Category Archives: Series

Do Your Children Have Beautiful Feet? – Part 3

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Last month when the Maxwell men were ministering at the homeless shelter, I spoke with a man in his late twenties. He shared how he was struggling with both chemical and alcohol addictions. That is very sad, but what he said next was even sadder. He told me that it was one of his parents who first gave him a beer and harmful illegal drugs. Last week I heard a similar story from another man. I can recall a childhood friend whose parents gave him beer so he could safely drink at home. He may have been safe, but these parents all have something in common. They have given their children appetites for what leads to destruction.

The example we set for our children and how we train them should be taken very seriously because we will all stand before God some day to give an accounting. “So then every one of us shall give account of himself to God” (Romans 14:12). Praise God that most Christian families I know are attempting to lead their families away from sin instead of giving them an appetite for it. However, not sinning in not enough. We need to be living and serving as the Lord Jesus has commanded us.

In the parable of the talents, the man who hid his talent in the ground was not commended for having lost nothing but instead was sternly rebuked because he gained nothing. “His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed” (Matthew 25:26).

In the last two articles in this series, we have discussed the Lord’s command for us to actively share our faith with others. “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15). By reading Acts, we see that the Apostles were sharing their faith, and we must do so, too. This month we will discuss some practical things that might be done in learning how to share Jesus.

Salvation is a work of God, and it is not a work of the flesh. “That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit” (John 3:6). It isn’t about tricks and gimmicks, but the power of the Holy Spirit in converting souls. Religion may bring about some degree of outward conformity, but Jesus Christ changes people from the inside out. Therefore, we must be saved and in fellowship with the Lord if we desire to be used of Him in reaching the lost.

We need to bathe the Lord’s command to “go and preach” in prayer and ask the Lord to begin a work in our lives so that we can obey. Since converting souls is a spiritual matter, then prayer is foundational. Do we believe God is the One Who saves? Then we must be in prayer seeking His power in our lives to develop a deep love for the lost, a concern for their lives, direction in how to prepare and share, discernment in whom the Lord wants us to witness to and that their hearts would be receptive. May He give us boldness and a broken heart for the lost, and may He lead us each step of the way.

Some men have told me that their walk with the Lord is only one of “going through the motions.” If that is the case, I would encourage you to forget about sharing Jesus with others, and focus on your need for a real relationship with the Lord right away. Whether you are unsaved or carnal, I would plead with you not to rest until you have resolved it. Only then will the Holy Spirit be able to lead you as you witness.

Consider beginning to be evangelistic by giving out gospel tracts. On Friday, I stopped by a business to pick up something we ordered. Right next to the loading dock was a picnic table ringed with employees on break. I paused by the group on my way into the building and gave each a “million dollar bill” gospel tract and a few “Are You Good Enough to Go to Heaven?” tracts. They all gladly received them. Later as they filed past me while I was waiting inside, several of them thanked me again. They genuinely appreciated what I had given them.

I don’t leave tracts lying around public places because that can be seen as littering. However, when we are on the lookout, we will see people who are glad to read a tract that is given to them. I often watch for people who appear to be waiting. I remember once spotting a car of “tough guys” waiting outside the grocery store. I walked up and said, “You guys look like you have time to read something.” On occasion, I might add, “I think you will find this most interesting,” or “It’s just a gospel tract.” I can’t recall a person being rude or hateful, and hardly ever is the tract refused.

One thing that is important when choosing tracts is that they are interesting. That is why the “million dollar bill” works very well as a conversation starter or something easy to get in their hands. We tell them it isn’t real, but they might enjoy having one, and most want one because it catches their interest. I know some families include tracts when paying bills. I think that is a good practice as long as the business isn’t paying for the postage. It wouldn’t be right to send a tract if the tract ended up costing the company additional postage to receive it. May we be an offense to no one. “Giving no offence in any thing, that the ministry be not blamed” (2 Corinthians 6:3).

Finding good tracts can take quite a bit of time, so be on the lookout, or possibly ask others which ones they like. Tracts to use must be interesting and have a solid biblical foundation. The more motivated a person is, the more he will read. We like to have an assortment of tracts available so the Holy Spirit can lead us in which tract should be given. We have put up a Web page that lists tracts we have used that might help you get started. Seek the Lord’s direction every step of the way. If you sense a person is interested, then give him something that has more of a message. If not, then give a tract that may catch his interest so he wants to read more.

People expect churches to be the ones giving out tracts and sharing Christ, and they suspect their motives. They often feel a church only wants members and money, so they are suspicious. If you are sharing Christ as an individual or “just as a family,” a person is more likely to be open to what you have to say.

Consider having some contact information on the tract should the recipient want to know more. We had a rubber stamp made that has our www.familiesforJesus.com website on it. This way they can e-mail us if they want to dialog further about spiritual issues, but our address and phone number is kept private. Renting a low-volume website is so inexpensive these days that each family could likely do that as well. At that website, more details about salvation could be posted. However, I would encourage you not to put your family’s telephone number, e-mail, or street address on the site. Use a contact form such as you will find on Titus2.com; otherwise, you will receive a lot of spam.

A side note is that you might find a family website is a great learning opportunity. There are a host of beginner books that will teach you all you need to know about developing a website. It can give great purpose for your children to have a project such as this, and they will learn skills in the process. However, be on guard that any Internet use is monitored and 100 percent accountable.

We have also liked carrying our Soul Winner’s New Testaments when we are out, which have notes by the late Clift Brannon. There are notes at appropriate verses that are chained together so someone can look them up on their own, read the verse, and then read Mr. Brannon’s comments. Most of my family tries to have a Soul Winner’s New Testament with them all the time because we have had many opportunities to give a New Testament to a person who has desired more information. We started offering the Soul Winner’s New Testaments on Titus2.com at our cost because we had such trouble finding inexpensive New Testaments to give away.

Make it a true discipleship opportunity as your family learns to witness. Buy one book at a time on witnessing, and go through it together as a family. We found R. A. Torrey’s book called Personal Work to be of great insight and encouragement for us. Unfortunately, that book is out of print, but you might find one on the Internet or in used bookstores. Mr. Torrey has a much smaller book that is still in print called How to Witness to Anyone. Previously I mentioned LivingWaters.com. This group targets the more mainstream Christian of today, but it might be helpful in your quest to learn to be a soul winner.

We have a whiteboard in our dining room where we write Scripture verses that we want to memorize. After we ask the Lord to bless our food, we recite the verse(s) on the board. It is a great way to learn Scripture. Currently, we have most of Exodus 20:3-17 up so the family can memorize the Ten Commandments and use them when witnessing. As you have personal and family devotions, look for verses that you want to memorize for sharing Christ, then learn them at meal times.

We try to have a once-a-month family prayer time for the unsaved that we know. It is a wonderful time of crying out to the Lord for those who are headed for hell. I’m thinking of one young man we met at the fair last month who was proud of going to hell. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about conviction and the realization of a man’s need of a Savior. In his youth, this boy sees himself as immortal, but in joining the Marines, he may soon find himself vulnerable. Only prayer will have an impact on him at this point.

