Category Archives: Series

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 3

This was posted on by .

In the first two parts of this series, I explained the family crises with which we were recently faced. One involved my mom’s health and the other our daughter-in-law’s miscarriage. We have been looking at the help Scripture gives us for dealing with the emotions these situations can create within us.  Because this is the final article in this series, I encourage you to go back and read the first two because the information in each one grows from the previous articles.

Last month, I detailed what happened with Melanie’s pregnancy. This month I will fill you in on my mom. Before our trip, my mom had become quite weak, and we had two doctor’s appointments, first with a family practice doctor and then with a cardiologist, to try to determine the problem. After several high-tech tests, her heart was determined to be doing well, and it was time for us to leave on our trip. While we were away, my mom had two other doctor appointments concerning her condition, and at her request, the decision had been made to postpone further medical appointments until after we returned home.

If you recall, we sat and talked with her the night after our arrival home from our trip after being gone for five weeks. We knew she was very weak, but now we observed that her speech was slurred. The evening before, we had seen her inability to chew and swallow. The other symptoms were concerning us, but these two particular ones were alarming. She and Dad had plans to join my sister and her family for a vacation in two weeks.

At this point, though, it became clear that Mom could most certainly not enjoy the vacation and perhaps she wouldn’t even survive it. The pulmonologist my mom had seen while we were gone had determined Mom’s lungs were fine but had recommended that she see a neurologist. That evening I e-mailed my dad’s neurologist at Kansas University Medical Center and explained my mom’s case history and symptoms. I pleaded with him to see her. The Lord certainly intervened on our behalf because he e-mailed the next morning and said she could have an afternoon appointment. Usually it takes several weeks or months to get a new-patient appointment with a doctor at Kansas University.

Within an hour, the neurologist had diagnosed my mom’s condition—myasthenia gravis. It is a serious autoimmune, neuromuscular disease where the communication between the nerves and muscles is broken down. He gave her a prescription and said it would work immediately. The medication has allowed her to be able to swallow, speak clearly, and do much more than she could do when she was at her worst. However, she still remains very weak and can’t accomplish much beyond making meals for herself and Dad each day plus daily life maintenance. She is now being treated to try to reverse the disease.

There are two passages of Scripture that would speak specifically to us in these kinds of situations. “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Can you imagine glorying in your tribulations? My natural response to trials is most certainly not to glory in them. I simply want to get through them and have them over—a kind of “grin and bear it” attitude. However, here I am told that I would choose to glory in these difficulties. The verse tells me why I would want to glory in them. It is because of the knowledge that they will develop several good qualities in my life, including patience, the ability to deal with future problems, and a growing faith in my Lord Jesus Christ.

Here is another verse, which is quite similar to Romans 5. “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4). In this passage of Scripture, the word “temptations” means trials or problems. To me these verses make it clear that the Lord wants me to make a decision as to how to respond to trials.

The verse doesn’t say that I will feel full of joy, but rather that I should count it as joy. In other words, I am to make a purposeful decision to have an attitude of joy. I don’t believe that means I am joyful over the situation, but rather I am joyful in my Lord Jesus Christ—no matter what happens. The reason I am to consider it as joy is because these situations are trials of my faith. Will I trust the Lord not only through the easy times, but also through the valleys filled with pain or suffering?

I have faced trials of life both ways, in the flesh and in the Spirit. In the flesh the misery of the situation is compounded by the self-pity, negative thoughts, and fear that I have allowed to overwhelm and demoralize me. However, when I glory in tribulations and count them as joy, the problems still remain, but my heart is not weighed down. There is a steadfast peace in my heart through the power of the Holy Spirit that allows me to do what I need to do in the situation with a heart resting in the Lord Jesus Christ.

The situations we faced with my mom and with Melanie after our trip involved major interruptions to our normal daily-life schedule. Because we have a schedule to help us accomplish what we need to do each day, I was free to help in other ways when my time priorities were temporarily rearranged. I am to be busy about the Lord’s work. Usually that means I am teaching homeschool, cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, and other household tasks. However, for a season, those tasks were turned over to my girls, and my time was invested in doctor’s appointments with my mom. I also spent time at Nathan and Melanie’s helping with Abigail and doing cooking over there. My heart’s desire is to be used as the Lord wants me to be used, and my schedule helps me be available when there are unusual interruptions to the schedule such as these.

In each of our lives we will have problems, difficulties, trials, hardships. Some are quite major and catastrophic while others are minor and inconsequential. When confronted each of these kinds of situations, we have a decision to make. Will we allow our minds to be self-focused and full of pity consuming our thoughts with gloom and doom? Will we choose to glory in the problem and count it as joy? We have comfort from the Comforter, strength from the Strong One, and peace from the Peaceful One.

Worldly Friends – Part 4

This was posted on by .

In this series of Dad’s Corners, we have been discussing a question a brother recently asked me concerning how to raise children who will not condemn worldly friends and won’t be drawn to their worldly lifestyles. If you haven’t read the previous Corners I would recommend you do so before reading this one.

We have already seen that Scripture teaches that there isn’t any way for our children to have worldly friends and not be affected by them. “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul” (Proverbs 22:24-25). This verse deals strictly with the angry aspect of worldliness, but we have seen how all types of worldly friends will have the same effect. The closer a child’s heart is drawn to worldly friends, the more he will be changed by them. Therefore, it is dangerous to the souls of our children to have worldly friends.

