Last month we talked about our struggle with self-discipline, and this month we discuss helping our children learn self-discipline. Perhaps if we make self-discipline a teaching goal, our children, as adults, won’t struggle with it as some of us have struggled with it. “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Our culture has become ingrained with the philosophy of “let children be children.” This sounds great, but what is the long-term outcome? — adult children with little, if any, self-discipline. We certainly don’t want to rob a child of his childhood, but at the same time a parent’s job is to prepare that child for life. If all a child ever does is to play, he will not acquire the needed skills and the self-discipline that equip him to be successful in his adult years. This is quite evident in the lives of many moms who are dealing with their own self-discipline problems. This character, ability, or skill—whatever you want to call it—was not nurtured, encouraged, and grown in childhood.
Several years ago, we did a survey to collect information for our Managers of Their Chores book. We were surprised by the results. Seventy percent of the moms who responded said they weren’t prepared for their roles as wives and mothers. They attributed that to not having to do chores as a child. The thirty percent who indicated they were prepared for being wives and mothers said it was because of their parents’ persistence in giving them chores and making sure they were done. When one evaluates this in light of the problems homeschooling moms have with self-discipline, the connection is quite amazing. What would the outcome have been in these moms’ lives had their parents thought chores were a benefit for their children and been committed to helping them learn to handle that responsibility? I believe it is likely that the self-discipline needed to manage a home and homeschool would have been developed in these girls’ lives.
If we want to help avoid difficulties with self-discipline for our children when they become adults, we need to base parenting decisions on a goal of raising a self-disciplined adult. This means giving our children age-appropriate responsibilities and helping them begin to develop the thought processes necessary for self-discipline. It starts from the very simple: requiring the child to get up in the morning when he is awakened plus communicating to the child why this is important.
The children will have chores assigned to them throughout the day. There will be times when they are expected to stop their play to do their chores. We will ask our children to do a quality job in their chores, helping them develop a mind toward doing things well. We want to challenge them to tasks that cause them to have to apply self-discipline. We will seek rather than avoid opportunities to develop self-discipline because we desire that our children grow up to be self-disciplined adults. These years, while your children are in your home, provide you with occasions to help them in this area rather than letting them flounder in their adult years without the self-discipline they will so greatly need and want.
Be committed to applying the time and effort into your children’s chore system as you consider the benefits in it that go beyond simply accomplishing what needs to be done in your home. Realize that working toward the children’s diligence and self-sufficiency in their chores helps them with practical skills for their adult lives. It also develops self-discipline they need in any area the Lord Jesus calls them to. View this as a necessary part of your day. “That our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace” (Psalms 144: 12).
If you need help with a chore system for your children, Managers of Their Chores is a good resource for you