Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

A Controlling Wife and Mother

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Spending many days each year on the road means that we are often packing up from a hotel room early in the morning, heading for the van. I was struggling with trying to get five children up, through their personal Bible time, in and out of the bathroom, down to the breakfast room, packed up, and out the door those mornings. Often I could hear a commander-style tone in my voice as I told each person what he or she needed to accomplish. This process was making miserable mornings for me, and I don’t think my children liked it either.

My justification was that Steve wanted to be driving at a certain time so I should be facilitating that process. That was true, but my methods were not the godly ones that I desired them to be. Steve was right there in the room with us. As the father, he was capable of directing the children if he felt they weren’t moving at the speed they needed to go, or if they weren’t doing what he thought they should be doing.

After several unhappy mornings and then crying out to the Lord through prayer during the van drive in the day, the Lord gave me the solution. I wasn’t the one in control. I needed to be quiet and let Steve do the job the Lord Jesus had given to him—without my attempts to take over. I wouldn’t have thought that was what I was doing, but it was. What Jesus showed me I was to do was to first get myself ready to go. Then I could begin to help any child who was still getting packed up or eating breakfast. No more orders, no more tones in my voice, and no more controlling. I can testify that when I got into the van after following the plan the Lord Jesus had given me, my heart felt joyful rather than condemned.

One of my greatest struggles comes from trying to control—my husband, my children, my circumstances. You name it; I want to make it go the way I think it should go, and grab the responsibility to try to ensure the outcome. I have a great distance to go in learning spiritual lessons about not being a controller, but I want to share what I have gleaned and applied so far.

The first step in my journey to not be a controller has been to recognize that my controlling tendencies and actions are unpleasing to Jesus, and therefore they are sin in my life. Even this step has been difficult for me, because I find I always have a justification for my controlling behavior, and as long as I justify it, I am content continuing as I have been.

Why would controlling be sin? For me there have been three main reasons. First, when I am controlling, I am not trusting the Lord but rather attempting to manage the situation to accomplish the outcome I have deemed to be best. Philippians 4:6–7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” These verses do not indicate that I am to then solve the problem. Rather I am to take these issues to the Lord Jesus in prayer and then allow His peace to keep my heart and mind. When I am a controlling wife or mom, my tendency is to action rather than to prayer. Even though I pray, I do not experience His peace because I am focused on doing what I think I should do rather than waiting on Jesus to direct my steps.

The second reason I am sinning when I am controlling is that regularly I am usurping my husband’s authority. If Steve is around, then it is his responsibility to deal with situations that come up, not mine. I am my husband’s helpmeet, not his mother. Therefore, my role is better served by being in the background and serving with a meek and quiet spirit rather than trying to make happen what I think should happen. Early mornings in the hotel room are a great example of that. I see myself as a controller concerning my husband when I continually remind Steve of things he needs to do or when I point out areas in the children’s lives that I don’t believe he is noticing.

Here again, I can apply Philippians 4:6–7, pray about any concerns I have, and trust the Lord to bring them to Steve’s attention if He chooses to do so. I have noticed that because of my controlling tendencies, I focus on the negative and therefore criticism comes easily from my mouth. When I am being quiet and letting Steve have the role the Lord has given to him, then I avoid the critical and harsh words I so dislike in myself. It is my desire to be my children’s encourager, not discourager. Growing away from controlling is a part of that process for me.

The third reason my controlling is sin is because that controlling is not done with a meek and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3:4 instructs me on the importance of a meek and quiet spirit: “. . . the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” Usually when I am in a controlling mood there is a tone in my voice that indicates the emotion I am feeling. That tone is evident to my family, recognized even more quickly by them than it is by me. The controlling can disintegrate into an argument or confrontation with the person I am interacting with, which seldom has the characteristics of love and harmony that I want for my life or my family’s lives.

My commitment has been to confess my controlling each time the Lord or someone else points it out and to repent of it. Since controlling is wrapped up in pride, confession and repentance are critical to overcoming it. James 4:6 says, “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” I am continually praying for God’s grace and help in leaving my controlling heart behind to be replaced by a humble heart. The more I control, the more the help of the Lord Jesus, which I desperately need, is unavailable to me because of my pride.

As I grow in this area, I have recognized the importance of choosing to be quiet and serving my family rather than being their commander, especially when Steve is at home. As a mom, I still have responsibility for the children and authority over them when Steve is not around, but that can be accomplished without being a controller. For me, controlling versus not controlling usually comes down to my attitude. Controlling is evidenced when I am being selfish. Let’s say a child doesn’t do his chore. When I feel inconvenienced by this, I will respond with the controlling attitude—a critical spirit with negative tones in my voice. When I see the child’s failure as an opportunity to help him learn and grow, then my response is not controlling but is patient, encouraging, and gentle. That is the attitude I want to have in all my mothering tasks.

May I encourage us as wives and mothers to evaluate whether we have controlling tendencies. If so, is that what pleases the Lord Jesus? If not, are we willing to use the situations in which we feel a need to control as opportunities to trust the Lord and develop a meek and quiet spirit? My prayer is that we would choose to serve our families with gentle spirits, patient hearts, and quiet voices rather than with controlling attitudes, behaviors, or voices.

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Teaching Daughters to Sew

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One skill I want my daughters to take from home with them is the ability to sew. As it becomes more and more difficult to find modest clothing, sewing almost becomes a necessity. Whether or not they ever sew their own clothes, they will at least find they need to be able to mend.

Sarah, now twenty-four, makes all of our custom-made clothing. I didn’t teach her how to sew so that she would become the family seamstress. However, now she has time to sew, likes to sew, and is willing to do the sewing so that I can invest my time in other areas of the family. I think Sarah was thirteen or fourteen when she learned to sew. I scheduled a half hour in the school afternoon for her to sew while I was with her. I would check schoolwork or do another project that I could work on while still being available to direct her and answer questions as needed.

My qualifications as a sewing instructor were minimal. I took one year of home economics in high school. One semester of that class was sewing. We made a skirt and a blouse over the course of those weeks. While I remember loving the pattern we were using and picking out beautiful material, I don’t think I ever wore what I made. I learned the skills, though, to read a pattern and follow the directions. In addition, I have done some simple sewing through the years. It was never anything complicated or fancy, but instead easy and functional.

