All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

Expect Children to Be Children

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Very regularly, through responses to Mom’s Corners and Titus2.com message board posts, I read of moms who are discouraged by character struggles in their young children. They wonder whether a child with a particular problem at age 4, 6, or 10 will still have it as an adult. They ask why their child doesn’t have a repentant heart, is selfish, or still bickers with his siblings, even when the parents have been consistent in disciplining. They feel they are somehow missing their child’s heart issues.

This topic is dear to me because I expect it is something that most, if not all, moms struggle with. I have had these same feelings, and asked these same questions. However, after twenty-three years of mothering, I now have the perspective of viewing both my three adult and five younger children. I can look back and evaluate the spiritual maturing process of the older children’s hearts.

I have finally come to realize a profound truth–we must expect children to be children (1 Corinthians 13:11)! They simply do not yet have hearts that can respond to the Lord with the same maturity that adults do. The growth will come, but it is a process of the Lord that continues throughout childhood.

My expectation for an encounter with one of my children was often this: I would sit with him and explain his sin, he would be filled with remorse, confess, repent, and then go off to “sin no more.” This is a mature biblical response that might sometimes be found in my dealings with a child. The more common occurrence, though, was as follows: I would sit with him and explain his sin, he would be filled with excuses and justification, and he would respond negatively. Then he might do the same wrong thing, which he had just been disciplined for, the very next hour (or even minute)! However, the older the children became, the more they were able to see their sin and deal with it properly. This spiritual maturity grew in relation to their advancing age and has been even greater upon their adulthood!

The feeling I get from some of the rather optimistic Christian child-training materials is that if you follow the “plan” your child will very soon be “perfect.” They often don’t stress, or completely leave out, the fact that it also takes time, consistency in disciplining, and prayer. In the meantime, moms are discouraged because they faithfully follow the “plan” for a month, a year, or even more, but they still don’t have a child who acts and responds as an adult. While years seems like a terribly long time to be heading toward the goal, it is a slow, step-by-step process.

God calls us to our responsibilities as mothers, such as loving our children (Titus 2:4), praying for and with them (Philippians 4:6), teaching them (Deuteronomy 6:7), training them (Proverbs 22:6), correcting them (Proverbs 29:17), and disciplining them (Proverbs 19:18). Let’s not forget, though, that He is the One Who works in hearts and also the One Who designed the growth and maturity process of a child. I believe getting at a child’s heart issues is a constant, daily process; we must continue (over and over) to repeat God’s truth to our children in a sweet and winsome way–year after year after year! When two children are fighting over a toy, both are at fault. Scripture must be shared that applies (Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind one to another . . .”), and discipline administered if necessary. When a child is grumbling, there is Scripture that relates, such as Philippians 2:14, “Do all things without murmurings and disputings.” Knowing that God’s results in the hearts of our children will likely come in a slow, gradual way can help us, as moms, to be encouraged rather than discouraged throughout the process.

Moms in the midst of child rearing have to remind themselves frequently of Galatians 6:9, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Another verse that has greatly ministered to me through my years of mothering is 2 Corinthians 4:1, “Therefore seeing we have this ministry, as we have received mercy, we faint not.” Keeping up with all the “heart issues” of our children can cause us to feel like we are growing weary and faint! After all, there may be several of “them” and only one of us! Years of consistency in loving, praying, teaching, training, correcting, and disciplining children can seem like a very long time! However, remember 2 Corinthians 12:9, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

For me, while waiting to “reap in due season” in a child’s life, the bottom line between a positive attitude and discouragement is my own heart. How am I viewing the situations my children present to me? Am I accepting them as opportunities to teach my children? Do I resent them as intrusions on my time? Am I discouraged because they show me what I perceive to be failures in my children? Am I more concerned about their behavior or their heart? Do I want them to act and respond as an adult would because it makes my life easier and more pleasant?

Be encouraged, Sisters! Take heart! I expect you are likely doing what you should be doing to deal with your children’s hearts. Keep it up! Discouragement comes because we are immersed in the daily happenings. Instead, we have to focus on the Lord and the end goal, not the day-to-day behaviors. We can’t expect our children to be adults before they actually are. Find the benefit and joy in our time with them as we teach, train, correct, and discipline, rather than being defeated by an apparent lack of results. Perhaps there are results–great results–for the age of the child you are working with, but the wrong expectation is robbing you of seeing those results.

I have the advantage of looking at my older children and seeing that where they are now has been a process that has occurred over years and years. As the children have been growing and maturing, Steve and I have been praying, teaching, training, correcting, and disciplining, and the Lord has been working. My two oldest sons, whose childhood bickering would drive me to tears, are now, as adults, best friends! My little kindergartner–the one who held the sixth grader’s papers out the school bus window (and got his ankle broken)–is now a godly, responsible man. Steve and I rejoice as we watch our older children in their adult years, but it has been a long, sometimes grueling, yet truly joyful and very rewarding journey!

A Journey Through Depression

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Homeschool Mom’s Depression

In one of Steve’s monthly articles for dads, he mentioned that my bouts with depression as a homeschool mom were part of the reason we decided, at one point, to limit our family size. We were amazed at how many people e-mailed us, after that one sentence in his article, to ask how we had dealt with the problem of depression. It seemed fitting to put together our thoughts on a subject we would be just as happy to shove into the closet and forget was ever a part of our lives. However, there is the possibility that our experience and the changes the Lord has brought in this area might be helpful to others.1 Certainly, depression plays a huge role in the stealing of a meek and quiet spirit.

It has only been eight years since the Lord has given me freedom from the at-times-devastating depression with which I had struggled. It was usually worst during the year I nursed a baby. My pain through those difficult years was very real and is not that distant. I can fully understand the concerned feelings of a mom who is struggling with times of depression, and the worry of her husband, because that was our experience too.

I can’t point to a miracle cure, nor did I discover a twelve-step program to overcome depression. This is probably so I can take no pride in what I did but always know it was the Lord’s work. I will share what we see, in retrospect, about things that helped move me away from depression, and perhaps there will be something here that the Lord can use in another’s life.

Allowing the Lord to Work

One of my first lessons to learn was that the Lord works in His time. I wanted to be over the emotional downs right away. I didn’t want it to be “in process,” and sometimes I was even angry with God because He wasn’t helping me to be better right away. If He was the One to work in my life and I was still depressed, angry, and struggling, then it was His fault! That thinking was totally wrong, but that was how far off my ability to think truth had moved. I had to learn to accept my failings and sinfulness and wait on the Lord for what He would do in my life. It was not my time table. Philippians 2:13, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”

My depression was humbling because I knew I wasn’t what I should be or what He wanted me to be. I even confessed to my church family what was going on in my life. That was a start towards the healing process for me. The depression was no longer something I had hidden away in my private life. Rather, now the Lord could use the prayers of my church family to help me.