The family that doesn’t believe worldly friends, Christian or unbeliever, will influence their children is headed for a rude awakening as evidenced by the e-mails we receive from families who are in the midst of just such a crisis situation. They will describe problems they are having with a child who wants to quit homeschooling, make worldly choices, or follow a worldly lifestyle. When we ask about the influences in the life of the youth, we will be told of a worldly friend. The justification the parents give for allowing the friendship in the first place is often that they didn’t want to offend the neighbor family to whom the child belongs.

However, parents should ask themselves if losing their child is worth the possibility of reaching the neighbor? I believe that Proverbs 27:12 has the answer. “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself; but the simple pass on, and are punished.” There will be other ways to share Christ with a neighbor that won’t involve compromising the spiritual direction of our children’s lives.

In our quest to help our children choose not to have worldly friends, our example will be very important. If we have worldly friends, our children will also be drawn to those same kinds of friends. I am defining a friend as someone with whom you spend significant amounts of time. The book of Jude gives us an exhortation and pattern for our interactions with those of the world, and it doesn’t involve friendship. Let’s study it so that we can learn from its instruction.

“Beloved, when I gave all diligence to write unto you of the common salvation, it was needful for me to write unto you, and exhort you that ye should earnestly contend for the faith which was once delivered unto the saints. For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ” (Jude 3,4). Those who are worldly and want to be our friends do not come up and identify themselves as being worldly or ungodly. They are as dangerous to us as they would be to our children because they can deceitfully pull our hearts away from the Lord Jesus by drawing us to their worldliness and ungodliness. The exhortations in Jude’s epistle apply as much to us today as they did when Jude first penned them.

What is the tool a worldly friend uses against a believer? He uses the same one that has been used through the ages. “You’re free in Christ. Go ahead. It’s okay.” The first steps of compromise may be small, but soon bigger ones will be offered, all under the cloak of “grace will cover it.” Jesus said in Matthew 7:15-17, “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.”

Looking at a man’s fruit and what he promotes is a good way to discern whether he will be a friend that walks after the Spirit or after the flesh. If he is after the Spirit, following his example will lead us to a walk that is holy, without blemish, and a denial of fleshly pleasures. “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:24-25).

Worldly friends will not lead us down a path of self-denial but one of gratifying the flesh, lasciviousness, and worldly pleasure. Yet the walk of a believer is to be the opposite. “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world” (Titus 2:12).

In Matthew 7:16, which was quoted above, Jesus said we don’t gather grapes (good fruit) from thorns. In Luke 8:14, Jesus tells us what the thorns of this world are. “And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection.” The cares, riches, and pleasures of this life are the fun things that many believers are chasing today, perhaps because this is what their worldly friends are pursuing. It is probably no wonder then that there is little real spiritual fruit being produced from these lives. I find it deeply saddening that the pursuit of fun and pleasure is a “high place” today within the professing church. We now live in a pagan nation while the professing church has lost its savor as salt because of the pursuit of fun. (Side note: is it any wonder that youth groups and all their fun activities have not produced real dynamic fruit?)

As we lead our children away from worldly friends, we need to set the example for them. We want to evaluate the fruit in the lives of those with whom we spend time. Are they drawing us closer to the Savior or away from Him toward fun and entertainment? I want to conclude this series next month by finishing our look into Jude for direction in our interactions with those who are worldly.

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month, I began the Mom’s Corner by telling about the crises we faced when we returned from our last speaking trip. Our daughter-in-law was having indications of a miscarriage, and my mom was having serious, undiagnosed health problems. Here is a link to that article with more of the details of the problems and beginning thoughts about how we deal with difficulties when they arise.

The day after Nathan and Melanie received the negative lab results, the doctor wanted her to have an ultrasound. Because of the many ultrasounds Melanie has had with previous high-risk pregnancies problems and the bad news they often have carried with them, Nathan and Melanie dreaded ultrasounds. This one was certainly going to be the same. From the miscarriage symptoms Melanie was experiencing plus the lab report, they knew full well what the ultrasound would show—their precious little baby with no heartbeat.

As the technician began the ultrasound, Nathan and Melanie heard her say, “The heartbeat looks good. Do you want to see your baby?” Totally expecting to hear the exact opposite words, it took a few moments for the news to sink into their hearts. They asked her whether she really meant there was a heartbeat, and she assured them that she did. Emotions went from grief to elation, but with reservations because of the other information that was indicating a miscarriage.

We continued to pray fervently for the baby, but the next lab work didn’t show any improvement in the hormone levels. By the third draw, the hormones had actually dropped, and other miscarriage signs continued. Again an ultrasound was ordered, but this time the results were what had been anticipated the first time. Melanie miscarried the next day.

Some of you have probably experienced a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages, the loss of a baby because of prematurity, or even the death of a baby or child after birth. Perhaps it was the death of a husband or another loved one. Maybe you are dealing with serious health or financial problems. Maybe your struggles are small as compared to these kinds of difficulties, but they are still issues you must face and deal with emotionally.

As we face these kinds of trials, we begin with a focus on the Lord, knowing that His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. That was the thrust of last month’s article.

One way that we can put our eyes on the Lord is demonstrated to us in His Word.

“For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18). Our trials can seem to be too big, too painful, and too difficult to get through. However, when we realize that the time we pass in the midst of those problems is very small compared to the time we will spend in eternity, our hearts can be encouraged. Pain doesn’t last forever for the believer.

In addition, we aren’t left to try to manage disappointment, pain, grief, or any other emotion that comes from the crises of our lives alone. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 tells us: “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ.”

God’s comfort is offered to me, but I have discovered that I have to receive it. When I allow my thoughts to think the worst, feel sorry for myself, determine that it is too hard, or question and blame God for what has happened or is happening, I am putting up a barrier that doesn’t let me experience His comfort. The focus is pity for myself at that moment, and it keeps me from experiencing His comfort, grace, and strength.