At the time Sarah began sewing, we were finding it more difficult to buy store-bought, modest clothes. Plus, with three girls in the family, I had begun to make matching outfits for the girls. This became a task Sarah picked up and has carried on for us. In our sewing experiences, we have tears, failures, ripping out, re-sewing, and occasionally the thought of never sewing again. However, we also have many outfits in each of the girls’ closets to show for our sewing efforts. Even Grandma and our daughter-in-law have benefited.

Anna, at age thirteen, has also begun to sew. When we started, she was anxious to learn, but before long she discovered that it wasn’t as easy as it looked. Soon when I asked her if she wanted to sew, she would say she didn’t and tell me what she was planning to do instead. After a few months of hit-and-miss sewing time, I realized we needed to make sewing a scheduled, weekly mother-daughter project. Steve asked her recently if she enjoyed her sewing, and her response was that she did.

With Sarah and Anna, I had no idea how to teach them to sew other than starting with a pattern for a simple jumper and working our way through it. While this might not be the best way, it has seemed to work for us. After about three projects with me sitting beside the daughter through her sewing time, she would move to more independent work. At that point, she would come to me with particular questions.
Mary, at age nine, also wanted to learn to sew. We were concerned about safety issues with a sewing machine, so we decided to start with hand-sewing projects. I ordered three hand-sewing kits – a pencil pouch, a glasses case, and a penny purse – from a company called SewKits (800-882-5487 – You can request a catalog.), which is owned by a homeschool family. The three projects were inexpensive, gave us all the materials we needed for the projects, and included directions for making them. The projects were almost identical, but they had different uses and provided good experience for Mary. By the time she was at the last project, Mary needed almost no help from me at all.

In researching where to go next with her sewing, I found a learn-to-sew book for girls written by a homeschool mom. The book is called Stitches & Pins, A Beginning Sewing Book for Girls. In the book, they start girls sewing on a machine at age seven. Each family must decide safety issues for their daughter’s use of a sewing machine, but the book gave us the confidence to let Mary try the machine at age nine. The book begins with information Sarah probably picked up through her sewing years but which I didn’t specifically teach, such as the names of the parts of the sewing machine. It has the girls practice stitching on paper before fabric. In addition, it has fourteen projects to make, each building on skills learned in previous projects. I was pleased with the projects in the book because they were practical ones. I had looked at another learn-to-sew book where the children made a collection of stuffed animals. That book did not lend itself to our goals.

Two afternoons a week, after school, Mary and I have our sewing time for just half an hour. Because it is in the schedule, it now happens and is no longer merely a good idea floating around in my head. She is happily learning basic sewing skills. With great excitement, she shows every family member what she has made and begins using it as well.

Mary’s first project was a pillowcase. It was challenging enough for her because of her age, and she needed enough help that we decided she should make some more pillowcases until she could do most of it on her own. She made a second pillowcase as a Christmas gift for a brother and a third one as a birthday present for another brother. She has one more practice pillowcase to make. Now she is taking a sewing detour because she wanted to make pockets for several of her jumpers so she can carry witnessing tracts with her when she is out.

I would encourage you to consider having sewing time with your daughters to teach them to sew. You might be surprised at how quickly they are able to take off, work on their own, and soon be making their own and perhaps siblings’ clothes as well. If you don’t know how to sew, I think you could learn alongside your daughter with the book I am using with Mary. One of the biggest keys is to get sewing time into the schedule. I believe sewing skills will be blessings to our girls’ throughout their lives and that it is worth the investment of my time. Could I encourage you to begin sewing with your daughters who are old enough to learn to sew?

What About Me? – Part 5

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It seemed a fitting conclusion to the Mom’s Corner series “What About Me?” would be to let you read a story from a mom who personally experienced both sides of the question we have been considering. If you haven’t read the other articles, please do so. This story was sent to me in response to one of the earlier “What About Me?” articles in this series. To understand the whole heart and intention of what this mom is sharing, it is important that you read those previous Corners as well.

Story from a Homeschool Mom:
I wanted to tell you a little story along the lines of that to which you have been referring in the Mom’s Corners–the worldly advice we get.

Several years ago, I had an e-mail conversation with one of my sisters-in-law. I was telling her something about what our family was up to–not complaining, just telling her my projects, the children’s stuff, and whatever home improvement project hubby was up to. I didn’t think anything unusual about what I “had on my plate.” Shortly thereafter, my sister-in-law e-mailed back with sympathy for my busy life and immediately dispensed her amateur psychological advice that I should really take time out for myself. As she said, “You need some me-time.”

I will admit that after her “words of wisdom” sank in for a day or so, I caught myself thinking about what she’d said and wondering: was she right? After all, she wasn’t the first one to tell me that I was one hard-working mama. Maybe I did “deserve” to have some time off from my rigorous lifestyle! I fondly remembered the days when I had “lots” of time to work on MY projects, when running an errand was a simple thing (no car seats and dawdling around for little legs to keep up), when mealtime didn’t involve coercion (“because xyz is good for you!”); when buying a candy bar at the checkout did not incite a riot, and I never gave a thought to its non-nutritious value! Oh, and the quiet evenings!

I got pulled into her philosophy. Why, I let myself get into a rather grumpy mental huff for a few days, and started wondering where I could go to do as my sister-in-law suggested and “get away” for some me-time. But wait! Get away? Why does the “world” think we simply MUST “get away” (go somewhere) in order to feel happy or feel rejuvenated? Why can’t we see that we can “get away” from the world in our own homes? Or that “getting away” can be completely UNnecessary when we see our families, their neediness of us (moms and wives), and our homes as a BLESSING!!! I’d never had a major “need” to get away from it all until my sister-in-law suggested I deserved some me-time.

I remember thinking, as you outlined in your very excellent newsletter, that there is NOTHING in Scripture that encourages us to desire to be selfish. On the other hand, there are EXCELLENT passages reminding us that whatever we do, we are to do it ALL to the glory of God. To tie this up, I’ll tell you: when you realize the BLESSING your family is–straight from God–you don’t get the feeling that you need some time to get away from them. A Homeschool Mom

In this “What About Me?” series, my heart has been to encourage moms who are pouring out their lives into their families. These moms have a calling with eternal purpose and benefits–loving and serving their husbands and children. Our families are the greatest blessings the Lord could possibly give to us. We, in turn, are blessed as we give our lives back to them. In the midst of the sometimes busyness and “dailyness” of life, though, moms can face discouragement, especially if they begin looking at themselves and wondering when they get to let go of responsibility and have some fun.

