All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

Holly Homemaker – Part 2

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Last month Holly Homemaker, Part 1, I began addressing a negative comment that resulted from one of our blog posts on Titus2.com. If you missed it previously, here again is the blog post and comment following it.

5 Year Old’s Enthusiasm

chorepack

From a recent e-mail: “I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest, Audrey, wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher. She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done. We’ve loved the system so far! Thank you for creating it.”

“Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men” (Proverbs 22:29).

Now, for the comment:

“That poor little girl. She’s happy because she’s pleasing mommy—like all children do. She should be out playing with friends, playing dress up or let’s pretend, MAYBE a few small chores here and there—but CHOREPACKS? You people are going to kill that child’s spirit before she’s 7. God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker—do they have ChorePacks for future lawyers? Or Astronauts? I hope that she grows up to realize that she’s worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid/nanny.”

While we didn’t have any trouble discerning the disdainful bias of the comment, we actually liked the term Holly Homemaker. Holly Homemaker sounded warm, loving, and inviting to us—the type of mother I would like to be and a title I would embrace. We want our daughters to grow up in a home where when they are adults, they would choose to stay home with their children, a Holly Homemaker, rather than pursue a career. No amount of salary can compare to the value of nurturing a heart in the Lord Jesus Christ. I know that choice begins with the atmosphere I cultivate in my home and the role model I set before them.

After writing last month’s Mom’s Corner, I had some responses that I thought would be an encouragement to many of my readers, who can sometimes not feel valued. Here are a few of those comments.

“I am a ‘Holly Homemaker’ literally. My name is Holly, and I am a homemaker, wife, mama, homeschooler, manager of the home, and all that is included in that. I LOVE what I do even though it is the hardest job I have ever had! I am so blessed to have been given this career! I cannot think of any other career that has a higher calling! It is AWESOME!!!” Mom A

“I am blessed to be home with my children. I have a Master’s Degree in Public Policy and previously worked as the Legislative Director for the now-Governor of my state. Four years ago, my husband and I adopted two young children out of the foster care system, and I’ve been home with them ever since.

“It is my privilege to raise them in the Lord, homeschool them, and keep our family’s home. Some days I do feel unappreciated, but I wouldn’t want to be any place else.”Mom B “I was only a few hours short of my doctorate in education curriculum and design when I met my husband, and we got married. Previously, I’d made a handsome salary, had traveled abroad extensively, and was very successful in my career. I did not pursue any of that out of choice, but necessity. I was 37 years old before God brought my husband and me together. Upon our union, I immediately became a stay at home wife, and later a homeschooling mother to our son, who is now 15.

“While I was raised by wonderful Christian parents, they did not raise me to believe my place in life was in the home. God brought me to this realization Himself. There was nothing in my past life that equals the joy being a wife and momma now bring.

“The whole time I was single, my dream and prayer was to one day be standing in an old farmhouse doorway, with a baby on my hip, a toddler clinging to my calico dress, as we watched the older children out in the front yard playing—swinging from a homemade swing, climbing trees, and chasing each other as they dodged the chickens running in between their legs.

“While God did not see fit to bless us with more than one child, I am believing in a quiver full of grandchildren one day! My son is being prepared to be the sole provider for his family, knowing being home is God’s highest calling for any woman. I pray he will seek out God’s best for him, in the form of a godly woman who puts husband, children, and home above all else.” Mom C

“I too am a Holly Homemaker and love it. I love the title since my youngest daughter’s name is Holly. I can’t imagine playing the world’s game and having to leave my family every day to serve someone less important than the people I love most!!!

“My earnest prayer is that my daughters will grow to be godly women who enjoy staying home with their families and serving them. They all say that is what they desire, and I am overjoyed that their hearts have been set this way by our wonderful Lord.” Mom D “I consider my role at home priceless!” Mom E

When we think of being a Holly Homemaker, keep in mind Titus 2:4-5: “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Here we see a list of what the Lord Jesus is directing a young, married woman to have as the emphasis of her life. There are three aspects identified that I can fulfill much better by being a Holly Homemaker than by having a career and those are to love my husband, to love my children, and to be a keeper at home.

By being home I can maintain my house so that it is the haven I desire it to be for my husband and children. I have time to keep up with the household chores like laundry, meals, dishes, and cleaning so that they are accomplished. I am not stressed trying to fit them into a couple of evening and weekend hours.

Staying home allows me to focus on being a loving wife when my husband is home. I can arrange my time so that I am free for family activities and interactions when my husband is available. I am not distracted by other things that need to be done.

Because I have chosen not to have an outside-the-home career, I am able to more fully love my children. This includes having time to spend with them throughout the day. It also means that I can provide them with a home education, which would be difficult, if not impossible, if I had a full or even part-time job.

Perhaps the greatest way I love my children is by bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). I am Steve’s helpmeet in this vital assignment from the Lord. By being home all day with my children I have that many more hours to impact their lives for Jesus Christ by sharing Scripture with them, praying with them, talking about the Lord Jesus with them, ministering with them, helping them apply Scripture to their lives, directing them in godly responses to each other, memorizing with them, and all that is involved in a loving, daily life in a Christian home.

I was quite drawn to the statement from the mom who said she felt her role at home was priceless. If all that we can accomplish in our homes were to be hired out and given a price tag, we could somewhat quantify it, and it would likely add up to quite a sum of money each month. However, the eternal impact we have on our husband, our children, and those around us in our ministry at home is most certainly priceless. Even if the world doesn’t choose to value what Holly Homemaker is doing, may we be women who embrace that calling and joyfully fulfill that role.

Read Part 3.

Holly Homemaker – Part 1

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Not long ago we received an e-mail with a testimonial from a family who had just started using ChorePacks, a chore system detailed in our Managers of Their Chores book. We used that e-mail as the basis for a blog post on Titus2.com. Here is that blog post.

5 Year Old’s Enthusiasm

chorepack

From a recent e-mail: “I wanted to send this sweet picture of our oldest, Audrey, wearing her ChorePack the first week and getting ready to unload the dishwasher. She RAVED about how she loved the chore pack because it reminded her of everything she needed to do in the morning instead of her forgetting things that needed to get done. We’ve loved the system so far! Thank you for creating it.”

“Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not stand before mean men” (Proverbs 22:29).

While we had several positive blog comments about ChorePacks from other ChorePack users, we had one negative comment. We chose not to approve that comment on the blog, because there was so much we wanted to say in response to it, and that required a greater investment of time. Here is the blog comment:

“That poor little girl. She’s happy because she’s pleasing mommy like all children do. She should be out playing with friends, playing dress up or let’s pretend, MAYBE a few small chores here and there–but CHOREPACKS? You people are going to kill that child’s spirit before she’s 7. God forbid she wants to be anything other than Holly Homemaker–do they have chore packs for future lawyers? Or Astronauts? I hope that she grows up to realize that she’s worth more than just an unpaid scullery maid/nanny.”

