Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

The Case Against Anger – Part 3

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(To read the previous parts, please see this link.) After realizing my seventh-grade son was not making good progress through his independent study of Spanish, I began taking some of our daily one-on-one school time to review Spanish with him. One day, as I was repeating a phrase we had already gone over many times in that session, Joseph exclaimed, “Mom, you are just getting upset and angry with me!”

“Why, Joseph,” I replied, thinking I was speaking truth, “I am not angry with you at all.”

“Well, then it must be the spirit of anger,” were his next words. He had listened to Dr. Davis’ audio, Freedom from the Spirit of Anger.

Oh, how I would have liked to react and defend myself. I wanted to convince him I had not been angry. However, as I sat silently replaying the situation in my mind, I realized that he was right. I wasn’t yelling at him, but I was irritated, and he could tell it. Irritation is a nicer word than anger, but it is still anger.

So how do we work toward overcoming our anger? Are there practical ways we can be proactive in seeking victory over any anger we experience, or are we stuck with a lifetime of angry responses?

What should I do when those situations arise that I would respond to angrily? PRAY! Does that sound simplistic? It probably does, but do you know what? It doesn’t come naturally for me to pray when I am starting to feel angry. What does come innately is either to allow the anger to fester or to try to stuff it down as if it wasn’t there. I must discipline myself to cry out to the Lord Jesus the moment those feelings are starting!

How much do I hate my anger? Do I have worldly sorrow or godly sorrow over it? 2 Corinthians 7:10, “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” This was such a hard lesson for me to learn, and I am still growing in it. I would hate my anger, but only because it represented another of my failures, not because it was sin.

When my sorrow over my anger is godly sorrow, then I will spend daily, earnest prayer time for victory. My ability to have the fruit of the spirit evident in my life is totally dependent on the work of the Lord Jesus. Philippians 2:13, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” I am foolish or prideful or both to think that I could follow a list of steps to overcoming anger and have victory on my own.

It is easy for me to decidedly state that anger is wrong. Almost in the same breath, I will say I want to have victory over it. However, my prayer effort in that direction won’t match my words! I must truly mean that anger is wrong, from my heart, and then invest time in crying out to the Lord for His help. This has to be in both my daily personal prayer time and throughout the day.

Since I began writing these articles, I have been so excited about the new progress the Lord has been giving me in overcoming anger. However, it has not come without cost. The cost to me has been a constant focus on the problem. Dr. Davis, in his audio, Freedom from the Spirit of Anger, helped me greatly with this. He reminds his listeners that there are some sins that are just too hideous to allow ourselves to consider, let alone actually do. Would I walk in my favorite department store and steal a beautiful outfit I couldn’t afford? Never! What about ramming my car into the vehicle of a person who has treated me wrongly on the highway? Of course not! We simply don’t do those things. We know they are wrong. Somehow, though, we have come to view anger as acceptable to certain degrees rather than hating it as we might hate stealing or violence.

Colossians 3:8, “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.” Seeing anger as a sin, which I do not have the luxury of indulging in, began to make it worth my efforts to truly conquer it. Gentle anger—remember the Lord had given me victory over yelling and door slamming about ten years ago—ruled my life. When I started observing my anger, I became aware that many of the interactions with my children had just a slight undertone of anger in them. I don’t even think the children recognize it in me most of the time, but that doesn’t make it okay.

I began not only crying out to the Lord during my morning prayer time for help with this problem, but I also started praying constantly throughout the day. At first, it was terribly painful, because the Lord showed me I had a much greater problem with anger than I was aware of. I wrote this series because I thought I had something to share with you as far as overcoming anger was concerned. Instead, the Lord showed me that subtle anger was as much a problem as overt anger.

This continual awareness of my thoughts, attitudes, and reactions with an ongoing prayer of having normal, loving responses to what is going on around me has been wonderful. I am greatly enjoying the realization that even though I have truly had a problem, the Lord may give me lasting, sustained, life-changing victory!

In the situation I started this article with, my immediate step after prayer was to ask Joseph’s forgiveness for not being patient and gentle. Sometimes I, as a mommy, don’t want to ask my children’s forgiveness. I think it will make me look bad in their eyes, that it will undermine my authority, or that it will paint an unnecessarily negative picture of me. I believe asking my child’s forgiveness when I have wronged him by using positive words to describe what I failed to do relieves all of those concerns. At the same time, I am doing what is Scripturally commanded of me.

By asking my child’s forgiveness for my lack of patience, love, or kindness, I may be healing hurts that might never be spoken of by my child. By this I mean that each time I respond to a child in anger, my lack of love for him is showing, allowing hurts to be established and then to grow. These hurts can be concealed within the child’s heart and not be expressed. However, when I choose to humble myself by acknowledging that what I did was wrong, then I have the opportunity to reinforce my love for him.

This Mom’s Corner became too long so I needed to break it into two parts. Perhaps that will, in the end, be a good thing. You will have a month to meditate on your own view of anger in your life. You can begin observing your daily interactions and evaluate which ones involve anger. You should have time to start a diligent, vigilant prayer effort with a heart’s desire of overcoming anger. Lastly, you could try becoming accountable to the Lord and others in your family for your anger by asking forgiveness when you have been angry.

The Case Against Anger – Part 2

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(See Part 1 if you haven’t read it.) “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19). Ouch! This verse hits home with me when we read it in our family Bible time. I always pick it as the one that God is telling me to beware of. Walking on the road toward a heart that is not easily angered is a good road to be on. I am so grateful the Lord has moved me away from being a mom who yells at her children. As you know, though, my earnest prayer is that I would be so filled with the fruit of the Spirit that even angry thoughts or feelings would seldom, if ever, arise within me.

As I evaluate my angry responses to situations, I believe it does me the most good to see what Scripture has to say about anger. It is when my evaluation of anger lines up with what God says that I will stop justifying and excusing it.

Please keep in mind that I write the Mom’s Corner articles based on Titus 2:3-5, “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” At forty-six, I am older than many who read the Corners. My goal through the Corners is to pass on what God has been teaching me in the subjects listed in Titus 2:4-5.

