Category Archives: Series

News and Children’s Internet Usage – Part 1

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Once again this month’s Mom’s Corner is a response to an e-mail question we received that we felt might be something other moms were grappling with as well as the mom who wrote the e-mail. This mom writes:

“I was wondering if you have advice on whether or not (and how much if so) to read the news. I find it can be so discouraging to read truthfully and yet know that we should have some awareness of what is going on in the world. I’d love to hear advice on how your family manages in this area.

“I was also wondering if you’d ever be willing to share how you were able to introduce your children to the Internet. I have taken perhaps an extreme approach and not allowed my sons access unless I am sitting next to them, and yet know that now that they are 15 and 18 I need to transition them and train them in this area. I’ve been at a loss for how to manage and would greatly appreciate any advice you can pass along!”

About twenty years ago, Steve and I decided to stop taking the newspaper. By that point in our lives, we had already quit watching TV, so we didn’t have news exposure except through the newspaper and radio. Our older children were then ages where they could read well, and they picked up anything in the house they could find to read, including the newspaper. Because of this, Steve and I became aware of how news stories were impacting our children. In the process, we evaluated our own reception of that information.

What we found was that a great majority of the news was filled with evil, wickedness, and violence. We were sheltering our children from as much of the vileness of the world as we could, but through reading an article in the newspaper about a horrible crime, they could within just a few minutes be exposed to and educated in the most despicable levels of unrighteousness imaginable.

These verses became key in our decision to eliminate the newspaper from our home. “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret” (Ephesians 5:11-12). By reading the newspaper, we were on the listening end of what was being spoken of that was done in secret. In that knowledge of evil deeds, a level of fellowship with unrighteousness was accomplished. Even though our hearts despised the wickedness, it was still in our thoughts.

This verse also played a part in our decision: “. . . yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil” (Romans 16:19). How could our children, or even Steve and me, be simple concerning evil if we were reading the worst of the crimes committed in our community, our nation, and the world?

There was an easy solution to this problem, and that was to stop taking the newspaper. However, as was often true of our decisions like this one, it took a little longer to actually take the step to call and cancel the paper. That was because I was used to reading, or at least skimming the newspaper, and I found it enjoyable. In the letting-go process, I came to see that I had made the newspaper somewhat of an idol in my life. This became evident because of the difficulty I had in letting it go even though I could see it wasn’t good for my family or for me.

After stopping the newspaper, we rolled our zeal to be “informed” over to listening to the news on the radio. All the reasons for not reading a newspaper held true for not listening to the radio news except that now even the younger children, who couldn’t yet read, could be exposed to wickedness and evil. Soon we stopped listening to the radio news.

Here is what we can tell you about living without reading the newspaper or Internet news or listening to the radio news. Our children are protected from the evil information that comes through the news, and if for no other reason than that, we are overjoyed to have eliminated that knowledge of unrighteousness from our lives.

An unexpected blessing has been that my heart is much more peaceful because knowing of the evil and wickedness in the world often caused me to be fearful and worried. I would wonder if something like I had read about might happen to my family. If the news was about the possibility of war, I was fearful. If it brought tidings of gloom and doom on the economic scene, I worried about our family’s future. There was seldom good, uplifting news.

When I wasn’t reading or hearing the news, I was able to focus on loving my family, doing what the Lord Jesus had called me to do in my home, and ministering to those He brought into my path. This was much better use of my time and emotional energy than worrying about issues for which I had no control.

Somehow, we find out about major happenings in the world, our nation, and our local community. For example, the economic crisis our country is experiencing is discussed regularly as we interact with others in our town. When there was a plane crash, it was being talked about in the checkout line at the grocery store. However, we have discovered that people don’t usually tend to discuss publicly the evil and wicked crimes that are described in detail in the news. Therefore, we are free from that knowledge of unrighteousness, and we have a very small amount of information about local, national, and world events.

It seems that our world has convinced us that it is critically important for everyone to be continually informed via the news in one form or another. If one would choose not to watch the news, read it, or listen to it, our society makes it appear that we are uneducated and less of a person. Have you ever considered the amount of time Christians spend becoming informed via the news? We wonder how many spend that much time in the Word. What would happen if Christians invested their news time in Bible study or ministry?

We have no desire to go back to what we learned via the news. The freedom in our spirits, thoughts, and home is such a great blessing to us. Perhaps you have never considered that you could make the choice to not invest time in the news. Maybe you have thought there would be negative consequences if you weren’t informed about local, national, or world events. May I encourage you to consider what blessings you might receive in your life if you quit the news. Next month I will respond to the second question that was asked in the opening e-mail.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure – Part 2

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We are in the midst of a Mom’s Corner series addressing the questions raised in this e-mail:

“I was just reading your latest Mom’s Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight-month-olds. I don’t feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done, such as when it comes to get the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard.” Mom to Five

If you haven’t read Part 1 of this series, I suggest you read it so that you know what has already been said. This month I would like to move into considering how a mom would deal with the children’s continual bickering on a daily basis. Keep in mind the suggestions from last month, which advised that family time in the Word, having a mindset that raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a long-term project, and addressing sin in our own lives is the starting place.

I would encourage Mom to be in prayer concerning the problems she is observing in her children’s lives, such as sibling squabbles. This prayer would be during the mom’s daily Bible reading and prayer time and also each time that there is a particular situation that arises. Here is a good verse for Mom to pray for herself: “Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad. . .” (1 Kings 3:9). When praying for the children, this is one of many verses that would be powerful: “Lord Jesus, would You teach my children to ‘Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering'” (Colossians 3:12).

In looking back on my mothering with small children, I regret that I wasn’t as faithful in praying for my children and for myself, regarding specific issues, as I could have been. Regularly there were times when I simply dished out the consequence without taking time for prayer either in my heart or with the children. When we pray with our children at these moments, we are beginning the discipleship process of teaching them to rely on the Lord Jesus Christ, to look to Him for strength when we are weak, and also to confess sin to Him. That is every bit as important as teaching them to be nice to each other, and therefore, it is worthy of our time investment.

“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17). Obviously, the mom who wrote me the e-mail would testify that her children are not giving her rest or bringing delight to her soul. The solution to that problem is offered her in Proverbs: correct thy son. However, I can also testify that this correction needs to be consistently used if we hope to see it become effective.

That means we must know what we are going to use for a consequence if the children are bickering. When our children were younger, we had two main consequences to use if they were squabbling with each other. The first one was to sit each of the children involved in the situation on a dining room chair with a kitchen timer set for a pre-determined number of minutes. For our younger children, this was usually five to ten minutes, but if there were return visits to the chair in the same day, the time might be increased. We wanted the consequence to be effective and help to motivate the children to change their behavior. If the chair-sitting time wasn’t enough to do this, then it needed to be longer. By sitting the offending children on a chair, I removed them from whatever was creating the conflict between them. In addition, we gained a period of time for cooling off. It was difficult to work through the problem with the children when their emotions were running high, and they were greatly involved in the situation.

The second consequence we used came from this verse in Proverbs: “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). We grind our own wheat and make our bread. My little children preferred the soft inner pieces of bread versus the outside crusts, so I dried the crusts to be used for bread crumbs. However, at one point in our parenting, Steve and I realized that those dry crusts could provide us with a perfect consequence for children who weren’t being nice to each other.

