Category Archives: Mom’s Corner

Guarding Time for Priorities

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It seems like there have always been ways that Satan tries to get believers to waste time on non-profitable activities that will keep them from doing what the Lord wants them to do. When I read this verse, I know that even back in New Testament days this was happening. “And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not” (1 Timothy 5:13).

Evaluating Time Usage

It is important for each of us to evaluate our time usage and ask the Lord if it is in accordance with His direction for our lives. We can be in the right place to be doing what the Lord wants us to do, but if we are not utilizing our time properly, we might be missing out on the blessings He would have for us. When we waste time, we aren’t able to keep up with the responsibilities the Lord gives us. Also if we aren’t using our time according to God-given priorities, we can have trouble. We might feel stressed, guilty, or unhappy. For some it degrades into depression.

I think we could safely say that the Lord isn’t going to ask us to do more than there is time to do. Our job, then, is to determine, with the Lord’s help, what are time wasters, what our time priorities are, and where our time should be spent.

When I have a stressed mom write me who says she can’t keep up with all there is to do with a growing family and homeschooling, I ask her to evaluate where her time is going. A schedule is certainly a helpful tool for that. Without a schedule, it can be very difficult to determine exactly where the time is spent. Plus, really and truly, a schedule makes a mom more productive, but that is another story.

What Comes First?

For example, it wouldn’t be unusual for a mom to go to her computer or phone early in the morning after getting up, before she’s had her time with the Lord and before the children wake up. While it’s quiet, she checks her e-mail, and maybe reads a blog or two. In her mind, she plans to spend five, maybe ten minutes there. However, she decides that an e-mail or two would be easy to respond to right away, and one blog leads to another that looks interesting, inspiring, and educational. It could be an hour later that she is still there. The children are now up, but they are an irritation because they need attention. They are a distraction from what she really wants to do at that moment.

In addition to all of that, this mom never gets to her time with the Lord, in the Word and in prayer. If we were to ask the Lord what He wants our time invested in, I am confident He would tell us that time in the Word and prayer is a much higher priority than media time. Does that mean we can never read or write an e-mail or read a blog? No, but it does mean that we keep our priorities straight, and we evaluate whether media time is stealing time away from things the Lord would have us do.

Prioritizing would say that media time comes after spiritual nourishment and a mom’s primary responsibilities. It might also mean that there are other ministry or educational things the Lord wants to be utilized by time that has been given to media. When priorities are sorted out, then the media time can be put into a scheduled timeframe. That scheduled timeframe will assure that it doesn’t keep her from time with the Lord, meeting the needs of her family, or her other priorities. It also helps her to contain the time to a specified amount so that it doesn’t rob her of time she should be using in other avenues.

How Much Time?

I am not just picking on phones and computers. It could be something as beneficial as exercise. Exercise is certainly good for our health and even for our emotional well being, but it also should have parameters and boundaries. It isn’t more important than our spiritual health. “For bodily exercise profiteth little: but godliness is profitable unto all things, having promise of the life that now is, and of that which is to come” (1 Timothy 4:8). So if exercise is superseding Bible reading and prayer, I can’t help but wonder if the priorities are off. If exercise causes Mom to be angry and frustrated with her children’s needs, then she should re-evaluate when she exercises. She can schedule it for when the children won’t need her or when someone else can meet those needs, and she can look for ways to keep the exercise within a reasonable time frame. Once again, a schedule helps put these important parts of our day into their proper places considering priorities and needs.

Where Is Our Attention?

Those are just a few examples. Here are a few more. What about texting? A text or two is just a minute here or a minute there. However, it interrupts whatever the mom is involved in doing, generally expands beyond those initial minutes (have you ever timed a texting conversation?), and it takes her attention away from her scheduled priority at that moment.

Talking on the phone? Yes, we want to have and build relationships, but there may be seasons in a young mom’s life where she doesn’t have extended amounts of time to talk on the phone. It is simply not a top priority for the amount of time she has with her responsibilities. That phone time puts unnecessary pressure on the rest of her day, causing stress and discouragement with what she isn’t accomplishing.