There are two main points I would like to make clear once again as we conclude this series. First, the problem is not “fun” itself, but rather a focus on it. When I begin to think that I “have to have” time for my own pursuits or that I “need” to get away for time alone, then I am likely to experience self-pity when I don’t get that fun or individual time. Jesus said I am to die to self, not fuel it. I am not saying that we will never have time for relaxation or ever be able to pursue something of personal interest to us, because we will. However, when that becomes my purpose in life and my daily goal, I am frustrated and unhappy.

The Lord Jesus knows the needs of my life even better than I know them myself. He graciously brings into my life what will meet those needs so that I don’t have to be focused on them or contriving how to get them met myself. For example, two summers ago, our adult daughter wanted to visit friends in Alaska. Because of the long flight, she asked for a family member to travel with her. After a family conference, I was the one chosen to accompany her. During our stay in Alaska, I often had several hours to myself most days–hours of quiet, Bible reading, prayer, and no responsibility. What a contrast from my normal life! I missed my family, but I relished every moment of this rest the Lord had given to me–a rest that came from Him, not one that I had demanded.

I don’t want to make any mom feel guilty for doing something she enjoys or having occasional times away from her children. That isn’t the heart cry of this series. The Lord can and does provide special pleasures in our lives that are exactly what we like to do and also what we would need. He gives them to us, and we can delight in them. I want, though, for my thoughts to be resting on His ability to take care of me rather than having a mindset that I deserve a particular amount of free time and fun or that I can’t function properly without it. With thoughts of self, I quickly become bitter and angry because what I think I need so often doesn’t happen.

The second point I would like to restate has to do with what I consider to be relaxing and enjoyable–what I do for “me time” when it is available. As I view my family to be a special blessing from the Lord, then more and more my desire is to be with them rather than away from them. I prefer to do something with a child or my husband rather than to do something by myself or with a friend. We use outings as times to be with our children. “Me” time becomes family time, by choice.

It is my prayer that as mothers we will be continually looking to our Lord Jesus Christ for the strength to sustain us through the tasks He has set before us each day. Rather than looking at our daily responsibilities as something to get through so we can move on to what we really want to do, may we delight in our mothering, schooling, and homemaking jobs. May we be content mothers with our thoughts on how we can be obedient to our Lord Jesus through loving and serving our families.

What About Me? – Part 4

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For the past three Mom’s Corners, we have been looking at the focus of a mother’s heart and investigating the question “What about me?” If you haven’t read these Mom’s Corners, please do so. These articles have generated some responses via e-mail that related personal experiences, had other thoughts, or shared Scripture which encouraged my heart. I asked several of these moms if I could pass their words on to you in the hope that they will be a blessing in your life as well. Please be sure to read the three articles that these notes refer to in order to fully understand the context from which they are sharing.

“If God has ordained us for this servanthood, surely He will provide the strength, ability, and rewards in so doing. Sounds like our whole life–not only six days of the week–belongs to service to Him! Thanks for your encouragement.” Mom A

“If I knew you, I would give you a huge hug. The words in your newsletter this month are so much truth that they hit the heart and convict the soul that knows Jesus. I am a truly blessed homeschool mom with an incredibly supportive hubby and two beautiful daughters, ages 9 and 10.

“I’m currently teaching a ladies’ Bible study on Titus and had a very, very similar experience just last night at church. A few women were going away for the weekend and asked me along. One in particular stressed how important it would be for that ‘me’ time. I graciously refused the need for anymore ‘me’ and praised the Lord for what I have been studying in Titus. I also praised Him for seeing the need and leading our women to this particular part of Scripture at this moment in time.

“Tears flowed late last night as I felt two things . . . sorrow for their deception . . . and joy for the blessing of being allowed a part in these women’s lives. This advice, so worldly, has crept into Christian circles in a huge way. I’m not sure I’m making total sense, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sticking to the truth and not perpetuating the lie that we need more ‘me’ time.

“Long ago personal experience taught me that if your motives are purely selfish, there is NEVER enough ‘me’ time, and when you come home, your frustration is larger, not smaller. It’s like drinking to forget your worries. Obviously, when you wake up, the problems are still there, AND you’re probably late on a payment!” Mom B

“Being a wife and mother is often hard work, and glorifying God quite often involves doing our very mundane and hard duties.” Mom C

“I came across a gem of a verse this morning in my alone time that will help me through trying times. I thought I’d share it with you. ‘My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever’ (Psalm 73:26).

“King David went through so much in his life–so much trouble and tragedy–but he found solace and strength in time alone with his God. So can we.

“And the Lord Jesus Himself, what about Him? Did He worry about His ‘free time’? He was spent over and over physically and ultimately on the cross. He was renewed by getting away from people to spend time with His Father.” Mom D

“Your articles really spoke to me. This has been a message that has taken me a long time to begin to grasp. I became a believer in Jesus Christ at 33, married at 34, and stayed at home with my children in my late 30’s. Needless to say I have had a lot of worldly ways to leave behind. But God is gracious and has sharpened me and changed me gently and sometimes, not so gently.

“This area of personal ‘needs’ is not a popular topic to address but is so very needed for mothers in our generation. I first became aware of this in learning that I must die to myself so that Christ may live wholly and freely in me. It is a continuing struggle for me as I try to be obedient to my Lord and Savior and die daily, moment by moment, to my flesh.

“Many Christian publications do not address this and continue to mislead us by trying to put a Christian face onto the message of the popular culture. I find that when ‘I want time for me,’ I am often sorely lacking in my time with Him. As you know, when our eyes are on ourselves, they can’t be on our Lord. When I am abiding in Him, my deep needs are truly met in sweet communion with Him. I look forward to the continuing series and your ministry to get His Word out to moms who struggle in this area. It is an important, unfortunately unpopular, viewpoint that we all need to hear and take to heart.” Mom E

“I agree that we should work hard, but many moms are working as if it all depended on them–as if the Lord was not there. These verses address that. ‘Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate’ (Psalm 127:1-5).” Mom F

“Thank you for consistently bringing us to the Lord!! I am like everyone else–ready to pity myself and not as eager to hear this but excited inside when I read it and think those thoughts. We are to run the race without being weary of doing good. However, we can’t do this with out Him and seeking Him daily.” Mom G

“Your article prompted me to again read Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 woman is praised for her hard work and self-sacrifice. The only verse dealing with her personally is 22, which reads, ‘She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.’ Even this is a benefit to others–her husband and children especially–for they are not ashamed of their wife’s/mom’s appearance.