I would like to recommend a powerful resource on anger by a solid Bible teacher. Dr. S. M. Davis’ teaching audio, called Freedom from the Spirit of Anger, has had a profound, positive impact on Steve and me in the area of overcoming anger. It gives a detailed look at anger in the Bible, delves into whether anger is ever justified, and concludes with practical steps to conquering anger. I highly recommend that each mom reading this article listen to Freedom from the Spirit of Anger.

When I allow anger in my life, I am hurting my family members who must either face or watch my angry responses—even if it is simply a tone in my voice. How do you feel when your husband speaks to you in anger? If he isn’t yelling at you, but you discern anger within him, is your heart open to what he is saying? Do you feel loved and accepted?

Personally, I would much rather my husband speak to me in a normal tone of voice, rather than an angry one, if he has something negative to present. As soon as I sense anger in him, I become defensive. My spirit closes down, and I justify myself to him for whatever the anger is pointed toward. To be honest, even if I thought my husband had angry feelings about me that he wasn’t expressing, it would make me sad as I desire his unconditional love. It has to be the same way with my children. My anger toward them is not what they want to face. It puts them on the defensive, closing their hearts and ears to what I am saying. It also must convey to them a lack of love on my part.

Ephesians 4:31: “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” To me this says that ALL anger is to be put away from me. This is my heart’s desire!

“A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife” (Proverbs 15:18). This verse indicates that our anger can actually cause additional problems. Often when I become angry it is because I want to see a change that isn’t happening. Rather than my anger facilitating the change—whether it is harmony among siblings or pancakes that aren’t burned—it stirs up more strife!

“He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly . . .” (Proverbs 14:17). It was 8:30 p.m., time for the children to do their picking up before bedtime. My two youngest children, and biggest mess makers, Jesse (7) and Mary (5), had been reminded several times through the day to put away their playthings before moving to another activity. When I walked into Jesse’s bedroom, where they had played that morning, the floor was literally covered with toys. They had obviously disobeyed my earlier reminders, and there was certainly not sufficient time left before bed to put away that quantity of toys.

I felt the anger within. You probably wouldn’t have recognized it in me, but I did, and I expect that Jesse and Mary did, too. I then acted foolishly just as Proverbs says. I lectured them with that “tone” in my voice. Then I filled their arms with toys and marched them to the places those items belonged.

Understand, the children did need to put away their toys. They needed consequences for their disobedience. What they didn’t need, and what was “dealing foolishly” on my part, was my angry reaction.

As the Holy Spirit convicted me of my anger, I went to each of them after they were tucked into bed. I asked them to forgive Mommy for not being sweet and gentle at pickup time. Children are so quick to forgive! Even though they weren’t together when I asked their forgiveness, they both said almost the same words, “Oh yes, Mommy. I forgive you. Will you please forgive me for not putting my toys away earlier today when you told me to?” There had been no remorse over their disobedience while they were in my angry presence. However, as soon as I humbled myself to each of them, their spirits were also humbled and convicted.

Next month we will continue this series on anger by looking at practical steps we can take to gain victory over anger. In the meantime, listen to Dr. Davis’ audio, and you may have anger under control before the next Corner is out! May we be women who desire not to have angry reactions in our lives—ever!

The Case Against Anger – Part 1

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I had sent Joseph (12), John (11), and Jesse (7) downstairs to pick up in their bedroom. They were given a half hour of time we would normally get to spend reading out loud together for this task because they hadn’t done it during their assigned time. When I went to check on their progress, I heard one son fussing at another that he hadn’t been working at all. The other son made an unkind comment in reply. As I listened to this verbal interaction between my sons, I found the emotion of anger rising up within me.

Tonight we had a busy “breakfast” supper. There was much preparation, and most of it needed to be completed at the last minute. We started with salads, but then moved into bacon, pancakes, eggs, and biscuits. While everyone else was beginning to eat, I was still frying bacon and cooking pancakes. After a little while, Steve kindly offered to take over the kitchen work so I could sit down to have a bite to eat. I poured six more pancakes and said, “Here are the last of the pancakes. Please keep an eye on them.”

After eating a pancake, I returned to the kitchen. “Yikes, who’s watching the pancakes?”

“What pancakes?” Steve questioned. “All you said to do was finish frying the bacon.”

“No. Before I sat down, I told you I was putting in the last of the pancakes,” was my response.

“I didn’t hear that.”

I could tell, again, I was beginning to feel angry. While I have come a long way in dealing with anger—from yelling and door slamming to irritated tones in my voice—I still have much to learn in this area. I also have a tremendous desire to be constantly characterized by a meek and quiet spirit.

I am concerned about truly conquering anger in my life, and I know many other moms are as well. I don’t want to simply control it on the outside, although that is a starting place. I pray that there would be no anger at all in my reactions.

Scripture has strong words to say about anger. “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20). I believe as Christian homeschooling moms, we are seeking for the righteousness of God to be manifested. God clearly says that our anger does not bring about His righteousness.

It is easy to justify anger, and that is a very dangerous temptation. May we never, never allow ourselves to do this. We must not make excuses for our anger but rather see it as sin. As long as my thoughts say that I have a reason to be angry, I am not going to deal with that anger properly or gain victory over it.

In the situation where my boys were bickering, they were sinning. I had a choice set before me. I could allow myself to let the angry thoughts and feelings progress, telling myself that my anger is righteous anger and that they deserve it. After all, when I am angry, I get their attention.

However, to be totally honest, while I am disappointed that my boys are not being kind to each other, my anger is more related to my inconveniences. I am angry that they aren’t getting their work done, that I will have to correct them for their unkindness, that we work on their attitudes toward one another but they still are bickering, etc. My anger is focused on the impact of their behavior on me.

If I were truly concerned about the issue of sin in my boys’ lives, I would not be angry. I would be pleased that the Lord has given me another opportunity to share God’s truth with my sons. I would once again turn their hearts and thoughts to Jesus Christ, the One Who can give them victory over sin. No, that is not the focus of my heart when I am becoming angry. Rather, my heart is selfish.