We began having the children who were part of the conflict come to the dining room table to eat a dry crust. We briefly reviewed Proverbs 17:1 with them and explained that we would rather eat dry morsels all the time and have a peaceful home than to eat the way we usually eat, but with strife amongst family members. This was a simple consequence that I could use consistently—as long as I had some dry crusts available. It removed the children from the problematic situation, and it reinforced the Biblical analogy found in Proverbs 17:1.

With my children, I found it was important not to allow myself to be drawn into the children’s excuse making and not let them argue about a consequence. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit” (Proverbs 26:4-5). Each child usually felt that he was right and his sibling was wrong, making him full of excuses for his behavior. The truth was usually that either child could have chosen to be kind, thereby avoiding the problem. I did watch to see if a particular child might often be the aggressor in the situations so that I could be especially vigilant in trying to help him learn to be more loving.

I also used these times to work with the children to help them know how they could have done or said something differently in order to have avoided the conflict. My job was not only to correct my children but to teach them how to be nice to each other and how to resolve their own problems. That meant I told them what each of them could have done to have prevented the squabble or to have ended it once it was started.

We worked with our children in helping them recognize the sin in their lives in relation to the bickering that had transpired. We wanted them to be able to repent of their sin, confessing it to the Lord Jesus and to the one they had offended. We were teaching them to go to their sibling and ask his forgiveness for whatever they had done wrong.

When our children were little, we went through this process over and over again—consequences and teaching, consequences and teaching. Because the children were young, it sometimes seemed like we weren’t making very good progress in these areas. However, with each advancing year and a backward look, we could see that, step by step, the relationships were improving. The older the children became, the fewer conflicts there were between them and the fewer consequences that were needed.

Dealing on a daily basis with the bickering that can go on between siblings has a way of wearing a mom down. She needs to be dependent on the Lord Jesus Christ and be proactive in teaching the children how to avoid or resolve conflict. As we work with our children in these areas, we are following directives of the Word to bring our children up in both the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.

Bickering, Complaining, and Time Pressure – Part 1

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Recently, I received a request for a Mom’s Corner. Since it asks questions that come up fairly frequently, I thought the e-mail would make a good Mom’s Corner introduction.

“I was just reading your latest Mom’s Corner and was wondering about you addressing something in the future. We are trying to raise five children, ages six years down to eight months, in the way God would want. I am having difficulty with bickering, bickering, and more bickering. The children complain about having to do chores and not getting enough play time because they have to do school. We are homeschooling. I try to explain that we help each other and should treat each other as we would have others treat us. Also of note . . . I feel my time is so divided, especially with twin eight-month-olds. I don’t feel like I have the time to do all the things that need to be done, such as when it comes to get the children to listen and be kind to each other. I know that this should be the priority, but it seems too hard.” Mom to Five

There are three key areas that were addressed in this e-mail that I believe any mom with more than one child will experience. The first has to do with how one deals with continual squabbling between siblings, especially young ones. The second question involves children who complain about having to work and do school. The final one is the mom’s issue rather than the children’s problem, but having children and homeschooling certainly compounds the struggle this mom is experiencing of time pressures.

The heart and root of the children’s difficulties can be nicely addressed during family Bible time. As the family is in the Word every day, Dad can draw the children’s attention to Scripture that applies to the problems at hand. In Steve’s Dad’s Corner this month, he is discussing this same e-mail and how Dad can be a part of the solution. He is giving dads ideas of how they can use family Bible time to help their children spiritually. It is important for Mom to be communicating with Dad the struggles she is seeing in the children’s lives because she is the one who is around the children the most, and she is aware of what is happening in the hearts of the children.

While I believe family Bible time is the starting place for attacking the heart issues that cause both bickering and complaining, we still need to know how to deal with it every time it happens in daily life. A key ingredient in this process is what we, as moms, do with our thoughts when we continually have to face sibling squabbles and a child’s complaining. We have two choices concerning our thoughts. Will we be filled with anger, self pity, and worry? Will we take our thoughts captive? “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

One way to take our thoughts captive is to have correct expectations. Expect that raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is a long-term process. It is going to take time, consistency, perseverance, prayer, and just plain hard work. Don’t expect that you focus on the problem for a week and then have children who no longer are unkind to each other. Instead be grateful for each situation that arises and the opportunity it affords to pray for, disciple, and correct your children—all important aspects of raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. When this is our mindset, it is easier to patiently respond to the situations that arise with the children throughout each day.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1). As mothers, bringing up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is part of the spiritual race that is set before us. We must address the sin in our own lives, and then run that race with patience.

If we are regularly angry with the children over their wrong attitudes, then that is sin in our hearts that we must address. They are simply mirroring what they observe in us. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).

These verses not only tell us that anger is sin, but they also give us an antidote, which is particularly applicable to mothers, for that sin: kindness and tenderheartedness. When a mom is correcting her children for their bickering or complaining, if she will pull the child to her, hug the child, and put a few kisses on him before she begins to deal with the child’s problem, she will find her heart softening toward the child. It will help her not be angry with him and be able to gently admonish him, giving any necessary consequences without being harsh.

Are we crying out to the Lord Jesus for victory over the sin that we know is in our lives? We are dependent on the working of the Holy Spirit in our lives. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live” (Romans 8:12-13). It is through the Spirit that we take our thoughts captive and mortify the sin in our lives.

There is much more that I would like to share regarding the questions posed in the introductory e-mail of this article. The starting place is family time in the Word that takes Scripture and makes it applicable to the daily problems our children are facing. The next step involves Mom’s expectations of her children and her determination to see this project as a long-term one, which she tackles with perseverance and patience. She has to take her thoughts captive so that she isn’t dwelling on the negative. Then Mom wants to look into her own heart to evaluate whether there is sin in her life that might be contributing to the children’s sin. May we be women who use every difficulty we face to turn our faces to the One Who can help us, Jesus Christ.

Sports – Part 3

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“And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God” (Luke 16:15).

This is the final article in a series discussing sports and the Christian family. If you haven’t already read the two previous Corners on this topic, it is important that you do so, because they are necessary for the full understanding of the context of this discussion.

As I said previously, this series is written to dads who sincerely desire God’s best for their families and want to make their decisions based on the Word of God. Some readers may be tempted to bring up justifications for team sports based on their personal positive experiences with sports. Remember, though, if we are committed to living according to God’s Word, no matter how strong our justifications might be due to positive experiences or emotion, it doesn’t make it right if what we are justifying is contrary to Scripture.

An excellent example of putting “good justifications” in their proper place is from Matthew 16:21-23: “From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.” Here Peter was rebuking Jesus because he loved Jesus and didn’t want to see Jesus suffer on the cross. In return for Peter’s “kindness,” Jesus rebukes Peter with the same rebuke He gave to Satan when Jesus was first tempted in the wilderness (Luke 4:8).

How could Jesus rebuke Peter like that when Peter appears to have had wonderful motives? What could be wrong with not wanting to see someone you love suffer horribly? (Or what could be wrong with wanting your children to have fun?) Jesus showed us that life in Christ isn’t about good motives but rather obedience to the Father. Peter was attempting to hinder Christ from following God’s will for Jesus’ life. Can we begin to see how serious ANYTHING is that takes us away from following the Lord’s will for our lives? Can we see how it often is the savoring of activities and things of this earth that quickly draw us away? Sports may be one of the best examples of “things that be of men” and draw their hearts away. If anyone doubts this, just look at church attendance when there is a Super Bowl game on at home. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2).

