All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

Bringing Up Children Who Will Love the Lord – Part 1

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Recently on MOTHBoard, the message board that supports the Managers of Their Homes book, we had a wonderful question. I felt it had such valuable universal application that I told the writer I would personally respond to her question in detail in a near-future Mom’s Corner. Here is what she wrote:

“My greatest desire for my child is that he will love the Lord with all of his heart. He is generally well behaved and obedient, but I have recently realized that I need to do a better job of stirring up godly appetites in his heart. I want to teach him to be a lover of God more than a lover of pleasure.

“There are two areas where I see my own need to improve: One is that I don’t think I have scheduled in enough work and responsibility for him. The other is that I am not a diligent person. I am too quick to settle for less effort, both on my part, and on his. I haven’t been purposely doing this, but now that I realize it, I am so sorry for it! I want to change, and I am claiming God’s promise that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

“I am going to re-read my Managers of Their Homes book, and re-write our schedule. Once I have done this, I plan to start joining the weekly accountability threads.

“Meanwhile, I would love any advice you have. I know that teaching our children to love God above all is a heart issue. However, I believe that our hearts are affected by the way we spend our time. I believe that our schedule has a VERY strong impact on our hearts. What do you put on your schedules that has actually brought fruit in your children’s lives, taught them to love the Lord, and to have a servant’s heart?

“We have silent Bible reading, as well as a time for reading the Bible together, and for memory work. He uses a Bible study book as part of his homeschool work. We also have a reading time right before bed. For the most part, we use books with a godly focus, such as the Moody Family books, Rod and Staff stories, etc. What more can I do to give him godly teachings and to help him apply these teachings to his life?” WhiterThanSnow

“And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). Certainly, most of us are familiar with these verses and would desire this outcome for our children just like WhiterThanSnow does for her son. The verses themselves give us some of the answers to the question of how one teaches their children to love the Lord Jesus. We will delve into that aspect as we continue. For now, I just wanted us to have read the verses that are the basis for the goal.

The other part of WhiterThanSnow’s desire for her son comes from 2 Timothy 3:4. Paul is describing the negative attributes of men in the last days with a scary, awful list of the actions and attitudes that will be prevalent at that time. One aspect is that men will be “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God.”

WhiterThanSnow nailed it pretty well when she said she wasn’t a diligent person, and perhaps that has been the reason for her son not being diligent either. There is an awesome reality that our children mirror what they see in our lives. Of course, that can work positively or negatively, but it seems children are usually more quick to catch the negative than the positive.

The appetites and passions that WhiterThanSnow has in her life will most likely become the ones that are in her son’s life. If WhiterThanSnow spends personal time in the Word and in prayer each morning before her son gets up and then at breakfast shares her excitement about what she has learned, he will desire to do the same thing. “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” (Psalms 63:1). “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). However, if there is no passion in WhiterThanSnow’s heart for her Lord as evidenced by the way she spends her time and what she talks about, she really can’t expect to find that passion in her son’s heart. Sadly that is often the case. We want an outcome for our children that isn’t the reality in our own lives.

When WhiterThanSnow digs into her morning chores with a smile on her face and a song on her lips, she will likely find her son beginning to do the same thing. “She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens” (Proverbs 31:15). “The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious” (Proverbs 12:27). “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4). Through this example, WhiterThanSnow can model for her son not only diligence in the task at hand but a love for the Lord Jesus Christ in the midst of the everyday jobs that fill many of our hours.

On the other hand, if WhiterThanSnow grumbles and complains about her workload and heads for the computer to read e-mails and blogs rather than tackling her housework, she reinforces the sin nature in her son that gravitates toward selfishness and laziness. “Do all things without murmurings and disputings” (Philippians 2:14). “I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man” (Proverbs 24:30-34).

Our lives are the starting place toward the goal of raising a child who is more a lover of the Lord Jesus Christ than he is a lover of pleasure. May we critically evaluate the example we are placing before our children, repent if our hearts have strayed from their first love or are lazy, and then ask the Lord to help us back on the path on which we need to be. As WhiterThanSnow said, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). While it may seem too hard to change or seem overwhelming in the current circumstances, the Lord gives us yet another encouragement: “. . . My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Next month we will continue to evaluate key ingredients in our children’s lives that will draw them to that love of their Savior.

Curricula Decisions Impact Homeschooling Success

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This is the time of year when many homeschooling moms are beginning to think and plan for their next school year. Homeschool conventions are on the horizon where materials can be purchased with no shipping fees. 2010 catalogs will be arriving in the mail with their spring-ordering specials. Discussions of the various homeschooling methods are the featured articles in the homeschool magazines. These are the days to be praying about what your homeschool will entail for this coming fall.

Our family is looking forward to starting its twenty-sixth year of home educating. For many years, I looked through catalogs searching for the perfect curricula that would address the problems I had faced the previous homeschool year. It took us about thirteen years of experimenting before we finally settled into what we used for the subsequent thirteen years and what we plan to continue using.

Regularly when I receive e-mail questions, they will revolve around the difficulty the mom is having for one reason or another with actually accomplishing school. She has an ideal in her mind based on what she knows of her chosen homeschool method, but she finds that living it out day-to-day simply doesn’t match the ideal.

Here is an example of one such e-mail.

“We homeschool, and I have always used the ???* approach. To be honest it’s just too much for me to handle right now. I’ve never been a textbook homeschooler because it always seemed like too much busy work. Now it’s hard to do anything, but I still need to school my seven children. Does your book lay everything out in a simple-to-implement way, and do you share what curriculum you use, or do I have to search it out for myself?” Sandi (*So as not to be negative about the homeschool approach Sandi was using, we chose not to give its name.)

Christian Homeschool Textbooks Are Effective

Thirteen years ago our family discovered that Christian textbooks were a productive and effective way to homeschool. I was pretty shocked that we actually liked using textbooks because all that I had read about homeschooling with textbooks was negative. We had moved to them mostly out of desperation because of our need to find something that would give our children a solid education while being manageable for us to accomplish. What a delightful surprise to find that not only did Christian textbooks accomplish our goals, but we enjoyed them as well.

After Sandi’s e-mail, I suggested to her that she begin using Christian textbooks and a daily schedule. That was last spring. Over the summer, she purchased her textbooks and put together a schedule. I have a progression of reports I want to share with you that document the comparison between this school year and previous one.

