Category Archives: Marriage

The Worst Idea

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It is common today for Christian men to want an accountability partner to help them improve in some area(s). They look for someone they trust and who will tell them “like it is.” Beyond improvement, some might want an accountability partner to help in conquering a sin that holds them in bondage. They see accountability as the key to killing a hidden sin. Given the right goals and people involved, accountability  can be a good thing, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

However, I’m encouraging you to NEVER ask your wife to be an accountability partner. She is your helpmeet so that might make it seem like an accountability partner would be acting as a helpmeet. “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18.) But she is also to submit to you. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). In an accountability role, that person is to critically watch and evaluate you so as to confront and challenge you as needed. That is not submission. It is authority and control. Better to find a strong brother in Christ whom you are willing to put in that role in your life rather than turning biblical, god given roles upside down. 

The worst of the worst is when a dad struggling with lust and/or p**n asks his wife to hold him accountable. That information from husband to wife has got to be the supreme injury to a wife’s heart – a terrible burden for her to bear. It is almost guaranteed to put jealousy/distrust in her from then on. Dad must deal with it, but to heap that on his wife, is a tortuous shredding of her heart. Brothers, go to your pastor, elder, or someone like that, locally, who can get in your face. Be determined to have victory, but don’t go to your wife. That is a guaranteed train wreck.

“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16).

Good Idea

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The reasons to purchase the trees sounded good: fast growth, good shade, and relatively inexpensive, and they all proved to be true. However, what wasn’t discussed was the fruit they produced. Over the years those fast-growing trees yielded VAST amounts of sweet gum balls, walnut-sized seeds covered with prickly spikes. Once fallen and dried on the ground, pity the poor barefoot person, or child who slipped and fell on them. 

Most people don’t make bad decisions on purpose. They have good reasons for their choices. However, considering the resulting fruit of a decision is so wise. Many parents wanting happy, quiet children (“good reasons”) then reap horrible fruit in the coming years. Then, the children are addicted to being entertained with movies, video games, bad friends or evil books (such as Henry P). Dads and moms tired after a full day, might want to watch a movie, or just relax instead of time with the children and family Bible time.

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:15-20).

Poor decisions are not going to produce good fruit in lives (unless maybe to learn never to do that again). Oh, my Brothers, always consider the longterm fruit of each decision, will it edify and draw one closer to the Lord or the world?

Shrink or Grow

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This is the age of an obesity pandemic. I understand. I love to eat tasty things. It is a war that I’m determined to fight. Have you noticed how skilled we are at excuses that allow for partaking of things usually harmful for us. As we have touched on, God’s Word is nourishing for our souls and is needful daily for growth. Yet how the excuses poor forth for why it can’t/won’t happen. However, once the habit is set, it takes little effort to sustain it. It is not too late to begin your read through the Bible this year. 

One dad wrote after the last Seriously. Joseph said, “My wife and I are currently on a 4 month reading schedule. Reading larger portions helps the whole to stick together better. We are nourished by full bites rather than by crumbs.” That might take 40-60 minutes a day depending on your reading speed. However, I’m confident that for the average family to set aside 20 to 30 minutes a day for a one year reading plan is very doable. The rewards in the parents lives are high and even higher for the children. 

Printable plans are available on the internet. Many churches will offer them to their members and lastly you could target 4 chapters a day, 3 if long ones and that should work for you. 

“But grow in grace, and in the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him be glory both now and for ever. Amen” (2 Peter 3:18).

If you would like to but are struggling in some way, and I can encourage you personally, write me back. 

A Grateful or Murmuring Woman?

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I want to be more thankful. It is easy for my thoughts to be stuck on problems, difficulties, unhappiness, or inconveniences rather than turning those into opportunities for gratitude. When my back hurts, rather than feel sorry for myself, a thankful heart is grateful for all I can do despite chronic back pain. When the day seems extra busy, rather than stress about it, a thankful heart praises God for each thing He sets before me to do. When a family member disappoints me, a thankful heart praises God for that loved one rather than allowing bitterness to creep in.

A thankful heart focuses on the positive and all that God is, does, and gives in our lives while an ungrateful one complains, seeing the negative. A thankful heart puts our minds on things above while ingratitude keeps them on ourselves and often grumbles in the process. 

Consider the following two verses:

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer. 1 Corinthians 10:10

What do you see in the verses? There appears to be a huge contrast between thanksgiving and being in the will of God versus murmuring, the opposite of thanksgiving, that leads to destruction. Who do you want to be? I sure know the one I choose. Don’t we as Christian women desire God’s will in our lives? He tells us to give thanks in every thing. On the other hand, we can be complainers, and those who chose that in the Old Testament account were destroyed. 

