All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

A Mom’s Potential: What Will I Do With My Mind? – Part 3

This was posted on by .

I have shared with you how I receive e-mails from both discouraged and encouraged moms. Knowing what it is like to be a discouraged mom, I wanted to give you some ideas about how to become the encouraged mom. Not only in my own life have I evaluated the differences between feeling discouraged and feeling encouraged, but I have been considering what I read in those e-mails as well.

The encouraged moms are yielding their minds to obedience to Jesus Christ. That is what I wrote about in August and September. They are also yielding their time to righteousness.

Here is an example of how it works. This mom writes me and says:

“How many times do I have moms tell me that they CAN’T do what I do, usually because they are a ‘different personality’ . . . as if it is my ‘personality’ that is my strength. It is wearying, and often I don’t even want to share anymore the real answer to ‘how do you do it,’ or respond to the ‘I could never do it.’

I am just finishing up a very long week of making up the first six weeks of lesson plans for six children . . . from a brand-new kindergartener up to two in high school. I have not wanted to spend my whole week this way, but it was my choice, by the choices I made in the weeks leading up to this week, and God has still sprinkled in time to go pick beans and cucumbers in the garden in the cool of the evening, to visit with friends and their children, and tonight a church dinner at our home.

I have experienced too many times where God has enabled me to do what He has asked me to do . . . usually through being faithful to my schedule, and ‘doing the next thing,’ while still listening to His voice and being sensitive to changes that are brought my way through His plan. He enables me by His grace to do what He has called me to do, even to finishing up that last lesson plan.

I have been encouraged and taught to choose to do the right thing, even when other things might be calling me, and I might be tempted to label them something ‘spiritual’ to give myself permission to neglect what I am really supposed to do. It is tempting nearly every day, but God always blesses obedience.” A mom choosing obedience

Every day we have a choice set before us concerning what we will do with our time. We can do what we need to do, or we can use that time in other ways. I want to encourage you in the blessing of fulfilling your responsibilities. Sometimes we feel so overwhelmed by what needs to be done or discouraged by our children’s behavior that we retreat to the computer, a book or magazine, the TV, a hobby, or whatever it is that we use for comfort and escape rather than running to our Lord Jesus Christ. Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” These same words are repeated in 2 Thessalonians 3:13. We make that decision of what we will do with our minds—feel sorry for ourselves or think right thoughts and turn to Jesus. Rather than dwelling on the negative, we can to choose to be grateful for the Lord Jesus and His work in our lives and for our husbands, our children, our homes, our daily bread, our comforts, our churches, and so much more. We can choose to get busy and do what needs to be done.

Look at what happens when we use our time to fulfill our responsibilities. This is part of the first e-mail I received from a young mother.

“I am a very undisciplined person. I’m lost when it comes to keeping my toddler occupied. I find myself doing the very thing I hated as a child. I use the TV.” Mom to one two-year-old

Here is a portion of an e-mail from this same mom after she had made some changes in how she was using her time.

“My life has changed significantly since I’ve created and implemented a MOTH Schedule.

My daughter no longer watches an excessive amount of TV. We are having preschool everyday. She has learned to clean up her toys, put socks away when I fold laundry, and set the table for our evening meal. We spend an hour outside every day. I read to her every day. She has ‘play alone’ time, computer time, and she even helps with some of my chores. She loves to dust!! We also have a devotional time everyday. My daughter (25 1/2 months) knows the schedule and anticipates the next activity.” Mom to one two-year-old

All this mother did was begin to make different choices in how she was using her time. At first an undisciplined mom who was using the TV as a babysitter, she decided to put together a schedule to help her do what she wanted to do. As she began implementing that schedule, fulfilling the responsibilities that God had given to her, she was blessed with amazing results. Not only is this young mother experiencing the joy associated with yielding her time to righteousness, but her daughter is as well.

This summer on our blog, I shared a work project that I was doing with my girls. This motivated another mom to evaluate what needed to be done in her home and how to include her daughter, who is only four years old. Look at the results!

“After reading this post yesterday, I realized that there are a few deep cleaning chores I needed to do. Today I cleaned my living room furniture, polished my living room tables, deep cleaned my refrigerator, coffee pot, and a few other things in the kitchen—all with my four-year-old daughter by my side. She enjoyed helping me very much. She kept asking what she could do next. We had a great time.” Another mom

Can you relate to the excitement this mother is experiencing as she chooses what to do with her time? Rather than being discouraged and dejected, she is energized, happy, and satisfied. She has done some important cleaning, spent time with her daughter, and helped her daughter learn to rightly choose how to use her time. Isn’t that what we want for our lives in our roles as mothers?

Discouraged or encouraged? The answer is pretty simple: what will I do with my mind and my time? However, the carrying out of that answer can be quite difficult. It starts with a yielding of our minds to obedience and then a yielding of our time to obedience. While we may think that yielding our time will keep us from doing what we want to do, in reality it frees us to be the Christian women we want to be. May we be women who yield to righteousness with our minds and with our time.

A Mom’s Potential: What Will I Do With My Mind? – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month we began a series on a mother’s potential for influencing her family. I shared with you how I receive e-mails from moms who are discouraged and also from those who are encouraged in their daily lives and walks with the Lord Jesus. My heart is to help those who are struggling and to give them hope for change. Because much of this revolves around the battle for what we will do with our minds, I am going to spend another Mom’s Corner addressing this issue.

For many years when I was depressed, discouraged, or unhappy, I thought that I was a helpless victim of my feelings. I would pray and ask God to free me from my negative thoughts, but the pattern continued until the Lord Jesus, in His mercy and grace, began to show me truths from His Word that applied to my problem. Prayer was very important in my quest for conquering the negativism. That was to continue and be ever increasing. “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). However, I also was instructed in Scripture as to what I needed to do to gain victory over my unhappiness, and that was to obey the Lord—a choice I was to make.

Let me share with you the verses the Lord showed me that helped me understand this. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). The Holy Spirit residing in me gives me the “will” to do what is right. I wouldn’t even care about doing what I should do without the Spirit putting that desire in my heart. Beyond the “will,” the desire to do what God wants me to do, He also enables the actual doing of it; He works in me to do His good pleasure—to accomplish it.