“Sept. 9—School went great. It was the best day I have ever had with school. The kids loved it. Our one-on-one time went great, and we were even able to finish early. This has been the best thing that has ever happened to our school. Finally, we are actually getting things done. I wish I had done this years ago. My twelve-year-old daughter is doing great. She just loves it. Our one-on-one time took only fifteen minutes today. She loves the tests, quizzes, and being independent. My seven-year-old son is doing super. He is so much more independent than I thought he could be. And the six-year-old is doing so well. He was so excited to start school. He was actually jumping around on Monday saying how much he loves school. The children even get up early to get started. It is just amazing to see this change in the children. I love doing schoolwork too!

“The only problem I am running into is with my ten-year-old son. He is a really slow reader, so if I want him to work on his grammar book on his own he can’t get through the entire lesson at one sitting. With math I just let him use times tables to do his lessons because he still doesn’t know his math facts. I have him do flash cards every day for fifteen minutes, but they never seem to stick. For science and history, I have him read a paragraph, and I read a paragraph. It takes a long time. When I tried to get him to read it himself he couldn’t get many of the words and got frustrated. Spelling is going really well for him. He is able to do that subject by himself.” Sandi

That report describes the beginning of the school year with some remarkable transformations occurring within just the first week. There were still struggles to be worked through, particularly with one of her children. However, those problems would have been there had she continued with her previous homeschooling method as well—perhaps they were even prolonged by it—and most likely they wouldn’t have been resolved.

Often the first week does go well, but what about six weeks later? Here is another glimpse into this “new” way of homeschooling using a very old, tried-and-true method of Christian textbooks.

“10/21—I’m so excited to tell you that school has been so good. This is the first year it has really been successful. We are getting everything done on time, and the children are really learning. My twelve-year-old girl loves it and my ten-year-old son is doing better. We are going much slower with science and history, but he is retaining what he is learning. Math is still challenging, but I’m just plucking away at it and encouraging him. His reading is starting to get better. We actually have three reading sessions scheduled in a day. I keep them short, but I’m trying to have him practice as much as possible. My husband and I make sure we pray for his ability to read every day, and we just keep doing the most we can with him.

“The rest of the children are doing really well. My six-year-old can be a little tough at times during school. He gets frustrated easily and will start to cry. I used to stop doing school when a child cried, but now I wait until he settles down, and we begin again. I always let my ten-year-old quit, and I know that is what has caused him to want to quit all the time when school gets hard. Now I have learned from my mistakes and keep going. I have learned so much about homeschooling with textbooks in the last six months, and it has transformed our family.

“The schedule is working super. I can’t imagine what I would do without a schedule. I never would be able to handle everything without having my schedule. It probably sounds funny, but I don’t think I could survive this time in my life without the schedule (and the Lord of course).” Sandi

Homeschool Textbooks Promote Diligence

How long does it take to see amazing progress when one sticks to a school schedule and uses textbooks for the curricula? Of course, Sandi has already shared in general what is going on in their homeschool and the advancement her children made within the first six weeks of school. This next snippet shows those exciting breakthroughs that often come through diligence, consistency, and persistence.

“12/14—My ten-year-old son has finally learned his multiplication facts!!!!! I never thought he would ever learn them. I just had to share that with you.” Sandi

It is now the end of February, and Sandi has been faithfully following her schedule, using the textbooks for six months. Here are her thoughts as she approaches the end of her first year of homeschooling with Christian textbooks.

“2/22—I have done so much school work with the children that three of them will be all done by the middle of April. In fact, the only thing they will be doing at the end of March and then through April will be phonics. My ten-year-old can’t handle as much schoolwork in a day so he won’t be done until the end of May. My other daughter, too, will be done by mid-April. I feel so blessed that I learned such an effective way to do it. My husband even commented about how the children are learning so much more this year. I too am amazed at how they are doing. This is the first year that I will actually finish all the books, and therefore the first year that I don’t feel discouraged. Oh, the years I wasted trying to find a method of homeschooling.”

I wonder if you might be a homeschool mom who is struggling with the actual outcomes of your current homeschooling method. Perhaps you are a mom who is considering homeschooling, and you are overwhelmed with all there is available to choose from as you try to decide how you will homeschool. Maybe the ideal of your homeschool method isn’t matching the reality of life in your home. I want to encourage you to consider the use of traditional, Christian textbooks for homeschooling. They have brought a multitude of benefits to our homeschool, to Sandi’s, and to many others’ as well.

If you want more information on reasons why textbooks are beneficial, here are links to two other Mom’s Corners I have written endorsing the use of Christian textbooks for homeschooling: Traditional Christian Textbook Curricula and A Voice for Traditional Christian Textbooks.

In addition, we now have a book called Managers of Their Schools that deals in depth with Christian textbook homeschool. This book answers the host of questions we have been asked through the years about how we homeschool, including which books we use in each grade for every subject. We give details about how we organize our homeschool materials and how textbooks facilitate not only our academic goals for our children but spiritual ones as well.

Scheduling information is found in Managers of Their Homes.

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 3

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In the first two parts of this series, I explained the family crises with which we were recently faced. One involved my mom’s health and the other our daughter-in-law’s miscarriage. We have been looking at the help Scripture gives us for dealing with the emotions these situations can create within us.  Because this is the final article in this series, I encourage you to go back and read the first two because the information in each one grows from the previous articles.

Last month, I detailed what happened with Melanie’s pregnancy. This month I will fill you in on my mom. Before our trip, my mom had become quite weak, and we had two doctor’s appointments, first with a family practice doctor and then with a cardiologist, to try to determine the problem. After several high-tech tests, her heart was determined to be doing well, and it was time for us to leave on our trip. While we were away, my mom had two other doctor appointments concerning her condition, and at her request, the decision had been made to postpone further medical appointments until after we returned home.

If you recall, we sat and talked with her the night after our arrival home from our trip after being gone for five weeks. We knew she was very weak, but now we observed that her speech was slurred. The evening before, we had seen her inability to chew and swallow. The other symptoms were concerning us, but these two particular ones were alarming. She and Dad had plans to join my sister and her family for a vacation in two weeks.

