Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

A Few Helpful Tools for the Homemaker

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Several years ago I was given a cute gift basket filled with various “goodies.” One of the items in that basket has been such a helpful tool in our home that it is something I want to share with you. I know how busy homeschooling moms are. We want to maximize every moment of our days. I thought it might be helpful to dedicate this Mom’s Corner to describing several items in our home that are invaluable tools and time savers for me.

The pretty little “goody” in that basket wasn’t edible. It was a skinny pad of paper with flowery decorations and lines on it. It looked like you might use it for lists or for writing notes. In addition, it had a magnet on the back. I put that pad on my refrigerator because it had complementary colors to my kitchen.

One day someone said they needed another bag of socks from Wal-Mart. I suggested they write “socks” on the pad on the refrigerator and title that page Wal-Mart. The next time I thought of an item we were running low on that we purchased from Wal-Mart, I added it to that list. When we went to Wal-Mart several days later, I just pulled the page off the pad and was ready to shop. Immediately, I wrote Wal-Mart on the next page of the pad attached to the refrigerator. I asked my family members to write anything they needed from Wal-Mart on the list, and our shopping list habit was begun.

Within a short time, I purchased another magnetic notepad and put it on the fridge. Now I had a Wal-Mart pad and a Sam’s Club pad. Those are the two major places we shop for basic necessities. Anytime we are short of an item or out of it, we put it on that list. Now whenever someone is going to one of those stores and asks if I need something, I can tear the list off the pad and send it with them.

I can’t begin to tell you how simple this plan is and how much time it has saved us in not having to make trips back to the store for forgotten items. In addition, it has freed me from the mental burden of trying to remember what we need the next time we go to the store. I am secure knowing my list is on the fridge and ready to go.

My next time-saving help also is related to a magnet and my refrigerator. In this case, it is a clip with a magnet on the back of it. It also hangs on the fridge and holds the list of evening meals for the week. When I make up the weekly grocery list, it includes a section where the evening meals for the week are listed. I cut or tear that portion of the list off after grocery shopping and hang it in that clip on the fridge.

This list has also saved me much mental time and energy by allowing me to lay out my evening meals and then quickly see what each meal will be. I used to think and wonder and consider through the day what to make for dinner. If I was too busy to think about it, I entered the kitchen in the evening in a state of dismay at having to make a decision on what to prepare. Now it is all set out for me. The decisions are made once a week. All I have to do is to look at my meal list and go to work.

Would you believe one of my favorite household tools is a feather duster? For twenty-seven of my twenty-eight years of being married, I used a dust rag or lambs-wool duster for dusting tasks. I also avoided dusting some things, such as picture frames, door frames, silk flowers, and mini blinds, because they were difficult to do with those dusting methods. Last summer when we purchased blinds for the living room, a feather duster was recommended for cleaning them. I tried my new feather duster for other dusting besides the living room blinds, and I loved it. I even bought one for my mother and daughter-in-law for Christmas.

So what makes a feather duster so great? It gets into nooks and crannies that other dusters don’t easily reach. It gives me several extra inches of height so I can reach areas normally out of reach. My feather duster gives me a good angle for dusting, while the lambs-wool duster had to be held in a certain way. When dusting lightweight articles, it doesn’t move them around or knock them over. I have to admit I almost think dusting is fun now that I am using a feather duster.

While vacuuming is at the top of my list for household tasks I like to do, ironing ranks near the bottom. However, two ironing tools have made the job quicker, easier, and more pleasant. These items may be ones you will choose to save up for if you decide to try them since they are much more costly than magnetized shopping lists and feather dusters.

When the iron I was given as a wedding gift “died” after twenty years of use, Steve bought me a Rowenta professional style iron. I was absolutely amazed at the difference in ironing. The Rowenta is larger and heavier than normal irons. That means it irons more quickly and efficiently. Now I feel blessed, rather than resentful, every time I need to iron.

One day about two years ago one of my children decided to sit on my twenty-five-year-old ironing board. While Steve is great at fixing many broken things in our home, the ironing board was beyond help. I went out and purchased the most expensive ironing board I could find at Wal-Mart. When I set it up at home, I was appalled at how unsteady it was. With young children, I was concerned about their safety when they were around if I was ironing. We took that ironing board back.

Then we purchased a very nice ironing board at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I think this ironing board was around ninety dollars, and we had a coupon for 20 percent off. The ironing board from Wal-Mart was less then twenty dollars. I could hardly conceive of spending so much money on an ironing board. However, we decided, based on the board’s stability and added safety, to purchase it. I think every penny we spent was worth it. It should last the rest of my ironing life!

Not only did we gain the safety benefit we wanted, but we noticed several other benefits. This ironing board has a much larger ironing surface. That means I can iron more quickly and spend the saved time in another way. The board itself is taller so that I can stand more erect while ironing and not hurt my back. It is much heavier and sturdier so that it doesn’t rock when bumped. The ironing board has a place on the side to set the iron in so that it isn’t sitting upright on the board itself when someone isn’t holding it. Therefore, the iron is less susceptible to being knocked off the board. Each time I iron, I think about how grateful for something as simple as a high-quality ironing board.

The Lord has given homemakers the responsibility of being a keeper of the home. For me, having good tools to save me time and to help me in this process is extremely beneficial. I am happy to be as efficient in my homemaking as possible so that I have more time for mothering and schooling.

Contentment – Part 2

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In last month’s Mom’s Corner we delved into the difficult topic of contentment. We saw that Paul had learned to be content in whatever circumstances he found himself. However, we also discovered the root of this contentment was not in the situation, but rather in his relationship with Jesus Christ and his trust in His will. We also realized that Paul’s contentment did not mean he didn’t desire change or pray for it in a particular situation. Instead, he was able to fully rest in his Lord Jesus and wait for His timing to work.

This leads us to other important questions for Christian wives and mothers to consider in relation to contentment. We may agree that we want to be content and would like to learn this contentment. However, we don’t really know where to begin. We are too steeped in our natural inclinations and wrong thoughts. Paul is a wonderful teacher of contentment, so let’s again turn to what he has to say. Was there an area of Paul’s life that was difficult for him? What did he do about it? What was God’s response, and how did that affect Paul?