“Thank you for pointing out that I can go from house to house while sitting in front of my computer. (Gulp–and the phone too, I guess?)” Mom H

As Christian mothers, we are called to obediently surrender to His direction for our lives. This direction will involve busy days spent serving our families. I pray that each of us may embrace this task with joy rather than focusing on ourselves. It is my hope that by hearing from the hearts of other moms who are learning to let go of their expectations concerning “me” time, you may be encouraged.

What About Me? – Part 3

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When others find out that I am a homeschooling mom, one of their first questions will be, “When do you get time for yourself?” As I have reflected on my answer, I realize how prone I am to accepting their judgments that my life is not fulfilled unless I have personal time to do what I want to do. It is easy to buy into the “what about me?” mentality because it is most certainly the bent of my flesh. Because of this, it has been necessary for me to go to Jesus with questions about my time, my focus, my energy, my expectations, and my needs. In this series of Mom’s Corners on hard work, I am sharing with you what the Lord has put on my heart concerning these issues.

“Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work” (1 Timothy 5:9-10). This sounds to me like a busy woman—one who has worked hard all of her life as she obediently followed Christ. There is no mention of anything she did for herself but only what she did in service to others that qualifies her for care from the church in widowhood. We see a picture of a woman, with her heart fully focused on the Lord, who spends her time in serving others.

Use of our time such as 1 Timothy 5:9-10 describes is of eternal value. This investment of our energy is where we are to find joy and fulfillment rather than in a quest for personal time, fun, or entertainment.

“But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully. For some are already turned aside after Satan” (1 Timothy 5:11-15).

In these verses, I believe we see the possible results of a self-focus in our lives as women: idleness, tattlers, and busybodies. Perhaps today we have a tendency to wander more from house to house via computers, but the idea still applies. These qualities are not held in esteem in these verses, but rather they are presenting a condemnation of this kind of selfishness and its outcome.

The direction, then, to keep from this kind of sin is to marry, bear children, and guide the house. In other words, the young widow is to be productive with her time in her own home. It sounds much like being a busy homeschool mom to me. Raising children and keeping house are encouraged as fruitful activities that cause Satan not to be able to speak reproachfully of us. My first priority is to be my family and my home. It is not to be getting time for my entertainment, hobbies, or fun.

My heart cry in these Mom’s Corners is to encourage each of us that the busyness of our lives, if it is spent in service to our family, is a good thing. It is what Jesus is calling us to do. If we are feeling overwhelmed, it may mean we need to go to the Lord and to our husbands to reevaluate priorities. Titus 2:4-5 makes it clear that our service begins in our homes, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). Too often, moms struggle not because of their daily work and homeschooling, but because of other responsibilities they have taken upon themselves.

Rather than the feelings and disappointment that go with not having quantities of leisure time, I would like to suggest that we embrace the workload we have with diligence, determination, and joy. We are told that everything we do we are to do as unto the Lord. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23). It is hard for me to justify time spent in personal pursuits as being done unto the Lord if there is still serving of my family to be done.

Again, I want to emphasize that I am not saying we will never be able to spend time doing what we would choose to do, that we will never be able to relax, or that we should ruin our health by continual overworking. Instead, I am encouraging an acceptance of the workload we have been given with a focus on Jesus and on serving. In the midst of this, the Lord will give opportunities for what we like to do, and He will bring physical rest. He gives rest to our souls when our hearts are turned to Him rather than to ourselves. When my focus is on me, there is never enough ease or entertainment. I think if we want contentment in the calling God has given to us, we must receive the work before us and look away from “what about me?”

The question looms before me as it is regularly repeated from well-meaning friends: “When do you get time for yourself?” My response depends on the focus of my heart. I can begrudge what Jesus has called me to do. I can resent the gobbling of time that homeschooling my children takes. I can resist the workload of my homemaking tasks. I can be disappointed if I don’t get time for my own fun or pleasures. On the other hand, I can be filled with delight that I am able to homeschool. I can view each minute I have with my children as an opportunity to turn their hearts to Jesus. I can rejoice over every act of service I am able to offer my husband and my children. I can say, “Lord, my time is Your time. Use it as You will,” trusting Him fully with my life.

What About Me? – Part 2

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Last month we began looking into what Scripture tells us about our workload, and attitude toward it, as mothers and particularly as homeschooling moms. Around us, we are often bombarded with a philosophy that says: Take care of yourself, make time for yourself, you deserve a break, don’t push too hard. Homeschooling moms find their lives filled to the brim, allowing little, if any, time left over for their personal interests or pursuits. This creates a conflict. We are told to take it easy, and yet there is so much to do. Is something wrong? What should our expectations of this be?

“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). In evaluating these verses, we see that Jesus tells us He will give us rest. He then goes on to define what this rest is: a rest for our souls. We find here that Jesus says His yoke is easy, and His burden is light, but it is still a yoke and a burden. The words “yoke” and “burden” imply work and effort. These verses don’t appear to be saying that we won’t have to do anything, but rather that the Lord Jesus is doing it with us. He is the One strengthening us for the task. He wants us yoked to Him for the work He has set before us. We aren’t to rely on ourselves to meet the demands placed upon us, but rather we are to depend on His resources. I believe that it is the rest of the soul—looking to Jesus—that makes the yoke easy and the burden light in the midst of the work.

“But which of you, having a servant plowing or feeding cattle, will say unto him by and by, when he is come from the field, Go and sit down to meat? And will not rather say unto him, Make ready wherewith I may sup, and gird thyself, and serve me, till I have eaten and drunken; and afterward thou shalt eat and drink? thank that servant because he did the things that were commanded him? I trow not. So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:7-10).

This story speaks volumes to my heart concerning my expectations about my personal workload. In these verses, I don’t see the master commending his servant and offering him a quiet evening with a warm bath and a refreshing drink for his diligent work all day. The world’s philosophy of work seems to be quite the opposite of what this example shows. From the world, I hear statements like, “You have worked hard; now you deserve to take a break. Take time for yourself. It’s your reward.”

