Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

Summer Schedules

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Summer is almost upon us! For many homeschoolers this means a change of pace. Some will take a total break from schoolwork, while others will have a modified school schedule. There are also those who school full time, all year long, with breaks spaced throughout the year. May I encourage you to begin to pray and plan now for those summer hours so that you can maximize them.

I love to use this month of May to occasionally close my eyes for a few moments and ask the Lord what He desires for our summer. I will make lists of things I would like to accomplish, what I could do special with the children, areas of character growth I want extra teaching time in, and new tasks that I will train the children toward. If the Lord gives me a vision and goals for our summer, how will they be managed? I find that developing a summer schedule helps me to make the most of these precious summer days, without letting them slip by.

I like to schedule one hour per summer weekday for cleaning and organizing tasks that are too large to tackle during the school year. I keep a running list of these jobs as I come across them, usually when they have bothered me in some way. During May, I will also add to this list tasks I know I do during the summer. Here are a few of mine: organize and sort school work and school boxes, organize and mount photos in albums, clean all the closets and kitchen cupboards, organize book shelves in the basement, wash walls that really need it, and plan for the next school year!

This cleaning and organizing time ends after an hour whether I feel like I want to stop or not. It is amazing how much can be completed in just one hour! Often jobs are less daunting when we know they will only last for that one hour. This helps us be willing to jump in to tackle them.

In our home, we have older children play with the younger ones during cleaning time. With only little ones, it is more difficult to make this time productive, but it can still be done. Using an evening when Dad is around to watch the children is a possibility. If not that, then try working in an area where you can directly supervise the children.

It is also a good idea to assign the children their own age-appropriate cleaning and organizing chores for summertime. I would rather have their work scheduled for a different time than mine. This way I don’t have interruptions from them asking how to do the job or whether it passes inspection.

Often during the school year, I won’t have time to teach a child new chores. However, scheduling a half hour a day for this through the summer months is very practical. You could rotate children through this time, as most jobs won’t take more than five or ten minutes a day to learn. Usually a child is ready for new cleaning skills after a year of practicing the ones they learned the previous summer. When this is in our schedule, we are assured that the summer doesn’t pass by and all of a sudden we realize there have been no new practical skills learned.

Summer also lends itself to extra playtime and one-on-one time with my children. But do you know what happens if I don’t plan this into a written schedule? I will end up doing one of two things. I either keep busy with my own personal projects, or I sit and do nothing at all. This time with the children is very important to me, and when I put it into my schedule, I have the accountability of the children’s enjoyment of the time to hold me to it.

For our family, summer allows us to get a jump-start on our school year. We will continue with our reading and math so that we can take those subjects off on Fridays throughout the year. This helps give the children another constructive activity for their extra time, and it keeps their reading and math skills at peak performance. Fridays are looked forward to, almost as a weekly vacation day, because of the lighter school schedule.

Another high priority for summer hours in the Maxwell home is character and habit training. Here again, if the time isn’t set aside in our schedule, we will take the path of least resistance, and character won’t be a focus of our summer. The month of May is when I begin seeking the Lord for the areas in which we have the greatest need, and how we could spend a half hour a day tackling them. It usually isn’t difficult to come up with a character and habit training list with just a short amount of prayer. Once the list is generated, it is exciting to continue to pray about which Scripture, songs, stories, practice sessions, discipline, and reward system will best help us toward our goals.

Making a summer schedule will assure you that your summer days are maximized and that the hours are going toward the goals the Lord has called you to for this particular summer. I think you will discover your children have a more peaceful, productive summer with a schedule too. So often moms are ready for school to start again in the fall because of the chaos that results from the lack of structure without the school routine. Compensate for not having the school schedule by making and implementing a summer schedule. I think you will find it most worthwhile!

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Grace in the Time of Sorrow

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In March, we shared with you our joy over another pregnancy and baby that was due early in November. Now we share with you our sorrow over the miscarriage we experienced this week. We have not had a miscarriage before, and each of us has had to turn to the Lord during this time of sorrow and grief. The first night we had signs of the baby’s loss Steve said, “It is pretty hard to put three little boys to bed who are all crying.” As these issues of life and death affect our family, I would like to share some thoughts that I see relate to our homeschooling.

First, the Lord has abundantly poured out His grace in my life. I think that some of my close friends have grieved our loss as much as, or more than, I have. Not that my heart hasn’t felt sorrow upon sorrow, but the Lord is comforting me through it. This reminds me that 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “. . . My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. . . .”

I imagine you have heard, or maybe even said yourself, “I could never homeschool. I am just not cut out for it!” I have had similar thoughts about a miscarriage, “I could never handle the grief of losing a baby.” When I was not facing a miscarriage myself, the Lord’s grace was not there for me. I did not need it. However, in my time of need, God’s grace was there, and it was sufficient. In the same way, when He calls us to homeschool, He is giving us the grace to do what He has called us to do, even in our weakness.

That first night when we were aware of the miscarriage beginning, it was very difficult to go to bed. I felt like I would cry all night long. As I settled down, though, my mind began to praise the Lord, just focusing on Him. In addition, I remembered another friend who had recently miscarried and was pregnant again, due soon after I would have been. I prayed for that other little baby in his mother’s womb. With my thoughts off my own sorrow, I actually fell asleep.

