Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

A Wifely Victory

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Recently I had a wonderful victory in the area of reverencing my husband. I am sure you will laugh at it because it seems such a small thing. To me it was monumental even though I have been growing greatly in reverencing and submitting to my husband, particularly through the last five years.

My parents were coming over with my ninety-one-year-old grandmother. They were treating our family to ordered-in pizza. We had set a time for them to come and for the pizza to arrive. So, exactly what was my victory in the midst of this small celebration? It was pretty simple. I didn’t remind Steve to call early for the pizza to arrive at the designated time! Doesn’t that sound silly? Why would this be a victory for me? It is because I think Steve won’t remember such things unless I remind him.

This victory did not come without a battle. I thought about reminding him. I even considered how I might do this without it seeming like I was. As it neared time for our guests to arrive, I so wanted to ask him if he had ordered the pizza. When this thought popped up into my mind, I had to take it to the Lord. 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” I prayed that the Lord would help me hold my tongue and that reverencing Steve would be more important than having the pizza arrive on time.

I realized that even if Steve did forget to order the pizza, the worst that would happen is he would realize this when my folks arrived, order it, and we would wait a while for dinner. Guess what? He didn’t forget! Not only did he not forget, I didn’t have to remind him!

Do you realize what small victories like this do for my future in reverencing my husband? Each one grows my faith in my Lord and my husband. Next time I will not have such a battle with my thoughts over whether to remind or not. It will be easier to rest, having the meek and quiet spirit I so desire (1 Peter 3:4)!

What if Steve had forgotten to order the pizza? I would still have had the peace in my heart that reverencing my husband was more important than when the food arrived. What a petty issue to be concerned about–timing of food delivery! In this particular case, it would have been just fine for the pizza to be late. My parents, due to a small emergency before they left home, were not able to arrive at the agreed-upon time. It could have been the Lord’s plan not to have the timing for the pizza arrival be our timing.

I wonder if you have begun thinking about the reverencing of your husband. Ephesians 5:33 ends with, “and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” I have always thought of reverencing as respecting. However, no matter how I turned the definition of reverencing around, it came back to me as a much deeper relationship than just respect. Respect takes us a long way, but where do we go with reverencing?

I have become aware, through the Holy Spirit’s promptings in my life, of ways I don’t reverence or even respect my husband. Much of it comes from me wanting to control and conform Steve to what I think he should be. This would not be overt to an outside observer. Nor do I feel like I purpose to do this; it just seems to be ingrained in my nature! It is so important that I see and evaluate these controlling behaviors realistically. I am talking about things like this: reminding so that he doesn’t forget something important, having a better idea when he brings up a suggestion, giving him “direction” for what he should or should not do or say, always asking where he is going and what he is doing, requesting the details of his phone conversations. I can put on a sweet voice and a smile thinking that will make my controlling ways acceptable. The truth is it doesn’t. Part of reverencing Steve is being under his authority without trying to manipulate him to my wishes.

Please understand this doesn’t mean I never do any of these things. They just aren’t the overriding characteristics of our relationship. As Steve and I have discussed these issues, he has decided that he would like me to ask if he wants reminders about certain areas that need addressing. We freely discuss, as husband and wife, what is going on in our lives. This gives the proper platform for me to give “wifely” input. How much better in our private discussion of a problem concerning the children to offer a suggestion than to raise my eyebrows at him in front of the children or speak a critical word to him! Usually Steve tells me where he is going, what he is doing, and shares details of phone conversations I would be interested in. So what does it matter if, on occasion, he doesn’t do this? Do I need to jump on it and ask him? Can I rest in the Lord knowing that if I need to know the Lord will prompt Steve to tell me?

To be honest with you, this is a struggle for me. I don’t want to have to watch my words or tone of voice with my husband. I don’t care for needing to wait on him to ask for my opinion or counsel on a subject. I want to know all about his phone conversation with a mutual friend. These limitations frustrate me.

1 Peter 3:4 says in relation to wives, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” I am learning that the Lord is more concerned about the meek and quiet spirit He desires of me than that everything is the way I want it. When I consider it, do I truly want to be a controlling, nagging, “always have a better idea” wife?

The Lord has been giving me another thought in this area. How can I possibly know that what I believe is right in a given situation is actually the way to go? After all, Scripture does say, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). I am convinced that Christ, as the head of the church, is always right! While my husband is a fallible, sinful human, this word picture in Ephesians puts him in the same position in relation to me as that of Christ and the church. It is something for me to seriously consider when everything within me wants to have a situation go “my way”! Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Perhaps God has a purpose for the times Steve fails that is greater than if he did exactly what I thought he should!

I see that a part of reverencing my husband is truly trusting in his decisions, not only when they match my own. Choosing to do this puts him in a position of being responsible to the Lord, not to me. Obviously, there will be times of failure on my husband’s part. For some husbands it may be a whole lifetime of failure. Will I compound this by my own discontent, nagging, and controlling? Will I choose to reverence my husband, trusting and obeying my Lord’s command?

What about you? I expect there are areas in your relationship with your husband where you can begin to pray about and learn to let go of controlling. Will you be more concerned with following the Lord, in obedience to His Word to you as a wife, than you are about having things go the way you think they should? May the Lord encourage our hearts as we seek Him in our quest to be the wives He has called us to be.