Time in God’s Word and Prayer

I stayed faithful to daily Bible reading and prayed through those dark times, even though I might feel distant from and forgotten by the Lord. However, in the midst of those black days, I was sometimes closer to the Lord than I have ever been. This was because I was totally helpless and needy, not knowing where to turn or what to do.

We discovered that there were very real hormonal imbalances that affected my emotions. I would do everything I could to deny this, but it was very obvious to everyone except me. What I could normally handle one day would send me into tears another day. I used the natural progesterone cream (can be found in most health food stores or see Note 2 at the end of this Corner) for a time along with vitamins suggested by our naturopathic doctor friend (You would need to research the vitamins on your own, because I no longer have that list.). I eliminated caffeine as well.

Exercise

Daily exercise was critical at this time. I know daily exercise sounds impossible to an already depressed, overwhelmed, terribly tired mom. Exercise—my walks—were about the only time I was away from home. Just getting out of the environment that I was struggling with for a short period each day, plus the effect of the exercise itself, was very helpful. When I would begin to feel myself spiraling down, getting out would sometimes be the only thing that would change the course of my emotions.

Being tired was a sure way to put me off balance. I am a light sleeper, often being wakened in the night by a noise or perhaps the need to nurse a baby. After that, I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. For eight years now, I have worn earplugs (The soft, spongy type; see Note 3 at the end of this Corner) when I sleep. It has transformed my ability to sleep. I thought not being able to sleep was just a part of my physical makeup. Not so! Since I began wearing earplugs, I hardly ever have a sleepless night. Steve became the “ears” for our family, and I know he will wake me up if the children need me. (Earplugs may not be an option for a mom whose husband can’t do this.)

If you want to see what being tired does to even the most “spiritual” of people, look at Scripture. The story of Elijah running from Jezebel after the Mt. Carmel experience is a great example. Elijah was tired and this is what happened from 1 Kings 19:3-5, “And when he saw that, he arose, and went for his life, and came to Beersheba, which belongeth to Judah, and left his servant there. But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat.” Sisters, guard sufficient sleep in your life very carefully. Don’t trade it for quiet late nights when the children are asleep, and you can have some peace. It isn’t worth it!

I discovered I made it best through a time of depression when I didn’t try to analyze what was causing it. It was better to accept my feelings—as Steve would encourage me to do—like a physical ailment to be patiently waited out. The more I ferreted for the causes the more discouraged and upset I would become.

However, the times I accepted the feelings and said, “Lord, I don’t like this, but I’m going to focus on You and not on me. I am not going to make any major decisions. I’m not going to root for the cause. I will just wait. If I wait, it will pass with no damage except for feeling down. If I think about it and talk to Steve about it, it will pull me further down, resulting in wrong thoughts and words.”

When Steve had run out of ideas for how to help me on his own, he found a pastor’s wife who agreed to counsel with me. Janice and I only met in person one time for an afternoon. She started by making sure that I knew I was saved (see Note 4 at the end of the Corner). With that assurance, she then gave me a couple of tangible projects to put my focus on the Lord rather than on myself. I called her a few times on the phone—at Steve’s insistence—but the path she set me on was exactly what I needed even though we didn’t have multiple “counseling” sessions.

Here are two of her projects. Perhaps they will be helpful to you as well. The first project involved learning to take captive my wrong thoughts—thoughts of being depressed or overwhelmed, thoughts that I was going to ruin my children, thoughts that I would never feel normal, thoughts of anger, bitterness, or defeat, thoughts of being overwhelmed. Those thoughts were all lies. Second Corinthians 10:5 is now one of my favorite verses. It says, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” I was to take my thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ! For example, the truth in regard to the feeling of being overwhelmed is that the Lord hasn’t given me one more thing than there is time to do. If there isn’t time to do it, then He doesn’t expect it of me. My family was better off with next to nothing being done and me being happy, then for me to try to do everything my expectations said needed to done while I was depressed and my mind running in circles, able to concentrate on nothing.

The pastor’s wife encouraged me to begin a notebook. She showed me hers. It was a simple 8 ½ by 11 inch three ring binder with “ABC” tabs in it. Behind the tabs she had notebook paper, each with a topic on it such as, “Anger,” “Discouragement,” “Discipline” etc. When she had her Bible reading time, she would take verses that applied to her and copy them down in her notebook under an appropriate heading. Then when she needed to think “truth,” she could open her notebook and read it.

I would suggest that moms, who are prone to depression, do some of this evaluating of what you are thinking and replace the lies with God’s truth. Begin a notebook such as I have described. If you can’t think of God’s truth—I know there were many times when I couldn’t—get your Bible or notebook out and find that truth. Read God’s truth. Speak it out loud if necessary! Sometimes, I would have to say the words of truth out loud because my thinking was so muddled and twisted that I could not concentrate on or accept the truth when it remained in my mind. However, when I spoke the words, my heart would grab hold of them!

For the second project, I was to have another section of the notebook titled, “Sin List.” Every time I sinned, I was to write it in the notebook. I was then to confess the sin to the Lord, repent, and ask His forgiveness. In my notebook, I would write “FORGIVEN” over that sin.

How do you handle it when you are depressed? Do you become more and more unhappy with yourself for being depressed and make a worse cycle downward? I would do that, or I would end up becoming angry with the children and “beat” myself up about that. In my Mom’s Corner, No Condemnation, I share how the Lord gave me victory over that cycle although I write of it in terms of the struggles I have now. However, the truths I apply with my current problems are the ones the Lord taught me in the depths of my need. Learning “no condemnation” came from the “Sin List” project Janice gave me.

I believe a most powerful change came when I made a decision before the Lord one morning. I remember showering and thinking, “Lord, I just feel like crying all the time. I am miserable. My family is miserable. I can’t seem to do anything about how I feel, but I can do something about how my family feels. I can act like I am happy whether I feel like it or not. My emotions don’t have to drive my behavior, and I can make that choice because of my love for my family.” Those reading this, who are living with depression, may think this would be impossible for them to do. I encourage you to test yourself. When you are down and go to church, can others tell by looking at you and talking to you that you are depressed? If you can make this choice to act differently than you feel there, you can do it at home!