“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

Paul had what he called a “thorn in the flesh.” He asked the Lord three times to be relieved from his “thorn in the flesh.” However, the Lord’s answer was “no.” God had a purpose in Paul’s difficulty and was going to use it as a demonstration of His grace and strength in Paul’s life. What was Paul’s response and ultimately his secret to contentment? He chose to “take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

For me, personally, this goes totally against my natural, fleshly reactions to hard circumstances. What I feel like doing is to grumble, complain, be irritated and unhappy, feel sorry for myself, and try to figure out a solution. I am still at the stage in my Christian walk where I must choose to “. . . [bring] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) because it isn’t my first, automatic reaction to take pleasure in what I don’t like.

James learned the same lessons as Paul did about contentment and facing the areas of our lives that would rob us of contentment. “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4). The word “count” means “to consider, deem, account, think” (Strong’s Greek and Hebrew Dictionary). This is an act of my will. It is a decision I make as to how I will think about my trials. James didn’t tell me to simply accept my trouble, to endure my difficulties, or to grit my teeth until it was past. No, he said to “count it all joy.” JOY! Doesn’t that sound like an impossible reaction to hardship? It is, when I am relying on myself. I have the choice to make regarding my thoughts. God does the work in my life.

There are two sections of Scripture I would like to look at regarding our view of difficulties. These passages show me that God has purposes far beyond just getting through a struggle. What these verses teach me is that my focus is everything. My natural reactions put myself in the limelight. How does this affect my comfort level? Is this to my liking? Can I see anything positive in it? Scripture tells me that Jesus Christ is to be the center and object of my thoughts and therefore, as always, the focus. When this is true, then I can rest. Resting is the place of faith and trust in my sovereign God. It is acceptance that He knows what is best for my life. I am to count it as joy. When I receive trials with this attitude, then I am content. My joy is not in what is happening but rather in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:1-5).

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh . . . For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:8-11, 16-18).

We know that our attitudes are, in large measure, the attitudes of the home as a whole. Seeing that Scripture teaches us contentment is important and knowing this from personal experience as well, may we seek contentment. May we begin to make the choice to “count it all joy” and to take “pleasures in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Contentment – Part 1

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Recently I had a question posed to me about living a life of contentment. I expect this is something with which we can all easily struggle to one degree or another. Sometimes our lack of contentment is in material things, but often it revolves around spiritual desires—areas we know would be God-honoring if they were changed.

Here is what this mom writes:

It seems I am NEVER content with anything. So I decided to write a gratitude list, and it was huge. Then I tried to write a contentment list and there was NOTHING. So I wrote a discontentment list. They were things that I don’t think the Lord would be content with either.

I am grateful that my children’s behavior is improving, but I am not content with their behavior. I am not content. I don’t have a church. I am not content. I don’t have a godly husband. I am not content watching TV every night with my husband. I am not content. We live in such a remote place. I am not content that I’m not more self-disciplined.

For each of those things, there are areas I’m thankful about, but I am never content. I always want more. Just because they’re godly things I want more of, does that make it all right to live so discontented? The Bible tells us to be content. It also tells us to run the race. I don’t think I’m getting it! A mom

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11-12 what his experience with contentment has been. “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” Paul could relate to our struggles with contentment, and then some! Let’s look at the circumstances Paul faced that were a part of his road to learning contentment.

“. . . in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:23-28).

How could a man walking in obedience to Jesus Christ, who experienced these trials because of that obedience, say he had learned to be content “in whatsoever state I am”? What can we glean from him about contentment? What is Paul’s secret? What is it that helped him to accept the negative circumstances God allowed in his life?

Paul tells us in his own words, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). It was Paul’s relationship with Jesus Christ that made him content. Our contentment does not come in our circumstances or lack of them, but rather in our relationship with Jesus Christ. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2).

In Paul’s life, it appears that his contentment was rooted in his total dependence on Jesus Christ and obedience to His will. Living in prison, being beaten and shipwrecked certainly could not have been pleasant experiences. However, Paul knew he was doing exactly what the Lord had told him to do. Therefore, he was content no matter what happened.

Dr. Adrian Rogers clarifies this further for us in his book The Lord Is My Shepherd. “Perfect contentment, the kind David discovered, only comes when a person puts his or her complete trust in the Shepherd. You will never have true satisfaction until you can say, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd’ and mean it. Then, and only then, can you confidently say, ‘I shall not want.’”

Vine’s Expository Dictionary defines the word “content,” used by Paul in Philippians 4, as “to be sufficient, to be possessed of sufficient strength, to be strong, to be enough for a thing.” Contentment as defined here is the ability to accept and withstand the circumstances, even negative ones.

One thing we may be dealing with is a difference between what biblical contentment truly is and what we, in our culture, think of it as being. We tend to define contentment as being happy with the way things are and having no desire for change. I don’t think that is the kind of contentment Paul means. Paul’s contentment was rooted in trusting his sovereign God in the situations he was experiencing. However, I expect Paul was happy to be out of prison when he was released.

How does all this relate to contentment in our lives as Christian wives and mothers? For a practical example, let’s take one area from the discontent mom, who shared her heart with us. Since we can probably all relate, we will consider our children’s behavior and find an analogous situation that Paul faced. “Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:28). We see regularly through Paul’s writings that the churches had problems and struggles. They needed to learn and grow. This is true of our children as well.

Did Paul’s contentment mean he did nothing concerning the churches, that he had no desire to see them change? No! Paul prayed for the churches, he taught them, he lived in their communities, and he admonished them. Paul did what the Lord directed him to do in relation to his work with the churches. However, his contentment did not mean he didn’t want to see these churches change. Rather, his contentment was an ability to trust the Lord to work.

Our goals for our children would be similar to Paul’s goals for the churches—that they would walk worthy of the Lord (Colossians 1:10). We obediently do what we are called to do by bringing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). We pray for our children just as Paul prayed for the churches. Daily, always, in every prayer, without ceasing: these were some of the words he used to describe his prayers for the churches. Through Christ’s strength, we resolutely disciple and teach our children.

