Category Archives: Series

Unwanted Feelings – Part 4

This was posted on by .

As we continue our discussion of unwanted feelings, I want to share with you a beautiful example of how one mom applied what we have been talking about in this series in her life. But first, I’ll refresh with the e-mail that began these articles:

I woke up hurting and aching about the adoption this morning, and the feeling never left. Seeking HIM and seeking the peace and clarity that only HE can give.

Could you please pray for me to find my comfort in Christ? And to trust HIM. If you have time, could you please send me a Scripture that brings you comfort in times of loss? I will meditate on it. Amy

The first three articles in this series can be found here. If you haven’t read them, you will want to do that to have the complete picture concerning the process of dealing with unwanted feelings.

The following testimony fits well with our introductory e-mail because the events that led up to the testimony involve a difficult pregnancy, pre-term labor, and a premature birth. Read the following as a different Amy, Amy E., shares her heart through this process.

Dear Maxwell Family,

I thank you so much for your prayers on my behalf and for your notes of encouragement!

Back at Christmas time, I began asking the Lord to give me a new “theme” for 2012—a focus for my objectives for the new year. Reading in Genesis, I came across the verse where God said to Abraham, “. . . Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward” (Genesis 15:1). I meditated on that verse for some time and concluded that while we know that the Lord was about to do a lot of awesome things through Abraham’s life—in this verse, He was ultimately offering HIMSELF to Abraham as the reward in the end. A couple days later, I came to the verse I chose as my theme. It was: “And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me” (Genesis 22:12). I concluded that God knows we fear Him when we don’t withhold things from Him. I chose my memory verses for the year based on the things I tend to withhold from God and manage myself, areas where I wasn’t trusting Him.

A week later there was a bend in the road that I hadn’t seen coming, but the Lord had faithfully prepared me to go that way with these verses. It all started the first day in January when I was admitted to the hospital at twenty-three weeks along and discovered that I had no amniotic fluid, increased bleeding, and various other factors. Before long we learned that HUGE numbers of people were praying. It made me wonder what God was going to do that He was getting so many people on board for. Maybe this was going to be a miracle baby?

Over the next two weeks the Lord used my Bible time and a book I was reading to encourage me. Being removed from my normal environment (the hospital was an hour from home), He also gave me the opportunity to “try out” my resolve about not withholding things from Him. I could control nothing that was going on—nothing at home, nothing with the children, nothing with my body—NOTHING! He is so good!

I verbalized to several ladies that came to see me one day that the baby was not the ultimate end. I shared my verses and my belief that the end was the LORD—baby or no baby. He wanted to show me Himself as I had never seen Him before. The book I was reading said that we can’t know Him as the God of victory unless we face a battle. We can’t know Him as the God of all comfort if we don’t experience deep sorrow. Though my hope was that the Lord was going to see this baby through, I did consider that maybe He was going to use the baby to show Himself to me in a different way. Whenever the Lord gets many people involved in a situation, it is so that He can show His power, and that His name would be declared throughout all the earth! I thought surely the Lord is going to show Himself mighty by saving this baby!

That very evening after sharing with my friends, I abruptly went into labor. They moved me to labor and delivery and couldn’t find a heartbeat. The doctor found him in the birth canal (a place they never wanted him to be because he wouldn’t be able to handle delivery being so premature). His heart rate was 40 bpm. They moved me to surgery to have a C-section. He was born bruised and small. His little lungs just weren’t developed enough to breathe yet. They disconnected his tubes and wires and handed him to us. He was beautiful, and he smelled so good! He passed on immediately as we held him. He never opened his eyes in this life; the first face he ever saw was the Lord Jesus!

In summary, while this ending was not what I had in mind, the Lord has not ceased to show Himself mighty! I boast in Him as much as if He had sustained our little one. Words cannot express what the Lord has been to me. I have been under the shadow of His wings. I have found that God has lavished Himself on us exceeding abundantly! Every time a meal walked through our door, I felt as though it was from the Lord Himself. The Lord has shown His love so much through other people’s ovens, letters, phone calls, checkbooks, and especially the Scriptures. It has been exceedingly abundant. He has sent the right words of comfort and encouragement when we needed them. He has reminded us of His love all these days, hour by hour. I have seen His face as never before. I love Him more than I did before. And I am so full of thanks for all He has allowed.

I write this because with so many people praying and knowing that the Lord gets many on board so that they might know His power, I purposed that I would declare to as many as possible that there is truly none like Him in all the earth. We serve a mighty and wonderful God. Though my eyes fill with tears from time to time, and my arms are empty, I can say with a full heart, “Thank You Lord for this experience! I love You all the more because of it!”

I mentioned that I started reading in Genesis back at Christmas. As the Bible goes on, I am now in Exodus soaking in each verse, and I get excited to read, “Ye have seen what I did unto the Egyptians, and how I bare you on eagles’ wings, and brought you unto myself” (Exodus 19:4). I feel like I’m there in the account with those people, for their God is still working mightily. I have experienced Him. I hope that you will be like Jethro, who after hearing all that the Lord had done in Egypt, rejoiced in the goodness of the Lord, blessed His name, and worshipped.

In Jesus’ precious Name,

Amy E.

I am delighted that I am able to send Amy’s testimony beyond the boundaries that she anticipated it going. I am praying that her words and example will highlight what we have been discussing in these articles concerning negative emotions. Amy sought the Lord in her pain, and she found Him to be sufficient. I believe He is sufficient for each of us in every circumstance that brings unwanted emotions. Amy came through her trauma not overwhelmed by her pain but overjoyed by her Savior. May each of us do the same.

Bitter of Sweet? – Part 2

This was posted on by .

To listen to this Corner as a podcast, please see this link.

