Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

Children’s Personal Bible Time

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Again this month the topic for the Mom’s Corner comes from a specific request. Here is what was asked:

“I’d like to know more of how you have taught your children to have their own personal devotion time. Is it modeling and the enthusiasm from your family Bible time that encourages them, or have you ‘taught’ them how to do it? I wonder if you give your children journal questions to get them started, such as ‘what did you learn about God from this passage?’ etc. I suppose my bigger question is how do you encourage your children to think about what they are reading as opposed to reading, checking it off a list, and moving on?

“Do you require it or wait until they desire that time themselves? We have devotions as a family, but our children seem unmotivated to have their own personal time with the Lord.

“Although I read the Word, I’ve realized over the last year, with great disturbance, that I, myself, have never learned how to ‘study’ the Word beyond simply reading it. I can understand their frustration at not knowing where to start, what certain passages mean, etc. I am trying to learn by reading books on ‘how to study the Bible,’ because the Holy Spirit has given me the hunger and desire to learn; but how do I encourage my children?”

“And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God” (Ephesians 6:17). “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). We want our children to have the sword of the Spirit available to them, and we want the Word to work continually in their hearts. We know that this comes through the personal familiarity they gain in discovering what the Bible says and teaches.

We desire that our children would take with them throughout their lives a habit of spending time every day personally reading their Bibles. This habit has to be developed and nurtured while they are living in our home. We believe it begins with the example that Steve and I set for them. If we don’t make personal Bible reading a priority in our lives, we can’t encourage the children in it or expect it of them. That means that Steve and I both, faithfully every day, have time alone with the Lord for Bible reading and prayer.

We have seen the vital importance of Dad setting the example of personally spending time in the Word every day, in addition to Mom. Steve verbally encourages the children in the importance of their time in the Word. He often shares his enthusiasm for his Bible reading time, his desire for even more of it, his joy in what he is learning, and highlights of what is exciting to him from what he read that day. Certainly, this is important from Mom as well, but Dad is the spiritual leader and head of the home. It is critical that this is Dad’s heart if it is to be passed on to the children.

As soon as our children can read fairly well on their own—usually around age eight—we give them the family, large-print Bible we have kept specifically for our younger readers. At that point, they are given the privilege of getting up earlier in the morning when the older children are rising so that they may also have their time in the Word, like their bigger siblings. “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee. . .” (Psalms 63:1). In our family, personal Bible time is scheduled for the same time in the morning so that there isn’t noise and distraction from other family members’ activities while we are reading.

Steve and I work together on bedtimes to allow for a reasonable amount of sleep for the children while maintaining the priority of early-morning individual Bible time. Five of our children have their Bible time in the living room at the same time Daddy is having his Bible time in the living room. The others have theirs in another room of the house. While there are several people who are all in the living room at that time, there is no conversation because each person is individually reading his Bible. Steve loves having his children gathered with him spread out through the living room reading their Bibles in that early-morning hour before the busyness of the day begins. It also helps him to make sure each one is staying on task. Steve is always communicating with his children concerning the importance of their time in the Word and encouraging them in it.

When a child begins to have personal Bible time, Steve gives him a reading assignment—usually he has him begin in the New Testament. After the child has had daily Bible time for six months, then Steve buys him his own Bible and Bible cover. Most of our children have a Thompson Chain Reference Bible, a Study Bible, or both. They read during their personal Bible time and have the chain reference or study notes available if they have questions about what they have read and want to do more study.

Our family Bible time in the evening teaches the children how to read passages, think about them, ask questions about what they mean, look at cross references, and most importantly, how to apply it to daily life. These are all tools that they learn together and then have at their disposal during their personal Bible time without having to go through a Bible study book or class to be taught what to do. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

As the children grow, Steve continues to work with them as to where in the Bible they will be reading. He is watching them, considering areas for them to read that would be helpful for specific struggles they are having. Sometimes a child will have a particular book or two that he wants to read. Other times a child desires to read through the Bible or through the New Testament. Once the children reach twelve or thirteen years of age, Steve generally allows them to choose where they will read for their personal Bible time.

About two years ago, Steve was given a wide-margin Bible, which he uses for his personal time in the Word. As he reads, he writes notes in the margin. He has realized the benefit of that for his own spiritual growth. Resulting from this, we have begun to purchase wide-margin Bibles for some of our children, and Steve is encouraging them to make personal notes in the margin as they read.

Our children’s personal Bible time is not a time that we have felt should be invested in deep Bible study. Rather it is a time for relationship building with the Lord Jesus Christ. We want them reading with an eye for how the Word applies to their daily lives. We desire that they would have a hunger for the Word and a delight in it.

When our children are in high school, Steve has them read through the Bible, outlining it as they go. They do this as a combination of individual Bible time and some school time. In addition to the Bible outline, they will also develop a personal doctrinal statement with verses to back up each point of doctrine on the statement.

We like to see our children take the habit of daily Bible reading with them into their adult lives. Steve and I know the importance time in the Word has had in our lives and our personal relationships with the Lord Jesus. We also hear regularly from people who have major spiritual problems in their homes and personal lives. Almost always they are not reading their Bibles consistently. As we prepare our children for life, we are choosing to give them the most solid foundation possible—one built on the precious rock of the Word. “Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock” (Matthew 7:24-25).

Using Scripture in Training Our Children

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After a recent Mom’s Corner where I shared that we chose to use Scripture if our children need correction or encouragement, I received this e-mail:

“I loved the discussion on Scripture memory. Teri stated that she likes to quote Scripture when dealing with issues in discipline, etc. I was wondering if you have anything for some of us just getting back to using the Bible on a daily basis that we could use as well.

“For example, I loved the verse on mumbling, and it was helpful to know there is one in there on that topic. It will also help me expand my memory and learn more in the process.” A mom

As I answered this e-mail and told the mom that we didn’t have a resource such as she was looking for, I began to encourage her in what I would suggest she do. When I did that, I realized what I was sharing with her was something I wanted to suggest to others in a Mom’s Corner.

Our main basis for using Scripture with our children in situations where they are doing something they shouldn’t do or are not doing what they should is 2 Timothy 3:16, which says, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” Another applicable verse is Psalms 119:71, which tells us, “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” We see a basis for using Scripture as we discipline our children in Ephesians 6:4: “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” As we base discipline on Scripture, we are bringing our children up both in the nurture and in the admonition of the Lord.

While some indicate that tying Scripture to consequences will give the children a negative attitude toward Scripture, that has not been our philosophy or experience. Certainly if a parent were to use the Word while he was angry and disciplining a child, then the effects on the child would not be positive. Remember that James 1:20 says, “For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” When we want the fruit of the Spirit to grow in our children’s lives, it is imperative that we are not angry as we rebuke them.

In order to use Scripture with our children, we have to know it, be striving to apply it in our lives, and then recognize situations where we can use it. In hindsight, I would like to have done this more with my children. I believe that it takes a purposeful effort on my part to be prepared and to follow through with applying Scripture to the daily events both in my life and in my children’s lives.