Even if a person can’t bring himself to the point of saying sports are bad, surely it can be seen that they are not edifying in the Lord Jesus. “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any” (1 Corinthians 6:12). “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Paul says he won’t be involved in anything that has the potential of bringing him under “its” power or is not edifying. I can’t help but wonder if anything else has more men in bondage to it than sports.

Quite a few years ago, we were visiting a church, and my family was shocked at what we heard the pastor say. That Sunday morning the preacher shared how he was really looking forward to the Super Bowl because it had been years since he had seen a Super Bowl game where the blood really flowed. The two teams scheduled to play were tough, and he couldn’t wait to see the blood flowing. We all hoped he didn’t mean that literally, but it was obvious that he wanted to see a violent, hard-hitting game. How can we give our children appetites for things like that? Even if we are watching these games in moderation with our children, it will likely fuel a passion in our children that does not know the same limits.

Christians are called to lay down their lives for others, while team competition fuels a child’s pride and the desire to put himself first. This is contrary to Scripture and the command to love one’s brother. “And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also” (1 John 4:21).

One dad e-mailed me the link to a news documentary about what was happening to professional football players. Apparently, the shock to their brains is so violent that their life expectancy is, on average, over twenty years less than that of a normal person. It would be good for dads to evaluate all competitive sports they are watching or involved in as to whether they are giving their children a thirst for violence. Is this consistent with the command to every father to bring his children “up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)? Jesus lost so that others might win.

I was asked about other pastimes that many Christian families spend their time participating in such as board games, non-organized “friendly” basketball, football, and volleyball games or even spelling bees. Are they wrong or beneficial? I suggest that each dad evaluates them based on Scripture and family goals. For example, in light of 1 Corinthians 10:31 which says, “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God,” I ask myself these two questions concerning the activity: “Is there nothing better to do with the time? What appetites might be developed?”

I personally would avoid shooting baskets or playing football with my children. Why? Because those sports are addictive, as evidenced in many men’s lives. I wouldn’t want to cast a potential stumbling block in the path of my children. Some dads may have the maturity to limit it to just time with the boys, but children often won’t. While Dad may control it in moderation and not be tempted to tune into “the big game,” children won’t have that same level of self-discipline. Their exposure to sports during times together “shooting hoops” is likely going to give them an appetite for watching the pros and learning from them. I have observed in some families how this “innocent” use of time became a major appetite in their sons’ lives. So for us, I would rather avoid it.

What about many other family pastimes such as board games? There are a lot of board games that seem to really foster a spirit of competition. For us we would prefer to avoid those. However, there are some we have found that enhance thinking skills, are educational, or are Bible related, where someone “winning” just brings closure. Then the goal is mostly to learn in the process of spending time together.

What about spelling and geography academic competitions? To me they are just another way of taking a test to determine who scores the highest, unless some form of “hard-hitting” violence breaks out :-). I seriously doubt that children would find spelling bees to be addictive, so activities of that nature would be of little concern.

And what about the coed volleyball games that are pretty popular with the church youth? I haven’t observed any, but I suspect that winning could be a major thrust with some. If that is the case, then it becomes the opposite of loving my brother. Even if it is a noncompetitive time of fellowship, is there nothing better for the youth to do? What about using that energy to minister to others or do upkeep on the church? Frankly, coed teams are likely going to foster relationships between the boys and girls. That is why each parent needs to evaluate if their children are ready for marriage and whether this is a positive or negative thing.

What if a child is “gifted” with physical abilities, and the parents visualize him being a pro star who would give all the glory to the Lord? If people would be honest about it, I suspect the chance of that happening is on the order of winning the lottery. I believe there is the far higher probability of the child being drawn into the drugs, alcohol, and immorality that surrounds college and pro sports.

Nathan and Christopher were both gifted athletically, but based on what I have observed in others and read in Scripture, the last thing I would think is that God wanted them to play sports. Physical abilities just mean that God intends for them to use those talents to serve others, certainly not for fun and games. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). God gives us talents to be used in accordance with His will.

Look at the apostles and their ministry. God took uneducated men (with the exception of Paul) who were surrendered to Him and empowered them by His Holy Spirit. God does not need the fame a man gains for himself to prepare or use that man for His service. Even if someone is gifted physically, it highly unlikely that God intends to use that giftedness in sports.

Sports consume a tremendous amount of time both in practice and competition. Soon after I was saved, but before I came to these convictions on sports, I ran three marathons. That experience made me well acquainted with how much time sports training takes. If we value our time on earth as being precious and desire to redeem the time, then we will want to make sure we use our time as the Lord directs. “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).

Maybe you still are not convinced that the essence of competitive teams sports is the opposite of the life God has called us to live. Maybe when you or your children play or observe sports you aren’t crying, “Kill them!” and it is a simple pastime you enjoy. But what is the most valuable thing we have on earth? Isn’t it our time? Think about how much time sports robs the Kingdom of God of every day. Isn’t it time to put away unprofitable things and be busy for our Lord? “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Sports – Part 2

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In this series discussing sports and the Christian family, it is important to emphasize that this Corner is written for families where the dad is:

  • saved
  • striving to raise his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
  • deeply committed to leading his family consistently with Scripture
  • sincerely desiring God’s best for his family
  • not simply avoiding sin

It is expected that with any negative mention of sports there will be a few who protest and insist that the Apostle Paul would not agree that sports were the antithesis of the Christian walk. Then the verses where Paul refers to sports will be listed as proof Paul endorsed sports. Therefore, it would be good to objectively look at those verses briefly.

“Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Paul was using an example to which the Corinthians would relate. Corinth was where the Isthmian games were held in a staggered yearly timing with the Olympic games. Since the Isthmian games were in honor of the Greek god Poseidon, there were sacrifices to this false god as part of the festivities.

The competing athletes were so committed to their sport that many were willing to give their lives for a corruptible crown. Paul had a terrific example of a worthless crown because the crown they were competing for was woven out of celery. Think how long that celery-crown would have looked nice before it wilted and rotted, unlike the fancy chrome trophies of today that sit on shelves gathering dust.

Some of the “games” were horrifically brutal and often resulted in the maiming or death of one of the opponents. In one competition, which involved a combination of boxing (“beateth the air”) and wrestling, the only two rules were no biting or gouging out of the eyes, but breaking bones, dislocating joints, and choking to the point of death were all fully acceptable and encouraged. Would Paul have attended, encouraged participation in, or endorsed such things? Not a chance.

Paul used these games as an example of how foolish for a man to spend his time training, competing, and possibly giving his life for something that has little value. How much more we should discipline our flesh and follow hard after things that have eternal benefit, not pursue the games of the world. We are to invest our time and lives in pursuing the crown that everyone can win and doesn’t fade or decay.

Some also might think that these verses from Hebrews could also be used by those endorsing sports for Christians, so let’s investigate them.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

The author of Hebrews is using an example of a foot race involving a crowd watching to see how determined and prepared the participants are. He calls special attention to a runner’s weight. If you haven’t noticed, a competitive runner is smaller than he might be because every pound of extra weight is a great hindrance to his performance. Additional body weight will not disqualify the dedicated runner, but it will burden him, perhaps causing him not to win.