We are continuing a series on marriage. We receive a fair number of e-mails where the main issue has to do with marriage difficulties, and that greatly saddens Teri and me. Surely all marriages begin with great anticipation of the union being joyful and if Christians are marrying, they desire it to be Christ-honoring. Yet, everyone encounters bumps in the road. When the road becomes rough, what happens? Will the couple hunker down, determined to do whatever it takes to smooth things out? Whether your marriage is smooth, bumpy, or severely pothole-ridden, Jesus Christ brings hope that every marriage can improve. He has given us His Spirit and His Word to encourage and equip us so that we might walk in the Spirit and not in the flesh. “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16). Are there some practical ways to walk in the Spirit toward one’s wife?

Let’s look at a foundational passage directed to a husband regarding his relationship with his wife. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). As husbands, we think we know the importance of love for our wives, but do we really understand love from God’s perspective? Men are most easily drawn to emotional and physical love, but God’s command to us through Paul in verse twenty-five can be most enlightening and maybe even a little scary. The more we study this verse, the more we might be tempted to say like the disciples said, “. . . If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry” (Matthew 19:10).

The love a husband is commanded to have for his wife is agape love. Vine’s Expository Dictionary describes agape love as the type of love God has for His Son and for those who believe on the Lord Jesus Christ. It is also the love for believers to have for one another and for all mankind. Agape love is the essential nature of God. In our society, we are used to everything being dumbed-down and disposable, but God is calling us to the highest standard possible in how we are to love our wives. In the same way God loves me, He commands me to love my wife.

The more we understand agape love, the more impossible it sounds for us to love that way. We need to realize that in the flesh we can never love our wives that way. As we prayerfully declare our weakness to the Lord, He will enable. When we are weak, He is our strength. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). When God commands, He empowers. If we have any hope of loving our wives with agape love, we must be saved. Then the Holy Spirit can work through us to love as God has commanded us to love.

Why would God call you to love your wife with agape love? One reason is that it requires us to depend on Him. No one can love another with agape love in their own strength. The greater our dependence on the Lord Jesus, the better. Agape love will weather any storm or trial; it is not only divorce-proof but joy-filled. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:21). Here we see how the Lord ties in our emotions. When we love with agape love, we will be highly investing in our wives, and as we invest our time, effort, and choices, we will have great treasure invested in them. Hence, our heart will follow our efforts. If that is true, and it is, then we ought to look more closely at agape love.

Maybe the primary passage on agape love is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It would be great to memorize and meditate on these four simple, but powerful verses that summarize how God calls us to love. If we live out these verses, they will have significant impact on a marriage. As we read them, notice that agape love is a choice and can only be known by the actions that it prompts. Warm thoughts and a good attitude just aren’t enough!

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

We don’t generally use the word charity when talking about love in our modern English, but it is the King James word for love. Charity suffers long means love is patient, not just when everything is going well, but also when we are tired, hungry, or have had a bad day. I believe patience is one of the greatest measures of our Christian maturity. Is it any wonder it came first in the characteristics of agape love? If the love of our life is late again, and it is time to leave, are we patient or angry? It really is a choice that we can make that she is more important than being on time, and it doesn’t matter what others think of us when we are late. Even better would be for us to take the initiative and help get the children ready early so she isn’t struggling to get it all done before it is time to leave. We are to be a team, pulling together to get the job done. What actions do our love prompt, or is love just an empty word that sounds good when we say it?

Are we kind? Would our families describe us as being kind? Our family’s view of us is objective when in reality our evaluation of ourselves would be quite subjective. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it” (Jeremiah 17:9)? Our hearts are deceitful and can’t be counted on to give us right information about ourselves. We are prone to make excuses and justify, but our families are unbiased as they experience the fruit of our words, attitudes, and actions. Are our words pleasant and gentle without a motive of manipulation? Kindness carries with it actions of benevolence. It is one thing to have a kind attitude but entirely something else to act kindly. Are we likely to do things for others in the home? If your wife is in bed before you at night, do you ask her if she needs anything before turning out the light? Perhaps, it’s Bible time; do you get the Bibles out for everyone if they are already sitting down? If someone needs something from the other room, do you pop up and get it for them? Do you ever clear your wife’s dishes from the table and then work together with the family during cleanup? Family time is filled with opportunities to show kindness.

The next characteristic of love from 1 Corinthians 13 is that we aren’t to be envious. In a study of “envieth not,” I discovered it means to be content. Maybe a key application of this, in the context of loving a wife, is being content with her. Just as we each have our weaknesses, our wives will have their personal weaknesses as well. I show agape love toward my wife when I am content with her in the face of her weaknesses. Rather than wishing she were different, I love her, weaknesses and all, just as I want her to love me despite my failures.

We didn’t even finish verse four in this Corner, but there is so much to think about in this portion alone. We are commanded to be patient. If your wife is late and you end up waiting on her, practice patience. If she has excuses as to why she is late, practice patience. If she is having trouble explaining herself, practice patience.

She deserves to be treated with kindness. Are you doing so? There is no place for envy when I agape love my wife. Rather I am to be fully content with her. She is a treasure from the Lord of great, great value. Am I loving my wife with agape love? Are you loving your wife with agape love? We will continue this topic next month.

By the way, Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to show agape love to your wife.

Unwanted Feelings – Part 3

This was posted on by .

Having lived with anger, anxiety, and depression for several years, I wouldn’t want anyone to be continually experiencing those negative emotions. There are more negative emotions that rob us of the joy we desire to have for ourselves, for our families, and for those with whom we are in contact. Grief is one of those emotions if it is not properly worked through. Grief started out our discussion of dealing with unwanted feelings through this e-mail:

I woke up hurting and aching about the adoption this morning, and the feeling never left. Seeking HIM and seeking the peace and clarity that only HE can give.

Could you please pray for me to find my comfort in Christ? And to trust HIM. If you have time, could you please send me a Scripture that brings you comfort in times of loss? I will meditate on it. Amy

The first two articles in this series can be found here. If you haven’t read those articles, I encourage you to do so because those points are critical to our success. We began with the importance of crying out to the Lord Jesus for His grace and strength in our weakness, including asking others to pray for us. Then we moved into the arena of our thoughts and being thankful rather than focused on what is causing the negative feelings. We also saw the importance of using Scripture to help us.