As your children observe you sharing Christ with others, it will build in them a similar boldness and desire to share also. Discussions around the dinner table and prior to evening devotions can be highly profitable for everyone as the family hears who shared Christ with another person and what was said. My family is always greatly encouraged to hear stories of what has happened in my witnessing or to share their own.

Every trip out of the home becomes a new adventure as you seek to share Jesus with others. Remember to keep in mind that this isn’t an exercise like one lifts weights. It is serious business, and souls are at stake. Our hearts have to be deeply concerned for people who are going to spend eternity in hell. Then as we witness there is no personal gain in it for us. We are doing it for the other person’s benefit and in obedience to our Lord.

There is so much more to the Great Commission than just obedience. There is blessing and fulfillment as well. The world’s entertainment and resulting fun is just a poor imitation for joy in the Holy Spirit. There is no greater joy than seeing lives transformed by the power of God. I can’t think of anything the world offers that can compete with that.

May we give our families appetites for the power of God in action, and we won’t be disappointed—not now or when we stand before our Lord giving an account of how we have spent our lives and discipled our children. Do your children have beautiful feet? “. . . How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things” (Romans 10:15).

A Mom’s Potential: What Will I Do With My Mind? – Part 1

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On an almost daily basis, I hear from moms who are excited about the direction their home life is taking, but also from those who are greatly discouraged with it. The potential we have as mothers, within the small boundaries of our homes, to impact and influence those we love the most, plus future generations, is staggering. However, we also hold within our hands the choice to fritter away that potential and, later, look back on these years with regret.

In Titus 2, verses 4 and 5, the older women are admonished to teach the younger women to “be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” As I read both types of e-mails I receive, I am coming to wonder if it might not be that those who are experiencing excitement are choosing to yield, learn, and grow in these areas of priority given to us as women. Perhaps those who are discouraged are choosing to give in to their negative thoughts—to feel sorry for themselves, their failures, and the situations that cause them.

It appears that two main areas are critical to the success or defeat we experience in these critical responsibilities the Lord Jesus has given to us as wives and mothers. The first is “what will I do with my mind?” and the second is “what will I do with my time?” Since it starts with our thoughts and moves to our actions, I want to begin by considering what we do with our minds and how that impacts not only our lives but also our children’s lives.

Here is the reality of what often happens in the daily life that we so much desire to be picture perfect.

“Sometimes it is just so hard with the young ones. My oldest is eight years, and my youngest is almost a year. I have become very easily frustrated with them lately. This is something that I really need to pray about. It is time for me to make some changes. I do spend too much of my time on the computer. Some days I just feel as though I just cannot do it so I pop in a video or send the children outside, and I sit on the couch staring at the computer. I have just given up. How sad for me to be that way. I do not want to give up.” A Discouraged Mom (used with permission)

You can probably relate to “A Discouraged Mom,” if not with her exact struggles then with ones that are similar. As these situations occur, pile up, and continue, “A Discouraged Mom” retreats to her negative thoughts of defeat and finds refuge in the computer. The problem is that this simply fuels the vicious cycle of discouragement in which she lives, but as she indicates, she does not want it to be this way.

Romans 6 gives us direction out of the cycle of discouragement. As you read these verses, pay particular attention to the word “yield.” “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Romans 6:13). “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” (Romans 6:16) “I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness” (Romans 6:19).

I have a choice set before me concerning that to which I will yield. As long as I allow the negative, it’s-too-hard, poor-me thoughts, God doesn’t “zap” me with peace, joy, and contentment. I must yield myself to righteousness—to the truth of His Word. When I yield to righteousness, these are the kinds of thoughts I will think, and the result is peace, joy, and contentment: “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). “Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4).

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). This verse tells me that God does not remove the temptation from my life. In this case, the temptation is to dwell on the problems and negative thoughts. Rather than keeping temptation away, He gives a way of escape. I decide whether I will take the way of escape or not. Personally, I believe the way of escape for this temptation is in choosing to think right thoughts—thoughts of the truth of God’s Word.

When I take the way of escape, when I yield to righteousness, then I provide my children with a pleasant mommy, one who is characterized by the fruit of the Spirit: “. . . love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22-23). When I dwell on my negative thoughts, I become more discouraged and more unhappy with my bad attitudes, which affect not only me but also my family. The example I am setting for my children influences how they will respond to the difficulties and trials they experience now as children and later in their adult lives. They can observe me in stressful daily situations either dealing with them by yielding to righteousness or yielding to my “comfort” activities, food, or environment.

What will I do with my mind? Will I yield to righteousness? Will I take the way of escape? Will I be focused on myself and how hard it is to do whatever I am supposed to be doing? Will I dwell on how it doesn’t come naturally to me? Will I think about how I don’t feel like doing it? Will I be focused on the Lord Jesus and obedience to His Word? The choice is mine, and the choice is yours. I expect those moms who write to me and are excited about their home life have determined what they are doing with their minds—yielding to righteousness.

Do Your Children Have Beautiful Feet? – Part 2

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(You can read last month’s here.) This month we are continuing our discussion of the importance of discipling our children by helping them have a heart for evangelism and the tools to be effective in it. Jesus’ last command as He left this earth was: “. . . Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15).

Until the more recent years, I thought I cared about seeing lost souls saved, but the evidence of my life didn’t indicate that this was a reality. I was content to live my personal life wholeheartedly for the Lord Jesus, striking up conversations when I could, and waiting for others to initiate questions about my faith that might lead to the opportunity to share Christ with them.

Lifestyle evangelism is a term I often hear associated with this kind of witnessing. The truth of those years was that I wasn’t being asked by those around me to tell them about Christ, and my family wasn’t developing a passion for witnessing. I am excited now by the changes in my heart and my children’s hearts as the Lord is leading us down a path of forthright evangelism.

Most people consider themselves to be good people; therefore, they believe they are able to get to heaven based on their own merit. Yet the Bible tells us differently. “But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags . . .” (Isaiah 64:6). “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). And: “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6). That is why it is vitally important for people to realize that without Christ they will spend eternity in hell and for us to be actively telling them about Jesus Christ.

Since Jesus commanded us to “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15) and the world needs Christ, why is it that believers of today are not witnessing? I’m sure there are numerous reasons, but I wonder if there are several very common ones for not witnessing. I will list a few in no particular order and what Scripture says in comparison.

First, some don’t know how to witness. This can be a hindrance, but should it be? If Jesus gave a direct command to someone, wouldn’t you expect him to obey it? Would Jesus give a command that couldn’t be obeyed? Of course not. If we don’t know how to witness, then we need to learn how. “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). We don’t want to be disobedient to the Lord’s command to witness just because we don’t know how to do it. We learn how, and then we obey.