Is It a Time Waster?

Reading novels? Watching TV? Watching movies? Those are all activities that we can live just fine without doing (likely a mom is better off without them anyway). For the busy mom, I would wonder if they fit into the top part of her priorities. They rob her of time that she desperately needs for the priorities the Lord has given her.

I am sure there are many others too. They may be things that are enjoyed, but they aren’t necessities in life and would not rate high on a priority list even if they are relationship builders or educational. They take time, and they take attention that is likely needed in other places. Each mom should be aware of whether she is keeping up with the responsibilities God has given to her, whether she is spiritually nourishing her soul, whether she is feeling daily time pressure stress, and whether the activities in her schedule are ones that bring glory to the Lord.

Redeeming the Time?

I want to go to bed at night with a peaceful heart, knowing that my time was spent doing what the Lord wanted me to do. “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16). I can use my time the way I desire to use it, and even if they were good activities, I might find myself discouraged at the end of the day if they weren’t what the Lord directed me to do. Perhaps they kept me from doing things that were important for my family or that would have allowed me to be current with my responsibilities. It could be that they simply moved my attention from my children and their needs into another realm.

May I encourage each of us to go to the Lord and seek His direction for every part of our daily time usage. May we evaluate our activities and weed out time wasters so that we are productive with our time.

May we also look at other things we do to determine if it is a current priority or needs to be put aside for a season. I know there is great peace and joy in a life lived like that. If you need help with a schedule, I suggest you buy Managers of Their Homes, or pull it off your shelf to reread if you already have it.

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Seven Important Reasons Why Homeschoolers Should Give Report Cards

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Do you remember being in school and having your report card handed to you? How did you feel as you looked at it? Were you excited? Anxious? Did you open it then or wait until you were alone? What was it like taking it home and showing it to your parents? Did you want to hide it, or were you proud of it?

When I was growing up, report card day was a momentous event at home. We received a quarter for each “B” and a dollar for each “A.” If the report cards were good, we had a special family dessert – chocolate sauce over pound cake. I only remember my sister and me bringing home good report cards. Yay!

As homeschool families are there any reasons why we would give report cards to our children? They place an added burden on Mom to create extra time and effort to track the information that would be needed to compile report cards. Sometimes as homeschoolers we feel like we want to leave behind what we saw as the institutionalized part of education. Do report cards fall into that category? As a homeschool family for 30 years, we would encourage you that report cards play an important role in home education.

1. Keeps Teacher Mom Accountable

It is necessary for homeschool moms to be diligent about accomplishing homeschooling. The education of their children falls squarely on their shoulders. Planning to give quarterly report cards should motivate Mom to make sure daily and weekly school is happening so that she has data from her students to be entered into the report card. It is very difficult to generate a report card if school time has been lacking.

2. Sets Goals Before the Student

Report cards give homeschool students a goal to work toward. In a normal classroom, there will be positive peer pressure toward academic accomplishment. In the homeschool, it is generally only one student per grade, losing the benefit of that incentive. In its place, homeschoolers can use the goal of achieving good grades to motivate children to work on their school assignments and to put forth their best effort.

3. Gives Reinforcement to Student

Report cards will give homeschooled children reinforcement – positive or negative. Without some kind of grading system and report cards, how do our homeschool students know if they are doing well or doing poorly? The homeschool mom can verbally tell her children how they are doing, but they don’t have anything quantifiable and tangible to validate those words.

4. Tracks Progress or Lack of It

When we give our children report cards, it helps us discern their academic progress or lack of it. Good grades indicate positive progress, but bad grades will be a concern that should lead us to look for remedies. When those bad grades turn to good grades, we have a track record.