I have a responsibility as to what I will do with my thoughts. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Look at what Job did with his thoughts in his greatest moment of emotional pain: “Then Job arose, and rent his mantle, and shaved his head, and fell down upon the ground, and worshipped, And said, Naked came I out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. In all this Job sinned not, nor charged God foolishly” (Job 1:20-22). I want to have Job’s response of worshipping my Lord Jesus in the midst of the very smallest to the very biggest trials that I face.

When those fearful, overwhelmed, negative emotions try to rise up within me as I face a crisis or even a simple problem, here is what Paul did and what I am to do too. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). “Be careful for nothing” means that I am not to worry or be anxious. Certainly my natural response to difficulties is to be fearful, think the worst, or fret about it. Here we see that in every thing – big or small – I bring my request to God. I am not to do it with muttering, complaining, and self-pity, but rather with thanksgiving.

The result of that prayer is the peace of God. We have peace because the problem isn’t ours to bear responsibility for or to solve. “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). If we feel the yoke is hard or the burden heavy, then we know that we haven’t given over the responsibility to the Lord Jesus. We are still carrying it ourselves or pushing to lead in the yoke when we should be following. Here again we are reminded of where our cares should be placed. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

Next month I want to let you know what has happened with my mom and share more thoughts on what we do when life seems to turn upside down. I pray for each of you facing normal or unusual difficulties that your thoughts can move to eternity, that you will experience God’s comfort, that you will worship your Lord, and that you will cast all your cares on Him.

When Life Turns Upside Down – Part 1

This was posted on by .

We returned home from our five-week fall speaking trip on a Sunday evening. Settling back in after being gone several weeks requires the all-out effort of every family member. We busily began our unpacking routine, but by Monday evening we were faced with two major crises.

Late Monday afternoon, Melanie, our daughter-in-law, received word that her weekly blood tests, to monitor her pregnancy hormones, had recorded a drop indicating an impending miscarriage. Nathan and Melanie had struggled with infertility for five years. When the Lord finally opened Melanie’s womb, their little Susannah only lived three days. Then came the blessing of Abigail, now one and a half years old. Melanie had experienced a miscarriage in February of this year, and now it appeared that it was happening again.

After receiving the news from the doctor, Melanie called to ask for help with Abigail until Nathan was able to get home so she could sort through her emotions. Abigail ended up coming over to our house where her “aunties” played with her while I stayed with Melanie. We prayed, talked, read Scripture, and cried.

During this time, Steve felt the Lord putting it on his heart to go over to my parents’ house to talk with them. We all live within a block of each other, so these interactions are very convenient. My mom was having some serious health problems, which had begun just before our trip, for which we were all concerned. Her family practice doctor had sent her to a cardiologist who determined her heart was fine after several extensive tests. The cardiologist had sent her to a pulmonologist who had determined her lungs were fine after a few more tests. The pulmonologist suggested a neurologist.

Since we were to soon be home from our trip, the decision was made to wait for our return to decide what to do next. As Steve sat and talked with my mom that evening, he saw that her face was droopy and her speech was slurred. We already knew she was so weak she could hardly walk from one room to the next and that by the end of the day she couldn’t swallow her food. I joined them at the end of their conversation, and both Steve and I were quite alarmed by the extreme deterioration of my mom’s physical state.

We all face trials, struggles, and tribulations. 2 Corinthians 4:8-10 provides us with a description of how Paul felt in the midst of the deep trials of life and the outcomes he experienced: “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body.”

I would have to say that Paul’s troubles were far more than any you or I will likely face. Here is a list of many of the trials Paul experienced. “Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:25-28).

Paul had physical persecution and also the emotional strain of spiritually caring for and leading the churches. Through these particular struggles, Paul felt the same emotions that we feel when we have problems. However, he wasn’t overcome and overwhelmed by those emotions. His goal in the midst of the difficulties was that Jesus would be glorified.

When all is going as we have planned, when we can handle it, when we have it all together, what need is there for the Lord Jesus? What glory does He receive? However, when it is beyond our strength and outside of our personal resources, and we choose to rely on the Lord Jesus, Who gets the praise? “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us” (2 Corinthians 4:7).

“For we would not, brethren, have you ignorant of our trouble which came to us in Asia, that we were pressed out of measure, above strength, insomuch that we despaired even of life: But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9). In these verses, Paul says he despaired of life, but from 2 Corinthians 4:8, we know he was not in the depths of emotional despair. His situation was simply so desperate that he didn’t think he would live. In the midst of those kinds of circumstances, he had learned not to trust in himself but in God.

That kind of trusting comes about through the grace of the Lord. Again, Paul helps us with the practical life application. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

It is amazing to me that Paul could say he would glory in the struggles he faced because they provided the opportunities for God’s grace and power to be seen. That is the attitude I want to have when there are crises that happen in my life or the lives of those I love. I desire that my focus would come off the problems and onto the One Who helps us through our difficulties.

There is much more I would like to share on this topic, so I will continue it next month. Plus I will be able to tell you the outcomes of the situations with my mom and Melanie. In the meantime, may I encourage you as you face trials in your life to realize that the excellency of the power is of God and not of you. Would you look on your problems as opportunities to see God’s grace and power in your life?

Worldly Friends – Part 3

This was posted on by .

This month we continue with the topic of how we teach our children to love others who choose a worldly path but not embrace what they are doing. The previous Dad’s Corners can be read here.