The writer of Hebrews is trying to convey how easily we are entangled in the things of this world that weigh us down, that hinder or prevent our service to the Lord Jesus. He is not suggesting we get involved in a foot race. He is cautioning us not to be burdened with things that will impede our spiritual performance, and he is encouraging us to patiently run the spiritual race set before us.

A direct application of this verse would be our time usage. We all have only twenty-four hours in the day to be busy about what the Lord has called us to do. I don’t think I’ve met a man who will disagree that sports are a horrendous stumbling block to many men (usually never themselves). These “other” men squander vast amounts of time to the idol of sports in their lives. Even if we ignore idolatry, just the wasting of the most precious commodity in life—our time—is serious in itself. Sadly, sports has to be one of the greatest examples of a weight that burdens men down today. In those homes where there is time for the “big game” with the cheerleaders and beer commercials, there is likely little time for family Bible and one-on-one interactions with the children.

I would like to give you three sections of Scripture showing how Paul uses examples from daily life to help his readers understand a spiritual concept, but he isn’t directing that they live out the actual example.

“If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not? let us eat and drink; for to morrow we die.” (1 Corinthians 15:32)

Paul is not suggesting that we die in the arena by the wild beast, nor is he endorsing living an indulgent life of being merry with food and drink. He is saying that there is no benefit if we give our lives in service if there is no resurrection.

“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.” (2 Timothy 2:3-4)

Paul is not telling us to enlist in the army, wear helmets, and carry guns as good soldiers of Jesus Christ. He is strictly making a spiritual analogy relating soldiers being prepared to endure difficult situations to Christians not being distracted by the affairs of this life. We are to be fully committed to the service of the King. In fact sports would be a good example of “affairs of this life” that entangle so many men today.

“And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)

Paul is not promoting that we give everything we have to the poor, nor that we volunteer to be burned at the stake. He is making the point that extreme self-sacrifice is of no profit if we don’t have charity.

Another section of Scripture that will be suggested to justify time spent on sports is 1 Corinthians 9:22-23.

“To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.” (1 Corinthians 9:22-23)

Is Paul saying we compromise truth and what he teaches in other verses to win the lost? Is Paul saying that if the world pursues sports, then Christians are to pursue sports so that they can reach the world? The world also pursues alcohol. Should Christians pursue alcohol as well? Is Paul suggesting that we go to the local bar and share a “brew” with someone in hopes of leading him to Christ?

I have yet to read a verse that indicates we compromise truth in our lives. If that was the case, then there would be no need for Scripture because the “silver bullet” excuse for not living according to God’s Word would always be, “I was doing it to reach the lost.”

A sports example consistent with this verse would be if we have a neighbor who is crazy about sports and he spends all his time at home watching them. One would not shun him because of this. When interacting with him, one would not tell him he is wrong or wasting his time. One would listen to the things he wants to share about them. Listening will not compromise truth, and it will not defraud. On the other hand, to go to the sports bars, watch the game, and drink with him would be a compromise, a snare to ourselves, and something we couldn’t do. For the sake of matters of preference, we seek to win the lost. However, we never compromise on matters of integrity or purity.

I trust that it is clearly seen that Paul was in no way promoting that believers should participate in sports. Just because David had several wives, it does not mean that Scripture endorses polygamy. Sports is a prime example of something that greatly hinders believers’ service of the Lord Jesus. As I mentioned previously, we need go no further than to look to many homes where sports take precious time away from the family being in God’s Word every day. Clearly, sports are no friend of the serious believer. For more information on this, I suggest you listen to our audio Sports-Friend or Foe?. We continue this series next month.

Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 4

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When I received several e-mails asking questions about Scripture memory and Bible copying, I thought they would be good topics for a Mom’s Corner. As I got started, I discovered that there was much more to say about memorizing Scripture than I could fit into a normal-length Mom’s Corner. This month’s article will conclude the series, finally reaching the subject of Bible copying. Next month I plan a related follow-on subject.

From the beginning of our homeschooling, we have used Scripture verses for our children’s handwriting work, as they learn first how to print, then practice it, and finally move to cursive penmanship. However, it is only in the past three years that we have begun having our children do actual Bible copying.

In Deuteronomy we find some beautiful verses that describe how the king of Israel was to copy Scripture and the benefits that copying and daily reading the Word would have for him. “And it shall be, when he sitteth upon the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write him a copy of this law in a book out of that which is before the priests the Levites: And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them: That his heart be not lifted up above his brethren, and that he turn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left: to the end that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he, and his children, in the midst of Israel” (Deuteronomy 17:18-20).

So far we have used spiral notebooks for the children to copy into. However, we have seen how using a 3-ring binder with loose-leaf paper would be an option as well. In the spiral notebooks, the children are limited if they accidentally skip a few verses. There is no way to insert an extra page, and that option would be available if they were writing on loose-leaf paper. This would also allow them to redo a page and insert it in if we wanted them to do that. We like the spiral notebooks because the pages stay together, and when a child completes a notebook it is already bound together.

Our children have done their Bible copying with pencil rather than pen. That is because when they make a mistake, the pencil allows them to erase and redo it without making the page look bad. They will make errors as they copy that they will catch, and I find things that they have missed that need to be fixed.

Steve started the children in Genesis with their Bible copying, but after a few weeks they jointly decided to move to Matthew. Often if a child is working on memorizing a chapter of Scripture, he will use that chapter for his Bible copying until he completes it and then move back to his other copying. That is another advantage for copying into a 3-ring binder on loose-leaf paper versus a spiral notebook, because the chapters can then be placed into the 3-ring binder in the correct order.

The Bible copying is part of the children’s school time. When they are Bible copying, they are easily able to set their minds on things above as Colossians 3 tells us to do. They also are receiving spelling, handwriting, and grammar practice. One of our children was completing her spelling curriculum well each week, but it wasn’t transferring to her daily writing. We decided to have her stop her spelling curriculum and increase her Bible copying time to see if that would help her with her spelling skills. For a younger child, I will read over his Bible copying every day during my one-on-one meeting with him. Then if there are any errors, he will correct them right then. For the older children, either Steve or I will occasionally look over their Bible copying for neatness and accuracy.

After the first Corner on Scripture memory, a mom wrote to me telling about how they had begun working on memory verses at mealtime after asking the blessing on the food. Here is her experience:

“Thanks for sharing the tip about reciting a Bible memory verse after saying grace. My three-year-old daughter is now learning her memory verse in couple of days rather than a couple of weeks.” Mom A

When I wrote to ask this mom for permission to use her testimony, not only did she give me her permission but she also gave some more details about how the memorizing was being facilitated by this method.

“We have been learning a verse for each alphabet letter. We’ve been struggling with the verses for letters A-L because they were only recited once a day, and often I would forget to do even that. When I read the Mom’s Corner, I was quite excited because I knew this would be an easy system to implement and would give practice several times a day.

“I started last week with ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever’ (Hebrews 13:8). We said our prayers before eating, and then I taught the verse verbally. The first day it was mainly my husband or I reciting the verse for my child, but by the end of the second day my three-year-old child could recite the verse.