We don’t become weary when the task of raising our children is long and difficult. Our contentment is in our relationship with Jesus Christ and joy in Him rather than in what is or isn’t happening in our children’s lives. Contentment, then, means we rest in the Lord’s working in our children’s lives. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). We keep our eyes on Jesus and trust Him.

In conclusion, I would like to share a story about a group of people who have had to flee their homes because of government military persecution. They have been forced to leave their lands, homes, and jobs. Many have lost lives as well. These people are living impoverished lives in refugee camps, in a country not their own, with only the barest necessities provided. They have been given no hope of a change in the future. However, here is the report of a visitor concerning some of the Christians in this refugee camp.

During this time in the camps, he heard singing constantly. Any time day or night, the Christians were singing or studying the Scriptures. They would study into the night and fall asleep at their table, then wake to study some more. At 11:00 at night people were singing. At 3 a.m. he awoke to hear people still singing. Before dawn and throughout the day, everywhere he went, people sang praise to God.

There is nothing in their circumstances to make these people content, yet the sound of their singing expresses contentment. They have nothing, and yet, because of Jesus Christ, they have everything!

As we desire to be the wives and mothers Jesus Christ would have us be, may we daily be content exactly where He has us. May we serve, love, and minister with hearts learning, as Paul did, “. . . in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

Homeschool Mom Christmas Stress

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With the Christmas season upon us, the “have-to’s” of traditions can become consuming. Then we find ourselves stressed out rather than enjoying the celebration of the birth of our Savior. Personally, we have several goals for our family through our Christmas activities. In an effort to keep the season pleasant and worshipful, we try to keep our traditions simple, fitted to our spiritual goals.

Changes

After Steve and I were saved, the Lord directed us to some changes in what we did at Christmas. We first eliminated Santa Claus from our home. For a while we continued hanging up stockings for the children and telling them that Dad and Mom filled them during the night. The children’s Christmas stockings were too cute to throw away and too much a part of our family tradition. After a few years, though, we felt that we were compromising as the Israelites sometimes did. We decided to stop any vestige of Santa Claus.

We no longer put up a Christmas tree. The first year without this traditional Christmas trimming was because we didn’t want the frustration of trying to keep a toddler safely away from the tree. However, before the next year rolled around, we read Jeremiah 10:3-5 and realized how much the cut tree in the passage sounded like a Christmas tree. Because we wanted to make sure there was no possibility of the tree taking an out-of-proportion role in our Christmas, we chose no longer to have a Christmas tree.

When we made that change, we also decided to make all of our Christmas decorating distinctively Christ focused. That meant quite a purging of the Christmas decorations.

Simple Yet Meaningful Christmas Traditions

Without purposing to do so, we have created some family Christmas traditions that have become very meaningful to us, kept us Christ focused, and built family memories. We have found that it is important to keep these traditions simple and easy to carry on each year. There have been years when we added Christmas traditions that were a burden rather than a joy. It doesn’t take very many of these “good” ideas to make Christmas a dreaded time rather than one to expect with excitement.

We want our children to learn the importance of giving to those who have need. We participate in Samaritan Purse’s Operation Christmas Child shoebox outreach. On an evening in November, we will take the children to Wal-Mart where they all excitedly give suggestions on what to purchase for the boxes. On another night the children open the items that are to go in the boxes and fill each box up.

This year, one item for the girl’s box was a cute little doll. Our six-year-old, Mary, carried that doll throughout Wal-Mart with her. When we came home, she stood by the kitchen counter, where the boxes were temporarily set, holding the doll. We were so pleased, though, that she never once asked to keep the doll. She understood its purpose.

One goal for our family’s Christmas is that our children learn, “. . . It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). The tradition in our home that reinforces this goal revolves around the children planning and buying gifts for family members. This has become very special to each of them. We will frequently hear them discussing how much they love to choose, buy, and give gifts to their parents, brothers, and sisters. Often they will make great financial sacrifices to do this.

We take the month of December to focus our family Bible time on Christ’s birth. We will spend some time in the Old Testament looking at the prophecies of Christ’s birth. Then we go to the New Testament and read the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ birth. We learn about, discuss, and ponder the miracle of Jesus Christ and His birth.

Another desire of our hearts is that our children would learn to serve and minister with no expectations. On an evening near Christmas, we go caroling to the nursing home and also to our neighbors. Last year the highlight was a dear old man confined to his bed in the nursing home and appearing to be almost unconscious. His eyes were closed and his blanket pulled up under his chin. When we started singing “Silent Night,” he couldn’t open his eyes, but almost immediately he began an agitated moving of one of his hands. As we continued singing, he struggled with his arm and the blanket. Finally, he pulled his hand out, eyes still closed, and lifted his arm in praise to the Lord. I don’t think there was a dry adult eye as we left that room.

We want our children to be drawn into worshipful thoughts of Jesus Christ. On Christmas Eve, we look forward to a family ride in the van to look at Christmas lights. While we drive, we listen to the Twelve Voices of Christmas, a dramatic presentation of the key players in the Christmas story. It is moving and awe inspiring, raising all of our hearts in praise for the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us.

Christmas evening is set aside for reading Luke’s account of the birth of Christ. Many years ago, Grandma made up a program for this that we have used ever since. Each person who can read is given, on a slip of paper, a reference for a prophetic or Gospel verse relating to the birth of Christ. Grandad is the narrator, with people reading their particular verses at the designated time. We also have appropriate Christmas carols interspersed. This simple Christmas program is available for anyone whom it might bless.

To increase the excitement and interest level for the children, Grandma has an empty Nativity sitting out on a shelf. All the figures that go into the Nativity have been wrapped in tissue paper and are waiting in a bag by her side. Throughout our Christmas program, one by one, the children will come and take a figure from the bag and set it in the Nativity scene.

Sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ is high on our list of priorities. Christmas affords us an excellent witnessing outreach time for Jesus. Each year, Steve, Nathan, and Christopher choose Christmas cards that are overtly Christian and glorify Jesus Christ to send to their clients. We have the opportunity of giving homemade goodies, which include notes with truths from God’s Word, to our neighbors.