5. Documents for Governmental Authorities

Report cards will indicate to governmental authorities, should they ever question a homeschool, that real learning is taking place. In the U. S. each state has slightly varying laws regarding homeschooling, but in all of them, it is clear that education is to be accomplished. Report cards indicate that this is a homeschool where real school goes on and learning results. We can have our textbooks as proof of homeschooling, but the report card indicates to the authorities what is actually being accomplished with those textbooks.

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation” (Romans 13:1-2).

6. Allows Others to See Academic Progress.

Not only do report cards document progress that governmental authorities can observe should they question our homeschooling, but it also allows others to view academic progress in our children. Report cards can be shown to Dad, grandparents, even interested friends because they document definitive achievement. This gives those other people who love your child opportunities to reinforce and encourage that child.

7. Helps Children Adapt to the Real World

Finally, report cards move our children toward adaptation to the real adult world. If your children go to college, they will be in an environment where tests and grades are the norm. If they are self employed, they may still study and take tests for credentials in their field.

When the child wants a driver’s license, he will take a test and receive a grade on it that will either allow him to have the license or not. Those who work in the corporate world will have written reviews by their supervisors that document their performance over a pre-determined amount of time. Those reviews are shared with the employee and with upper level management. Performance in the job as documented by the reviews will be tied to pay raises.

Just a Little Extra Time

During my homeschooling years, I really didn’t find that giving report cards took very much extra time. Mine were simple with just the basic information on them. I had documentation of the children’s work from their test and quiz grades. For many subjects, I could simply average them for the grade. Since I kept the grades in an Excel spreadsheet, it would do all the calculating for me. I didn’t even have to work the math. Toward the end of our homeschooling, when we were using computers and e-mail so much, I would usually e-mail the report card to the child, to Dad, and then print a hard copy for our records.

I think that if you are a homeschooling mom, you will be happy to make the decision to give your homeschool students report cards and them begin implementing that decision. There are many benefits that come from report cards that you will experience if you do.

Download Report Cards from Titus2

For many years, we have offered a basic report card template on Titus2 as a free download. With the upcoming Mom’s Corner in mind, we designed more report card templates. We offer them in several formats: sunflower or airplane, PDF to be filled in, or subjects blank so you can type them in or print and handwrite them.

Try them out, and let us know what you think. Happy report card making.

Homeschooling with Depression

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I was a homeschool mom who suffered with depression for the first eight years of homeschooling. I hope sharing what allowed me to function and homeschool in the midst of depression and what brought me through it might be helpful to other moms who find themselves depressed, discouraged, or simply feeling down.

Depression wasn’t a part of my life until after I began having children. Then it was something I faced on a regular basis over the course of several years. Amazingly, the Lord called our family to homeschool while I was still in the middle of dealing with my depression.

A Schedule for Life in Depression

I know I say this often, but I will say it again. Having a schedule was a lifeline to me as I managed homeschooling with depression. I did not want to give up homeschooling because of depression. The schedule was a tool that allowed me to care for my young and growing family plus homeschool.

That schedule directed my time usage and alleviated many decisions that I know would have been overwhelming to me, and which I likely wouldn’t have been able to make. When we think of a woman and depression, we tend to imagine her curled up in bed all day. The schedule, along with a great measure of God’s grace, got me out of bed each morning and moved me through the things that needed to be accomplished every day.

Because of the schedule, even with depression we had meals at a set time. We were faithful with homeschooling, and the children excelled in their academics. I could keep up with laundry and housekeeping. Can you imagine how not doing those things would have fueled my depression because often depression can lead to a vicious cycle? Tasks aren’t being accomplished, and the feeling of failure and the increasingly-overwhelming list of things to catch up on leads to still deeper depression. If you want to know what I learned about scheduling and how you can schedule, that information is found in Managers of Their Homes.