“The reference seems to be more challenging for my child. We continue to recite it, but at this point I am happy with getting God’s Word into my child’s heart and references being learned later.

“The verse for this week started with the letter K, and it is, ‘Keep my commandments, and live. . .’ (Proverbs 7:2). This verse was also learned in two days, so I should try some longer verses. I also want to do a review week to review past verses.” Mom A

This family decided to use meals to give them a consistent time to work for a couple of minutes on memory verses. They had good success because of the consistency of the study. If it is important to learn the references, then slowing the pace down will allow for that. In not much more time, the reference will be learned as well. For a three-year-old child, that might mean he isn’t learning a verse every single week, but when the verse is down pat with the reference, the family can start on the next verse. We set whatever pace we choose.

Another family e-mailed and told how they had implemented using a whiteboard for memorizing Scripture. Here is what she said.

“Teri recently shared about using a whiteboard for Scripture memory. I loved the idea, and yesterday my husband bought me a whiteboard for this purpose. We have a built-in microwave in our kitchen but do not ever use it, and so it always bothered me being there. I hung the whiteboard right over it.

“We are working on the first section of Psalms 119 right now, and having it so central to where we spend much of our day has already been a blessing!!! My husband and I sat and read it several times last night when we were visiting after the kids were in bed, the children were reading it first thing this morning, and the non-readers were asking the older children to read it to them. I love this and look forward to it always being a central part of our kitchen. Thank you for sharing the idea!!!!” Mom B

I had a mom e-mail me and share with me her personal struggle with pride because of how young her child was and what she had helped him to memorize. The Lord convicted her of her pride, and drew her heart to focus on the truth of why one would memorize Scripture. Scripture memory is an empty discipline unless what is memorized is utilized in a life. It could lead to pride and hypocrisy—a knowledge of the Word without the life of the Spirit. However, if we are using what we memorize to help us walk in grace and obedience, Scripture memory is a powerful ally for us and for our children as we walk in the Spirit.

One other thought I want to share with you comes from a mom who wrote to me and told me what her husband says about Scripture memory. I loved the analogy, and I wanted to pass it on to you as well.

“My husband always says, remember that God’s Word is our sword, when we physically have it in our hands it is like having the sword in its sheath, but when we have it memorized it is like it is out of the sheath ready to do battle.” Mom C

Psalms 19 and Psalms 119 are beautiful passages of Scripture detailing the benefits and value of the Word in our lives and our children’s lives. Here is part of Psalms 19: “The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer” (Psalms 19:7-14).

Because I have that desire for the Word of God in my life, I want to have the Word not only available when I can get a Bible out to read but also embedded in my mind, available anytime, anyplace. That is important for my children as well. May we be women who memorize the Word ourselves and also help our children memorize.

Sports – Part 1

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Here is an e-mail I recently received:

“I read your last article about the grandparents, and you said that your family doesn’t do sports. I am very interested in this philosophy and would like to know if you have Scripture that backs this up, or is it just your family’s preference? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I know you have very good family values and back up your writing biblically. I was wondering if you could give me the reason your family doesn’t do sports or possibly is it just organized sports that you are talking about?”

From discussions with families, I have found that any negative mention of sports can be a very hot topic. I remember presenting the session “Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single-Income Family” (we also have a book with the same title) at a homeschool conference where I made one brief comment about sports being a hindrance to a young man learning vocational skills.

After the session, one mom cornered me as I left and expounded on all her reasons why sports were wonderful. For the next thirty minutes, she was the buzz-saw, and I was the wood as she vented her justification for spending large amounts of time on their passion. There have been other professing believers who have let me know in no uncertain terms how important sports are in their lives.

If you are a Christian and committed to sports, I’m not trying to pick a fight, because I have more profitable things to do with my time. If you can’t read this with an open mind, then please simply stop reading now. Each of us will give an accounting to the Lord Jesus for the way we use our time and the decisions we make, so let each be persuaded in his own mind. This Corner is for those families who would like to hear what Scripture says about sports as the writer above has requested. Please pray that I will be faithful in sharing the Lord’s heart in this matter.

This Corner is not written to the lost because, frankly, for them sports may be a better use of time than many pastimes in which they could be engaged. However, even for those who don’t base their lives on the Bible, logically speaking, sports may still not be the best use of a child’s time, provided the parents have normal, vocationally-related, long-term goals for their children.

Therefore, it is important to clarify that this Corner is written to families where Dad is:

  • saved
  • striving to raise his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
  • deeply committed to leading his family consistently with Scripture
  • sincerely desiring God’s best for his family
  • not simply avoiding sin

We need to begin by defining sports for the purpose of this discussion because there are a wide variety of activities that are called sports, and some are beyond the scope of this Corner. The first use of the word “sport” in Scripture is found in Judges 16:25: “And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars.” According to Strong’s Talking Greek and Hebrew Dictionary, the Hebrew word for sport is sahaq and is also translated to play (10 times), laugh (10), rejoice (3), scorn (3), sport (3), and five other words. To play and have a good time is a primary thread woven into the fabric of why sports are important to families today and a key aspect of its definition.

Next, I went to a number of resources to see what our modern English definition of sports would be. Merriam-Webster primarily defines sport as “a source of diversion, recreation, a physical activity engaged in for pleasure such as an athletic game.” To compete is the heart of most athletic games, and compete is defined as follows: “To strive consciously or unconsciously for an objective (as position, profit, or prize): be in a state if rivalry.” Finally, rival is defined as “one of two or more striving to reach or obtain something that only one can possess.” So for the purpose of this discussion, let’s define sports as “physical activities that are fun or pleasurable where the purpose is to compete and win against another person or team.” Whether the sport is officially organized and whether a score is kept have some bearing, but we won’t make that part of the definition.

Now, let’s consider a couple of verses that present the foundation of the Christian faith. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17). Might we sum up the Christian faith in the words self-sacrifice and love for others who don’t love us? Briefly put, it means, in response to the Father’s great love, Jesus obediently gave His life so that sinners (losers) might be made righteous (winners) and have a relationship with the Father through Jesus. Glory!

That is why Jesus would say to His disciples in Matthew 16:24: “. . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” If fun is our motive in activities, no one is going to take Matthew 16:24 seriously because there is nothing fun about self-sacrifice and self-denial.

Now compare the above Scripture to sports. If my readers can be open minded, it is seen that sports are the antithesis, the exact opposite, of the Christian faith. The basis for sports is that we have fun as we compete against others with the goal to defeat them, resulting in me being number one and my opponent being the loser. Sports are all about winning and making someone else the loser. My rival is crushed in defeat so I can be the best.

On the other hand, the Christian faith is where we can all be winners, and we are all trying to attain the crown together. I help you, and you help me. We all win together. “Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing” (2 Timothy 4:8). Sports train us to receive pleasure in putting ourselves first and others down. However, life in Christ is all about putting ourselves last while we attempt to lift others up.

Some may think that when a team works together to win they are helping those members of the team who are less able or skillful to all win together. Again, an open mind will see that the spirit of competition and being first is predominant inside the team itself. From our experience and from others’ feedback, even in fairly noncompetitive leagues, within each team, the good players “win” the best positions and opportunities. The poor athletes are given token playing time and become champion benchwarmers. The reality is that sports are all about winning and defeating the opponent. Jesus is the One “Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works” (Titus 2:14). Jesus gave the example of “losing” (death on the cross) to win us away from the penalty of our sin.