Second, some don’t want to offend people. That is fully understandable because we should not want to offend. To get in someone’s face and passionately tell him he is going to hell will likely be offensive. However, if our motive is love and we are deeply concerned for where they are going to spend eternity, they are much less likely to react negatively. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). If a person is unaware that he has a serious illness from which he will die unless treated, he will be grateful if you care enough to tell him of his disease. If our motive is viewed as selfishly trying to get someone to come to our church, the person is far more likely to react negatively than if we are seen as striving to introduce the person to a relationship with the only true God of the universe. Often, after I have shared Christ with someone, I will ask whether I have offended him in any way. Most people will not only say that I haven’t offended them, but many will also add that they are grateful for what was said.

Third, some are embarrassed to tell others openly about Jesus and don’t want them to think they are extreme. “Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels” (Mark 8:38). I think Paul’s position on whether he cared if others thought him foolish is the one to take. “We are fools for Christ’s sake, but ye are wise in Christ; we are weak, but ye are strong; ye are honourable, but we are despised” (1 Corinthians 4:10). It doesn’t matter if others think of us as fools as long as our Lord says, “Well done thou good and faithful servant.” Amen?

Fourth, perhaps some think they are too busy, and witnessing takes too much time. Can you imagine yourself on the way to an important appointment when you notice a baby stroller rolling out into the street? You know that soon a car will hit it, killing the child inside. Do you stop, putting yourself at some risk, to rescue the baby? In addition, you know that you will miss your appointment because after pulling the child from danger, it will take time to contact the authorities and find the parents. Certainly, we would put our agenda aside and do what needed to be done for the sake of the child. “. . . he that winneth souls is wise” (Proverbs 11:30). I have realized that I may regret not speaking to a person about his soul, but I won’t regret doing it.

Fifth, sadly, there are many whose faith is not anything worth sharing. I’m convinced this is true quite often. When a person has something he is excited about, you can’t stop him from telling others. In the following passage we see that the Samaritan woman hurriedly left to tell others in the city about Jesus. “The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ? . . . And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did” (John 4:28-29, 39). If we have a vibrant relationship with Jesus, we will want to tell others about Him.

Sixth, is that so very many—like we were—are satisfied with lifestyle evangelism. “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing” (John 15:5). Abiding in Jesus makes us fitting instruments to be used by the Lord to reach others. Abide means to rest, to remain, and to dwell. This has to do with our relationship with Jesus. It is the basis for all that He enables us to accomplish. If we wrongly interpret abiding to mean we may be content to physically rest, remain, and dwell within the comfort zones of our homes and our churches—lifestyle evangelism—then we miss the aspect of abiding in Christ that allows us to move into the area of trusting Jesus to equip us to “go and preach.”

For many of those reasons why others don’t witness, I, too, have wanted my abiding in Christ to mean only that I read my Bible, pray, and live a “righteous” life. However, I have come to see that the ultimate of abiding is relying on Jesus Christ to give me boldness, gracious words, a loving heart, and the power of His Word in sharing the Gospel—not simply lifestyle evangelism but rather purposeful evangelism. We speak the Word; God brings the harvest. My responsibility is to be obedient; God’s responsibility is to bring the increase. “I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase. So then neither is he that planteth any thing, neither he that watereth; but God that giveth the increase. Now he that planteth and he that watereth are one: and every man shall receive his own reward according to his own labour” (1 Corinthians 3:6-8).

As a further emphasis that we are to actively share our faith, we can look at who was initially in favor of believers sharing their faith by the lifestyle only. “And they called them, and commanded them not to speak at all nor teach in the name of Jesus” (Acts 4:18). Peter and John were told by Annas the high priest, Caiaphas, and the council not to speak about Jesus. The Greek word for speak means to proclaim. They weren’t forbidden from living a “Christian” life. That wasn’t a threat to the high priest and the council. It was speaking and teaching in the name of Jesus that was the problem. Satan wants believers to be silent and disobey Jesus’ command to “go and preach the gospel.”

The question of “lifestyle evangelism” versus Jesus’ command to “go and preach the gospel” can best be addressed by Peter and John’s reply to the council. “But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye. For we cannot but speak the things which we have seen and heard” (Acts 4:19-20).

I hope this helps make it very clear the sort of evangelism Jesus has asked us to practice. As we disciple our children, we should not neglect this important area. We want to encourage our children that telling others about Jesus and their need of Him is one way to show our love for them. What friend would sit back quietly while someone he cared about was headed for disaster? When Jesus said we are to “go and preach the gospel,” He meant exactly that. We want our children to understand the importance of this in a Christian’s life.

What is the fruit of these past few years of our learning to be overt in witnessing out of a desire to be obedient to Jesus’ command to go and preach? My younger children are growing in their desire to give away Gospel tracts when they are out and leave them in public places. My older children want to receive telemarketing calls and make business-related calls such as ordering things and asking product questions. This gives them the opportunity to practice witnessing. They have also begun to share Christ face to face with those they come in contact with.

We try to have a monthly prayer night usually with an emphasis on outreach. We have had the extreme privilege of leading several to the Lord Jesus Christ in just these few years—more than we had in the previous twenty-five years or so since my salvation. We have encouraged others in their relationship with Jesus Christ and in the importance of spending time every day in the Word. Many others, who have not made a decision for Christ, have indicated an interest in reading the book of John and considering salvation.

Maybe the greatest benefit of evangelism in discipling my children, which I alluded to last month, is that I have observed overtly sharing my faith with others strengthens my children’s faith. First they see Dad who is so in love with his Savior that he wants to tell others. They know that Dad’s faith is real and precious. What is important to a child’s father is impressed on the life of that child, and his desire for Jesus will grow. The children are also drawn to want to do what their dad does, and if Dad is sharing Jesus, they will want to as well.

Not only is the witnessing of Jesus a command, but there are so many benefits from it that we can’t be remiss in this important aspect of discipling our children. My heart is thrilled with the changes in my family concerning the reality of sharing Jesus Christ with lost and dying souls. Is it your desire for your children to be strong in their faith and dynamic soul winners? Are you stuck in the lifestyle evangelism rut, lacking the fruit of seeing changed lives for Christ? Do you have beautiful feet? Do your children have beautiful feet? “. . . How beautiful are the feet of them that preach the gospel of peace, and bring glad tidings of good things!” (Romans 10:15). Could I encourage you to start with your own life, and then lead your children to follow you? “And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand” (Matthew 7:26).

In the next part of this series, I will address exact ways our family has been learning to witness and how that has worked out in reality.

Do Your Children Have Beautiful Feet? – Part 1

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To disciple our children we must help them learn to obey their Lord and live according to His code of conduct—His Word. One command is especially important, and that was His last command to us as He left Earth. “And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature” (Mark 16:15). Jesus used two key words: “go” and “preach.” “Go” is very clear, and the Greek word for “preach” means to herald or proclaim.

Jesus often used practical, real-life examples to illustrate spiritual truths. In Matthew 4:19, He spoke to Simon Peter and his brother Andrew: “And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.” A fisherman’s job is a proactive vocation. If he waited for the fish to jump into his boat because it looked more desirable than the water, the fisherman would starve. Fish love the water and die if they are out of it. Obviously, they do everything they can to stay in the water, and that is why it takes effort on the part of the fisherman to catch fish. We must be proactive as fishers of men if we are to be obedient to the Lord Jesus.