At this point, though, it became clear that Mom could most certainly not enjoy the vacation and perhaps she wouldn’t even survive it. The pulmonologist my mom had seen while we were gone had determined Mom’s lungs were fine but had recommended that she see a neurologist. That evening I e-mailed my dad’s neurologist at Kansas University Medical Center and explained my mom’s case history and symptoms. I pleaded with him to see her. The Lord certainly intervened on our behalf because he e-mailed the next morning and said she could have an afternoon appointment. Usually it takes several weeks or months to get a new-patient appointment with a doctor at Kansas University.

Within an hour, the neurologist had diagnosed my mom’s condition—myasthenia gravis. It is a serious autoimmune, neuromuscular disease where the communication between the nerves and muscles is broken down. He gave her a prescription and said it would work immediately. The medication has allowed her to be able to swallow, speak clearly, and do much more than she could do when she was at her worst. However, she still remains very weak and can’t accomplish much beyond making meals for herself and Dad each day plus daily life maintenance. She is now being treated to try to reverse the disease.

There are two passages of Scripture that would speak specifically to us in these kinds of situations. “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Can you imagine glorying in your tribulations? My natural response to trials is most certainly not to glory in them. I simply want to get through them and have them over—a kind of “grin and bear it” attitude. However, here I am told that I would choose to glory in these difficulties. The verse tells me why I would want to glory in them. It is because of the knowledge that they will develop several good qualities in my life, including patience, the ability to deal with future problems, and a growing faith in my Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is another verse, which is quite similar to Romans 5. “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4). In this passage of Scripture, the word “temptations” means trials or problems. To me these verses make it clear that the Lord wants me to make a decision as to how to respond to trials.

The verse doesn’t say that I will feel full of joy, but rather that I should count it as joy. In other words, I am to make a purposeful decision to have an attitude of joy. I don’t believe that means I am joyful over the situation, but rather I am joyful in my Lord Jesus Christ—no matter what happens. The reason I am to consider it as joy is because these situations are trials of my faith. Will I trust the Lord not only through the easy times, but also through the valleys filled with pain or suffering?

I have faced trials of life both ways, in the flesh and in the Spirit. In the flesh the misery of the situation is compounded by the self-pity, negative thoughts, and fear that I have allowed to overwhelm and demoralize me. However, when I glory in tribulations and count them as joy, the problems still remain, but my heart is not weighed down. There is a steadfast peace in my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit that allows me to do what I need to do in the situation with a heart resting in the Lord Jesus Christ.

The situations we faced with my mom and with Melanie after our trip involved major interruptions to our normal daily-life schedule. Because we have a schedule to help us accomplish what we need to do each day, I was free to help in other ways when my time priorities were temporarily rearranged. I am to be busy about the Lord’s work. Usually that means I am teaching homeschool, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, and other household tasks. However, for a season, those tasks were turned over to my girls, and my time was invested in doctor’s appointments with my mom. I also spent time at Nathan and Melanie’s helping with Abigail and doing cooking over there. My heart’s desire is to be used as the Lord wants me to be used, and my schedule helps me be available when there are unusual interruptions to the schedule such as these.

In each of our lives we will have problems, difficulties, trials, hardships. Some are quite major and catastrophic while others are minor and inconsequential. When confronted each of these kinds of situations, we have a decision to make. Will we allow our minds to be self-focused and full of pity consuming our thoughts with gloom and doom? Will we choose to glory in the problem and count it as joy? We have comfort from the Comforter, strength from the Strong One, and peace from the Peaceful One.

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 2

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Last month, I began the Mom’s Corner by telling about the crises we faced when we returned from our last speaking trip. Our daughter-in-law was having indications of a miscarriage, and my mom was having serious, undiagnosed health problems. Here is a link to that article with more of the details of the problems and beginning thoughts about how we deal with difficulties when they arise.

The day after Nathan and Melanie received the negative lab results, the doctor wanted her to have an ultrasound. Because of the many ultrasounds Melanie has had with previous high-risk pregnancies problems and the bad news they often have carried with them, Nathan and Melanie dreaded ultrasounds. This one was certainly going to be the same. From the miscarriage symptoms Melanie was experiencing plus the lab report, they knew full well what the ultrasound would show—their precious little baby with no heartbeat.

As the technician began the ultrasound, Nathan and Melanie heard her say, “The heartbeat looks good. Do you want to see your baby?” Totally expecting to hear the exact opposite words, it took a few moments for the news to sink into their hearts. They asked her whether she really meant there was a heartbeat, and she assured them that she did. Emotions went from grief to elation, but with reservations because of the other information that was indicating a miscarriage.

We continued to pray fervently for the baby, but the next lab work didn’t show any improvement in the hormone levels. By the third draw, the hormones had actually dropped, and other miscarriage signs continued. Again an ultrasound was ordered, but this time the results were what had been anticipated the first time. Melanie miscarried the next day.

Some of you have probably experienced a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages, the loss of a baby because of prematurity, or even the death of a baby or child after birth. Perhaps it was the death of a husband or another loved one. Maybe you are dealing with serious health or financial problems. Maybe your struggles are small as compared to these kinds of difficulties, but they are still issues you must face and deal with emotionally.

As we face these kinds of trials, we begin with a focus on the Lord, knowing that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. That was the thrust of last month’s article.

One way that we can put our eyes on the Lord is demonstrated to us in His Word.

“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Our trials can seem to be too big, too painful, and too difficult to get through. However, when we realize that the time we pass in the midst of those problems is very small compared to the time we will spend in eternity, our hearts can be encouraged. Pain doesn’t last forever for the believer.

In addition, we aren’t left to try to manage disappointment, pain, grief, or any other emotion that comes from the crises of our lives alone. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 tells us: “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.”

God’s comfort is offered to me, but I have discovered that I have to receive it. When I allow my thoughts to think the worst, feel sorry for myself, determine that it is too hard, or question and blame God for what has happened or is happening, I am putting up a barrier that doesn’t let me experience His comfort. The focus is pity for myself at that moment, and it keeps me from experiencing His comfort, grace, and strength.

I have a responsibility as to what I will do with my thoughts. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Look at what Job did with his thoughts in his greatest moment of emotional pain: “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” (Job 1:20-22). I want to have Job’s response of worshipping my Lord Jesus in the midst of the very smallest to the very biggest trials that I face.