The world devalues the woman who chooses to forgo a lucrative career to stay home and raise her children. People often hold the same derogatory attitude that is portrayed in this blog comment. Their thinking is that the woman who wants to be home with her children is, as this blog commenter described, nothing more than an “unpaid scullery maid/nanny,” indicating she has no value. Untrue! The raising up of a precious life in Christ is of far more value than the highest paid executive’s take home pay!

However Scripture holds up another standard. “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5).

Holly Homemaker: I really liked that title! I delight in being Holly Homemaker, and it brings me joy when my daughters say they want to be wives and mothers. I don’t view myself as an unpaid scullery maid/nanny even if others do.

In reality, I don’t think I am the only one who values being home with my children and chooses that over a career. Here is a recent e-mail I received.

“I am writing to update you as I had asked for prayer several months ago regarding selling my chiropractic practice to become a full-time ‘keeper at home’.

“Guess what, a wonderful young doctor bought my practice! I am now at home full-time and no longer employed outside the home. I am thrilled! And, I’m very, very thankful to God for allowing this and orchestrating the details as only He could have done. Now that I am home, I realize how much I have to learn! But I am excited about being home and being more engaged and available as a wife and mother.”

This is an educated, professional woman choosing to give up her career for something she sees as more important than that career–being home with her children. She doesn’t sound to me like she would consider herself an unpaid scullery maid/nanny. However, I think she would happily don the title of Holly Homemaker. I regularly hear from women who are giving up all that their higher education earned them in a career as a doctor or lawyer to become a Holly Homemaker. They are esteeming the riches of full-time investment in their children’s lives to be greater than the accolades and financial rewards of their professional career.

With the unprecedented growth of broken homes, we Holly Homemakers have the opportunity to offer our children the security and nurturing that even secular psychologists say is important. We avoid the time pressures that working moms face of trying to accomplish everything at home plus be at work for eight hours or more each day. We are our own bosses, and we set our own schedules.

I know there are many working women who are doing so because they have no other choice. They long to be able to be home with their children. They pray that the Lord will provide a way for them to do so. If circumstances allowed, they would instantly become a Holly Homemaker filled with joy in doing so.

For those of you who are Holly Homemakers, we want to affirm the decision you have made to invest your life in the lives of your children. We hope you will take joy in that role and not let the world devalue in your heart what you are choosing to do. For those who would like to be a Holly Homemaker but can’t at this time, we pray that the Lord will soon open those doors for you. We have heard many wonderful stories of Him answering those kinds of prayers. Next month we will continue this discussion.

Read Part 2.

The Difficult Child – Part 2

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This month we continue a discussion that was generated from the below e-mail that I received.

“I just stopped school to come in here to write you. I don’t know what to do, and I am at this awful place with one of my children that a mom definitely doesn’t want to be. I have five boys ranging in age from nine months to nine years. Four of my children are sweet, obedient, in love with the Lord, wanting to sing praises to Him, and wanting to please my husband and me. Then there is my six year old. He is the most difficult child, and I don’t know what to do with him. I have had him memorize Scriptures on obedience. He has more Scriptures memorized than I do—he is really smart. But he is a huge handful. He has no control over his emotions and will strike out at anyone who crosses him.

“Recently he has started back talking me. I’ll tell him to do something, and that is followed by whines and reasons why he doesn’t want to obey. My other kids would NEVER do this. At first I was shocked and talked to him about his attitude and his need to obey me. Then I tried consequences and talked more. He isn’t responding. I love him so much and don’t want to be around him—all at the same time. Am I a terrible mom?”
In Christ,
A struggling mom

Last month I shared about one of our children who was a difficult child, but who has outgrown the problems that were such a struggle for him and for us through his younger years. There was more to cover concerning how we dealt with this son than there was room for in just one Mom’s Corner so this month is a continuation. Here is the link to the previous Mom’s Corner in case you didn’t read the first article.

It was important for us to have set consequences for wrong behavior and then to use those consequences consistently. “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17). This was hard for me because John was so frequently doing or saying something that would earn him a consequence. What I tended to want to do was to ignore some of his behavior so that he wouldn’t have another consequence. However, consistency was our ally, and we needed to maintain it. We can’t imagine what John would be like had we given up with him.

In our homeschooling, we needed to be very patient with John, but still hold to the family homeschool standard. Even though John struggled greatly with staying focused on his schoolwork and completing it, he accomplished what the rest of his siblings did. On our part, we continually worked with John to teach him to stay in his place where he was doing his work, to keep him on track with the work he was to do rather than having his mind elsewhere, and to motivate him to complete the schoolwork.

Our attitudes were key in this process. If we were frustrated or impatient with John, he responded with his own level of frustration. The more we were pleasant, gentle, and encouraging, the more we diffused his negative attitudes. In addition, we had consequences for schoolwork that wasn’t done. If schoolwork was not finished during the school day, the child had to stay in to do it after school ended. If it wasn’t finished by Saturday, then Saturday became a school day as well. John stayed in many afternoons doing schoolwork he hadn’t done during the allotted time on the school schedule. However, he only had to spend one Saturday doing school. The afternoons he worked late on school, he was generally more motivated the next day to be diligent and complete his work on time. Here is a link to a Mom’s Corner I wrote on homeschooling a dawdler.

John needed a great deal of love and affirmation. That really isn’t surprising considering how often he did something that wasn’t right and needed to be corrected. We made quite an effort with this child, and then with all the children, to smile at them much more frequently, to hug them, give pats, ruffle the hair, sit close to one for Bible time, and simply to give as much affection as we could.

We discovered that John blossomed when made to feel very special. “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver” (Proverbs 25:11). Steve made an effort to have one-on-one time with John too. He encouraged him to come and talk frequently. We worked at fostering those close relationships.

Over and over, we modeled for our difficult child how he could have responded in the situation, how he could have spoken kindly to a sibling rather than cuttingly, and how he could have done what he was supposed to do. This son needed extra help to teach him the right responses because they didn’t come naturally to him.

We spoke truth to this child. He would allow his mind to twist his thoughts—even Scripture at times—so that he wasn’t thinking truth. We would lovingly, gently, often with an arm around him, speak the truth to him. We regularly encouraged him on the importance of repentance in his heart over his sin. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We let him know that sin is something we all deal with, but until he repented, he wouldn’t have victory over his sin. John seemed to always have an excuse for his bad behavior. When spiritual growth occurred in his life and he was repenting of his sin, we saw great improvement.