Let me give you a personal example. Right now I am in the midst of a season of life that is probably very different from most of you, but one you will likely face in the future. I am helping my mom take care of my father, whose health is quickly failing. Each morning I go just around the corner from my house to their house to spend the next half hour getting him out of bed, cleaned up, dressed, and into his recliner chair for breakfast.

As I arrive at their house, I have a choice concerning my thoughts. I can think, “Lord, this is too hard. I don’t want to have to do this. It is depressing to see my dad in this condition.” On the other hand I can have thoughts like the following: “Thank You, Lord, that I live close to my parents, so I can help in their time of need. Lord, help me to lighten their load and make this time a little easier and happier for them. Lord, allow me to show love no matter what task I am faced with doing. Lord, let me never make them feel like a burden. Help me bring a bit of sunshine and joy into their lives this morning with a happy smile and uplifting conversation.”

There is a huge difference in the outcome of those two scenarios but only one difference in what was done. The difference was what I did with my thoughts. Here is a verse I share with you so often in Mom’s Corners. Read it, memorize it, and use it often because it is an integral part of walking in the Spirit and not in the flesh. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

When I allow the “poor me” thoughts, I am giving in to myself—to my flesh. However when I take the thoughts captive and bring them into the captivity of Christ, I gain His grace that allows me to walk in the Spirit and have the fruit of the Spirit that comes with it. This is true for my mornings with my parents, and it is the same for my friend, Amy. As long as she thinks about her loss, how sad it makes her, how devastating it is for her, her empty arms—she simply feels sadder and sadder. However, when she takes the thoughts captive and begins to concentrate on resting in God’s will in her life, trusting her husband’s decisions, thanking God for the children already given to her and other blessings in her life, and rejoicing in the happy reunion with her baby in heaven one day, then the sadness will be replaced by peace and joy.

I would also encourage you to get up and get busy when you have unwanted feelings. If you sit and think about them, they have a way of multiplying and entrenching themselves more firmly. Sometimes that ends up with unwanted actions that accompany the unwanted feelings—an outcome we most certainly would like to avoid. We just finished a series, Lazy to Self-Disciplined on moving from laziness to self-discipline. There will be some good hints if you reread those articles that would motivate you to choose to do something when it would be best for you to be active.

I firmly believe that having a schedule allows us to avoid many unwanted feelings and to deal with the ones that come. The productivity of life with a schedule removes the negative emotions like stress, frustration, and feeling overwhelmed that often arise when we are behind on the tasks that need to be accomplished in our lives. The harmony of sweeter relationships achieved by a family on a schedule, lets us avoid the anger, worry, and bitterness that we feel when our children are bickering, unruly, and disobedient. The direction of a schedule will keep us moving when sadness overwhelms, anxiety consumes, or depression despairs. If you could use help with scheduling, I suggest Managers of Their Homes because in that book, I teach you how to make and utilize a schedule.

I hope that the next time you find yourself flooded with unwanted feelings you will immediately begin to pray. Then take your thoughts captive by being grateful rather than sad, content rather than angry, or trusting rather than worried. Use Scripture to help you with that process. Also do something to take your mind off of what caused the feelings and the feelings themselves. I think you will be very excited! Share your success stories with me. I have a couple of examples I would like to give you next month. Maybe you will have more for me.

Bitter or Sweet? – Part 1

This was posted on by .

To listen to this Corner as a podcast, please see this link.

We receive a fair amount of e-mails. While most are greatly encouraging, a few trouble our hearts. The ones that usually sadden Teri and me the most have to do with marriage difficulties. I’m convinced that no one wants a rocky marriage, or one where each is pulling in different directions. Yet that is quite common. If we have the honor and pleasure of a spouse with which to share a life together, why not make it a wonderful experience? Why not be committed to making our marriages joyous examples to the world of how good a Christ-centered marriage really can be? Living each day with your best friend by your side as you seek to follow the Lord’s direction together, step-by-step, is a beautiful thing.

I’m convinced that any man and woman can live happily together in marriage if they want to, and I believe Scripture teaches that as well. How does one begin to improve a suffering marriage? You start in the same way you would if the marriage is okay currently, but the couple desired to make it better. Every thing good starts with the Lord Jesus Christ. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17). First, do we have a relationship with Jesus? Sadly, many will count a childhood profession as salvation, but they have never had a real saving relationship with the God of creation. “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity” (Matthew 7:21-23). Do you have the confidence of a real relationship with Jesus?

A human relationship with limited or little communication will suffer, and so will ours with the Lord if we aren’t reading His Word every morning and then communing with Him in prayer. “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:6). We would do better in life to neglect the habit of breakfast than to miss our morning fellowship with the Lord Jesus. He encourages, convicts, and even admonishes us through His Word and prayer, and it is needful to keep our lives on track. Jesus Christ, the Living Bread, is the spiritual nutrition that our hearts need daily. We can’t change a spouse, but there is much that we can do in our lives that will help matters.

Every marriage will suffer when our spirits are not receiving His grace and strength. The Lord has the insight into a marriage of what is needed. Without Him we really don’t even know what to pray for. “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered” (Romans 8:26). There is such power available to us if we will appropriate it.

In addition to developing our relationship with the Lord Jesus to strengthen a marriage, are you spending quality and quantity time with your wife? Time together is critical to the health of the marriage. I would encourage you not to count time in front of the TV or watching a movie as time together. Go for walks early in the morning if you have an older child who could be awake while the others slept. Take your wife out to eat (not a movie), and listen to her. Communicate with each other. Sandwiches at the park or in the car are great if finances prohibit eating at a restaurant, and they don’t cost any more than eating at home.