When those fearful, overwhelmed, negative emotions try to rise up within me as I face a crisis or even a simple problem, here is what Paul did and what I am to do too. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). “Be careful for nothing” means that I am not to worry or be anxious. Certainly my natural response to difficulties is to be fearful, think the worst, or fret about it. Here we see that in every thing – big or small – I bring my request to God. I am not to do it with muttering, complaining, and self-pity, but rather with thanksgiving.

The result of that prayer is the peace of God. We have peace because the problem isn’t ours to bear responsibility for or to solve. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). If we feel the yoke is hard or the burden heavy, then we know that we haven’t given over the responsibility to the Lord Jesus. We are still carrying it ourselves or pushing to lead in the yoke when we should be following. Here again we are reminded of where our cares should be placed. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Next month I want to let you know what has happened with my mom and share more thoughts on what we do when life seems to turn upside down. I pray for each of you facing normal or unusual difficulties that your thoughts can move to eternity, that you will experience God’s comfort, that you will worship your Lord, and that you will cast all your cares on Him.

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 1

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We returned home from our five-week fall speaking trip on a Sunday evening. Settling back in after being gone several weeks requires the all-out effort of every family member. We busily began our unpacking routine, but by Monday evening we were faced with two major crises.

Late Monday afternoon, Melanie, our daughter-in-law, received word that her weekly blood tests, to monitor her pregnancy hormones, had recorded a drop indicating an impending miscarriage. Nathan and Melanie had struggled with infertility for five years. When the Lord finally opened Melanie’s womb, their little Susannah only lived three days. Then came the blessing of Abigail, now one and a half years old. Melanie had experienced a miscarriage in February of this year, and now it appeared that it was happening again.

After receiving the news from the doctor, Melanie called to ask for help with Abigail until Nathan was able to get home so she could sort through her emotions. Abigail ended up coming over to our house where her “aunties” played with her while I stayed with Melanie. We prayed, talked, read Scripture, and cried.

During this time, Steve felt the Lord putting it on his heart to go over to my parents’ house to talk with them. We all live within a block of each other, so these interactions are very convenient. My mom was having some serious health problems, which had begun just before our trip, for which we were all concerned. Her family practice doctor had sent her to a cardiologist who determined her heart was fine after several extensive tests. The cardiologist had sent her to a pulmonologist who had determined her lungs were fine after a few more tests. The pulmonologist suggested a neurologist.

Since we were to soon be home from our trip, the decision was made to wait for our return to decide what to do next. As Steve sat and talked with my mom that evening, he saw that her face was droopy and her speech was slurred. We already knew she was so weak she could hardly walk from one room to the next and that by the end of the day she couldn’t swallow her food. I joined them at the end of their conversation, and both Steve and I were quite alarmed by the extreme deterioration of my mom’s physical state.

We all face trials, struggles, and tribulations. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 provides us with a description of how Paul felt in the midst of the deep trials of life and the outcomes he experienced: “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.”

I would have to say that Paul’s troubles were far more than any you or I will likely face. Here is a list of many of the trials Paul experienced. “Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:25-28).

Paul had physical persecution and also the emotional strain of spiritually caring for and leading the churches. Through these particular struggles, Paul felt the same emotions that we feel when we have problems. However, he wasn’t overcome and overwhelmed by those emotions. His goal in the midst of the difficulties was that Jesus would be glorified.

When all is going as we have planned, when we can handle it, when we have it all together, what need is there for the Lord Jesus? What glory does He receive? However, when it is beyond our strength and outside of our personal resources, and we choose to rely on the Lord Jesus, Who gets the praise? “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

“For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). In these verses, Paul says he despaired of life, but from 2 Corinthians 4:8, we know he was not in the depths of emotional despair. His situation was simply so desperate that he didn’t think he would live. In the midst of those kinds of circumstances, he had learned not to trust in himself but in God.

That kind of trusting comes about through the grace of the Lord. Again, Paul helps us with the practical life application. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

It is amazing to me that Paul could say he would glory in the struggles he faced because they provided the opportunities for God’s grace and power to be seen. That is the attitude I want to have when there are crises that happen in my life or the lives of those I love. I desire that my focus would come off the problems and onto the One Who helps us through our difficulties.

There is much more I would like to share on this topic, so I will continue it next month. Plus I will be able to tell you the outcomes of the situations with my mom and Melanie. In the meantime, may I encourage you as you face trials in your life to realize that the excellency of the power is of God and not of you. Would you look on your problems as opportunities to see God’s grace and power in your life?

Walking in the Light – Part 2

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This month we are continuing our discussion concerning how we can deal with our feelings when we are spiritually different from those whom we usually find ourselves surrounded by, both Christians and non-Christians. To read last month’s article, see Part 1.

Here is the e-mail request that began this series of articles:

It would be great to have an encouraging Corner, one about how our walk is so very different from what even other Christians’ walks are.

It’s not easy making conservative Christian choices, even more so for a single, conservative Christian mom—there’s got to be more than one of me out there—a mom who’s the mom and the earner, who requires her children to obey, has modesty standards, limits outside influence and has her focus on the raising of her family, and having to do that alone.

Yet what’s really interesting is that every time I’m about to give in to what the world tempts, God steps in to remind me, usually through somebody else or somebody else’s situation, that the conservative choices I, or we, have made, are the right ones.

Being different from others often creates a sense of loneliness in our hearts. We may find ourselves longing for like-minded fellowship and companionship. This loneliness isn’t unique to us. Look at Paul’s experience with being different and the results in his life: “At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:16-18).

Here we observe Paul’s reaction to being so different that he was left completely alone, and he was the only one left standing for God’s truth. First we see he had a forgiving spirit toward those who had wronged him. Next, he didn’t focus on his sense of loneliness, nor did he make finding others who were like him his priority. He most certainly didn’t compromise or change his message.

Paul chose to continue to be busy about the work the Lord Jesus had given to him. His mind and heart were fastened on that work, which is then where he put his thoughts. He could continue in what he needed to do because the Lord stood with him. He didn’t have to stop for a season to find others who would support the truth he held so dear. He looked to the Lord for strength and continued to preach the message of the Lord Jesus.

I believe we can learn from Paul’s experience with loneliness. The consequences of his being different were much greater than the consequences of our being different. He faced physical persecution, imprisonment, and banishment in addition to his loneliness. Yet he continually stood firm. For the time being in our nation, when we choose to follow the Lord Jesus in all aspects of our lives, our persecution is not actual physical hardship like Paul experienced. We are different, perhaps lonely, and often we face peer and family pressure, but we are not fearful for our lives.