Little “Nags,” or Are They “Promptings”?

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I had two small areas in my life that were bothering me recently. When you read about them, you may even chuckle and think, “Why would those create a problem for her? They are so insignificant.” For me, these are issues that just “nag” at my mind. They are things that I have felt led by the Lord to do and have planned into my daily schedule.

The first “nag” is my writing time for Mom’s Corners. I have this time set aside in my day, but often I will allow myself to be drawn into answering e-mails rather than writing an article. My scheduled Corner writing time is quiet, early in the morning, before the little children are up and interruptions begin.

The second “nag” has to do with a timeline and a set of wall maps that go with our school Bible time. We just haven’t been doing them lately. Our Bible time is held in the living room, but our timeline and wall maps are located in the dining room. Therefore, we must move into the dining room for this part of our Bible time, get out our materials, sort them, and figure out which ones go up for the current lesson.

Neither of these problems is very big. Solving them has been simple. However, I allowed them to “nag” at me for several weeks, even months. I let myself follow my way rather than the way the Lord had led me in these two areas. They were small things, but left alone, they grew in their “nagging” potential in my mind. It really would have been much better for me to have addressed these difficulties early on and dealt with them, rather than to let them drag on and on.

My problem in staying on task with the Mom’s Corner writing was a character issue. It is one faced by many as they implement and use a schedule. The schedule calls for a particular activity, but we are drawn away by something else to take that scheduled time. How do I feel when I allow this to happen? I am discouraged and disgruntled with myself.

Why does this involve character? It is because the Lord has directed me to use my time in this particular way. When I allow myself to be pulled to other uses for that time, uses that He has not led me to for that hour, I am choosing disobedience to my Lord Jesus Christ. It is as simple as that! Do I usually view it that way? Of course not! I rationalize in my thoughts, “This e-mail answer will only take a minute or two. It will be out of the way and off my mind. Then I will get right back to the Mom’s Corner.” Whether it is two minutes or the fifteen it usually turns into does not matter, it is still disobedience to what the Lord has called me to do.

What is the solution? Prayer. Begin with, “Lord, You have put on my heart the writing of Mom’s Corners. You have even given me the time to spend on them. I have been allowing myself to be drawn into other tasks at the computer rather than keeping my focus on the Corner. Lord, because I know You have directed me to write the Corners, I am really choosing disobedience by doing other things. It is no different from when I tell my children to pick up the toys in their room, but find them playing with those toys instead. They went down to pick up toys; however, they became distracted with the exact thing they were sent to do. Please forgive me, Lord, for following my own way, rather than Your way. Help me to stick with the job You have assigned!”

Then I must look for ways to limit the distractions that pull me away. Just realizing it was disobedience not to spend my time as the Lord had directed was an immense help. Next, I set a specific time in my schedule for doing what was distracting me from my task at hand. In this case, I decided to use the half hour after the little ones were in bed for answering e-mails, rather than fitting them haphazardly in through the day and disrupting other scheduled activities. It really is a perfect time because I am tired by then and don’t have much energy. I am motivated to not let the e-mails pile up so I won’t want to head for bed without addressing them.

My second irritation that “bugged” me, of not keeping up with our Bible timeline and maps, was just as simple to relieve. All I had to do was commit to going into the dining room for part of Bible time whenever we were ready to work on the timeline or map. Doesn’t that sound easy? Why was it such an effort to do this? I think it just shows the depths of my own laziness and enjoyment of comfort. After all, sitting in my living room recliner is much more pleasant than being on the hard dining room chair. Since some of our materials needed to be sorted before we could use them, I took one of our Bible times, gathered the children at the dining room table, handed out the little pieces of numbered paper, and we began to put them in order. We worked together, and it took less than fifteen minutes. Because my supplies weren’t readily available, I kept putting off and putting off this part of our Bible time that really was important to me.

What about you? Are there issues that just “nag” at your mind and heart? Have you taken the time to pray about solutions? “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). Are you ready to seek the answer in order to be rid of the discouraging thoughts? “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).

Remember to first determine whether your “nags” are of the Lord. If they are not what the Lord would have you do, find that out so you can let go of the negative emotions that accompany your perceived failures. Pray about these areas, and consult with your husband before you assume they are from the Lord. If they are from the Lord, deal with them as He directs. Perhaps, rather than naming these areas “nags,” it would be better to perceive them as the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Would we more quickly face the issues if we recognized them as the promptings of the Holy Spirit? I would! A “nag” is something that harasses you into doing what it wants you to do. A prompting of the Holy Spirit is something to follow in joyful obedience.

I expect your little areas that “prompt” you are individual to your circumstances and personality but not that much different than mine. They are small issues. Someone from the outside could look at them and be surprised that you struggle with them or haven’t found a solution for them. However, for me and for you, our personal little “prompts” build and grow daily when they aren’t addressed. Despite this, they truly are insignificant enough that we feel we can continue to ignore them, while their “prompting” pressure discourages us.

The solution may be setting aside time in your schedule to do what has been bothering you. It could be needing to prepare the materials for a specific activity. It may mean writing something on a list that needs to be purchased when errands are run. Perhaps it is writing down an issue that should be discussed with your husband so that a direction is reached. For some reason, these small things can be the ones that undermine us through our day.