We instruct our children best by our example. Our “walk” prepares the way for them to receive what we teach. Therefore, we could ask ourselves how we, as parents, are demonstrating the love of Jesus toward the worldly “Christians” we encounter while not being influenced by the sin in their lives.

Paul said in Philippians 3:17, “Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample.” Paul was commanding us to note those who live a Christ-honoring life and follow them as examples. He also encouraged us to notice those who do not have a godly life and come alongside them for the purpose of restoring them. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

Paul is directing that we would do two things with the information we learn from observing people’s lives. We look to those whose walk is Christ-honoring as examples, but we work toward restoring those who have a sinful, worldly lifestyle being careful that we ourselves aren’t influenced by their sin. Therefore, we can learn from Paul’s godly example as to how he lovingly attempted to help believers who were making bad choices.

Paul’s words in 2 Corinthians 2:4 express his broken heart and concern for the Corinthian believers. “For out of much affliction and anguish of heart I wrote unto you with many tears; not that ye should be grieved, but that ye might know the love which I have more abundantly unto you” (2 Corinthians 2:4).

“And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved” (2 Corinthians 12:15). Paul demonstrated his love by ministering with a willingness to suffer. Even at the risk of the Corinthians rejecting his leadership, Paul rebuked their conduct and did not back down. He was saying in verse fifteen that the more he loved them by speaking the truth in love, the less he was loved by them. Usually, the more someone is loved, the more he loves in return.

People want to be accepted and loved, and Paul was no different as noted by the fact that he mentioned that the Corinthians were loving him less. Paul, led by the Holy Spirit, didn’t come to the Corinthians to win their acceptance through funny pulpit stories and “I’m okay, you’re okay” talk. “When I therefore was thus minded, did I use lightness? or the things that I purpose, do I purpose according to the flesh, that with me there should be yea yea, and nay nay?” (2 Corinthians 1:17). Paul told them the truth about their sinful, worldly conduct and God’s thoughts on it even though he knew it was costing him the feelings of love the Corinthians should have had for him. “But as God is true, our word toward you was not yea and nay” (2 Corinthians 1:18).

A good doctor will tell the patient what his real condition is and what is necessary to restore him to health. Paul demonstrated in the Epistles that he was a good spiritual doctor because he was willing to directly address the bad news of their spiritual need. “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:” (Ephesians 4:15).

The Greek word for love in Ephesians 4:15 is agape and is well defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Paul’s love fits the criteria that is set forth in these verses. He was definitely kind and patient. He wasn’t proud as he exhorted them, but rather he was honest and direct.

In Ephesians we find another of the many examples in the New Testament of Paul speaking the truth in love to those in his flocks by exhorting them to stop living a worldly lifestyle. “This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: Who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness” (Ephesians 4:17-19).

Paul has set forth the example for believers as to how we love worldly believers, and we are the example for our children. Do we speak the truth in love to those who are worldly and help them to see their condition before the Lord Jesus? We may not be in a position of spiritual authority over our Christian friends, but we are still able to admonish one another in love. “And I myself also am persuaded of you, my brethren, that ye also are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge, able also to admonish one another” (Romans 15:14).

In the e-mails I receive, it often appears that people prefer to “wink” at the worldliness in others’ lives than to risk the possibility of losing their friendship or appearing to be “holier than thou.” This is generally stated in the context of a parent writing and expressing concern about the influences on his children from worldly families and friends. Rather than offend a brother by bringing up worldliness in his life or his family’s lives, the parent will allow his children to be in jeopardy of worldly influences.

Ignoring sin is more comfortable than admonishing. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17). When two pieces of steel are used to sharpen each other, friction results. A true friend will welcome and receive an admonishment. However, “A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise” (Proverbs 15:12). Only when a scorner repents will he come to realize that the one rebuking him was acting out of love.

Could it be that church discipline is so rare today because few are willing to take a chance of offending any one, and therefore, sin is tolerated? If brother would admonish brother in an ongoing, casual way—as iron sharpeneth iron—I believe there would far less need for church discipline because worldly, sinful lifestyles would be dealt with before they became major sins.

Worldliness is rampant among believers today. Similarly to the way a cold bug spreads in the physical realm, one worldly family spends time with a godly family and spiritually infects that family with their worldliness. It takes the deep love of a godly family, and a willingness to be rejected, to try to help a worldly family by speaking the truth in love. An evidence of our love for others is when we are willing to suffer loss of fellowship as a result of their not appreciating an admonition. Are we more concerned about their spiritual health or our desire for friendship? In a time of political correctness and tolerance, may we choose to be courageous and love others enough to encourage them in a closer walk with the Lord Jesus.

In this process, it is important that we share with our children concerning these interactions that we are having with worldly brethren. We want them to know biblically why we are speaking the truth in love—what the sin is, what Scripture says about it, and what the outcomes will be for those who choose not to repent. We desire that our children would understand the consequences of sin, and then abhor sin and a worldly lifestyle. This is an important part of our children learning to love the sinner and hate the sin rather than embracing it.

As our children see that our hearts are broken with concern for others and that we are willing to speak the truth in love, they are learning to love those for whom Christ died. When we share with them the truth of the Scripture, they will understand the seriousness of not embracing the world. If speaking the truth in love causes a distancing of a friendship, our children will observe our example of choosing fellowship with the Lord Jesus as being more important than worldly friends who will compromise our walk with Jesus. We will continue this next month.

Walking in the Light – Part 2

This was posted on by .

This month we are continuing our discussion concerning how we can deal with our feelings when we are spiritually different from those whom we usually find ourselves surrounded by, both Christians and non-Christians. To read last month’s article, see Part 1.