If I use Scripture with my children in the situations that arise throughout the day, look at the wonderful opportunity it gives me to begin developing the habit in their lives of thinking of Scripture and relating it to what is currently happening. For me as a Christian this has not come naturally, perhaps because I was saved as an adult and wasn’t used to thinking of the Lord and Scripture throughout the day. That is probably why I have had to work so hard on learning the Scripture, thinking about it, and applying it to situations in my own life and then with the children. However, through the use of Scripture with my children, I can help them make the application of the Word easier and more habitual for themselves than it has been for me.

The starting place for this purposeful effort in using Scripture with your children would be during your own personal time in the Word every day. Have a notebook with your Bible so that you can copy into the notebook verses that you find that would be applicable to situations with your children. I would suggest beginning by going through the Epistles in the New Testament during your Bible reading. There are many good verses in those books.

I will give you several examples. You could use these categories as a starting place and add other verses to them, plus other categories as needed. You will find plenty of verses as you go.

Child is bickering with a sibling or being unkind:
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering. (Colossians 3:12)

Child is angry:
But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth. (Colossians 3:8)

Child is unhappy:
Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice. (Philippians 4:4)

Child is worried:
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)

Child isn’t content:
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. (Philippians 4:11)

Child says, “It is too hard,” when asked to do something:
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. (Philippians 4:13)

Child isn’t being kind to his siblings:
Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. (Colossians 3:12-13)

Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

Child is lying:
Lie not one to another, seeing that ye have put off the old man with his deeds; And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him. (Colossians 3:9-10)

Child isn’t obeying:
Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. (Colossians 3:20)

Child is proud:
. . . Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. (1 Peter 5:5-6)

Do you see how practical and applicable the Word is for those situations our children will face on a daily basis? These years with our children in our homes are our opportunities to disciple our children. The Word is our ally in this task. “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). There is a power behind God’s Word. It brings a new dynamic into being that is absolutely needed in discipling children and bringing them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Please remember that our attitude in this discipleship process is very important. If we have a critical spirit toward our children, or if we use the verses with condemnation or a hard tone in our voice, we will drive a wedge in our relationship with them and most likely in their relationships with the Lord Jesus. If we want our children to be open to the work of the Holy Spirit in their lives, then we will use Scripture gently, with the fruit of the Spirit evident in our own lives. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Is my attitude toward my child one of love when I give him a correction, or am I frustrated with him for the situation, which has created an inconvenience for me? Does my tone of voice and countenance demonstrate the joy of the Lord, or do they show my unhappiness with the child? Is there peace in my heart or anxiousness? Am I patient or irritated? Am I gentle or harsh? Those verses in Galatians give us a very good gauge by which to evaluate the way we use Scripture with our children, particularly if we are rebuking them.

We want to use these years we are raising our children to teach them to obey the Lord Jesus Christ and to depend on His strength. We can do that as we disciple our children by using the Word. However, we must have those verses at our disposal so that we can share them with our children. That means memorizing the verses ourselves or having them where we can easily access them. We must be working to apply those verses in our own lives while also disciplining our children in a spirit of love. May we be moms who are drawing our children closer to the Lord Jesus as we bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

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Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 4

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When I received several e-mails asking questions about Scripture memory and Bible copying, I thought they would be good topics for a Mom’s Corner. As I got started, I discovered that there was much more to say about memorizing Scripture than I could fit into a normal-length Mom’s Corner. This month’s article will conclude the series, finally reaching the subject of Bible copying. Next month I plan a related follow-on subject.

From the beginning of our homeschooling, we have used Scripture verses for our children’s handwriting work, as they learn first how to print, then practice it, and finally move to cursive penmanship. However, it is only in the past three years that we have begun having our children do actual Bible copying.

In Deuteronomy we find some beautiful verses that describe how the king of Israel was to copy Scripture and the benefits that copying and daily reading the Word would have for him. “And it shall be, when he sitteth upon the throne of his kingdom, that he shall write him a copy of this law in a book out of that which is before the priests the Levites: And it shall be with him, and he shall read therein all the days of his life: that he may learn to fear the LORD his God, to keep all the words of this law and these statutes, to do them: That his heart be not lifted up above his brethren, and that he turn not aside from the commandment, to the right hand, or to the left: to the end that he may prolong his days in his kingdom, he, and his children, in the midst of Israel” (Deuteronomy 17:18-20).

So far we have used spiral notebooks for the children to copy into. However, we have seen how using a 3-ring binder with loose-leaf paper would be an option as well. In the spiral notebooks, the children are limited if they accidentally skip a few verses. There is no way to insert an extra page, and that option would be available if they were writing on loose-leaf paper. This would also allow them to redo a page and insert it in if we wanted them to do that. We like the spiral notebooks because the pages stay together, and when a child completes a notebook it is already bound together.

Our children have done their Bible copying with pencil rather than pen. That is because when they make a mistake, the pencil allows them to erase and redo it without making the page look bad. They will make errors as they copy that they will catch, and I find things that they have missed that need to be fixed.

Steve started the children in Genesis with their Bible copying, but after a few weeks they jointly decided to move to Matthew. Often if a child is working on memorizing a chapter of Scripture, he will use that chapter for his Bible copying until he completes it and then move back to his other copying. That is another advantage for copying into a 3-ring binder on loose-leaf paper versus a spiral notebook, because the chapters can then be placed into the 3-ring binder in the correct order.

The Bible copying is part of the children’s school time. When they are Bible copying, they are easily able to set their minds on things above as Colossians 3 tells us to do. They also are receiving spelling, handwriting, and grammar practice. One of our children was completing her spelling curriculum well each week, but it wasn’t transferring to her daily writing. We decided to have her stop her spelling curriculum and increase her Bible copying time to see if that would help her with her spelling skills. For a younger child, I will read over his Bible copying every day during my one-on-one meeting with him. Then if there are any errors, he will correct them right then. For the older children, either Steve or I will occasionally look over their Bible copying for neatness and accuracy.

After the first Corner on Scripture memory, a mom wrote to me telling about how they had begun working on memory verses at mealtime after asking the blessing on the food. Here is her experience:

“Thanks for sharing the tip about reciting a Bible memory verse after saying grace. My three-year-old daughter is now learning her memory verse in couple of days rather than a couple of weeks.” Mom A

When I wrote to ask this mom for permission to use her testimony, not only did she give me her permission but she also gave some more details about how the memorizing was being facilitated by this method.

“We have been learning a verse for each alphabet letter. We’ve been struggling with the verses for letters A-L because they were only recited once a day, and often I would forget to do even that. When I read the Mom’s Corner, I was quite excited because I knew this would be an easy system to implement and would give practice several times a day.

“I started last week with ‘Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever’ (Hebrews 13:8). We said our prayers before eating, and then I taught the verse verbally. The first day it was mainly my husband or I reciting the verse for my child, but by the end of the second day my three-year-old child could recite the verse.

“The reference seems to be more challenging for my child. We continue to recite it, but at this point I am happy with getting God’s Word into my child’s heart and references being learned later.