Remember Jesus’ parable of the talents? Here is His final word, “His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:21). How we respond to these “few things” in our lives is the basis for how our children will deal with similar areas of their lives. When character issues are important to our hearts for our children, shouldn’t they begin with us? Each of my little “prompts” had to do with character, but because they were so insignificant, they were easy to excuse and ignore. However, I wasn’t fooling the Lord, was I? Had these not been significant to Him, I believe I could be sure they wouldn’t have remained on my mind.

May I encourage each of us to not allow these small “prompts” to go unaddressed and unresolved? If they are “nags,” and not from the Lord, may we learn to discern that and refuse to listen to their “nagging.” If they are His leading and the promptings of the Holy Spirit, then may we learn the character, through Him, to move us into joyful obedience.

No Condemnation

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It was the week to write a Mom’s Corner, but the Lord had not been revealing to me what He wanted me to write on. I presently have my scheduled writing time after my early morning devotions. This particular morning, I lingered in bed doing some extra praying before my scheduled prayer and Bible-reading time. I knew I had nothing yet to write and would spend my writing time praying. The basis for writing is prayer, so I was continuing to ask the Lord for His direction.

My time in Romans 8 that morning was so fruitful and encouraging that I felt strongly the Lord gave it to me for the Mom’s Corner. Let me share a verse I believe is especially applicable to us as homeschooling moms, and one that has personally helped me.

Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” I wonder if this is how we, as homeschooling moms, live–with no condemnation. It seems so easy to fall into the trap of self-condemnation.

One of my personal areas of greatest struggle is with my attitude and voice. If I am involved in a task and one of the children interrupts me, it is natural for me to respond to them with a short tone and an edge of irritation in my voice. My heart’s desire is to do as Titus 2:4 says, “to love their children” in all my interactions with my children. Am I demonstrating love by being unhappy with a child who interrupts? Of course not! If the child was being rude in interrupting, he may need training or correcting, but that should still involve a neutral tone of voice, or a pleasant one.

When I fail, what do I think? Usually it is one of two things. I can follow the path of least resistance, and this is what goes through my mind, “There I go again. I was irritated over such a small thing. Won’t I ever learn to handle these little frustrations with gentleness and kindness? I am such a failure. I don’t ever change!” Self-condemnation, lots of it!

My other choice of thoughts comes from focusing on the Lord. These verses in 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 have greatly changed my thinking and dealing with my sin. “Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” While these verses may be dealing with salvation, I have found personal application in them to my walk as a believer.

My thoughts of guilt and self-condemnation are the “sorrow of the world” that worketh “death.” What benefit is there to my family, or to me, in those kinds of thoughts? Do they bring about change in my life? Do they encourage me to depend on the Lord Jesus Christ? Absolutely not! They actually keep my focus on myself and allow me to wallow in self-pity.

On the other hand, there is “sorrow to repentance.” This is the sorrow that is fruitful and productive. It puts these thoughts into my mind: “Lord, You are surely not pleased when my words do not show the fruit of Your Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith. My irritation and anger is sin, Lord. I confess to You my wrongdoing and ask You to forgive me.” No condemnation!

What benefits are there to me and to my family with these thoughts? First, it is the reality of the joy of “no condemnation.” It is the truth of 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Here is freedom and joy rather than guilt and self-pity. The Lord is freed to work in my heart. He is the One Who will do the changing in my life. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

I know that I am more able to love my family, if, when I sin, I confess and repent of it, and ask for the Lord’s help to overcome it, than when I head in the direction of “poor me, here I go again.” Confession and repentance relieves the burden of trying to be the one to bring about a change in this area of my life where I am prone to failure. I can’t do it anyway, but when my thoughts are wrong, it makes me feel like it is my responsibility.

How often does self-condemnation take this form in our thoughts? “I am ruining my children by this homeschooling. Look at what a bad example I am to them. They are learning all my negative traits and following in my areas of sin. I just don’t have the patience to deal with them twenty-four hours a day.”

Yes, there have been times I have thought these thoughts, although not for the past several years. Is this the way God would have us think? I am sure you would agree; it is not. If we are a bad example, we need to be confessing–never excusing or justifying–each incidence of sin in our lives before the Lord and our children. We must repent of it and prayerfully submit to the Lord. If we lack patience, we should look for the benefits the Lord has for our children and for us by allowing a “furnace” in which to learn patience. Can we ruin our children if we are following the Lord in obedience to what He has called us to do, and we are walking faithfully with Him? No, of course not!

All of the negative thoughts are self-focused. We have to set them aside and take them captive to the truth the Lord gives us in His Word. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

As I walk in the Lord’s path of “no condemnation,” my children learn how to deal with the sin in their lives. They see a humbled mother coming to them and confessing the irritation in her heart and the negative tone in her voice. There are no excuses, simply repentance. These children will battle sin throughout their lives. If I were ruining them, it would be from teaching them to look at self and feel self-condemnation for sin, rather than to look at the Lord, repent over sin, and be grateful for forgiveness. I would be failing my children by modeling worldly sorrow, rather than sorrow to repentance.

I challenge you to take a critical look at your heart and thoughts when you fail. What are you thinking? Is there self-condemnation, or are you confessing and repenting? Are you falling into self-pity, or are you experiencing the joy of walking with the Lord Jesus in “no condemnation”? May we encourage each other to not follow what comes naturally, but to walk in the truth the Lord has given us of “no condemnation.”