Then there is a convicting and concerning verse in Romans about being thankful. It goes like this: “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened” (Romans 1:21). 

Dear Sisters, I believe this is serious, very serious, and I rebuke myself with it as well. We know God, so we must glorify Him as God – continually – and be thankful. When we aren’t thankful, we are complaining against the God of the Universe, and the One Who allows us to call Him, Abba Father. It is pride that takes us down that bad murmuring path, and the outcome is disastrous.

We don’t think of it in those terms, though. We justify and excuse our ingratitude and complaints, if we even consider that we don’t have a thankful heart and should. Maybe we think the complaint is just expressing truth and the way things are. We might deceive ourselves by saying the complaint is not a big deal and doesn’t really matter after all. Or we could say we aren’t ungrateful or complaining, but we are just pointing out areas that need to change (and that could be true and needed sometimes).  

Not only does gratitude keep our thoughts in the right place, but it makes us more pleasant people to live with. You may not even be aware of how depressing negativism is, with lack of thankfulness, to those around it. Don’t you want to bring smiles to your family? 

As we enter a month where we have a national holiday dedicated to thanksgiving, may we as believers be reminded again of the importance of thanksgiving every moment of every day. Challenge yourself to have grateful thoughts in your mind and when ingratitude enters, ask the Lord to help you turn it around.

Here are just a few more verses to help us keep this in the forefront of our minds.

“Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” ( Ephesians 5:20).

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6).

“Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with thanksgiving” (Colossians 4:2).

Trusting Jesus,
Teri Maxwell 

It’s a Keeper

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An expression Grandad would use of something he valued was, “It’s a Keeper.”  In this day of everything being considered disposable, to have something that is valued enough to keep is rare. Even though “a Keeper” was normally something material, relationships would fall under this topic as well. Relationships are also considered disposable these days and in particular marriage. What a heartbreak when a marriage is torn apart. People think it will be so much easier with someone else. 

If you are struggling, brother, fix it in a way God would honor. 

“Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously” (Malachi 2:14-16).

Did you catch that? GOD HATES DIVORCE! If nothing else, let fear of God be the motivator to fix it. A good marriage is to be treasured because it is of a gift of God. 

Make it a Keeper!

“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:28).

Difficult to Change a Trajectory

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We are all dying – we just don’t know when. If you were to die tomorrow, would you finish well? If we haven’t been living well for the Lord up to the point of dying, we can’t finish well. 

Is the world crucified to you, or is it the source of your entertainment and joy (of course nothing you would consider sinful)? “But God forbid that I should glory, save in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom the world is crucified unto me, and I unto the world” (1 Galatians 6:14-15).

Are you seeking and sharing with the lost? “Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God” (2 Corinthians 5:20 ).

Are you living to please the One Who died for you? “Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him” (2 Corinthians 5:9). “For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

What’s the Goal?

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Marriage—what an amazing gift God gave us. It is complex, yet simple, providing manifold opportunities for grace and growth. It’s funny how every marriage is different, yet similar. Following God’s design, most wedding ceremonies include vows. Often part of the wife’s vow is to follow or obey her husband with wording based on Ephesians 5:22,23.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” 

Now consider if you had a submissive wife who made her day-to-day decisions in your marriage with the main criteria of not making you angry. When she made a decision, if you were not angry, she was happy that she made a good decision. 

However, what if her desire was simply to please you because of her love for you? Sounds like a wonderful way to live doesn’t it? Now compare that to your life in Christ. Do you make choices so as to avoid sin (making God angry) or that you might please your Savior? I’m saddened that with so many of the believers I know, the appearance is that they make choices simply to avoid sin, not to please Him. May I encourage you that your motive to please Jesus is much better than the motive to avoid causing anger. Oh how sweet the relationship becomes. 

“And whatsoever we ask, we receive of him, because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing in his sight” (1 John 3:21-22).

It’s That Time Again

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Flags are flying. Yards signs are out. There is a buzz in the air. Everyone is talking about it. “Did you see the game? Wasn’t it incredible?” FootBaal season has begun. Life once again has something that makes it worth living for many (most?) men and boys. Some churches don’t even have Sunday night services anymore because the men don’t come during football season and certainly not on Super Bowl Sunday. 