Scripture Overcomes Depression

Part of my schedule was time in God’s Word first thing every morning. Does a depressed homeschool mom feel like reading her Bible? For me, the answer was no. To be honest, I didn’t feel like doing much of anything, except maybe crying—and I did a fair amount of that. Yet I knew the ultimate solution for my depression was in the Lord Jesus, and I was aware that His communication to me came through His Word. I clung to passages of Scripture that I could relate to and that gave me a measure of hope. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

Not only did Scripture give me hope while homeschooling and being depressed, but it also directed my thoughts when they were consumed with negativism and gloom. I regularly read Lamentations 3, and I related to the descriptions there. These verses were something I could use to push out the wrong thoughts. “This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him” (Lamentations 3:21-24). Hallelujah!

Because my depression included worry, anger, and self-pity, that time in the Word each day was teaching me God’s way to deal with each of those. I certainly wasn’t a perfect student, reading a verse and applying it immediately and consistently to my life. However, in spite of my slow and stumbling spiritual learning style, the Lord gently taught and encouraged me.

Living the Word Helps Depression

Reading His Word had to translate to moment-by-moment action, which for me was harder than simply reading the Word. Sometimes I remember feeling spiritually uplifted and excited as I read my Bible, only to begin my homeschooling day in defeat if my mind was playing the same negative, broken record of depressed thoughts. Those thoughts needed to be replaced with Scriptural thoughts.

I found this verse to be very true: “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:2). I needed to pair that with this verse: “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5).

“Learn and do” was the theme of my spiritual walk during those days. The doing was not so much physical, although many days it was acting differently than I felt. The doing was mostly accomplished in my mind—taking the wrong thoughts captive and replacing them with the truth of the Word.

My natural responses came from my life before Christ when I was walking in the flesh, filled with selfishness and pride. Those all had to be transformed by the renewing of my mind with the Word and then obediently using what I was learning.

Prayer Enables Through Depression

Does it sound like at that time I was a spiritual giant to be able read God’s Word, learn from it, take my thoughts captive, and be a transformed woman with no more depression? I was too weak to do that on my own so I was continually crying out to the Lord for His grace, mercy, and strength. Often I felt like it was a minute-by-minute prayer. “Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily” (Psalm 86:3).

I was bringing my failures to the Lord in repentance and asking for His help in overcoming them. Failing, repenting, and failing again in the same area heaped guilt onto an already fragile heart. These two verses were ones to which I clung: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). “There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” (Romans 8:1). That was truth!

Exercise and Depression

Another priority we kept in my schedule was daily exercise. For me it was a walk. That put me outside in the fresh air, away from the environment that I struggled in, and gave me some time away from my normal responsibilities—all that in addition to getting exercise. I usually walked with my mom or with Steve so I had companionship and communication during the exercise, too. These days we read that exercise provides not only physical benefits but also mental ones by stimulating the production of endorphins. I think, for me, it had both those positive impacts.

I Didn’t Use Medication with my Depression

In my depression, I chose not to use medication. That was my decision, but my husband agreed and approved. There were several reasons I didn’t want to use medication. The main reason was that I wanted my healing to be from the Lord. The secondary reason was that I thought there was a possibility that if I started on medication, I might not be able to stop using it. I was concerned about the long-term health effects of being on a pharmaceutical.

Homeschooling with Depression

I am eternally grateful that the Lord allowed me to homeschool through my depression by giving me physical and spiritual tools to combat the depression and to be able to live life with it. Even though that depression lasted over the course of about eight of our thirty years of homeschooling, He gave me many more homeschooling years without depression than with it.

While living with the depression seemed long and tedious, I now look back and see all the work the Lord did in my heart to bring me out of the depression, to allow me to homeschool with it, and to mold me into what I am today. I praise His glorious name.

We have some resources that might also be beneficial to you in this area:

Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit
Sweet Journey
Sweet Relationships

Each of those books have come out of my experience with homeschooling, depression, and the work the Lord Jesus was doing in my life. The testimonies we have received over the years affirm that they can help you too.

Here is a link to another article I wrote about my depression.

A Schedule Can Help with Depression

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I struggled with depression on and off for about twelve years. Many of you who regularly read the Mom’s Corners have seen me talk about those battles before.