How like our daily homeschooling problems this should be. But is it? What is your reaction to an attitude difficulty with a child that is ongoing, or an educational hurdle that doesn’t appear to be surmountable? My reaction is often to murmur about it, to seek for an immediate solution, and to feel discouraged by it. I would be so much better off to take it to my Lord, leave it with Him, praise Him for Who He is, and focus my prayer on the need or another need altogether. My worry and my discouragement do nothing to change a situation. However, Jesus Christ can and will work on it. I wonder how often I am hindering Him by my own solutions or my anxiety over it.

Lastly, this time of grief has brought to remembrance again of the preciousness and value of each child the Lord has already given us. We watched Tim’s family walk through the final months of his battle with brain cancer. We saw Larry and Wendy love Tim through those difficult last weeks with a patience and gentleness that touched all of our hearts. They allowed us to love Tim, too, during those days. Wendy shared how special that year of homeschooling had been because of the extra time it had given her with Tim.

After a loss, it is too late to express all we would like to express to that loved one. I am grateful that I had prayed for this baby’s safety, that I had thanked and praised the Lord for giving him to us, and that I had prayed for each stage of his few weeks of development. In the same way, as we homeschool, we have the opportunity minute by minute and day by day to love, encourage, and praise our children. This is one of the greatest benefits of having them home with us all day. However, all too easily, we become caught up in, and focused on, the negatives of our children’s behavior. Sometimes we even have trouble finding anything to praise and encourage a child about. May this never be! May our heartfelt drive be as intense to thank, praise, reward, and encourage as it is to teach, instruct, train, discipline, and correct. May we make sure that when we do teach and correct, our attitudes are sweet and pleasant. We want to truly seek our child’s good, and not our own convenience!

I challenge each of us to keep our focus on our Lord and on what He has called us to do. Let’s not become so wrapped up in the educational pursuits of our homes that we forget the ministry the Lord has given each of us of loving and cherishing our family members. May we delight in the grace the Lord gives us for each mountain and valley He walks us through!

Sheltering Our Children

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The past two months’ Mom’s Corners have made me wonder if some of you may be thinking, “This sounds like too much sheltering to me. Shouldn’t we teach our children right from wrong as they grow up, and then let them sink or swim in the real world?” With two of our children already adults (22 and 19), we have had some first-hand experience with this concept of building a strong relationship with Jesus in our children and an ability to stand alone against what they will face in the world.

Our role as parents has moved into one of counsel for our adult children, rather than directives we would give to younger children. This role is a sweet one, and we have delighted in it. This might not be the case if we had lost the hearts of our children through their teen years, which is what I addressed in those last two Mom’s Corners.

How many of you have known a godly man who has fallen into immorality of some kind, perhaps adultery? It happens to pastors, deacons, elders, Sunday School teachers, even homeschooling dads. Do you think these men purposed to be unfaithful to their wives? I seriously doubt it! However, they did not heed the warning that Scripture gives us about our human, sinful condition and the need to put safeguards around ourselves. 2 Timothy 2:22 says, “Flee also youthful lusts. . .,” and 1 Thessalonians 5:22, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” If adults are susceptible to falling into immorality, aren’t our young people even more at risk with their immaturity and innocence? Even Solomon, the wisest man in the world, succumbed to the lust of the flesh. David, the man after God’s own heart, fell into the sin of adultery.

Shouldn’t we offer our teens safeguards to help them walk the righteous path they desire? We feel the need to give boundaries that would protect them as much as possible. Not only do we want our children to be salt and light in the world, but we also want them to be holy and pure–in the world, but not of the world. While our sons are strong in their Christian faith, they are still subject to their sin nature, as are we. Therefore, we counsel our sons not to seek employment where they would be in constant, daily contact with things such as worldly music or worldly young people.

Unfortunately, the girls today are very aggressive, and while we discuss with our sons the need to guard themselves, we would not want them placed daily in the path of temptation. We do not see this as causing them to be dependent upon us. They are definitely not. We do see it as teaching them how to make wise decisions.

One of our sons has been working for large corporations in their computer service departments since he was eighteen. Here, he is in an environment where he can share his testimony when it is appropriate. However, the age group he works with is varied, not predominantly young people. Our other son is working with his dad in our business. He is often out in the world going into businesses to give computer software tutoring. He has regular contacts in the world, but they are on a professional level. As these continue, he, too, has opportunity to share his testimony.

Despite the better working environment of the corporate world, my husband has been happy to leave it, with its immodesty of dress, aggressiveness in women, and the propensity toward doing whatever is deemed necessary to get ahead. Here again, we have warned our sons of the dangers they are facing and strongly encouraged them to put “hedges of protection” around themselves.

Our twenty-two-year-old son volunteers one night a week at the City Union Mission in downtown Kansas City. In addition to being exposed to secular thinking in his work place, he is exposed to the real world at the mission. He is ready for this challenge. He has a one-on-one Bible study with one of the residents. We have encouraged him in this ministry, but have cautioned against such things as listening to details of immoral, or evil, practices.

Another example of our philosophy of “protectionism” involves not only our older children but also Steve. Steve chooses to not have lunch alone with another woman, or ride alone in a car with one, even when business related. One might ask if this means he is not strong in his faith or not independent. Of course not! It does mean that he is being wise in protecting himself from situations that have led other Christian men down a path that ends in sin, and sometimes loss of their family. My husband’s standard in this area has caused inconvenience to our family at times, and has certainly given him opportunities to share, but I am pleased to have a husband who will make such choices for his family.