Years ago when the children were young, I made it a financial and time priority to take Teri on a weekly date. She tells me how important those couple of hours were to her each week when we were able to talk to each other without the interruptions of children. In more recent years, we have been able to walk together early each morning. Not only are we exercising, but we have over an hour of time to communicate. We also attempt to get away briefly once or twice a year. For Mother’s and Father’s Day, we have the tradition of giving a night away together, which we take when we are able to fit it into the schedule. We love our time away, although we have found that our enjoyment of the children is so great, it makes it difficult to be away from them. However, we have found it good for our relationship to have that time for just the two of us, even though it isn’t very long.

An attitude check is great for the marriage. We have a family friend who is such a delight to be around. She is positive and always complimentary. She constantly says nice things when we are with her. She doesn’t flatter, but the things she says come from her heart. She is quite a marvel to us, and I’m sure to many others. It is just nice to be around her. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (Proverbs 25:11).

People enjoy being around someone who is kind and positive, which would include a husband. What is it like for your wife to be around you? Do you praise or criticize her? Do you thank her for the countless ways she blesses you? I am so grateful for Teri’s respect, love, and deep desire to be an encouragement to me. Then there are the “things” she does for me. She takes the initiative for clean clothes showing up in my drawers every week. If you have folded many clothes, you realize how much time that takes. I wonder if men did the laundry, if they wouldn’t just dump them in the drawer without folding them with the justification that they would soon be pulled out and worn. What about making the bed? Timing is such that Teri makes it while I’m busy, and I have never heard her complain. Does your wife make your meals, clean your house, run errands, and raise and homeschool your children? Do you have a grateful heart for your wife, and do your words communicate that to her?

Equally important to what you say to your wife are the edifying thoughts you think about her. It is easy to begin thinking negative or critical thoughts about a wife. Soon you will find, as I have, how those negative thoughts grow and color your interactions. It is far better to focus on your wife’s good qualities and be grateful for them. We all have faults, and if either husband or wife dwells on the other’s negatives, it will poison the marriage. “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mout out of thine eye; and beoThou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:2-5). Think about what your wife does well and what a blessing she is. Hopefully, by God’s grace, she will do the same.

We can’t change a spouse, but we certainly can appropriate God’s grace in changing ourselves. Then as we change, often that will be a stimulus in changing those around us. Marriage can be one of the most wonderful experiences this side of Heaven. We’ve found that a great marriage doesn’t just happen, but it takes desire and effort. Why not be committed to doing everything in your power to make your marriage a testimony to God’s grace? We will continue this discussion next month.

Unwanted Feelings – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month we began a series of articles on how to biblically deal with unwanted feelings.

I used part of an e-mail from a friend to kick off our discussion, so I will share that again.

I woke up hurting and aching about the adoption this morning, and the feeling never left. Seeking HIM and seeking the peace and clarity that only HE can give.

Could you please pray for me to find my comfort in Christ? And to trust HIM. If you have time, could you please send me a Scripture that brings you comfort in times of loss? I will meditate on it. Amy

Amy had just learned that a newborn adoption her family had been pursuing wasn’t going to work out, and she was feeling sad. We will all face emotions that are painful, from grieving to loneliness to anxiety. Amy’s sadness wasn’t wrong; it was a normal emotion that comes when there is a loss. However, what she does with that emotion when it arises will most likely determine whether she becomes consumed by her grief or whether she experiences the comfort that the God of all comfort offers her, allowing her to move healthily through her sadness.

As an example, I have interacted with several moms who have lost loved ones, and when they write to me they have become immobilized by their grief. When we give in to self-pity in our sadness, then we are dealing with unwanted feelings. So often we will discover that our unwanted feelings are rooted in our own selfishness. We don’t get what we want. Things don’t go the way we prefer them to go. The children don’t do what we told them to do. Our husbands aren’t communicating the way we would like them to communicate. The foundation of the unwanted feelings is bound up in selfish thoughts that we might not even recognize or be willing to acknowledge.

In February’s article, we evaluated Amy’s cry for prayer support. We learned that when we make such a cry, we are requesting His strength in our weakness and His grace that is sufficient. As we cry out for His mercy, we are taking our focus off ourselves and putting it onto the One Who cares the most for us. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

We also saw that praying with thanksgiving moves our focus off of our pain and onto our blessings: self-thoughts then migrate to grateful thoughts.

The next step in dealing with negative feelings is to seek the Lord Jesus Christ. That is what Amy said she was doing: seeking Him, His peace, and His clarity. For Amy’s need, He is the God of all comfort. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

One clear way we seek the Lord Jesus is by being in His Word. “And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God” (Luke 4:4). When we are in His Word on a daily basis, He is growing us, teaching us, comforting us, and nurturing us. In many ways, we are like those newborn babies we love so dearly. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). We have to desire the sincere milk of the Word if we want to grow spiritually.

We are prone, though, to make excuses as to why we aren’t in the Word. It usually has to do with being too busy, too tired, or too forgetful. Yet that busyness, tiredness, and forgetfulness make it all the more imperative that we keep our priorities correct and that we receive the daily spiritual milk and bread that we need to be the spiritual women God wants us to be.

As we are in the Word, we receive His comfort in times of grief, we learn how to deal with loneliness, we become more patient, we discover how to love, and so much more. As all of that is developing in us, the negative feelings will control us less and less. It is truly the fruit of the Spirit evidenced in our lives. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Amy was also seeking the Lord by asking for specific Scripture that would meet the need of her grieving heart. As we find those verses, read them, and even memorize them, we have a powerful tool in our hands for attacking negative feelings, whether they are feelings of grief that want to overwhelm or feelings of anger that want to lash out. “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17).

Here are some verses that Amy could read and even memorize. Consider how they would help to bring comfort to her heart.

“Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly.” (Job 1:20-22)

“In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.” (Psalm 94:19)

“This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.” (Psalm 119:50)

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” (2 Corinthians 4:17)

“Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.” (Ephesians 6:16)

When you have those unwanted negative feelings this month, I challenge you to pray and ask the Lord to take those feelings from you. Turn your thoughts to ones of gratitude to the Lord for the blessings He has placed in your life. I also suggest that you determine right now that you are going to be committed to spending time reading your Bible every day so that you are renewing your mind. “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2). Finally memorize some key verses in the areas where you most frequently have negative feelings so that you have your ammunition available with which to attack those feelings.