It appears that most believers have abandoned actively fishing in favor of hoping the fish will think the boat looks more inviting than the water. No doubt most churches still want to see people come to Christ and join their church, but I wonder how many believers are actively sharing Christ on their own. Even if they participate in going out witnessing as part of a church outreach, do they see evangelism as a command of Jesus for their daily lives? Are they sharing Christ with those whom they come in contact with each day?

In Florida while attending a large church, Teri and I went out faithfully every week and visited those who had visited the church. We had been trained how to share Christ, which we did on visitation when we encountered someone who was lost. However, witnessing was not something that I owned personally, as evidenced by the fact that I didn’t share the Gospel with those I met during my normal day-to-day life. When we moved from Florida and were part of other churches, we didn’t even become involved in their visitation programs. I was quite content with what is often called “lifestyle evangelism”—living my life for Christ so that those around me would observe Jesus in me and be drawn to Christianity by my example. Usually if we parents aren’t doing something, we aren’t going to teach our children to do it. Teri and I can see that we didn’t teach our older children how to share Christ, nor did they develop an appetite to witness during those early years. It has been in the more recent years that situation has been turned around in our family, and I want to give you some of the highlights of this blessed and exciting journey in our spiritual lives.

Over time, I became more convicted of our need to share Christ, and more concerned for the souls of others. At first, I timidly began to pursue conversations with those I met while I was out and about in the hope of discussing Christ. I was uncomfortable in being direct, though, and as a result usually didn’t get very far. Several years back, Sarah discovered a book on witnessing by R.A. Torrey, titled “Personal Work,” and we read it together as a family. We were convicted, challenged, instructed, and excited by the information. We were growing in our burden for souls, and the Lord was providing resources to help us learn to be more direct. One of the greatest helps we learned from Mr. Torrey was the importance of having the person you are sharing with read the passages out loud from the Bible so that he can see for himself what the Bible says.

Soon after that, Christopher, in his desire to learn more effectively how to share Christ, found the LivingWaters website. From them we discovered how important it is to use the Ten Commandments when witnessing. “The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple” (Psalms 19:7). “Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith” (Galatians 3:24). Just one word of caution concerning LivingWaters’ material. They are not very conservative, as evidenced by contemporary music and modesty issues on their DVD training set. With some degree of care, however, you will find some very helpful information about witnessing from LivingWaters.

Since then, most in our family have learned how to share Christ clearly and without being offensive, starting with Christopher and me. I have worked at telling my family at the supper table about any witnessing experiences I have had that day. When I have had occasion to interact with others during the day, my family has come to eagerly ask me whether I shared the gospel with that person. I will specifically relate my discussions with them so that they may learn how to ask questions, what to ask, and where to take the conversation. Simply by what the Lord has been doing in my life, I am observing my children gaining a desire to witness that I personally didn’t have until these past few years, nor could I instill it in them when it was missing in my life.

Christopher, our twenty-eight-year-old son, will often share the gospel with those he speaks to on the phone. When we are traveling, he brings his work with him, which means he has regular work-related cell phone conversations in the van. He may be calling to turn on the cell phone coverage for the laptop at the beginning of a trip, when the children will hear him ask, “Do you have time for a question that doesn’t have to do with our business?” Often the answer is positive, and they hear him continue, “Would you consider yourself a good person?” As soon as he hangs up, everyone wants to know what the other person was saying in response to Christopher’s side of the conversation.

When the children are with me when I am out, they can hear the whole conversation I have with someone concerning Christ and can see that other person’s response. They learn through my example, and they gain not only knowledge in how to witness but a comfort level that will help them as they share Jesus on their own. They also see how one person can lovingly and gently help another person to understand that without Christ he stands condemned before God. “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him” (John 3:36).

“How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!” (Isaiah 52:7). May I encourage you, as the spiritual heads of your homes, to move out of the comfort zone of lifestyle evangelism into the uncomfortable, but highly exciting, zone of “go” and “preach.” In future articles I will describe some reasons people give for not overtly evangelizing, and I will give you more specifics on ways to lead your family to become overt in sharing Christ and encourage you in that path. In addition, I will share an unseen benefit your children will experience that, by itself, even if it wasn’t a command of Christ, would make it all worthwhile. Do your children have beautiful feet?

Can a Scheduled Mom be Spirit-Led? – Part 2

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The question we are in the midst of discussing is whether a mom who uses a schedule can be Spirit led. Here is the specific message that was communicated to me by a mom who wants the order a schedule brings to her day, but she is concerned that she will not be following the Lord if she does so.

“I was speaking with some moms last night about scheduling. I desperately desire to be more scheduled, but they feel their days should be ordered by the Lord and each day should be new unto itself, open to what their children need, etc. Is there a way to be both? Is a schedule so structured that God cannot order your day? I would appreciate Teri and anyone else commenting on the balance here. I’m having trouble keeping to my schedule and I think I may be justifying it as stated above. I am not keeping to our schedule well at all and I’m not sure why. I just know I feel stifled in some way, but I long for the order and peace a schedule can give me. Can I do both?” Used by permission

Last month I shared how my schedule allows me to follow the Spirit in both the overall plan for my day and in the changes that might be put into place as the day progresses. Here is a link to that article.

What I have to say next, I say with all gentleness, as a sister in Christ, to encourage us to have honest evaluations of our words, their meanings, and our hearts. I wonder if those moms who don’t think one can be Spirit led while using a schedule could be confusing “Spirit led” with “feeling led” in their own lives. The reason I have this question is because my frequent observation is that the mom who says she can’t use a schedule because she wants to be Spirit led is often not doing what the Lord has called her to do with her time but rather what she feels like doing. For example, she may not be keeping up with the housework and meals but instead spending time on the computer reading and posting to blogs and message boards. In these cases, then, it would appear that the mom isn’t Spirit led but “feeling led”—doing what she feels like doing rather than fulfilling the responsibilities the Lord Jesus has placed into her life.

Let’s consider a mom whom God has called to homeschool her children. What if she wakes up in the morning and doesn’t feel like doing school? Will she go ahead and have school, or will she decide the Spirit is leading her to spend the day differently? If she decides not to have school, is it the Spirit leading her, or is it her own feelings of personal desire to spend her time in other ways? If she is honest, it is entirely possible that she will find she is being led by her feelings of what she prefers to do. Because of those feelings, she might say the Spirit is leading her not to have school when in reality she just doesn’t want to do school.

Let’s review again the verses that give us that definition of what “Spirit led” means. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:12-14). If what we say is Spirit led is actually allowing us to do what we feel like doing, that which is more enjoyable to our flesh, but not what the Lord has called us to do, is it really being Spirit led?