Notice, though, that there is one piece that fits between the “willing” and the “doing” and that would be the “yielding” or choosing to be obedient. I won’t quote again all three verses from Romans 6 that mention yielding because you can read those in the August Mom’s Corner. I will use only one of them to refresh our memories. “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” (Romans 6:16). Here is the amazing truth that the Lord Jesus showed me in the midst of my continual yielding to the negative thoughts. As long as I yield myself to obey sin—for me it was the wrong thoughts—God didn’t help me to do what is righteous. He allowed me to keep walking in my sin and negative thoughts. He kept putting that will within my heart for what was right, but His enabling to “do” had to wait for me to yield to obedience.

In practical examples from my life, this is how it looked. When the children were fussing with each other, when the house was a mess, and when I was tired, if I began to focus on myself and how discouraged I felt, then I was yielding to sin. At that point, God didn’t fill my heart with happiness, joy, and peace. While I don’t like to feel unhappy and defeated, the reality was that I was content with it because I continued to choose it. I was walking in disobedience while maintaining the expectation that God would somehow remove the negative thoughts from my mind and replace them with love, contentment, and patience.

Remember the Israelites of old? God could have made them a perfect nation with perfect people. Instead, He made them His people, gave them the ability to choose obedience or sin, and asked obedience from them. Despite all that He did for them and despite all that He gave to them as direction, they still often chose disobedience. He didn’t “zap” them into obedience just as He doesn’t “zap” me into obedience. He waited for the Israelites to obey, and He waits for me to obey.

If this yielding to obedience weren’t a part of my walk with the Lord Jesus, He would never need to tell me in His Word anything righteous to do. I would already be doing it. However, His Word is filled with “do this” and “don’t do that.” He is placing within my heart the “will” to do what is right. I must choose to yield. I must decide to be obedient.

For example, consider these verses: “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4). “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:3-5).

Do I naturally feel joyful or like glorying in a trial or tribulation? Most certainly, I don’t. In these verses I am told that this is an obedient yielding I am to make, and I am even told the outcome—the reason I would make this choice. If I automatically reacted to these difficulties with joy and glory, then there would be no reason for Scripture to tell me to do so. To yield to righteousness, I take those negative, “poor me” thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

For me the starting place for this yielding to righteousness and taking my thoughts captive begins with gratitude to the Lord Jesus Christ. “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened” (Romans 1:21). “He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God” (Romans 4:20). “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). Will I focus my thoughts on gratitude to God for what He has done for me and given to me, or will I allow my mind to dwell on what I don’t like or am unhappy about? That choice of what I yield to is left up to me.

If I yield to obedience, then comes the enabling to do it. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

I have walked both paths—the path of yielding to obedience and the path of yielding to sin—particularly in what I do with my mind. I can still face those decisions, even on a daily basis. I can tell you from my experience that though the path of obedience can be very, very difficult when the feelings are negative, the obedience leads to freedom from unhappy, sad, and “poor me” thoughts. Yielding to the sin of continuing in those wrong thoughts simply spirals us further into them and away from the joy and peace we desire.

May I encourage each of us to move from allowing our negative feelings to drive our thoughts. This yielding to righteousness will be a continual process. When we yield our minds to righteousness, the fruit of the Spirit is manifested in our lives not only for us to enjoy, but for our families as well. Our children are watching us. They are learning from our reactions and responses to the daily pressures we face. What will they glean from us? Can we say with Paul, “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you” (Philippians 4:9)?

A Mom’s Potential: What Will I Do With My Mind? – Part 1

This was posted on by .

On an almost daily basis, I hear from moms who are excited about the direction their home life is taking, but also from those who are greatly discouraged with it. The potential we have as mothers, within the small boundaries of our homes, to impact and influence those we love the most, plus future generations, is staggering. However, we also hold within our hands the choice to fritter away that potential and, later, look back on these years with regret.

In Titus 2, verses 4 and 5, the older women are admonished to teach the younger women to “be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” As I read both types of e-mails I receive, I am coming to wonder if it might not be that those who are experiencing excitement are choosing to yield, learn, and grow in these areas of priority given to us as women. Perhaps those who are discouraged are choosing to give in to their negative thoughts—to feel sorry for themselves, their failures, and the situations that cause them.

It appears that two main areas are critical to the success or defeat we experience in these critical responsibilities the Lord Jesus has given to us as wives and mothers. The first is “what will I do with my mind?” and the second is “what will I do with my time?” Since it starts with our thoughts and moves to our actions, I want to begin by considering what we do with our minds and how that impacts not only our lives but also our children’s lives.

Here is the reality of what often happens in the daily life that we so much desire to be picture perfect.

“Sometimes it is just so hard with the young ones. My oldest is eight years, and my youngest is almost a year. I have become very easily frustrated with them lately. This is something that I really need to pray about. It is time for me to make some changes. I do spend too much of my time on the computer. Some days I just feel as though I just cannot do it so I pop in a video or send the children outside, and I sit on the couch staring at the computer. I have just given up. How sad for me to be that way. I do not want to give up.” A Discouraged Mom (used with permission)

You can probably relate to “A Discouraged Mom,” if not with her exact struggles then with ones that are similar. As these situations occur, pile up, and continue, “A Discouraged Mom” retreats to her negative thoughts of defeat and finds refuge in the computer. The problem is that this simply fuels the vicious cycle of discouragement in which she lives, but as she indicates, she does not want it to be this way.

Romans 6 gives us direction out of the cycle of discouragement. As you read these verses, pay particular attention to the word “yield.” “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Romans 6:13). “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” (Romans 6:16) “I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness” (Romans 6:19).

I have a choice set before me concerning that to which I will yield. As long as I allow the negative, it’s-too-hard, poor-me thoughts, God doesn’t “zap” me with peace, joy, and contentment. I must yield myself to righteousness—to the truth of His Word. When I yield to righteousness, these are the kinds of thoughts I will think, and the result is peace, joy, and contentment: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). “Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4).

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). This verse tells me that God does not remove the temptation from my life. In this case, the temptation is to dwell on the problems and negative thoughts. Rather than keeping temptation away, He gives a way of escape. I decide whether I will take the way of escape or not. Personally, I believe the way of escape for this temptation is in choosing to think right thoughts—thoughts of the truth of God’s Word.