I think if depression-prone moms could figure out a way to work on even a skeleton of a schedule, it would help. I have had many moms write me and say that when they are distracted, brain dead, or just overwhelmed that their schedule directed them through their day when they couldn’t make decisions themselves. If you have somewhat of a schedule in place, despite tiredness, despite feelings, many things would get done because it would be the easiest path to take – just do what the schedule says. Without my schedule, on those bad days, I would have just sat and cried. That would have made everything even worse because then I would have been a day behind! Plus you can let your schedule direct your children when you don’t have the energy to keep up with what you would like to be doing. At least they are accomplishing things rather than just undoing everything you have done.

If it is any encouragement, I asked my older children if they remembered the struggles I had during those early, difficult days of their lives. My older boys (21 and 23) remember nothing negative. Can you believe the Lord can blind our children to what is going on inside of us especially when so much of it is easily visible? My 18 year old daughter only remembers one time that I was really struggling. I don’t share that as a license to allow the hormones or depression to control your life and emotions. Rather I tell it to help you to not feel that it is ever hopeless because there is too much emotional damage already done to you and to the children.

Twenty-three years ago I would never have believed where the Lord has brought me in relation to depression. I thought it was impossible to be free of it, but I am. The process was gradual. I wanted it to happen right away. Looking back, fifteen years isn’t all that long to lose what was such a devastating, negative part of my life.

As women, God has created us such that there are emotions and hormones to be coped with. That is still true in my life. However, a disappointment, a “down” day, a discouraging situation is nothing more than that. These no longer send me spiraling through depression. They are simply normal burdens to be left with my Lord Jesus, while I rest in Him.

I pray the Lord will give each mom, who needs help in the area of depression, insight into what will make a difference. Steve always encouraged me that as long as my heart’s desire was to please the Lord, He would answer that heart’s cry.

Somehow these words just don’t come close to describing what all those difficult years were like, but my prayer is that you will sense in my heart a deep desire to be able to encourage moms that it can be better even if you are homeschooling, if there are more pregnancies and more babies, or if there are more challenges of any kind. My growing out of the depression was a result, I believe, of a process the Lord brought me through in the midst of homeschooling, pregnancies, and babies. Seek the Lord!

Love,
Teri Maxwell

The September 2000 Dad’s Corner also focuses on Depression.

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Notes:

1. We are not doctors; we cannot make medical recommendations. We are only sharing our own personal experiences. We encourage each of you to pray and research as you look for your solutions to depression.

2. The progesterone cream I used is called ProGest, and it is made by Emerita. There are many progesterone creams currently available, but ProGest is the only one I had experience using. Here is a link to it at Amazon (this is an affiliate link, so if you purchase something, the Titus2 ministry will receive a small portion: see our policy here).

3. You would need to research the vitamins on your own, because I no longer have the list.

4. The ear plugs I use are called “Classic” by Cabot Safety Corporation, 317-692-6666.

5. Scripture verses outlining salvation:

Romans 3:23: For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Romans 6:23: For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Romans 5:8-10: But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.

Romans 10:9-10: That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

Ephesians 2:8-9: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.

God is Faithful

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I’d like to share with you a section from my prayer journal I recently reread.

October 26, 1997

Lord, I feel hard pressed on every side–Steve’s job situation, the request for him to take on additional, outside-the-family responsibilities, the homeschool support group, the children’s illnesses, and Steve’s magazine decision.

2 Corinthians 4:7-12, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. So then death worketh in us, but life in you.”

Lord, may this time of pressing be a time of my faith being rooted and grounded in Jesus Christ–no matter what happens. May the life of Jesus Christ be revealed in my life. Lord, I feel afraid of the unknown–of what the changes may bring.

Isaiah 43:18-19, “Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.”

2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Psalms 46:1-3, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.”

Sunday morning, Lord, and I am home alone with Jesse and Mary sick. It is the day before Steve’s lay-off. I feel hard-pressed and fearful, but You sent snow, my very favorite thing–pretty, white, peaceful, quiet. Lord, was it for me? A sign that You are in the midst of the pressure and fear?

I had completely forgotten that particular morning. Even the details of what was pressing on my heart had vanished from my memory until I read them on another quite recent Sunday morning when I was home from church with sick children.

I was so encouraged when I did read this, though, because I saw clearly God’s hand of faithfulness. Almost four years later, none of those pressures are a part of my life any more. The Lord walked us through each decision. The unknowns are now known and there was absolutely nothing to fear. The Lord was faithful to use His Word to comfort my heart then and now in reading back over what He gave me that one Sunday morning.

I don’t journal often, mostly when I am discouraged or feeling pressure from life in some way. At those times, it helps me to write out my struggles and to also put on paper Scriptures that apply to the emotions I am battling. Often, when I don’t write them down, God’s truth is pushed behind the force of my own thinking. When that Scripture is in front of me for me to read and meditate on, it helps me to take captive my thoughts and bring them into the obedience of Christ.

What about you? Are you struggling with keeping God’s truth in your mind? Perhaps you could take some time to search out applicable Scriptures and then write them out. You could keep them someplace where you can actually read them to yourself over and over.

Maybe you are finding yourself in the midst of decisions and other pressures. Can you look back and give God glory for His faithfulness to you in the past rather than dwelling on the uncertainties of today? As I look at other decisions and pressures Steve and I are faced with right now, this small page from my prayer journal four years ago shows me that another four years from now I probably won’t even remember what I am facing at this moment. Each difficulty and decision, taken to the Lord, is worked out in His timing with His plan.

May we, as Christian women, truly live out in our daily lives the truths of God’s Word that are so dear to our hearts. May we be encouraged as we look back on God’s faithfulness through the past week, month, year, four years, and more.

Training Children for Church

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Eleven years ago, we had four children from age twelve down to a baby. We sent these children to children’s church and Sunday School but were never very excited about the outcome. Frequently, the children picked up an illness because of their close contact with other sick children. This meant the next several weeks many of us were home from church as the virus spread through the family. Our children also had a propensity for picking up every negative word or action they observed in another child. Even in a Christian church setting, they managed to discover words, attitudes, and actions of which we did not approve.

One Sunday morning a friend of Steve’s visited our church. They had four children about ages six on down. I was stunned as I observed this family sit through ALL of church with ALL of those children. In addition, the children were well behaved. You had better believe the first thing I asked that mom after church was, “How do you get your children to sit so nicely through church?” Her response was very simple, but it revolutionized our family’s future church attendance. We began to practice what she suggested with wonderful results. I want to share this idea in case you are in the stage of life with young children whom you would like to have with you in church, or perhaps know other families with this desire.