We want what we do on Christmas and the days before it to have purpose and meaning. It is a special day and season—one of joy for the Maxwell house. We pray that as your family evaluates its Christmas traditions and activities, you, too, will make it as free of stress as possible with a continual focus on Jesus Christ.

What About Young Adult Children?

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It is not uncommon for questions to be posed to Steve and me concerning parenting young-adult children. Should they live with their parents? Should the parents have rules in the home and discipline their adult children if they disobey? While this may appear to be a topic relating to only a few, in reality, parents of children of any age will someday be facing these situations. We would love to give parents of young children a vision of what it can be like when their children grow up and still live in their home.

All three of our older children have chosen to live at home until marriage. One is twenty-five and has been married since January of this year. Our other two are twenty-three and twenty, and they both live at home. It is our desire that by sharing our thoughts and experiences with adult children living in our home, you might be challenged and motivated in your own thinking.

We have personally seen the benefit to children remaining at home until marriage. Scripture says that a man leaves his father and mother to be joined to his wife (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31). This is why we believe it is biblical and beneficial for adult children to live in their family’s home, under parental counsel, until marriage or until the Lord calls them to something else such as mission work.

Here are some other advantages we have personally seen as our children live at home:

  • There are fewer temptations with the accountability of living at home in a family. We see this as very positive. For example, many godly men and women who travel to conferences go with their spouse, an adult child, or a friend. Why? Because they know the temptations that even spiritually mature adults face. How much greater would such temptations be for younger, less mature men and women?
  • The children remain under the spiritual protection and counsel of their parents.
  • Their living expenses are less so they can save for future family needs, as our boys have saved to purchase homes debt-free.
  • Family ties and relationships are maintained.

Proverbs speaks over and over about the differences between a wise son and a foolish son. One characteristic of a wise son is that he heeds the counsel and rebuke of his parents. It is likely the problems that generate the questions such as are in the first paragraph of this article wouldn’t even be brought up if the adult children in the family were spiritually mature. Spiritually mature adult children respect the counsel and boundaries of their parents. We can testify to this from experience.

We haven’t had to require our adult children to obey us. When issues come up, they will ask our counsel. We then discuss the situation, pray about it, discuss it some more, and almost always come to a decision in agreement. If a child has asked to do something we believe to be unwise, through our talking and praying time, they have come to an understanding of why we think that to be so, and also an agreement with it. Occasionally they don’t agree, but they have respected our judgments and accepted them simply because they respect their parents—again a sign of spiritual maturity. The children have been receptive to our counsel.

With adult children, our roles as parents have changed from disciplinarians to friends and counselors—roles that were developing and growing throughout their childhood. We are all still learning how our new roles work. For us, as parents, this has meant we have needed to let go of being in authority in our adult children’s lives.

We have found these years to involve daily opportunities for us to interact with each other in mutual respect. We realize our adult children are to be treated as the adults they are. We are desirous that our relationships with them be characterized by love and deference. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

We do not discipline our adult children. The adult child is responsible to the Lord for his decisions. Having our older children’s hearts makes it possible to influence their decisions, but we no longer give consequences for bad choices. Consequences at this point, if there are any, come from the Lord.

The peer activities our adult children choose to participate in would not be an evening of hanging out with friends. Rather, it would be Sarah having a friend over for an afternoon to make cookies and scrapbook. It would be Christopher taking one of his friends out for dinner and fellowship.

Steve and I are far from perfect parents! However, we have had hearts to, as fully as we could, love Jesus and apply His Word in every aspect of our lives, including raising our children. This often led us to make different decisions with the children than other parents were making with their children. Despite those who told us it would never work, we have experienced the joy of watching our three oldest children grow through the teen years and into the young-adult years without rebellion. The Lord has clearly been working in their lives, and He gets all the glory for where they are today.

Steve and I both write extensively on the choices and decisions we have made in child raising. If you have younger children and are interested in the background steps to our young-adult children living at home, then we would suggest you read our book, Keeping Our Children’s Hearts (see Additional Resources, page 385).

If you have a teen or young adult with whom you are having trouble, we suggest Dr. S. M. Davis’ resources, particularly his audio Changing the Heart of a Rebel. We personally do not have the time or the answers to specific questions concerning individual situations but highly recommend Dr. Davis’ materials.

We have had such joy in our adult children living in our home. Certainly, there are times of disagreement, but with the Lord’s help, we work through them. We have seen the benefits of the added accountability and protection of living in the family home for the purity of our adult children. We have personally observed the help parental counsel has been in these children’s lives.

We have loved moving from the role of disciplinarian to the role of counselor. We enjoy conversations and time with our older children. We see them growing in spiritual maturity and often seek input from them on our personal and family decisions. We desire that they feel loved, sheltered, valued, and wanted in our home until the Lord calls them to be married. We would be delighted to see your homes blessed, as ours has been, if your children are living at home as young adults.

What Has Homeschooling Done for Us?

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Last month I shared a letter I wrote to my parents seventeen years ago dropping the bomb on them that we were going to begin homeschooling. The main reason we started homeschooling was to allow our little boys the time to play and be children. We entered this alternative education with the thought of taking it one year at a time. Now, with thirteen years of homeschooling still before us, we can’t fathom any other type of schooling for our children. Benefits we never dreamed of have come from homeschooling. I would like for this Mom’s Corner to be a testimonial to God’s working in a simple family who was set to seek His face.

By beginning to homeschool, we were better able to follow the instruction in Deuteronomy 6:4-7 to speak of the Lord when we rise up, sit down, and walk on the way. Our relationship with Jesus Christ could be a focus of our whole day, not just the early morning and evening.

Homeschooling allowed us to put Jesus Christ in charge of our children’s education. We could pray about what the children would study, what materials they would use, when they would do their schoolwork, how to address problem areas, and more. No longer did we have to accept others’ direction of how and what our children learned.