Those were difficult and dark days, not only for me but also for my family. In a previous Mom’s Corner I shared about that battle and several of the things the Lord used to help pull me out of depression. In this Mom’s Corner, I want to focus on a specific tool that helped me navigate life in the midst of depression and care for the needs of a young and growing family.

When the Lord called our family to homeschool and then began giving us more children, my ability to keep up with the childcare responsibilities, housework, cooking, laundry, plus homeschooling, failed. Falling behind with those tasks caused stress, worry, guilt, and a host of other negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and impatience.

Time Management Tool

When I asked the Lord for help, He began to teach me to schedule. “I cried unto the LORD with my voice; with my voice unto the LORD did I make my supplication” (Psalm 142:1). Since I had a home to run, which had many similarities to a small business, I needed time management skills to do so. Back then, I didn’t have time to read books on time management, nor would I probably have found any that dealt with time management for a stay-at-home mom who was homeschooling. However, I am excited to find that what the Lord taught me years ago about time management in a home is exactly what time-management experts recommend in the business world today. Time management is powerful in business, and it was powerful for me with the specific needs I had as a stay-at-home mom with children to care for and educate.

I started putting together a daily schedule to help direct my time usage, and also the children’s. I used a paper and notebook. There was much erasing and rewriting, but it gave me a basis for my day. (Now we have a scheduling kit that comes with Managers of Their Homes, and also ScheduleBreeze, which is an add-on scheduling software for Managers of Their Homes users. )

The Schedule Makes Decisions

While scheduling has been beneficial in a multitude of ways in our home through the years, I want to deal specifically with how it impacted me during my depression. A depressed person doesn’t make decisions well, nor are they motivated to do much of anything. Because of my love for my husband and children, I had a desire to care for their needs. Having a schedule gave me direction for how to use my time. I didn’t have to make decisions; they were already made for me. I had direction through the schedule. When the mind is tracking things that need to be done and decisions that need to be made, it is an extra weight.

I remember back then listening to Elisabeth Elliot’s radio program for Christian women, called “Gateway to Joy.” She would say, “Just do the next thing,” to encourage women to keep up with daily tasks. My schedule told me what my “next thing” was when, in my depression, I could not figure it out.

A Schedule Gives Sense of Accomplishment

That schedule also allowed me to have a feeling of accomplishment at the end of each day, rather than being saddled with a burden of all that was left undone. As a depressed woman, consider what sitting and doing nothing—which is typical in depression—would have done to deepen that depression, versus the positive aspects of caring for my family and keeping up with the home management plus homeschooling. I know that this was a vital part of helping me through and out of the depression, whereas without the schedule, I would have spiraled deeper and further into it.

Moms write me who are living with depression, and they often say that their homes are out of control. They also tell me that they aren’t spending any time with Jesus. Of course, they share the deepness of their misery, and I more than understand their feelings. Putting together and using a schedule brings structure back to their lives. I’ve seen countless times how depressed moms are encouraged when they follow their schedule. It does for them what it did for me.

A Schedule Renews a Depressed Mind

The most important part of a schedule is to plan daily time to spend in Bible reading and prayer. “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” (Psalm 63:1). There is nothing a depressed mom needs more than to be spiritually nourished. God’s Word will give her the help she needs for many of her emotional struggles, just like it did for me. For example, when she reads this,  “Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice” (Philippians 4:4), she probably thinks, “But, Lord, I don’t feel like rejoicing. I just feel sad and unhappy.”

She might also read, “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5). Hopefully, she will then decide to choose to rejoice rather than letting her feelings rule her. Victory begins to come to her, step by step, just as it did for me.

A Schedule Helps Many Moms

I honestly believe that a schedule helps not only a depressed mom, but also most other stay-at-home moms. All the benefits the depressed mom realizes with her schedule are ones that other moms will experience as well. Perhaps that schedule will keep the mom who isn’t depressed from becoming depressed. The schedule certainly brings peace and productivity to days that can be chaotic and stressful. There is a wealth of information in Managers of Their Homes that allows me to come alongside you as you learn about scheduling and implement a schedule for your time.