I want to share just a few other verses that highlight ways in which sports are the antithesis of the Christian walk.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” (Romans 12:10)

We are to teach our children to love others—wanting them to succeed before us instead of crushing them for our pride and recreation. I expect almost everyone has heard belittling comments addressed to the opposite team. Anger is rampant among spectators, and in doing research for this topic, I read Internet news articles stating what a problem anger is for organized youth sports activities.

“For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh.” (Romans 9:3)

Paul was willing to go to hell, the ultimate defeat, so that others would win a relationship with the Father.

“For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Romans 13:9)

Sports fuels pride in that to be a champion I must defeat my neighbor.

“Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.” (1 Timothy 2:6)

If one team gave themselves so that the other one would win, it wouldn’t be fun any longer, and no one would come to watch.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)

I can’t help but wonder how many marriages have been ruined because of husbands having this spirit of competition so ingrained in their hearts. They don’t understand that Paul, by the Holy Spirit, is teaching us that we are to give our lives for our wives, not compete against them.

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

If I am bought with His blood, purchased to be a righteous instrument in the hands of Almighty God, then I am to give myself for others as well.

There is so much more to this topic that we will continue it in the next Corner. The first step is understanding how deeply contrary sports are to the life of Christ. Will we have the mind of Christ or the heart of the world? Are we raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord or in the “me first” way of the world?

Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 3

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In the past few Mom’s Corners, I have been answering questions that were e-mailed to me concerning how my children memorize Scripture, how I memorize Scripture, and how we use Bible copying in our homeschool.

So far we have mostly covered how our younger children memorize Scripture, but in reality when I am helping them memorize, I am memorizing as well. This is memorizing that doesn’t take any extra effort on my part because I am already investing my time with the child with whom I am working.

However, I also desire to memorize verses and sections of Scripture that the Lord has put on my heart as having particular application to the greatest needs in my life. The places I choose to memorize come from my personal time reading the Word. When I come to a passage that is especially relevant to struggles and failures I am experiencing, I begin memorizing it if I am ready for something new on which to work, or I write it down in my quiet-time notebook to come back to when I finish memorizing the section on which I am currently working. Most of the time, I memorize from the New Testament, but I have also memorized various Psalms and a few other sections of the Old Testament.

When would one fit Scripture memory into a busy mom’s life? The Bible memory method I described in the first Mom’s Corner on Scripture memory, which I named the whiteboard-mealtime-grace method, is the simplest way to memorize without any impact to our time. I also find I can make steady, significant memorizing progress if I will just extend my scheduled time in the Word and prayer by five minutes. Those extra five minutes I spend on memorizing. In addition, I have used bigger chunks of time in the evening by going to bed ten to fifteen minutes early and memorizing while I wait for Steve to come to bed.

I do my personal memorization in much the same fashion as I shared in the first Mom’s Corner on Scripture memory, describing how I would help our pre-readers to memorize. I read the first phrase of the verse several times, and then I try to say it. If I need to, I look back at the verse. I keep doing this until I have that first phrase down. Usually this means I don’t move on to the second phrase that day because I won’t yet have learned the first phrase, especially if I am working on memorizing for only five minutes a day.

The second day, I will try to remember how the first phrase began, but generally it takes me a week or so to be able to start the verse on my own without looking. I am not discouraged by that, but I just keep plugging away, knowing that eventually I will be able to begin the verse without help. Even though I can’t start the phrase, by reviewing the first phrase the next day and working on it a bit more, I will be ready to move on to the second phrase.

When I have the second phrase down, I go back to saying the first phrase and attempt to add the second phrase to the first. If I can’t get it, I look back at the text for some help and go through the process again. Each succeeding day, I try to recall what I memorized the day before. Usually I will need to look at the first word or two to get me started. However, before long, I know the beginning of the newest phrase and no longer require the prompts to get me going. When I have a difficult section, I just stay on it until I get it. I don’t push myself because it is more important to me to really know what I am memorizing than to have covered a certain number of verses in a certain amount of time.

A key aspect that I discovered for my successful memorizing was to do it out loud. That helped me learn the verses faster and allowed me to be able to speak them when I wanted to say them. I used to memorize in my mind without speaking the verses aloud. However, when I tried to say the verses, I had trouble. I could recite them perfectly in my head, but when they came out of my mouth, they sounded different, and I would get stuck. When I moved to memorizing out loud, I then found the verses were at my disposal not only to recall in my mind but also to share with my family or someone else.

Reviewing memorized verses is important if we want to keep them in memory. I have memorized many verses in the past that I couldn’t repeat today, simply because there is only so much time that I can give for Scripture memory review. I didn’t choose to review those verses and eventually they were forgotten.

Even if I don’t keep verses in long-term memory by reviewing them, I have still seen benefit in memorizing them. When I choose a passage, there is usually a need in my life to which those verses speak. For example, I memorized 2 Corinthians 4:8-17 when I was struggling with depression. That whole passage spoke to my heart in the midst of the negative thoughts with which I wrestled. “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). I couldn’t quote those verses to you today, but they ministered to me then. Because of memorizing them, I also know in a general way what they say and where to find them. In addition, even though verses I have memorized are forgotten, the Holy Spirit will recall them to me at times.

The sections of Scripture that I want to keep in mind, I will review. Obviously when I am memorizing I am reviewing what I am in the process of memorizing, but I also try to find other time to review previously-learned verses. One of those times is when I blow-dry my hair. I usually only take time to blow-dry my hair on Sunday mornings. I use those fifteen minutes each week to review previously-learned memory verses. I am currently working at teaching myself to go through memory verses when I shower. Right now, since it isn’t my habit, I forget more than I remember, but I am determined to keep trying. Eventually I will remember more than I forget, and then it will be my habit.

The Lord put on my heart that speaking His Word to myself rather than always thinking my own thoughts was part of what Colossians 3—a chapter I have memorized—tells me to do. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2) and “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom. . .” (Colossians 3:16). I also like to use some of the time that we are traveling to review memory verses. I am sure there are a few minutes here and a few there that we all have which can be devoted to reviewing memorized verses—if we will look for that time.

If you would like some suggestions for sections of Scripture to memorize, I will share with you some of my favorites. The three portions of the Word that I currently keep reviewed are: Romans 12, Colossians 3, and Philippians 4:4-19. Here are other passages that I have memorized, and I think you would benefit from as well: John 14:1-21, John 15:1-17, James 1, Hebrews 11, Hebrews 12:1-11, 2 Timothy 2:1-15.

I would encourage you to keep an ongoing list of what you memorize. I haven’t done this until recently, and it saddens me that I don’t have a record of all the Scripture I have memorized over the years. I have also begun to keep a list of the Scripture we learn as a family by reciting it after saying grace at our meals.

Once again, I find that I need to bring this Mom’s Corner to an end, and I plan to conclude next month by finally getting to the subject of Bible copying. In addition, I have received a couple of Scripture memory testimonies that I would like to share with you. I want to encourage each of us not only to help our children memorize Scripture but also to make it a priority in our lives as well.

A Follow Up to the Deception Series

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After my recent series of Dad’s Corners called Protecting Against Deception, I received an e-mail with a very real situation that is regularly faced by families.