What happens in my children’s lives when I respond to them angrily? First, they, in turn, learn to react with anger. While anger is certainly a part of our sin nature, how often do we hear our own angry voices and see our hard facial expressions mirrored in our children? Our children have picked up angry responses from watching their mothers!

Scripture says, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Therefore, when I respond angrily to my child, I am fueling his anger as well. We then have an angry, sinful confrontation on our hands. This is most certainly a no-win situation.

Now let’s consider the anger I felt inside when the pancakes were being overcooked. This is a simple matter. What difference does it make if I said something and no one heard me? What difference does it make if the pancakes were burned? (They weren’t.) Yet my pride over wanting to be paid attention to and not have distasteful food allowed angry feelings to fester.

Here again, is there anything beneficial or positive that might come from anger over pancakes? Of course not! However, there is great negative potential if I let that anger progress. What would my children see in my relationship with Steve if I respond angrily—or even at all? Where do they see my priority if a burned pancake is more important than a sweet spirit?

Next month I want to delve further into this area of anger and dealing with it. I have a whole chapter on anger in Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit. My desire in these Corners is not to repeat what I have written there, but to continue, in different ways, to evaluate anger and keep our focus on the need to refuse it any place in our lives.

Sisters, we have a myriad of daily interactions that can cause us to feel angry. May we see anger as God sees it. May we hate the anger in our lives and the consequences it brings about as well. May we consistently be asking the Lord for a heart that not only doesn’t let our anger spill out on our family members, but one that doesn’t even have angry feelings.

To read the rest of the series, please click here and scroll down, as Part 4 is at the top.

A Merry Heart and a Joyful Mom

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We are right smack in the middle of the school year, which could mean we are struggling with negative thoughts about finishing school up. Personally, I have also just had one of the most exciting days of my life. With that combination, I wanted this Mom’s Corner to be uplifting. I would like to look at several Scriptures that could encourage and lighten our hearts.

Proverbs 23:7 tells us, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he . . . .” While this verse, in context, is speaking negatively, I believe we can apply it in the positive as well. What about, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine . . .” (Proverbs 17:22)? Our thoughts, in some measure, determine the emotions that are a part of our heart reactions to things.

On Nathan’s wedding day, I had a choice to make. I could dwell on my personal sadness of having a son, whom I have loved dearly for twenty-five years and who has lived with us all that time, marry and leave home. I could also choose to think about the joy and delight he would experience on his wedding day and as he began his new life with his bride.

When I put my thoughts on Nathan and his happiness, it made my heart merry. That was truly good medicine, because I was able to go through the whole wedding ceremony without shedding a tear. I always cry at weddings! I didn’t think it was possible to make it through any wedding without tears, and certainly not my own son’s!

Proverbs 15:15 says, “. . . he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast.” Sometimes a merry heart is simply a by-product of feeling happy. Then it is easy; we just act the way we feel. When I am getting ready for my read-aloud time with the children, my heart is merry. I naturally love these moments each day, looking forward to them with anticipation.

Other times I must choose to have a merry heart. I have discovered, in the midst of discouragement, depression, and negativism, that I can make a choice to have a merry heart. It is never easy, though. As is true with each day, it becomes even more important that I am having daily time with the Lord reading His Word and that I am communing with Him in prayer. While I must make the choice about where my thoughts will be, He is the One Who accomplishes the work. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13). This grows out of the intimacy of my relationship with Jesus Christ.

There are certain times of the month I wake up feeling entirely different than I do on other days. I don’t want to face the day at all, but I must. At that point I have a choice to make. Will I act according to my feelings, or will I put on a merry heart that I don’t feel? It begins with a heart that cries out to the Lord for help, acknowledging dependence on Him. The Lord’s grace is sufficient: “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

When I feel irritable, unhappy, surly, tense, or on edge, I can acknowledge to the Lord the negative emotions I am having. I can pray for His enabling to overcome them. Then I can also choose to walk out of my bedroom greeting my family with a happy voice, while cheerfully loving and hugging my family members—even though I don’t feel a bit sweet or loving.

I am not being a hypocrite if I act happy when I am not feeling that way. James 1:2 says, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations.” Scripture tells me that I am to count my troubles as joy; this is obedience.

I remember once hearing a godly man say, “Obedience isn’t hard when we are doing something we like and want to do. However, when to be obedient means going against our feelings, then we see true obedience.”

I can’t “count it all joy” if I am crying, angry, irritated, frustrated, or feeling sorry for myself. This joy does not come from a heart that thinks about and focuses on its troubles. This joy comes from a merry heart—one that is able to rest in the Lord knowing He is in charge of everything that happens to me.

Our joy develops from what comes out of our mouths. “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” (Proverbs 15:23). When I have given a sweet, loving response to a question one of my children has asked me, my heart is happy. However, when I am short or irritable with that child, my heart condemns me.

Here again, my joy comes directly from the choices I am making. Will I decide to follow Christ’s way, allowing the fruit of the Spirit to guide my lips? Will I give in to my selfishness, finding instead that, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God” (James 1:20)?

“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD” (Psalms 113:9). I was reminded of this verse while Sarah and I were reading A Woman After God’s Own Heart, by Elizabeth George.

Elizabeth George shared several ways that she incorporated being a “joyful mother of children” into her home when her children were young. One of these was to use the positive words “I love” for every good aspect of their lives. She told her children that she loved praying for them, praying with them, going for walks with them, family dinners, family devotions, the Lord’s Day, and much more.

Don’t our happy, positive words demonstrate a joyful spirit? Even if we aren’t feeling joyful, won’t they move us in the right direction if we speak them anyway? If these kinds of words are a part of our daily habit of conversation, it will be much easier to say them when we are not actually feeling them.

Let me repeat for you one more time these verses that have to do with a merry heart and joy. Please don’t skip over them, but read them carefully.

“He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD” (Psalms 113:9).

“. . . he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast” (Proverbs 15:15).

“A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!” (Proverbs 15:23).

“A merry heart doeth good like a medicine . . .” (Proverbs 17:22).

If you don’t have a merry heart or joy, please start by talking to the Lord about it and asking Him for His help. May each of us make the choice to have a merry heart and be filled with joy! May we all truly be joyful mothers of children!