We began to train our children to sit in church by practicing during the week at home. We found this method to work amazingly well. It was so simple, yet very effective. Here is how we implemented it in our family.

I held the youngest child, who was still a baby, on my lap during our family Bible time. If he started to try to wiggle down, I held him firmly and said quietly, “No.” If the baby began to make noise, scream, or cry (this is a baby old enough to sit up), I would gently put my finger on his mouth and say, “Shhh.” I did this several times, but if the crying didn’t stop, I would carry the baby to his crib and say, “You must be quiet during devotion time. Mommy will come back to get you when you stop crying.” When the baby was quiet, I would bring him out to the family again and onto my lap. Consistently, we would do this repeatedly as needed. It did produce some interruptions to the devotion time, but if Mom is quietly doing this while Dad continues the Bible time, the distractions are kept to a minimum. We believed the investment was worth the hoped-for outcome.

We also required the other children to sit quietly and attentively during devotions, as we would like them to sit in church. Not only did this help their church behavior, but it also helped them during home Bible time. Because we are not currently training a baby to be quiet and sit on Mama or Papa’s lap in church, we have not maintained the same high standards of behavior during our family devotions, and it has had a negative impact on the children’s attentiveness.

When we were actually at church and the youngest child would not be quiet, either Steve or I would take him out and sit with him where he would not be a distraction. We would be careful not to let him down to crawl or run around because we didn’t want him to learn that if he was noisy he could leave church and have fun. We would do as we did at home, holding him firmly on our lap, putting a finger on his mouth and saying, “Shhh.” Since there was no place to put the baby if he kept on making noise, we would just hold him firmly, praising him anytime he was quiet. If it seemed he was going to stay quiet, we would take him back into the service, leaving again if his noise level rose. There were many services a member of our family missed sitting in the hall at church with a child between nine and eighteen months of age. That was also the age Steve’s friend said was the hardest. However, the fruit of being able to sit through two-hour church services with five young children has been worth those few missed services. We never have to take our children out of church for being disruptive anymore, although there are times when they have some “practice” to do when we get home from church.

We have helped our children toward quiet, respectful behavior in church by giving them an environment to encourage their success. They don’t get to eat, read, or have toys. This makes church a different place from home or another play area. They do have notebooks to scribble in or take notes in if they remember to bring them to church.

Our little ones are not “perfect” in church. They sometimes whisper to each other and to us. Their eyes can wander here and there. They will get off their seat from time to time to pick up a Bible or change laps. They don’t sit like statutes through the service. This is within our level of tolerance of a child’s behavior in church. Others must agree with us because we regularly receive comments on how good the little children are in church. If our children cross the boundaries for church behavior we have set, they will again find they have some practice time at home after church.

It is a joy for us to have our family worshipping all together. We don’t feel our younger children are missing out on anything by being with us. They receive spiritual training on their level at home. They enjoy going to church with their family. They learn to listen, pray, and worship by watching their parents, older siblings, and other church members. It is a delight for Steve and me. We are most indebted to the Hunsburger family, whom we knew in Kent, Washington eleven years ago, for showing us that it was possible to attend a corporate worship service as a family even with little children!

Time for Summer Schedule Planning

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One of my children asked me this week if they would be doing math over the summer. That question prompted me to begin praying about and planning our summer schedule. We have four more weeks of school left as I write this plus a week of standardized testing; then it is summer for us. What about you? Have you considered the use of a daily schedule during the summer? Since I am beginning to think about our summer schedule, I felt like it was time for me to encourage you to begin on yours!

I was amazed by the reports of several of the moms who tested our book on scheduling for homeschool families before it was printed. After they had been on their schedules for a school year, some decided not to make and use a summer schedule. Their feedback was that they would not make that choice again. Their summer had rushed away without getting to the activities they had wanted to accomplish, and there was a greater level of disharmony among the children.

Summer is perfect for catching up on organizational and cleaning projects that the school year does not allow time for. I schedule one hour a day for these kinds of projects, and I am always surprised and delighted at how much I can do during this hour through the course of the summer.

The temptation is to continue working on the project past the allotted hour. However, this then undermines the rest of my summer schedule because I will have other priorities scheduled for the rest of the day.

I keep a running list of projects I would like to get done during that organizational hour, prioritize it, and jump in when summer begins. I also like to look back over what I have done previous summers to help me know what to tackle this year.

This is my list right now, but I will come up with other projects as the summer progresses: pack away and label children’s winter clothes, box this year’s school books, create a school portfolio for each child, clean kitchen cupboards, clean and organize closets, put photos in albums, and plan 2000/2001 school schedule.

I will schedule Sarah, our eighteen-year-old daughter, to spend my organizational hour taking the younger children for a walk and playing with them. This way I will have fewer interruptions during that time, and the children will be getting some exercise. Because it is hot in Kansas in the summer, this hour is scheduled for right after breakfast before it becomes unbearably hot.

Planning for a summer schedule is a great time to pray about whether year-round schooling would benefit your family. This is one way to eliminate some of the time pressures faced during the school year. When you spend a couple of hours schooling each day through the summer, you free up that time through your normal school year. It also gives your children something constructive to do with their summer days and keeps their skills fresh. We have found that we can skip the first quarter of a math book when we move into it right after finishing the previous one, because that first part is all review. We purchased an art course for our children. I am going to look at my schedule and the materials to decide if I want to give a half hour a day to beginning this course. I will find it easier to prepare for it during the summer because I have more time available.

I will also be praying about how much school to continue through the summer. Usually I schedule math that will necessitate my involvement. I try to make the other school time self-instructional and self-correcting so that as much of my time is freed up in the summer as possible.

I want to spend more time playing with the children during the summer. I put this in my schedule as well because it gives me needed accountability. I am likely to find something I feel I need to do or want to do rather than go outside with the children–especially when it is hot!–if that time isn’t scheduled. When they are looking forward to it, I don’t want to disappoint them.

Summer is a perfect time to teach your children new chore skills. You can revise your chore schedule during this time, moving jobs from child to child, training them on new ones, and making sure they can do them well.

We want our summers to involve a change of pace. However, we don’t want to lose the direction, productivity, and peace the schedule lends to our home. Therefore, we simply pray about a summer schedule, seeking the Lord for His priorities for our summer days. Then we are ready to put together the summer schedule and look forward to what we can enjoy and accomplish.