The Hopeless Mom

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Can you relate to the young homeschooling mom that I once knew who had five little children and was angry and very discouraged? Although she had a happy childhood, she was not raised in a Christian home. She had given her life to Christ during college and was growing in the Lord, but as a mom, anger was still a regular reaction to her children’s misbehavior.

Discouraged by Anger

In her heart, she knew that anger and yelling were harmful and not the way the Lord would want her to respond to her children. Because of that, she was also continually pulled into discouragement and depression by her inability to do what she knew the Lord would want her to do in those situations.

She spent time in solitude, praying and repenting after she had failed, but she often felt it was hopeless—that anger was simply a part of who she was and always would be. That dragged her even further into gloom and doom.

This young mom had a strong, spiritual husband who was a continual encouragement to her. He prayed for her, offered her suggestions, and helped her with Scripture that would apply to her needs. He was the bright ray of hope that the Lord used to keep her on the homeschooling path even though she felt like she was a miserable failure.

Could She Stop Yelling?

The young mom remembers telling the Lord that her anger was simply not controllable, even though Colossians 3:8 said, “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.” She had tried putting her anger off, but it just didn’t work.

Then one day she was yelling at her children when the telephone rang. She picked up the receiver and with a very sweet voice said, “Hello,” followed by a brief conversation. Immediately the Holy Spirit convicted her heart that, in order to answer the phone nicely, she had chosen to put off her anger. It was not the impossibility she had convinced herself it was.

You’ve probably realized by now that young, homeschooling mommy was me. This morning I was meditating on this verse: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). My heart was immediately overflowing with gratitude for the Lord’s work in my life regarding anger. I have a multitude of things to give thanks to the Lord for, but today I was filled with thanksgiving that I no longer yell.

No More Yelling

I haven’t yelled for about twenty-four years. I don’t have an exact date that I stopped yelling, but I remember about the time Anna was born thinking, “I can’t recall the last time I yelled.” Then I started watching and listening to myself. It was over. There was no more yelling. Praise God!

You might say that I stopped being angry and yelling because my children grew up, but I would have to tell you that there were still two more children to come after Anna. When Mary, our last child, was born, I had five children ages 7 and under—plenty of fuel for anger and yelling for many more years. It was over, however, and I am so grateful for the freedom the Lord gave from the yelling.

Freedom from Anger

Freedom from anger was a very real spiritual battle that was fought in my life. “Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand” (Ephesians 6:13). It wasn’t a one-thing, overnight change. It was a war that was waged in my heart and my mind against my flesh and my selfishness, where the anger rooted itself.

“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would” (Galatians 5:16-17).

Prayer for Victory over Anger

How did I walk in the Spirit? I prayed. I prayed several times every hour for victory over the anger and my angry responses. Anger had become so habitual for me that I had to focus on pausing to regroup my thoughts away from where they were inclined to go in my flesh and onto where the Spirit would direct them. My habits had to change from walking in the flesh to walking in the Spirit.

Armor of God and Anger

How did I walk in the Spirit? I put on the armor of God. Read Ephesians 6:10-18. For me, these verses were key. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints” (Ephesians 6:16-18). Satan used my failures to keep me in discouragement and depression, which only left me emotionally drained and more prone to the anger. A shield of faith, God’s Word, and prayer were my defense and weapons against not only the anger but Satan’s accusations.

Scripture and Anger

How did I walk in the Spirit? I obeyed what God taught me in His Word. I love this verse: “ A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). That was very true for me. When I stopped myself, just like I did on the telephone, and gave a soft answer to the situation the anger was defused. The telephone incident showed me that I could make a choice in that moment of emotion to do something contrary to what the feelings were driving inside me. It was pride that caused me to do that on the phone. It was love that motivated me to do that with my children.