From Negativism to Thanksgiving

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When I picked up the phone, it was my dad. “I am inviting your children to drive to Post with me to see the chapel that burned on Sunday morning. Your mom says there is all kinds of activity there. I am sure your children would be interested in watching what they are doing.”

Having no doubt that my crew would enthusiastically say “yes,” we made arrangements for the children to walk over to his house since we live next door. Delighted hoops and hollers filled our halls as five children from age twelve down to five heard the plans.

While my children enjoyed an unexpected field trip, I really believe the Lord put together that outing for another reason. I had been struggling emotionally all day. Although I was not falling deeper into the negative spiral, neither did I see victory on the horizon. Suddenly I had a silent house with no responsibilities that had to be fulfilled at that minute.

I headed straight to my rocking chair nook with my Bible and a tissue. I knew I needed time with the Lord. My negative thoughts were so overwhelming that I pulled out a small notebook and began to write down all the areas of my life in which I seemed to be failing. I knew that at least if they were on paper I could realistically evaluate them with the Lord. I quickly filled up a page and a half!

I had decided I would work my way down the list, confessing each area as sin and then reading Scripture that applied to it. As I glanced over the list, however, I saw that my emotions had totally distorted my thinking. While each portion of the list had things I was asking the Lord to grow me in or eliminate from my life, none represented truth. They were all globalized with words like “never,” “nothing,” “won’t,” and “can’t.”

While confessing sin, asking forgiveness, and seeking the Lord for His grace to avoid that sin in the future is part of my normal procedure, that wasn’t where the Lord took me that afternoon. He quickly put in my mind another direction for attacking this problem. Thanksgiving!

Two verses immediately came to mind before I even opened my Bible. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him” (Colossians 3:17). “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

I was most certainly not giving thanks for everything—or really anything at all. Nor did my day represent doing all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God. It had been a day filled with negative responses to the circumstances around me. Rather than giving thanks and praising the Lord in the midst of feelings and situations, I had turned my focus onto myself and my failures.

Through the early part of the day, I didn’t confess each wrong reaction and wrong thought as sin. Those would have been the right steps. Instead, as the day wore on, I allowed my thoughts to follow a path of self pity. I knew I was not being the wife and mother the Lord would have me be that day.

However, I didn’t want to choose to apply even a small amount of self-discipline to change the pattern and direction. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). I know some might become tired of how often I quote this verse in a Mom’s Corner. It is key, though, in our overcoming the difficulties we struggle with—no matter what they may be!

What I needed to do was to bring “into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.” This takes place in my mind. The Lord has given us His Word about what we can then expect. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

It was true that, during the day I am describing, I was allowing unresolved sin to continue in my life that needed to be dealt with biblically. It was not true that I allowed such unresolved sin every day. It was not true that I never responded sweetly to anything. It was not true that I always criticized and never praised. It was not true that I always felt distant from the Lord.

I began to go through each item on my list to find something to be thankful for rather than unhappy about. My negative emotions were almost immediately overcome with that grateful spirit inherent in praise and thanksgiving. Here is a sample of my change of thoughts. “Lord, I feel like I am doing this all in my own strength,” was replaced with, “Lord, I am so grateful for my salvation and Your never ending work in my life. You have brought me so far and please continue the good work that You began. When I feel like I am doing this in my own strength, I have lost sight that every single good thing that I do is from You. When those feelings overtake me, it is because I have chosen not to be close to You, not to seek You in prayer before thinking or acting, and to allow self pity to overtake me.”

“I never respond to anything sweetly,” was replaced by, “Thank You, Lord, for each of these children. They are truly a blessing from You. I am grateful to be given the opportunity to love them and teach them about You.”

When my children returned from their outing, they must have thought they had a new mommy. Beginning with a simple choice to seek the Lord for help, the negative thinking was dispelled. Please believe me when I say that no matter what is happening around me, it simply isn’t worth a bad attitude toward it. My sinful reactions gain nothing while following the Lord’s direction profits everything!

Dear Sisters, I expect you know all too well what it is like to have days when many, if not all, of your thoughts are negative. You may not have a God-directed appointment to quietly take your heart to the Lord as I did, but remember Susannah Wesley, who would throw her apron over her head to pray. In the midst of chaos, strife, and busyness, we can still kneel where we are, bow our heads, and turn our thoughts to thanksgiving. May I encourage you to take your thoughts captive, bringing them from negativism to thanksgiving.

Worthwhile Toys or Should it Be Tools?

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Regularly I receive e-mails requesting that I write a Mom’s Corner on a specific topic. Here is part of one such note:

There were a couple of areas I would really appreciate Teri tackling in future Corners. One area has to do with toys and suggestions for timeless, durable, worthwhile toys.

With Christmas quickly approaching, I thought this might be an appropriate subject for the December Mom’s Corner. Considering we have eight children in one family, we have had plenty of experience with toys!

Let me begin by sharing some of our goals for our children’s playtime that in turn translate into goals for toys. As we began our parenting adventure, Steve and I did not realize that the toys our children played with had an influence on their character development and even their future appetites. If we allowed the children to have a toy with an evil face, they played with it as an evil individual and their play took on an evil bent. If we gave our children an electronic game, they spent hours sitting and playing with it. They lost interest in any type of active or creative play. Your goals, even for how your child spends his playtime, are important.

We choose to shield our children from as much worldliness as possible. 1 John 2:15 tells us: “Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” Therefore, we desire that our children be involved in pure, wholesome types of play. For example, we give the girls baby dolls rather than Barbie dolls. We would like for our daughters to desire to be nurturing mommies rather than possibly giving them a hunger for dating relationships.

We want the children to develop skills while they are playing. That means we will invest in puzzles, games, quality reading books, and even tools. Creativity is on our list of goals for playtime. Therefore, we avoid electronic toys with lots of “bells and whistles”—the kind with a never-ending thirst for batteries. In addition, we choose to avoid toys that are faddish. We didn’t have to decide if some of the Star Wars toys were okay or not. They fit into the category of faddish and therefore weren’t even considered.