As far as our daughters go, I wonder how many of us developed independent spirits during our college or working days. Has this made it more difficult for us to submit to our husbands in the meek and quiet way we would like? A family shared with us their concerns for their daughter after she began working. They said, “One of our goals for our daughter is for her to have a submissive spirit to a future husband, if she marries, but we are also training her towards an independent spirit.” They did ask her to stop working, sharing their heart’s concerns, and she was willing.

Does this mean we keep our daughters in our house and never let them out? No, but it does mean we determine the learning, working, and ministry opportunities that will best help them toward their goals. One of our goals for all of our daughters is that they would remain holy and pure. When I hear worldly teens, and even some Christian teens, talk these days, I am very saddened by the crudeness and impurity of their conversation. I would hate to have my daughter in an environment where she was constantly exposed to that.

This may not be the way you decide to direct your teen or adult children, but it will certainly give you and your husband a great discussion topic! We do not teach our children God’s Word, and then put them in the world to sink or swim. We protect them through their teen years of great vulnerability, not wanting to put them to a “test” they might easily fail and regret the rest of their lives. We counsel them as adults to be “wise as serpents,” setting safeguards around themselves, as much as possible, to keep them from temptations that could result in moral failure.

We do not believe what we are doing with our children constitutes isolationism or creates dependence on us, but rather encourages them to exercise caution in the environment they place themselves in on a daily basis. I am happy when my husband makes these same choices for himself, or for me, as well as when my children do.

Can Teen Rebellion Be Avoided? – Part 2

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Television was removed from our home over ten years ago. Psalms 101:3, “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes. . . .” At that time the influences even “okay” shows brought into our home were often negative. Did the children treat their parents with respect? How did they interact with their siblings? What activities were they involved with? Those questions don’t even take into consideration what children see on commercials or other programs that are not “okay.”

Steve has been willing, as a dad, to invest time in his children’s lives. He has given up the recreation he would pursue during his free time in order to be with his children. About eight years ago, when Nathan was fourteen and Christopher was twelve, Steve and the boys began to finish our basement. Could Steve have done the job faster by himself? Perhaps at first, but with a few months of teaching and training, the boys had learned many skills to make their help valuable. Not only did they learn much about construction in the process, but they also experienced wonderful, manly fellowship during those hours of working together. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up . . . and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Steve has carried this policy on into car work and almost any other project or errand he does. He includes even the younger children in these activities. It would be much quicker to work alone, but he is doing more than a task. He is investing in the hearts and lives of his children. Turning the hearts of the children to their fathers and the hearts of the fathers to the children has continued to be one of our main goals in parenting children (Malachi 4:6). Proverbs 4:1-5, “Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. For I give you good doctrine, forsake ye not my law. For I was my father’s son, tender and only beloved in the sight of my mother. He taught me also, and said unto me, Let thine heart retain my words: keep my commandments, and live. Get wisdom, get understanding: forget it not; neither decline from the words of my mouth.”

Steve also will take a child with him almost any time there is a meeting or activity to attend. When he had a breakfast with our state representative, Nathan went along as a teen. Steve has made our children a part of his life. Proverbs 5:1-2, “My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding: That thou mayest regard discretion, and that thy lips may keep knowledge.” In addition to the fellowship that the children have experienced, they have been exposed to Steve’s insight and teaching on many spiritual subjects in a setting much more public than our home.

We have encouraged our children to be busy with work and ministry rather than entertainment. “It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth” (Lamentations 3:27). Nathan and Christopher started a lawn mowing business when they were ages ten and twelve. They worked that business together until Nathan graduated from high school, whereupon Christopher continued it on his own for two more years. This work kept them profitably occupied. They worked hard in hot, uncomfortable circumstances. They learned to serve customers, to maintain their equipment, to cooperate with each other, and to manage a business.

To facilitate an appetite toward serving others, we include our children in ministry the Lord has given us. Steve and the six oldest children have ministered at the local county nursing home for seven years. Psalms 41:1 has been their ministry verse, “Blessed is he that considereth the poor: the LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.” Also, James 1:27, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” They have a “church service” every other Saturday afternoon, collecting up the residents who are interested in attending, wheeling them into the day room, and ministering to them.

Our children have helped with the homeschool group from the very beginning. One of them has always had the responsibility for the newsletter. They spend many hours preparing for the children’s programs that go along with the couples’ meetings. They also put on the spelling bee each year. Their hearts are being fed on the joy Jesus gives in serving Him and others, rather than self.

Nathan and Christopher each decided not to obtain a driver’s license until there was a need for them to be driving. For them, this occurred around age eighteen when their work required them to have transportation. Not only did they save a considerable amount of money by not having to pay car insurance from the time they were sixteen, but also the lack of transportation may have kept them from opportunities of immorality that could have resulted in failure.

We also suggested the boys wait until the need presented itself before purchasing a car. This happened around the age of nineteen for them. Here again, they saved money by waiting and kept their focus on preparation for the future, rather than self-entertainment that can easily lead to a rebellious heart and attitude.

Steve and I encouraged our children to consider courtship rather than dating. They decided this was a biblical way and have chosen not to date. Because of this, they have been spared from situations that can lead to rebellion and immorality. Their time, money, and hearts have gone to useful occupations such as work, ministry, and family activities rather than being drained by dating.