When I take the way of escape, when I yield to righteousness, then I provide my children with a pleasant mommy, one who is characterized by the fruit of the Spirit: “. . . love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22-23). When I dwell on my negative thoughts, I become more discouraged and more unhappy with my bad attitudes, which affect not only me but also my family. The example I am setting for my children influences how they will respond to the difficulties and trials they experience now as children and later in their adult lives. They can observe me in stressful daily situations either dealing with them by yielding to righteousness or yielding to my “comfort” activities, food, or environment.

What will I do with my mind? Will I yield to righteousness? Will I take the way of escape? Will I be focused on myself and how hard it is to do whatever I am supposed to be doing? Will I dwell on how it doesn’t come naturally to me? Will I think about how I don’t feel like doing it? Will I be focused on the Lord Jesus and obedience to His Word? The choice is mine, and the choice is yours. I expect those moms who write to me and are excited about their home life have determined what they are doing with their minds—yielding to righteousness.

Can a Scheduled Mom be Spirit-Led? – Part 2

This was posted on by .

The question we are in the midst of discussing is whether a mom who uses a schedule can be Spirit led. Here is the specific message that was communicated to me by a mom who wants the order a schedule brings to her day, but she is concerned that she will not be following the Lord if she does so.

“I was speaking with some moms last night about scheduling. I desperately desire to be more scheduled, but they feel their days should be ordered by the Lord and each day should be new unto itself, open to what their children need, etc. Is there a way to be both? Is a schedule so structured that God cannot order your day? I would appreciate Teri and anyone else commenting on the balance here. I’m having trouble keeping to my schedule and I think I may be justifying it as stated above. I am not keeping to our schedule well at all and I’m not sure why. I just know I feel stifled in some way, but I long for the order and peace a schedule can give me. Can I do both?” Used by permission

Last month I shared how my schedule allows me to follow the Spirit in both the overall plan for my day and in the changes that might be put into place as the day progresses. Here is a link to that article.

What I have to say next, I say with all gentleness, as a sister in Christ, to encourage us to have honest evaluations of our words, their meanings, and our hearts. I wonder if those moms who don’t think one can be Spirit led while using a schedule could be confusing “Spirit led” with “feeling led” in their own lives. The reason I have this question is because my frequent observation is that the mom who says she can’t use a schedule because she wants to be Spirit led is often not doing what the Lord has called her to do with her time but rather what she feels like doing. For example, she may not be keeping up with the housework and meals but instead spending time on the computer reading and posting to blogs and message boards. In these cases, then, it would appear that the mom isn’t Spirit led but “feeling led”—doing what she feels like doing rather than fulfilling the responsibilities the Lord Jesus has placed into her life.

Let’s consider a mom whom God has called to homeschool her children. What if she wakes up in the morning and doesn’t feel like doing school? Will she go ahead and have school, or will she decide the Spirit is leading her to spend the day differently? If she decides not to have school, is it the Spirit leading her, or is it her own feelings of personal desire to spend her time in other ways? If she is honest, it is entirely possible that she will find she is being led by her feelings of what she prefers to do. Because of those feelings, she might say the Spirit is leading her not to have school when in reality she just doesn’t want to do school.

Let’s review again the verses that give us that definition of what “Spirit led” means. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:12-14). If what we say is Spirit led is actually allowing us to do what we feel like doing, that which is more enjoyable to our flesh, but not what the Lord has called us to do, is it really being Spirit led?

Here’s another scenario. Perhaps my saved, teenage child, who loves the Lord Jesus, comes to me in the morning and says he doesn’t think the Spirit is leading him to do his schoolwork today. I query him to determine what he plans to do with his day and discover that he is going to spend his normal school time on his hobby. Would I agree that the Spirit was speaking to him and allow him to skip his school? Would I tell him that he needed to do his schoolwork and then pursue his hobby? On the other hand, what if he told me the Lord had put it on his heart to spend a day helping his grandparents and that he would make up his schoolwork in the evenings and on Saturday? Would that look more like Spirit leading? One direction for his day has a selfish focus, while the other has a serving focus. The Spirit will generally lead us contrary to the flesh, and that is often an indication of whether it is the Spirit’s leading or not. Is it “living after the flesh” or “mortifying the deeds of the body”?

This is very difficult to communicate. I am not judging anyone, and please don’t take it as that. I leave it up to each of my readers to evaluate if this would apply to her life. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that the Spirit wouldn’t ever lead a Christian mom to do something other than the responsibilities He has given her. However, I would have to question a mom who frequently neglects those responsibilities for other activities or free time and says it is Spirit led. My doubts come because if the Lord has directed us to fulfill certain responsibilities, then how could we accomplish them if we are doing other things?

I will also challenge the mom who wrote me about Spirit-led scheduling to evaluate why she would feel stifled by her schedule. Is it because her schedule is put together wrong? If so, then she wants to determine where the problem lies. Did she pray about her schedule as developed it? Did she discuss it with her husband? Is the difficulty with having wrong activities on the schedule? Perhaps she hasn’t allowed enough time for those activities.

Could it be that she doesn’t want to do what the Lord has called her to do? I can certainly relate to that in several areas of my life, but especially with regard to homeschooling. I homeschool because the Lord has directed me to homeschool not because I wake up every morning feeling like and wanting to have school with the children. If I focus on my feelings, then I will feel “stifled” during my school day. However, if I put my thoughts on the blessings to both me and my children of homeschooling and the joy of obedience, then my feelings will be of peace and contentment.

In many ways, it comes back to this verse I refer to frequently: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). What will I do with my thoughts? Will I allow the thoughts to follow their own path, leading me to think that what I have to do on a schedule is stifling? Or will I bring the thoughts into the obedience of Christ, thinking instead, “Lord, this schedule is helping me accomplish what You have called me to do. I can set aside what I prefer and follow what You are leading me to do?”