We desire for the children to be developing hearts toward families and service even while they are playing. This, then, needs to be taken into consideration when we are picking out toys. Will this toy help my child toward the goal or hinder him?

Trikes

Tricycles. We would much rather our children ride trikes for outside playtime than to ride around in a battery-operated sidewalk vehicle. Outside play is the time for exercise to build strong bodies and release energy!

Educational Games

Playing educational games is an activity I enjoy doing with my children. I feel like my time spent with them is not only quality time, but also time invested in their future. I schedule a half hour each afternoon to spend with just one child. We almost always use this time to play games together. Here are our favorites.

Takeoff. Takeoff is a game that teaches the names of countries, their major cities, and flags. Even my six-year-old can play it with a little bit of help. There is some strategy, but not much. My children will often beat me!

Muggins Math games. We have Knockout and Muggins. It is a two-sided wooden game board using marbles, numbered dice, and numbered game-board holes. Any child who is able to add and subtract can play these games. All of my children regularly request this game, even the one who can’t add or subtract. “You tell me where to put my marbles, Mommy,” she says.

Sum Swamp. Sum Swamp is a board game for children learning to add and subtract. It has cute little plastic swamp characters such as a frog and snail for game pieces. We have played this game so much that the numbers have worn off the dice.

Name That State. Name That State is a board game to teach the names of states and capitals. The younger children simply have to name the state. Older children and Mom have to give the state and its capital. They love it when Mom can’t remember the capital of Vermont or South Dakota!

Puzzles

Each year when I order school curriculum, I also order two to four new puzzles for the preschoolers. I have a wonderful collection of puzzles that my children love to work. Most are floor puzzles. We have puzzles of varying levels of difficulty. Some of the puzzles make for playtime after they are put together. One is a city just the right size for Matchbox cars. Several become props for other play. One is a rainforest. As we put it together, John will say, “Mom, what is this animal?”

“Well, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anything like that. Let’s look inside the box where it shows all the animals with their names on them.”

Our puzzles are kept in a closet, and they are only allowed out by permission. That helps to preserve them and to keep interest in them high each time they come out. I expect to have my puzzles be regularly asked for by my grandchildren in future years when they are at my house!

Legos and Playmobils

Legos are the timeworn standard in the Maxwell house. Sons and daughters, older and younger play with them day after day after day. We purchase the city, police, fire, rescue, and arctic sets. There are many sets that aren’t acceptable to our family’s standards. Usually this is because of an evil theme, or because they encourage play that we wouldn’t allow in real life. We were even able to purchase a large wooden display table from a store going out of business so the children can keep permanent Lego set-ups.

The children have spent hours and hours of playtime during cold winter and hot summer days with their Legos. They build and build; then they enjoy what they have made. The buildings and vehicles are redesigned and rearranged. A new play theme is begun. While many toys the children have had stay stuffed on a shelf, Legos are forever used in our home.

Playmobils are the second long-standing favorite of our children. While the sets are expensive, they are played with for years and years. We often rotate having Playmobils out or Legos. Every few months when the changeover occurs, the children will have an added excitement in their play.

As our boys enter their middle elementary grades, we begin looking for tools we can give them as gifts. Because we are training our children for their lives as adults, we want them to begin to see value in work and find it rewarding, even as a child. Our boys are given age-appropriate work tools such as hammers, screwdrivers, and even cordless drills. Of course, it is important to use discretion as to when a child is mature enough to safely handle the tool he would be given. Also, rules as to the tool’s usage and adult supervision while the child is handling it are musts!

One year when John was seven and Joseph was nine, they were each given a cordless drill for Christmas. They were thrilled. Steve had a project planned for after Christmas that he knew they could help him with, using their new drills. Over the past three years they have used them often in other work projects with their dad. They have even been able to loan them to their big brother for work on his house.

By giving your son tools, he will learn valuable home-maintenance skills, develop a willingness to work, build his personal tool supply, and have as much fun as playing. Collecting tools will provide a young man with the supplies he needs to help him maintain his home, yard, and vehicle when he is married with a home of his own.

Set Your Goals and Make Your Choices

Our children have grown up without television. They have enjoyed parental sheltering even in the toys they are allowed to play with. While some would mock such choices, we are watching pure, wholesome, delightful children grow into the same kinds of adults. Appetites are developed in childhood. Consider well what appetites the toys you are giving to your children fuel within them. May I encourage you to pray and seek the Lord for the biblical goals He would give you for your children’s playtimes. Then translate those goals into the toys you allow your children to have.

Hard Work, Taking Thoughts Captive – Part 2

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The tasks set before a Christian wife and mother are high callings from the Lord. While they can involve a great deal of hard work, we want to embrace our jobs with joy. In last month’s Mom’s Corner I discussed this part of the workload of being a mother. Now let’s look at some of the practical aspects. Are there ways to manage our workload and perhaps even lighten it?

I simply cannot speak highly enough of the benefits a schedule brings to a mom in her ability to keep up with life. I knew a daily schedule helped me immensely. However, since the publication of our book on scheduling (Managers of Their Homes), I have heard the same thing from many other moms who have begun to schedule their days.

While I am not going to try to recap all that is in Managers of Their Homes, let me share with you a few benefits a schedule has that apply to a mother’s workload. First, your schedule makes you more productive. You know what to do throughout each scheduled segment of the day, so you are not wasting time trying to decide what to do or simply doing nothing because it all looks too overwhelming.

You can schedule time to accomplish your work tasks, but you can also schedule in time for other priorities. This should most importantly include daily time with the Lord. Other scheduled personal-time activities might be exercising, crafting, reading, or napping. With a schedule making you more productive, you might discover you actually have time for projects you would like to accomplish. Plus, it is put into your schedule to assure it happens!

A schedule causes you to realistically evaluate what you can and can’t do. A mom who is away from home a great deal may have trouble keeping up. This could make her believe her workload is too great. If you are trying to do too much within the home, you will have the same struggle. Putting all you would like to accomplish on paper brings a level of realism that isn’t found any other way. If the planning stages of a schedule cause you to see that you have more to do than time to do it, taking the problem back to the Lord and to your husband may help you know what you can release.