Join me next month as we continue our consideration of how to deal with unwanted feelings.

Crying Out Loud – Part 2

This was posted on by .

To listen to this Corner as a podcast, please see this link.

Last month we began looking at the topic of children in church as requested in this e-mail.

We have three children and one due in January. Their ages are six, four, and one. We have always thought it was important to have our children in church with us so we have done that from the birth of our first child. Not long ago we joined a church that was as close as we could find to what we wanted. Just recently we were asked to put our one-year-old in the nursery because of the noise and distraction he was causing. Could you refer me to any Dad’s Corners that may address this issue? A questioning dad

If you haven’t read Part One, it would be helpful for you to read it first.

When we left off, I had just finished describing how we taught our children to sit quietly in church. Prior to the child’s accomplishment of that ability, one of us would immediately take him out of church if he made noise. Even after a child had learned to sit quietly, if he were cranky due to teething, for example, then one of us was prepared to take him out of worship or stand in the back with him.

It was our practice when we had young ones to always sit as close to the back of the sanctuary as we could, preferably in the back row. We wanted to be together and not be a distraction to anyone if we needed to take a child out of the service.

There is something a bit amusing about noisy children, though, that we have noticed, and a reader commented on following last month’s Corner. Little children are much smarter than sometimes imagined. They quickly learn that if they make a noise, they are taken out of the service and allowed to get down to play in the cry room or hallway. So instead of taking them out being a deterrent to their noise, it becomes a reward. To prevent the children from training the parent, we would recommend that if you take your child out of the service for being noisy, find a place where you can continue to practice sitting quietly without him disturbing others. Teri often sat outside the service in the back of the entryway holding one of our children who was still learning to sit quietly on her lap. It was a temporary season, and one that was well worth investing the time and inconvenience into knowing that we would soon be able to worship as a family with all of our children beside us. We loved having our children with us during worship. I still remember holding a little one on my lap and cuddling him while we worshipped.

We believe a major reason that parents often fail at teaching their children to sit quietly is that the parent isn’t committed to the goal. For example when taking the child out to the cry room, it is more enjoyable for the parent to fellowship with other adults than to sit quietly, teaching their child to be quiet while listening to the message.

Teaching children to be quiet and have self-control takes commitment, consistency, and effort, but there are a number of benefits that are likely to result. (If you are fine with your children in children’s church or Sunday School, you need not read any further. I’m not seeking to change your mind in this area. I leave that fully between each parent and the Lord. He is the One Who should be directing each of us.) First, when your children are in church with you, you know what they are learning. One dad on staff at a church shared that it was his responsibility to sequentially sit in on Sunday School classes to confirm that the material was being taught correctly. He was always ready to take over a class and begin teaching if necessary, and that did happen on occasion. I appreciated the care this church was taking to teach accurate and appropriate information, but as he acknowledged, there were times he had to step in and take over. He was only one person with several classes to monitor. How much better to have the children with the parents, and then there is no doubt as to what the children are being taught.

The second benefit of children in church with their parents is the avoidance of developing an entertainment-centered appetite for worship. One of the appetites that we can inadvertently give to our children is the appetite of entertainment; this appetite is one of the hardest to break. Once a child has been hooked by it, he will struggle with wanting everything to be fun and exciting. I have heard that many children’s church programs that run concurrent with the preaching service are highly entertaining with the goal of keeping the children’s interest. That may work for awhile, but it teaches the children that church must be wild, humorous, or exciting in order for them to be interested in it. What is reaped from those seeds sown is that when finally exposed to Biblical preaching, it can be seen as boring. “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” (Galatians 6:7).

Another outcome from having your children with you in church will be that your children will learn to reverence God and His Word. The Word of God is so valuable and critical to our lives that our children must learn to respect it by sitting quietly and being attentive. If we honor the Father and His Word, should we not teach our children reverence?

To invest the time to teach children to sit quietly in church means that you don’t have to leave your church just because it isn’t family-integrated as we know some have done. Perhaps others have been disturbed by your children’s noise and will now be happy when they observe them sitting quietly and not being a distraction.

A further benefit of children in church is that they should be challenged and instructed spiritually. Some might question how much young children will understand in an adult service. Have you ever looked at reading primers from the 1800’s? Children were learning material that was shockingly difficult. Much of our education now is “dumbed-down” with the likely result that children of today are not as well-educated when compared to children of a century or two earlier. When given the opportunity, children demonstrate an uncanny ability to learn and understand. There is something incredible about how a child’s spirit can absorb the spiritual truth of the Word. By having our children in church with us we are helping to teach and grow them spiritually.

As we have our children in church with us we can help them learn to respect others, and others will often see that children are a blessing rather than an inconvenience. Part of communicating to a child that it is important to be quiet in church will be discussing the need to respect those around us and not to interfere with their ability to worship by distracting them. Through this our children develop respect for others and instead of them being a curse to worshippers when they are noisy and a distraction in church, they become a testimony of blessing to the Lord. I’ve talked to many families who mention how their children receive compliments for being well-behaved in church.

We can show others that children are a blessing by teaching them to reverence the Lord and respect others while in church by being still and quiet. We have found it such a blessing to worship together as a family which we have done from the time we first realized our children didn’t have to be in the nursery and children’s church. We have been pleased with the positive fruit we have seen in our children’s lives when the Lord told us to take responsibility for discipling our children. I would encourage you to get a word from the Lord and obey. Obedience will always yield glorifying fruit.

I want to encourage you as the dad to take the leadership role in teaching your children to be quiet in church. Set up a plan for this part of their education by practicing during family Bible time. Then you can enjoy the pleasant fruit of having your children worship with you while not disturbing others in church. I think your wife and your children will be blessed by your efforts.

Unwanted Feelings – Part 1

This was posted on by .