Ephesians 5:16 and Colossians 4:5 both mention “redeeming the time.” May we see the productive possibilities for a summer schedule to help us in this important directive of “redeeming the time.” May I encourage you to consider a summer schedule if you have not used one before? If you already believe in the importance of a summer schedule, may I suggest you begin now to pray about and plan for the details of that schedule?

A Wifely Victory

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Recently I had a wonderful victory in the area of reverencing my husband. I am sure you will laugh at it because it seems such a small thing. To me it was monumental even though I have been growing greatly in reverencing and submitting to my husband, particularly through the last five years.

My parents were coming over with my ninety-one-year-old grandmother. They were treating our family to ordered-in pizza. We had set a time for them to come and for the pizza to arrive. So, exactly what was my victory in the midst of this small celebration? It was pretty simple. I didn’t remind Steve to call early for the pizza to arrive at the designated time! Doesn’t that sound silly? Why would this be a victory for me? It is because I think Steve won’t remember such things unless I remind him.

This victory did not come without a battle. I thought about reminding him. I even considered how I might do this without it seeming like I was. As it neared time for our guests to arrive, I so wanted to ask him if he had ordered the pizza. When this thought popped up into my mind, I had to take it to the Lord. 2 Corinthians 10:5, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” I prayed that the Lord would help me hold my tongue and that reverencing Steve would be more important than having the pizza arrive on time.

I realized that even if Steve did forget to order the pizza, the worst that would happen is he would realize this when my folks arrived, order it, and we would wait a while for dinner. Guess what? He didn’t forget! Not only did he not forget, I didn’t have to remind him!

Do you realize what small victories like this do for my future in reverencing my husband? Each one grows my faith in my Lord and my husband. Next time I will not have such a battle with my thoughts over whether to remind or not. It will be easier to rest, having the meek and quiet spirit I so desire (1 Peter 3:4)!

What if Steve had forgotten to order the pizza? I would still have had the peace in my heart that reverencing my husband was more important than when the food arrived. What a petty issue to be concerned about–timing of food delivery! In this particular case, it would have been just fine for the pizza to be late. My parents, due to a small emergency before they left home, were not able to arrive at the agreed-upon time. It could have been the Lord’s plan not to have the timing for the pizza arrival be our timing.

I wonder if you have begun thinking about the reverencing of your husband. Ephesians 5:33 ends with, “and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” I have always thought of reverencing as respecting. However, no matter how I turned the definition of reverencing around, it came back to me as a much deeper relationship than just respect. Respect takes us a long way, but where do we go with reverencing?

I have become aware, through the Holy Spirit’s promptings in my life, of ways I don’t reverence or even respect my husband. Much of it comes from me wanting to control and conform Steve to what I think he should be. This would not be overt to an outside observer. Nor do I feel like I purpose to do this; it just seems to be ingrained in my nature! It is so important that I see and evaluate these controlling behaviors realistically. I am talking about things like this: reminding so that he doesn’t forget something important, having a better idea when he brings up a suggestion, giving him “direction” for what he should or should not do or say, always asking where he is going and what he is doing, requesting the details of his phone conversations. I can put on a sweet voice and a smile thinking that will make my controlling ways acceptable. The truth is it doesn’t. Part of reverencing Steve is being under his authority without trying to manipulate him to my wishes.

Please understand this doesn’t mean I never do any of these things. They just aren’t the overriding characteristics of our relationship. As Steve and I have discussed these issues, he has decided that he would like me to ask if he wants reminders about certain areas that need addressing. We freely discuss, as husband and wife, what is going on in our lives. This gives the proper platform for me to give “wifely” input. How much better in our private discussion of a problem concerning the children to offer a suggestion than to raise my eyebrows at him in front of the children or speak a critical word to him! Usually Steve tells me where he is going, what he is doing, and shares details of phone conversations I would be interested in. So what does it matter if, on occasion, he doesn’t do this? Do I need to jump on it and ask him? Can I rest in the Lord knowing that if I need to know the Lord will prompt Steve to tell me?

To be honest with you, this is a struggle for me. I don’t want to have to watch my words or tone of voice with my husband. I don’t care for needing to wait on him to ask for my opinion or counsel on a subject. I want to know all about his phone conversation with a mutual friend. These limitations frustrate me.

1 Peter 3:4 says in relation to wives, “But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.” I am learning that the Lord is more concerned about the meek and quiet spirit He desires of me than that everything is the way I want it. When I consider it, do I truly want to be a controlling, nagging, “always have a better idea” wife?

The Lord has been giving me another thought in this area. How can I possibly know that what I believe is right in a given situation is actually the way to go? After all, Scripture does say, “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). I am convinced that Christ, as the head of the church, is always right! While my husband is a fallible, sinful human, this word picture in Ephesians puts him in the same position in relation to me as that of Christ and the church. It is something for me to seriously consider when everything within me wants to have a situation go “my way”! Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Perhaps God has a purpose for the times Steve fails that is greater than if he did exactly what I thought he should!

I see that a part of reverencing my husband is truly trusting in his decisions, not only when they match my own. Choosing to do this puts him in a position of being responsible to the Lord, not to me. Obviously, there will be times of failure on my husband’s part. For some husbands it may be a whole lifetime of failure. Will I compound this by my own discontent, nagging, and controlling? Will I choose to reverence my husband, trusting and obeying my Lord’s command?

What about you? I expect there are areas in your relationship with your husband where you can begin to pray about and learn to let go of controlling. Will you be more concerned with following the Lord, in obedience to His Word to you as a wife, than you are about having things go the way you think they should? May the Lord encourage our hearts as we seek Him in our quest to be the wives He has called us to be.

Little “Nags,” or Are They “Promptings”?

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I had two small areas in my life that were bothering me recently. When you read about them, you may even chuckle and think, “Why would those create a problem for her? They are so insignificant.” For me, these are issues that just “nag” at my mind. They are things that I have felt led by the Lord to do and have planned into my daily schedule.

The first “nag” is my writing time for Mom’s Corners. I have this time set aside in my day, but often I will allow myself to be drawn into answering e-mails rather than writing an article. My scheduled Corner writing time is quiet, early in the morning, before the little children are up and interruptions begin.

The second “nag” has to do with a timeline and a set of wall maps that go with our school Bible time. We just haven’t been doing them lately. Our Bible time is held in the living room, but our timeline and wall maps are located in the dining room. Therefore, we must move into the dining room for this part of our Bible time, get out our materials, sort them, and figure out which ones go up for the current lesson.