Before our children reached their teenage years, Steve and I decided it would be good to institute a “dress policy” for how the children were to dress whenever they were in public. We shared with them that, although God judges the heart, man looks on the outward appearance. While it may be true that we don’t have rebellious hearts, if the way we dress is worldly, or faddish, it can appear to others that we are. 2 Corinthians 5:20, “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us. . . .” We wanted them to see themselves as ambassadors for Christ and suggested they choose a “classic style” of dress that would not cause others to assume they were rebellious when they were not.

Prayer has been a key factor in our children’s lives for avoiding rebellion. Steve and I could always have been more consistent and diligent in our prayer time for our children, but all through their lives we have called out to the Lord. We are asking for wisdom in raising them, for guidance in decisions we must make, for strength to stand by those decisions, and for Jesus to work in the lives of our children, molding and shaping their hearts for Him.

As we think and evaluate each of these areas that I have briefly discussed, there is so much more that could be said about them, but this is an overview. Some of these may not even seem to have anything to do with rebellion versus lack of rebellion. In the ones that are less obvious, we think the children have been protected from influences and temptations that could have caused their hearts to be turned toward rebellion rather than kept with their Lord and their family.

We believe our older children have been open to these choices because the Lord has enabled us to keep their hearts. Their focus has been on the Lord, work, ministry, preparation for their futures, and family, rather than peers and fun. Therefore, they are willing to listen to our counsel and look to Scripture for their guide.

We are not saying these children are perfect, anymore than Steve and I are perfect. We have discussions where we are on different sides of the fence. There are areas of need we see in their lives where we pray for the Lord to work. However, our relationship is sweet; we delight in our adult children, seeing them as blessings and friends. We have prayed for them, protected them, taught them, and counseled them. We now enjoy watching them as they learn to seek after the Lord with all their hearts.

We give all the credit to the Lord for the work He has done in these children’s lives, for the decisions He has led our family to make, and for His faithfulness to us in spite of our failures. We want to encourage other families who may struggle with some of these choices, who may feel they are too difficult and who may wonder if their children will suffer if they make them, that it is worth the sacrifices. What the world offers our young people is empty and vain, but what the Lord offers is full of riches.

As we make some of these decisions or changes, it is imperative that our hearts as parents are soft and open toward our children. We must approach the change with the right attitude. We should offer our time and ourselves to our children in return for anything we are taking from them. Our children learn from us, even what we are not aware they are learning. If our focus is on ourselves, doing what we love and serving our interests, then they learn that too. If we want to direct their hearts toward the Lord, then it must be obvious by not only our words, but also our actions, that our hearts are toward the Lord.

May we, as parents, evaluate each area that comes up with our teens and be willing to seek the Lord on it. May we make the choices the Lord directs us in even though they may be unpopular or difficult. May we continually call out to the Lord in prayer for His grace, wisdom, and strength in raising up children, who are mighty in spirit, to serve Him.

Can Teen Rebellion Be Avoided? – Part 1

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Do you ever wonder what your choice to homeschool will do to your children when they are teens? Have you prayed asking the Lord to keep them from becoming rebellious teenagers? Have others told you that if you protect your children from outside influences they will rebel against your authority when they become teens?

As the parents of children ages 22, 19, and almost 17 (in addition to our five younger ones), we are asked what we have done in raising our children so that they have not rebelled as teens. Our two oldest, both adults, still choose to live at home, minister with our family, and prepare themselves for a possible future as husbands, fathers, and spiritual heads of their homes, if God so directs. This question concerning our children not rebelling has caused me to do some thinking. A simple answer has not popped into my mind, and a Mom’s Corner seems like a good opportunity to reflect on this subject.

Usually I write Mom’s Corners about my failures and what God has taught me through them. This Mom’s Corner is along a different line. Therefore, I hesitate to share these thoughts for fear it could come across as sounding prideful, and that is not my intention. My purpose is to encourage other moms’ hearts, from one who has already walked the path and discovered that teens do not have to be rebellious. I would like to relate that path the Lord has led us along, perhaps giving you some new ideas and food for thought.

The results seen in our children’s lives are not because of Steve and me. We are very human, not close to perfect parents, failing in various ways, day after day. It is only the Lord’s grace in our lives, and the lives of our children, that has made a difference. He is the One doing the work, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). I write of these things because we are questioned on them. I see the fruit God gives of walking according to His Word, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105). I want to counsel each of you to constantly seek the Lord as you are parenting teens or preparing to parent them.

Before reaching our children’s teen years, Steve and I did not have a “seven-step, fool-proof” biblical plan to raise godly children, nor even any plan at all; we still don’t! I can remember we discussed that we did not believe children had to go through a rebellious stage as teenagers. We were open to making decisions, even very difficult, unpopular decisions, for our family as the Lord led us. But that was the extent of our plan. Let me share with you, in retrospect, what I believe may have been used by the Lord to make the difference in our children’s lives. We don’t know for sure what the Lord Jesus has used, we can only look at where He has taken us and consider the possibilities.

Homeschooling became our choice when our oldest children were entering first and third grades. “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7). We had the opportunity to present Christ to our children all day long.

Fourteen years later, we continue on that path. Our children have been spared from many negative influences by being at home for school! “And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people” (2 Corinthians 6:16). Simply not being around other teens who have become rebellious has certainly spared our children from watching and observing, in their own friends, such choices.