Is it the excitement in watching men trying to crush each other, or perhaps the sensuously clothed cheerleaders wiggling their bodies? Or maybe it is the dazzling beer commercials? (There is a reason why breweries spend millions of dollars a year advertising their products – it works!) Or maybe men grew up watching football for hours on end with their dads, and now that is equated with real manhood. Whatever it is, men are, dare I say, addicted to something that steals countless hours from God’s kingdom. (Jesus owns us.)

“Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot” (1 Peter 1:18-19). 

Do Christian men have nothing that would be pleasing to the Lord that is a better use of their time? The world gives you thrills and excitement, but things of the Lord yield eternal fruit and joy that comes with a very different kind of excitement. “Little children, keep yourselves from idols. Amen” (1 John 5:21).

“I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage. Thou shalt have none other gods before me” (Deuteronomy 5:6-7).

If you aren’t convinced, another question. Would you invite Jesus to sit down with you and watch a game? I hope each would say, “NO, I COULDN’T DO THAT.” However, if He did sit with you, I believe the Lord would weep.

Examine the fruit from footBaal. Does it draw you closer to your Lord and the fruit of the Spirit. Or might it actually be feeding your flesh? Is it building up your family in the Lord or casting stumbling blocks for your children? Read Matthew 18:6 carefully.

P.S. If footBaal is a passion of yours, and you still cling to it and think it would be good for me to embrace as well, please write and convince me. 

Words are Cheap

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There is a common saying: “Words are cheap.” Likely we are all guilty of saying something that sounds good but has no heart-backing and certainly no follow-thru in actions. How often do you tell your wife that you love her? Do your attitudes and actions sound a loud “Amen”? How much does she really mean to you, and how grateful are you that God brought her for your helpmeet? 

If you are a dad then she is (normally) the mom. Do you desire that your children learn to love and honor her as their mother? Oh, my brothers, demonstrate it. A woman who will invest her life in raising children is worthy of praise, but a mom who will homeschool them is worthy of love and honor many times over. Sadly, many moms don’t even get the words.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). When we do, hopefully our children will follow. Look at the blessing they receive in so doing. 

“Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” (Deuteronomy 5:16).

Mom’s Corner Novemeber 2023 – To Fret or Be Thankful

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Feelings of disappointment flooded me, as I came out of my visit with a second podiatrist for help with a heel malady that hasn’t resolved itself since beginning earlier this year. Even though I liked and interacted with this podiatrist better than the previous one, the appointment hadn’t met my expectations. I expressed those thoughts to Steve and then dwelt on them in my mind.

Steve encouraged me that Scripture (Psalm 37:8) says that fretting doesn’t lead to good outcomes. It is true. Through my reactions and thoughts, I was fretting and that was making me discouraged, glum, and unhappy. Not the emotions I wanted to carry through the day.

In a recent morning Bible time, I read, “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name” (Hebrews 13:15 ) and was pondering using it as the theme for a November Mom’s Corner, since this is Thanksgiving month. I hadn’t planned to be a poor example of it, though!

I have two verses memorized that also directed me with what to do rather than fret, “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). And then there was this one, “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Ephesians 5:20).

There are key words and phrases from these three verses that give us critical information for the path of thanksgiving:

  • sacrifice
  • praise to God/unto God
  • continually
  • thanks to His name, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ
  • in every thing
  • will of God
  • always for all things

Why would thanking God be a sacrifice? Could it be because our flesh wants to do exactly what I did – dwell on the negative, allow disappointment to direct my thoughts, and fret? So to combat the flesh, we are to make the sacrifice of praising God. That is even defined in Hebrews 13:15 as our lips – speak it out loud – giving thanks to His name, continually. We choose to worship Him in thanksgiving rather than worshipping self in self pity.

Next we learn how often this thanksgiving is to happen – continually, in everything, always, and for all things. That is quite inclusive. It doesn’t give room for worry, fretting, complaining, or negativism. Thanksgiving and negative emotions don’t coexist well. Sometimes it is easy for us to forget that mindset of continual thanksgiving and to move into critical words and thoughts. Perhaps those kinds of wrong thoughts and words, should remind us that we aren’t giving thanks, continually for all things in God’s name. Then we can repent and go back to those right and godly thoughts.

A key verse that helps me in this thankfulness process is our beloved Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” When it doesn’t look like something we would want to be thankful for, we can say this verse to ourselves or even out loud to another. That reminds us of God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and His ability to work in ways we can’t envision.

As we prepare to celebrate our national holiday in the United States of Thanksgiving, may I encourage you (and me) to be thankful, not just on Thanksgiving Day, but as a sacrifice to God continually for all things in His name.

Trusting Jesus,

Teri Maxwell