Tea Time with the Lord

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Let me share a part of a note I received, and have permission to use, to encourage you. Marilyn writes,

“Something very fascinating has happened to me. I have discovered the source of my discouragement. My problem is that I was not spending any quiet time with the Lord. I haven’t for years. I wasn’t drawing near to Him, and I had conceded that all of my homeschooling friends had the same problems that I had. We were all just burned out and overburdened. I now have scheduled ‘tea time with the Lord’ in my day, first thing.”

That reminds me of how often moms tell of the excitement they have when they begin using a schedule. Once again they are having daily quiet times, those moments alone with the Lord! This pleasure is real because, sadly, time in the Word is one of the first activities to be set aside when homeschooling days become busy.

Generally, as Christians, we begin homeschooling because the Lord Jesus Christ leads us to this decision. He has first place in our lives, and when we begin to have concerns about other school options, He gently starts putting the homeschooling idea on our hearts. More often than not, we don’t feel “qualified” to homeschool either in the area of patience or as an actual teacher. We know, though, that whom the Lord calls He also enables. So we step out in faith, trusting the Lord to carry out the plans He has set before us.

While this is the way we head into homeschooling, it isn’t long until the demands of school, laundry, meals, cleaning, ministry, and life in general begin to wear on us, and somehow, we give up our personal time with the Lord. We allow the busyness of our days and weeks to drive the way we use our time. Then we wonder why we are discouraged, frustrated, irritable with the children, and short tempered in general.

Consider, for a moment, a few Scriptures with me. Psalms 119:105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Don’t we desire to know the way the Lord has prepared for us personally, and for each of our children? Have you heard, or even said yourself, “If the Lord would just send a letter telling me what to do in this situation, I would be so happy to obey!” God has sent us much more than a letter; He has given us a whole book! The more we root and ground ourselves in His Word, the more we will understand His will in choices we must make. “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2).

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). Does this describe the way you feel some days? So how is it that we “show that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us,” if we don’t have time in our day to spend with God? Without daily reliance on Jesus Christ, aren’t we working through our day in our own power and strength?

“My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up” (Psalms 5:3). Do you? Do I? Or do we only take the time to shoot up arrow prayers during each crisis that occurs throughout the day? Is this truly laying our requests before God, or is it asking Him to be a firefighter for us? Can you keep a record of God’s answers to prayers in your life, and your family’s lives, if you don’t have a consistent time to spend in prayer alone with Him?

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Isn’t this another of our hearts’ desires, to be thoroughly equipped for every good work the Lord has for us to do, and especially in the teaching and training of our children? If we don’t spend time daily with the Lord, in His Word, will this be possible?

My heart desperately needs the Word of God every single day! I have a scheduled forty-five minutes early in the morning to have a quiet time. For the most part, this keeps me consistent, but sometimes we are up quite late at night and that impacts my time with the Lord the next morning. I wonder if my family can tell the days I have really met with Him, versus the ones I hurry through my reading, prayer, and memory time, or skip it altogether. They don’t ask me that question, but perhaps on days when my irritation is quick to show through, it would be good accountability for me if they did.

When my youngest child, now three, was a baby, she went through a stage when she wasn’t nursing well at her breakfast time feeding. We decided that I should quit waking her up at 5:30 a.m. to nurse so she would be hungrier at 8:30 a.m. As we began doing this, I found I became very nervous from 6:45 until 7:45, because I would not be available if she happened to wake up and be hungry. I was out of the house walking and someone at home would have to pacify her if she awakened. That time became miserable for me because of my anxiety over the baby. I asked Steve and he agreed that we could go back to me waking the baby up early in the morning. Do you know what happened? Rather than dreading having to get up at 5:30 every morning to nurse the baby, I loved it. I was so happy to again have a peaceful heart during that hour I was out walking, that I didn’t mind in the least the early morning nursing time.

In a similar way, our time feasting on the Word should be so important to us that we don’t care a bit that we are rising earlier than we might otherwise, or that we are taking quiet afternoon time when the children sleep to meet with the Lord.

My husband and I are “best friends,” and we love to talk with each other. Frequently, I gain insight into my own life by discovering what he thinks about various situations that don’t even involve us personally. Recently I found out what he believes a wife who wants to encourage her husband to be the spiritual head of her home should do. Have you ever wondered about this or perhaps discussed it with some of your friends? What did you come up with? Do you know how a man might respond to this?

Steve says the place for a woman to begin helping her husband in his spiritual headship of their home is with her own personal time in the Word with the Lord! Her husband will observe peace, contentment, joy, gratitude, and other fruit of the Spirit that will emanate from her life when she is spending time reading her Bible and praying. He will also be drawn to the Lord and the Word.

Do we want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders of our homes? Could it really be that this begins with our personal time with the Lord in His Word? Remember, this time is for our own personal growth in the Lord. It is not to be used in a “look what I am doing” kind of attitude with our husbands. What fruit will develop in our lives as a result of our investment of this time with the Lord? Am I considering the widespread effect, within my family and ministry circle, that my devotions will have?

How much of what our hearts yearn for in our homes is tied back to this very special time? If you have felt the Lord’s call to homeschool, but have been neglecting to seek Him daily by setting aside a time to spend alone with Him, may I strongly encourage you to not let another day go by before you remedy this situation. May we each follow Marilyn’s example and begin our day with “tea time with the Lord”!