Sleep was a critical issue for John. He was the most dependent of all our children on getting a certain amount of sleep. Without that amount of sleep, he became almost impossible to live with. The other children would show some signs when they hadn’t gotten a normal’s night’s sleep, but nothing like John. When he was tired, we worked at being understanding; however, he was still responsible for his behavior. We then made an effort to get him caught back up on his sleep.

My prayer is that what we learned with our John will be a practical help and an encouragement to Struggling Mom. I hope that she won’t feel like a terrible mom, but that she will become even more committed to loving her son and helping him through the problems that he presents to the family and that she will have renewed courage and motivation with her son. We are so grateful for the guidance the Lord Jesus gave us through our years of parenting John as we continually cried out to Him, and we desire to see other families look to Him for their strength and wisdom as well.

The Difficult Child – Part 1

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“I just stopped school to come in here to write you. I don’t know what to do, and I am at this awful place with one of my children that a mom definitely doesn’t want to be. I have five boys ranging in age from nine months to nine years. Four of my children are sweet, obedient, in love with the Lord, wanting to sing praises to Him, and wanting to please my husband and me. Then there is my six year old. He is the most difficult child, and I don’t know what to do with him. I have had him memorize Scriptures on obedience. He has more Scriptures memorized than I do—he is really smart. But he is a huge handful. He has no control over his emotions and will strike out at anyone who crosses him.

“Recently he has started back talking me. I’ll tell him to do something, and that is followed by whines and reasons why he doesn’t want to obey. My other kids would NEVER do this. At first I was shocked and talked to him about his attitude and his need to obey me. Then I tried consequences and talked more. He isn’t responding. I love him so much and don’t want to be around him—all at the same time. Am I a terrible mom?”
In Christ,
A struggling mom

This mom’s problem is typical in many homes regarding at least one of their children. Regularly I read or hear a description of a child like this from someone. Immediately, I think of one of our children. When this child introduces himself at our music session, he says, “Hello, my name is John. I am nineteen, and I play the banjo. I wasn’t what you would call a model child growing up. As a matter of fact, because of how difficult I was, I think my mom was able to write that book, Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit. I expect if I had been put into a public school, they would have labeled me with a learning disability. However, the reality was that I was simply lazy.”

John has now graduated from our homeschool, and the message I want to share with this mom, and others like her, is a message of hope and encouragement. Today John isn’t what he was when he was a little boy. He is a winsome, young man whom every one seems to love. He invested his out-of-school time for two years building our house with his brother and dad— a project he and his brother volunteered to do. He learned to study as a result of his homeschooling years and has been tackling some difficult after-graduation study assignments of his own choosing as he prepares for a vocation in construction and also to obtain his commercial driver’s license.

I have graduated five children from homeschool, but John was the first to say to me, “Mom, for my graduation I want to take you out to eat at the nicest restaurant you can think of to go to.” He then spent the evening telling me of his gratitude for my investment in his homeschooling. John read and approved these articles because his heart is to help other families who might be facing some of the same issues that our family faced with John.

I am delighted that I can share such good news about this son with you. As John was growing up, every year we saw improvement in his attitudes and behavior. At nine, he wasn’t like he was at six. At twelve, he had made great progress from when he was nine. It got better for him day by day. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). Perhaps what we did with John and where he is today will be an encouragement to you and give you some ideas for your situation.

John caused Steve and me to pray more. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God” (Philippians 4:6). There is something about increased need that drives us to a greater frequency and fervency of prayer. We knew that we were dependent on the Lord’s working in this child’s life for his growth and maturity both emotional and spiritual.

Steve and I found that we had to encourage ourselves greatly about our difficult child. We knew the importance of loving and accepting him, but his behavior caused us to sometimes have negative feelings toward him. He could be unkind to his siblings, plus he regularly had bad attitudes toward us. As Steve and I talked about and prayed for John, we would remind each other of what this son needed and what the Lord would have us do. Seeing that we were both struggling helped us realize that our feelings were normal even though they weren’t ones we wanted to allow to fester. “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5).

We discovered we needed to deal with John very quietly and in a matter of fact manner. “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Because of the ongoing nature of the problems, it was extremely easy to have an irritated tone in our voices almost before the first word was out. We knew that anger, impatience, and frustration were not the vehicles to loving our son and helping him. Therefore, his behavior was our training ground as well—a training ground for our own growth in self-control.

In families, it is common to have a child who struggles more with his behavior than the other children. Steve and I know how easy it is for parents to become discouraged over this child. However, we also have seen the Lord work through the years of our child’s life, achieving incredible changes that have been almost unbelievable considering his early childhood behavior. What we did with and for John were things that were valuable for all our children. Therefore, we know that our parenting improved because of John. May we encourage those of you with a difficult child to continue doing what you need to do. Love this child abundantly even when he is not loveable. Look for ways to help him grow and mature. Pray for this child, knowing that the Lord is as interested in him overcoming wrong behavior as you are. Next month we will continue with more of what we did in parenting John and what we learned.

Grumbling

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Recently I realized that I was hearing a considerable amount of what sounded like grumbling coming from one of my children. There were statements like, “I am soooo tired. I am very, veeery, veeeery hot. I am extremmmmely hungry.” You can tell that there was quite a bit of emotion included with the words that were spoken. These could be construed as simply statements of fact, but even if they were, they were certainly emotional and exaggerated. Put together and coming frequently from one person, it had become a complaining spirit, and I found my own spirits sagging as I was exposed to this continual drip, drip, dripping of negative words.

Of course, I spoke to this child about the words that were being spoken and encouraged that child in a different direction with thoughts and words. However, it wasn’t long after that conversation took place that I heard myself saying, “I am sure stiff and sore from yesterday’s workout.” The Lord quickly prompted me that my words sounded quite similar to the child’s words that were troubling me. Before too much more time went by, I heard myself thinking, “I don’t like having the Mom’s Corner still unfinished hanging over my head.” Again, that conviction of the Holy Spirit was there pointing out my thoughts and comparing them to my child’s.

What does Scripture say about murmuring, grumbling, or complaining? Let’s start with Philippians 2:14, which says, “Do all things without murmurings and disputings.” From Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, we learn that the Greek word for murmurings means “a secret displeasure not openly avowed.” We are to do everything without thinking, let alone speaking, those negative words that might be associated with what we are doing.

Philippians 2:14 isn’t the only place where we are encouraged not to be grumblers. 1 Corinthians 10:10 gives us a similar admonishment related to the complaining of the Israelites in the wilderness: “Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.” This time the Greek word for murmur means “to murmur, mutter, grumble, say anything against in a low tone, of those who discontentedly complain.”