“The verse for this week started with the letter K, and it is, ‘Keep my commandments, and live. . .’ (Proverbs 7:2). This verse was also learned in two days, so I should try some longer verses. I also want to do a review week to review past verses.” Mom A

This family decided to use meals to give them a consistent time to work for a couple of minutes on memory verses. They had good success because of the consistency of the study. If it is important to learn the references, then slowing the pace down will allow for that. In not much more time, the reference will be learned as well. For a three-year-old child, that might mean he isn’t learning a verse every single week, but when the verse is down pat with the reference, the family can start on the next verse. We set whatever pace we choose.

Another family e-mailed and told how they had implemented using a whiteboard for memorizing Scripture. Here is what she said.

“Teri recently shared about using a whiteboard for Scripture memory. I loved the idea, and yesterday my husband bought me a whiteboard for this purpose. We have a built-in microwave in our kitchen but do not ever use it, and so it always bothered me being there. I hung the whiteboard right over it.

“We are working on the first section of Psalms 119 right now, and having it so central to where we spend much of our day has already been a blessing!!! My husband and I sat and read it several times last night when we were visiting after the kids were in bed, the children were reading it first thing this morning, and the non-readers were asking the older children to read it to them. I love this and look forward to it always being a central part of our kitchen. Thank you for sharing the idea!!!!” Mom B

I had a mom e-mail me and share with me her personal struggle with pride because of how young her child was and what she had helped him to memorize. The Lord convicted her of her pride, and drew her heart to focus on the truth of why one would memorize Scripture. Scripture memory is an empty discipline unless what is memorized is utilized in a life. It could lead to pride and hypocrisy—a knowledge of the Word without the life of the Spirit. However, if we are using what we memorize to help us walk in grace and obedience, Scripture memory is a powerful ally for us and for our children as we walk in the Spirit.

One other thought I want to share with you comes from a mom who wrote to me and told me what her husband says about Scripture memory. I loved the analogy, and I wanted to pass it on to you as well.

“My husband always says, remember that God’s Word is our sword, when we physically have it in our hands it is like having the sword in its sheath, but when we have it memorized it is like it is out of the sheath ready to do battle.” Mom C

Psalms 19 and Psalms 119 are beautiful passages of Scripture detailing the benefits and value of the Word in our lives and our children’s lives. Here is part of Psalms 19: “The law of the LORD is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple. The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true and righteous altogether. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward. Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults. Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression. Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer” (Psalms 19:7-14).

Because I have that desire for the Word of God in my life, I want to have the Word not only available when I can get a Bible out to read but also embedded in my mind, available anytime, anyplace. That is important for my children as well. May we be women who memorize the Word ourselves and also help our children memorize.

Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 3

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In the past few Mom’s Corners, I have been answering questions that were e-mailed to me concerning how my children memorize Scripture, how I memorize Scripture, and how we use Bible copying in our homeschool.

So far we have mostly covered how our younger children memorize Scripture, but in reality when I am helping them memorize, I am memorizing as well. This is memorizing that doesn’t take any extra effort on my part because I am already investing my time with the child with whom I am working.

However, I also desire to memorize verses and sections of Scripture that the Lord has put on my heart as having particular application to the greatest needs in my life. The places I choose to memorize come from my personal time reading the Word. When I come to a passage that is especially relevant to struggles and failures I am experiencing, I begin memorizing it if I am ready for something new on which to work, or I write it down in my quiet-time notebook to come back to when I finish memorizing the section on which I am currently working. Most of the time, I memorize from the New Testament, but I have also memorized various Psalms and a few other sections of the Old Testament.

When would one fit Scripture memory into a busy mom’s life? The Bible memory method I described in the first Mom’s Corner on Scripture memory, which I named the whiteboard-mealtime-grace method, is the simplest way to memorize without any impact to our time. I also find I can make steady, significant memorizing progress if I will just extend my scheduled time in the Word and prayer by five minutes. Those extra five minutes I spend on memorizing. In addition, I have used bigger chunks of time in the evening by going to bed ten to fifteen minutes early and memorizing while I wait for Steve to come to bed.

I do my personal memorization in much the same fashion as I shared in the first Mom’s Corner on Scripture memory, describing how I would help our pre-readers to memorize. I read the first phrase of the verse several times, and then I try to say it. If I need to, I look back at the verse. I keep doing this until I have that first phrase down. Usually this means I don’t move on to the second phrase that day because I won’t yet have learned the first phrase, especially if I am working on memorizing for only five minutes a day.

The second day, I will try to remember how the first phrase began, but generally it takes me a week or so to be able to start the verse on my own without looking. I am not discouraged by that, but I just keep plugging away, knowing that eventually I will be able to begin the verse without help. Even though I can’t start the phrase, by reviewing the first phrase the next day and working on it a bit more, I will be ready to move on to the second phrase.

When I have the second phrase down, I go back to saying the first phrase and attempt to add the second phrase to the first. If I can’t get it, I look back at the text for some help and go through the process again. Each succeeding day, I try to recall what I memorized the day before. Usually I will need to look at the first word or two to get me started. However, before long, I know the beginning of the newest phrase and no longer require the prompts to get me going. When I have a difficult section, I just stay on it until I get it. I don’t push myself because it is more important to me to really know what I am memorizing than to have covered a certain number of verses in a certain amount of time.

A key aspect that I discovered for my successful memorizing was to do it out loud. That helped me learn the verses faster and allowed me to be able to speak them when I wanted to say them. I used to memorize in my mind without speaking the verses aloud. However, when I tried to say the verses, I had trouble. I could recite them perfectly in my head, but when they came out of my mouth, they sounded different, and I would get stuck. When I moved to memorizing out loud, I then found the verses were at my disposal not only to recall in my mind but also to share with my family or someone else.

Reviewing memorized verses is important if we want to keep them in memory. I have memorized many verses in the past that I couldn’t repeat today, simply because there is only so much time that I can give for Scripture memory review. I didn’t choose to review those verses and eventually they were forgotten.

Even if I don’t keep verses in long-term memory by reviewing them, I have still seen benefit in memorizing them. When I choose a passage, there is usually a need in my life to which those verses speak. For example, I memorized 2 Corinthians 4:8-17 when I was struggling with depression. That whole passage spoke to my heart in the midst of the negative thoughts with which I wrestled. “For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:16-17). I couldn’t quote those verses to you today, but they ministered to me then. Because of memorizing them, I also know in a general way what they say and where to find them. In addition, even though verses I have memorized are forgotten, the Holy Spirit will recall them to me at times.

The sections of Scripture that I want to keep in mind, I will review. Obviously when I am memorizing I am reviewing what I am in the process of memorizing, but I also try to find other time to review previously-learned verses. One of those times is when I blow-dry my hair. I usually only take time to blow-dry my hair on Sunday mornings. I use those fifteen minutes each week to review previously-learned memory verses. I am currently working at teaching myself to go through memory verses when I shower. Right now, since it isn’t my habit, I forget more than I remember, but I am determined to keep trying. Eventually I will remember more than I forget, and then it will be my habit.

The Lord put on my heart that speaking His Word to myself rather than always thinking my own thoughts was part of what Colossians 3—a chapter I have memorized—tells me to do. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2) and “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom. . .” (Colossians 3:16). I also like to use some of the time that we are traveling to review memory verses. I am sure there are a few minutes here and a few there that we all have which can be devoted to reviewing memorized verses—if we will look for that time.