The following verses give us the Lord’s direction for how we should face any hardships that we would have in our lives as a result of standing firm on the truth of the Word. “Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:1-4).

Just like Paul, we are to be strong in the grace that is in Jesus Christ. We are to endure any difficulties that come our way because we belong to the Lord Jesus, we are fighting His battles, and we want to please Him. Our loneliness gives us opportunity to turn our focus fully on the Lord Jesus and off the distractions of this world.

In these situations, we find there is no comfort except the comfort of Jesus Christ. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6). The Lord gives us comfort in our struggles, and He has a purpose in our learning to lean on His comfort, grace, and strength. We will pass on to others in need what we have learned.

While we may feel like the only ones making the choices we are making, it is probably much the same as it was with Elijah. “God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. Wot ye not what the scripture saith of Elias? how he maketh intercession to God against Israel, saying, Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life. But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal” (Romans 11:2-4).

Elijah was convinced he was the only one who was remaining faithful to God, but there were seven thousand others who were just like him. He simply didn’t know them. He wasn’t able to have fellowship with them or be encouraged by them. Isn’t it interesting that the Lord didn’t tell Elijah to go find some of the seven thousand? Instead He wanted Elijah to remain faithful to the call He had put on his life.

We may grow weary in our walk when there aren’t others who are like-minded to encourage us. However, Scripture has direction for us in this as well. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9).

As we remain in the Word, growing in our walk with the Lord Jesus, we gain direction for our daily lives and strength to follow through with commitment. We can choose to let our minds be filled with thoughts of self-pity because of a lack of like-minded fellowship, letting this consume us and our time. Or we can serve the Lord Jesus, learning how He is a Friend like no other. May we be women who will steadfastly stay obedient to what Jesus has taught us even when we are different from others around us.

Walking in the Light – Part 1

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One of the most frequent problems we hear of from families is their feeling of being different. Certainly they are different from the world, but most generally they are also different from other Christians. Here is a recent request we received concerning these situations:

It would be great to have an encouraging Corner, one about how our walk is so very different from what even other Christians’ walks are.

It’s not easy making conservative Christian choices, even more so for a single, conservative Christian mom—there’s got to be more than one of me out there—a mom who’s the mom and the earner, who requires her children to obey, has modesty standards, limits outside influence and has her focus on the raising of her family, and having to do that alone.

Yet what’s really interesting is that every time I’m about to give in to what the world tempts, God steps in to remind me, usually through somebody else or somebody else’s situation, that the conservative choices I, or we, have made, are the right ones.

What I would like to say concerning the encouragement of our hearts when we are different from others around us will apply to women who are single as well as moms who have husbands. Those of us who face our uniqueness in raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) as a husband and wife team will struggle with the peer pressure of other Christians. For the single mom, it will be even harder because she doesn’t have the benefit of having a husband who will lead and support her.

“Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

In these verses, we see the importance for a single mom of her relationship with the Lord Jesus. He is that One Who will lift her up and warm her heart. If, in her busyness with life, she doesn’t make time to spend in the Word, she will flounder in her personal spiritual walk and in her commitment to what the Lord Jesus is calling her family to in obedience to Him.

In a threefold cord that is not easily broken, we also are made aware of how needful it is for a husband and wife, even though they are in agreement, to have the Lord Jesus Christ as that third part of the cord.

The foundation for maintaining an obedient walk with the Lord Jesus Christ is in our personal and family time in the Word. The more we are in the Word, the more we will know the direction the Lord Jesus is calling our families. “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalms 119:105). We are often amazed when we come into contact with likeminded families that the one thing they have in common is a love for and hunger for the Word, which manifests itself in a commitment to having daily time in the Word as individuals and as a family.

Time in the Word helps us to know that our choices are biblical. We are basing those decisions on Scripture, not on what others are saying and doing. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17.)

Time in the Word will allow us to discern if we begin to follow another family, a person, or our own whims rather than the Bible. “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).

Finally, time in the Word is the basis for the spiritual growth we need if we want to walk in obedience to the light the Lord Jesus has given to us. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). The only way to stand firm when others criticize what we are doing or try to conform us to what they think we should be is to be spiritually strong and grounded. “Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:3-4).

Being different from other Christians can cause us to doubt what the Lord Jesus has called us to do. We might wonder whether we could truly know what Scripture is instructing us to do when so many others are making other choices. That is why being in the Word is non-optional for us. We have to know the basis for what we are doing so that we can be committed to it with steadfastness. “For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world” (Titus 2:11-12).

The starting place for how we deal with our feelings when we are different from other Christians is in our commitment to being in the Word. This time in the Word gives us direction for our lives, grounding in decisions, and spiritual strength. May we be women who make time for the Word and delight in what it brings to our lives.

The Kitchen Cleanup Dilemma

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This Mom’s Corner comes from a request that we had for practical advice concerning how to get children to do what they are supposed to do. Here are the details:

“My concern and quest for help begins in the kitchen. A background on my children is that they are EXTREMELY happy children, almost to a fault. What I mean is that they do not know when to STOP laughing, giggling, and being silly, in order to get down to business. We have used your ChorePack system and for the most part it works wonders in keeping my home clean and well ordered. I especially love that the non-readers can have responsibilities without my prodding constantly.

“My trouble is in the kitchen. They are each assigned a task to do for ‘KP’. They complete this task after every meal. I am there to inspect after it is done, and during the task I am there to ensure that they are doing it. The trouble is that they do the task sloppily, they goof off half the time, and I feel as if I am nagging them to continue.

“I have tried different approaches to solving this problem, including various consequences. Some seemed too harsh for the offense, while others just didn’t work. I have tried offering rewards. That didn’t seem to motivate for the duration either.

“The other day I had a wrapped gift I had found as we unpacked our boxes from another move. I set it on the table, and everyone was very interested. I told them that they could open it if everyone did their KP WELL and without talking. I left the room to go unpack boxes. They enjoyed their usual meal filled with giggles and noises, and then all of a sudden my house was QUIET!! Not too long after, I heard one or the other begin giggling and chatting, and I thought, ‘Oh well, that didn’t work too well.’ I walked out to find a PERFECTLY cleaned kitchen!! I was not only floored but somewhat disappointed that it took a wrapped gift on the table to accomplish that for which I have been striving for YEARS!!