I also want to be clear that I am not saying every mom who is Spirit led must use a schedule. That determination will be made by the mom, with the Spirit’s direction and her husband’s leadership. However, I am trying to make a case for the way a schedule can facilitate a mother being Spirit led and how it works under the Spirit’s leading. I also want to encourage moms who are not following, on a day-to-day basis, the overall direction the Spirit has previously given to them to consider whether they are truly Spirit led each day or if they are feeling led. I believe one way that determination would be made is by evaluating whether the mom’s time is being put forth into the areas to which the Lord has called her and what fruit she sees in her life and home. Is there peace, joy, and contentment, or is there chaos, stress, and confusion? May we be women whose hearts are focused on our Lord Jesus Christ, and who are following the Spirit in every aspect of our lives.

Can a Scheduled Mom be Spirit-Led? – Part 1

This was posted on by .

Sometimes a question is posed to me implying that if a mom is using a schedule, she is not able to be led by the Spirit. This thought is encapsulated in this message that was going to be posted on MOTHBoard. I asked the author if I could use it as a springboard for a Mom’s Corner so I could write an in-depth answer.

“I was speaking with some moms last night about scheduling. I desperately desire to be more scheduled, but they feel their days should be ordered by the Lord and each day should be new unto itself, open to what their children need, etc. Is there a way to be both? Is a schedule so structured that God cannot order your day? I would appreciate Teri commenting on the balance here. I’m having trouble keeping to my schedule, and I think I may be justifying it as stated above. I am not keeping to our schedule well at all, and I’m not sure why. I just know I feel stifled in some way, but I long for the order and peace a schedule can give me. Can I do both?” Used by permission

I believe we should begin by looking at a couple of verses to help us define what “Spirit led” means. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:12-14). Spirit led, then, means that I am not following the dictates of my flesh, but rather the direction of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Those not familiar with scheduling might be surprised to learn that my schedule allows my day to be both “ordered by the Lord” and “new unto itself, open to what the children need.” This is the case because when my schedule is planned and put together, it is prayed about during each stage. The schedule is a tool the Lord Jesus has given me to help me to accomplish what He has called me to do—it is a part of my life being Spirit led. That means I am looking to the Lord for what should make up my schedule and how long should be allotted for each activity, not only for me but also for each of the children I am scheduling. The schedule is also flexible, allowing me to accept the changes that the Lord brings into a day that were not a part of the schedule.

Through the Word, the Spirit has led me toward priorities for my time, and these have been confirmed by my husband. The first personal goal the Lord has directed me toward is my personal relationship with Him. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). This will only happen as I grow spiritually. Titus 2:4-5 says, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” From these two verses, I receive the next three goals for my time: to love my husband, to love my children, to be a keeper at home. Finally, 1 Timothy 5:9-10 says, “Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.” These verses suggest to me a final life goal of ministry.

The schedule, with prayer for the specifics, plans out time for each of these Spirit-led aspects of my life. Not only am I able to do what the Lord calls me to do, but because of the use of the schedule, I am more efficient and productive with my time. The schedule has eliminated many of the daily decisions I used to make as I went through my day – decisions that were time wasters and emotionally draining. My mind is now free to focus on the needs at hand rather than trying to plan – on the fly – what should be done and how to fit it in.

To be Spirit led, when I wake up in the morning, I don’t feel any necessity to ask the Lord whether I should take care of my family that day or do something else I would prefer to do. My dictates for a normal day have already been given to me to follow by the Lord Jesus. Because He has placed loving my husband, loving my children, and being a keeper at home as my priorities, I know that I will care for my family throughout the day in obedience to the Lord Jesus. I also know that the tasks that will accomplish this are on my schedule.

It is a little like telling a child he is not to cross the street without stopping and looking both ways first. Once that command has been given, the child is not to come to me each time asking if he should stop and look before crossing the street. The answer will be the same. If he continues to ask me whether he needs to stop and look first, it is almost as though he is testing my leadership or perhaps is trying to get out of having to take the time to be safe.

This is how I would view it if I were asking the Lord every morning if I should get up and feed my family or do their laundry. I have already been told by the Lord what I am to do in those areas by having been given overall responsibility for them. I would feel like I were trying to avoid what I should be doing – trying to find a way to do something else – if I were questioning His direction each day.

Let’s go back to the child crossing a street. It is possible that I could chose to undo that street-crossing instruction for a particular incident. Perhaps I am with my child, and I have checked to make sure it was okay to cross the street. Maybe the street is blocked off so that no traffic can go through, making it unnecessary to look for cars before walking across the street. That is how I see the Spirit leading in the midst of a schedule where overall, basic direction has already been given. There will be some changes to the schedule on a moment-by-moment, day-by-day basis.

In a scheduled day, the Lord will bring unexpected events. This is the “new unto itself” part of a schedule. It may be a sick child who isn’t able to accomplish his chores so siblings and Mom pitch in to take them over. It could be the necessity of going to the dentist for checkups or a filling. The schedule lets me receive these diversions with a sweet attitude because I am current with my daily responsibilities rather than already behind and now getting further behind. I easily know what we can eliminate from our day to accommodate the trip away from home.

A very close-to-home example of this from my life involves our daughter-in-law’s recent pregnancy. When Melanie was put on bedrest, she needed several hours of help during the day while, Nathan, was at work. My schedule didn’t prevent us from helping, but rather it enabled us to meet the needs at hand. I could evaluate, on the schedule, who was more available to help and who was less available. Sometimes it was one of the girls, and sometimes it was me. I am not so tied to a schedule that I am not open to what the Lord brings into my day that isn’t already part of the schedule. If that were the case, then I would have to question whether I were Spirit led. I use the schedule on a daily basis, but I am listening to the Lord when He brings changes—changes I am grateful that I can joyfully accept and be a part of ministering to a need.

I believe it was my schedule that gave me the freedom to invest those four or five weeks with one of us across the street with Melanie, while still keeping up with the needs in our home. I was evaluating on a daily basis who would be helping and when. I was the one to be with Melanie the day she was in labor and then, because I went with them to the hospital, stayed with them the days Susannah Joy was alive. I think about that schedule I use and rejoice in how it facilitated our family’s ability to help Nathan and Melanie. All my children, because of the schedule, knew what to do each day and when to do it. They were able to look at what I was not able to accomplish while I was away from home and alter their schedules to accommodate the necessities. Without the schedule, it is likely our home would have been in a chaotic uproar. As it was, the family was able to do what they should do without me being there with them.