It seems to me that we quite quickly and easily fall into patterns of grumbling. It all starts with our thoughts and moves to our spoken words. The baby starts crying when I am trying to make dinner, and I think, “Oh no, how will I juggle the baby and dinner. I am too tired to have to deal with this.” Two children are squabbling over a toy, and I find this going on in my mind: “I just wish I could have some peace and quiet for a change.” Maybe the air conditioning is broken in the car, and I am out on a hot summer day doing the grocery shopping. These words are likely to be expressed: “I sure dislike the heat and sweating.”

I found that as I became aware of the grumbling of others in the family, the Lord brought me back to my own negative words. As I began choosing not to complain, I was quite surprised at how often the words I was going to say would have a pessimistic bent to them. So it is quite likely that if I am grumbling, my children will be picking up those habits from me.

If we aren’t to murmur, then what are we to say? After all, it is sometimes hot, I might be tired, and there isn’t peace when two children are bickering. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). I love this verse. It is clear and concise, giving us direction not only for our thoughts and words but also for walking in the will of God. Instead of complaining, I give thanks.

When it is hot with no air conditioning in the car on grocery shopping day, I say, “Thank You, Lord Jesus, for a car to get us to the grocery store. I am so grateful for the availability of convenient shopping, and Your provision that allows us to have the food we need plus other food that we want.” If I am tired, I am grateful to the Lord for all He has given me to do to fill my days—no boredom in this household! If my children are struggling with finding kind words for each other, I thank the Lord for the opportunities He gives me to disciple them and help them toward His desire for them to have loving hearts.

I think that mommies will have to battle their propensity to allow themselves to have grumbly spirits. The more we think negative thoughts, the more the complaining words flow from our mouths. Look at Proverbs 27:15 with me: “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” What is the sound on a rainy day? Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. Have you ever had a water faucet that was dripping? When it is finally fixed, it is a great relief. It is the same way with our complaining. The murmuring is annoying at best and depressing at worst. However, once it is stopped, there is that wonderful reprieve that is similar to the feeling after a leaking faucet gets repaired.

There are many reasons to want to change a grumbling heart to a thankful heart. The first reason is that we would really prefer to be positive rather than negative. The next reason might be that it is more enjoyable to live with a person who expresses gratitude than with a murmurer. That means we bless our families when we decide to set aside complaining. We also see ourselves mirrored in our children. If we want them to have happy, thankful spirits, it needs to begin in our lives. Finally, if Scripture tells us not to murmur, but to be thankful, then we are following the Lord Jesus in obedience when we eliminate grumbling for gratitude.

I want to encourage each of us— and I am especially talking to myself—to ask the Lord to point out each negative thought or word. Then cry out to Him for His strength and grace to replace those words with positive ones that express gratefulness and thanksgiving. How much better it is to praise than to murmur. May we be women whose joyful words and attitudes cause others to want to be around us.

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Posted in: Mom's Corner

Time Management for Homeschool Moms through Scheduling Perseverance

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We know that time management is vital for busy homeschool mom to keep up with their multitude of responsibilities.  Sometimes I have moms ask me about the ongoing success rates of those who haven’t scheduled for time management and begin to do so. We don’t have a way to track that, but I hear from moms regularly via our conferences who tell me how grateful they are for their schedules. Some bring me problems with their schedules that we discuss and often come up with other solutions to try. Generally, though, these homeschooling moms are letting me know the positive changes in their time management they have achieved through using a schedule and how it has transformed their home life.

I would like to share a homeschool mom’s time management scheduling story with you that I recently received. It portrayed to me so many beneficial outcomes of a schedule and the realities of using a schedule. I thought it could be motivational to some who are on the fence concerning scheduling and to others who haven’t pushed through the problems they faced when they tried scheduling.

Homeschooling Mom Uses a Schedule for Time Management

“I’d like to give you a MOTH (Managers of Their Homes) testimonial if I may. This is a story of perseverance. I purchased the MOTH book some months after my sixth child was born. I had spent five weeks in the hospital on bed rest, and my daughter spent five more weeks in the hospital after being born at thirty-one weeks. I needed help because my house was out of control even though my husband did his best while I was gone.

“The important thing that making out the schedule did for me was to show me that I was doing too much and expecting too much. There were only so many open spaces for those colored squares. We didn’t follow our schedule very well at first, but it did serve as a kind of a list of what we were shooting for.

“I continued to make out schedules every fall and some times different ones for winter, spring, and summer. It was very easy once I had it on the computer, and I only needed to make changes. We gained more and more success following it.

“Now nine years later we don’t always follow it perfectly, but it is there, and the children check it often. I rarely have to tell the children to practice their instruments, and many other things happen automatically. The teenagers help me schedule. More than that, they have become time minded. They know how to adjust their own schedules when things get crazy. They don’t like to squander their time. They are learning to evaluate how they spent their time.

“I have heard some moms say that they have tried scheduling, and it didn’t work. I could have said that the first year, but the Lord showed me in many ways that if I just persevered it would make a difference. Peace and productivity has crept into my home. Thank you for this blessing.”
Nancy

Time Management Wisdom from the Lord

Of course the blessings of time management for homeschooling moms through a schedule aren’t from me but from the Lord. He is the One we cried out to as I faced daily struggles in time management with a growing family, homeschooling, and a home to run. He is the one Who showed us step by step how to put together a useable and reasonable schedule to manage my time to accomplish those things He had called me to do.  The information we share in Managers of Their Homes was learned and implemented step by step as those needs arose in our lives. So in essence, I was doing what Nancy did—persevering in the scheduling task. I consider perseverance a very important factor to successful scheduling.

Time Management Flexibility for a Homeschooling Mom

Moms will say to me all the time, almost with apology in their voices, that they love their schedules, but they don’t do a perfect job of keeping to it all the time. Exactly! That is what I consider a successful scheduler—one who has learned when to be flexible, who is using her schedule to help her manage her time to be productive, and who will allow the schedule to change when necessary. In normal life, there will continually be interruptions to our days that cause us to have to temporarily or permanently rearrange the pieces of our schedule.

For example, I normally grocery shop on Monday and Thursday afternoons after 3:00 p.m. so that I can take Mary along with me when she is finished with her school work. When we came home from our speaking trip in February, our daughter-in-law, Melanie, was on pregnancy bed rest, and so I began going over in the afternoons after their two-year-old, Abigail’s, nap to do what needed to be done so Melanie could stay down. That eliminated 3:00 p.m. as a viable grocery shopping option.