Here’s another scenario. Perhaps my saved, teenage child, who loves the Lord Jesus, comes to me in the morning and says he doesn’t think the Spirit is leading him to do his schoolwork today. I query him to determine what he plans to do with his day and discover that he is going to spend his normal school time on his hobby. Would I agree that the Spirit was speaking to him and allow him to skip his school? Would I tell him that he needed to do his schoolwork and then pursue his hobby? On the other hand, what if he told me the Lord had put it on his heart to spend a day helping his grandparents and that he would make up his schoolwork in the evenings and on Saturday? Would that look more like Spirit leading? One direction for his day has a selfish focus, while the other has a serving focus. The Spirit will generally lead us contrary to the flesh, and that is often an indication of whether it is the Spirit’s leading or not. Is it “living after the flesh” or “mortifying the deeds of the body”?

This is very difficult to communicate. I am not judging anyone, and please don’t take it as that. I leave it up to each of my readers to evaluate if this would apply to her life. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying that the Spirit wouldn’t ever lead a Christian mom to do something other than the responsibilities He has given her. However, I would have to question a mom who frequently neglects those responsibilities for other activities or free time and says it is Spirit led. My doubts come because if the Lord has directed us to fulfill certain responsibilities, then how could we accomplish them if we are doing other things?

I will also challenge the mom who wrote me about Spirit-led scheduling to evaluate why she would feel stifled by her schedule. Is it because her schedule is put together wrong? If so, then she wants to determine where the problem lies. Did she pray about her schedule as developed it? Did she discuss it with her husband? Is the difficulty with having wrong activities on the schedule? Perhaps she hasn’t allowed enough time for those activities.

Could it be that she doesn’t want to do what the Lord has called her to do? I can certainly relate to that in several areas of my life, but especially with regard to homeschooling. I homeschool because the Lord has directed me to homeschool not because I wake up every morning feeling like and wanting to have school with the children. If I focus on my feelings, then I will feel “stifled” during my school day. However, if I put my thoughts on the blessings to both me and my children of homeschooling and the joy of obedience, then my feelings will be of peace and contentment.

In many ways, it comes back to this verse I refer to frequently: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). What will I do with my thoughts? Will I allow the thoughts to follow their own path, leading me to think that what I have to do on a schedule is stifling? Or will I bring the thoughts into the obedience of Christ, thinking instead, “Lord, this schedule is helping me accomplish what You have called me to do. I can set aside what I prefer and follow what You are leading me to do?”

I also want to be clear that I am not saying every mom who is Spirit led must use a schedule. That determination will be made by the mom, with the Spirit’s direction and her husband’s leadership. However, I am trying to make a case for the way a schedule can facilitate a mother being Spirit led and how it works under the Spirit’s leading. I also want to encourage moms who are not following, on a day-to-day basis, the overall direction the Spirit has previously given to them to consider whether they are truly Spirit led each day or if they are feeling led. I believe one way that determination would be made is by evaluating whether the mom’s time is being put forth into the areas to which the Lord has called her and what fruit she sees in her life and home. Is there peace, joy, and contentment, or is there chaos, stress, and confusion? May we be women whose hearts are focused on our Lord Jesus Christ, and who are following the Spirit in every aspect of our lives.

Can a Scheduled Mom be Spirit-Led? – Part 1

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Sometimes a question is posed to me implying that if a mom is using a schedule, she is not able to be led by the Spirit. This thought is encapsulated in this message that was going to be posted on MOTHBoard. I asked the author if I could use it as a springboard for a Mom’s Corner so I could write an in-depth answer.

“I was speaking with some moms last night about scheduling. I desperately desire to be more scheduled, but they feel their days should be ordered by the Lord and each day should be new unto itself, open to what their children need, etc. Is there a way to be both? Is a schedule so structured that God cannot order your day? I would appreciate Teri commenting on the balance here. I’m having trouble keeping to my schedule, and I think I may be justifying it as stated above. I am not keeping to our schedule well at all, and I’m not sure why. I just know I feel stifled in some way, but I long for the order and peace a schedule can give me. Can I do both?” Used by permission

I believe we should begin by looking at a couple of verses to help us define what “Spirit led” means. “Therefore, brethren, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live after the flesh. For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God” (Romans 8:12-14). Spirit led, then, means that I am not following the dictates of my flesh, but rather the direction of the Holy Spirit in my life.

Those not familiar with scheduling might be surprised to learn that my schedule allows my day to be both “ordered by the Lord” and “new unto itself, open to what the children need.” This is the case because when my schedule is planned and put together, it is prayed about during each stage. The schedule is a tool the Lord Jesus has given me to help me to accomplish what He has called me to do—it is a part of my life being Spirit led. That means I am looking to the Lord for what should make up my schedule and how long should be allotted for each activity, not only for me but also for each of the children I am scheduling. The schedule is also flexible, allowing me to accept the changes that the Lord brings into a day that were not a part of the schedule.

Through the Word, the Spirit has led me toward priorities for my time, and these have been confirmed by my husband. The first personal goal the Lord has directed me toward is my personal relationship with Him. “If ye love me, keep my commandments” (John 14:15). This will only happen as I grow spiritually. Titus 2:4-5 says, “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” From these two verses, I receive the next three goals for my time: to love my husband, to love my children, to be a keeper at home. Finally, 1 Timothy 5:9-10 says, “Let not a widow be taken into the number under threescore years old, having been the wife of one man, Well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.” These verses suggest to me a final life goal of ministry.

The schedule, with prayer for the specifics, plans out time for each of these Spirit-led aspects of my life. Not only am I able to do what the Lord calls me to do, but because of the use of the schedule, I am more efficient and productive with my time. The schedule has eliminated many of the daily decisions I used to make as I went through my day – decisions that were time wasters and emotionally draining. My mind is now free to focus on the needs at hand rather than trying to plan – on the fly – what should be done and how to fit it in.

To be Spirit led, when I wake up in the morning, I don’t feel any necessity to ask the Lord whether I should take care of my family that day or do something else I would prefer to do. My dictates for a normal day have already been given to me to follow by the Lord Jesus. Because He has placed loving my husband, loving my children, and being a keeper at home as my priorities, I know that I will care for my family throughout the day in obedience to the Lord Jesus. I also know that the tasks that will accomplish this are on my schedule.

It is a little like telling a child he is not to cross the street without stopping and looking both ways first. Once that command has been given, the child is not to come to me each time asking if he should stop and look before crossing the street. The answer will be the same. If he continues to ask me whether he needs to stop and look first, it is almost as though he is testing my leadership or perhaps is trying to get out of having to take the time to be safe.

This is how I would view it if I were asking the Lord every morning if I should get up and feed my family or do their laundry. I have already been told by the Lord what I am to do in those areas by having been given overall responsibility for them. I would feel like I were trying to avoid what I should be doing – trying to find a way to do something else – if I were questioning His direction each day.

Let’s go back to the child crossing a street. It is possible that I could chose to undo that street-crossing instruction for a particular incident. Perhaps I am with my child, and I have checked to make sure it was okay to cross the street. Maybe the street is blocked off so that no traffic can go through, making it unnecessary to look for cars before walking across the street. That is how I see the Spirit leading in the midst of a schedule where overall, basic direction has already been given. There will be some changes to the schedule on a moment-by-moment, day-by-day basis.