Neither of these problems is very big. Solving them has been simple. However, I allowed them to “nag” at me for several weeks, even months. I let myself follow my way rather than the way the Lord had led me in these two areas. They were small things, but left alone, they grew in their “nagging” potential in my mind. It really would have been much better for me to have addressed these difficulties early on and dealt with them, rather than to let them drag on and on.

My problem in staying on task with the Mom’s Corner writing was a character issue. It is one faced by many as they implement and use a schedule. The schedule calls for a particular activity, but we are drawn away by something else to take that scheduled time. How do I feel when I allow this to happen? I am discouraged and disgruntled with myself.

Why does this involve character? It is because the Lord has directed me to use my time in this particular way. When I allow myself to be pulled to other uses for that time, uses that He has not led me to for that hour, I am choosing disobedience to my Lord Jesus Christ. It is as simple as that! Do I usually view it that way? Of course not! I rationalize in my thoughts, “This e-mail answer will only take a minute or two. It will be out of the way and off my mind. Then I will get right back to the Mom’s Corner.” Whether it is two minutes or the fifteen it usually turns into does not matter, it is still disobedience to what the Lord has called me to do.

What is the solution? Prayer. Begin with, “Lord, You have put on my heart the writing of Mom’s Corners. You have even given me the time to spend on them. I have been allowing myself to be drawn into other tasks at the computer rather than keeping my focus on the Corner. Lord, because I know You have directed me to write the Corners, I am really choosing disobedience by doing other things. It is no different from when I tell my children to pick up the toys in their room, but find them playing with those toys instead. They went down to pick up toys; however, they became distracted with the exact thing they were sent to do. Please forgive me, Lord, for following my own way, rather than Your way. Help me to stick with the job You have assigned!”

Then I must look for ways to limit the distractions that pull me away. Just realizing it was disobedience not to spend my time as the Lord had directed was an immense help. Next, I set a specific time in my schedule for doing what was distracting me from my task at hand. In this case, I decided to use the half hour after the little ones were in bed for answering e-mails, rather than fitting them haphazardly in through the day and disrupting other scheduled activities. It really is a perfect time because I am tired by then and don’t have much energy. I am motivated to not let the e-mails pile up so I won’t want to head for bed without addressing them.

My second irritation that “bugged” me, of not keeping up with our Bible timeline and maps, was just as simple to relieve. All I had to do was commit to going into the dining room for part of Bible time whenever we were ready to work on the timeline or map. Doesn’t that sound easy? Why was it such an effort to do this? I think it just shows the depths of my own laziness and enjoyment of comfort. After all, sitting in my living room recliner is much more pleasant than being on the hard dining room chair. Since some of our materials needed to be sorted before we could use them, I took one of our Bible times, gathered the children at the dining room table, handed out the little pieces of numbered paper, and we began to put them in order. We worked together, and it took less than fifteen minutes. Because my supplies weren’t readily available, I kept putting off and putting off this part of our Bible time that really was important to me.

What about you? Are there issues that just “nag” at your mind and heart? Have you taken the time to pray about solutions? “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). Are you ready to seek the answer in order to be rid of the discouraging thoughts? “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (James 1:5).

Remember to first determine whether your “nags” are of the Lord. If they are not what the Lord would have you do, find that out so you can let go of the negative emotions that accompany your perceived failures. Pray about these areas, and consult with your husband before you assume they are from the Lord. If they are from the Lord, deal with them as He directs. Perhaps, rather than naming these areas “nags,” it would be better to perceive them as the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Would we more quickly face the issues if we recognized them as the promptings of the Holy Spirit? I would! A “nag” is something that harasses you into doing what it wants you to do. A prompting of the Holy Spirit is something to follow in joyful obedience.

I expect your little areas that “prompt” you are individual to your circumstances and personality but not that much different than mine. They are small issues. Someone from the outside could look at them and be surprised that you struggle with them or haven’t found a solution for them. However, for me and for you, our personal little “prompts” build and grow daily when they aren’t addressed. Despite this, they truly are insignificant enough that we feel we can continue to ignore them, while their “prompting” pressure discourages us.

The solution may be setting aside time in your schedule to do what has been bothering you. It could be needing to prepare the materials for a specific activity. It may mean writing something on a list that needs to be purchased when errands are run. Perhaps it is writing down an issue that should be discussed with your husband so that a direction is reached. For some reason, these small things can be the ones that undermine us through our day.

Remember Jesus’ parable of the talents? Here is His final word, “His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:21). How we respond to these “few things” in our lives is the basis for how our children will deal with similar areas of their lives. When character issues are important to our hearts for our children, shouldn’t they begin with us? Each of my little “prompts” had to do with character, but because they were so insignificant, they were easy to excuse and ignore. However, I wasn’t fooling the Lord, was I? Had these not been significant to Him, I believe I could be sure they wouldn’t have remained on my mind.

May I encourage each of us to not allow these small “prompts” to go unaddressed and unresolved? If they are “nags,” and not from the Lord, may we learn to discern that and refuse to listen to their “nagging.” If they are His leading and the promptings of the Holy Spirit, then may we learn the character, through Him, to move us into joyful obedience.

No Condemnation

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It was the week to write a Mom’s Corner, but the Lord had not been revealing to me what He wanted me to write on. I presently have my scheduled writing time after my early morning devotions. This particular morning, I lingered in bed doing some extra praying before my scheduled prayer and Bible-reading time. I knew I had nothing yet to write and would spend my writing time praying. The basis for writing is prayer, so I was continuing to ask the Lord for His direction.

My time in Romans 8 that morning was so fruitful and encouraging that I felt strongly the Lord gave it to me for the Mom’s Corner. Let me share a verse I believe is especially applicable to us as homeschooling moms, and one that has personally helped me.

Romans 8:1 says, “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” I wonder if this is how we, as homeschooling moms, live–with no condemnation. It seems so easy to fall into the trap of self-condemnation.

One of my personal areas of greatest struggle is with my attitude and voice. If I am involved in a task and one of the children interrupts me, it is natural for me to respond to them with a short tone and an edge of irritation in my voice. My heart’s desire is to do as Titus 2:4 says, “to love their children” in all my interactions with my children. Am I demonstrating love by being unhappy with a child who interrupts? Of course not! If the child was being rude in interrupting, he may need training or correcting, but that should still involve a neutral tone of voice, or a pleasant one.

When I fail, what do I think? Usually it is one of two things. I can follow the path of least resistance, and this is what goes through my mind, “There I go again. I was irritated over such a small thing. Won’t I ever learn to handle these little frustrations with gentleness and kindness? I am such a failure. I don’t ever change!” Self-condemnation, lots of it!