For a season, I stopped having my scheduled computer time in the early afternoon on Mondays and Thursdays and went grocery shopping instead so that I would be home by the time Abigail was up from her nap. We bumped Mary to finish her schoolwork later in the afternoon or early evening, whenever there was time available. There wasn’t always as much time to complete that school work as she would have had if we hadn’t gone grocery shopping and over to help Melanie, since she went to Melanie’s with me too. However, she wanted to be part of the support team for Nathan, Melanie, and Abigail, and she was willing to extend her school year as long as necessary to finish the work she didn’t get to on her normal school days—another example of scheduling flexibility. Whereas we usually complete school by the end of May, she worked diligently through June before her books were done.

Just as Nancy said, if the interruption comes, when we have a written schedule, it gently guides us back to the time path we have chosen to follow. For most, having the schedule to consult makes it much easier to move back into accomplishing our daily tasks after an interruption than it would be to try to figure out what each family member needs to be doing. I am always grateful for my schedule and all of the little decisions it is alleviating me of through out each day, even the days when there has been more need for flexibility.

Time Management for Priorities

Sometimes it seems overwhelming to a mom to make up a schedule. Even though the steps are clear, she can’t imagine all she feels she must accomplish each day fitting into twenty-four hours. One of two things will happen. It may be that as she puts her schedule together, she discovers that it does all fit, and it is very workable. That is quite common. It could be like Nancy, though, that she will realize that she is trying to do too much. That in itself is often a relief and stress reducer. Then she begins the process of figuring out what she can cut from the schedule, how she can utilize her children as helpers, how she can be more productive as she uses her schedule, and what she can do less often but still accomplish. To do this, she will be praying and consulting with her husband, if he is willing to help her.

Schedule Practice Makes Improvement

Once that first schedule is made up and implemented, subsequent schedules become much easier as Nancy testified. They were simple enough to revise or redo that she would find herself choosing to make a new schedule for the changes every season brought to her life and the family’s activities. It was worth the small investment of time she would make for the outcome of productivity she realized.

Because Nancy didn’t give up scheduling that first year when it wasn’t working as she really wanted it to work, she now is a successful scheduler—although I would have called her one long before she called herself one. She has peace and productivity in her home. She isn’t badgering her children all the time with what they need to be doing. She doesn’t even have to make up all their schedules; her teens do their own. Her education in time management has been passed on to her children, and she is seeing the beneficial fruit in their lives.

Homeschooling Mom’s Time Management Brings Blessings

Let me wrap this article up with one more testimony.

“I function better when I have a schedule to follow, yet I have been reluctant to sit down and work on a schedule. I really cried out to the Lord and asked for His strength to get me over that hump. I finally sat down yesterday with my schedule and started working on it. You know what? It wasn’t that bad! I actually started to have fun and get excited about the upcoming school year. My schedule is a work in progress.

“The most uplifting thing was when my daughter came to me and saw that I was working on our schedule. She said to me, “Mom, I like things so much better when we have a schedule. I’m excited for school to start!” Then my other daughter came and cuddled with me for a while and wanted to know what her “path” said. We went through each of her activities during the day, and she too was excited for the schedule to start. This was the biggest comfort and encouragement I could have received! Ultimately I know that a schedule is so much better for my family and that I function as a mom on a much higher level when I follow one!” Bookworm

All these positive scheduling outcomes are my desire for every Christian woman, serving the Lord with her life. I want to encourage those who haven’t tried scheduling to become motivated to begin right now. For any who thought they weren’t successful in time management through scheduling, I suggest they change their success criteria. There may be moms reading this article who have tried scheduling but didn’t persevere and are still discouraged with their feelings of time pressure, not doing what is truly important to them, and being tired. I hope Nancy can give them the nudge that would push them to go back to scheduling and patiently work toward a schedule step by step. Does nine years sound like a long time? Is the fruit worth it? It was for Nancy, and it is for me. Perhaps it will be for you as well.

Helping Children Become Mission Minded

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Once again an e-mail question provides a great springboard for a Mom’s Corner topic. This time the question revolves around how much a mom should be involved in mission work, and I went into discussing how we draw our children’s hearts to missions as well. Here is the original e-mail:

“I was wondering what type of activities you all participate in regarding world evangelism. Do you support native missionaries in Asia? Do you focus on person-to-person evangelism? I know that native missionaries in Asia are very focused on the Kingdom harvest like the disciples in the church of Acts and are out risking their lives everyday, but we have so many comforts and distractions here in the US that they don’t. I’m working hard to simplify our ‘stuff’ and do with less so we can free up more funds for missionaries, but as a homeschooling mom I keep wondering how much time I should be spending each day spreading the word about reaching the unreached of over two billion people worldwide. It is my passion to reach the lost, but I want to spend time with my kids too without being child-centered. Any tips?”

It is our desire that our children would grow up with hearts for evangelism and for missions. “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world” (Matthew 28:19-20). “Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:4). As always when we have a goal for our children, it seems to begin with us as the parents. If we have hearts for evangelism and missions, then our children will as well.

About five years ago, we were given a book at a homeschool convention as we walked by the Gospel for Asia booth. The book is called Revolution in World Missions, and it was written by Gospel for Asia’s founder, K.P. Yohannan.

We were greatly encouraged by the information in that book concerning the power and potential of native pastors in reaching their own people for Christ. We began support national pastors through Gospel for Asia and Gospelink. Not only do we support native pastors with our family donations, but several of the children, through their personal finances, are also supporting their own native missionary.

We take great delight in friendships with American missionaries who are ministering in foreign countries. These friendships have led to the Lord putting a desire in our hearts to give to the work in which they are involved. We particularly enjoy supporting missionaries who are homeschool graduates or are homeschooling their own children on the mission field. The sacrifices these families are making to take the Gospel to other lands is significant. What a joy it is to be able to help them in their ministries.

We use missionary letters and e-mails as a vehicle to draw our children’s hearts to mission work. When our quarterly letter arrives from the national pastor that we support in Zimbabwe, we read it together as a family. Not only does Pastor Chipunza tell us what has happened in his personal life in the past three months, but he also gives updates in his ministry and shares specific prayer requests. Other missionary letters are put into the family reading basket, which is used for reading material when the children eat their breakfasts. As we read about and follow the missionaries’ work through the course of months and then years, we see how the Lord is using them in His kingdom work. The more we read about our missionaries and talk about them as a family, the more they are on our hearts throughout the day.

Through our missionaries’ communication of specific prayer requests, we pray for them in personal prayer time and family prayer time. Occasionally there is a particularly great need, and we find ourselves praying for it on a continual basis for a period of time.

One of the best ways to draw our children’s hearts to missions is to meet missionaries by inviting them into our homes either for a meal or to stay overnight. Those personal interactions with missionary families make them real to us, as we meet people with a real mission whose passion is transferred to us as we interact with them.