If you would like some suggestions for sections of Scripture to memorize, I will share with you some of my favorites. The three portions of the Word that I currently keep reviewed are: Romans 12, Colossians 3, and Philippians 4:4-19. Here are other passages that I have memorized, and I think you would benefit from as well: John 14:1-21, John 15:1-17, James 1, Hebrews 11, Hebrews 12:1-11, 2 Timothy 2:1-15.

I would encourage you to keep an ongoing list of what you memorize. I haven’t done this until recently, and it saddens me that I don’t have a record of all the Scripture I have memorized over the years. I have also begun to keep a list of the Scripture we learn as a family by reciting it after saying grace at our meals.

Once again, I find that I need to bring this Mom’s Corner to an end, and I plan to conclude next month by finally getting to the subject of Bible copying. In addition, I have received a couple of Scripture memory testimonies that I would like to share with you. I want to encourage each of us not only to help our children memorize Scripture but also to make it a priority in our lives as well.

Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 2

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Last month I began sharing our family’s personal experience and application of Scripture memory in the Mom’s Corner. I believe that most of us, as Christians, have a desire to memorize the Word and to help our children memorize it as well. As Psalms 119:105 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” When we have Scripture embedded in our hearts through memorizing, we have it available day or night to guide our thoughts and actions.

In response to last month’s Mom’s Corner where I explained how I had worked with our preschoolers as they memorized verses, a mom wrote with additional suggestions for preschool Scripture memory. First she suggested having the children do something active while they were memorizing such as jumping up and down. Her second idea was to put hand motions and actions with the words. I wrote back to her and explained to her what had happened to us when we tried these memorizing methods when our children were small.

We found our children didn’t memorize as well doing something else such as jumping up and down. They laughed, giggled, and were quite occupied with jumping, but they didn’t get much Scripture memory accomplished. I was frustrated trying to get them to memorize when they wanted to play. We were more successful when I had one child sitting on my lap receiving individual attention without other distractions.

We also tried memorizing some of their verses with actions, but they didn’t learn them any faster than when we worked on them without actions. As a matter of fact, two things happened with the actions. First my preschoolers would give more of a focus to the hand motions than to learning the verse that accompanied those actions, and they become very silly over them as well. Another problem was that they would often forget the hand motions, so now we had two sets of things to memorize—the verse and what actions went with it.

While I understand that some would want to try to make memorizing Scripture fun and entertaining for a preschooler, we preferred to use time that I was one-on-one with a child to help him begin to learn self-control in being quiet, sitting still, and concentrating for a few short minutes. As preschoolers, the children had ample hours in their day to play but not nearly as much time to be with Mommy where she was completely centered on them, giving individual direction and help in developing some discipline. Self-discipline has to start somewhere, and how much easier it is to begin at a young age than to try to overcome the bad habits of self-indulgence later in life.

Will our little children be able to understand the verses that they memorize? Some they will, and some they won’t. We liked the preschool Scripture memory books from Scripture Memory Fellowship because they had done the work of choosing verses that were applicable to young children and ones that were simple. Sometimes Scripture memory doesn’t happen simply because we cannot figure out what to have our children memorize.

Another way that our children learn and remember Scripture verses is by Steve and me using verses in daily life. For example, Steve often quotes to his family and to others Matthew 16:24: “. . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” Because of that, our family has learned Matthew 16:24 without trying to memorize it, and we regularly mention it to each other when we need encouragement to move our thoughts off of ourselves. We can also use it when talking with people outside the family.

Here is another example of learning Scripture by using it. Philippians 2:14 says, “Do all things without murmurings and disputings.” That is a verse I share regularly with my children if their words or attitudes take on a grumbly tone. The more we apply the Word to our daily lives, the more we and our children will become familiar with it, and the more likely we will be to memorize those verses that we are using in those contexts.

I have heard some say that we should not use Scripture to correct our children. They indicate that if we bring Scripture into discipline situations, we will give our children a negative view of God. However, 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness.” Our basis for what is right and what is wrong is based in the Word. If we don’t use the Word to explain to our children what the Lord wants them to do, why they were wrong, and what to do about it, then our reason for any rebuke or correction is simply our personal whim.

What we think is vitally important when using Scripture to correct a child is the spirit in which it is done. If a mom is angry or harsh, then she will undermine anything positive that she would like to accomplish in her disciplining. However, if our spirits are gentle and sweet as we explain to our children that we want to obey the Word because we love Jesus, and we know that His will for our lives is the best way to live, we are building into our children’s lives a reason to obey and a desire to obey.

“For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). We want our children to see the Word as the direction for their lives, and we want them even to welcome chastening from the Lord. “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth” (Hebrews 12:6). We believe that begins with receiving reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness from the Word. A side benefit from regular use of Scripture as we correct our children is that they will memorize verses that have specific application to problem areas in their lives.

In 2 Timothy 3:15 when Paul is talking about Timothy, he says, “And that from a child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” We want for our children to know the Word, and one way for this to happen is by memorizing the Word. Then our children will have a spiritual tool to be able to use in their lives to draw their hearts closer to the Lord Jesus, to help them choose obedience to the Word, and to direct them toward the blessing of others. Next month I plan to conclude the discussion of Scripture memory and move into Bible copying.

Scripture Memory and Bible Copying – Part 1

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This morning I was alone driving about thirty minutes to pick up Steve, who was returning a truck we had rented. I was reciting out loud to myself several large sections of Scripture that I have memorized. When I came to Colossians 3:16—”Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom . . .”—I was reminded of two e-mails we had recently received asking us about Scripture memory and Bible copying in our family. Here is what they asked:

“I have noticed a trend your family has that involves Scripture memorization. Do you have any information regarding how one would go about memorizing Scripture? I have always had difficulty in this area and would like to know if there is any specific methodology or steps that you use to accomplish this.” Mom 1

“I was wondering what your Bible copying involves? We were involved with Awanas for about four to five years, but the older my son gets the more he fights with learning the verses in the sections. He does have a lot of trouble keeping things memorized, so I think he gets frustrated with himself and gives up. So I’m looking for some way he can learn to memorize without the pressure, and get him back to being eager to learn more about God.” Mom 2

How can the Word of Christ dwell in me richly if I haven’t memorized it? I read my Bible personally every morning. We are also in the Word daily as a family in the evenings, and Steve reads a chapter of Scripture to me at night. I can think about the Word and meditate on it from those interactions with it, but what is dwelling in me richly is what I have memorized.

“Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee” (Psalms 119:11). Once again, to have the Word hidden in my heart is going to mean that I have it memorized. It is accurate, and it is true, and it is continually available in my heart to direct me. This is important not only in my life but also in my children’s lives. We want them to have the Word hidden in their hearts, dwelling there richly.

The simplest way our family memorizes Scripture is what I might term the whiteboard-mealtime-grace method. After we say grace before lunch and dinner, we recite a portion of Scripture together before we begin to eat. We have a whiteboard hanging in the dining room where the current Scripture is written down for us to read until it is memorized. The verses on our board now are Matthew 5:3-12. A couple of the previous passages were 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Galatians 5:22-24.