In a scheduled day, the Lord will bring unexpected events. This is the “new unto itself” part of a schedule. It may be a sick child who isn’t able to accomplish his chores so siblings and Mom pitch in to take them over. It could be the necessity of going to the dentist for checkups or a filling. The schedule lets me receive these diversions with a sweet attitude because I am current with my daily responsibilities rather than already behind and now getting further behind. I easily know what we can eliminate from our day to accommodate the trip away from home.

A very close-to-home example of this from my life involves our daughter-in-law’s recent pregnancy. When Melanie was put on bedrest, she needed several hours of help during the day while, Nathan, was at work. My schedule didn’t prevent us from helping, but rather it enabled us to meet the needs at hand. I could evaluate, on the schedule, who was more available to help and who was less available. Sometimes it was one of the girls, and sometimes it was me. I am not so tied to a schedule that I am not open to what the Lord brings into my day that isn’t already part of the schedule. If that were the case, then I would have to question whether I were Spirit led. I use the schedule on a daily basis, but I am listening to the Lord when He brings changes—changes I am grateful that I can joyfully accept and be a part of ministering to a need.

I believe it was my schedule that gave me the freedom to invest those four or five weeks with one of us across the street with Melanie, while still keeping up with the needs in our home. I was evaluating on a daily basis who would be helping and when. I was the one to be with Melanie the day she was in labor and then, because I went with them to the hospital, stayed with them the days Susannah Joy was alive. I think about that schedule I use and rejoice in how it facilitated our family’s ability to help Nathan and Melanie. All my children, because of the schedule, knew what to do each day and when to do it. They were able to look at what I was not able to accomplish while I was away from home and alter their schedules to accommodate the necessities. Without the schedule, it is likely our home would have been in a chaotic uproar. As it was, the family was able to do what they should do without me being there with them.

For me, being Spirit led takes place while I am using my schedule. It is a matter of my heart focus. Every day I am seeking the Lord for His strength, grace, and mercy for the day. I have to depend on Him. I look to Him for ways to encourage and support my family. He is my sustenance every minute of the day—right in the middle of what is scheduled to do throughout the day. The Spirit is leading me.

I believe a scheduled mom who has prayed about her priorities and schedule is Spirit led when she is depending on the Lord Jesus. Not only is she Spirit led, but she is also able to accomplish what the Spirit is directing her to do each day. She can face any unscheduled trials, difficulties, and pleasures the Lord brings into her day knowing she has been obedient to the Lord’s calling on her life and that the change of schedule is from Him. She is obedient and Spirit led when she is following her schedule and when there are alterations to the daily plan. May we truly seek the Lord every day with all of our energy, whether we use a schedule or whether we don’t. Next month I want to share more about the relationship of a schedule and being Spirit led.

Titus Two Encouragement for a Young Mother – Part 2

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Last month I began answering questions posed to me by a mom with two small children. Her desire is to have many children and the energy to keep up with them all. At the age of fifty-one with eight children, three of whom are now adults age twenty-five and older, I can relate to her thoughts and concerns. I asked her permission to use her letter and answer her questions in these Mom’s Corners. As a reminder, here is the information she gave me with her questions:

“I have just two children. They are both very young, and I am very tired. I would love for our family to keep growing, and I dream of having LOTS of children, but I am worried about how I’m going to find the energy to keep up with everyone. I am having a hard time with my energy levels now. I do take naps nearly everyday. I am naturally a night owl, but would LOVE to be an early riser. I really need to get up earlier than everyone to get everything done in the day. But it seems hopeless to be able to do so. Do young children really take so much energy out of you like people say? I don’t like that excuse for being tired, but the daily chores of changing two diapers, changing two outfits, feeding two extra people, brushing mine and their teeth, and finally finishing about the time a snack or lunch is needed seems like it zaps my energy. Being overwhelmed when you are tired only makes things harder. I need some encouragement from those who have had their children close together, and any advice on how to keep myself healthy while having children and managing them.” A young mom (used with permission)

While I see waiting on the Lord as ultimately the most important aspect of gaining energy for being home with and raising little children, I also highly endorse the use of a daily schedule. Looking back on my days with little children, I realize what a bountiful blessing my schedule was. It gave direction for both my time and my children’s time. I had a concrete plan for the day—to accomplish the tasks I needed to do and to productively spend time with the children. The schedule became the framework for helping me receive more children into my family. The schedule gave me time to teach my children how to do their chores and become responsible. It helped me with my priorities for my time with my children such as reading to them, playing with them, doing preschool activities, and working with them.

I would encourage this mom that even though she is a night owl, she should get to bed at night early enough that she can wake up in the morning before the children. Her time in the Word is imperative to the daily preparation of her heart for her hours of mothering and homemaking. When we change habits, it takes prayer, effort, and determination. Upon choosing to begin going to bed at a reasonable time, one might lie in bed the first few nights unable to get to sleep. However, if we stay the course of going to bed and getting up at the determined times, we will soon find ourselves ready to go to sleep at the earlier bedtime.

I believe a schedule could be the key to finding solutions for the issues with which this young mom is struggling, beginning with her time in the Word. Working with the schedule, we can find the needed bedtime for our children so that we are waking them up when we want them to wake up in the morning—a time that is just after we have our personal Bible and prayer time. The schedule helps Mom, working with her husband, to find the proper time to go to bed each night so that she can arise in the morning to spend time with the Lord Jesus. It can also enable her to accomplish other early morning tasks she might want to do, such as making her husband’s lunch or exercising before he goes to work.

The schedule can ensure that a mom is receiving an adequate amount of sleep. Here is a link to a Mom’s Corner I wrote on the topic of sleep. If she is getting a good night’s sleep, has a nap in the afternoon, and is still tired during the day, she would probably want to seek medical attention to determine whether there is something causing her excessive tiredness such as a thyroid problem or other treatable medical condition. A day with busy children and toddlers does take energy, but shouldn’t, as this mom is indicating, cause her to be “very tired” and “zap my energy.”

Sometimes young mothers neglect a healthy diet and therefore undermine what would be of great benefit to them: to have the energy they need for their active and growing families. The time investment in preparing nutritious food will pay dividends in the family’s overall health and in developing good eating habits in the children. From the time my children were about two years of age, I began including them as meal preparation and cleanup helpers. When they were young, they were little real help, but they were productively occupied, learning new skills, and fellowshipping with Mommy. As they grew older, some of my time pressures were relieved because the children were able to do much of the kitchen work, reducing the amount of meal jobs that I had to accomplish.

Weather permitting, when the children were young, I always took them for a walk. That way I was getting exercise, and they were burning off some of their abundant energy. The walking was good for my health and the children’s as well. The mom who was asking these questions had also indicated to me that she wouldn’t feel safe walking in her neighborhood. In that case, if she has transportation, she could drive to a safer neighborhood.