This is part of that e-mail.

“Oh the discussions that we have been having with the ‘fun’ articles being addressed in the Corners. Thank you for the salt!!!

“We don’t think we could have put into words what my soul was feeling, but this has been really hitting me hard. We fully agree with your words and are encouraged and challenged to consider our actions, activities, and time all the more. Our struggle in reading this is how to lovingly address our parents. Our parents confess with their mouths that Jesus is their Lord and Savior. However, they are very bothered with how our family operates—we don’t participate in sports, we have family devotions every evening, and (to them) our children go to bed way too early.

“We struggle so much with what to do with our parents. We know that we are to honor them. We have six children, and two of them are really wooed by the ways of our parents after being around them. They tell us how they sometimes feel in conflict because what Dad and Mom says is different from what Grandma and Grandpa say. Our parents want constant entertainment (and have the means to do just that), and so are constantly talking to the children about going to Disneyland, etc. They have recently retired and talk to the kids about how bad work is and how great it is to surf all day and play. Our nine-year-old says he wants to be just like that. 🙁

“How do you deal with this conflict? We feel like the souls of our children are at risk with the influence of their grandparents.” A Parent Following the Narrow Path

Isn’t that just how it is? There are always so many others who think they know best how we are to raise our children. The writer of this e-mail refers to grandparents, but it can be aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors, or even those from church. Any of them might take it upon themselves to pressure us to conform to their ideas of how the Christian life should be lived and “our” children raised. Therefore, we must expect people to pressure us to conform to their way of raising children.

When the pressure comes, we need to quickly evaluate the fruit that might result from following that advice. Will the fruit be good fruit if we follow the offered counsel? “Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples” (John 15:8). Will the fruit be bad fruit? “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:15-20).

There are two pretty clear concerns shared in the e-mail. “Our parents want constant entertainment.” What is the likely fruit of this mindset? The fruit of an entertainment lifestyle will be those who are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God. “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:4).

The second concern is: “They [our children] tell us how they sometimes feel in conflict because what Dad or Mom says is different from what Grandma and Grandpa say. . . . Our nine-year-old says he wants to be just like that [the grandparents].” Children will be pulled to follow their grandparents, especially when it is a fun-filled path. It becomes a very difficult thing to teach our children to respect their grandparents when the grandparents choose a worldly, entertainment, self-seeking lifestyle, while still wanting them to follow their parents down the narrow path of self-denial and serving the Lord Jesus. Jesus tells us plainly of this dichotomy: “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24). The fruit these parents are concerned about (and should be) is that the children will be forced to rebel against either the parents or the grandparents.

How does a Christ-led family contend with such a challenge while still protecting and raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Ignoring it in the hopes it will go away will most likely not yield good fruit. This is evident by the statement in the e-mail: “They [the grandparents] are very bothered with how our family operates.” This shows that the grandparents, even though professing faith in Jesus Christ, are not willing to follow Him in practice. “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). In addition, the grandparents have taken their disagreement with the parents’ choices in how they follow Jesus directly to the children. That is serious.

All families will vary to some degree in the path they are following. However, when an adult takes his disagreement directly to the children, it conveys a total disrespect for the parents’ authority, and that is guerrilla warfare. We see clearly in our world when this sort of warfare is ignored by a country, the country’s leadership is usually eventually toppled. Why should we expect different results in a family setting? Understanding the seriousness of this situation is important in establishing a plan for restoring a proper relationship.

At this point, the difficulty of honoring the grandparents while protecting the children will lead to some degree of confrontation. Honoring does not mean we ignore our God-given responsibility of bringing our children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Raising the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a responsibility the Lord has given to the parents not the grandparents. The question that must be answered is whether the grandparents will respect the parents’ responsibility before the Lord.

Therefore, one approach would be for the parents to ask to come over to the grandparent’s house to discuss something. If the grandparents tend toward anger, then a public setting might help temper their responses, so going out for dinner is a possibility. Begin the time with prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit to lead and guide the discussions so that the Lord is glorified, allowing the family to be strong and unified in the Lord Jesus.

After prayer would be a good time to ask the grandparents if they desire to see their grandchildren raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Tell them you would like to share with them the vision God has given you for your family so that you can do just that. This is why it is important that every family has a written vision statement and the Scripture to back up each item. Explain to them your vision statement, and read the Scripture that goes with each point explaining how you are intending to arrive at each goal. Then ask them if they will give you their full support in following the Lord’s direction for your family. Hopefully, they will affirm that direction.

If they can’t agree to what you are asking of them, listen carefully to why they reject your vision and the path you are choosing. Be willing to pray about it and seek the Lord. But if they clearly have a worldly focus, then comes the tough part. In our out-of-control legal society, grandparents have been given certain rights that vary by state, and one needs to be careful not to stir up a hornet’s nest. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). Scripture affirms that we are to do everything we can to avoid conflict. However, we always stop short of compromise. Be careful, though, because I’ve known some parents who seem to be looking for reasons to “cut off” grandparents who are not like-minded. Rather than that, I would encourage you to be seeking ways to make the relationship workable. We all would appreciate supportive grandparents who encourage us in the decisions we are making. However, that is often not the case, and then one must seek the praise of God more than the praise of men even if it means difficult decisions with family members.

Parents must check their hearts very carefully. Look for ways to love and honor grandparents without compromising in what God has called you to do. When grandparents are not supportive, one can still honor them by fellowshipping together as a family. That way the parents are always there. They know what is being said and whether the activities being done together are consistent with the calling for the family.

It really becomes hard if there are still comments in the family fellowship setting by the grandparents that undermine the direction of the family. If so, make a simple private request that the grandparents restrict comments only to those that are supportive of the family’s direction. If the grandparents are resistant, then the parent can plead with the grandparents for support. “Dad and Mom, you were allowed to raise us as you felt right. Will you not give us the same freedom? We love you and would be so grateful if you could do this.” Always gentle, loving dialog conveying respect is how we are to interact, but without compromise.

Situations like these can be so very difficult. However, by following Jesus’ direction for the family, He will lead us in how to work with those who disagree. The very last resort is that it may be necessary to restrict the time that the children can be with someone who will not support the family’s direction. If it comes to that point, then may the dad be willing to pray, fast, seek a softening of hearts, and wisdom for Dad and Mom. The Lord will be faithful in showing a way. May we be faithful in following Him.

Protecting Against Deception – Part 9

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To begin, if you haven’t read the full series on Protecting Against Deception, we would encourage you to do that.

In this Dad’s Corner we finish our look at one of the greatest deceptions that professing believers have embraced wholeheartedly. This deception is that “fun” is something reasonable for a believer to pursue and invest his time into.

Someone recently asked me, “I wonder if your family avoids all entertainment?” Maybe answering that question is a good way to begin this Corner.

I love amusement parks, especially those with the fastest, highest, most thrilling rides. I have always loved them, and it is still in my blood. So of course when our children were old enough to take along with me, I delighted in giving them the same appetite for thrilling rides. Teri would get motion-sick, so she didn’t enjoy these types of activities, but she could do other things by herself, right? In addition to amusement parks, I love small two-man airplanes, sailboats, and motorcycles. If it moved, I found it fun and a worthwhile use of my time and finances. A big problem with that type of adventure, though, was coming up with the cash to keep the fun flowing.