Just by reading the verses two times a day as our family sits down to meals, we memorize them usually in a few days to weeks. The children learn them before Steve and I do. There is no pressure on anyone, and everyone—even the youngest—will eventually know all the verses on the whiteboard. We leave the set of verses up even after everyone knows them well so they become very ingrained. At that point, the Lord will put a new section of Scripture on Steve’s heart to put on the whiteboard on which we will begin to work.

I believe the key to Scripture memory is having it scheduled every day. That is one reason why our whiteboard-mealtime-grace Scripture method is effective. We work on it twice a day, day after day, and in this case it doesn’t even feel like we are memorizing. For other memorizing, if we will work on it for a set amount of time and do it consistently, we make good memorizing progress.

When our children were younger, I helped them memorize during one-on-one time we would have together. Once at a homeschool convention, we had purchased some books from Scripture Memory Fellowship to help guide me with our preschoolers’ memorizing. Each book had illustrations and a verse in large print. Since the children couldn’t read, I could hold the book open so that they could see the illustration and teach them the verse. Eventually they could say all the verses from the book by me simply flipping the pages so they could see the illustration. When we had completed memorizing all the verses in a particular book, it was with great joy that the child would recite his verses for the family at our family Bible time. We kept our preschoolers memorizing individual verses rather than larger portions of Scripture.

In teaching the preschoolers the verse, I would repeat the whole verse five times through. Then I would take the first phrase and say it five times. I would ask the child to try saying it on his own. If he couldn’t get started, I would say the verse again five times and ask him again. Sometimes I would say the phrase with him or start him off with the first couple of words. We would keep at it through the five to ten minutes that we had set aside for doing memory work.

The next day, I would start by asking the child if he could remember what he had learned the day before. If he remembered it, I would have him repeat it five times for me. If he couldn’t remember it, I would help him get started and see if he could go on by himself. We would work toward the child saying the phrase five times alone. If he couldn’t say any of the verse from the previous day, we would begin again where we had begun the day before.

Once the child had the first phrase down, I would move to the next phrase, saying it five times and seeing if he could say it. If he could, he would repeat it five times. If he couldn’t, I would say it for him again. When he could say the new phrase by himself, I would have him go back to the beginning of the verse, say his first phrase and add the new one on. This would again take practice. We always worked in groupings of five—five times with no mistakes before we moved on to the next step. Once the child has a verse memorized, in addition to learning new verses, we will review the previously-learned verses.

For our children who are older than preschool age, Steve talks with the child, and together they pick out a section of Scripture to memorize. Often it is a whole chapter once they are older. Because I had done Scripture memory with the children before they could read on their own, they learned my method of memorizing that they could utilize, or they could experiment with other ways themselves. When the children were younger, I would be the one to put time into the schedule for them to do Scripture memory. As they have gotten older, Steve has wanted them to choose Scripture memory on their own so they are to work it into their personal time.

Memorizing Scripture is often viewed as a difficult discipline by Christians–one that they would like to do but find themselves avoiding. Our family has discovered that it can be done quite simply by repeating verses when we gather at the table to eat our meals. We also help our pre-readers with their memorizing. If we set aside time to memorize, we will have memorizing success and find that it isn’t as hard as we think. It is difficult only if we haven’t invested the necessary time into it. May we be like the Psalmist and help our children to do this as well: “I will delight myself in thy statutes: I will not forget thy word” (Psalms 119:16). Next month we will look a little more into Scripture memory.

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction” (Proverbs 16:21). This is one of my favorite verses in regards to home schooling and to raising children. It is a verse I need to remind myself of daily. I also have to ask the Lord to help me see the value of pleasant words and to let me be aware of when they can be used. It is easy for me to spot a child’s infraction; that comes naturally. It takes the Lord’s help to be as conscious of when to use those pleasant words.

Pleasant words are appropriate in discipline situations. Sometimes I wonder what our children must think of us when we have our stern face and stern words on. Have you ever watched and listened to another mother in this mode and thought to yourself, “Look how hard and harsh she is!” Would our children have an easier time responding to our discipline if we had the same discipline but a sweet disposition while doing it? This is not the purpose of this Mom’s Corner, though. Rather I want us to consider the value of practicing pleasant words to praise and encourage our children.

Sometimes I am absolutely amazed, at what sounds very “syrupy” sweet to me when I say it, but will bring the biggest, brightest smile to my child. Right now Anna, age six, is diligently working on learning to read and write. When she makes a particular letter well, perhaps a ‘p,’ I will say, “What a great ‘p’ that was, Anna!” Her face immediately lights up with pleasure! I can assure you that there are many, many letters on her page that are not made nicely and even this one I am praising is probably not perfect. I feel certain, though, that she is much more motivated to continue working to make her letters nicely by my “pleasant words” than she would be by my criticism of her poorly formed ones.

When we brought our oldest son, now 22, home to school fifteen years ago, he was struggling with his newly acquired reading skills. I had no experience teaching reading and few resources to draw upon for the remedial help he needed. I decided that I would have him read out loud to me for ten minutes a day. I also purposed to praise him highly for the words he read correctly and to patiently help him sound out the words he struggled with, not allowing any criticism or irritation on my lips as I did so.

Unbelievably to me, within just a few short weeks, his reading skills had improved to where he could read almost anything put in front of him. He no longer dreaded reading time as he had before, but he was actually enjoying the stories he could now read for himself.

Pleasant words promote instruction. Isn’t instruction our goal in home schooling? We want our children to learn to be Christ-like; we want them to develop godly character, and we desire that they excel educationally as much as possible. Scripture says that pleasant words will help us to these goals because they promote instruction. We can say the exact same words with a sweet voice or with a hard voice, pleasant words or harsh words. What will be the outcome of each? We can also use pleasant words or critical words in most situations. Which will promote the instruction that is the prayer of our hearts for our children?

Gratitude comes under the heading of “pleasant words” in my mind. How I delight in expressions of gratefulness to me and how difficult it can be for me to receive criticism. I am finding this is just as true for my children. My seventeen-year-old daughter thrives on praise and gratitude, being highly motivated by it. Our children need to learn to receive criticism with a proper spirit, and I expect they will have plenty of opportunities for just that. I want to push that unnatural tendency in myself, learning to major on gratitude and praise while “minoring” on the reprimands that do come naturally.

“Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:3-4). I wonder how much of this meek and quiet spirit is evidenced by our pleasant words. No matter how hard I try for pleasant words, it is a matter of the Lord changing my heart. “. . . for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (Matthew 12:34).” I must make this heart change issue an area that I am constantly bringing before my Lord Jesus Christ in prayer and petition. Also, I want to not be satisfied with having a spirit that easily criticizes my children but has difficulty praising them. “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13).” I desire to see these negative heart attitudes as sin, confessing them to my children and to my Lord. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (I John 1:9).

Yes, I have a responsibility to teach and train my children which will involve plenty of opportunities to correct them, but may the joy of my heart be to praise, encourage, and express gratitude to them. May I see the value in these “pleasant words.” I challenge you to evaluate your day-to-day interactions with your children. Are they lop-sided on the critical, hard side or do you find frequent occasions to verbally express your pleasure with those precious children? Pleasant words promote instruction!