Here is the e-mail request that began this series of articles:

It would be great to have an encouraging Corner, one about how our walk is so very different from what even other Christians’ walks are.

It’s not easy making conservative Christian choices, even more so for a single, conservative Christian mom—there’s got to be more than one of me out there—a mom who’s the mom and the earner, who requires her children to obey, has modesty standards, limits outside influence and has her focus on the raising of her family, and having to do that alone.

Yet what’s really interesting is that every time I’m about to give in to what the world tempts, God steps in to remind me, usually through somebody else or somebody else’s situation, that the conservative choices I, or we, have made, are the right ones.

Being different from others often creates a sense of loneliness in our hearts. We may find ourselves longing for like-minded fellowship and companionship. This loneliness isn’t unique to us. Look at Paul’s experience with being different and the results in his life: “At my first answer no man stood with me, but all men forsook me: I pray God that it may not be laid to their charge. Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me; that by me the preaching might be fully known, and that all the Gentiles might hear: and I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion. And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen” (2 Timothy 4:16-18).

Here we observe Paul’s reaction to being so different that he was left completely alone, and he was the only one left standing for God’s truth. First we see he had a forgiving spirit toward those who had wronged him. Next, he didn’t focus on his sense of loneliness, nor did he make finding others who were like him his priority. He most certainly didn’t compromise or change his message.

Paul chose to continue to be busy about the work the Lord Jesus had given to him. His mind and heart were fastened on that work, which is then where he put his thoughts. He could continue in what he needed to do because the Lord stood with him. He didn’t have to stop for a season to find others who would support the truth he held so dear. He looked to the Lord for strength and continued to preach the message of the Lord Jesus.

I believe we can learn from Paul’s experience with loneliness. The consequences of his being different were much greater than the consequences of our being different. He faced physical persecution, imprisonment, and banishment in addition to his loneliness. Yet he continually stood firm. For the time being in our nation, when we choose to follow the Lord Jesus in all aspects of our lives, our persecution is not actual physical hardship like Paul experienced. We are different, perhaps lonely, and often we face peer and family pressure, but we are not fearful for our lives.

The following verses give us the Lord’s direction for how we should face any hardships that we would have in our lives as a result of standing firm on the truth of the Word. “Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:1-4).

Just like Paul, we are to be strong in the grace that is in Jesus Christ. We are to endure any difficulties that come our way because we belong to the Lord Jesus, we are fighting His battles, and we want to please Him. Our loneliness gives us opportunity to turn our focus fully on the Lord Jesus and off the distractions of this world.

In these situations, we find there is no comfort except the comfort of Jesus Christ. “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound in us, so our consolation also aboundeth by Christ. And whether we be afflicted, it is for your consolation and salvation, which is effectual in the enduring of the same sufferings which we also suffer: or whether we be comforted, it is for your consolation and salvation” (2 Corinthians 1:3-6). The Lord gives us comfort in our struggles, and He has a purpose in our learning to lean on His comfort, grace, and strength. We will pass on to others in need what we have learned.

While we may feel like the only ones making the choices we are making, it is probably much the same as it was with Elijah. “God hath not cast away his people which he foreknew. Wot ye not what the scripture saith of Elias? how he maketh intercession to God against Israel, saying, Lord, they have killed thy prophets, and digged down thine altars; and I am left alone, and they seek my life. But what saith the answer of God unto him? I have reserved to myself seven thousand men, who have not bowed the knee to the image of Baal” (Romans 11:2-4).

Elijah was convinced he was the only one who was remaining faithful to God, but there were seven thousand others who were just like him. He simply didn’t know them. He wasn’t able to have fellowship with them or be encouraged by them. Isn’t it interesting that the Lord didn’t tell Elijah to go find some of the seven thousand? Instead He wanted Elijah to remain faithful to the call He had put on his life.

We may grow weary in our walk when there aren’t others who are like-minded to encourage us. However, Scripture has direction for us in this as well. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9).

As we remain in the Word, growing in our walk with the Lord Jesus, we gain direction for our daily lives and strength to follow through with commitment. We can choose to let our minds be filled with thoughts of self-pity because of a lack of like-minded fellowship, letting this consume us and our time. Or we can serve the Lord Jesus, learning how He is a Friend like no other. May we be women who will steadfastly stay obedient to what Jesus has taught us even when we are different from others around us.

Worldly Friends – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month we discussed the seriousness of friendship with the world. Please see Part 1 if you didn’t read it last month or you want to review its information. We discovered that a friend of the world is an enemy of God. Therefore, it is a dangerous thing to have worldly friends due to their influence in our lives and also our children’s. One question this might bring to mind is how are we to harmonize the command “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you. . .” (Matthew 28:19-20) with Ephesians 6:4 that tells us to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?

To answer this, we must realize that Jesus is not commanding our children to reach the lost. That is our responsibility as mature believers in Christ. Children are children (big surprise?), and those they are around will greatly influence them. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20). Therefore if we don’t want our children to be worldly, we can’t have our children spending time with those who are worldly. This may be a shock to some, but Ephesians 4:14 is clear, “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive.” Reaching the unsaved or ministering to worldly Christians is our responsibility not our children’s because our children will be pulled down by worldly associations.

Some may not agree with the idea that children are not called to reach the lost or restore worldly Christians, but Scripture always agrees with Scripture. The Holy Spirit led Paul to write in Ephesians 4:14 that children will be tossed about and influenced by those they are around. Whether it is worldly Christians in clubs, teams, school or even church, they will exhibit a strong negative pull on the godly youth the more time they spend together. Certainly, the lost are far, far worse in their influence than even a worldly believer.