For me, being Spirit led takes place while I am using my schedule. It is a matter of my heart focus. Every day I am seeking the Lord for His strength, grace, and mercy for the day. I have to depend on Him. I look to Him for ways to encourage and support my family. He is my sustenance every minute of the day—right in the middle of what is scheduled to do throughout the day. The Spirit is leading me.

I believe a scheduled mom who has prayed about her priorities and schedule is Spirit led when she is depending on the Lord Jesus. Not only is she Spirit led, but she is also able to accomplish what the Spirit is directing her to do each day. She can face any unscheduled trials, difficulties, and pleasures the Lord brings into her day knowing she has been obedient to the Lord’s calling on her life and that the change of schedule is from Him. She is obedient and Spirit led when she is following her schedule and when there are alterations to the daily plan. May we truly seek the Lord every day with all of our energy, whether we use a schedule or whether we don’t. Next month I want to share more about the relationship of a schedule and being Spirit led.

The Valley of the Shadow of Death

This was posted on by .

As many of you know, we walked through the valley of the shadow of death in March as we watched our oldest son, Nathan, and his wife, Melanie lose their precious daughter, Susannah Joy, after she lived only three days. We were not total strangers to that valley having lost two babies, ourselves, to miscarriage. As Susannah’s life was held in the balance, we felt like our lives were on hold as well. At that moment, it didn’t seem like any semblance of reality or normalcy could ever continue again. But a month later, we found ourselves celebrating Joseph’s eighteenth birthday with life moving forward—without the grandbaby we had so excitedly anticipated being part of each special event.

I was with Melanie the day she was in early labor. Because of her serious back labor, I rode to the hospital with Nathan and Melanie to rub Melanie’s back while Nathan was driving. For four days, I ended up living at the hospital with them during the time Susannah was in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). I was Melanie’s companion when she needed to be in her room to eat or rest, enabling Nathan to be with Susannah. I was their secretary and messenger since cell phones weren’t allowed in the NICU. I was also the one to sit with Susannah in the middle of the night when Nathan and Melanie were forced to leave her to sleep a few hours.

When Job’s seven sons and three daughters perished in one day, Scripture tells us of Job’s response. “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” (Job 1:20-22). In the very early morning hours of Susannah’s last day, I was able to hold her during my turn at her side while her parents slept. I memorized those verses with that precious, tiny baby in my arms. They were words of comfort, truth, and hope for my hurting heart.

We wanted to go through this trial as Job went through his trial, but we didn’t really know what that meant in a real-life situation of a baby dying. Job grieved, but he also worshipped the Lord in the midst of that grief. Throughout those most difficult three days, we found our continual words to each other and our family members were, “God is good.” He is good in the midst of pain just as He is good when all is going smoothly. We were determined to praise the Lord Jesus even when our hearts were breaking with the seriousness of the situation we faced. In hindsight, I believe the confession of God’s goodness was a part of our worship of Him at that time.

Nathan would regularly say to Melanie and me during those hospital days, “We aren’t going to ask questions. We are simply going to trust the Lord.” Of course, they asked many questions of the doctors and nurses about Susannah’s care and how she was doing. Those were not the questions to which he was referring. The unasked questions were concerning why this was happening when they had waited five long years for a baby and the Lord had finally filled their empty arms. There were so many of these kinds of questions we could have asked for which there were no answers. I saw Nathan’s wisdom in his direction to us. What would we accomplish by dwelling on those questions? The trials in our lives produce tests of our faith. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). I can’t understand; will I still believe?

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). That trust Nathan was calling us to rest in was based upon the truth of God’s Word. While we continually cried out to the Lord Jesus for Susannah’s healing, there was a sense in our hearts that He might not answer that prayer with physical, earthly healing, which would have been the “work together for good” that we would have chosen.

“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). I experienced that comfort through my miscarriages, and I experienced it again with Susannah’s death. In the hospital, especially when we knew Susannah wouldn’t make it, I felt like maybe I would start crying and never stop, but I didn’t. One way the Lord comforted me was to keep me busy. There was always a phone call to make, something to be carried to the NICU, or a job in the room that needed to be done.

When Steve and I were on the way home from the hospital after Susannah’s death, we stopped at a convenience store. As we walked in, the first sight I saw was a young mommy coming out with a tiny baby in a car seat. How many times during Melanie’s pregnancy had I seen a similar situation and thought to myself, “Soon that will be Melanie with her baby”? As I looked at that mommy and baby, my eyes filled with tears thinking that Nathan and Melanie would never put Susannah Joy into a car seat. At that moment, I realized I had a choice in front of me. I could gaze at the baby and think about all the “what if’s,” focusing on my pain and grief and Nathan and Melanie’s as well. Or I could turn my thoughts away from myself and onto the Lord Jesus Christ through thanksgiving. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Thanksgiving is a daily, ongoing choice I have to make. I can wake up in the morning thinking about Susannah and start to cry, or I can wake up praising the Lord. When something hits me out of nowhere that reminds me of Susannah, and I begin to cry, I can continue to cry, or I can take those thoughts captive. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). The truth is that while we wanted Susannah to be a part of our lives on earth, she is with the Lord Jesus—a place filled with the joy of His presence without any pain or sorrow. The span of this life is but a passing moment compared to the eternity we will spend with her. Where will I put my thoughts—on myself or on my Lord Jesus?

We are very grateful to each of you who have prayed for Susannah, Nathan, Melanie, and our family. You have been a part of God’s rod and staff that brought us comfort. Your prayers and words have sustained us, and they have caused us to thank God as we walk in this valley of death.

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” (Psalms 23:4). Perhaps you have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. Maybe you have faced or are facing another type of trial for which there are no answers. May I encourage you that God is good. Trust in the truth of His Word. Allow yourself to be comforted by the God of all comfort. Set your mind on thanking Him rather than on the grief or difficulty.

From Night Owl to Morning Lark

This was posted on by .

Regularly I am asked questions that revolve around the struggle a mom has to get up in the morning at the time she both needs and wants to arise. This appears to be a common problem for stay-at-home moms. We don’t have the accountability that an away-from-home job would give, forcing us to get up in the morning at a designated time.