We became the controllers of our children’s curriculum. We could choose their school materials, avoiding the ones that were objectionable to us. We were able to search for curricula that was Christian in content and avoid worldly thrusts. Bible became a priority for us, not only for our family devotions, but also for school time.

We have had the pleasure of spending countless more hours with our children than we could have if they had been away from home at school. I suppose I could do the math on that number of hours. It would be something like seven hours a day times five days a week times thirty-six weeks a year times seventeen years and counting. The childhood years pass quickly. How often do you hear someone say they wish they had had more time with their children?

As a homeschooling family, we were able to set our own schedule. We didn’t have to put the children in bed at 8:00 p.m. in order for them to be up by 7:00 a.m. to prepare to leave for school. For us, this translated into a later bedtime and morning rising time. Since Steve had a forty-five minute commute, he often wasn’t home from work until 6:00 p.m. We relished the extra family time we gained by not needing to institute an early bedtime.

We reaped financial benefits. We saved the tuition money we had been spending to have two children attend a private school and ride the bus to get there. What would it have cost to send eight children to private school?!! We no longer have lunches to buy nor school clothes to purchase. While we have curricula to purchase and some school supplies, the cost has been a fraction of what we would have spent with the children in school.

Our first goal with the extra money was to buy a computer. Steve said, “Computers are the tools of the future. Our children need to be computer literate.” That simple start opened the floodgates to eventually provide computer-related vocations for all three of our adult children. Homeschooling allowed them to pursue their vocational interests as a part of their education before high school graduation. They were each well equipped to begin their careers upon graduation.

One result of allowing our children to pursue vocational interests was that it enabled one son to purchase his home debt-free prior to marriage. Our second born is able to do so now, as well, if he so chooses.

I was able to teach several of my children to read. I had the joy of listening to them sound out their first word. I was the one who encouraged them when the task seemed too difficult. I was the one smiling from ear to ear as they read their first book to Daddy. When I wasn’t teaching phonics, it was an older sibling who had that responsibility and the enjoyment that goes with it—not to mention the experience.

Homeschooling allowed us truly to be aware of how each child was doing. We could make sure they corrected mistakes in their schoolwork. We were able to discern whether the errors were from carelessness or from a lack of comprehension.

Individualizing studies was possible with our homeschooling. One child moved ahead in reading because it was easy for him, while another took his math more slowly. We were able to include typing for each child, piano lessons, Spanish—whatever we prayerfully deemed important.

Our children became each other’s best friends. They had playtime together off and on throughout the day. The extra playtime encouraged them to become lifelong friends. Sibling friendships remain close throughout life.

We were able to take vacations when other families could not do so. As soon as we began homeschooling, if we could take a vacation, we did it in May or September. That way we avoided crowds and often received off-season, lower rates.

There is one final benefit that causes Steve and I to believe that we could never educate our children in any other way. It stands as a giant above our other homeschooling reasons. Protection! Our children kept their childish innocence throughout their childhood years. Sheltered in the homeschool environment, they didn’t have to face vulgar, profane, ungodly, jeering, mocking, or hateful words and actions from other children. We have been so grateful to the Lord for giving us something in homeschooling that we never dreamed would be so precious.

Peer pressure did not push our children to develop an interest in the opposite gender before God’s time. It kept them from being around others who were dating through high school and perhaps before, and they maintained their moral purity. They choose not to give their hearts away to anyone except the one the Lord shows them is to be their spouse.

There are certainly days I would love to be at home alone, cleaning my house, answering e-mails, or doing some sewing. There are days when I feel like seventeen years has been long enough of doing something that doesn’t come naturally to me. However, I never think of calling the local Christian school to see if I can enroll the children, something I used to do in our early homeschooling days. Reviewing what I see God has done for our family through homeschooling reminds me that it is worth every sacrifice. May each homeschooling mom reading this recall the benefits of her homeschool and be encouraged in the sacrificial giving of herself to her family.

Seventeen Down – Thirteen to Go

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Seventeen years and three graduated homeschooled students ago, we began homeschooling. Now our youngest (unless the Lord has a big blessing in store for us) is entering kindergarten. Thirteen years and five more graduated homeschooled students from now, with a thirty-year homeschool career, I expect to retire from homeschooling.

Recently my mom was doing some cleaning and organizing. She came across the letter I had written to them about our plan to homeschool. This letter was written by a young thirty-year-old mother of three. As I read that letter, tears of gratitude filled my eyes. There was no one less likely to make it a year as a homeschooling mom, let alone what will be a career of it, than me!

I want to share part of that letter with you. As you read Mom’s Corners, you may be tempted to think that homeschooling has been a natural part of my life. I expect as you read this letter, though, you will come to a different conclusion. My prayer is that you may be encouraged that if Teri can do it, I can do it!

Summer 1985

Dear Dad and Mom,

I almost called you today to tell you what I am going to write in this letter but decided to give you some time to digest this information before we talk rather than have you try to conceal your shock and figure out what to say. Now I’m sure I have your curiosity aroused.

I am going to homeschool the boys this year and maybe a few more if this works out. I can hear the silent pause at your end now—you literally can’t believe that last sentence. From anyone but me perhaps, but not Teri—not the Teri who often questions whether she loves her kids, who can’t stand to be around her boys’ fussing, who has such emotional downs and doesn’t think she is mother material.

Well, you know, as I know, God’s economy isn’t always our economy, and Steve and I can’t figure this out but can see God’s possibilities. I have always had a little desire, since I know some did, to homeschool. I always discounted it because I knew I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t even get Nathan to do his homework without a shouting match. The last three weeks, that desire has grown and grown among much reasoning on my part that there was no way.

Finally I brought it up to Steve, and we began to discuss it and pray about it. Last week for three days we practiced school. That is why you got a letter. Seems much more logical to practice writing by doing a letter than by copying sentences. We made our decision this weekend with the proviso of trying again this week.

I found some amazing things as we practiced school. First, I wasn’t fighting to get Nathan to accomplish what the teacher had said he had to in the way she said. We just did what I said and worked on it for a set amount of time. Although we did have a confrontation, it was the type of thing we had virtually every day after school last spring, and this was only one incident in three days with several concentrated hours together each day. Also, I began to see good qualities in them as we worked together rather than only seeing the fighting and fussing.