Consider Jesus’ disciples, who were men that Jesus was training personally. When Jesus first sent out these grown men, yet immature in their faith, He sent them out two by two. “And he called unto him the twelve, and began to send them forth by two and two; and gave them power over unclean spirits” (Mark 6:7). Missionaries today often go two-by-two because there is spiritual encouragement and accountability when two are sharing with the lost. The Lord is not going to send out a child to reach those who will be a stumbling block to his own faith.

Then let’s answer another question that begs to be asked. “Why would a child of more faith be pulled down by associating with a worldly child of less faith?” Aren’t we who are saved to be stronger than the world? “Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4). However, we still have the flesh to contend with, and Paul speaks clearly to this war.

Paul describes the battle that rages within each believer in Galatians 5:17: “For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” Surely, no one reading this would consider his child more spiritually strong and mature than Paul. Paul shares his struggles in doing what is right in Romans 7:18-19. Briefly, here, Paul says, “For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.” Even a spiritually mature person like Paul struggled in following the Spirit; therefore, our children will be pulled down by worldly associations.

Every saved person has two natures within him—a new saved spirit and the flesh. These two are at war constantly, and the battle is what Paul is describing in Romans 7:15-25. As we grow in Christ by reading the Word and making obedient choices, our spirit grows stronger in the Lord Jesus and more able to resist the pull of the flesh. However, even someone like Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, acknowledges the reality of the struggle. If it is such a battle for the mature, then that explains why children are so easily swayed.

A good example of this might be the game called tug of war. When you have only two people on the rope—each one pulling against the other—the strongest one wins. However, it is no contest when there are two on one side pulling against one on the other. That is why a Christian youth is pulled down by a worldly youth (Christian or lost). You have two against one. The worldly youth joins forces with the Christian youth’s flesh, and the two are more powerful than the Christian’s spirit can resist. The result is one more Christian youth being pulled to the world.

Parents frequently tell us that they can’t find like-hearted friends for their children so they just pray for their children and believe that their children’s faith will not be harmed by worldly Christian friends. If one doesn’t heed Scriptural warnings, disaster will likely result. “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished” (Proverbs 22:3). I have heard deep sorrow in the voices of many parents who have shared with us over the years about how they lost their children due to worldly friends, and the greatest tragedy is that it could have been avoided.

May each parent be on guard and resist the fallacy that their children won’t be harmed by worldly friends. We parents are the ones who are called to reach the lost and restore the worldly brother. Even then we must be on guard as well. “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted” (Galatians 6:1). Here Paul is exhorting us to come alongside a stumbling brother and help restore him. Furthermore, Paul adds a caution that we should be careful in this effort to restore because we might also be tempted in the sin that snared our brother. Even those mature in Christ are in danger of being pulled down by the worldly brother.

Next month we will continue this discussion on living in the world, loving those who are worldly, and not condemning them.

Worldly Friends – Part 1

This was posted on by .

A brother in the Lord recently asked me a question that deserved far more attention than the brief answer I was able to give him due to lack of time and thought. If we hadn’t been leaving when the question was asked, I’m sure it would have sparked a great discussion. The question was, “How do we teach our children to love others who choose a worldly path, but not embrace what they are doing and not condemn them?”

Every dad who understands the need to love others and yet has purposed to raise his children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4) should be concerned about this. We want to show the love of Christ to all we come in contact with and teach our children to do the same. We should teach our children to shun what Scripture says is wrong and worldly but to embrace what is of the Lord. In doing so, our children will view others through our grid of teaching and deem their conduct, activities and dress as good, bad, or in between. It is a very difficult challenge for our children to choose to live for the Lord Jesus, but not be influenced by other’s lifestyles and also not condemn them.

First, we dads must realize that being worldly is ungodly and dangerous to our children, otherwise this whole topic is a moot point. “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4). “Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world” (Titus 2:12). The word “friendship” in this verse simply means “fondness.” James is saying that even just a fondness for the world makes one an enemy of God. I don’t want that for myself or for my children.

James 4:4 seems to be a very black and white statement in a black, white, and gray world. How does a parent decide what is too much worldliness? I, personally, would rather not be even a little bit of an enemy with God. Isn’t it better to remain on the side of righteousness and to make sure we don’t have any kind of friendship with the world? Each dad needs to think hard about this and the ramifications to his family. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:1-2).

Next, it is important that we understand the danger associated with our children having worldly friends. If our children spend time with worldly children, will that worldliness “rub off” on them? “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive” (Ephesians 4:14). In this verse, we are told that we should no longer be children because children are easily influenced by others. Children are the example used in this verse of those who are being easily led away. This verse is very clear. It doesn’t limit those who are led away to children who are simple or gullible. ALL children fit this category of being tossed to and fro. We want to think our children are different—that they are strong and stable. However, Scripture says children are led astray. This is the nature of children, and it is critical that every parent believes what Scripture says. If we don’t apply this truth to our parenting, our children are in danger.

Whoever are children are around will influence them. That is one reason why we are told in Deuteronomy 6:7 to be with our children. “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” If we are with our children we have the opportunity to influence them ourselves and to protect them from unwholesome influences. Because of the preciousness of our children and how easily they are led astray, the Lord is telling us to be with our children.

Parents attending conservative churches frequently tell us of a struggle they have. They are pleased with the church in that it is conservative and doesn’t have programs that split up the family, yet often other parents will not oversee their children. After the worship time, the children are allowed to run loose, away from the parents, and negative “fruit” prevails with the children.