Nothing Between

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For many years, I was in bondage. It was a subtle bondage, and most people wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong with what I was doing. However, what comes between my Lord Jesus and myself is bondage.

It began innocently enough many, many years ago by simply enjoying a Pepsi with my meal if we went out to eat. After a period of time, probably when we had a little more financial stability, I decided a Pepsi would be a treat when I cleaned house. So I started buying 24 packs of Pepsi at the grocery store, enabling me to have a cleaning-day supply at home.

I remember one day when I was pregnant talking to Steve on the phone while he was at work. It was the middle of the afternoon, and I was tired. I told him a Pepsi would be a nice pick-me-up for some extra energy. He said, “Sure. Go ahead.” That one little statement from Steve was all I needed to push my way into having a Pepsi every afternoon—for that caffeine boost.

More time passed, and there was a day when I was weary in the morning. My solution was a Pepsi right then, and before long it was not only an afternoon habit but a morning one as well. If there was a special occasion, Steve might buy me a 2-liter so I could sip on Pepsi throughout the day. When we were out and around, I would get a soda from a convenience store if we stopped for gas or just because it sounded good.

In my mind I justified my Pepsis. I worked hard taking care of a large family and homeschooling. I needed energy boosts, and I felt I deserved a treat. Sometimes the Pepsi was an escape from the pressure and problems of the day rather than turning to the Lord for His comfort.

Are you familiar with the words to the beautiful hymn “Nothing Between”? It says:

Nothing between my soul and the Savior,
Naught of this world’s delusive dream;
I have renounced all sinful pleasure—
Jesus is mine! There’s nothing between.

Chorus
Nothing between my soul and the Savior,
So that His blessed face may be seen;
Nothing preventing the least of His favor;
Keep the way clear! Let nothing between.

Nothing between, like worldly pleasure;
Habits of life, tho harmless they seem,
Must not my heart from Him ever sever—
He is my all! There’s nothing between.

There was “something between” for me. While it appeared to be a harmless habit of life, it had become a sinful, worldly pleasure for me because it had become so important. During the day, I thought about when I would get another Pepsi. I hoped when we were out that we would stop at the convenience store so I could buy a big drink from the soda fountain. If I didn’t have a Pepsi, I’d get a headache, so I was always trying to prevent that from happening.

While I greatly enjoyed drinking my Pepsi, I was truly in bondage. I fought spiritual battles over my Pepsi—defending it one moment and feeling condemned the next. I would drink a Pepsi telling the Lord that it would be my last one, but the next day I’d find myself rationalizing it again.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9:27: “But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” Paul understood what was important spiritually, and he took steps to keep his body in subjection. I knew that my body wasn’t in subjection. It was ruling me instead of me ruling it.

I knew the amount of soda I was consuming wasn’t good for my health or my teeth. It was an unnecessary expense, and if I didn’t have a Pepsi, I was guaranteed a caffeine headache. I planned to stop drinking Pepsi many times but would end up deciding I’d wait for another day.

Twice I succeed in getting off the caffeine for several weeks or a couple of months only to end up back on it. I thought I could start drinking the Pepsi again, and keep it in moderation. Although I would begin with small amounts, before long I was back to where I had been before.

I remember a friend telling me about how she had stopped smoking. She was trying to stop but was out gardening when a very strong urge to smoke hit her. She cried out to the Lord and said, “If You want me to stop smoking, Lord, You will have to take this craving from me.” And He did.

I thought to myself. “Lord, if You will do it for her, You can do it for me.” That’s how I started praying. However, in my life the Lord hasn’t zapped me from my sinful directions into a righteous path, although I keep hoping it will work like that. It would be so much easier.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it” (1 Corinthians 10:13). This verse showed me that the Lord doesn’t stop making the temptation a temptation. Rather He provides the way of escape. Then I have to decide if I will take the way of escape or give in to the temptation.

“Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Romans 6:13). Here I saw again that I had to make a choice. What would I yield to—righteous or unrighteousness?

In my spiritual battle with my sin, I knew the Lord was telling me the Pepsi had become an idol in my life. That was evidenced by my wanting to stop drinking it but not being able to and by the focus it had taken for me. Finally, the Lord’s conviction of my sin was so strong that I said in my heart, “It isn’t worth it. I don’t want anything between my soul and the Savior.”

I made the decision to stop yielding to unrighteous, and God’s grace was sufficient. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

On December 31, 2006, I drank my last Pepsi. It was a miserable two days as I suffered through the caffeine withdrawal, but I kept crying out to Him for His grace and strength. The joy I have experienced this past year and a half since being freed me from my bondage is completely worth the discomfort of the withdrawal.

The sodas had become a habit for me. I would drink a soda—when I was happy, when I was sad, in the morning, in the afternoon, on special occasions, when we were running errands—there was almost always a reason to have a soda, and it was all part of the habit of my life. After getting off the Pepsi, when I hit those habitual times, I longed for a soda at first, but every time I put my thoughts on how much I desired the Lord Jesus and how much I didn’t want to be back in bondage. I asked for His help as the days went by. I knew from my previous attempts at freedom that I could justify starting again and soon be back into the old habits.

“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). Experientially, in the release from Pepsi drinking, I found this to be true, but only as I yielded to righteousness and chose to take the way of escape from the temptation. It didn’t happen automatically. The desire wasn’t removed from me. I had to fight a spiritual battle with the help of the Lord Jesus Christ. The way of escape was to care more about the Lord Jesus than about my sinful pleasure.

I want to make it clear as I bring this Mom’s Corner to a close that I am not saying drinking a Pepsi is sin. Instead, I am telling you how something that isn’t inherently sinful in itself became sin for me because of the focus it had taken in my heart. “Whatsoever is not of faith is sin” (Romans 14:23). “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin” (James 4:17). I knew the Lord was convicting me that I shouldn’t continue the Pepsi habit in my life. I was aware that it wasn’t pleasing to Him. Yet, for a long time, I allowed my flesh to rule my heart.

I share this story because I know many of those who read the Mom’s Corner are in bondage to something. It might be what others would call sin, but it might be like my Pepsi drinking—something that no one else would consider wrong. From the moms who share their spiritual struggles with me, I know that this list could include soda, coffee, smoking, other treats, an addiction to the computer or TV, and many others. Each of us knows our own hearts. We are aware of what it is that comes between us and our Savior. Don’t think that because you have tried for freedom before that you just give in to it, live with it, justify it, and say it’s the way you are. I had tried before as well. It took becoming more and more miserable in my sin for me to get to the place where I would choose the way of escape.

My heart’s desire is to encourage each of us to be free. “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed” (John 8:36). “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). Hardly a day goes by that I don’t rejoice in my freedom and liberty from the flesh. I never want to return to that bondage; the joy of nothing between is too sweet. Would you be free as well?