A major reason we are doing this is to give them more time to pursue their interests. There won’t be time for everything, but now there is time for none. Even if it takes as many teaching hours at home, they will gain the two hours they now spend on the bus to and from school.

Amazingly, without trying to bias, just presenting facts, the boys both (that is unbelievable in itself) want to do it. I didn’t think Nathan would want to give up peer time. Also, because I so often, as a mother, view myself negatively, I couldn’t imagine them wanting to be home with me all day every day. Nathan said he will miss his friends but it will be okay because he won’t have to go to the board to work a problem and be embarrassed if he messes up.

We plan to do this for at least a year. Only if I am a total basketcase will we quit after Christmas. If it is just not a great situation, then we finish the year, and they go back to Christian school next year. That is for a sense of commitment for me so I don’t throw up my hands one day and try to enroll them back in school the next.

August 24th is a homeschool conference near here which will be a great learning chance.

Four-plus pages is a long letter.

Bye and love,

Teri

Our reasons for homeschooling have changed immensely since we started. I would like to reminisce in the next Mom’s Corner about the benefits our family has experienced through homeschooling. However, this month my testimony is totally on a loving, faithful God Who could take the woman you see described in this letter and support her, mold her, change her, comfort her, challenge her, and grow her so that she could do what He had called her to do.

I believe this verse is the embodiment of my homeschooling life. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

There was nothing in my life to commend me to homeschooling except a heart to hear the Lord and be obedient to Him. If you are struggling in any way with your homeschooling, may I encourage you to rest in the Lord and continue on in your obedience to Him. Then look back in seventeen years to see God’s faithfulness!

Protectionism or Isolationism?

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Do you ever wonder whether it is right to shelter your children from worldly influences such as the TV or playing unsupervised with neighborhood children? Do you struggle with feeling like you are becoming an isolationist? Recently we had a mom ask us some questions along these lines.

“I wonder sometimes if I am doing the right thing by sheltering my children as much as I am. I have a burning desire also to tell others about Jesus! I want to minister—even if in just some small way. I don’t feel like I’m doing that by keeping us at home and sheltered from the rest of the world. I feel that I have really begun to isolate my children from everything and wonder if this is the right thing to do . . . I wonder if there isn’t more we could be doing.” Lisa

This mom asks several excellent questions—ones that are important for us to answer. What a condemnation on us as a group of Christian homeschoolers if we are secluded in our homes with no outreach for our Lord Jesus!

I would not term what we do with our children as isolationism but rather protectionism. God requires us to protect our children from ungodly influences. Scripture is overwhelmingly full of directives to us, as parents teaching our children and as Christians in general, to live holy lives.

Matthew 18:6-7: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!”

Does this mean we live in isolation? Absolutely not! Instead, we minister as a family. For Steve and I, this means we are around our children constantly, serving the Lord Jesus with them and protecting them at the same time. There are so many ways the Lord has given us to minister, serve, and evangelize as a family through the years. I will share a couple of current ones with you.

Steve and the boys minister monthly at the Kansas City men’s homeless shelter. Steve is with his boys (from age 7 to 25) and able to oversee their conversations, discuss the consequences of sin in these men’s lives, and develop a love in his boys’ hearts for others who are very different from us. Every month, in addition to the personal conversation and evangelism Steve and the boys engage in, one of the oldest will preach. Our sons consider their time at City Union Mission a highlight of their month.

Two Saturdays a month, Steve and the children have a church service at the local county infirmary, a low-income nursing home. They have the opportunity to love the elderly residents, talk to them, sing with them, and share the good news of Jesus Christ with them. Joseph, our thirteen-year-old son, preached at the infirmary the last time they were there. He hasn’t had a call from the Lord to be a preacher, but we want all of our children to be able “. . . to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear” (1 Peter 3:15).

I would encourage us that the questions we are considering are best answered by being “in the world” (John 17:11) but “not of the world” (John 17:14). We are not isolating our children. We are protecting them and also ministering with them to the lost world.

Let me share another story with you by way of illustration. The UPS man stops by our house every afternoon. Once when there was a substitute for a couple of days, the children asked where the regular driver was.

“You mean Caveman?” the substitute asked. The children’s eyes became really big as they realized that the UPS drivers had nicknamed our driver “Caveman.” That became our children’s name for him as well until we had a discussion one day.

We talked with the children about whether “Caveman” was a respectful name for our UPS driver even if they didn’t actually call him that when they talked to him. They agreed it wasn’t and determined to find out his real name.

Not many days after that they came to me and delightedly announced, “His name is Mr. Smith. His name is Mr. Smith.”

“Whose name is Mr. Smith?” came from my confused mind, which had already forgotten the earlier day’s discussion.

“The UPS man!”

Can you imagine what Mr. Smith thinks when he is greeted by five lively children each afternoon shouting, “Hello, Mr. Smith! Hi, Mr. Smith. How are you, Mr. Smith?” Remember, Mr. Smith’s coworkers call him Caveman.

Recently, eleven-year-old John gave Mr. Smith a gospel tract. A couple of days later John asked Mr. Smith if he had read the tract. “Oh, yeah!” he replied. “It was good. I even showed it to the other guys at the terminal when I got back.”

“Would you read another one?” John asked.

“Sure,” answered Mr. Smith.

This recent example, I believe, will show you that a protectionist lifestyle doesn’t preclude our children from sharing Jesus with others. However, they are doing it in an environment where their own hearts are being as carefully guarded as possible.

Scripture tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). So we know that protecting our children will not keep them from being sinful. However, we also know that temptations to sin are greater when a child has been exposed to sin.

I would encourage each of us, with our husbands, to begin praying about what ministry the Lord would have us do as a family. Consider a nursing home, the homeless shelter, a neighborhood Bible study, an outreach to a widow in your neighborhood, or having neighbors in for dinner—that’s just a start! When you have the Lord’s direction, begin to serve. You will have no concern about isolationism, but rather you will experience outreach within the protected environment of family ministry.