For many years, near Christmas we have participated in Samaritan’s Purse Operation Christmas Child shoe box project. More recently we have sent similar packages to individual missionaries in Mexico, who are collecting Christmas shoe boxes that they can distribute to the children in their village. This gives us personal interaction with our missionaries, and we know that there will be evangelistic follow-up after the gifts are distributed. Our children are the ones who choose the particular shoe box ministry they want to support. Then they do the shopping, including sharing in the funding, and they pack and ship the shoe boxes.

Our family also delights in reading missionary biographies. It is very difficult these days to find reading material for our children that doesn’t have negative or worldly influences. Missionary biographies often fall into the category of acceptable reading material for our children, although we still use caution because sometimes there is information in the book that isn’t appropriate for children. As our children read of the call the Lord puts into a missionary’s life, his preparation for service, his trust in the Lord to supply his needs, his sacrificial living, and his love for his people, our children are brought to a deeper love for missions and missionary work.

As far as how much time we spend on mission work, projects, and evangelism we have to remember that our foremost calling is to teach our children to love the Lord Jesus Christ. “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:5-7).

Our children are our greatest mission field. It is possible to be so involved in other ministry and mission work that we lose our own children because we have neglected their hearts. As we focus on discipling our children throughout the day, evangelism and mission emphasis will be a natural outgrowth. We can make sure to include our children in any mission projects rather than undertake projects that take time away from homeschooling, homemaking, and mothering.

As we evaluate the time responsibilities the Lord Jesus has placed into our lives, we want to be careful that our priorities are properly kept. While we know biblically that the Lord desires for us to have a heart for the lost and for missions, our first mission field is in our own homes with our children. We begin there, and then as the Lord gives time and enables, we branch out. Instead of having a mission emphasis that is just one more activity that takes our time and attention away from nurturing our children, we want to include our children in what we are doing so we may disciple them in having a heart for missions. May we be women who serve the Lord by teaching our children to have an interest in, pray for, and support missions.

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Second-Generation Scheduling

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As my life has entered a new stage because of being a grandmother, I am now seeing the benefits of using a schedule in the next generation. Not only is a schedule helping my granddaughter, Abigail, with her daily life, but her mommy, Melanie, is developing the pieces of her schedule beyond what I learned to do with mine. Because our daughter-in-law was recently on pregnancy bed rest for many weeks, the Maxwell ”girls” have been part of the team that takes turns going in to take care of Melanie and Abigail while Nathan works. This has allowed me to observe Melanie’s scheduling of Abigail’s time and the results in Abigail’s life. Because I regularly get questions regarding what one might put on a preschooler’s schedule, I thought you might like a glimpse into the one I am most familiar with right now.

Mealtimes are on the schedule: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Since the time Nathan arrives home for dinner varies some, dinnertime is ultimately based upon when he is available. Before meals, Abigail, who turned two in May, has some simple jobs that she helps with, such as setting the silverware and napkins on the table, making salads (the ingredients are prepared in advance), and helping Mommy get things out of the cupboard. Although her “help” at this age probably slows Melanie down, it is productive use of Abigail’s time. It is teaching her to work, and it is training her for jobs that she will soon be able to accomplish independently. After the meals, Abigail again has some chores that she does while Melanie is cleaning up. She can clear her dishes, wipe her high chair tray with a dishrag, put a few items away, and sweep in the kitchen with her mini-broom.

Melanie chose to try baby potty training, so Abigail has been going potty on the toilet since she was quite young. She is just beginning to be able to consistently communicate to Melanie when she needs to go, so she is still on scheduled potty trips. This happened every hour at first and now every hour and a half, involving five to ten minutes.

Not only does Melanie include Abigail in her kitchen chores, but she also has scheduled a daily chore time after breakfast. Abigail goes with Melanie (or whoever is the current bed rest helper) as she tidies up the house, helping to put things away. She has a little broom to use when Melanie sweeps the kitchen floor, swishes her feather duster as Melanie does her dusting, puts dirty clothes into the washing machine, and moves clean wet clothes to the dryer. Making Abigail part of Melanie’s daily work productively occupies Abigail’s time, teaches her how to work, equips her with skills she can build upon as she matures, and keeps Melanie and Abigail together.

Midmorning following breakfast and chore time, both Melanie and Abigail take a break. They call it naptime, but it is more of a slow down since neither of them actually sleeps. Abigail drinks a small bottle and then cuddles on Melanie for ten minutes. After that time is up, Melanie spends the remainder of the half hour reading out loud to Abigail.

Abigail has twenty minutes in the morning schedule called blanket time. For this, Melanie puts a blanket on the living room floor with several toys on it. Abigail is to play on the blanket alone with the toys but not get off the blanket. Because Melanie started working with Abigail several months ago and taught her to stay on the blanket, when Melanie says it is blanket time, Abigail knows just where to go and what to do.

Last in the morning, Melanie has scheduled school time for herself and Abigail. During this half hour, Melanie does simple preschool activities with Abigail. The ones I have observed were stringing large beads onto a thick string and putting designated objects on a mat that had big numbers on it. They also work puzzles together and are practicing colors and letters.

When school is completed, the next time block involves making lunch, eating, and cleaning up, and after that it is naptime. This includes preparation for the nap, which means going potty, getting a diaper on, and drinking a small bottle. Abigail’s nap is scheduled for a certain amount of time, but if she wakes up early, she is allowed to get up.

After naptime on the schedule comes snack time. Abigail participates in getting the snack food out in addition to enjoying the eating time with Mommy. Melanie is always looking for little tasks that Abigail can do to be a “helper” girl. It would be easier for Melanie to do the work herself, but these are the formative years when good habits are being instilled into those little lives.

Weather permitting, when the snack has been eaten, Abigail has a half hour of outside playtime. This might mean a walk with one of her aunts plus Grandma and Grandad, or it could be playing in the backyard with Aunt Mary or Mommy.

Once Abigail comes inside after her play-outside time, she has a read-aloud time with Grandma two days a week and her Daddy CD the other days. I have collected a bag of toddler and preschool reading books that I tote over to Melanie’s house to read to Abigail. Abigail looks forward to “read books,” and it is wonderful grandmother and granddaughter time.

The Daddy CD is a CD that Nathan recorded of him talking to Abigail, sharing his heart with her, and teaching her things he wants her to learn. Abigail spends this time in her crib with special toys that are put in the crib with her that she only plays with during her play-alone time. Melanie, or whoever is helping, takes Abigail to her room for her Daddy time. They turn on the CD together, get out the toys, and put Abigail in the crib. When the CD ends, we know it is time for Abby’s play-alone time to be over. (For more information on how to create a Daddy CD, Steve will be writing about it in his next month’s Corner.)