Recently I received an e-mail from a very dear friend. This is what she said:

I woke up hurting and aching about the adoption this morning, and the feeling never left. Seeking HIM and seeking the peace and clarity that only HE can give.

Could you please pray for me to find my comfort in Christ? And to trust HIM. If you have time, could you please send me a Scripture that brings you comfort in times of loss? I will meditate on it. Amy

Amy had good reason to wake up feeling sad. Her family had just found out that an adoption they had longed for and prayed for was not going to happen. They were in the midst of grieving the loss of this little one they had hoped would be theirs to raise.

We have all had feelings to deal with that we haven’t wanted to experience. It might be grief like my friend, but it could be depression, loneliness, anxiety, or anger. What we would prefer is to have the peace, joy, contentment, and comfort that comes from Jesus Christ. That sounds a great deal like the fruit of the Spirit to me. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

We want that fruit of the Spirit controlling our feelings, but how does that happen? “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would” (Galatians 5:16-17).

My friend started in the right place in her desire to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lust of the flesh—by praying and asking for prayer support. What biblical basis do we have for this first step? “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). Be careful for nothing means that we aren’t to be anxious, worried, sad, or upset about anything, whether it is an adoption that doesn’t come through, a child who is rebelling, a health obstacle, financial difficulties—the list is endless. Our directive is that we are not to entertain the negative feelings, but rather we are to pray and let God know our requests.

Not only did Amy pray herself, but she asked others to pray for her as well. “Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints” (Ephesians 6:18). We humble ourselves as we admit our weaknesses and ask for prayer. “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble” (James 4:6). We all need more of God’s grace. It is in our weakness that He is shown to be strong.

Paul was often seen in the New Testament asking for prayer. Here is one example: “Brethren, pray for us” (1 Thessalonians 5:25). Of all Christians, Paul’s spiritual maturity would have indicated that he could have gotten along without prayer. Paul knew, though, that his strength was not his own but his Lord’s. He depended on prayer just like we must.

These powerful verses give us another clue as to how His strength is available in our weakness. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

There is another aspect to our praying, and that is to pray with thanksgiving. We enable great power through gratitude. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). It is almost impossible to be sad, angry, depressed, or worried when you are being thankful. We recently hosted a young missionary who had just returned from a two-year mission trip to Ghana. He talked about how the Christians in Ghana thank God for things most American Christians never do—things like the air we breath, the sun shining, or the bed they sleep on. He challenged us to do something he had begun doing if he felt discouraged and that was to thank the Lord for five things he had never before thanked the Lord for.

When the challenge was presented, I thought it would be tough to come up with five things for which I hadn’t already thanked the Lord. The very next day I had the opportunity to try it out. Steve and I were both seeing a chiropractor, and I looked forward to our rides to and from the chiropractor together. On this day, Steve had a dental appointment before the chiropractic appointment so we met at the office and drove home separately. On the way home, I was feeling sorry for myself because I was alone without Steve’s company. So I thought, “Okay, Lord, what are five things I can thank You for that I never thanked You for before? Thank You for this street I am driving on right now. Thank You for those who made the road, and thank You for those who maintain it.” Wow, driving home was developing a thankfulness theme in my mind. “Thank You, Lord, for the engineers who designed this car that I can use to move around. Thank You, Lord, for the speed with which a car allows me to accomplish what I need to do away from home. Thank You, Lord, that we have gasoline to power this car.”

Since we will all experience unwanted, negative feelings controlling our thoughts, attitudes, or actions, as Christian women we look to the Word for direction on how to deal with those kinds of feelings. The starting place is going to be prayer. It is the foundation for the fruit of the Spirit that we desire to have ruling in our lives. Not only will we be crying out to the Lord, but we can also ask others to pray for us. Through prayer our weakness is His strength. As we turn our hearts to being thankful, that gratitude will be the bedrock of the peace the Lord Jesus brings to overcome the bad feelings from which we want to be freed. There is more I would like us to consider in overcoming unwanted feelings, so we will continue the discussion next month. P.S. I would really encourage you to read the book, Sweet Journey. It extensively addresses prayer and gives practical ideas to develop this important area of your walk with the Lord Jesus.

Crying Out Loud – Part 1

This was posted on by .

To listen to this Corner as a podcast, please see this link.

Here is an e-mail I received from a dad:

We have three children and one due in January. Their ages are six, four, and one. We have always thought it was important to have our children in church with us so we have done that from the birth of our first child. Not long ago we joined a church that was as close as we could find to what we wanted. Just recently we were asked to put our one-year-old in the nursery because of the noise and distraction he was causing. Could you refer me to any Dad’s Corners that may address this issue? A questioning dad

I agree with this father that it is a wonderful blessing for the family when they can worship together, including the babies and toddlers. However, we have noticed in raising eight children and also observing other families that children don’t automatically know how to sit still and be quiet at appropriate times such as during a church service. Therefore this family with four young ones can expect quite the challenge when bringing the children into a worship service. It is a reasonable request that a child who is disturbing others in the worship service be taken out, at least to a cry room. What saddens me greatly, though, is when a church bans all children from the worship service. If the children are quiet then they should be able to be with their parents. “But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). The Greek word for suffer is “eao” and means to let be or let alone. Sadly, many try to hinder those who Jesus said we were to, “Let them come.”

In our Maxwell family conferences we have the policy that children are welcome in the sessions. Normally, people are respectful of others and will take a noisy child out to a cry room, or if it is “toddler noise,” they will go stand in the back to avoid being a distraction to those listening to the session. I particularly remember, though, a conference with an extreme disturbance. There was a three-year-old girl angrily screaming while sitting on her daddy’s lap close to the front of the room. She was clearly not happy. The dad was gently trying to “shush” his daughter. His attempts to quiet her didn’t do anything except make her more upset, and so she screamed even louder.

“And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This dad was provoking his child to wrath, and we were all suffering along with her. The father should have taken his daughter out of the session so as not to distract others and care for the needs of his little girl. After she was calm, then he could have brought her back.