Titus Two Encouragement for a Young Mother – Part 1

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Recently a mom asked me some pertinent questions about life with young children. As stay-at-home-mommies, we want our days to be filled with joy, love, contentment, and fulfillment. Over and over others tell us that the years when our children are little go by quickly and that we should be treasuring each day. However, we may feel that those giving us counsel have long forgotten the fatigue of being up in the night with babies and sick children, the drudgery of mundane household tasks, and the loneliness without adult companionship. Here is specifically what was asked:

“I have just two children. They are both very young, and I am very tired. I would love for our family to keep growing, and I dream of having LOTS of children, but I am worried about how I’m going to find the energy to keep up with everyone. I am having a hard time with my energy levels now. I do take naps nearly everyday. I am naturally a night owl, but would LOVE to be an early riser. I really need to get up earlier than everyone to get everything done in the day. But it seems hopeless to be able to do so. Do young children really take so much energy out of you like people say? I don’t like that excuse for being tired, but the daily chores of changing two diapers, changing two outfits, feeding two extra people, brushing mine and their teeth, and finally finishing about the time a snack or lunch is needed seems like it zaps my energy. Being overwhelmed when you are tired only makes things harder. I need some encouragement from those who have had their children close together, and any advice on how to keep myself healthy while having children and managing them.” A young mom (used with permission)

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). I believe this verse is a key to the energy a mom needs when she has babies, toddlers, and preschoolers. Her strength comes from the Lord so that she can go through each day with high-energy children but not be weary or faint. This does not negate getting adequate rest, which I will discuss in part 2 of this Mom’s Corner series. However, it highlights the importance our daily relationship with Jesus Christ has on the practical aspects of having enough vigor for two small children and then perhaps even more children in the future.

Our daily lives involve a spiritual battlefield. These battles are waged in our minds, and they involve our thoughts. 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells us: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” I have a choice set before me. I can look at the tasks that fill my day in one of two ways: with a self focus or with gratitude. When I take my thoughts captive, I fill my mind with thankfulness to the Lord Jesus for my children and for the fact that I am able to stay home with them. I rejoice in the opportunity I have to influence my children for Christ every single day. I think about the provision He has made for me and view the responsibilities He has given me in my home with happiness.

I can also choose to allow negative thoughts to enslave my mind. Then I become discouraged thinking about being lonely, not liking to change diapers, wanting more sleep, or my lack of freedom. I am entangled by my mental decision that “it” is too hard, and I am too tired. Essentially I make myself discontent by choosing unhappiness, which causes me to feel like I have no energy because I don’t want to face that for which I am not pleased.

Practically speaking, I would encourage this mom to take her thoughts captive in this way: When it is teeth brushing time, praise Jesus for being home with the children to brush their teeth. Thank Him for the home He has provided and a husband who is supporting his family. Smile at the children as you brush their teeth. Tell them how much they are loved by you, how wonderful they are, how you delight in being their mommy, and how you are looking forward to seeing what the Lord Jesus is going to do with their lives. Sing to them.

Do the same when you are getting them dressed in the morning. Keep your thoughts on Jesus and His goodness to you while you are joyfully interacting with your children. Make your words pleasant and cheerful whether you really feel like it or not. In making this choice, I believe a mom is waiting on the Lord. She is following what she knows He wants her to do, and I think the result will be the energy she desires.

There will come times when a mom is emotionally feeling down and discouraged, perhaps because of hormones or from physically being tired. Then grab hold of the encouragement found in 2 Corinthians 12:9: “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” In the midst of discouragement or weariness, we can still choose what we will do with our thoughts, and I truly believe as we take them off of ourselves and put them on Jesus, we will, as Isaiah says, “mount up with wings as eagles.” In that process, Jesus gets all the glory because His grace was sufficient and His strength was made perfect in our weakness.

When a mom has only one or two small children, it is the time in her life to cultivate a moment-by-moment communication with Jesus. With few or no adult interactions during the day, she can continually be talking with the Lord Jesus Christ. This is a time to: memorize Scripture (Psalms 119:11), rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4), in everything give thanks (1 Thessalonians 5:18), not be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6), be content (Philippians 4:11), do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me (Philippians 4:13). When my mind is filled with the Word, a desire to obey, and thoughts of Jesus, I am energized and joyful. It is during the moments when I start looking at myself that I become discouraged, and with the discouragement comes weariness.

What About Me? – Part 5

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It seemed a fitting conclusion to the Mom’s Corner series “What About Me?” would be to let you read a story from a mom who personally experienced both sides of the question we have been considering. If you haven’t read the other articles, please do so. This story was sent to me in response to one of the earlier “What About Me?” articles in this series. To understand the whole heart and intention of what this mom is sharing, it is important that you read those previous Corners as well.

Story from a Homeschool Mom:
I wanted to tell you a little story along the lines of that to which you have been referring in the Mom’s Corners–the worldly advice we get.

Several years ago, I had an e-mail conversation with one of my sisters-in-law. I was telling her something about what our family was up to–not complaining, just telling her my projects, the children’s stuff, and whatever home improvement project hubby was up to. I didn’t think anything unusual about what I “had on my plate.” Shortly thereafter, my sister-in-law e-mailed back with sympathy for my busy life and immediately dispensed her amateur psychological advice that I should really take time out for myself. As she said, “You need some me-time.”

I will admit that after her “words of wisdom” sank in for a day or so, I caught myself thinking about what she’d said and wondering: was she right? After all, she wasn’t the first one to tell me that I was one hard-working mama. Maybe I did “deserve” to have some time off from my rigorous lifestyle! I fondly remembered the days when I had “lots” of time to work on MY projects, when running an errand was a simple thing (no car seats and dawdling around for little legs to keep up), when mealtime didn’t involve coercion (“because xyz is good for you!”); when buying a candy bar at the checkout did not incite a riot, and I never gave a thought to its non-nutritious value! Oh, and the quiet evenings!

I got pulled into her philosophy. Why, I let myself get into a rather grumpy mental huff for a few days, and started wondering where I could go to do as my sister-in-law suggested and “get away” for some me-time. But wait! Get away? Why does the “world” think we simply MUST “get away” (go somewhere) in order to feel happy or feel rejuvenated? Why can’t we see that we can “get away” from the world in our own homes? Or that “getting away” can be completely UNnecessary when we see our families, their neediness of us (moms and wives), and our homes as a BLESSING!!! I’d never had a major “need” to get away from it all until my sister-in-law suggested I deserved some me-time.

I remember thinking, as you outlined in your very excellent newsletter, that there is NOTHING in Scripture that encourages us to desire to be selfish. On the other hand, there are EXCELLENT passages reminding us that whatever we do, we are to do it ALL to the glory of God. To tie this up, I’ll tell you: when you realize the BLESSING your family is–straight from God–you don’t get the feeling that you need some time to get away from them. A Homeschool Mom

In this “What About Me?” series, my heart has been to encourage moms who are pouring out their lives into their families. These moms have a calling with eternal purpose and benefits–loving and serving their husbands and children. Our families are the greatest blessings the Lord could possibly give to us. We, in turn, are blessed as we give our lives back to them. In the midst of the sometimes busyness and “dailyness” of life, though, moms can face discouragement, especially if they begin looking at themselves and wondering when they get to let go of responsibility and have some fun.