In these verses from Luke 17, I feel the Lord showing me that He values service and obedience in my life. He wants my all. He is concerned about my heart completely following Him—no matter how much work is involved. I am only an “unprofitable servant” doing my duty in obedience to my Master, Jesus Christ. My reward comes from Him in the form of the fruit of the Spirit, a rest of soul, my relationship with Him and with my family, rather than in the form of amusement. My joy comes from serving my family, my greatest treasure, more than from having fun.

Again, please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying we won’t ever be able to rest from our labor. The Lord knows our needs, and He provides rest for us. It is likely He will give each person rest in different ways at different times. I encourage you to look for and be grateful for the rest the Lord has supplied in your days. For example, in my life one time of rest is our family Bible time. We spend about an hour in the Word every night. As we sit, while reading and discussing the Word, my spiritual soul is fed while my physical body rests.

Another example of rest comes from God resting on the seventh day after six days of creation. Then He told the Israelites to observe a Sabbath day each week, a day of worship and rest. Even at that, though, the Sabbath was not a day for a person to please himself. “If thou turn away thy foot from the sabbath, from doing thy pleasure on my holy day; and call the sabbath a delight, the holy of the LORD, honourable; and shalt honour him, not doing thine own ways, nor finding thine own pleasure, nor speaking thine own words: Then shalt thou delight thyself in the LORD; and I will cause thee to ride upon the high places of the earth, and feed thee with the heritage of Jacob thy father: for the mouth of the LORD hath spoken it” (Isaiah 58:13-14). Our family has a weekly day of worship and rest. On that day, my normal work is set aside, meals are simple, and there is no school, cleaning, or laundry done.

I am not telling us that we skip needed sleep to accomplish what the Lord has put in front of us. I deal specifically with sleep in this Mom’s Corner. What I am saying, though, is let’s expect that the Lord will use our obedience to Him to the fullest and that our lives will be filled with self-sacrifice and work. I am saying let’s consider whether our focus is to get through with our work so we can have time to ourselves or to “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2). I want to find my joy in what He has called me to do rather than directing my thoughts at when I can have fun.

I am also not saying we can’t do anything we enjoy. Instead I am asking that we consider our focus. Is our purpose to make it through the work so we can “play,” or is our purpose to love our families by serving them? My heart’s desire is that what I am doing as a homeschool mom and homemaker is what I enjoy doing the most—that it is what my heart craves doing.

In two places in the New Testament, Paul tells us not to grow weary in what the Lord Jesus has called us to do. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9). “But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing” (2 Thessalonians 3:13). Do you think that in these verses Paul is telling his readers to stop their “well doing”? No, I believe he is encouraging them to continue even though what they are doing can cause weariness and a desire to “faint,” or, in other words, quit. It appears to me, from these verses, that weariness is a choice on my part. It doesn’t have to do with my activities or lack of them, as long as the Lord has directed me to do them, but rather it relates to my thoughts about myself and what I am doing. I can choose to be weary and faint by thinking about me and a quest for my time. I can choose not to be weary and not to faint by thinking about the reason I work, the recipients of my work, the outcome of my work, and the One Who called me to work. I reap what I sow—weariness or joy.

“Whereunto I also labour, striving according to his working, which worketh in me mightily” (Colossians 1:29). Scripture has many verses that indicate a believer’s life is filled with work. This is one example. With the kind of labor and striving pictured here, I envision the verses in Matthew 11 about the yoke. When I am yoked with Christ, He is working in me and with me. It is not a labor and striving unto weariness, but rather it is one of might and victory.

As homeschooling moms, our days are filled with the duties of being a keeper at home plus teaching our children. I have to make a decision: do I want to serve myself, or do I want to serve Jesus by serving my family? When I serve myself, I grapple for free time and relaxation. When I serve Jesus, I commit to doing what He has called me to do, focusing on rest for my soul through my relationship with Him, but receiving rest for my body when He brings it to me. I believe as we view our mothering roles as being ones that involve work and have the right attitudes toward this, we will be happy. “Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them” (John 13:13-17).

What About Me? – Part 1

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Here is a portion of an e-mail I recently received:

“I am a homeschooling mother (31) of five children (ages 13 years, 12 years, 10 years, 6 years, and 21 months) and a pastor’s wife. I can never sit down at the end of the day, have an accomplished feeling, and say ’My job is done for the day.’ I feel so burdened and pulled from so many directions. My house is pretty organized. My children have chores. They are very good kids, and we have many compliments on them. People seem to just adore our family, yet I feel so?!? I do love my family and would not trade it for the world. It just seems so hard keeping up all the time. When I turn my attention toward one thing, another is lacking; children, husband, housework, church, ladies meetings . . . How about just relaxing or fun??? What’s that? It’s like there is not enough of me to get it all done. I am not a lazy person. I work too hard, wear down, and get frustrated. It’s like a cycle.” A tired homeschool mom (used by permission)

This is a typical e-mail for me to find in my inbox. It forthrightly and honestly speaks of the reality of a homeschooling lifestyle. I can personally relate to this mom’s thoughts and feelings because I have had to deal with them myself. Because of these struggles, I have taken my questions to the Lord to seek His truth. I wanted to understand what He says about this rather than what others—even homeschool moms—might say.

Through my over twenty years of homeschooling, I find a propensity within homeschool circles, when faced with the issues this mom raises, to give advice along the lines of: slow down, find an easier curriculum, do less school, go easy on yourself, don’t expect too much of yourself or the children, take a break, and get housekeeping help. Any of these might be the solution to this mom’s problems. However, I have discovered a difficult, but exciting, truth in my study of Scripture as it relates to being a homeschool mom. This Scriptural direction does not endorse the same counsel that we tend to like to give each other; I, too, am quite prone to want to give encouragement in the direction of easing up. Instead, the Word takes a consistently strong stand on what I have come to see is, plainly and simply, hard work.

During my Bible reading time, I went through the New Testament with an eye for verses that applied to what our expectations as homeschooling moms should be considering the workload we face. How much work should we have to do? Can I expect to have personal time to do what I want to do? What about taking care of me? What does Scripture have to say that would apply to these types of questions?

As I made my study, I looked for verses that indicated I was entitled to fun, entertainment, relaxation, or some kind of focus on me. I wouldn’t have minded finding some Biblical admonition for this propensity of my flesh. I have to admit I was disappointed, but not surprised, not to be able to discover any verses that applied. I found many verses that had to do with being a servant, dying to self, and taking up my cross. However, I didn’t find one verse that mentioned or even alluded to fun, entertainment, or relaxation.