I know some parents think their children will conduct themselves properly even when among those who are acting inappropriately. That might be true, but I have seen many times through the years groups of men drawn into foolishness when they never would have acted that way with their wives present. I think most will find that even more “mature” youth will tend toward folly when among the “right” group of peers. It may not be as bad as worldly children initially, but it will all lead in the same ungodly direction. To avoid this influence on our children, we will need to be with them, and that will impact our time. As adults we want to enjoy fellowshipping with other adults while letting our children have “fun” with the other children. However, the fun they are having is often not for their edification.

It is common to hear about a family who has tragically lost their home to a fire. Even if everyone escapes safely, it is a terrible thing for a family’s home to be destroyed. Yet, many families choose to have fireplaces and woodstoves in their homes knowing fire presents a great danger to life and property. Why? It is because they are choosing to put safeguards in place to manage the danger of the fire. In the same way, it is important that each family understands the seriousness of exposing their children to worldly children and that they choose appropriate safeguards.

Now that we are in agreement as to the seriousness of friendship with the world, what does Scripture say about teaching children to love others and not condemn them? We are called to love others, but how we do that and protect our family is the key issue. We will continue this important topic next month.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure – Part 3

This was posted on by .

(We hadn’t realized we never completed a series we started earlier this year! So, here is the final part.) This month I want to finish the response to the questions contained in this e-mail:

“I was just reading your latest Mom’s Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight month olds. I don’t feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done such as when it comes to getting the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard.” Mom to Five

You can read the first two parts of this series of articles here.

To tackle the complaining about chores, doing school, or not having enough play time, much of what was shared in parts one and two of these articles will apply. In this case, once again, the consequences have to be consistent and effective. The children who complain about chores could be given more chores to do, which is a very natural consequence. However, with little children it can be difficult to come up with additional chores that they are capable of accomplishing since they can do so few chores on their own in the first place.

When our younger children complained about chores or school, I often used chair time as a consequence. Since their grumbles were linked to their desire to play rather than do what they needed to do, the consequence was designed to impact what they preferred to do while at the same time making it counterproductive to complain. If it wasn’t convenient for them to sit their chair time right at that moment, I wrote a note so that at lunchtime or later in the afternoon, the child would have his consequence.

As would frequently happen in our home, a child would likely make an excuse for his complaining, tell me he wasn’t grumbling, or argue about his consequence. I usually started with five minutes of chair-sitting time. When the excuses or arguing began, I said, “The time is now ten minutes.” If it continued (as often happened because the first try didn’t work), I would say, “The time is now fifteen minutes.” We had a couple of times where a child worked his way up to forty-five minutes. However, we felt the consequence was reasonable and so much better than becoming entangled in an argument with the child.

These two verses were the main ones we used with our children concerning complaining and why they shouldn’t grumble. “Do all things without murmurings and disputings” (Philippians 2:14). “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus” (Colossians 3:17). The first verse is the directive not to complain, and the second verse provides the instruction of what the child’s heart attitude is to encompass.

Something to take into consideration concerning both the children’s bickering and their complaining would be other influences. The more time children spend playing with friends, the more likely that they will be dissatisfied with their sibling playmates. They come to prefer their friends over their brothers and sisters. In addition, they are usually learning negative attitudes from their friends that they bring home and with which they begin to afflict their family members. Influences that cause unkindness among siblings might also be coming from other activities where our children are around other children. Being exposed to the typical child’s foolishness can lead our children to mirror that same foolishness in their lives with their brothers and sisters.

The same problems would go for the amount of time children spend watching TV. TV impacts children’s attitudes toward each other adversely, and it fosters a spirit of complaining when the children are required to do activities like chores and school that take away from TV time.

This mom also indicated that she doesn’t feel like she has time to stop and teach the children when a problem surfaces. She knows, though, the vital importance of investing time in the discipleship process with her children. I want to encourage this mom in the use of a daily schedule so that she is more productive and has time available not only to give her children consequences when they bicker but also to teach them how to be sweet to each other.

With five children, including twin eight month old babies, this mom most certainly has plenty to keep her busy. It is no wonder that she would struggle with time pressures and not think she has time to instruct her children when they are bickering. I firmly believe that a schedule is the key she needs to help her have the time to keep up with her household responsibilities, homeschool her children, and interact with them when they are not getting along well.

Our book Managers of Their Homes has much more information on scheduling and includes a Scheduling Kit (colored squares and sticky tac). Especially for those who don’t think they can schedule, it is designed to make the process as easy as possible. Daily, we receive testimonies about how this book is being used as a tool to transform families. To read some of them, just click on product testimonies at the above link. Even if you haven’t felt you could ever make or use a schedule, if you have a need in your home, I encourage you to consider a schedule as a solution.

Life with little children will bring bickering between them, complaining about responsibility, and time pressure for Mom. We know the importance of raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, so addressing these problems is vitally important. As a mom whose children are much older than the mom who wrote the introductory e-mail, I know firsthand the necessity of praying for ourselves and our children. I encourage young moms to expect the process of discipling their children to be a long-term project and to willingly invest their hearts into it. Then you want to look for consistent consequences that you can give with a loving attitude while evaluating any influences that may be undermining the work you are doing with your children. May I encourage you to be a mom who puts a schedule in place so that she will have the needed time to continually instruct her children in the way they should go. Let us run with patience the race that is set before us (Hebrews 12:1).

News and Children’s Internet Usage – Part 2

This was posted on by .