There is time in Abigail’s schedule that is called “playtime with Mommy.” During this half hour each afternoon, Melanie sits with Abigail on the floor near Abigail’s toys and plays with her. It is a designated amount of time so that both Melanie and Abigail know Melanie is going to be giving Abigail playing attention. This helps free Melanie from feeling like she needs to continually play with Abigail, and it also keeps Abigail from always asking Melanie to play with her.

The evening is somewhat scheduled, but dinner is flexible based on when Nathan can get home from work. Nathan’s evening schedule can be found in Steve’s newest book for men, called Redeeming the Time. After dinner there always seems to be something to do, but Abigail has a set a bedtime to which they adhere. That means that family Bible time, evening bottle, teeth brushing, and getting jammies on are scheduled in the proper order just before bedtime.

This structure brings stability to Abigail’s day. It allows her to learn the day’s schedule and anticipate each activity that will be happening. It helps Melanie meet Abigail’s needs and have time for those teaching and relationship activities that can easily be pushed aside in the rush of the day. It also allows those who step in to help when Melanie is on bed rest or just not able to be up as much as normal to know what to do with Abby. Melanie has to make a decision each day and throughout the day as to whether she is going to follow the schedule or do other things.

There is a special peace that comes from the productivity and efficiency of using a schedule, not to mention the building of relationships that can be part of the scheduled activities. I am not implying that every mom’s schedule would look like Melanie and Abigail’s. However, I am encouraging you to prayerfully consider what the Lord would have you do each day and then develop a schedule to help you move toward that goal.

For more scheduling help, we recommend Managers of Their Homes.

Bringing Up Children Who Will Love the Lord – Part 3

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This month’s Mom’s Corner continues with a series of articles answering a question about what practical things we can do for our children that would help them grow into adults who love the Lord with all of their hearts and live their lives for Him. I am once again including the original e-mail that I received with the question that precipitated these Mom’s Corners so that you don’t have to look back to find it in the other articles.

“My greatest desire for my child is that he will love the Lord with all of his heart. He is generally well behaved and obedient, but I have recently realized that I need to do a better job of stirring up godly appetites in his heart. I want to teach him to be a lover of God more than a lover of pleasure.

“There are two areas where I see my own need to improve: One is that I don’t think I have scheduled in enough work and responsibility for him. The other is that I am not a diligent person. I am too quick to settle for less effort, both on my part and on his. I haven’t been purposely doing this, but now that I realize it, I am so sorry for it! I want to change, and I am claiming God’s promise that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

“I am going to re-read my Managers of Their Homes book, and rewrite our schedule. Once I have done this, I plan to start joining the weekly accountability threads.

“Meanwhile, I would love any advice you have. I know that teaching our children to love God above all is a heart issue. However, I believe that our hearts are affected by the way we spend our time. I believe that our schedule has a VERY strong impact on our hearts. What do you put on your schedules that has actually brought fruit in your children’s lives, taught them to love the Lord, and to have a servant’s heart?

“We have silent Bible reading, as well as a time for reading the Bible together, and for memory work. He uses a Bible study book as part of his homeschool work. We also have a reading time right before bed. For the most part, we use books with a godly focus, such as the Moody Family Books Rod and Staff stories, etc. What more can I do to give him godly teachings and to help him apply these teachings to his life?” WhiterThanSnow

To briefly recap, we first saw the importance of the model we are setting before our children through our personal example. No matter how much teaching we do, if our lives don’t demonstrate what we teach, our children will not learn what we want them to learn. Then we moved into the realm of using Scripture to build a love for Christ into our children’s lives. They need to be reading the Bible for themselves, reading it with the family, and also seeing its application to every aspect of their daily lives.

I believe that if we want our children to grow up to be lovers of God more than lovers of pleasures, that desire will be part of our ongoing prayers for our children. We will pray continually for our children as Paul prayed for the believers in his churches, “We give thanks to God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you” (Colossians 1:3). These desires that we have for our children will be more than lofty goals that we hope will someday happen. They will be undergirded by the greatest foundation possible, the foundation of prayer. I love the prayers Paul prayed and can see the practical application of praying these kinds of prayers for my children. “For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness” (Colossians 1:9-11).

As we strive to provide space in our children’s days for activities that will draw their hearts to the Lord Jesus, we would be wise to consider the negative impact that many activities can have on our children’s hearts and their focus. That is one of the major themes of our book called Keeping Our Children’s Hearts, so I won’t go into too much detail here. However, consider with me the child who grows up watching TV during his free time and playing a multitude of video games. Is it possible that he will so addicted to his entertainment that he will be a lover of his pleasures rather than a lover of God? If so, then we have to see our responsibility in this process because we are usually the ones who set the course of the daily schedule and allow access to these kinds of activities.

Another consideration when thinking about where a child’s heart will be drawn and how that will impact his walk with Jesus as an adult would be what his friends are like in his childhood years. What is the potential that a child’s friends will draw him to an all-consuming love for Jesus Christ versus drawing his heart to worldly fun? My husband, Steve, recently wrote a series of articles for dads that addressed this topic in much more depth. The series is called Worldly Friends.

Since WhiterThanSnow wants her son not only to love Jesus with all of his being but also to have a servant’s heart, certainly she will be moved toward her goal if she starts including her son in her daily work and chores. Think about the time a mother can spend with a child or multiple children working in the kitchen together or folding laundry. During those hours, fellowship and conversation occur all the while the child is serving. Much of it will be trivial discussion of the day’s events, but we can also steer those words into ones of spiritual magnitude. We can talk about our love for the Lord Jesus Christ, how it impacts our daily lives, how we fail and what we do when we fail, and how we want to have servant’s hearts. During these frequent discussions, we can bring Scripture to bear on the occurrences of life in our homes and help our children grow in their obedience to the Word and in their relationship with Jesus Christ. We also have a resource called Managers of Their Chores that goes into much more depth on this topic.

While daily work and chores are beneficial for the development of a servant’s heart, we also see the need for giving our children practical projects. Projects develop skills in our children’s lives, skills they can use to serve others both now and in the future. They also allow our children to strive to accomplish what is beyond the scope of our everyday chores, providing them with new challenges and incentives. Steve’s book Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single-Income Family is full of suggestions for implementing this kind of a mindset into our life styles. He also wrote a series of Dad’s Corners on this topic, which would be good resources, Practical Projects for Our Children.