Verses I felt applied to having time for myself were ones that dealt with spiritual growth, such as, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). Or, “But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever” (2 Peter 3:18). From these kinds of verses I could glean the importance of having time set aside in my day to spend with the Lord, reading the Word, praying, and memorizing Scripture. This wasn’t specifically stated, but rather it was implied because of the outcome to be gained. Time for Teri was to be spent allowing the Lord Jesus to spiritually teach, grow, and nurture me. I couldn’t find where it was to be selfishly spent doing what I wanted to do.

I am not saying that as homeschool moms we can never do something we enjoy for ourselves or that we can never relax. What I am trying to convey is that in Scripture we find a different picture than the world gives us of our role as mothers and our workload. The world’s view of work, almost any kind of work, is that it is to be accomplished as quickly as possible so that we are free to pursue our personal pleasures. That kind of pleasure is all the world has for which to live. When my expectations become set on having to have time for my own entertainment, I find myself grappling for what doesn’t satisfy and disappointed in the process. My focus becomes myself, easily filled with self-pity in what I might be missing and dissatisfaction with what I am accomplishing, much like the e-mail you just read in the beginning of this Mom’s Corner.

The Lord Jesus is telling me through His Word that my focus is not to be on how to get time for fun. Instead it is to be on Himself. John 15 tells me that I am to abide in Him, and He in me. When my thoughts are on Him, then my heart wants to be obedient more than it wants to serve self and be free of its workload. In the midst of that obedience comes the hard work associated with serving others, giving of my time and energy, and actually dying to self. However, with that sacrifice come the joy and contentment Paul talks about in Philippians 4.

In the next months, I want to continue looking into the workload of a homeschooling mom and our expectations. I plan to share particular verses that helped me deal with my thoughts and attitudes about this. May we each be a mom who chooses to obediently follow Jesus Christ, having a servant’s heart, without listening to the lies of the world.

Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit has been an encouragement to many moms (even non homeschoolers) as they seek to have the spirit that God desires us to exhibit. I share from many years of experience and what the Lord has taught me and is continuing to teach me. An accompanying study guide is also available. Quite a few ladies are using the book and guide as a group study.

Children’s Chores

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Children and chores. I wonder if there is any more difficult area of raising children to tackle than this one. In the chore survey we sent out with the June Corners, we gathered a huge quantity of information about chores. In a nutshell, from the questions we asked, here is a summary. Most moms weren’t prepared, while growing up, to be homemakers. Consequently, they have struggled–some greatly–with taking care of their families and homes. A handful of the respondents were prepared. Those who were prepared attribute it to having to do chores when they were children.

Chores Are Beneficial to Children

Every one of the over 250 survey respondents believed that chores were beneficial for the children and the family. The list of reasons why chores are good was long and varied. Some of the benefits were current for the child, the family, and the home. Many of the benefits would be realized and enjoyed throughout the adult years of the child’s life.

From the survey, the biggest difficulty with chores was first working with children–having to remind them, their negative attitudes, and their poor work. The second major problem was Mom’s lack of consistency–in developing a chore plan, in scheduling time for chores, in checking the work that was done, and in giving consequences for a bad job and rewards for good work.

The chore poll confirmed what we already knew: that chores are important in our children’s lives, and chores need to be made a priority in our homes. In our culture, with its “let children be children” philosophy, it is easy to believe we are doing our children a disservice by expecting them to have responsibility as they are growing up. In reality, the opposite is true. If we choose not to give our children chores and teach them to accomplish them well, we are handicapping our children for their futures as adults. There are a multitude of long-term benefits our children will realize from the disciplines and skills they will develop as a result of chore responsibilities.

Chore Consistency

At one point, Steve and I realized our struggles with many unsuccessful years of chores had come because we wanted our children to be responsible for their chores, but we hadn’t made it the priority it needed to be to ensure that it happened. As is so often true of anything good we want to accomplish in our children’s lives, it comes back to Mom. If I don’t have an accepting attitude toward my work, the children won’t toward theirs. If I don’t assign the children chores, they won’t do any. If I don’t schedule a time for them to do chores, they will forget all day. If I don’t check their work, they will do it sloppily, if at all. If I don’t give consequences, they won’t be motivated to improve their chore performance.

To be honest, I would like it if so much didn’t depend on me. At the same time, I know the Lord uses all of this not only in my children’s lives, but also in my life. I am told in Galatians 6:9, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Even if this part of motherhood is difficult, I am not to give up. I am not to grow weary.

I have to admit I have wanted to give up–more than once! I can remember telling Steve that perhaps I could let the children grow up but keep their bedroom doors closed and never go in. I would ignore the fact that they weren’t doing what they had been assigned to do in their rooms. Eventually they would be adults. It would no longer be my responsibility as to whether they picked up their bedrooms or didn’t. Even while speaking those words, I knew this was not an option the Lord was putting before me. He had told me in Titus 2:4 to love my children. Part of loving them was the necessity of teaching them to be responsible.

This area of children and chores is vitally important. As we have studied chores and their impact on children’s lives and then on them as adults, we have come to see that chores are as critical as homeschooling is. It is as essential a part of their education as their book work. Being aware of the benefits of chores is a major part of the necessary motivation to make the daily decisions that will foster chore success.

My encouragement to you is to make chores a priority for your children. Consider chores as much a part of your child’s education as his math book is. When you view chores in this light, you will be motivated to invest the time and energy needed to be successful with chores. After all, it does mostly fall back on us moms. Will we women, who seek the best for our children, hold them responsible to do their chores?

We now have available a book with a ChorePack Kit all about chores and helping you make your chore system: Managers of Their Chores: A Practical Guide to Children's Chores.

Benefits of Summer Scheduling

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One of the main cries of my heart to homeschooling moms is to encourage them to use a daily schedule. Scheduling is at the heart and soul of what has made our home and homeschool successful. I find I have to proclaim the joys of scheduling from the rooftops from time to time, especially after having regular e-mails from struggling homeschooling moms.

With the freedom from school hours that summer brings for many homeschool families comes the ability to fit in many new activities, projects, and tasks. What I have also discovered comes with my summer release from school responsibility is a propensity to laziness and self-focus. Those looked-forward-to free hours fritter away day by day, week by week. When school starts again, I look back on my summer with a heart filled with regrets and if only’s.