“I asked my eldest son later (age 12), ‘What could I do to get my children to clean quietly like that when there ISN’T a reward waiting?’ He wisely said, ‘Well, this is just an idea . . . but you could ask a woman who has older children and has some more ideas than you!!’ Here I am asking you for some ideas, advice, and prayer!! I am seeing that I am training my children to disobey me, not the goal for any of us. I have gone to the Lord through James 1 and am believing that He WILL give me the wisdom I need to train my children in the way they should go!!”

I opened this Mom’s Corner with all of the details from the question we received because I felt that most of us could relate to the mom’s situation and struggles. She has tried many ways to get her children to do what they should do, but she isn’t having the success she would like to achieve. This then can easily lead to discouragement for Mom.

She has started right where she needs to begin—by depending on the Lord and crying out to him. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. . .” (James 1:5-6). We know that when we are weak, without answers, the Lord Jesus is strong. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. . .” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

I believe what is being dealt with here is very normal childish behavior. Scripture speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 13:11. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Children are simply children—full of life, excitement, and most certainly childish ways. We can expect them to act like children while they are children. Our goal is to help them mature into a godly adult with a heart to serve and obey Jesus. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

This is a gradual process best facilitated little by little with loving encouragement, gentleness, and consistent consequences. Here are two verses that support this approach, “The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning” (Proverbs 16:21). “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little” (Isaiah 28:10).

What we want to have happen as we disciple and teach our children is to tell them what they are to do, demonstrate it for them, watch them do it, encourage them, and then have them do it perfectly from then on. However, that simply isn’t the way it always works. Remember with me and say it to yourself again, “They are just children.” It takes a mom’s ongoing time, effort, and consistency to achieve the desired goal.

In this case, as in almost every case that involves children’s behavior, consistency of consequence is more important than the actual consequence itself. It isn’t the exact consequence that matters most, but it is the utilizing of the consequence every time it is needed. It is likely that even though this mom has been in the kitchen with the children, she hasn’t been consistent with her consequences.

Let’s take a very normal problem and assign it a consequence. The problem is that a child isn’t doing his cleanup job but instead is reading the mail sitting on the kitchen counter. If we have designated ten minutes of sitting on a chair during free time as a consequence for a child who isn’t doing his kitchen work, then we would give that consequence. I am certain that if the consequence is given and utilized EVERY time the child begins to read the mail, he will soon stop doing it and stick to his task.

What happens, though, is that we remind the child to get back to work or he will receive the consequence. He stops reading but soon is back to it, and again we remind him to do his job. We would do better in teaching our children to be responsible by giving them the consequence right away and giving it consistently every time. If we make it a simple consequence like sitting on a chair during free time, we are more likely to actually use the consequence. If the consequence is difficult to implement or if we feel it is too hard, we will tend to continue with the reminders to help the children avoid it.

We know the children in the example can do what they are supposed to do because they did the job the mom wanted them to do when she had a reward for them—a wrapped present to be opened upon the successful completion of KP. A reward like that is okay once in a while, but we desire that our children learn to do what they should do simply because they need to do it, not because there is a reward for it. This mom found through her little experiment with the package that her children were very capable of doing what she was asking them to do, doing it well, and doing it in a timely fashion. Now she just wants to continue with her training and discipline to bring her children to maturity in doing these things without rewards, reminders, or consequences.

Personally, I would work toward having the children become responsible in their jobs but allowing them to talk and enjoy each other’s fellowship as they are in the kitchen together. In our family, this is one of the greatest blessings of tackling a job as a group—being able to talk as we work. While the children are fellowshipping through their KP duties, their work will go much more quickly and they are building those lifelong relationships. Our family loves working together. However, talking can lead to goofiness, which undermines the task at hand, so there have to be consequences that are set in place for playing rather than working and for not doing a good job.

Consider making the consequence for poor quality work having to redo the job during the child’s free time. Since this is an after-lunch cleanup, if a child is required to redo several of his jobs, it will most likely mean he isn’t ready to start the afternoon’s schoolwork on time. Then are two choices. The first possibility would be to have him redo the poor or undone work right then, and begin school later. For however much later school is started, it would go that much later in the day. For example, let’s say it is 12:55 when Mom inspects the kitchen and sees a child’s work that needs to be redone. She calls her child to redo the work, and it takes him until 1:15 to accomplish the tasks. School was to begin at 1:00, so he now has to go fifteen minutes later in the afternoon with school than he normally would go.

The second possibility would be to begin school at the scheduled time, and then when free time arrives, have the child redo his work. For example, if the child didn’t load the dishes into the dishwasher after lunch and some of those dishes are needed for an afternoon snack, he could be required to wash and dry the dishes by hand. However, if the dishes aren’t needed until dinnertime, there might be opportunity after school for him to redo his job. Which way to work the consequence would depend on whether the chore has to be accomplished correctly for other aspects of the day to continue.

If the consequence, consistently used, isn’t working, then one raises the impact of the consequence. In this case, the mom could begin adding extra time doing other jobs, doing schoolwork, or for a younger child, sitting on a chair. If that isn’t working, add more time. But remember with me, and say it to yourself again, “I have to be consistent.” If your consequence isn’t working, reevaluate whether you are being consistent.

This mom might try to give her children an incentive to move through their work in a timely fashion, such as free time before the next scheduled activity. For example, breakfast cleanup could be scheduled for a half hour, but you know it should only take fifteen minutes. If the children are working efficiently, they will have fifteen minutes of free time before school starts. However, if they goof off during their meal cleanup, they would be using up their free time. If that happens, then it really doesn’t matter much because it was just their free time that was impacted. Just be careful, though, not to always use rewards and thereby teach your children to work only if there is a reward.

I have regularly dismissed all the kitchen helpers and left the work to one child whom I observed not doing his work. Extra work for our children has been a good consequence that I can use consistently. I would also consider using extra work for the child who isn’t doing a good job with his task—give him a sibling’s job in addition to his own work—particularly if this could reward the child who is being thorough and diligent with his work, releasing him from it for a day or two or more.