The year after we started homeschooling, Steve began getting the children up early in the morning to have a family time reading the Bible and praying before he went to work. Reading Scripture through the years helped our children see the choices set before them of God’s way versus foolishness and rebellion.

“The proverbs of Solomon the son of David, king of Israel: To know wisdom and instruction; to perceive the words of understanding; To receive the instruction of wisdom, justice, and judgment, and equity; To give subtilty to the simple, to the young man knowledge and discretion. A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels: To understand a proverb, and the interpretation; the words of the wise, and their dark sayings. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge: but fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Proverbs 1:1-7). I know Steve’s spiritual leadership in our home, the importance he placed on his own personal time in the Word, and our family time in the Word has had a profound influence on our children.

When our boys were in their late elementary years, we made the decision to take them out of team sports. As we observed team sports and our sons’ interactions there, we became concerned that there was more negative growing from this than positive. We saw hearts drawn to peer influences, entertainment, competition, and pride. Any one of these could lead a child toward the road of rebellion since they are at odds with God’s will and parents’ desires. Surely, with all of them, we placed our boys at great risk if we allowed them to continue in team sports. Matthew 6:24, “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. . . .”

Steve prayed, sought the Lord, and knew the time had come to remove them from sports. He took each of the boys out for a soda, individually, to explain his heart in this situation. It was very difficult for us, because we all had pride and excitement in our hearts since these sons were excelling in their sport. James 4:6, “. . . God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” However, the boys could see their Daddy’s desire was for their good, and they were willing to trust his leadership, submitting to his decision.

We have felt that if we kept our children from peer influences by homeschooling them, we would undermine this if we placed them in church youth groups (or team sports) where many of these same influences would be felt. Proverbs 10:17, “. . . but he that refuseth reproof erreth.” Therefore, we have purposely looked for and chosen churches that did not have a youth group. We knew it would be hard for our teens to hear about youth activities and watch youth involved in them but be kept on the outside.

We have been so blessed these past several years to be in a church with no youth group by the church’s decision. The teens are growing in wisdom and stature under their own fathers’ authority, teaching, and direction. Proverbs 1:8-9, “My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: For they shall be an ornament of grace unto thy head, and chains about thy neck.” Several families have shared how they have been drawn to this church by observing the young people and their ministries. They know in their hearts that this is the pattern they desire for their own children.

Not wanting to leave a void in the children’s lives when activities were removed or prevented, we chose to replace them with our time and activities, if possible. One way this was accomplished was in Steve instituting a weekly meeting with each of the three older children. This was done on Sunday before or after church with just Steve and one child at a time. They would discuss anything on either of their hearts. These meetings still continue; they are a private matter, with me seldom knowing what was talked about during this time. Often when issues come up during the week, Steve will say, “That would be a good topic for our meeting.” With a special time set aside each week to share hearts, the children have been able to approach their father with their concerns and vice versa–a certain opportunity for keeping the hearts of our children.

Offensive Child Training

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Do you ever feel like you are always on the defensive in raising your children? Does it seem like you are forever “putting out fires,” being a “referee,” acting as “judge and jury,” or disciplining? It can appear that way in our home, and I find it becomes very wearisome for me when this is the case. I would rather be on the offensive with my children, but how is this accomplished?

First and foremost is the area of prayer. Prayer is the arena where we truly let go of raising our children in our own strength and rely on the Lord. We will obviously be bringing our children’s needs to the Lord by defensive praying, but we can also be praying positively for our children through offensive praying.

Praying Scripture is a great way to be on the offensive with our children. We can pray some of Paul’s prayers, “Lord, fill Nathan with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That Nathan might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness; Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made Nathan to be a partaker of the inheritance of the saints in light” (paraphrased from Colossians 1:9-12).

There is another way to be on the offensive concerning child training and that is through what I will call character-teaching sessions. What would happen if you set aside fifteen minutes each day to “work” on character needs? I think this small amount of time would go a long way in helping to prevent daily problems with the children.

For example, this summer we were teaching our younger children to answer with, “Yes, Ma’am. No, Ma’am. Yes, Sir. No, Sir.” This was being accomplished by dropping one M&M into a mug with their name on it each time they respond in the desired fashion. At an approved time, the children would be allowed to eat their earned M&Ms. We also made this into a game for character-teaching time.

“Jesse,”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Please pick up the Legos.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” I popped two M&Ms into his mouth and another one when he returned after finishing his pick up.

“Anna,”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Mommy wants you to take these socks and put them in the dirty clothes hamper.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” Again, two M&Ms were immediately given and a third one offered when she returned. We continued until all the little tasks were completed, and would you believe they didn’t want to stop even when I couldn’t find anything else to do?

This training was so successful that the children were saying “Yes, Sir” to Nathan, our twenty-one-year-old son. Nathan was pleased enough with this show of respect from his younger brothers and sisters that he purchased a three-pound bag of M&Ms, and another one of Skittles, to continue the character-teaching rewards.