No Longer Controlled by Anger

I am sure there are some of you who feel like that young, homeschooling mommy. That’s why I share my story, because if there was hope for victory for me, there is hope for victory for you! Anger controlled me for 16 years, but it hasn’t for the last 22 years. Praise the Lord!

There were other pieces to the victory over anger that I am rejoicing in today. Here are resources that might help you gain victory over anger:

Are They Fighting? – Part 3

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Dealing with Children’s Unkindness

The final key I would like to consider for dealing with physical unkindness between siblings would be the attitude of Mom’s heart. When we see one child hurting another child, our first response might be one of anger. However, it is quite obvious that if we respond to the child in anger, we affirm the attitude in the child that we want to eliminate.

“The wise in heart shall be called prudent: and the sweetness of the lips increaseth learning” (Proverbs 16:21). Teaching our children godly, loving behavior starts with our own attitudes, words, and actions. Sweetness of the lips is much more powerful than yelling or even negative tones in our voices. Gentle firmness helps keep the child’s heart attached to ours while we are working toward a change of behavior.

Stopping the Negative Thoughts

What you do with your thoughts can make all the difference in your responses to your children when they are not being nice to each other. Second Corinthians 10:5 tells us to take our thoughts captive and bring them into the obedience of Christ.

That means you can think, “I hate it when my children fight with each other. They know better. I am sick and tired of having to deal with them time after time, day after day.” Or you can think, “Lord Jesus, I am so blessed to be the mother of these children. Thank You for entrusting them to me. Help me, Lord, to direct their thoughts and their behavior to express the love You want them to have for each other. Lord Jesus, I know You are working in their lives, and You are working in my life. Thank You, thank You, thank You, Jesus.”

Which thoughts do you believe will help you have a patient and loving attitude toward your children when you correct them for wrong behavior? Which thoughts will give you stamina and determination to be consistent in working with your children? Which thoughts will allow you to put a smile on your face and move on with your day positively after a situation with the children?

I can attest to having done it both ways, and I was way more successful and way happier with myself when I took the route of the second set of thoughts. The first set hurtled me into a pit of self-pity from which it was almost impossible to climb out. The second set put my mind on the Lord Jesus, the gratitude He tells me to have, and the possibility of a brighter future.

Should Children Apologize?

I had an e-mail from a mom after the other articles in this series. I wouldn’t be surprised if others are wondering about the same thing. Here is what she asks:

“After I read your article on children and fighting, I wondered how you handled apologies. Did you have your children apologize to each other (even when they weren’t really sorry) and/or make restitution? I have tried this at times, but it often leads to greater pride and a sense of entitlement rather than mercy and grace. Any thoughts?”

Yes, we did have our children ask forgiveness of each other. We avoided “I’m sorry,” because it doesn’t require a response from the other person. If there is a response, it often is, “It’s okay.” The reality is that it wasn’t okay. However, we encouraged them to say, “Will you please forgive me?” and then express what they needed forgiveness for. That gave the other child the opportunity for a verbal response and to release negative emotions he might have been feeling.

It was obvious that sometimes the words were said—on both sides—without the heart being involved. They were children, though, and that wasn’t surprising. We still wanted them to learn the biblical path to handling offenses and wrongs. We were helping our children develop a habit that we prayed would be heartfelt as they developed emotional and spiritual maturity, even if it that didn’t happen in childhood.

Homeschool Home Organization

As we conclude this series on siblings fighting, I want to emphasize again the innumerable benefits of an organized home. In this case, it will help you avoid the stress and heartaches that result from children quarreling. A peaceful, organized home guided with a schedule and effective chore system keeps family members productive, occupied, and often helps lift Mom’s burden of not only keeping a clean home and but also of having to deal with fighting children.

Here is a real-life example of that from a mom who had used Managers of Their Homes to help her develop a schedule.

“Today we were talking at dinner about our schedule when I asked the children how they felt about it. The seven-year-old said he likes having a schedule because it helps him behave better. Wanting to know more, I asked him why he would behave better on a schedule. He said, ‘Because everything has an order, and we know what to do. Also Mom is calmer, and I don’t fight with my brother so much.’