The solution the Lord has given me is to use my schedule to help productively use my summer hours and my children’s. I still have freedom from the school responsibility and hours. However, I will accomplish all those tasks and goals that I anticipated through the school year. I can pray about my summer schedule, seeking the Lord’s guidance for priorities. Then I discuss the schedule possibilities with my husband to get his direction for how my summer should be spent plus what we want the children to do with their time.

Two years ago, I wrote a Mom’s Corner on summer schedules. I am not going to repeat that information, but I would encourage you to read that article. I also suggest you read this Mom’s Corner about children and chores during the summer.

I wanted to give you some other thoughts regarding summer schedules from those who have begun implementing this idea in their homes. These suggestions from other homeschooling moms will give you motivation for your summer scheduling, plus some great ideas.

From: Mom A
There have been only a few summers in our past that we did not do school. The summers that we took a real “break” were freeing, BUT the short-lived freedom was not worth it in the long run.

It may have been glorious at the moment, but …

1) it took us FOREVER to get back into the swing of things once we did begin.
2) one of my children seemed to forget every item learned the previous year, which meant a LOT of review when we began.
3) the first day we started, I felt behind already!
4) the mind is a great thing to waste; no school meant more TV when it was too hot to play outside.
5) without a focus or a sense of accomplishing something, we were floating around aimlessly.
6) due to the mental laziness, NOTHING got done that year.
7) I spent more money that summer due to being out and about so much, which caused guilt on my part of not being a frugal helpmeet, and then the guilt snowballed into a fear of turning into the worst wife in the world.
8) we ate a lot of fast food since I was too lethargic from all my remorse to cook consistently.

IT WAS A TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE TO NOT DO SOME SCHOOL DURING THE SUMMER! I’m sure that you gathered this already! I have our summer schedule for this year already written out and discussed with my children!!

From: Mom B
We schedule gardening in 30 minutes segments. One in the morning after the daily housework is done, about 9:30, and one right after quiet time, at 3:30. We usually start school at 10:00 if we are doing school, and if we are on summer break they do just handwriting or copy work, nature journals and arts and crafts kind of things. They usually play from 11:15 to 12:30 before lunch, and 4:30 to 6:00 before supper.

My children like it when I read to them after lunch and again before bedtime. If I were going to include learning a language, it would probably be in the afternoon as part of their quiet time, maybe using a computer program or tapes. This would be after they had some quiet reading time in their own room.

From: Mom C
To homeschool to enjoy the summer, I use the same exact principles as I do for a “regular” schedule. I decide when and how long to “school,” then I am done. I decide when and how long to garden, etc. I give what I want to do a slot, and I faithfully do what I scheduled. Then by the summer’s end, I will feel as if I have accomplished what I really wanted to, instead of feeling as if the time was wasted. I LOVE having a summer schedule in place. It really can be a time to accomplish a lot. Our reading quiet times are before bed and before baby’s naptime.

From: Mom D
We have a summer schedule with chores, Bible reading (God doesn’t take the summer off), and an hour or more of school. Usually everyone does math, and then the children work in whatever subjects they are poor in. For some, that may be just practicing their reading. For others, they have to repeat a course they did poorly in. We spend 60 minutes per day in the garden, usually early in the day. I leave the afternoons unscheduled. We still do weekly projects, but they are usually outside work. We keep the school-year rules of only 30 minutes of computer per day, which they have to earn by doing a typing lesson first and not scoring below a set level of words/errors per minute.

Buy board games, and provide arts and crafts supplies. At our home if the children say, “I’m bored” or something equivalent, they get a job from the project list. If they act like they are at loose ends, I suggest something fun or creative. The suggestion MUST be taken and usually after the first few minutes, they get into it and enjoy themselves. This has taught them all to be productive and not to mope around or Mom finds them something to do.

From: Mom E
We do school in the summer but only the things we think the children need extra work in, like handwriting, or things they really enjoy, like reading. We also do math facts practice so they don’t forget it over the summer. All of that probably takes about 20 minutes. We are doing our state history this summer just to prevent the day being too long during the regular year. We also do Bible every day whether we do school or not. Each person also has time for individual time in the Word each day.

I’m filling up our schedule with things like gardening, project time, playing outside, computer time, educational games, time with each parent, time with each other (we have 2 children) and time spent playing alone. We recently discovered that our eleven-year-old couldn’t play alone. He is the younger of the two and had never had to play by himself. He had no idea what to do, so we added alone time each day to his schedule so he can learn to play or work on his own.

Once we add in daily and weekly chore times and piano practice, our schedule is pretty full. Of course, we do have meal times, family time, and family devotions each day as well.

From: Mom F
We plan on having our regular morning routine this summer, which includes: Wake, dress, groom, daily chores, breakfast, and cleanup. Then we will have our Bible time and an hour of “school.” We are going to do reading, educational games, and math drills. I plan on having the older children help me with the younger ones for activities such as listening to them read and playing games with them. After this time, they will get outside time until lunch. After lunch, we will have rest and reading time, and then I plan to have a project time. They will get free time again until supper.

Do you see how these moms are using their schedules to make sure they are having productive summers? I love the change of pace our summer months provide. However, I dislike looking back on those weeks and feeling they were wasted. A schedule gives us freedom: freedom to accomplish what the Lord wants me and my children to do with those summer hours. From reading about how these other moms are using their summer schedules, I believe you will glean ideas for your own schedule. I encourage you to make a summer schedule. If you need help with how to schedule, the Managers of Their Homes book is a how-to primer on scheduling for homeschool families, including a chapter on summer scheduling. Use your summer schedule to be profitable with your summer days. Look back on those weeks with no regrets.

A Voice for Homeschool Christian Textbooks

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I read your article in the Mom’s Corner on using Christian textbooks in the homeschool.

I deeply appreciate you writing that. I’m always reading articles that balk at using textbooks in the homeschool with the idea that children don’t really learn.

Well, I fell prey to that and have tried many different curriculums, unit studies, you name it. But, I typically wasn’t able to get it all together like I should have. When I did, my children didn’t respond well to it. So, all my hard work in searching for something “fun” and putting it all together myself was in vain. I have tried so many different things and wish I had stayed with the traditional Christian textbooks since I just keep coming back to them anyway.