After sharing, in a much briefer fashion, these thoughts and suggestions with the mom who wrote the introductory question, she responded a short while later with this result:

“I have really taken your counsel to heart, especially the encouragement to be consistent and the ideas to add more work for those trying to sneak out of work!! I can assure you that these, perhaps obvious, thoughts have truly brought PEACE to my home after each meal!! It was really helpful for me to hear from you that my children WILL grow into maturity!! I believe this is true AS LONG AS I train them in that right direction.”

Using consequences consistently is vitally important to gaining results in teaching our children to do what the need to do. We also want to remember that they are children and not expect adult behavior from them. Look back at their level of responsibility two years ago, and it is likely there has been progress. Two years in the future, it will have progressed even further. May I encourage you to lovingly, gently, and consistently tackle any areas with your children—like KP—that have had you discouraged? I believe you will be happily surprised with the results.

Homeschooling with Textbooks

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Homeschooling with textbooks is a simple, practical, and productive way to homeschool. Here is a real life testimonial of a mom who moved to homeschooling with textbooks after trying other ways to homeschool.

“I am reviewing my cherished, Managers of Their Schools book and have been so blessed by it this past year. I was one of those who was completely against textbook learning, but after reading your book last year, the case was proved, and there is no going back for our family.

“I knew the first month would be awful, and it was but so worth it. The children (10, 9, 7, 5, and 3 at the time) were so used to a fully mom-directed schooling and ‘entertaining’ school. So some new character traits had to be learned – self-discipline and hard work even when it is not enjoyed to name the top two, had to be worked through. Now we all love our textbook learning, I have more time with the younger children, and the children are proud of their work and work well.

“The children asked if they could use textbooks from here on out. Character is the main reason we homeschool, and this style truly helped. Anyway, I have found your curriculum choices to be of great wisdom, and they have been right on for our family as well.”

Homeschool Textbooks

With August upon us, those who are homeschooling are probably preparing for a new school year. Because we receive so many e-mails from homeschooling moms, we have become aware of the major areas of struggles with which they will wrestle. A large number of their problems could possibly be solved very simply—by changing their method of homeschooling. Their method of homeschooling is putting unnecessary pressure on them, and they are suffering with the burden of it. They continue with the way they have been homeschooling because they believe if they change methods they will do their children a disservice. Plus the way they are homeschooling appeals to them either intellectually or to their mommy hearts even if the practical side isn’t very successful. Because of these issues, I want to take this Mom’s Corner to once again recommend a style of homeschooling that many have dismissed without much, if any, consideration—Christian textbook homeschooling.

There are two past Mom’s Corners when I addressed this same recommendation. Here are links to them: May 2005 Mom’s Corner and May 2003 Mom’s Corner. In these articles, I encouraged those who were satisfied with their method of homeschooling to skip reading the rest of the Mom’s Corner. Truly, if you are content with how you homeschool and it is successful for you, we don’t want to dissuade you from what you are doing. However, as we continue to hear from moms having difficulties in their homeschooling lifestyle and also hearing very positive comments from those who are switching to textbooks, we feel the need to become more overt in our encouragement for homeschool families to consider Christian textbooks. It is not our desire to put down other homeschooling methods but to see families successful. We are grateful for everything that helps, supports, and allows families to homeschool. More and more, though, we are aware of families who are so frustrated with homeschooling for that they are sending their children back to a public or private school. It isn’t their heart’s desire for this to happen, but they haven’t been successful with their homeschooling either because of the demands on Mom’s time, because school wasn’t consistently accomplished, or because the children weren’t learning. Would it have been necessary to give up homeschooling if they had tried using textbooks?

Textbooks Help the Homeschool Mom

As we become more convinced that textbooks facilitate not only the education of a homeschooled child but also allow a homeschool mom to keep up with the needed demands on her time, we are taking a bigger step in becoming proactive advocates of textbooks. Please, though, don’t misunderstand us. We are not saying you have to use Christian textbooks to successfully homeschool. Nor are we saying it is the only way to homeschool. We are simply suggesting homeschool families consider textbooks as a possibility, especially if they are having any problems with accomplishing school, with their children’s education, or with continuing to homeschool.

In a nutshell, the testimony that introduces this article says well what I would like to convey. Most of us didn’t consider homeschooling with Christian textbooks when we began homeschooling. After all, we were told in the materials we read about homeschooling, that if we used textbooks to school our children we would be bringing school into our homes—something we were encouraged not to do. We were also told that our children would be bored with textbooks, and that they would dislike learning if we used texts. We were encouraged to try out other methods of homeschooling—ones that would entice our children to learn, be more fun, and be more exciting.

As we work with homeschool moms and listen to their pleas for help, we wonder why textbooks have a negative reputation in homeschooling circles. Their benefits are numerous, and they solve so many of the problems with which homeschooling families are struggling. Our personal experience with Christian textbooks is very positive, and we are hearing that same result from other families who have switched to textbooks. We moved away from twelve years of other homeschooling methods to textbooks, which we have used for twelve years, and we plan to remain with textbooks for our last six years of homeschooling. As other moms are switching to textbooks, they are also finding positive changes in their homeschool environment quite similar to the mom in the note who introduced this article. These benefits are causing them to be excited about homeschooling with textbooks, and they don’t have a desire to go back to other methods they have left behind.

Because of the homeschooling style the mom whose testimony we have shared with you had been using, she knew that it would take some effort on her part to reestablish learning patterns in her children. Her children had become accustomed to learning only if Mom made it entertaining, exciting, appealing, and enticing. The reality of that type of homeschooling is that it is quite exhausting for Mom. You would think children would be sad about leaving that fun style of homeschooling. However, after one year of using textbooks, these children themselves didn’t want to return to their old method. They were happy with the change and have requested to continue homeschooling as they have been the past year.

Homeschool Textbooks Facilitate Independent Learners

Textbooks are just plain practical. Many of the other homeschool methods are totally dependent on Mom continually having the proper books, supplies, motivation, and time to direct the learning and educational activities. If Mom isn’t available or just happens to be working with another child, school is put on hold. With textbooks, children can be independent learners. They work at their own pace. If they happen to need help but help isn’t immediately available, they move to another section of their book or another subject that they can do by themselves. With the older children being able to do much of their work on their own, Mom’s time can be invested with the younger children, who are still learning to read, and with the older children in the particular areas where they struggle.