Right Timing

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Have you ever been away from your children for a period of time? Were you really excited about getting back home and seeing them again? As you were nearing your arrival did you picture the perfect homecoming and reunion with your children?

Recently, Steve and I had the opportunity to go away to a cabin in Colorado for a week to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We loved our time together but were both anxious to be back with our family. We were so excited about returning home that, when we were awake at 3:30 a.m. the morning of our trip home and not sleeping well, we decided to start back then rather than waiting for the planned 5:00 a.m. wake-up time. All the way home I imagined what our evening with the children would be like.

Our homecoming was exactly what I had pictured–for the first couple of hours. Then I went downstairs into my three little boys’ bedroom and playroom! Yikes! It looked like they had left everything out for the entire week I was gone, even getting into the locked storage closet of extra toys.

So what would you have done? What do you think I did? I wish I could tell you that I decided the night of my return home was the night to love and enjoy my little ones, knowing that we could tackle putting items back in place another time. Instead, I decided we had had enough homecoming time. I chose to call them downstairs to begin the task right away. The evening ended with me being frustrated with the children and myself. I was disappointed I had not let the pickup wait and unhappy with them for not keeping up with their room while I was away!

I am still learning and growing in this area of right timing. As you can see from this situation, while I may understand the need for right timing in my mind, my emotions in the heat of the moment do not always agree. Sometimes I follow those emotions rather than that still, small voice of the Lord.

Does right timing enter into our lives as homeschooling moms? I believe it is very vital and key in many areas of our homeschooling.

When we have had a night with little sleep and wake up feeling drug out, is it a good day to tackle a problem that has been looming on the horizon for months? The answer to that is an easy, “Of course not!” But what often happens? In our tired state, that problem is so discouraging and looks so big, we jump right on top of it. Usually this means we do not deal with it in a way we would have preferred if we had really thought and prayed about it.

What about right timing in teaching a child a concept in school? Have you ever been frustrated with a child who is not catching on to something–perhaps it is fractions in math? You work and work, explain and explain, search for alternative ways to demonstrate, and still the light does not come on. Finally, that section is finished, but you know very well your child has not grasped what they were to learn. You are discouraged, while at the same time relieved to be done with the struggle. Then you get into fractions again the next year, and suddenly, even at the beginning of the study, your child understands fractions!

What about right timing in working with the heart attitudes of your children? Will they respond to your discussions of the need for changes in their heart when they are angry, rebellious, or distraught?

Yet, how often do we as mothers try to reach our child’s heart at exactly that moment? Then we wonder why their reaction was not what we wanted it to be. What would happen if we waited until the emotion had passed, on our part and on our child’s part, and spent the ensuing time in prayer for our child’s receptivity? Then we could find a non-confrontational, quiet moment to pursue the problem.

This issue of right timing affects our interactions with our husbands. Have you ever had a terrible day? Then the moment your husband walked in the door you began to dump on him all the frustrations that had built up. It wasn’t just from that day, but the problems that had been hanging around for some time. Is this the best time to share these concerns and seek solutions together?

I know that although Steve is willing to listen to me, allow me to emote, and try to work through the difficulties, we are not very productive at this time. Whereas, if I will wait until our weekend date to bring up the situations from that week that are ongoing and need to be addressed, then we can discuss them in a calm, rational manner. This allows me to weed out the small issues that are not ongoing, plus I have time for prayer in the meantime.

I wonder how much better off we would be to learn, in each of these areas of right timing, to take just a moment to ask the Lord, “Lord, is this the time for me to deal with this situation or is there a better time?” If He gives the go-ahead, then the timing is right. But if He whispers to our hearts “No,” then we need to let go of our agenda, lift the situation up in prayer, and listen for when the timing is right.

I have to tell you that I have a long way to go in this particular area. I know that there are victories I can point to, particularly in learning the signals my body and emotions give me when I am very tired. This is not the time to do anything except maintain the status quo and head for bed as soon as possible. Even though there is much for the Lord to teach me in the discernment of right timing, it is my heart’s desire that I would be submissive and teachable.

May I encourage each of you to consider right timing. As you become more sensitive to the Lord in this, what difference will it make in your mothering? What about your effectiveness as a homeschooling mom? Could it affect your relationship with your husband? I believe the answer to each of these is a resounding “YES!”

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” May each of our words fit into this category. I know, for me, this is much more likely when my heart is attentive to the Lord for His timing.

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Homemade Character Training

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Very frequently in the course of these Mom’s Corners, I stress the importance of working on character issues with our children. We have looked at the necessity of not only being on the defensive concerning character through consistent discipline, but also being on the offensive with character training sessions. No one knows the particular needs of your children, at this moment, nearly so well as you and your husband do. Therefore, who better than the two of you to plan how this character training will take place? So often we find ourselves in search of the perfect “character curriculum,” when we have the best of the best right under our noses–the Bible and our knowledge of our children.

Prayer is a key ingredient to your character training planning. Begin by praying alone and with your husband, if possible, about what character trait your family should be working on. Don’t just assume that you know what it is; really seek the Lord!