Let me share another example that was recently sent to me by a mom who has begun setting aside a character-teaching time for her children each day. This mom says,

“I also have a half-hour block at 8:00 a.m. called ‘Training Time’ and so far I have taught the 4 older children (ages 7 and younger): how to wash their hands with soap in the bathroom without making a mess or pumping out half the bottle of soap; how to quickly get down from the table, put their dishes on the counter, wash their hands and face, and go into the toy room; and how to do the morning routine properly (get up, dressed, make bed, tidy room, look at a book on their bed). They actually enjoy the practice time since I am calm and not stressed, and it’s fun to have everyone else watching them as they do a task right. I have seen how just this little bit of practice has gone a long way! I think I will keep a list of things I want to teach them (like where to stand when someone rings the doorbell, how to quickly get their seatbelts on, answering the phone correctly, etc.) posted on my fridge, like you suggested a while back.” Tracy

I feel so much better when I am doing something constructive to help my children with their behavior. We can make it into an enjoyable time, so that they hardly even realize they are learning a beneficial character trait. The time may be devoted to issues that have to do with manners and routines. This is important when we consider how much of our nagging and reminders go toward things like, “Did you brush your teeth? Don’t forget to hang up your clothes! Where do boots go when we take them off? Please wait patiently for your turn in the bathroom.”

We can also use this time to discuss situations that might occur between the children and how they could deal with them in a manner that would be pleasing to the Lord. We could even play-act some typical scenarios that occur regularly and practice the right responses in them.

So, what about your home? Are you always on the defensive? Do you think it would be worth investing time in prayer and teaching to be on the offensive? May I encourage you to consider this a wise use of your time.

Keys to Disciplining Children

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It was the last day of school. Sarah had planned a highly anticipated party for Joseph, John, Anna, Jesse, and Mary. There were water balloons, a toss game, races, soda, cookies, and chips to be enjoyed. However, before the games could begin, the bickering had started. Children were being sent away from the party for unkind behavior. When they were allowed to return, there would soon be another incident. A fun-filled morning was beginning to feel like a disaster. Determined to not let these difficulties destroy the festive mood of our day, we continued happily through the party, dealing with discipline issues as they arose.

Discussing the troubled last day of school with Steve on our next date, I said I was not sure I really wanted to take the two weeks of school vacation we had planned, if they were going to be like the last day of school had been.

I began praying and asking the Lord how I should handle the upcoming vacation days. I quickly realized that I was disappointed with the children’s behavior because I saw it was going to have an impact on MY vacation. I had wanted to have two weeks off. I wanted them to be perfect children so I could take a break. The Lord reminded me that my expectations needed to be straightened. I had to let go of what I thought I had to have to enjoy the vacation days. The Lord’s calling on my life to bring up my children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) did not end when vacation started! As a matter of fact, this was the perfect time to really focus on some of their weak areas, since there were not the normal schooling demands on our time.

With changed expectations, we entered our vacation, and the children lived up to those new expectations. There were numerous situations calling for discipline each day. As I was working diligently at being consistent with the children’s discipline, I was quickly becoming “weary in well doing,” wanting to “reap” right away (Galatians 6:9).

Again, I sought the Lord for help. He brought this question to my mind. If I truly believed, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13), what did that mean about any discipline the children might need? I realized I was relying on my parenting, my discipline, and my consistency, but not the Lord because I was not praying with the children when they were in need of discipline. It seemed the way to rely on the Lord for this teaching time in the children’s day was to spend a portion of that time in prayer.

It may be that some of you are already doing this, but I certainly was not. It took too long. I was prone to lecturing the children instead of spending that time praying with them. This prayer time became very fruitful. I was alone with one child. I would pray first. Sometimes I would need to start by asking the Lord’s forgiveness for feeling frustrated or discouraged, or maybe for having an impatient or resigned spirit toward the situation. This has become a sweet time for me as it gets my focus off the problem and onto the One Who can work it out.

The next thing I would pray has proved to be much more powerful than a lecture. “Lord, this child wants to be a wise child. He could have chosen to be kind and waited for the toy rather than trying to grab it away. Lord, You want us to learn to have a servant’s heart. You want us to love each other and to be patient. Please forgive this child for his unkindness. Help him to see his need to cry out to You when he is tempted to be unkind. Please give him strength to not do this again. Thank You Lord, for this opportunity to learn and to grow in You.” This prayer says all I would say in a lecture, but it is strong where my lectures are weak. I am calling out to the One Who has told me, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

Then my child is given the opportunity to pray out loud with me. This child needs the peace of God to guard his heart, and I need it to guard my heart. Both of us could become discouraged if we feel we are trying to overcome these problems on our own, in our strength. If we focus on the problem, then we feel failure. If we focus on the fact “that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28), then our hearts are right.

I can’t tell you that in those two weeks my children became perfect. I still have to battle discouragement over their behavior and my expectations that they will not need any correction. However, I know we are doing what the Lord would have us to do when we pray as we face these teaching opportunities. “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5).

What about you? Do you take the time to pray with your children when they need correction? Are you relying on your strength as a parent to change the behavior of your children? Are you calling out to the Lord, setting the example for your children, and showing them how to rely on the One Who has numbered the hairs on their head?

Evaluating Your School Year

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As this school year draws to a close, do you begin to think about what your children have accomplished over the past months? Does your mind fill with thoughts about what to use for school next year?

You may be excited about the academic and character growth of your children through the past nine months. Praise the Lord! This is exactly what God would have us thinking about our year. He would have us look for the growth, benefits, blessings, and anything positive that we can focus our thoughts on. He wants us to be grateful for what He has done in and through our homeschooling. Will we delight in it?