The key we found, and that I encouraged the father who wrote me to use, was practicing at home. A parent shouldn’t be surprised if his child throws a fit in church if he never has been taught to sit quietly. It didn’t sound to me as if the dad who wrote the e-mail had a child who was really carrying on but rather just being a bit noisy. Regardless of how much of a distraction a child might be in a worship service, practice is what is needed to correct the problem. No one puts a child on a bicycle for the first time and expects him to ride it without at least training wheels. So how does someone teach his children to sit quietly in church?

Our nightly family Bible time was an excellent practice opportunity for our young children to learn to sit still and pay attention. For Bible time, we included all our children from newborns on up. (I had to consult with Teri on this section because I found my memory of that time was not accurate.) Until the babies were six or seven months old, they were usually not noisy during family Bible time. As they became more mobile and vocal, the practice was needed. Teri worked with the baby while I led Bible time and concentrated on the other children. We found it reasonable and attainable to have a level of success with little ones by the time they were eighteen months old to sit tolerably quiet in church. However, with a child that young, he was not going to be absolutely perfect so we were sensitive to taking a child out of the worship service if he was noisy.

We found that the consistency of practice during family Bible time every night was the key. Before beginning Bible time, Teri would make sure the baby’s diaper was dry. If he started being noisy during Bible time, she would whisper “Shhh. Shhh.” If the noise continued, she would carry the child to his crib where the room lights were on and leave the room, telling him she would be back for him when he was quiet. She would wait a couple of minutes until he was quiet, walk in the room praising him for being quiet, and bring him back to Bible time to start the process over again. Our babies liked to be with the rest of the family and therefore taking them to the crib was a deterrent to their noise-making during Bible time. It just took a consistent consequence, and they began to learn that they needed to sit quietly. It was a gentle and harmless process, and it worked! It is amazing how smart little ones are.

The key is consistency! We must choose to invest the time and energy necessary for success. I have noticed an interesting facet of men. When something is important to them, they will do it. If they don’t do it, it isn’t important to them. What is more important than a family being together around the Word of God? If we believe that, we will be determined to make it work.

Next month we will continue with this important subject of worshipping the Lord together as a family.

From Lazy to Self-Disciplined – Part 6

This was posted on by .

The purpose of this series of articles has been to encourage moms who want to become more self-disciplined in their lives. We began with this e-mail:

I was wondering if you had any advice (or possibly you could address this in a Mom’s Corner) on how someone can improve her work ethic. I am terribly embarrassed to admit this, but I really feel like at times I can be lazy. I know there are things that need to be done, but I just don’t feel like doing them! I realize that this is a sinful attitude, and I want to change. Do other moms struggle with this? Would you have any tips on how I can improve or Bible verses that could encourage me in this area? Self-discipline is a character quality I would very much like to see flourish in my life, and I would like to pass it on to my children!

As we wrap up our series, we are continuing to look at ways other moms move themselves from a lazy lifestyle to the disciplined heart they greatly desire. Amber shares this with us:

I really love your Mom’s Corners. They seem to help me out, and they are food for thought. I wanted to let you know lazy to self-disciplined really hit home to me for it seemed to be something that I struggle with daily.

Second I remind myself that it does not ALL have to be done TODAY! As women, we seem to think of a million things that must be done. However, the reality is just one thing at a time. There are some days where I can only do it five minutes at a time. I have five darling children, the oldest is six and the youngest is a month old. There are days when hubby comes home and asks what I did all day. I tell him two things—I nursed the baby and made dinner with one hand. Sometimes that is all I can do, but as long as I have a relationship with my Heavenly Father and am actively pursuing it, I know He will bless me with the strength and knowledge that I need.

This verse encourages me, If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed (James 1:5-6).” Amber

Amber directs us to the ultimate source of our self-discipline—the Lord Jesus. Making self-discipline a focus by praying and studying the Word, she is allowing the Lord to the transform her life, give her the energy she needs, and help her make choices away from laziness.

When Amber tells her husband all she did was to nurse the baby and make dinner with one hand, we know she did much more than that. She spent time with the Lord in the Word early in the morning, got the children up and dressed, fed them breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, brushed the little ones’ teeth, made beds, picked up toys, directed the children in their play, washed laundry, fed the children lunch, put them down for their naps, homeschooled her five and six-year-old, and who knows what other tasks she accomplished in addition to nursing the baby and making dinner. She just doesn’t feel like she has anything to show for her time, but her investment in her family has been invaluable and most necessary. She has not been lazy but self-disciplined.

The next self-discipline idea gives us a hint at how we can prepare our environment to either help or hinder laziness.

Hi Teri,
Just wanted to say that one way I fight my being lazy is to put on a apron in the morning; it just gives me the feeling that I’m dressed for work and sets me apart as the homemaker, and keeps my skirts from getting too dirty from the daily work of cooking, cleaning, and caring for young children.
Andrea

Not only will putting on an apron give one an attitude that is conducive to working, but also getting dressed in the morning and making the bed upon rising can do the same. An unmade bed and walking through the house in a robe seems to facilitate the lazy choices more than the self-disciplined ones.

Here is a suggestion you might be interested in from Kathy.

Teri,
You asked for tips on being more self-disciplined. One thing I do is to picture a room or piece of furniture as it would look if it were clean. This is motivating to me. When I picture it, I feel so good inside!  Having a taste of that feeling keeps me going to finish cleaning and straightening it. Kathy

This might be something you would want to try. When you feel like you want to avoid doing a task in front of you, picture in your mind what it will be like to have it completed, and then let that motivate you to tackle it.

This is the final suggestion I received to pass on to you.

Teri,
This hits my heart directly. I was not taught to be a hard worker and now having a family of my own, I have to make decisions on whether I will allow my upbringing to destroy my family and my children’s as they grow or if I will work to better it now for the future. I get bogged down and feel overwhelmed, like I’m drowning with all that needs to be done. However, I’ve helped to create that feeling. I find that I’m really good at wasting time self-indulging, rather than working on what needs to get done thus making the tasks harder because the mess grows.