Prayer Notebook

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Have you ever had a friend ask you to pray for a specific situation? Then the following week she comes to you thanking you profusely for your prayers. How do you feel and what do you say when you completely forgot to pray? Has it happened to you?

Not only have I had “egg on my face” in relation to saying I would pray but then forgetting, I sometimes didn’t remember to pray for what was truly important in my own life. While I would stew about a situation in our family, did I consistently pray about it? Often I found I did not! I said I wanted God’s solution, but there were no “feet” to my desire.

A prayer notebook became a valuable tool in my life to facilitate my prayer time. It is something to help me do what I want to do. “. . . The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much” (James 5:16). It facilitates doing what the Lord has told me to do. “And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint” (Luke 18:1). In addition, it is beneficial to others and to me. “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed . . .” (James 5:16).

It is important to understand that my prayer notebook has been a tool. It did not take the place of being quiet before the Lord and letting the Holy Spirit put on my heart what to pray. Rather, it has been a memory device so that I don’t forget to pray about the areas the Holy Spirit has directed.

I have been using prayer notebooks, of one style or another, for about nine years now. I am pleased with the benefits they have afforded to my prayer life. I am happy to encourage each of you to put this prayer tool into use in your life as well. Because I am a practical person who loves great ideas but always asks “how,” I would like to give you some simple prayer notebook guidelines based on my personal experience. From these beginning stages of a prayer notebook, you can, with time, fine tune and expand your own prayer notebook.

I want to start out with simple and practical ideas so that you can realistically make use of your prayer notebook and continue to use it. If it is too complicated, you will enjoy the process of setting up your notebook and using it for a week or two. However, as soon as you hit your first major life interruption, your prayer notebook will become too cumbersome to maintain.

You will first need to decide what kind of notebook to use. Then you will have to choose how to set it up. I am sharing information to help you with both of these decisions. Please don’t let the decisions hold you back. If you can’t decide, simply follow my recommendations and go with them.

This notebook will begin by being a prayer request notebook. In it, list prayer requests, leave blank lines, and then fill in with answers as they come. With time, as the discipline to use the prayer notebook grows, other sections can be added. The starting goal of this notebook is to let it be easy so that consistency in its use is achieved.

Any kind of journal book or notebook should work. I am currently using a pretty, hardback, blank journal. The drawback with it is that the pages are not removable, so I face limitations and frustration as some pages fill up, but others don’t. I have overcome this by putting a checkmark at the top of every page that has all the requests answered and writing “Completed” beside the checkmark. Periodically, I move all the prayer entries from pages that only have one or two left unanswered, plus the ongoing prayers, forward in the book. The advantage of these kinds of prayer notebooks is that you can find ones with beautiful covers on them, and they are relatively small. Plus, when it is full, it is all contained together in a bound book for storage.

You could also use a three-ring binder—small or large. This would probably involve little or no cost. Often, in our homes, we have unused binders stashed here and there, or they can be purchased rather inexpensively at a store like Wal-Mart.

Having a three-ring binder for a prayer notebook allows you to redo pages if you aren’t pleased with them the first time or even after you start using them. You can also move a filled page to the back of the notebook so you don’t have to flip through completed pages when you are praying.

The small three-ring binder size has the benefit of fitting nicely on top of a Bible and in a drawer or basket. Its disadvantage is that paper is less easily available. The 8½-by-11-inch size is bigger and more awkward to store, but paper and tabs can be purchased at places like Wal-Mart. It also provides more room for writing.

If even a notebook is beyond the scope of your finances, you can use sheets of paper stapled together for your prayer notebook. The advantage of this is that you can keep your prayer journal right inside your Bible—very convenient.

Start small and simple. Grow your prayer notebook with time.

Using Your Prayer Notebook

1. Scripture decoration—In the top margin of each page of your prayer notebook, plan to copy in a Scripture verse on prayer that is particularly meaningful to you. You can write them on pages you haven’t begun using yet as well.

2. Prayer requests—In your notebook, you will list things you want to pray about every day plus requests that are temporary. This has to be a reasonable list so that you can work through it during your prayer time. When you enter something in your prayer notebook, I would suggest leaving at least two blank lines between entries and perhaps three. This allows you room to write answers or updates.

3. Always date entries in your prayer notebook. This makes it a prayer journal, in many ways, because you know when you started praying about a particular thing, when it was answered, and how. In preparing to write up this information, I looked back at my prayer notebooks. I discovered the year Steve was laid off from his job and the year we made a major curriculum change. Those were dates we had tried to remember, but weren’t able to with certainty.

4. Obviously you can put as many requests in your notebook as you want. The caution is that you keep it simple and not too long so that you can actually pray through your prayer notebook each day, plus have time for anything else the Holy Spirit puts on your heart.

5. You will probably want a mixture of prayer requests in your notebook. There will be important, ongoing entries for you, your family, and ministry. Then there will be short-term prayer requests that will be prayed for a few days or weeks with an outcome.

6. If you choose a loose-leaf prayer notebook, I would suggest having one page for important, ongoing prayer, such as one page for yourself, your husband, and your children. Then put other prayer needs on the page immediately after those pages.

7. You can consider using two different pen colors, one for the request, and one for the answer. The advantage with this is that it makes seeing requests versus answers easy. The disadvantage is switching between pens when you are filling in your notebook. Also, if you lose one of the pens, and it is a color pen you don’t have many of around the house, you will likely stop filling in that part of the notebook—until you get a new pen—and who knows when that will happen.

8. Develop a system to note prayer requests when you think of them but do not have your prayer journal handy. This is probably best done by having notepads near the computer and the phones. If you have a prayer need come in via e-mail, you can jot it down on a sticky note, carry it with you to where you have your time with the Lord, and then enter it at a later time.

9. Faithfully fill in answers to the prayer requests as they come. Again, remember that simplicity is our goal. Give the date and as brief a description as needed to understand it.