Once you have decided on the character to be tackled, continue praying, asking the Lord to give you creativity in how to present this character trait to your children, and how to make it practical for their lives during your training time. You can tailor the teaching sessions to your own children to ensure that the learning and information fits their needs and learning capabilities. Your examples can be ones that come right from their daily experiences in your home. This will make your character-training time realistic and practical.

Set aside a time in which you plan for character time, and write down your ideas. I can have scheduled character training in our day, but never actually do it. Why? Because I don’t have a plan for how to use that time, and it is easier just to avoid it than try to make up something when I am not prepared. On the other hand, when I know what we would like to accomplish during those minutes, then I will make the effort to be accountable to the scheduled character-training time. Our dear Pastor Anderson in Clearwater, Florida used to tell us, “Nothing becomes dynamic until it becomes specific.” Making your plan isn’t difficult, but having it written down is key to your success.

This process of putting together your own homemade character-training curriculum for scheduled training sessions is quite exciting. Once you get started, you will be surprised how your mind will begin “perking,” and you will come up with lots and lots of ideas. Write them all down, and you are ready to go with your character-training time. Try it; I think you will like it!

How to Homeschool a Dawdler

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Seldom do I give a “Getting It All Done” workshop in which I do not get this question: “My child manages to draw out every school assignment he is given. This ends up making the rest of the family have to wait on him before we can go on to our next activity. I really feel like he could do the work more quickly, but he just dawdles, rather than applying himself to his task. What do I do?”

First, Figure Out If He’s Truly a Dawdler.

What about you? Is one of your children a classic dawdler? He sits down to do a page of math and within a minute is up sharpening his pencil. Back to the book, the child is soon noticed looking out the window while thumbing through the book. Pretty soon a drink is called for, and within minutes of returning from that, a bathroom break is taken. Sound familiar?

First, I encourage you to discern whether the fact that your child cannot complete an assignment in the allotted time is because he is incapable of doing the work, or because he is a dawdler. Here is how we made this determination. We had a son who could spend two hours or more in front of his math book without completing more than two or three problems on his two pages’ worth of work. We certainly didn’t want to deal with this as a character issue if it were an ability deficiency.

One evening about 5:00 p.m., after this child had sat at the table with his math book in front of him most of the afternoon, his dad announced, “I have just ordered pizza for dinner. It will be here in thirty minutes. Anyone who has all their schoolwork completed may join us for pizza. Others can have a sandwich alone when their schoolwork is finished.”

Steve happened to know the current situation with this child and that the other children had long before turned in all their schoolwork. This was a test for our dawdler. You will never believe the results! Pencil went to paper, and within fifteen minutes, that child had every math problem completed on his lesson. Moreover, he had done an excellent job in terms of accuracy!

I had believed he could easily complete his math in thirty minutes, but had allowed him forty-five minutes just to be sure. It was confirmed. We had a character issue to work with, not an ability one.

Determine Consequences that Work.

This is the way we handle the dawdling situation in our home. The children are required, barring unusual circumstances, to finish any schoolwork they did not get done in their scheduled time during their free time later in the day. The more I am consistent with enforcing this, the more progress we see in our children applying themselves during their scheduled school time. It is absolutely no fun to watch your siblings out playing while you sit and complete what you could have done earlier in the day when they were working, too, and not available for play.

I can honestly tell you it is difficult for me to be consistent in this area. I want to make excuses, in my heart, for them and allow them to head out with the others for their free time. The truth, of course, is that I am not doing them any favors by not enforcing our policy, nor am I doing myself any favors!

The characteristics of a dawdler may be seen in other areas of their life, perhaps when chore time arrives. One thing that our dawdler thrives on is some motivation to get him moving, just as in the pizza story I shared with you. A time deadline that is short and immediate can help him focus on the need to keep at the task. You might try using a timer, which you or the child can set for a determined amount of time. Then the child will have a visual reminder of the need to continue with his job or schoolwork.

Here is a short testimonial I recently received on just what we are suggesting here.

“Our schedule has also provided an opportunity to teach them personal responsibility since they are now responsible for checking the schedule themselves to see what they should be doing, and they are also responsible for using free time to finish up anything they didn’t accomplish when they were supposed to. After forfeiting part of his playtime one afternoon in order to finish math that wasn’t done when it should have been, my ten-year-old son really applied himself on the other days.”

Dear Sister, if you have a dawdler in your homeschool, be encouraged! The Lord has provided you this wonderful opportunity to impact the character of your child in a needed and positive way. Be strong and courageous; take the challenge. Don’t nag and fuss at your dawdler. Maintain a pleasant, matter-of-fact attitude as you enforce the consequences you have chosen. Remember to keep this need as a matter of prayer. Be consistent throughout this whole year in dealing with this issue. Look back, after the year, and check for some progress. Also, keep in mind that your child’s character growth is a long-term project! Even if the progress in one year is not what you want for the finished product, know for certain that had you not worked in this area, no progress would have been realized and probably movement backward would have occurred.

A New School Year– Introducing the Maxwell Family

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Another school year is about to begin! The August Mom’s Corner is the time I traditionally take to introduce my family to those of you who are new to our mailing list since last year at this time.

The Maxwell Family consists of Dad (Steve), Mom (Teri), Nathan (22), Christopher (20), Sarah (17), Joseph (10), John (8), Anna (6), Jesse (4), and Mary (2). We are beginning our fifteenth year of homeschooling, with two of our children already having graduated from our “non-accredited private school,” Flowing Streams Christian School.