Last month, I answered the first part of an e-mail written to us from a mom wanting some input in a couple of areas of her life. One of those areas had to do with reading the newspaper and the discouragement it brings to her heart. If you want to read that Mom’s Corner, here is the link. This is the e-mail with the questions.

“I was wondering if you have advice on whether or not (and how much if so) to read the news. I find it can be so discouraging to read truthfully and yet know that we should have some awareness of what is going on in the world. I’d love to hear advice on how your family manages in this area.

“I was also wondering if you’d ever be willing to share how you were able to introduce your children to the Internet. I have taken perhaps an extreme approach and not allowed my sons access unless I am sitting next to them, and yet know that now that they are 15 and 18 I need to transition them and train them in this area. I’ve been at a loss for how to manage and would greatly appreciate any advice you can pass along!”

I am going to start by answering a question that I received from a couple of moms after reading last month’s Mom’s Corner where I shared our family’s journey to not being involved in the news. The question I was asked was how we know who to vote for when it is election time, and how do we get political information. At election time, we receive mailings from candidates and from Christian organizations that will tell us where the candidates stand on various issues. We can also get on the Internet to research the candidates.

When there are political things going on with homeschooling, we find out because we are part of Home School Legal Defense Association. They have e-mail alerts that let us know if there is something we need to bring to our congressmen’s attention. Kansans for Life inform us of what is going on in Kansas and the United States concerning the pro-life agenda and also concerning abortion. To be honest, we wonder why Christians would ever think they are receiving helpful political information from the worldly, liberal, biased media.

Now I want to move to addressing the question about our children and their Internet usage. As our children have been growing up in the computer age, we have chosen to see the computer as a tool, not a toy for entertainment. Therefore, the computer isn’t used for games, videos, surfing, chatting, social networking, or fun. The computer is used to meet a need like learning to type, typing answers to questions in a school book, doing income taxes, writing letters, tracking finances, looking for an automotive part for the bus, finding a recipe, and scrapbooking.

The Internet has much potential for polluting our children’s minds. We want them to understand that while the computer is a tool they are allowed to use, it is dangerous just as a power tool can be dangerous when it is mishandled. As far as Internet for our children, we have chosen to be very cautious and limiting with their Internet access. “. . . I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes. . .” (Psalms 101:2-3).

We have high levels of Internet parental-control security on all of our computers. Steve and I choose to live with the parental controls on our Internet for our personal protection, for our children’s protection, and as an example to them. This security blocks our computers from accessing Web sites that are in categories we have deemed unacceptable for our family. I am the only one who has access to what is needed to change those security settings. This provides a great deal of protection for our children on the Internet. We still have additional levels of accountability and sheltering regarding our children and their computers. (We use a free family filter called K9, although there is a small fee if you are a business user.)

Because all of the adults in our family use computers for their livelihood, they must upgrade computers regularly. That means the old computers are passed down to the children. Beginning this school year, even our twelve-year-old had a laptop computer—one that Nathan bought new for work, then I used it for several years, next Sarah had it, followed by Jesse, and now it belongs to Mary. Though our children have their own computers by age twelve or so, they do not have Internet access on their computers.

At this point, only the children over eighteen have access to the Internet on their computers. Joseph (20) and John (18) use the Internet when a sibling is sitting beside them who can see their screens. That gives an added level of accountability. Even my husband, Steve, and older son, Christopher, have an open-door policy with their computer work. Any family member can walk into their offices and observe what they are doing on their computers. Sarah and I have full access to look over their systems as well, and we receive reports on where each person has gone on the Internet.

The younger children, ages 12, 14, and 16, can use the Internet on a family member’s computer if they are being supervised. Sometimes this is inconvenient in our family, not only for the one who wants to use the Internet, but also for the one giving accountability. However, this is a level of sheltering that is important to us. It is vital to us not only for our children, but also for Steve and me.

Joseph, John, Anna, and Jesse have e-mail capability on their computers, but they send and receive all their e-mail only through Steve’s computer. This protects them from e-mail spam in general, but particularly from the spam that is morally corrupting. For free e-mail accounts, we have found Gmail to be much less objectionable than many others that offer free e-mail. Many of our family members have Gmail accounts.

While we are discussing our children and Internet usage, we should consider the example we as moms are setting for our children. There are many moms who appear to spend a great amount of time on the computer—e-mailing, writing blogs, visiting blogs, participating in chat rooms and message boards, instant messaging, and just surfing.

What example is being set for the children? Are we addicted to our computer time? Are we setting an appetite in our children’s hearts to spend their time on the computer? Are daily tasks being avoided for the computer? Are relationship-building activities taking second place to a computer screen? Do we want our children to remember a mom who was continually sitting in front of the computer? Do they see us as always anxious to leave behind daily tasks to get to the computer? Does this use of our time bring God glory? “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (Colossians 3:17).

Sometimes I wonder if the Internet is a modern-day version of the wandering from house to house that is described in this verse: “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not” (1 Timothy 5:13). Is it possible that moms who say they are too busy to read their Bibles every day are spending time on their computers? Would the Lord have us invest our time in our relationship with Him, relationships with our husbands and children, homemaking, and serving others rather than with the computer? I think these are good questions for us to consider prayerfully with the Lord.

The computer, Internet, and e-mail are wonderful tools that we and our children have at our disposal. However, they bring with them the potential of wasting much time, of becoming addicting, and even of ruining lives. We must consider the negative aspects of the computer when we are allowing the computer into our lives and the lives of our children. May we be extremely cautious with the computer. May we seek the Lord for how He would have us use it, the parameters He would direct us to, and the safeguards to have in place.