There are two main points I would like to make clear once again as we conclude this series. First, the problem is not “fun” itself, but rather a focus on it. When I begin to think that I “have to have” time for my own pursuits or that I “need” to get away for time alone, then I am likely to experience self-pity when I don’t get that fun or individual time. Jesus said I am to die to self, not fuel it. I am not saying that we will never have time for relaxation or ever be able to pursue something of personal interest to us, because we will. However, when that becomes my purpose in life and my daily goal, I am frustrated and unhappy.

The Lord Jesus knows the needs of my life even better than I know them myself. He graciously brings into my life what will meet those needs so that I don’t have to be focused on them or contriving how to get them met myself. For example, two summers ago, our adult daughter wanted to visit friends in Alaska. Because of the long flight, she asked for a family member to travel with her. After a family conference, I was the one chosen to accompany her. During our stay in Alaska, I often had several hours to myself most days–hours of quiet, Bible reading, prayer, and no responsibility. What a contrast from my normal life! I missed my family, but I relished every moment of this rest the Lord had given to me–a rest that came from Him, not one that I had demanded.

I don’t want to make any mom feel guilty for doing something she enjoys or having occasional times away from her children. That isn’t the heart cry of this series. The Lord can and does provide special pleasures in our lives that are exactly what we like to do and also what we would need. He gives them to us, and we can delight in them. I want, though, for my thoughts to be resting on His ability to take care of me rather than having a mindset that I deserve a particular amount of free time and fun or that I can’t function properly without it. With thoughts of self, I quickly become bitter and angry because what I think I need so often doesn’t happen.

The second point I would like to restate has to do with what I consider to be relaxing and enjoyable–what I do for “me time” when it is available. As I view my family to be a special blessing from the Lord, then more and more my desire is to be with them rather than away from them. I prefer to do something with a child or my husband rather than to do something by myself or with a friend. We use outings as times to be with our children. “Me” time becomes family time, by choice.

It is my prayer that as mothers we will be continually looking to our Lord Jesus Christ for the strength to sustain us through the tasks He has set before us each day. Rather than looking at our daily responsibilities as something to get through so we can move on to what we really want to do, may we delight in our mothering, schooling, and homemaking jobs. May we be content mothers with our thoughts on how we can be obedient to our Lord Jesus through loving and serving our families.

What About Me? – Part 4

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For the past three Mom’s Corners, we have been looking at the focus of a mother’s heart and investigating the question “What about me?” If you haven’t read these Mom’s Corners, please do so. These articles have generated some responses via e-mail that related personal experiences, had other thoughts, or shared Scripture which encouraged my heart. I asked several of these moms if I could pass their words on to you in the hope that they will be a blessing in your life as well. Please be sure to read the three articles that these notes refer to in order to fully understand the context from which they are sharing.

“If God has ordained us for this servanthood, surely He will provide the strength, ability, and rewards in so doing. Sounds like our whole life–not only six days of the week–belongs to service to Him! Thanks for your encouragement.” Mom A

“If I knew you, I would give you a huge hug. The words in your newsletter this month are so much truth that they hit the heart and convict the soul that knows Jesus. I am a truly blessed homeschool mom with an incredibly supportive hubby and two beautiful daughters, ages 9 and 10.

“I’m currently teaching a ladies’ Bible study on Titus and had a very, very similar experience just last night at church. A few women were going away for the weekend and asked me along. One in particular stressed how important it would be for that ‘me’ time. I graciously refused the need for anymore ‘me’ and praised the Lord for what I have been studying in Titus. I also praised Him for seeing the need and leading our women to this particular part of Scripture at this moment in time.

“Tears flowed late last night as I felt two things . . . sorrow for their deception . . . and joy for the blessing of being allowed a part in these women’s lives. This advice, so worldly, has crept into Christian circles in a huge way. I’m not sure I’m making total sense, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU for sticking to the truth and not perpetuating the lie that we need more ‘me’ time.

“Long ago personal experience taught me that if your motives are purely selfish, there is NEVER enough ‘me’ time, and when you come home, your frustration is larger, not smaller. It’s like drinking to forget your worries. Obviously, when you wake up, the problems are still there, AND you’re probably late on a payment!” Mom B

“Being a wife and mother is often hard work, and glorifying God quite often involves doing our very mundane and hard duties.” Mom C

“I came across a gem of a verse this morning in my alone time that will help me through trying times. I thought I’d share it with you. ‘My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever’ (Psalm 73:26).

“King David went through so much in his life–so much trouble and tragedy–but he found solace and strength in time alone with his God. So can we.

“And the Lord Jesus Himself, what about Him? Did He worry about His ‘free time’? He was spent over and over physically and ultimately on the cross. He was renewed by getting away from people to spend time with His Father.” Mom D

“Your articles really spoke to me. This has been a message that has taken me a long time to begin to grasp. I became a believer in Jesus Christ at 33, married at 34, and stayed at home with my children in my late 30’s. Needless to say I have had a lot of worldly ways to leave behind. But God is gracious and has sharpened me and changed me gently and sometimes, not so gently.

“This area of personal ‘needs’ is not a popular topic to address but is so very needed for mothers in our generation. I first became aware of this in learning that I must die to myself so that Christ may live wholly and freely in me. It is a continuing struggle for me as I try to be obedient to my Lord and Savior and die daily, moment by moment, to my flesh.

“Many Christian publications do not address this and continue to mislead us by trying to put a Christian face onto the message of the popular culture. I find that when ‘I want time for me,’ I am often sorely lacking in my time with Him. As you know, when our eyes are on ourselves, they can’t be on our Lord. When I am abiding in Him, my deep needs are truly met in sweet communion with Him. I look forward to the continuing series and your ministry to get His Word out to moms who struggle in this area. It is an important, unfortunately unpopular, viewpoint that we all need to hear and take to heart.” Mom E

“I agree that we should work hard, but many moms are working as if it all depended on them–as if the Lord was not there. These verses address that. ‘Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate’ (Psalm 127:1-5).” Mom F

“Thank you for consistently bringing us to the Lord!! I am like everyone else–ready to pity myself and not as eager to hear this but excited inside when I read it and think those thoughts. We are to run the race without being weary of doing good. However, we can’t do this with out Him and seeking Him daily.” Mom G

“Your article prompted me to again read Proverbs 31. The Proverbs 31 woman is praised for her hard work and self-sacrifice. The only verse dealing with her personally is 22, which reads, ‘She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.’ Even this is a benefit to others–her husband and children especially–for they are not ashamed of their wife’s/mom’s appearance.

“Thank you for pointing out that I can go from house to house while sitting in front of my computer. (Gulp–and the phone too, I guess?)” Mom H

As Christian mothers, we are called to obediently surrender to His direction for our lives. This direction will involve busy days spent serving our families. I pray that each of us may embrace this task with joy rather than focusing on ourselves. It is my hope that by hearing from the hearts of other moms who are learning to let go of their expectations concerning “me” time, you may be encouraged.