The Lord, two years ago, fulfilled a vision Steve has had for a long time. Steve is now working full time with Christopher in our fledgling family business, Communications Concepts, Inc. They are distributors for printed materials (letterhead, business cards, forms, etc.) and specialty items, write software manuals, and offer one-on-one software training. Nathan is doing contract computer network administration for Western Auto’s corporate headquarters in Kansas City.

Sarah is in the twelfth grade, Joseph in fifth, John in third, Anna in first, and Jesse and Mary in our home preschool. We use Bob Jones University Press for high school curriculum, and ABEKA/Rod and Staff for elementary. Each year brings challenges and excitement to our home and school.

God has given us a vision for our children regarding their preparation to be self-supporting in life. We see the importance, even as young adults, of their remaining in our home where they have the counsel and guidance of their parents until they are ready for marriage. While they are living at home, working, studying, and maturing, they are saving a large portion of their earnings with the hope of being able to purchase a home debt free. We are also greatly enjoying the pleasure of having these years to enjoy our adult children as we spend our evenings and weekends together. We are constantly, as a family, seeking God’s direction as they pursue a course for their future that is very non-traditional.

Ministry-wise, the children, from Anna on up, help Steve with a twice-monthly church service at the Leavenworth County Infirmary (nursing home). In addition, Steve, Christopher, Joseph, and John team up with Nathan, who has recently taken on a monthly Saturday service at the City Union Mission in downtown Kansas City. Nathan also volunteers there one night a week, leads a young men’s early morning Bible study, attends our pastor’s preaching class, and is head usher at our church. Christopher plans and coordinates the children’s programs for our homeschool support group meetings, is the Sunday night pianist at our church, and attends Nathan’s Bible study and the preaching class. Sarah helps Christopher with the children’s programs for the group, edits the homeschool newsletter, and helps greatly with the workload that Managers of Their Homes has generated (including keeping up the Dad’s and Mom’s Corners e-mail list).

For many years our family had a heart’s desire to be near our extended family. In 1990 God opened doors allowing us to move to Leavenworth, Kansas, where we purchased the house next door to my parents the following year. We have loved the relationships that we have been able to watch grow, develop, and change between the various members of the family: parents, daughter, son-in-law, grandparents, and grandchildren.

1999/2000 will be the tenth year Steve, with the help of the children and me, have been leading our local homeschool support group.

We know that many of you have felt God’s leading to homeschool your children. Most of you would tell me you feel inadequate for the task. May we encourage each other in the thought that in our own strength we are inadequate. But whom God calls He also enables. His strength is made perfect in weakness. He wants our hearts to be turned toward Him. He wants us to be truly humble. Then He can work with us and mold us as the vessels of clay we are.

Our children will learn academics this year. We will too. But, in the face of eternity, more important education will be taking place. Rough edges will rub against each other. Can I patiently instruct and train as needed? Can I admit my shortcomings to my children and seek their forgiveness? Am I willing to be consistent in working with them? Will I give and give and give of myself? It is my desire that I will. Is it your desire? Is it the constant prayer of your heart?

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Pleasant Words Promote Instruction

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“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction (Prov. 16:21).” This is one of my favorite verses in regards to home schooling and to raising children. It is a verse I need to remind myself of daily. I also have to ask the Lord to help me see the value of pleasant words and to let me be aware of when they can be used. It is easy for me to spot a child’s infraction; that comes naturally. It takes the Lord’s help to be as conscious of when to use those pleasant words.

Pleasant words are appropriate in discipline situations. Sometimes I wonder what our children must think of us when we have our stern face and stern words on. Have you ever watched and listened to another mother in this mode and thought to yourself, “Look how hard and harsh she is!” Would our children have an easier time responding to our discipline if we had the same discipline but a sweet disposition while doing it? This is not the purpose of this Mom’s Corner, though. Rather I want us to consider the value of practicing pleasant words to praise and encourage our children.

Sometimes I am absolutely amazed, at what sounds very “syrupy” sweet to me when I say it, but will bring the biggest, brightest smile to my child. Right now Anna, age six, is diligently working on learning to read and write. When she makes a particular letter well, perhaps a ‘p,’ I will say, “What a great ‘p’ that was, Anna!” Her face immediately lights up with pleasure! I can assure you that there are many, many letters on her page that are not made nicely and even this one I am praising is probably not perfect. I feel certain, though, that she is much more motivated to continue working to make her letters nicely by my “pleasant words” than she would be by my criticism of her poorly formed ones.

When we brought our oldest son, now 22, home to school fifteen years ago, he was struggling with his newly acquired reading skills. I had no experience teaching reading and few resources to draw upon for the remedial help he needed. I decided that I would have him read out loud to me for ten minutes a day. I also purposed to praise him highly for the words he read correctly and to patiently help him sound out the words he struggled with, not allowing any criticism or irritation on my lips as I did so.

Unbelievably to me, within just a few short weeks, his reading skills had improved to where he could read almost anything put in front of him. He no longer dreaded reading time as he had before, but he was actually enjoying the stories he could now read for himself.