When a Wife Disagrees with Her Husband – Part 6

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As we wrap up a six-part Mom’s Corner series on how a wife biblically handles disagreements with her husband, I want to remind you that we are looking at 1 Peter 3:1-6: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”

I encourage you to read the whole series since any one of the articles will not give a complete picture. With each of these articles, I have repeated that I am not writing to wives who are in abusive situations.

Here is a mom who has written to me with some specific questions. “Thanks for the Corner on obeying your husband. I can hardly wait to read the next one. I need more info in the future Corners on what a wife speaks up about, and what she should keep quiet about. Should I say something in private if his teasing hurts the kids’ feelings? How do I teach the kids to obey Scripture that goes against what their dad is doing? For example, if he complains and criticizes his boss vehemently, I feel like I need to explain that the kids can’t criticize their dad, and they can’t imitate him either. HELP! I love my husband and I want the kids to respect him, but the things he does are not respectful.” A Questioning Wife

I would suggest that this mom not speak to her husband, even privately, when he has hurt the children’s feelings by teasing—unless he has asked her to point such things out to him. The husband is probably already aware of the children’s reaction to his teasing. If he won’t stop his teasing when he observes his children’s hurt feelings, I would be surprised if he would respond well to his wife bringing it up. However, when he has a good conversation with them, the wife could praise and encourage him in what a great father he is and how he is building relationships with his children.

It is true that we want to teach a child not to criticize his father. If the child is being critical, we can help him to think about the positive aspects of his daddy and being grateful for those, even using Scripture. The wife wouldn’t bring up that the child’s father has a critical spirit toward others. When Dad is criticizing his boss, that is a time for Mom to be quiet. She might be able to help alleviate those critical feelings her husband is experiencing by telling him she wants to make him his favorite dessert because of what a hard day he has had or rubbing his neck while expressing her gratitude for his diligent work in a difficult situation. Those expressions of love and tenderness by the wife will be as strong an example to the children as the father’s negative example.

Here is one final question I would like to answer: “If a wife disagrees with a decision a husband has made or a direction he is taking the family, can we express our concerns, one time only (with a correct tone of voice, attitude, etc.), or are we just to pray and never say anything?”

Obviously, in normal conversation between a husband and wife there will be differences of opinion expressed. I think that whether a wife specifically brings up a concern would depend partly on her husband. Does he want her to share? Is he open to her opinion? Has he asked her to let him know whenever she has concerns about what is going on?

My thinking is that for those men who are closed to their wives’ thoughts and opinions, it probably will only put more distance between them if she were to bring up her disagreement, and probably it wouldn’t make any difference to him. However, for the man who wants his wife’s counsel, he will likely receive it from her and consider it in his decision making.

Even though Steve is one of those husbands who would welcome and listen to my concerns and disagreements, I find it is very easy for me to fall into a pattern of sharing any and all of them that I have. That leads me to a critical, controlling spirit rather than being the helpmeet that I want to be. I personally prefer to choose to pray—because of 1 Peter 3—unless Steve asks me for my opinion or thoughts. To be sure, I am still growing in this area and sometimes say something when I would rather have just prayed about it. However, I also have the sweet victory of being much quieter than I was early in our marriage when it comes to disagreements. The direction Steve takes when it isn’t the way I would choose is, more often than not, just fine. If it isn’t, it is a lesson from the Holy Spirit, which is so much better than from a controlling wife.

There are numberless questions that could be asked on this topic. I would never be able answer them all, nor would it be my place. Each wife must study Scripture, pray, and apply what she is learning in her spiritual walk in a practical sense when those disagreements with her husband arise. I can only share what I have learned and practiced in my own life.

Here are three audio resources that might be helpful to wives that deal with the topic of a wife who disagrees with her husband, which I recommend and which we carry at Titus2.com:

The Attitude No Lady Should Have, by Dr. S.M. Davis

How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage, by Dr. S.M. Davis

Loving Your Husband, by Teri Maxwell

I would like to conclude this Mom’s Corner series with another testimony to encourage wives to win their husbands without a word by their meek and quiet spirit while trusting in God.

“I am a homeschooling mom to 4 that has been blessed tremendously through the years by your monthly columns. This month’s message about honoring our husbands truly resonated with me. I have been married almost 22 years and it has been very difficult because I have not been obedient to Scripture, and I am so glad that you are teaching on these passages.

“I married my husband during a rebellious period of my life when I had turned my back on the Lord. I was a believer, and he was not. When I was expecting our first child, I was overwhelmed with conviction about how wrong I was living my life, and I gave myself back over to the Lord.

“My husband was confused and aggravated over my zeal to re-embrace my faith, and difficult times began. I thought it was my job to bring him kicking and screaming into the kingdom of God. I wanted him to have an earth-shattering conversion experience and become the perfect Christian husband. I thought God needed my help, and I did everything wrong and in my own strength. I know the Lord knew my motives were right but my actions were wrong. I was ignorant of what 1 Peter 3 taught, but eventually I began to realize how blessed I was that my unbelieving husband was content to dwell with me. However, there were still many problems. I began to make an idol out of my husband becoming a believer, and it began to consume my thoughts and my life, and I was sorely discontent and began a mindset of negativity and anger.

“It took a lot of time, but with biblical counsel from a dear pastor at my church, I began to realize that I was the problem. I needed to get on my knees and beg God to change my heart and forgive all the sin in my life because of my wrong thinking of this situation. I began to realize that forgiveness and a desire to bless my husband was the right way to think. I began to see him as a gift from God for me to love in spite of his sin and wrong ways. I began to realize that God would work in my husband’s life in His own way and time. I could trust the Lord and wait.

“My husband is now a believer. After 21 years of marriage I finally have a whole family in church together in the Lord.” A Victorious and Blessed Wife

This series has taken six months to complete, and we have covered only one passage in the New Testament instructing wives. Wives have great potential to influence the atmosphere of their homes in all areas, but particularly in the area of how to deal with times of disagreement with her husband. She can choose to be quiet, with a meek spirit—leading to a peaceful home and perhaps the winning of her husband to the biblical path. She can also choose to express her opposition, and no matter how nicely she manages to do this, it will create conflict. What choice will you make?

When a Wife Disagrees with Her Husband – Part 5

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For several months now, we have been delving into a situation that every wife will find herself facing—disagreements with her husband. Even in the best of relationships, husband and wife will not see eye to eye on everything. When the husband isn’t saved or isn’t following the Lord, the disagreements are frequent and burdensome. How a wife is biblically to respond to these problems is the theme of the Mom’s Corners since January. I will reiterate that these articles are not addressing a wife who is a victim of an abusive husband.

A practical aspect of this spiritual walk of obedience in submission to a husband would be the continual giving of a wife to prayer for herself, her husband, and her children. If a husband is to be won without a spoken word and the wife then chooses not to speak up against him, she can pray—for her husband, for his decisions, for herself, for her responses to him, and for her children. This is one way to combat the fear that wants to creep into a wife’s heart. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” That phrase “be careful for nothing” means “don’t be anxious or worried.”