Perhaps these thoughts are far from you. You may even be thinking, as I have from time to time, that school would be a better place for your children. May I encourage you that this is not true. Sending your child out to a school will not ease whatever difficulties you are experiencing with him at home. God has placed both of you in an environment where, day in and day out, you are faced with problems and forced to work on them.

Let me share an analogy concerning character deficits that we may see in our children. I will use a specific one, but this could apply to any of them. Children do not learn their multiplication tables by reciting them one time. They learn them by repeating them over and over, day after day. In a similar way, a child who lacks self-discipline in applying himself to his schoolwork will not, with one correction or encouragement, become a diligent child. He may not become diligent even with a year, or two, or three. However, perhaps with ten, or twelve, he will.

Are we, as mothers, willing to pay the price? Will we choose not to grow weary in training up our children so that when they are old they will not depart? It is a sacrifice on our part. It takes great reliance on the Lord and the setting aside of our desires to see quick results. Be encouraged! The battle is not ours, but the Lord’s!

What about next year? How would the Lord have us approach our plans? I think He would have us commit those thoughts and plans to Him in prayer. It will be of greater benefit to us, and our families, if we will keep our thinking regarding our next year’s school focused on the Lord rather than on any “comparison” thinking regarding other homeschoolers. It is an easy trap to begin feeling like everyone else is doing more with their school, having better results, or using a curriculum that is more effective. However, the Lord has an individual plan for each family based on the needs that are found there. May we set our hearts to seek this plan out with our husbands, and then be committed to following it.

These past few weeks, as Steve and I were praying and discussing schoolbooks for next year, we were faced with a decision. Sarah has loved one of her school courses this year, particularly because of the self-paced, work-text format of the curriculum. She would have been very pleased to use that curriculum for all of her studies next year. In one of the workbooks of this course, though, was the summary of the story of Dracula. As we prayed about the curriculum choices for Sarah, we came down to feeling we could not go wrong by following the principles of purity and holiness the Lord has placed on our hearts. Therefore, we chose, with Sarah’s wholehearted approval, a publisher whom we have not known to compromise by presenting evil in their materials.

If we do have areas of concern about our children’s character or their academics, how can we best approach it? Again, seeking the Lord in prayer is always the starting place. I will frequently bring a problem to Steve. He says to me, “Let’s pray about it.” A few days later, after a prayer focus on the situation, we will discuss the problem when we have a quiet, talking time. We will see what the Lord is leading us to try. Even with a “plan” on how to work with the problem, we still need to be committed to keeping it as a prayer focus. Here again, the battle is not ours, but the Lord’s.

May we take these last weeks of our school year as a time to rejoice in the Lord’s goodness in allowing us the privilege of teaching our children at home. May we reflect on the growth and blessings that have occurred over these months. May we cry out to the Lord for His wisdom and direction for decisions regarding next year.

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Trials

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I was lying on my bed trying to do my Bible study. Instead, I couldn’t keep from crying. Some difficulties with the children had discouraged me, and the tears were flowing. At 10:30 p.m. the phone rang.

“Mom, it’s Nathan. My car just spun out, and I am sitting in the median. I’m not hurt, and the car isn’t either. A guy stopped to help me. He’s going to try to get me out. I wanted you to know so you and Dad could pray that we can get it out.”

Nathan, our twenty-one-year-old son, was returning from a long weekend retreat with a friend. Driving home, he had entered into freezing rain. While driving fifty miles per hour on the interstate, he hit a patch of ice.

Suddenly, the troubles of a few minutes ago didn’t seem so important any more. We now were thinking about life and death. God’s hand of mercy and protection were greatly evident in the events of the accident. I continued to cry–for another reason. Steve immediately knelt down at the bed to pray. He praised the Lord, thanked the Lord, and petitioned the Lord.

The little trials God sends my way are not sent to discourage me. For me, right now, these trials usually have to do with my children. Your trials may be different. Trials are meant to get and keep my focus on the Lord. Where will that focus be? Will it be on me–my failures, my inconveniences, my feelings? Or will it be on the Lord?

Lately, too often, I have allowed my thoughts to dwell on the small, negative things happening around me. Then I am caught in a trap of discouragement. Sometimes this discouragement so overwhelms me that I can’t even begin to think the right thoughts. Then I cry and feel defeated. Of course, these are the times I most need to call out to the Lord rather than allow my mind to continue to dwell on me and on what is going on. The truth is that sometimes I can’t even do this. When that is the case, I have to make myself take out my spiritual notebook.

My spiritual notebook is a large three-ring notebook that I was encouraged to begin five years ago. It has ABC tabs and normal tabs. Behind the ABC tabs, I have pages of Scriptures for specific needs. As I find a verse that has special meaning to me, I will write it on a page under an appropriate topic. Verses to help with discouragement are written on a page filed after “D” and ones on discipline on another “D” page. There is a page for verses on sin, love, fear, patience, thoughts, etc.

One of the tabs has pages of special spiritual notes, book notes, and handouts. Another section has areas in which the Lord has dealt with me in the past. This includes Scripture and encouragement He has given me that I have written out. When I read through the Scripture and notes in this notebook, I begin to have the right thoughts and focus, even though I haven’t been able to have them on my own. These verses are familiar ones. They are verses that have ministered to me and met my need in the past, and they continue to do so. I have to take what little steps I can, leaving the emotionally distressing situations behind as I go to be alone with the Lord to seek Him. To be honest, even this step can be difficult for me in the midst of an emotional storm. However, if I will go where I know the truth is, the Lord reaches out to meet the need.