Pleasant words promote instruction. Isn’t instruction our goal in home schooling? We want our children to learn to be Christ-like; we want them to develop godly character, and we desire that they excel educationally as much as possible. Scripture says that pleasant words will help us to these goals because they promote instruction. We can say the exact same words with a sweet voice or with a hard voice, pleasant words or harsh words. What will be the outcome of each? We can also use pleasant words or critical words in most situations. Which will promote the instruction that is the prayer of our hearts for our children?

Gratitude comes under the heading of “pleasant words” in my mind. How I delight in expressions of gratefulness to me and how difficult it can be for me to receive criticism. I am finding this is just as true for my children. My seventeen-year-old daughter thrives on praise and gratitude, being highly motivated by it. Our children need to learn to receive criticism with a proper spirit, and I expect they will have plenty of opportunities for just that. I want to push that unnatural tendency in myself, learning to major on gratitude and praise while “minoring” on the reprimands that do come naturally.

“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price (1 Pet 3:3-6).” I wonder how much of this meek and quiet spirit is evidenced by our pleasant words. No matter how hard I try for pleasant words, it is a matter of the Lord changing my heart. “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34b).” I must make this heart change issue an area that I am constantly bringing before my Lord Jesus Christ in prayer and petition. Also, I want to not be satisfied with having a spirit that easily criticizes my children but has difficulty praising them. “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose (Phil. 2:13).” I desire to see these negative heart attitudes as sin, confessing them to my children and to my Lord. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9).”

Yes, I have a responsibility to teach and train my children which will involve plenty of opportunities to correct them, but may the joy of my heart be to praise, encourage, and express gratitude to them. May I see the value in these “pleasant words.” I challenge you to evaluate your day-to-day interactions with your children. Are they lop-sided on the critical, hard side or do you find frequent occasions to verbally express your pleasure with those precious children? Pleasant words promote instruction!

What Is a Mother to Do?

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One of the biggest mothering frustrations I face is deciding what consequences a wrong behavior in one of my children should receive. I watch an attitude or action that I know ought to be corrected, but I am at a loss as to what to do about it. I want to be consistent and have consequences standardized, but I will sometimes ignore the situation just because I don’t know how to discipline for it.

For example, yesterday four-year-old Jesse came upstairs crying that eight-year-old John was wearing his hat. I had two issues to deal with. John had been unkind in wearing Jesse’s hat and in keeping it when Jesse asked for it back. Jesse had also not been kind, because he wouldn’t wait for John to finish with the hat, and he came whining to me. So, what is a mother to do?!

I imagine each of you faces issues like this several times a day in your home, if you have more than one child. We are able to work with these situations even more since we are homeschoolers because we have that many more hours each day with our children home. To be honest with you, I would rather avoid these sorts of interactions between my children. Wouldn’t it be better, though, for me to see each one as an opportunity to teach and train my children? With these kinds of thoughts, I could actually be happy when the need for consequences arises.

A schedule gives direction for your day. In a similar way, standardizing and knowing exactly what you will do for many of the common areas that require discipline in your home gives direction to your child training. If you need help in this area, I suggest an If-Then Chart to help you work through this task of determining consequences and then writing them down to be posted in the home for easy reference. I can still remember the evening five or six years ago when two moms excitedly stood up in our homeschool support group meeting and shared this “treasure” they had discovered. I agree!

I wish I knew how many times I have said to one of my children, “If you ______ one more time, you will have to ______.” By the time they do it again, I have forgotten what I said the consequence would be! If I had written it down, then I could have consulted my notes and followed through.

Recently we were working on the children becoming responsible for brushing their teeth in the morning. I spent our scheduled “training time” in the late afternoons teaching the children how to brush their teeth, how long to brush, and how to put their toothbrush away afterwards.

We still needed a consequence if the teeth weren’t brushed. The decision was made to have the child lose two days’ worth of dessert if he hadn’t brushed his teeth. I wrote this on the white board and then kept track of any offenders there. Once the “rule” and the “consequence” were written down, I was no longer at a loss as to what to do when I noticed a toothbrush that still had toothpaste on it. I didn’t have to nag, fuss, or feel frustrated. I could just call the non-toothbrusher to the bathroom, tell him to please brush his teeth, and express my sympathy that he had chosen to miss two days’ worth of dessert because he hadn’t brushed them!

Here are a few other examples from the Maxwell household. If a child interrupts, he is to put his hand over his mouth until Dad or Mom lets him take it off. This comes from Proverbs 30:32, “If thou hast done foolishly . . . lay thine hand upon thy mouth.”

Certainly, a child who barges into a conversation is being foolish!

We have also “backwards” applied Proverbs 17:1, “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than a house full of sacrifices with strife.” When our children are fussing with each other, the consequence is to eat a dry crust, and we quote this particular verse with them.

May I encourage you that investing the time in determining consequences for “infractions” will be well worth the consistency you will achieve in disciplining your children. It will also remove a big area of frustration for you as the mom. This process takes thought, prayer, and consultation with your husband. Writing down the results, perhaps in a notebook, or on a chart such as the If-Then Chart is a necessity for remembering what you have chosen.

I plan to update our If-Then Chart; they do need revising, in my opinion, as the children grow. I have been dealing with times of frustration due to the uncertainty in discipline issues, because I have not been using the “tools” the Lord has given me in this area. I plan to spend time this summer regenerating my chart and then applying it! Maybe you would benefit from doing this too!