It is imperative that a mom gets the amount of sleep she needs if she is to have any hope of keeping up with her work and having the right attitude toward it. It is tempting to continue working until way past a reasonable bedtime, night after night, in an effort to accomplish all we “think” needs to be done. On the other hand, we may find ourselves so exhausted we do nothing productive in the evening, but neither do we go to bed to get needed sleep. When we are tired, everything looks overwhelming!

We will do our families and ourselves much good if we take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). All the “I-have-to-do-this-before-I-can-stop” thoughts that cause us not to go to bed at night need to be taken captive to the truth that our sleep is more important. When we are well rested, no matter how much work we have to do or how busy we are, our spirits will deal with it in a much better manner than when we are tired.

Please, please schedule a nap each afternoon if you are not able to get the amount of sleep at night that you need. Perhaps you have a nursing baby with whom you are up one or more times in the night. Maybe you go to bed later than you would choose because that is your husband’s preference. Whatever the reason, if those nights are shorter than the sleep your body requires, have a nap scheduled for the afternoon.

Schedule exercise time into your day even if you don’t think you can afford the time. You will discover that the minutes spent exercising will multiply themselves many times over in your energy level. When you are feeling better, you will be able to accomplish more and keep up better with the work of being a wife and mother.

Sometimes I ask Steve for help. I am designed by God to be Steve’s helpmeet. There are times, though, when I simply request that Steve help bail me out of what have become overwhelming circumstances to me. This might mean that he says “no” to some tasks I have thought I could keep up with. It could be that he will physically pitch in and help make dinner or clean up. He could even send me to bed for some added sleep!

Be sure to train your children to help. You are not robbing your child of his childhood by doing this. You are preparing him for life. I hear over and over again of moms who say they were not taught as children how to care for household responsibilities. We also are very aware that many men do not know how to help their wives because household chores were never required of them as they were growing up. If you teach your children basic home duties, not only are they lightening your workload, they are also being prepared for life.

Stay home more! It is extremely hard to keep up at home if you are frequently away. Somehow, once we leave home for a meeting, Bible study, activity, trip to the store, or whatever it might be, we don’t have the same energy level and momentum for doing our home tasks as we have on the days we stay home. In addition, by being away from home we lose many, many hours that could have been used to accomplish our work. I cannot overstate the importance of limiting outside-the-home activities if one is struggling with a negative attitude toward a day that goes nonstop. If you do choose to be gone from home frequently, then you must accept the trade-off of being extremely busy when you are at home. Your outside-the-home activities are your discretionary time that could be used for rest and relaxing if you were home rather than away.

Finally, look at your schedule and tasks to accomplish and evaluate what you could do less frequently. Are there jobs you currently do every day that could be done every other day or once a week? Take vacuuming, for example. If you vacuum every day, limit yourself to doing it every other day for a month. See if you and your family can live with that level of carpet cleanliness so that you can invest the time elsewhere. What about tasks that you are doing three times a week that you could cut back to once a week? Vacuuming the carpet every day may cause a mom time pressure that leads her to be frazzled. Perhaps it would be better not to vacuum so frequently, choosing instead to put up with a less than ideally clean carpet!

There is absolutely no doubt about it; being a wife and mother means plenty of hard work, but it pays wonderful, eternal dividends. May I encourage you to consider the use of a daily schedule to help you manage your time, including both work and rest. Teach your children how to work and also be willing to ask your husband for help when needed. Remember the importance of staying home and adequate sleep in keeping up with the work of a wife and mother. May we be committed to serving the Lord Jesus by serving our families, even if the cost is hard work!

Hard Work, Taking Thoughts Captive – Part 1

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Here is part of a recent question that was asked of Teri:

My children are 8, 6, 3, and 17 months. I homeschool. I had a miscarriage 5 months ago. Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning in everything to do. The home stays relatively picked up. It stays cleaned. We don’t have fancy meals, but they’re always on the table and usually on time. The children are well-behaved most of the time. They have issues that continually crop up because they’re human and sometimes these overwhelm me. So what is the problem? I feel like I’m going non-stop. Jennie

Can you relate to Jennie? Have you felt like this? Maybe you are struggling with some of these same emotions.

Through my twenty-seven years of being a wife and twenty-five years of being a mother, I have come to see that what the Lord has called me to do is just plain “hard work”! There are no guaranteed vacation days, no promised full nights of sleep—not even an uninterrupted trip to the bathroom! However, Scripture tells us in Romans 8:18, “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” There is nothing of more eternal value that I could invest my life in—if working hard is even truly suffering—than my husband and the children the Lord has given to me.

Expectations

My first step in how to handle my emotions concerning “hard work” is through my expectations. If I expect to complete my work by dinnertime so I can sit and relax all evening, then I am frustrated and perhaps even angry with circumstances or people whom I see as robbing me of “my” time. On the other hand, if my expectation is that being a mother is a difficult job that goes from the time I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night—plus some nighttime interruptions—then I am only doing what I expect to do!

Purpose

My next step is to recall why I am doing what I am doing. In Romans 12:1 we find these words, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.” Isn’t this what we are doing every day as we serve our families? We are choosing to be living sacrifices that are holy, acceptable to God, and our reasonable service. We could be investing our time in many areas of our own pleasures and interests. Instead we are making the choice to be a living sacrifice and obediently follow what Jesus Christ has called us to do.

Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” In John 12:24 we find: “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”

I have not been called to follow my pursuits. Rather, I have been given a specific calling to “well doing” that says I am to be sober, to love my husband, to love my children, to be discreet, chaste, a keeper at home, good, and obedient to my own husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed (Titus 2:4-5). This is “hard work.” It starts the minute I open my eyes in the morning.

Acceptance

The final suggestion I want to make is to simply accept the “hard work.” Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I am not saying there will never be any time for rest, relaxation, or pursuing something I am interested in doing. What I am encouraging is that it not be my focus and goal. I don’t want a craving for “my” time to cause me not to have the meek and quiet spirit that is of great worth in God’s sight (1 Peter 3:4).