Last night, after the call from Nathan, I realized I was allowing little things to take too much of my attention. Steve encouraged me to stop thinking negatively about things and get my focus back on the Lord. Doesn’t that sound right and easy? But again, when I am allowing my emotions to run my thoughts, it is not easy. So I, a little facetiously, asked Steve exactly how I was to do this. His response was that I needed to put my energy into crying out to the Lord in prayer, expressing my concerns and inability to speak truth in my heart.

Knowing he was right, I also recalled the words of our pastor that morning. He was preaching on God’s purposes for storms–physical storms–and drawing analogies to God’s purposes for allowing storms in our lives. He was encouraging us not to try to hide from the storms, in storm shelters, but to let God work His purpose in us through the storm. If my heart’s desire is truly to know Jesus Christ and be conformed to His image, why am I not willing to accept difficulties that will cause my heart to look to Him?

I decided one way to get my mind back on the Lord was to read in Psalms. I started reading Psalms 91. I was stopped as I read verse 4, “. . . his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.” That verse spoke to my heart and my need at the time. To move my thinking from myself to my Lord, I needed this thought of God’s faithfulness. Concentrating on Who He is and what He has done put my attention where God could use it positively. I was able to recall the verse throughout the day. It was a comfort and encouragement to me, keeping my heart on the Lord, not on myself.

Do you have times when your thinking is off track; perhaps emotions are controlling those thoughts in a negative way? Does it seem impossible to get them back on the Lord and on His truth? When this is the case, don’t allow yourself to continue that way, but take one tiny step. Get out your Bible or spiritual notebook, and put God’s thoughts back into your mind. Then allow those thoughts to push out the wrong ones. Let them speak truth to your heart, and believe them, whether you feel like it or not. Your heart will be at peace once more; you will be filled with true thoughts; your mind will be focused on Jesus Christ, not on your own self!

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A Meek and Quiet Spirit – Some Real-Life Examples and Failures

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It seems that I can’t let a year go by without a Mom’s Corner dealing with a wife’s need for a meek and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

I wonder how many of us were born with meek and quiet spirits. I know I was not! This is something that God began pointing out in my life several years ago. He did this in what I considered a most unusual way. He began to make me aware of my interactions with my husband, viewing them as an outsider would.

Here are some things I heard myself saying to my husband:

“Honey, who was that on the phone? What did they want? Well, what did you say?”

“Steven, did you see what Joseph just did? No matter how many times I tell him he still does it.”

“Have you made a decision yet? I asked you about this on Monday, and I am feeling like I should know what we are going to do.”

I needed to learn, and am still in training, to have a meek and quiet spirit. Often a meek and quiet spirit, for me, would translate into a quiet mouth. If my husband chooses to share a phone conversation with me, I am pleased to have my curiosity satisfied. If he does not, it is good for me to trust God to give me information that I am interested in or might need to know. Should Steve forget to tell me something important, it may become known at some point. Then if he feels badly about having forgotten to tell me, it is a lesson from the Lord, not a controlling wife!

When Steve was home, I wanted him to be the one to correct the children. However, I also felt it my duty to point out what the children were doing that needed his attention. How much better it is when I am quiet. It is quite presumptive of me to think I know best what the children are doing that would need correction. This has been clearly illustrated to me during our evening Bible time. I wanted to keep telling the little children to be quiet, sit still, or perhaps put down a toy. You know what? My speaking to the child was as disruptive to our Bible time as what the child was doing. I found that if I would just sit very quietly with my mouth tightly closed, Steve would take care of anything that was a distraction to him. It is a great relief to not have to be “in charge” but just to sit and let my husband do what God has called him to.

It is a relief, but it is not easy! Everything within me so often wants to push, control, and some would say, nag. Usually, if I will be quiet, all will work out just fine the way Steve does it. The times it might not, it is so much better to have that realization come from the Lord and not from me.

Another area that has been difficult for me is to learn not to correct my husband in front of others–even sweetly. What does it matter if we did this thing on Monday or Wednesday night, as I would be prone to point out if he said the wrong one? I have discovered that, even if it does matter, it is better to be quiet and maintain our testimony than to correct my husband in public. There is seldom anything that important. Truly, if misinformation was given, I believe it would be better for my husband to call the person later and correct it than for me to have spoken up publicly.

Despite knowing I do not want to do this, as recently as Saturday morning this happened. Steve was driving a group of moms and girls from our church to a baby shower because of bad road conditions. I stepped into his conversation to clarify something I thought the ladies might misunderstand. Almost as quickly as the words were out of my mouth they seemed to shout back at me in accusation. I am glad, because I do want to learn these lessons. In my pride, I do not like to continually fail in something that is pretty cut and dried–don’t correct your husband in public, including in front of the children!

Something amazing has happened over these past three years that God has had me in this training course, Meek and Quiet Spirit 101. Steve’s love for me has grown. It has been so exciting for me to see God use an area where He showed me I needed to become obedient. He has poured out His blessing in a way I did not foresee.

May I encourage each of you who are wives to honor, respect, and love your husband by asking the Lord to teach you to have a meek and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in His sight. May we treat our husbands as our leaders and not be controlling. May it never be said by an outsider watching our interactions with our husbands, “I know she wears the pants in that home.”