Sometimes a wife is upset or unhappy about circumstances with her husband, but she allows her mind to stew about the problems rather than giving her thoughts to praying for herself and her husband. The more a wife dwells on the problems, the more likely it is that she will find herself falling into self-pity and bitterness. Each difficulty that arises with a husband is an opportunity for the wife to follow Jesus when He said, “. . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). This is not an easy thing to do. It comes through yielding to the Spirit. However, the path of submission, prayer, and blessing of a husband will bring the fruit of the Spirit to a wife’s life. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23). I think you will be quite amazed at the changes you will find in your heart if you choose to yield to the righteousness of responding to a husband with a meek and quiet spirit.

I believe women who are married to unbelievers can be greatly encouraged by this verse: “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy” (1 Corinthians 7:14). God has a purpose in this relationship—for the wife, for the husband, and for the children. Obviously, this sanctification and holiness does not refer to an unbelieving husband being saved simply because he is married to a believing wife since each person must come to salvation on his own. However, there is something spiritual—the Greek word for sanctification means set apart from evil— that is happening when a believer chooses to remain obedient to the Lord in the marriage relationship. The believer’s walk with the Lord is to have an influence on both her husband and her children.

It is important that the children see their mom’s love for Jesus Christ, the peace He gives her, and His joy in her life. They should be drawn to the Lord from what they observe in their mother’s life. However, if Mom is speaking negatively about her husband, his decisions, and his way of life, the children will react against her controlling, critical words. They will also most likely struggle with a bitter spirit toward their father if they perceive a “poor me” attitude in Mom—the kind of attitude that is portrayed through an observable martyr syndrome where Dad always has his way but Mom never does. That may be the reality of a submissive wife’s obedient walk with the Lord when her husband isn’t following the Lord as he should be. However, if her submission is done with peace and joy rather than resignation, grudging, or self-pity, the children will be shown the power of Jesus Christ in a life.

Let’s look at a specific question that I have been asked to see how we can practically apply 1 Peter 3:1-6. A mom says, “I need to know if I am undermining my husband’s authority when I take the kids out of the room when he is watching TV that I find inappropriate.” Ephesians 6:4 tells us, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Scripture places the responsibility for the children being raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord on the father. There may be consequences in the children’s lives for the father’s poor decisions, but the father is the one who bears the responsibility. A simple understanding of that biblical concept can relieve a wife of much worry concerning her husband’s decisions and lifestyle and how it impacts her children. Her responsibility is to follow her husband.

If a wife knows her husband wants the children to watch TV with him, then she would be undermining his leadership by taking them out of the room. However, if he is simply involved in his own entertainment and doesn’t care what the children are doing, then the mom could easily have an evening routine set in place for the children to help her with kitchen cleanup after dinner, maybe play a couple of games, take baths, brush teeth, read together, and then go to bed. That wouldn’t be undermining the husband’s authority because he doesn’t have any direction for the children for that time.

Next month I want to conclude this series. In the meantime, if you face an area of disagreement with your husband, why don’t you try being quiet about it. Pray for your heart that it will be filled with a desire to bless and encourage your husband despite any lack of unity. Pray for your husband to be following the Lord’s direction, and be careful that you don’t assume that your way is the right way. May we be wives who bring honor to Jesus Christ in our relationships with our husbands.

When a Wife Disagrees with Her Husband – Part 4

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While I don’t track the frequency of questions I receive via e-mail, the topic of what a wife is to do when she doesn’t agree with her husband has to be one of the top runners. If the areas of disagreement are major and ongoing, these women feel very alone in the problems with which they are dealing every day. They want to follow Scripture, but they don’t know what they are to do or where they should turn for guidance and encouragement.

This series of articles is looking at 1 Peter 3:1-6 and evaluating its practical application for wives when they disagree with their husbands—either in trivial matters or on a major issue. I encourage you to read the other parts of this series if you have not done so to understand what has already been said. These articles are not dealing with the subject of a wife who is in an abusive situation.

Once again, here are the applicable verses: “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (1 Peter 3:1-6).

Even though a wife may not agree with her husband’s decisions and way of life, she is to be in subjection to her husband with a trust in Jesus. That trust doesn’t mean that everything will turn out the way she wants it to, but it does mean that her heart is looking to her Savior and choosing obedience to His will for her life. Remember Paul. From outward appearances everything was wrong—beatings, stonings, shipwrecks, hunger, and hardship—but he was content, grateful, and joyful, not in his circumstances but in Jesus and in obedience to his Lord.

A vicious cycle is set in motion when a wife disagrees with her husband. Usually she isn’t quiet, and discussion comes up on multiple topics of dissension. He reacts to her criticism or negative words about his decisions. If he tries to change, he finds that one area isn’t enough because she continues to bring up her concerns about how he is leading his family. Eventually he may give up and resign himself to not being able to please her no matter how much he tries. If he chooses not to change to her way of thinking on the problem areas, he still knows she doesn’t agree with him and feels that lack of respect on her part. Bitterness creeps into his heart toward her. Bitterness creeps into her heart toward him. The wedge is in place and growing.

A wife can begin the process of removing the wedge. To illustrate how this would work, let me again tell you the story of our neighbor’s dog named Pepper. She is the most excitedly affectionate dog you could imagine. She expresses her joy in the presence of any passerby by wagging her tail, jumping up and down, and yipping happily while racing up and down the fence line. She has so won the hearts of those who walk by her yard on a regular basis that her owners had to put a note on the fence saying that Pepper had developed some health problems and could no longer be fed the treats the neighbors were offering her.

It is hard to resist someone whose face lights up when they see us, who expresses love for us, who is grateful to us, who praises us, and who follows us in our decisions. That would be how a husband feels as well. When a wife can let go of her fear, anxiety, critical spirit, negative words, and bitterness, she can chart a course for that meek and quiet spirit toward her husband. She can smile at her husband, tell him she loves him, be grateful to him, praise him, and follow his decisions—without any kind of negative reaction.

Many wives feel weary when these struggles of disagreement with a husband go on for years without any visible change, and understandably so. However, Galatians 6:9 and 2 Thessalonians 3:13 tell us not to grow weary in doing what we should be doing. “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9). “But ye, brethren, be not weary in well doing” (2 Thessalonians 3:13). Obviously, since this is a command, then it is a choice on a wife’s part as to whether she will give in to being weary or not. She will compound her weariness when she continually thinks about her struggles and disappointments. She will find rest and joy for her spirit when she keeps her mind steadfastly first on Jesus and then on the blessings He has given her. “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31). This has to be her hope.

As I conclude this Mom’s Corner, I want to share with you another personal testimony to encourage you in choosing obedience to the Lord even when it goes against what you want to do.

“Our family has been there, and I can testify that keeping my mouth shut was the best thing I could have done! It was completely unnatural and I did it by faith, choosing to believe that my husband could be ‘won’ without my input. It was very difficult, truly a ‘spiritual discipline,’ but the Holy Spirit was faithful to help me. In fact I remember praying and telling the Lord I would never bring the subject up, and I wouldn’t even mention anything to do with it unless my husband did first. Several months later, he started bringing it up, and it took several tries for him to get me to say anything! Now that was something different! But God was faithful and worked everything together for good. I am thankful for that brief passage in 1 Peter because it truly gave me something solid to hang on to when I wanted to do things the way that seemed ‘logical’ to me.” A Hopeful Wife