The final suggestion I want to offer WhiterThanSnow as she pursues the development in her son of a heart for Jesus rather than a heart for pleasure is that they begin to minister together. Family ministry is a natural outgrowth of families choosing to work together. While there are limits on ministry with children, as we pray to the Lord for those opportunities, He is faithful to provide and direct. A very basic way to serve with children that I can think of would be to minister through hospitality. We can invite other families into our home for an evening of food and conversation. Include the children in the planning, food preparation, serving, and cleanup. For us, we always include family Bible time as part of the activities and invite our guests to join us.

A nursing, assisted-living, or retirement home outreach is another possibility with children because the elderly residents greatly love having children with whom to interact. When taking children into a nursing home, it is important to maintain high sanitary precautions since there is the possibility that germs in the nursing home will be detrimental to a child’s health. When Nathan and Melanie take our granddaughter, Abigail, to the nursing home, they keep her hands back so that the residents can’t reach out for them, utilize hand sanitizer frequently, and wash her clothing when they return home.

What higher vision could we have for our children than that they would love the Lord Jesus Christ with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength? Wouldn’t we agree with Paul as he writes to Timothy that we don’t want our children in this category, “lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:4)? There are many choices that we can make as we go through our days with our children that can affect these desired outcomes for those children. We have observed families who are making these decisions in raising their children and the positive results that are manifested in their children’s lives. It is a joy and blessing to our hearts as we observe these young people walking faithfully with the Lord Jesus. May we be mothers who will purposefully strive toward doing what we can do with and for our children so that they can become men and women who are lovers of God more than lovers of pleasures.

Bringing Up Children Who Will Love the Lord – Part 2

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Last month we began looking at what we as mothers could do in our daily lives and schedules to help our children love the Lord Jesus with all of their hearts and to grow to be adults who will be lovers of God more than lovers of pleasure. The following note contains all the details of the question.

“My greatest desire for my child is that he will love the Lord with all of his heart. He is generally well behaved and obedient, but I have recently realized that I need to do a better job of stirring up godly appetites in his heart. I want to teach him to be a lover of God more than a lover of pleasure.

“There are two areas where I see my own need to improve: One is that I don’t think I have scheduled in enough work and responsibility for him. The other is that I am not a diligent person. I am too quick to settle for less effort, both on my part and on his. I haven’t been purposely doing this, but now that I realize it, I am so sorry for it! I want to change, and I am claiming God’s promise that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

“I am going to re-read my Managers of Their Homes book, and rewrite our schedule. Once I have done this, I plan to start joining the weekly accountability threads.

“Meanwhile, I would love any advice you have. I know that teaching our children to love God above all is a heart issue. However, I believe that our hearts are affected by the way we spend our time. I believe that our schedule has a VERY strong impact on our hearts. What do you put on your schedules that has actually brought fruit in your children’s lives, taught them to love the Lord, and to have a servant’s heart?

“We have silent Bible reading, as well as a time for reading the Bible together, and for memory work. He uses a Bible study book as part of his homeschool work. We also have a reading time right before bed. For the most part, we use books with a godly focus, such as the Moody Family Series, Rod and Staff stories, etc. What more can I do to give him godly teachings and to help him apply these teachings to his life?”WhiterThanSnow

We started with the basic premise that our actions speak louder than our words. What we desire to be evident in our children’s lives must start in our own hearts through the attitudes and actions of our lives. As we move into how to promote loving Jesus in our children’s lives through what we have them do, WhiterThanSnow has already input the basics into her son’s schedule—personal Bible time, family Bible time, and Scripture memory.

Look again with me at Deuteronomy 6:5-7: “And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”This process of teaching our children the Word of God is to be purposeful, and it should be accomplished diligently. I think if we want to have this outcome, a plan will be helpful.

In our family, as soon as our children can read, we want to teach them to have personal time in the Word every day. Here is a whole Mom’s Corner article that I wrote on the subject of helping children have daily Bible time: Children’s Personal Bible Time. In addition, family Bible time is vitally important as well. During family Bible time, we as parents have the opportunity of teaching not only the factual information contained in Scripture but, even more importantly, how Scripture applies to our daily lives. As a matter of fact, I believe that our family Bible time has been the single most instrumental factor in helping develop a love for the Lord Jesus Christ and a disdain for the pleasures of this world (see Steve’s “Feed CDs for more information on family Bible time). Finally, Scripture memory allows a child to have the Word available in his mind for use at any moment of the day.

Another step we can take as we fulfill Deuteronomy 6:5-7 is to make sure we share Scripture with our children through out the day. I discovered that this takes time, a commitment, and a personal knowledge of applicable Scripture. In looking back, I regret that I didn’t do this more with my children as they were growing up.

Sharing Scripture might be done in the context of disciplining a child who isn’t saying or doing what he should be saying or doing. A tool that helped me in using Scripture when I disciplined was Doorposts’ “If-Then. This inexpensive chart not only helped me be consistent with the discipline of my children, but it also directed me in using Scripture in these situations. It was very important to us to encourage our children that our love for the Lord Jesus Christ is demonstrated by our obedience to His Word. For us that meant using Scripture when we disciplined and talking with the child about obedience to the Lord Jesus. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). “If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him” (John 14:23).

When a child is ungrateful, we can encourage him with this verse: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). When he is bickering with a sibling, we discuss this idea: “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another” (Romans 12:10). If he is angry, we go over this admonition: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32). I believe you have the idea through these examples.

Please let me give you a word of caution, though, as you use the Word in your children’s lives. Especially when you are using it to correct a child, to point out error in his life, or to give him a biblical direction—be sure your attitude is one of love, gentleness, and patience. If there is anger or frustration in your heart, it will be evident to your child and undermine the good you would like to achieve. “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20).

Using the Word in daily life can also be implemented as we personally encounter situations through our home-life activities. When we greet our children in the morning, we can say, “This is the day which the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it” (Psalms 118:24). If a child gets hurt, we can quote, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). Then we want to make sure that we stop and pray out loud for our child so that he is hearing and learning a dependence on the Lord Jesus Christ to care for his needs. As we observe a beautiful flower in the garden, we say, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1) and offer praise to the Lord: “I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth” (Psalms 34:1).

In addition, we will use the Word for giving direction in a child’s life. When he comes to us because someone has treated him unfairly, we can show him the sufferings of Christ. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:21-23). We can help him with his response to an offender: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head” (Romans 12:19-20).

In our quest to bring up children who will be drawn to being a lover of God more than a lover of pleasures, we will start with a foundation of the Word of God in their lives. This is accomplished through time in the Word, Scripture memory, and the application of verses that are pertinent to our children’s lives and the situations that come up throughout the day. “Thy testimonies also are my delight and my counselors” (Psalms 119:24). May we be mothers who love the Word and teach our children to do so as well. “And I will delight myself in thy commandments, which I have loved” (Psalms 119:47).