So for me, I’ve had to do much what you do with writing your column. I set a timer to do a task ten minutes (give or take a few) at a time. If the dishes need to be done, that is something I can accomplish in that amount of time and what a rewarding feeling it is. If it’s straightening up the living room, by the time ten minutes go by, I’m amazed with what I got done and how quickly ten minutes passed! Sometimes (and only sometimes since I AM a work in progress) I continue on after the timer goes off.

Reading is one of my favorite pastimes, so periodically if I would really rather read than work, I tell myself I can sit and read for a certain number of minutes IF I switch the laundry, fold and put it away, as a kind of reward. Sometimes I feel like I’m being silly, but not being raised to just do it, it takes these kinds of ‘silly’ rewards.

Thank you for addressing this issue of laziness to self-discipline.
Jacque

As we wrap up our discussion of laziness and self-discipline, I want to direct you to the Word. Remember the Scripture verses we began this series with that showed how the Lord desires us to be self-disciplined.

Cry out to the Lord to help you if this is an area in which you are struggling. Consider the example you will be to your children when you model self-discipline to them. Don’t we want to help them overcome obstacles that they will likely face in their futures?

Being self-disciplined will enable us to be good stewards of the time God has placed into our hands. I encourage you to use a schedule so that you can be productive with your time and manage it well. If you would like some help with a schedule, we would suggest Managers of Their Homes. Here’s what Jamie wrote:

Thank you so much for this book! It has been extremely helpful. Not only do I have three children of my own, but I also watch two children. So I have five children four and under. My oldest has begun kindergarten this year. Using the schedule has made the days run smoothly. Everything is getting done (even the laundry!). I am not a schedule person. But it doesn’t seem like a schedule as much when I am the one planning the day!

As additional motivation, look toward the rewards you and your family will experience when you are accomplishing the tasks that will be part of your self-disciplined choices. January is a time of new beginnings. Will you make the move from lazy to self-disciplined?

Grounded in Christ, Your Children – Part 2

This was posted on by .

To listen to this Corner as a podcast, please see this link.

Last month we were investigating a statement made by the pastor of a church when a family had decided to take their children out of the youth group because of negative influences in their lives from that youth group. The pastor told the parents concerning the rock music being played during the youth group, “If your children are firmly grounded in Christ it will not affect them.” Here is a link to Part 1 of this series.

A youth who is “firmly grounded in Christ” may be aware of things he believes to be wrong at youth group. However, there are also many fun things that will pull his heart to wanting to continue attending. “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof” (Romans 13:14). Those lusts of the flesh may have a stronger pull on his heart than his grounding in Christ. He may also be concerned that if he discusses problems with the youth group with his dad and mom, he might be asked to stop going to the youth group.

While on the subject of the youth group leader there is something very important to consider although not directly related to the e-mail. There is a problem that surfaces when we place our children under someone else’s leadership to spiritually guide them. “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24). Jesus is telling us that authority and leadership needs to be clearly defined. There can be only one leader. Aren’t you glad there is only one pilot on airplanes? The pilot is the one in command, and he is responsible for whatever happens with that aircraft. This is similar to Dad being responsible to the Lord for his decisions.

Just imagine for a moment that the cabin crew is being given conflicting directions by the pilot and copilot. The crew would become resentful and possibly even have feelings against one of the two giving orders. Jesus is saying that if our children are being given different direction by their dad versus a youth group leader, they will hate the one and love the other. In fact, considering that youth groups are often fun and games, and Dad may at times be exhorting or even rebuking the child, it should not be too difficult to tell who the child will give their heart to.

I find that most parents are highly sensitive to peer pressure themselves. Why would they expect their children to stay strong and not be influenced by the youth with whom they are associating? I remember a conversation with one dad where we were discussing the merits of ditching the “beast” (TV). He was in full agreement with the negatives of the “beast” when all of a sudden it was as if a red light came on in his mind, and he exclaimed, “But what will others think of us if we don’t have a TV?” Here was an example of a group of people with whom this man associated whose influence was so strong in his life that he was mentally passing a decision by them and realizing that they would not approve of it. Even though it was just going on in his mind, it was causing him second thoughts about doing something that he had acknowledged would be good for his family. If parents can’t resist peer pressure, why do we think our children will be stronger than we are? “Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men” (Acts 5:29).

I’m convinced that most parents forget the pressure and temptations they experienced during their teen and young adult years. The power of the flesh is so strong! Crimes have been committed and countless marriages destroyed because men and women couldn’t contain themselves. Adults are supposed to be mature and have self-control over the desires of the flesh, yet one doesn’t need to go far for examples of failure. I’m thinking of a very godly pastor who was loved and respected by those who knew him. His church was devastated and friends greatly saddened by news of his moral failure. Here was a mature man who understood Scripture and preached against sin, yet he had embraced sin for a season. With so many examples similar to this, why is it that parents don’t understand the incredible temptations their children will encounter in youth groups? Why would we think our children will be strong enough to resist?

I also wonder if parents living within the bonds of marriage forget what it is like to live apart. They forget what it is like to be a youth entering puberty with hormones raging and the resulting temptations and desires. Solomon knew the power of attraction and love and warned about stirring it up too early. “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please” (Song of Solomon 3:5). Putting youth in youth groups or sitting them in front of the TV is going to stir “love.” Wise parents will encourage their children to avoid relationships until they are emotionally, spiritually, and financially ready for marriage. Then, they look to God to show who He has to be their spouse. Why would we think our children will be strong?

I believe one dad’s recent comments sums up the needed commitment for each of us. “I have served five combat tours to Iraq. I was ready to die for my country, but I will give my life to get my children’s hearts back. Jesus already owns my soul.” When I read the passion in that dad’s statements, it was like driving a hot poker through my heart. Amen and amen. This man lost his children’s hearts while away serving our country, but he was determined to get them back. Most dads are home every night. What excuse will God accept for not having our children’s hearts and raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?