My other choice of thoughts comes from focusing on the Lord. These verses in 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 have greatly changed my thinking and dealing with my sin. “Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” While these verses may be dealing with salvation, I have found personal application in them to my walk as a believer.

My thoughts of guilt and self-condemnation are the “sorrow of the world” that worketh “death.” What benefit is there to my family, or to me, in those kinds of thoughts? Do they bring about change in my life? Do they encourage me to depend on the Lord Jesus Christ? Absolutely not! They actually keep my focus on myself and allow me to wallow in self-pity.

On the other hand, there is “sorrow to repentance.” This is the sorrow that is fruitful and productive. It puts these thoughts into my mind: “Lord, You are surely not pleased when my words do not show the fruit of Your Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith. My irritation and anger is sin, Lord. I confess to You my wrongdoing and ask You to forgive me.” No condemnation!

What benefits are there to me and to my family with these thoughts? First, it is the reality of the joy of “no condemnation.” It is the truth of 1 John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Here is freedom and joy rather than guilt and self-pity. The Lord is freed to work in my heart. He is the One Who will do the changing in my life. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).

I know that I am more able to love my family, if, when I sin, I confess and repent of it, and ask for the Lord’s help to overcome it, than when I head in the direction of “poor me, here I go again.” Confession and repentance relieves the burden of trying to be the one to bring about a change in this area of my life where I am prone to failure. I can’t do it anyway, but when my thoughts are wrong, it makes me feel like it is my responsibility.

How often does self-condemnation take this form in our thoughts? “I am ruining my children by this homeschooling. Look at what a bad example I am to them. They are learning all my negative traits and following in my areas of sin. I just don’t have the patience to deal with them twenty-four hours a day.”

Yes, there have been times I have thought these thoughts, although not for the past several years. Is this the way God would have us think? I am sure you would agree; it is not. If we are a bad example, we need to be confessing–never excusing or justifying–each incidence of sin in our lives before the Lord and our children. We must repent of it and prayerfully submit to the Lord. If we lack patience, we should look for the benefits the Lord has for our children and for us by allowing a “furnace” in which to learn patience. Can we ruin our children if we are following the Lord in obedience to what He has called us to do, and we are walking faithfully with Him? No, of course not!

All of the negative thoughts are self-focused. We have to set them aside and take them captive to the truth the Lord gives us in His Word. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

As I walk in the Lord’s path of “no condemnation,” my children learn how to deal with the sin in their lives. They see a humbled mother coming to them and confessing the irritation in her heart and the negative tone in her voice. There are no excuses, simply repentance. These children will battle sin throughout their lives. If I were ruining them, it would be from teaching them to look at self and feel self-condemnation for sin, rather than to look at the Lord, repent over sin, and be grateful for forgiveness. I would be failing my children by modeling worldly sorrow, rather than sorrow to repentance.

I challenge you to take a critical look at your heart and thoughts when you fail. What are you thinking? Is there self-condemnation, or are you confessing and repenting? Are you falling into self-pity, or are you experiencing the joy of walking with the Lord Jesus in “no condemnation”? May we encourage each other to not follow what comes naturally, but to walk in the truth the Lord has given us of “no condemnation.”

Tea Time with the Lord

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Let me share a part of a note I received, and have permission to use, to encourage you. Marilyn writes,

“Something very fascinating has happened to me. I have discovered the source of my discouragement. My problem is that I was not spending any quiet time with the Lord. I haven’t for years. I wasn’t drawing near to Him, and I had conceded that all of my homeschooling friends had the same problems that I had. We were all just burned out and overburdened. I now have scheduled ‘tea time with the Lord’ in my day, first thing.”

That reminds me of how often moms tell of the excitement they have when they begin using a schedule. Once again they are having daily quiet times, those moments alone with the Lord! This pleasure is real because, sadly, time in the Word is one of the first activities to be set aside when homeschooling days become busy.

Generally, as Christians, we begin homeschooling because the Lord Jesus Christ leads us to this decision. He has first place in our lives, and when we begin to have concerns about other school options, He gently starts putting the homeschooling idea on our hearts. More often than not, we don’t feel “qualified” to homeschool either in the area of patience or as an actual teacher. We know, though, that whom the Lord calls He also enables. So we step out in faith, trusting the Lord to carry out the plans He has set before us.

While this is the way we head into homeschooling, it isn’t long until the demands of school, laundry, meals, cleaning, ministry, and life in general begin to wear on us, and somehow, we give up our personal time with the Lord. We allow the busyness of our days and weeks to drive the way we use our time. Then we wonder why we are discouraged, frustrated, irritable with the children, and short tempered in general.

Consider, for a moment, a few Scriptures with me. Psalms 119:105, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Don’t we desire to know the way the Lord has prepared for us personally, and for each of our children? Have you heard, or even said yourself, “If the Lord would just send a letter telling me what to do in this situation, I would be so happy to obey!” God has sent us much more than a letter; He has given us a whole book! The more we root and ground ourselves in His Word, the more we will understand His will in choices we must make. “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2).

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed” (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). Does this describe the way you feel some days? So how is it that we “show that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us,” if we don’t have time in our day to spend with God? Without daily reliance on Jesus Christ, aren’t we working through our day in our own power and strength?

“My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up” (Psalms 5:3). Do you? Do I? Or do we only take the time to shoot up arrow prayers during each crisis that occurs throughout the day? Is this truly laying our requests before God, or is it asking Him to be a firefighter for us? Can you keep a record of God’s answers to prayers in your life, and your family’s lives, if you don’t have a consistent time to spend in prayer alone with Him?

“All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Isn’t this another of our hearts’ desires, to be thoroughly equipped for every good work the Lord has for us to do, and especially in the teaching and training of our children? If we don’t spend time daily with the Lord, in His Word, will this be possible?

My heart desperately needs the Word of God every single day! I have a scheduled forty-five minutes early in the morning to have a quiet time. For the most part, this keeps me consistent, but sometimes we are up quite late at night and that impacts my time with the Lord the next morning. I wonder if my family can tell the days I have really met with Him, versus the ones I hurry through my reading, prayer, and memory time, or skip it altogether. They don’t ask me that question, but perhaps on days when my irritation is quick to show through, it would be good accountability for me if they did.