I believe that as stay-at-home moms we should place a priority on getting up early in the morning to begin our day. Unless we view this as an important part of our lives, we will allow many excuses to stay in bed in the morning to infiltrate our thinking. It is easy to fall into the trap of believing that since we don’t have to punch a time clock at a job, we can allow our feelings and weaknesses to dictate our schedule. However, there are many problems that will come about in our lives, our homes, and our children’s lives if we don’t make the choice to be disciplined about when we get up in the morning.

One area to be hurt when we stay in bed in the morning will be the daily tasks to be accomplished. The life of a stay-at-home mom is filled with homemaking, child care, and perhaps homeschooling. These are time-consuming jobs that require us to be diligent, energetic, and efficient. When we rise in the morning, we get a handle on our jobs before they overtake us with discouragement. “Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread” (Proverbs 20:13). Plainly and simply, we won’t have the time in our days to keep up if we don’t get up and get busy in the morning.

Even before the daily activities get under way, the first area to suffer in our priorities if we don’t get up early in the morning will probably be our time in the Word and in prayer. Even though this should be our first priority, when we don’t rise before the children, we will let the urgent push the important out of our schedule. Here are links to two Mom’s Corners on the benefits of daily time with the Lord Jesus: September 2004 and November 2006.

Not only will our ability to be the moms we want to be suffer when we don’t have time in the Word, but we will set a powerful, negative example for our children as well. If it isn’t important enough for Mom to get up in the morning to spend time with Jesus, why would it be important to the child? We can’t be surprised or dismayed by children who don’t have a heart for the Lord Jesus Christ if we don’t lead the way for them by making time with the Lord of such an urgency that we choose to get up early enough to keep our Bible reading and prayer time.

We are the models for our children. They are learning from what they see in our lives. When we choose to allow excuses to keep us in bed, we are teaching our children to do the same thing. We really don’t want to teach our children to be sloths. “As the door turneth upon his hinges, so doth the slothful upon his bed” (Proverbs 26:14).

The mom who isn’t disciplined to get up in the morning before the children is educating her children in her ways without purposing to do so. This mom will then face an ongoing, discouraging battle to try to get her children out of bed in the mornings to eat breakfast, do their chores, and start school because they are following her example.

For the future, this mom has set a path for her children to be weighed down throughout their lives with the same struggle she has had to battle in getting up in the morning. “How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man” (Proverbs 6:9-11). As an adult, a son will have to get up to go to work each day. A daughter with a family of her own will also need to start her day early. If they haven’t learned these simple disciplines of life in their early years, they will be hindered in what God calls them to accomplish each day.

How does one go from a night owl to a morning lark? I would expect that many more moms would consider themselves to be night owls than to be morning larks by nature. We have allowed ourselves to become those night owls by our personal habits. The starting place, I believe, is to admit that being a night owl is a choice and that we are only making excuses when we say it is the way we are naturally, especially if the implication is that we can’t change. We might even go so far as to define it as sin if the Lord has been calling us to get up earlier in the morning, but we are still choosing to stay up at night.

The second step is to begin to pray, asking the Lord Jesus to help us get up when the alarm clock goes off. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6). “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). It might help to put the alarm clock across the room.

The third step is to go to bed earlier at night. When the children are in bed and the house gets quiet, it is a temptation to catch up on what was neglected during the day or do something we want to do for ourselves. Staying up late almost guarantees that we won’t be able to get up in the morning. This is especially true if there are babies or toddlers in the home who are likely to need some kind of attention in the night. If we go to bed early, then we are more able to be up in the night, meet the need, and still arise in the morning.

Some moms have husbands who stay up later at night. In that case, a mom could try planning an afternoon nap into her schedule so that she is receiving the daily amount of sleep she needs when she is not able to go to bed earlier in the evening. Sometimes if the wife is willing to go to bed earlier, then the husband might be as well. It could be a benefit to both of them.

Here is a testimony of a mom who, with the Lord’s help, has been able to make the transition from a night owl to a morning lark.

“This worked for me . . . I borrow my husband’s self-discipline! He works construction and depending on travel time he is up by 6 a.m. every day. As his jobs change, so does his wake up time. Right now we are on a 4:45 a.m. wake up. Ugh! It’s the hardest yet!

“When we started I asked him to wake me and ASK me to get up with him. Being in submission to him is what actually got me out of bed.

“This has benefited him as well. I also enjoy the quiet time with him in the morning because we are able to discuss the day’s events. I pack him a healthy lunch. We both go to bed earlier now, too, so he is not as tired. Before he would stay up with me and be exhausted in the morning. I really can’t tell you how much this has improved our communication and marriage.” A Morning Lark

If becoming a morning lark sounds like an impossibility to you, schedule an afternoon nap so you will know that no matter how tired you might be during the morning, you will be able to take a nap later on. If you aren’t tired, you can use that time for another project.

There are seasons in our lives when we can’t get up early in the morning, such as when we have an illness, the children are sick, or we are up a long time in the night with a newborn baby. However, for most of us, in our daily lives we can choose to exercise the amount of self-discipline necessary to get up the in the morning.

I want to strongly encourage each of us to arise in the morning at a reasonable enough time, teaching our children to do the same. Ask the Lord Jesus for the strength and grace to follow through on your desire to get up and get going. Please don’t allow any excuses to keep you in bed in the morning. May we be women who want to spend every minute of our days in service to the Lord Jesus.

Comments have been disabled for this post.
Posted in: Mom's Corner

Helping Children Overcome Sin

This was posted on by .

Recently we had a request for a Mom’s Corner on a topic to which many of us can probably relate.

“I have become aware of my controlling tendencies and have begun to work on this area of my life. Knowing this behavior does not please the Lord Jesus I am learning to pray and trust His ways.

My goal is to serve my family with a gentle spirit, patient heart, and quiet voice; however, I have noticed that my ten-year-old daughter has picked up and mimics much of the ‘Old Mom.’

What methods can I use to teach her that Mom’s old way does not bring glory to God and that she will suffer the same if she continues in those behaviors? Most of the time she (like I was) is unaware of this controlling nature. Please help.” A Mom Who Is Growing Away from Controlling

As we evaluate our lives and our children’s lives, we often see our sin mirrored in our children. The world recognizes this with sayings such as, “Like mother, like daughter.” My example to my children is usually speaking as loudly as, or louder than, my actual words. Scripture also gives us a picture of how this process of our example works. “Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children’s children, unto the third and to the fourth generation” (Exodus 34:7).