After thousands of dollars spent on trying different methods and curriculums, I’m back to Christian texts, where I plan on staying! 🙂 I wish I knew then when I started homeschooling what I know now . . . I’d have saved a lot of money and wasted time. A homeschool mom

We hear few voices in the homeschooling community supporting, encouraging, or defending the use of traditional, Christian textbooks. I wrote a Mom’s Corner two years ago about our experiences through years of homeschooling with various curricula. I was overwhelmed with the gratitude that was expressed by moms who had felt guilty for using textbooks in their homeschooling because there is little, if any, endorsement for their choice. As in the earlier Corner on this topic, this article is for those using traditional Christian textbooks or for those who are dissatisfied with the homeschool method they are using. For others, this Corner doesn’t apply to you, and we would suggest you not read it. We don’t want this article to discourage anyone in the way that anti-textbook articles often discourage a textbook-using homeschool mom.

It is common to pick up a homeschooling book or magazine to discover it is speaking negatively about the use of textbooks. We are told we are creating a “school-at-home” atmosphere by using books, something they say no homeschooler should do. In the chapter or article, homeschoolers will be encouraged to make their schools fun and enticing so their children will enjoy learning. They are told that their children will naturally want to learn if the schooling is directed toward the areas of the child’s interest. We hear about the importance of reading whole books to our children rather than textbooks. All of this appeals to our motherly desire for our children to be happy. In the process, though, it often, perhaps inadvertently, puts a great burden of guilt on a mom who doesn’t choose to homeschool like this.

Homeschool Textbooks Prepare Children for Life

Steve and I have realized that we have a different philosophy for our homeschool than many of these other homeschool authors apparently have. We want our homeschool to be a vehicle to prepare our children for life. This life that we envision for our children when they are adults will entail diligence and perseverance. As adults, they will often be called upon to learn something that isn’t particularly interesting to them. Even if something they learn catches their attention, the educational aspect of the topic will most likely not be exciting or enticing.

Our Christian textbooks are the perfect tools for achieving our goal of preparing children for their adult lives. There will be parts of the textbooks that appeal to the children and parts that they dislike. The children will catch on to some of their textbook work quickly and easily, while other sections will be difficult and tedious. We want our children to be able to learn under all these circumstances because this is exactly what they will face as adults in a grown-up world.

Using a traditional Christian textbook approach to homeschool allows our schooling to be consistent. I have received many e-mails from homeschooling moms who use other homeschool methods and are always pushing harder and harder to make school fun and exciting. When Mom’s energy level falls, she feels like a failure because she isn’t able to supply the enticement that makes the children love what they are doing. She wears herself out gathering information, supplies, planning her studies, and looking for better materials to help her keep school such that her children will be delighted with it. In this scenario, because Mom is often exhausted and discouraged, school regularly ends up being skipped, with the children playing, while Mom feels guilty and retreats to other less demanding tasks.

With the textbooks we use, we simply move through them day by day, making slow and steady progress. I don’t have to make continual trips to the library and other places for fresh school supplies. I can focus my energy on our actual schooling because we are at home. School doesn’t depend on whether or not I have had time to plan for it. We just do whatever comes next in the book. I am not required to come up with creative presentations to keep the children interested enough in their school that they are willing to do whatever Mom has for them to do. We just do school every day.

School is Consistent with Homeschool Textbooks

We have found great accountability for our homeschool in traditional Christian textbooks. Without this accountability, it is easy to skip school for almost any reason that comes along. However, we want to finish our school books by the end of our school year or even before, so we count the cost of missing a school day. With our textbooks, even on days that I need to be away for one reason or another, the children can still accomplish the majority, if not all, of their school work. They know what to do, we have been doing it consistently, and they can do it on their own.

Traditional Christian textbooks have given our children a strong education. This is partly due to the regularity of our schooling and partly due to the textbooks themselves. Because textbooks present their material in a structured, repetitive manner, the children are receiving an excellent education. It has appeared to us that often there are “holes” in other homeschooling methods. We used unit studies for almost ten years of our homeschooling. Our older children have repeatedly told us that they believe their younger siblings have a better-quality education than they had, although we diligently covered all of the material suggested.

Even using Christian textbooks, we are cautious of the influences they will present in our children’s lives and look for the right texts for our family’s needs and the direction the Lord has set for us. For example, our children have chosen not to have dating relationships. One Christian high school level English book had a dating theme, so we eliminated it for our family. We prefer to spend our time in Bible reading and ministering to others rather than in sports. Therefore, we don’t want a major sports theme in the children’s school books, although we have found this hard to avoid altogether. We have seen worldly and silly selections in some Christian reading and literature courses. We have instead chosen the reading courses without those focuses.

Our Christian textbooks have helped us fulfill our goal of keeping our children innocent regarding evil. We don’t want to introduce them to false religions through their school studies. “Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou enquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise” (Deuteronomy 12:30). “. . . I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil” (Romans 16:19). Many homeschooling materials will study false beliefs in depth with the idea that the parents are to point out what is wrong with them. We see Scripture telling us that we are not to learn about them at all. Christian textbooks will give some general information about false religions in history books, but we have found it is easy to edit, with white-out, what is unacceptable for the children to know at their age. We feel it is appropriate for them to read that the Egyptians worshipped false gods but not that they know names and details of those religious practices.

Managing Homeschool Textbooks

Despite using Christian textbooks, I still need to invest time in our homeschool. I spend several hours a day meeting with each child individually-from a half hour to an hour per child-going over their schoolwork. We will read the math lesson together and work the new practice problems. We read the English lesson and make sure that the assignment is understood. Anything the child needs help with or that I want to make sure he understands, I go over with him during that time. In the afternoon, I have time set aside to check the children’s school work. For five children, this takes me a total of about an hour to an hour and a half. I also spend time during the summer dividing up our textbooks and making assignment sheets to be sure we complete our books within the number of weeks we will be doing school.

When I was brave enough to realize that I didn’t agree with so much of the writing and talk in the homeschool movement about what was a good way to homeschool, I discovered the joys of homeschooling with Christian textbooks. My hope for this Mom’s Corner is to support those who have chosen a traditional, Christian textbook approach to homeschooling. I would also like to recommend this homeschooling method to moms who are dissatisfied with what they are doing for their school. We love our textbooks, and they are accomplishing our educational goals for our children.

Since this article was written, we now have a book titled Managers of Their Schools: A Practical Guide to Homeschooling. The book is full of practical information about the nuts and bolts of homeschooling, along with a chapter written by our four oldest children.