Years ago, when we lived in Florida and then in Washington State, we had great fun going to professional baseball games. This was something that we could do together as a family. However, it was expensive, so we couldn’t do it very often. As I look back now, I’m troubled that I took my young, impressionable family into an atmosphere of drinking and immodesty. Sadly, I don’t remember being troubled by it then.

When we lived in Florida, our two oldest boys joined Little League baseball as soon as they were old enough. We loved going to their games and watching them play. We considered it a great family activity. As they grew older, they continued to play baseball and were very good at it. For almost six months of every year, our lives revolved around baseball practices and games (including all-stars). We were the typical American Christian family.

Also during those years we watched TV, but we found that we were becoming increasingly troubled by what was being broadcast. Over time we became more and more selective in what we watched. Through no coincidence, Teri and I were reading the Bible individually every morning. Looking back, we can see the correlation between our time spent in the Word and our growing disdain for the worldliness of television. We finally dropped all normal TV broadcasting and went to very selective Christian video watching for a time.

However, the more our family read the Bible, the more we came to see all entertainment as chaff. Understand that this really wasn’t our idea or plan. Our flesh loved entertainment. We often found ourselves trying to justify spending time being entertained, but the Holy Spirit kept using God’s Word in our lives to reveal how empty entertainment was compared to those things “above.” The Apostle Paul had no time for things which did not edify. “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23). We were finding ourselves of Paul’s persuasion concerning entertainment and fun. We began leaving behind the amusement parks, baseball games, and television.

The next reasonable question you might ask me would be, “Does the Maxwell family ever have enjoyable times?”

YES, YES, YES!!! The root question really is, “What does the Maxwell family take pleasure in doing?” I will begin by sharing what brings our family joy. I will first list each in an overview fashion and then go into more detail. We love our time in the Word, individually and as a family every day. We love being together and talking. We love ministering as a family and working together.

As stated many times over the years in these Dad’s Corner articles, our family takes great enjoyment in reading the Bible every day. We each read individually in the morning when we first get up. Teri, Christopher, and Sarah have separate rooms they read in while the other children and I gather in the living room. We all have our “spots” and sort of “snuggle in” for our personal Bible reading time. When I put my Bible down, the other children who are with me do the same, and then we pray individually. Even though we aren’t reading out loud, just being together thrills my heart.

Our evening time reading the Bible is equally special and treasured. I have shared much detail about family Bible time in my audio called Feed My Sheep, so I won’t go into the same detail now. Every night we take turns reading two Bible verses as we go around the room and then discuss what we read of a chapter or two of Scripture. We also share a particular verse that stands out to each of us that we want to apply to our lives. We then have a time of asking forgiveness if we have wronged others in the family but had not set it straight earlier in the day, and finally we close with a hymn. Teri prays with the girls at bedtime, and I pray with the boys. Our days would be so empty (non-edifying) without that time in the Word.

Our family takes great pleasure in fellowshipping as a family. At mealtimes and in the evening, we simply enjoy being together and talking. Jesse, my youngest son, calls these times “chatteries.” We don’t have to have something entertain us to get us to want to be together. We actually like being together. We love sharing what our day has been like and what we learned in speaking with others. Often this is when we will tell the family about opportunities we had to share Christ during the day.

One of our family’s favorite topics is discussing what our nursing-home church members have told us when we were together. Once that gets started, it may be awhile before a new topic begins. Even though there is not a non-family member within forty years of their ages, the children love ministering at our nursing-home church. They delight in talking with the residents before and after our service.

We love to minister to others because it gives us great joy. Even though our road trips involve a lot of work and can be exhausting, everyone loves them. For hours of driving time after a conference, the children take turns telling what they learned from those with whom they spoke.

We especially love to tell others about Jesus and what He has done for us. An excellent place affording that opportunity is the homeless shelter where we go one Saturday afternoon a month. Nathan, my oldest married son, is the one who introduced us to the shelter. Frankly, I would be happy not to go because I’m out of my comfort zone there, but it is always a blessing once we go. We also delight in sharing Jesus with telemarketers, store checkout personnel, and the people we meet while traveling.

I believe having no entertainment in our home is one clear reason why our children take great joy in helping others. If Nathan, who lives across the street, is doing a project for Grandad, who lives next door, and needs some help, our children will delight in taking their personal time to assist. They are quick to want to help other neighbors as well, as time permits. However, if one raises children on a diet of fun and entertainment, that is what they will seek, and they will most likely shun being a servant because it isn’t fun or is boring to them.

When I go to visit my mom, who lives three hours away, I take one of the children with me, and we have a great time together. It is a blessing as I have time with one of my children, and we minister to my mom. It is a joy for me to be with my children and for them to be with me. We don’t have to do “fun” things to enjoy being together.

There are occasional bike rides together with my boys. The purpose of the ride is not to have fun, but rather to spend time with them while getting some exercise. We often take family walks together, and regularly this includes Grandad and Grandma along with my children and granddaughter. We enjoy these walks greatly because we are able to fellowship and exercise.

Working together as a family is also a great blessing. As book titles were being added to our family ministry, we came to a crisis point with no place to store more books. As we discussed options one day, we learned that Christopher was happy to buy our current house so that we could build a house with a bigger basement that could be walk-in accessible. This meant that we no longer would need to carry the many boxes of books down into and then back up out of the basement.

The family wanted to work together to build the new house because that is the only way we could afford it. In between speaking trips and school schedules we spent many enjoyable, but hard, often sweaty hours working side-by-side. We have posted numerous pictures on our blog along the way. I believe it is by God’s grace and by not developing an appetite in our children’s lives for entertainment that we have the privilege of having children who enjoy working. What a blessing!

Fun is the world’s alternative to joy. Joy costs us nothing while the pursuit of fun through entertainment is both costly and addictive. Instead, may we be addicted to ministering. “I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,)” (1 Corinthians 16:15). The joy of the Lord comes through obedience to Him and yields eternal fruit, while fun lasts only as long as the money holds out.

Do those professing faith in Christ deserve entertainment? The world has deceived believers into thinking that fun is an acceptable use of time, something to be sought after and deserved for hard work. Sadly, every minute that is wasted on fun is time stolen from something profitable and the duty to which we are called. Listen to Jesus’ example of an unprofitable servant: “So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10). Today I hear such gross exaggeration of what we are free to do. The reality is that we are servants of Jesus Christ, and we are to be busy about His business.

Jesus said, “. . . I have overcome the world” (John 16:33), and He has overcome the world with His life’s blood. If this is true, then why do so many professing believers spend so much time pursuing the world and its entertainment? James tell us, “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4).

The more someone invests his time in fun, entertaining things, the more his heart is drawn to the things of this world. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning; And ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding; that when he cometh and knocketh, they may open unto him immediately” (Luke 12:34-36).

Let our joy, our delight be in the things the Lord has called us to do. Then our hearts will be drawn to things above. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2). My heart is saddened when I hear people attempt to justify their fun entertainment. Paul is so clearly saying we are to set our affection on those things above, not on things of the earth.

The deception is that we deserve to have a fun time and that it is an acceptable use of our time. The truth is that we deserve hell, and by God’s grace He gives us eternity with Him. “No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:4). Will we be found ready when the Master returns?