When my youngest child, now three, was a baby, she went through a stage when she wasn’t nursing well at her breakfast time feeding. We decided that I should quit waking her up at 5:30 a.m. to nurse so she would be hungrier at 8:30 a.m. As we began doing this, I found I became very nervous from 6:45 until 7:45, because I would not be available if she happened to wake up and be hungry. I was out of the house walking and someone at home would have to pacify her if she awakened. That time became miserable for me because of my anxiety over the baby. I asked Steve and he agreed that we could go back to me waking the baby up early in the morning. Do you know what happened? Rather than dreading having to get up at 5:30 every morning to nurse the baby, I loved it. I was so happy to again have a peaceful heart during that hour I was out walking, that I didn’t mind in the least the early morning nursing time.

In a similar way, our time feasting on the Word should be so important to us that we don’t care a bit that we are rising earlier than we might otherwise, or that we are taking quiet afternoon time when the children sleep to meet with the Lord.

My husband and I are “best friends,” and we love to talk with each other. Frequently, I gain insight into my own life by discovering what he thinks about various situations that don’t even involve us personally. Recently I found out what he believes a wife who wants to encourage her husband to be the spiritual head of her home should do. Have you ever wondered about this or perhaps discussed it with some of your friends? What did you come up with? Do you know how a man might respond to this?

Steve says the place for a woman to begin helping her husband in his spiritual headship of their home is with her own personal time in the Word with the Lord! Her husband will observe peace, contentment, joy, gratitude, and other fruit of the Spirit that will emanate from her life when she is spending time reading her Bible and praying. He will also be drawn to the Lord and the Word.

Do we want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders of our homes? Could it really be that this begins with our personal time with the Lord in His Word? Remember, this time is for our own personal growth in the Lord. It is not to be used in a “look what I am doing” kind of attitude with our husbands. What fruit will develop in our lives as a result of our investment of this time with the Lord? Am I considering the widespread effect, within my family and ministry circle, that my devotions will have?

How much of what our hearts yearn for in our homes is tied back to this very special time? If you have felt the Lord’s call to homeschool, but have been neglecting to seek Him daily by setting aside a time to spend alone with Him, may I strongly encourage you to not let another day go by before you remedy this situation. May we each follow Marilyn’s example and begin our day with “tea time with the Lord”!

Right Timing

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Have you ever been away from your children for a period of time? Were you really excited about getting back home and seeing them again? As you were nearing your arrival did you picture the perfect homecoming and reunion with your children?

Recently, Steve and I had the opportunity to go away to a cabin in Colorado for a week to celebrate our 25th anniversary. We loved our time together but were both anxious to be back with our family. We were so excited about returning home that, when we were awake at 3:30 a.m. the morning of our trip home and not sleeping well, we decided to start back then rather than waiting for the planned 5:00 a.m. wake-up time. All the way home I imagined what our evening with the children would be like.

Our homecoming was exactly what I had pictured–for the first couple of hours. Then I went downstairs into my three little boys’ bedroom and playroom! Yikes! It looked like they had left everything out for the entire week I was gone, even getting into the locked storage closet of extra toys.

So what would you have done? What do you think I did? I wish I could tell you that I decided the night of my return home was the night to love and enjoy my little ones, knowing that we could tackle putting items back in place another time. Instead, I decided we had had enough homecoming time. I chose to call them downstairs to begin the task right away. The evening ended with me being frustrated with the children and myself. I was disappointed I had not let the pickup wait and unhappy with them for not keeping up with their room while I was away!

I am still learning and growing in this area of right timing. As you can see from this situation, while I may understand the need for right timing in my mind, my emotions in the heat of the moment do not always agree. Sometimes I follow those emotions rather than that still, small voice of the Lord.

Does right timing enter into our lives as homeschooling moms? I believe it is very vital and key in many areas of our homeschooling.

When we have had a night with little sleep and wake up feeling drug out, is it a good day to tackle a problem that has been looming on the horizon for months? The answer to that is an easy, “Of course not!” But what often happens? In our tired state, that problem is so discouraging and looks so big, we jump right on top of it. Usually this means we do not deal with it in a way we would have preferred if we had really thought and prayed about it.

What about right timing in teaching a child a concept in school? Have you ever been frustrated with a child who is not catching on to something–perhaps it is fractions in math? You work and work, explain and explain, search for alternative ways to demonstrate, and still the light does not come on. Finally, that section is finished, but you know very well your child has not grasped what they were to learn. You are discouraged, while at the same time relieved to be done with the struggle. Then you get into fractions again the next year, and suddenly, even at the beginning of the study, your child understands fractions!

What about right timing in working with the heart attitudes of your children? Will they respond to your discussions of the need for changes in their heart when they are angry, rebellious, or distraught?

Yet, how often do we as mothers try to reach our child’s heart at exactly that moment? Then we wonder why their reaction was not what we wanted it to be. What would happen if we waited until the emotion had passed, on our part and on our child’s part, and spent the ensuing time in prayer for our child’s receptivity? Then we could find a non-confrontational, quiet moment to pursue the problem.

This issue of right timing affects our interactions with our husbands. Have you ever had a terrible day? Then the moment your husband walked in the door you began to dump on him all the frustrations that had built up. It wasn’t just from that day, but the problems that had been hanging around for some time. Is this the best time to share these concerns and seek solutions together?

I know that although Steve is willing to listen to me, allow me to emote, and try to work through the difficulties, we are not very productive at this time. Whereas, if I will wait until our weekend date to bring up the situations from that week that are ongoing and need to be addressed, then we can discuss them in a calm, rational manner. This allows me to weed out the small issues that are not ongoing, plus I have time for prayer in the meantime.

I wonder how much better off we would be to learn, in each of these areas of right timing, to take just a moment to ask the Lord, “Lord, is this the time for me to deal with this situation or is there a better time?” If He gives the go-ahead, then the timing is right. But if He whispers to our hearts “No,” then we need to let go of our agenda, lift the situation up in prayer, and listen for when the timing is right.

I have to tell you that I have a long way to go in this particular area. I know that there are victories I can point to, particularly in learning the signals my body and emotions give me when I am very tired. This is not the time to do anything except maintain the status quo and head for bed as soon as possible. Even though there is much for the Lord to teach me in the discernment of right timing, it is my heart’s desire that I would be submissive and teachable.

May I encourage each of you to consider right timing. As you become more sensitive to the Lord in this, what difference will it make in your mothering? What about your effectiveness as a homeschooling mom? Could it affect your relationship with your husband? I believe the answer to each of these is a resounding “YES!”

Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” May each of our words fit into this category. I know, for me, this is much more likely when my heart is attentive to the Lord for His timing.

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