Just get started. There are drawbacks with almost any prayer notebook/journal. Some are so complicated the user never has time to do it. The easy ones, like we are doing, don’t have as much flexibility as far as categorizing and dividing up prayer time. That’s okay—just do it. Develop the habit of entering the prayer requests, praying, and recording answers. Then move to more complicated prayer notebooks once those disciplines are in place.

I have been blessed through using my prayer notebook. It has fueled my dependence on the Lord as I have learned to write the concerns of my heart in the notebook and then pray about them rather than worry. That notebook has enabled me to consistently pray for people and issues that are near and dear to me. I am grateful for my special friend, Janice, who first encouraged me to start a prayer notebook. The prayer of my heart is that you, too, might be challenged to begin a prayer notebook, finding it a useful tool in your spiritual walk.

The Case Against Anger – Part 4

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To read Parts 1, 2, and 3, please see this link. We have been evaluating the real-life problem of anger in moms. While our hearts’ desire is to be “victorious, joyful mothers of children,” it is not unusual to find a mom struggling instead with angry feelings—perhaps day after day after day.

Let’s return to the situation of Spanish time with my son. Remember that by God’s grace in my life, yelling at the children was overcome ten years ago. I didn’t raise my voice with my son during Spanish. However, he sensed anger in me. I like to call it frustration because it sounds better. When Joseph kindly confronted me with my attitudes, I tried to deny it. After all, I didn’t yell, stomp, or slam a door, so I must not have been angry. He was right, though. I was no longer interacting with him in my normal way.

What about choosing simply to close my mouth and say nothing if I am beginning to feel at all angry, irritated, or frustrated? Proverbs 19:11, “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” Consider my Spanish situation with Joseph. In this case, I am not even sure we are looking at a transgression on Joseph’s part. It only would have been a transgression if Joseph wasn’t trying to learn the Spanish phrase as we worked on it, but instead purposing to be uncooperative. Whether it was a transgression or not, the verse still applies in this instance. Had I just continued to repeat the phrase for him without the other comments I was making, we would eventually have moved beyond the problem. How much better to spend the rest of my tutoring session on this one area than to be angry with Joseph simply so we could complete the material at a faster pace!

Another step toward overcoming my anger is awareness of all my angry responses—from the first feelings of anger to irritated tones in my voice to an outwardly evident angry response. My struggle is with wanting to justify that anger, especially when it seems under control and unnoticeable to others. I don’t want to fight a battle with anger, and if I am not angry, I won’t have to do that. It is much like the proverbial ostrich with his head in the sand. However, when I admit that the angry feelings are there, then something can be done about them.

The Lord has also shown me the importance of physical touch and closeness in overcoming anger. When I am feeling angry, I want to distance myself from the other person. I don’t feel close; therefore, I don’t want to be close. Distance between the child and me then fuels the angry feelings. On the other hand, if I choose to put my arm around the child, pull him into my lap, hold a hand, or pat a back, the anger begins to dissipate almost all by itself. It is very hard to be angry with someone you are loving on!

Ephesians 4:32 says, “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” When I am faced with a situation concerning my children where I feel like responding angrily, obviously the Lord’s way would be to handle it instead with love, kindness, and gentleness. Proverbs 25:15, “By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.” Anger seldom knows anything about a “soft tongue.” That does not mean there won’t be consequences for wrong behavior in the children. However, it does mean that I am not contributing more to the problem by being angry.

Sometimes I have been told, or heard it said, that anger is a human emotion, and we must express it, within limits. Consider with me a comparison of two moms, one who believes anger is an acceptable human emotion and another who sees anger as sin, praying and working to overcome it in her life. In which home would you want to grow up? In which home do you think the children will feel more loved? Which home will produce angry children? Which one will produce children who are sometimes angry, but know how to deal with it in a godly manner?

Recently I took three of my children to the public library. There we had the opportunity to watch the interactions between an angry grandfather and his angry grandson. My children were mesmerized by the scene unfolding before them. It was a bit frightening for all of us even though the anger did not go beyond words and raised voices. On the drive home, we discussed what we had observed. The children were very aware that if people will act like that in public, they will be considerably worse in private. We had an opportunity to talk about what happens in lives when anger is not dealt with properly.

Again, recall with me the situation of my boys bickering while cleaning their room. My goal is to encourage them to learn to work diligently and responsibly. I also want them to be young men who will praise each other while seeking to motivate, in a positive manner, the brothers who aren’t doing what they are supposed to be doing.

Here were the words I found myself speaking with a tone in my voice that my boys can recognize as irritated—fueled by angry feelings although you might not recognize the tone since you don’t know me well. “Here I have given you time to do your pickup that you should have done before school started, and what are you doing? Being unkind to each other! You should each be working hard, thanking each other for the help, and responding positively if your brother tells you that you need to put something else away.”

I believe the results I desired would have been more quickly achieved had I been quiet longer, listening to the boys’ interactions and really evaluating what was going on. That would have given me time to pray, asking the Lord for the fruit of the Spirit to be evident in my rebuke of the boys and thanking Him for the opportunity to teach them God’s ways. Then my tone could have been sweet and gentle. My words would have pointed out their wrong behavior and consequences given if necessary—all without anger!

Truly, as I evaluate the road I have been walking along toward victory over anger, I realize it has not required much of me. Here is what it has entailed:

  • An awareness of the problem
  • A heart’s desire to change
  • Humility
  • Time (but not all that much compared to the joy to be experienced on all sides)
  • Putting self aside

While there were times I wanted to give up and decide I was an angry person and always would be, God never allowed my heart to be satisfied with those thoughts. I yielded; He is doing the work! He has brought me to where I am in this battle—not having yelled or slammed a door for ten years. He continues to work as He molds and refines me to overcome even the tones in my voice and concealed reactions that stem from anger.

“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath . . .” (Psalms 37:8). Dear Sisters, may anger be a feeling that we want replaced in our lives by the fruit of the Spirit. May we be zealous enough in our efforts to give it no place in our hearts that we will spend time in earnest prayer about it and seek forgiveness when we fail. Let’s draw our children close to us with hugs, squeezes, and whispered sweet words, fostering an environment where anger cannot thrive. May we truly allow the Lord to give victory over anger in our lives.