Victim or Victor?

Most of us face challenging, hurtful, and even overwhelming situations. With each of those, we are also faced with decisions when we meet them and in their aftermath. We take either the victim mentality or the victor-through-Christ mentality. Each born again believer is the bondservant of Jesus. As we seek to obey His will, how does He want us to think in the midst of trials?

I know I can be prone to victim thinking: “It’s too hard. Why do I have to face this? I don’t like what’s happening. Nobody understands.”

God’s Truths

Are those thoughts the truth? Doesn’t our strength come from our Savior, the God of the Universe? Hasn’t He told us that His grace is sufficient? Isn’t He our strength and our shield? Hasn’t He said He loves us with an everlasting love? Aren’t we called to trust Him no matter what our circumstances might be? Doesn’t He tell us He works all things together for good to them who love Him and are called according to His purpose? 

There is nothing victim in those truths. They are the most beautiful, empowering truths, and they are valid in every situation from small, daily trials to the ones that feel like they might take us under. Each of these truths are victoriously grounded in the One Who died and rose again for our salvation.

I have had to seek the Lord, learning from Him the victor-through-Christ thinking and using it: I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil 4:13). His grace is sufficient for me (2 Cor. 12:9). I am to cast all my cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). He works all things together for good (Roman 8:28).

An Example

I want to share a story with you about a victor-thinking mom. Do you remember when we talked about the “I can” and the “I can’t” mom (I Can Corner or I Can’t Corner)? This mom is an example of the “I can” mom.


Eleven years ago her youngest birth son died. The realities of living without him, had at that time, seemed beyond all that she could do. She couldn’t remember the simplest of things and struggled with “doing the next thing.” So, they began diligently following their schedule and found comfort in routine, and in time could put one foot in front of the other again. 

In the years since her son’s death, she and her husband have adopted five children, many with varying medical and special needs. Her husband is a physician and works extremely long hours. Because of the recent pandemic, almost all of her supports to make life more doable at home have gone away, and she finds herself just that much busier as she sets up a school for all, not just some of her special needs guys, in her house.

The level of scheduling required is immense because of needing not only to teach and keep house, but also to schedule tube feedings, water boluses, special times to make people sit and drink water (because they won’t on their own volition), and use the potty, as well as therapy sessions, etc. Almost no one can do anything alone, which is more challenging to juggle.


As this mom shared her story with me, there was not a hint of a victim in it. It was all victor—through the grieving of her son’s death to the acceptance of a harder life without help caring for her adopted children. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are days when she slips into victim thinking, but when she wrote me she wanted additional scheduling materials to put together schedules to help her home function as efficiently as possible and meet all the needs. 

Thinking and Emotions

I don’t know what hardships still come to your mind from the past or what trial you might be in the midst of right now, but I do know that your Lord Jesus will enable you to have a peaceful victor attitude regardless of the outcome. He shows you in His Word Who He is, what He will do for you, and how you can trust Him. From that comes what you should think, and as you do that, your emotions follow. Right thinking = right emotions; wrong thinking = wrong emotions.

May I challenge you to be in the Word, seeking and desiring to grow closer to Jesus and to learn the Biblical truths that help you be the victor thinking mom you want to be and lets you leave behind the victim mentality? Look to Jesus the Author and Finisher of your faith (Heb. 12:2). He is everything you need at the moment of your struggle.

Posted in: Mom's Corner