Our salvation frees us from the bondage of sin, but we can still live with the consequences of that sin, including seeing it reproduced in our children. Because of our own recognition of the particular sin and our battle with it, we become very aware of it not only in our lives but also in our children’s lives. When we begin to experience victory, we are happy to release our families from the effects our sin has been having on them, but we are not happy to see those effects perpetuated by the same sin in one of our children.

Seeing my sin in my children helps to keep me aware of the consequences of that sin, my need to depend on the Lord Jesus Christ, my desire to continue to grow spiritually, and my prayer that I not fall back into the old ways. I can use my children’s failures to help me not become prideful over any victory I am experiencing but to be grateful for the Lord’s work in my life and to give Him the glory for it. It should also allow me to be compassionate toward my children as they battle the same sin that I have and most likely am continuing to struggle with in some measure. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

When Steve and I face these kinds of situations of seeing our sin mirrored in our children, we begin discussing the problem and the solution with the child. Steve, as the spiritual head of our home, is the one who takes responsibility for initially addressing these kinds of sin issues. These difficulties offer good opportunities for heart-to-heart talks and then ongoing follow-up. Steve makes it a point to pull out practical application of the Word in our nightly family Bible time to the specific needs of the children. Often what sin one child is dealing with, another one may be as well.

Steve and I share with our children our failures and what the outcome has been through the years. We acknowledge to them that we know it has been our bad example that has opened the door for their sin. We discuss how the Lord has convicted us of that sin, how He has been teaching us to deal with it, and the changes we have experienced as a result.

In this particular case, here are verses of Scripture that might that apply to the problem and could be used in seeking to teach the Lord Jesus’ heart on the matter:

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house. (Proverbs 21:9)

A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing. (Proverbs 9:13)

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. (Proverbs 14:1)

It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. (Proverbs 21:19)

A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. (Proverbs 27:15)

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (Philippians 2:3)

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. (1 Peter 3:4)

Steve and I have found the one-on-one discussions are best to have at a time when the child is not in trouble for some wrong behavior. At the moment of failure, the child is often defensive and making excuses. However, if we plan for a time to spend alone with the child later on, first sharing the testimony of our failures and then discussing his need for change along with the applicable verses, then his heart is usually more open.

We can use these one-on-one discussions to begin the process of crying out to the Lord for victory over their sin. We will be a prayer warrior for our children in these struggles they are facing. We can pray with our child. Then the child can begin praying for himself daily to overcome the sin. We can also choose to pray for each other since we each know the other is wanting to be obedient in this area. Every time there is failure it will be another opportunity to pray since there will be confession, repentance, and asking of forgiveness.

As moms we want to point out and encourage our children’s successes in an area where they are wanting to change. We can bless them by helping them to notice the victories and to be grateful to the Lord Jesus for His work in their lives. We will also need to bring up the failures, if the children don’t do so first. Sometimes they won’t recognize their sin or will try to make excuses for it. Excuses are an indicator of pride in a child’s life, and that also needs to be worked with. Each failure is a step toward humility, if they will cast down pride, repent of sin, and choose to be obedient.

I also want to be aware of whether I have truly turned from the sin I see mirrored in my child’s life. Sometimes I may think there is spiritual growth over the sin, but in reality, I am still continuing to walk in the sin at least to some extent. I think this can be especially true in the area of controlling. It is good for our children to hear us acknowledge our sin and ask forgiveness for it.

“Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you” (Philippians 4:9). Paul tells his readers in this verse that his instruction to them of God’s Word and his personal example are the path they are to follow. This is important for us as mothers as well and very sobering since it bears with it great responsibility in our own personal obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ.

The path of instruction, example, and correction would apply to helping a child with any sin he is struggling with, not just a daughter who needs to stop controlling. We have the precious opportunity in our children’s lives to help them learn to obey Jesus Christ, depend on Him, and repent of their sin. Moms are generally with their children on a minute-by-minute basis, whereas our husbands are with the family for more limited amounts of time in the evenings and on the weekends because of their need to provide for the family. May we make the most of the mothering years we have with our children in helping and directing them in their spiritual walk with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Titus Two Encouragement for a Young Mother – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month I began answering questions posed to me by a mom with two small children. Her desire is to have many children and the energy to keep up with them all. At the age of fifty-one with eight children, three of whom are now adults age twenty-five and older, I can relate to her thoughts and concerns. I asked her permission to use her letter and answer her questions in these Mom’s Corners. As a reminder, here is the information she gave me with her questions:

“I have just two children. They are both very young, and I am very tired. I would love for our family to keep growing, and I dream of having LOTS of children, but I am worried about how I’m going to find the energy to keep up with everyone. I am having a hard time with my energy levels now. I do take naps nearly everyday. I am naturally a night owl, but would LOVE to be an early riser. I really need to get up earlier than everyone to get everything done in the day. But it seems hopeless to be able to do so. Do young children really take so much energy out of you like people say? I don’t like that excuse for being tired, but the daily chores of changing two diapers, changing two outfits, feeding two extra people, brushing mine and their teeth, and finally finishing about the time a snack or lunch is needed seems like it zaps my energy. Being overwhelmed when you are tired only makes things harder. I need some encouragement from those who have had their children close together, and any advice on how to keep myself healthy while having children and managing them.” A young mom (used with permission)

While I see waiting on the Lord as ultimately the most important aspect of gaining energy for being home with and raising little children, I also highly endorse the use of a daily schedule. Looking back on my days with little children, I realize what a bountiful blessing my schedule was. It gave direction for both my time and my children’s time. I had a concrete plan for the day—to accomplish the tasks I needed to do and to productively spend time with the children. The schedule became the framework for helping me receive more children into my family. The schedule gave me time to teach my children how to do their chores and become responsible. It helped me with my priorities for my time with my children such as reading to them, playing with them, doing preschool activities, and working with them.

I would encourage this mom that even though she is a night owl, she should get to bed at night early enough that she can wake up in the morning before the children. Her time in the Word is imperative to the daily preparation of her heart for her hours of mothering and homemaking. When we change habits, it takes prayer, effort, and determination. Upon choosing to begin going to bed at a reasonable time, one might lie in bed the first few nights unable to get to sleep. However, if we stay the course of going to bed and getting up at the determined times, we will soon find ourselves ready to go to sleep at the earlier bedtime.