It is interesting that the more I submit my heart to the Lord’s direction to be content (Philippians 4:11) and to be grateful (1 Thessalonians 5:18), the more my “hard work” is what I like doing. It becomes what I choose to do even if I don’t have to do it.

When my mind is set on things above (Colossians 3:1-2), then days filled with work and activity are blessed and a joy. I feel a sense of peace and contentment in the tasks set before me. How easy it is, though, for me to take my eyes off the Lord and His calling to be an obedient, living sacrifice and instead have them on me.

This is most likely to happen when I get tired. Then my thinking becomes particularly skewed. Here are the kind of “poor me” thoughts I will have: “No one picks up anything in this house except me! The children will never do their chores without being reminded or disciplined! I have more to do than is possible!”

These thoughts are not true! At that point, I should battle the thoughts through prayer. So often, though, I am too tired to even do that and tears combined with those false ideas are my companions. However, with a good night’s sleep, I find the Lord’s mercies are new every morning. I am again ready to face the day, where the truth is that the children do accomplish some of their chores without being reminded, family members do put things away, and I can do what the Lord has called me to do.

Encouragement

This Mom’s Corner is not about schedules, timesaving suggestions, or ways to simplify our lives. These are important, and I will be writing about them in next month’s Mom’s Corner. However, I think we would do well to also encourage each other in the “hard work” we have set before us. Our labors are our living sacrifices—the sacrifice of ourselves. Through our “hard work” we die to ourselves, but live to the Lord. The rewards we will see in our husbands, children, those around us, and even our own hearts are the rewards that truly matter!

Sisters, may I encourage you that you have chosen a good thing when you obey the Lord’s calling on your life to invest it in your family by serving them. May I also suggest that this lifestyle is one that requires constant, vigilant, “hard work” with bountiful rewards now and in eternity. Let “hard work” be our expectation, one which we seek the Lord to help us embrace with joy. May we die to the wants we have for our “free time” and invest all that it takes in the areas in which the Lord has called us to serve. May we simply, contentedly, and happily accept the work that comes with serving our families!

She Prayed – Part 2

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Last month the Mom’s Corner focused on praying in situations where there is a difference of opinion between a husband and wife. In this Corner, I want to go further on the issue of a wife’s praying.

We can know the importance of praying for our husbands. We can plan to pray for them on a daily basis. However, do we follow through, or do we find our prayer life steps up only when there is a crisis? I would rather be praying positively for my husband daily when all is going well than to wait until the difficulties arise.

When we begin praying for our husbands, particularly concerning areas where we disagree, we must be very careful that our motives are pure. It is easy to get caught up in the “I am right” syndrome and pray pridefully for our husbands to switch to our way of thinking.

Two times in our marriage Steve has been led to change churches when I didn’t agree with him. While I conceded there were good reasons to leave the current church, I was afraid of the unknown. I was settled in the present church and comfortable. The children had ministries and friends. I didn’t want to “rock the boat.” My prayers were not in support of Steve and the decision he was making.

We made each of those church moves despite my reluctance. In retrospect, they were good decisions on Steve’s part even though they were not the ones I wanted. The work the Lord did in our lives through each of those new churches was wonderful. Now I would not change those decisions for anything. In these cases, my opinions on leaving a church were not right, but I sure thought they were at the time!

Fear was ultimately at the heart of my desire to stay in churches that weren’t right for our family. I was uncertain of what the future would hold with a move. 1 Peter 3:6 says, “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” We are encouraged not to be afraid as we follow Sara’s example.

How many times are our prayers about differences with our husbands based on fear? We are afraid that if we follow our husbands in these decisions, it will mean we may face financial difficulties, we could lose our children’s hearts, or perhaps we will be embarrassed in some way. Our Lord Jesus does not want our prayers for the situation to be resolved as we think it should simply because we are afraid. Rather, He wants us trusting in Him.

Keep in mind the biblical stories where everything looked terrible, but God had a purpose in it and brought about good: Joseph being sold into slavery, Samuel being raised by Eli the wicked priest, Moses taken from his mother to be raised by Pharaoh’s daughter. Our trust must be completely in the Lord and not in what makes sense to us.

Of course there are legitimate issues where it is clear the husband is making poor choices. When we are considering praying for changes in our husbands’ hearts, I would caution that we can easily be consumed with this and develop a critical spirit toward them.

It is important to lay a necessary groundwork for a careful guard against a critical or condescending spirit in a wife toward her husband. If we are praying in one area after another for a change in a husband’s heart and doing this day after day, it could keep our focus on the perceived failings of our husbands. This would fuel our critical spirits.

To avoid this, I would suggest being careful how we pray. For example, in my situation when I didn’t want us to go into debt for a new roof, I think I was asking the Lord to change Steve’s heart so that he didn’t want to go into debt for the roof. On the other hand, I could have prayed for the Lord to provide the funds for a new roof or another alternative that would keep us from debt. Do you see the subtle difference in those two prayers and how the latter would keep my thoughts off of my unhappiness with the direction Steve was headed?

What about the mom who didn’t want to have to go back to work? She can petition the Lord to change her husband’s heart, or she could ask the Lord to provide for the family without her having to work. Again, a very subtle difference, but one worth noting.

Proverbs 31:11-12 says, “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” Is it possible that by allowing a critical, prideful spirit to develop in my heart toward my husband, I am doing him evil rather than good?

My heart’s desire is that, as wives, we truly learn the role the Lord has for us. Since areas of disagreement are bound to arise between a husband and wife, may we make it a priority to be much in prayer about each of them. May we rest in the Lord even if we don’t see the changes we would like to have happen.

She Prayed – Part 1

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I expect, as Christian women reading Ephesians 5:22-33, we would agree that the Bible teaches wives to reverence their husbands and to be submissive to them. However, I wonder how we apply the practical, daily aspects of reverencing and submitting. In particular, how do we handle situations where the Lord puts on our hearts a conviction or direction but not on our husbands’?

We may wonder if we should bring the subject up. Should we share our heart concerns unsolicited, or should we wait to see if he asks our input? Do we speak of it once and then drop it? Do we bring it up every few weeks? Do we share others’ stories in the area or ask him to read a book on the topic?

