63:1).

Starts Even Earlier

Here’s the secret to getting up early to have time with the Lord. Go to bed early! You won’t get up with your alarm if you haven’t had enough sleep. I can almost guarantee that. You will make an excuse about needing more sleep, roll over, and go back to sleep. And in doing that, you reap negative consequences all day. How sweet it is, though, to rise before the children, get your Bible, and spend time with your Lord—praising, worshipping, delighting, feeding, learning, growing, and being nurtured. 

You might tell me how much you have to do at night and that you can’t go to bed early. Sister, evaluate your priorities. Is texting, computer time, dishes, laundry—whatever is keeping you up—more important than Jesus, more important than drinking the sincere milk of the Word, more important than the fruit of the Spirit in your life?

If you are staying up late for those tasks, implement a daily schedule, and they can be accomplished before bedtime. 

Dear Sisters, no more excuses, no more wishing it was different, no more living without spiritual milk and manna, no more good plans for tomorrow. Choose today, the beginning of a new year, to do what God tells us will help you be what He wants you to be and what you want to be as well.

Do you need help putting together time in the Word? If so, we have two resources available: Managers of Their Homes (for scheduling) and Sweet Journey (for spiritual discipline).

Posted in: Mom's Corner