I believe a schedule could be the key to finding solutions for the issues with which this young mom is struggling, beginning with her time in the Word. Working with the schedule, we can find the needed bedtime for our children so that we are waking them up when we want them to wake up in the morning—a time that is just after we have our personal Bible and prayer time. The schedule helps Mom, working with her husband, to find the proper time to go to bed each night so that she can arise in the morning to spend time with the Lord Jesus. It can also enable her to accomplish other early morning tasks she might want to do, such as making her husband’s lunch or exercising before he goes to work.

The schedule can ensure that a mom is receiving an adequate amount of sleep. Here is a link to a Mom’s Corner I wrote on the topic of sleep. If she is getting a good night’s sleep, has a nap in the afternoon, and is still tired during the day, she would probably want to seek medical attention to determine whether there is something causing her excessive tiredness such as a thyroid problem or other treatable medical condition. A day with busy children and toddlers does take energy, but shouldn’t, as this mom is indicating, cause her to be “very tired” and “zap my energy.”

Sometimes young mothers neglect a healthy diet and therefore undermine what would be of great benefit to them: to have the energy they need for their active and growing families. The time investment in preparing nutritious food will pay dividends in the family’s overall health and in developing good eating habits in the children. From the time my children were about two years of age, I began including them as meal preparation and cleanup helpers. When they were young, they were little real help, but they were productively occupied, learning new skills, and fellowshipping with Mommy. As they grew older, some of my time pressures were relieved because the children were able to do much of the kitchen work, reducing the amount of meal jobs that I had to accomplish.

Weather permitting, when the children were young, I always took them for a walk. That way I was getting exercise, and they were burning off some of their abundant energy. The walking was good for my health and the children’s as well. The mom who was asking these questions had also indicated to me that she wouldn’t feel safe walking in her neighborhood. In that case, if she has transportation, she could drive to a safer neighborhood.

Titus Two Encouragement for a Young Mother – Part 1

This was posted on by .

Recently a mom asked me some pertinent questions about life with young children. As stay-at-home-mommies, we want our days to be filled with joy, love, contentment, and fulfillment. Over and over others tell us that the years when our children are little go by quickly and that we should be treasuring each day. However, we may feel that those giving us counsel have long forgotten the fatigue of being up in the night with babies and sick children, the drudgery of mundane household tasks, and the loneliness without adult companionship. Here is specifically what was asked:

“I have just two children. They are both very young, and I am very tired. I would love for our family to keep growing, and I dream of having LOTS of children, but I am worried about how I’m going to find the energy to keep up with everyone. I am having a hard time with my energy levels now. I do take naps nearly everyday. I am naturally a night owl, but would LOVE to be an early riser. I really need to get up earlier than everyone to get everything done in the day. But it seems hopeless to be able to do so. Do young children really take so much energy out of you like people say? I don’t like that excuse for being tired, but the daily chores of changing two diapers, changing two outfits, feeding two extra people, brushing mine and their teeth, and finally finishing about the time a snack or lunch is needed seems like it zaps my energy. Being overwhelmed when you are tired only makes things harder. I need some encouragement from those who have had their children close together, and any advice on how to keep myself healthy while having children and managing them.” A young mom (used with permission)

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). I believe this verse is a key to the energy a mom needs when she has babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. Her strength comes from the Lord so that she can go through each day with high-energy children but not be weary or faint. This does not negate getting adequate rest, which I will discuss in part 2 of this Mom’s Corner series. However, it highlights the importance our daily relationship with Jesus Christ has on the practical aspects of having enough vigor for two small children and then perhaps even more children in the future.

Our daily lives involve a spiritual battlefield. These battles are waged in our minds, and they involve our thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” I have a choice set before me. I can look at the tasks that fill my day in one of two ways: with a self focus or with gratitude. When I take my thoughts captive, I fill my mind with thankfulness to the Lord Jesus for my children and for the fact that I am able to stay home with them. I rejoice in the opportunity I have to influence my children for Christ every single day. I think about the provision He has made for me and view the responsibilities He has given me in my home with happiness.

I can also choose to allow negative thoughts to enslave my mind. Then I become discouraged thinking about being lonely, not liking to change diapers, wanting more sleep, or my lack of freedom. I am entangled by my mental decision that “it” is too hard, and I am too tired. Essentially I make myself discontent by choosing unhappiness, which causes me to feel like I have no energy because I don’t want to face that for which I am not pleased.

Practically speaking, I would encourage this mom to take her thoughts captive in this way: When it is teeth brushing time, praise Jesus for being home with the children to brush their teeth. Thank Him for the home He has provided and a husband who is supporting his family. Smile at the children as you brush their teeth. Tell them how much they are loved by you, how wonderful they are, how you delight in being their mommy, and how you are looking forward to seeing what the Lord Jesus is going to do with their lives. Sing to them.

Do the same when you are getting them dressed in the morning. Keep your thoughts on Jesus and His goodness to you while you are joyfully interacting with your children. Make your words pleasant and cheerful whether you really feel like it or not. In making this choice, I believe a mom is waiting on the Lord. She is following what she knows He wants her to do, and I think the result will be the energy she desires.

There will come times when a mom is emotionally feeling down and discouraged, perhaps because of hormones or from physically being tired. Then grab hold of the encouragement found in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” In the midst of discouragement or weariness, we can still choose what we will do with our thoughts, and I truly believe as we take them off of ourselves and put them on Jesus, we will, as Isaiah says, “mount up with wings as eagles.” In that process, Jesus gets all the glory because His grace was sufficient and His strength was made perfect in our weakness.

When a mom has only one or two small children, it is the time in her life to cultivate a moment-by-moment communication with Jesus. With few or no adult interactions during the day, she can continually be talking with the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a time to: memorize Scripture (Psalms 119:11), rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4), in everything give thanks (1 Thessalonians 5:18), not be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6), be content (Philippians 4:11), do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Philippians 4:13). When my mind is filled with the Word, a desire to obey, and thoughts of Jesus, I am energized and joyful. It is during the moments when I start looking at myself that I become discouraged, and with the discouragement comes weariness.