In this Corner, I am not giving you specific answers to those questions. What I am going to do is point you to one sure biblical way to deal with the problem. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Several years ago part of our roof began to leak. As the head of the household, Steve was very concerned about the leak’s potential damage to the house. He immediately said we needed a new roof. The problem was that we did not have the cash for a new roof and were committed to no more borrowing.

However, Steve decided that we would borrow the necessary money for a new roof. I spoke my heart passionately concerning our agreement not to be in debt and asked if there wasn’t some interim solution while we saved money as quickly as we could for the roof. He was determined to have the new roof and save the house.

I knew after that conversation that I had pushed as hard as I could push. I had met with a level of resistance on Steve’s part that was very unusual. I was so distraught I cried, when I was alone, over the possibility of borrowing for a roof. I also began to pray. It was the only avenue I felt I had left.

I prayed and waited as Steve had two roofers come out to give estimates. I kept praying. Then Steve started talking about some possibilities for redoing just the flashing area on the valley of the roof to see if that would keep the rain out until we could afford a new roof. That’s what he ended up doing! The “stopgap” project worked. We saved money judiciously for most of a year, and we finally had a new roof—debt free!

I once asked for some testimonials in this area of a wife praying when her heart does not agree with her husband’s. I received several stories from women who gave me permission to share them with you. These are examples to encourage you to see prayer as an ally in resolving differences between you and your husband. God can use it to change your husband’s heart, change your heart, or simply give you peace in the midst of unrest.

“I worked part-time as a secretary before our first daughter was born, but before I ever got married, I knew I wanted to stay home with my children. My husband didn’t see this as an option, but almost as soon as I found out I was expecting, I prayed that God would make a way for me to be able to stay home with my child. However, as soon as my daughter turned six weeks old, my husband instructed me to call the company I worked for to let them know I would be back the following week. So I made the call, and to my husband’s disappointment, I was told I was no longer needed.

“I felt relieved at not having to leave my precious infant daughter, but not for long—he told me he wanted me to begin searching for a new job. This was a point of strife between us for a short while, but after receiving some wise counsel from someone I confided in, I told my husband I was willing to submit to his wishes and would begin looking for a new job.

“It was at that point that God answered my prayers, and my husband told me he did not want me working outside the home, even if it meant putting off the purchase of a new home for a while (which it did). It’s interesting that God answered my prayer in this matter when I did what was required of me, which was submitting to my husband instead of arguing with him.” Jill

“My husband had a vasectomy six years ago, after our having three children. Because I was raised to be in submission to my husband, I signed the papers for him to have a vasectomy. He was convinced that this was the right thing for us, and no matter how much I cried and pleaded, he wanted the vasectomy.

“For the next three years, I was so angry with him! And I was unbelievably hurt, even though he assured me that he did not think I was a bad mother. He honestly thought that my emotional health would be hurt by having more children because I was so often frustrated, short-tempered, and exhausted with the three we had.

“In the late summer of 1999, I read testimonies of women whose husbands had had vasectomy reversals and were hoping that God would give them more children. I began to mention this to my husband, who simply listened to me, but didn’t say anything one way or the other.

“Then I started praying for his heart to be changed about having more children, and I asked the Lord to show me that his heart had changed before our anniversary, which is in October, without my having to say a word about it.

“A couple of weeks before our anniversary, out of the blue my husband asked me if I wanted to adopt a baby! I was stunned! I asked him why he was even considering it, because he had always been totally against adoption in the past. He said he didn’t really know why, just that God had opened his heart toward more children!!!

“Over the course of two or three months, he apologized to me for making such a major decision without me and not giving me any choice in the matter, and he talked to our pastor about adoption. Our pastor suggested a reversal.

“At this point, we haven’t taken any steps in either direction, adoption or reversal. I have left that in God’s hands, to guide my husband. An unexpected blessing for me was the total peace that God gave me about the whole thing. I used to agonize over not having any more children, and then was up in the clouds at the possibility of having more. But now I can truly say that I am ready for whatever God has planned for us. If I never have another baby, I am at peace about it.

“So God has blessed my prayer and trust in Him, too! I know that my husband will follow God’s leading. He is a very godly, dedicated man whose life’s desire is to please God.” Susan

“My husband and I have four children. After number four, we used birth control because I was so afraid of getting pregnant again. I wanted more children, but was afraid of labor and finances. My husband was supportive of this decision. He felt like we were done and readily accepted the birth-control decision.

“About seven months went by and my guilt increased daily. I felt like we had taken something that was God’s and made it ours. I began to pray that God would show us what to do. I talked to my husband, and he said that he didn’t think it would be wise for us to have more children. He wanted us to be done.

“The next few weeks we didn’t talk about it much. I continued to pray that God would have His way with our family. One day my husband and I had a conversation. I told him that I really did not feel like it was okay to use birth control. I felt like God should decide how many children we had. He was the giver and taker of life, and I would not get pregnant if it was not His will. He said he agreed with the concept, but didn’t know if we could do it financially, etc.

“The next few weeks passed with more prayer. Then we had a very different conversation. My husband now believes that we shouldn’t try to have another baby, but we shouldn’t prevent it either. He says that it is totally in God’s hands.” Jennie

While these testimonials deal with three of the bigger issues on which a husband and wife may have differing opinions, they illustrate maintaining a quiet, trusting spirit through prayer and then resting. The results may not always be as we have read here, but God is sovereign. We can trust Him no matter what the outcome is or when it comes. I would much rather have the Lord change Steve’s heart than for me to talk, cajole, and push him into it. I would also rather not have Steve’s heart change if it isn’t the Lord’s will. If Steve gives into a decision simply to please me, then we run the risk of being out of God’s will.

These issues concerning how a husband and wife relate to each other arise daily and are ongoing. May we, as Christian women, bless our husbands by being women who pray about our differences rather than being drippy faucets.

(Update: since this Corner was written, I have begun giving a session called, Loving Your Husband. In it, I encourage you to develop and strengthen your relationship with your husband, and I share many personal examples. Also, Dr. S. M. Davis has two excellent resources we highly recommend on reverence and attitudes: How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage  and The Attitude No Lady Should Have.)