We find textbooks give our children a thorough education. They don’t leave gaps in a child’s learning like other methods may be prone to do. I had often read that textbooks were boring, and if I used them to homeschool, my children would dislike learning. However, our experience over the years of using textbooks for our homeschooling is that they aren’t boring nor do they stifle my children’s joy in learning. Instead the education those textbooks provide our children equips them to research their own projects and move into autonomy in their learning.

Textbooks Provide Opportunities for Real Learning

For many homeschool families, we wonder if their homeschool method is causing their children to grow up with an appetite to learn only if the material is exciting, interesting, and fun. Moms usually have to work very, very hard to keep their homeschool in these enticing realms where their children are willing to put forth the needed effort to learn. This in itself can become wearying for Mom. What will children, who grow up with this type of homeschooling, think about reading the Bible? It is simply a normal kind of book to be read and applied to our lives. Will their hearts be drawn to wanting to spend time in the Word or will it not measure up to the kind of learning to which they have become accustomed?

In addition, in real adult life, we sometimes get to learn what we find to be interesting. More often, however, we learn because we need to learn – whether we like what we are to learn and how it is presented or not. In our family, our children mostly enjoy their textbook learning, but there are times when they don’t prefer the subject matter such as when they come to the elements of the periodic table in science. What they gain by this kind of textbook experience, is that they can apply themselves to learn an area in which they aren’t interested, and it is okay.

Through the use of textbooks, our testimonial family learned self-discipline and how to work hard. Rather than the children being unhappy about that and wanting to return to their old method of homeschooling, they are proud of their work and their ability to work well. They want to stay with their textbooks.

I want to encourage homeschool moms to evaluate what is happening in their homeschools. Have the methods and materials burdened Mom down? Is your method giving your children an excellent education? Are you consistently keeping up with your homeschooling? Are your children independent learners, or do they have to rely upon Mom to keep school going? As a solution to many of the problems homeschool families are experiencing with their homeschooling, I would like to suggest the possibility that textbooks would provide the solutions.

(If you are interested in more detail concerning the benefits of textbook homeschool, you can find it in our newest book, Managers of Their Schools: A Practical Guide to Homeschooling. Plus Managers of Their Schools gives much practical homeschooling information in general and specifically about how to use textbooks plus our curricula choices.)

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure – Part 3

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(We hadn’t realized we never completed a series we started earlier this year! So, here is the final part.) This month I want to finish the response to the questions contained in this e-mail:

“I was just reading your latest Mom’s Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight month olds. I don’t feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done such as when it comes to getting the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard.” Mom to Five

You can read the first two parts of this series of articles here.

To tackle the complaining about chores, doing school, or not having enough play time, much of what was shared in parts one and two of these articles will apply. In this case, once again, the consequences have to be consistent and effective. The children who complain about chores could be given more chores to do, which is a very natural consequence. However, with little children it can be difficult to come up with additional chores that they are capable of accomplishing since they can do so few chores on their own in the first place.

When our younger children complained about chores or school, I often used chair time as a consequence. Since their grumbles were linked to their desire to play rather than do what they needed to do, the consequence was designed to impact what they preferred to do while at the same time making it counterproductive to complain. If it wasn’t convenient for them to sit their chair time right at that moment, I wrote a note so that at lunchtime or later in the afternoon, the child would have his consequence.

As would frequently happen in our home, a child would likely make an excuse for his complaining, tell me he wasn’t grumbling, or argue about his consequence. I usually started with five minutes of chair-sitting time. When the excuses or arguing began, I said, “The time is now ten minutes.” If it continued (as often happened because the first try didn’t work), I would say, “The time is now fifteen minutes.” We had a couple of times where a child worked his way up to forty-five minutes. However, we felt the consequence was reasonable and so much better than becoming entangled in an argument with the child.

These two verses were the main ones we used with our children concerning complaining and why they shouldn’t grumble. “Do all things without murmurings and disputings” (Philippians 2:14). “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17). The first verse is the directive not to complain, and the second verse provides the instruction of what the child’s heart attitude is to encompass.

Something to take into consideration concerning both the children’s bickering and their complaining would be other influences. The more time children spend playing with friends, the more likely that they will be dissatisfied with their sibling playmates. They come to prefer their friends over their brothers and sisters. In addition, they are usually learning negative attitudes from their friends that they bring home and with which they begin to afflict their family members. Influences that cause unkindness among siblings might also be coming from other activities where our children are around other children. Being exposed to the typical child’s foolishness can lead our children to mirror that same foolishness in their lives with their brothers and sisters.

The same problems would go for the amount of time children spend watching TV. TV impacts children’s attitudes toward each other adversely, and it fosters a spirit of complaining when the children are required to do activities like chores and school that take away from TV time.

This mom also indicated that she doesn’t feel like she has time to stop and teach the children when a problem surfaces. She knows, though, the vital importance of investing time in the discipleship process with her children. I want to encourage this mom in the use of a daily schedule so that she is more productive and has time available not only to give her children consequences when they bicker but also to teach them how to be sweet to each other.

With five children, including twin eight month old babies, this mom most certainly has plenty to keep her busy. It is no wonder that she would struggle with time pressures and not think she has time to instruct her children when they are bickering. I firmly believe that a schedule is the key she needs to help her have the time to keep up with her household responsibilities, homeschool her children, and interact with them when they are not getting along well.

Our book Managers of Their Homes has much more information on scheduling and includes a Scheduling Kit (colored squares and sticky tac). Especially for those who don’t think they can schedule, it is designed to make the process as easy as possible. Daily, we receive testimonies about how this book is being used as a tool to transform families. To read some of them, just click on product testimonies at the above link. Even if you haven’t felt you could ever make or use a schedule, if you have a need in your home, I encourage you to consider a schedule as a solution.

Life with little children will bring bickering between them, complaining about responsibility, and time pressure for Mom. We know the importance of raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, so addressing these problems is vitally important. As a mom whose children are much older than the mom who wrote the introductory e-mail, I know firsthand the necessity of praying for ourselves and our children. I encourage young moms to expect the process of discipling their children to be a long-term project and to willingly invest their hearts into it. Then you want to look for consistent consequences that you can give with a loving attitude while evaluating any influences that may be undermining the work you are doing with your children. May I encourage you to be a mom who puts a schedule in place so that she will have the needed time to continually instruct her children in the way they should go. Let us run with patience the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).