“The four-year-old said, ‘I like the schedule because there is a time for my brother to play with me so I don’t have to beg! And Mommy plays with me more.’” Kathy

If you don’t have a schedule or a successful chore system, I strongly suggest that you getManagers of Their Homes  and Managers of Their Chores , read, and implement them. They have helped tens of thousands of moms toward their goal of a peaceful, organized home, and I know they will help you as well.

If you have them, and aren’t currently utilizing what you have learned from them, summer is a great time to bring out your old friends, reread them, and put a schedule and chore system in place for the coming school year.

I know some days—or maybe most days—with little children, you feel like all you do is correct and redirect their behavior.  May I encourage you with this verse: “And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not” (Galatians 6:9). Your goal is children who love Jesus, love others, and live for Him. Oh what peace! Oh what joy! It is worth it! Be encouraged to stay the course!

Are They Fighting? – Part 2

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We are continuing a series of articles written to answer this question: “I read your articles about siblings. You said you did not allow hitting, pushing, etc. What did you do when it happened, and how do you prevent it???” If you haven’t read the articles the mom refers to, here is the link. You also might want to read part 1 of this series, which is found here.

Behavior Rules

Of course, with little children discussions, reasoning, and sharing Scripture are mostly preparation for the future. They don’t have the mental, emotional, or spiritual maturity to make decisions based on that information. So we had some specific rules, such as:

  • No hitting, pushing, or biting.
  • No name-calling.
  • No grabbing toys from one another.
  • Share kindly.
  • Speak sweetly.
  • Be loving.

Consistent Consequences

Then, if a child did one of the things they weren’t supposed to do—which was quite likely—we tried to be consistent with a consequence. Of course, the reality was that we didn’t observe each infraction nor were we 100% consistent with consequences even when we saw something that was wrong. But we certainly did try. “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

Chair Sitting

The consequences had to be simple because obviously there was more to life than correcting children. One consequence that we used frequently was for the child to sit for a specified time on a dining room chair. Now phones have timer apps, but back then I had a kitchen timer that I could set for five minutes. I placed it beside the child so he could watch his time counting down, and then he could get up when it beeped.

I found that to be a very easy consequence that I could use consistently. It separated the child from the problem, gave him time to reflect, kept him from doing something he would rather be doing, and generally provided a few minutes of peace. When the child got off the chair, if he went back to his play and once again wasn’t nice to a sibling, I put him back on the chair—for longer this time.

Dry Crusts and No Sweets

“Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). This verse was the inspiration of another consequence we used with our children. Here is a little background to help you understand: We purchased wheat berries, ground them into flour, and made fresh, nutritious bread for our family. Our children liked the inside pieces of bread, but not the outside crusts very much.

Rather than waste the crusts, I would dry them for breadcrumbs or croutons. One day, after reading Proverbs 17:1, Steve and I decided that we would use “dry morsels” (i.e. dry crusts) for a consequence when the children weren’t being kind to each other. I would have the child, or children, involved come to the dining room table and give each one a dry crust.

We would briefly discuss the applicable verse, explaining that we would rather eat dry crusts and have love demonstrated in our home than to be able to eat the delicious food we ate but have unkindness evident. This was a great real-life example of that verse. The dry crusts weren’t something they gagged on. They just didn’t prefer them. It removed the child from the problem for a space of time. In addition, it was actually healthy for them.

Sometimes when the children weren’t nice to each other we talked about the need for them to be sweet. For a consequence, we would take away their dessert. We didn’t have dessert all the time, so this consequence was only as effective as the frequency that we ate dessert.

If/Then Chart

A tool we found valuable in being consistent with consequences for the children is the If-Then Chart. While we didn’t develop the If/Then Chart, we now sell it because it was so helpful to me when our children were young. Part of the struggle I had as a mom in being consistent with consequences was knowing what consequence to give for a particular problem. With the If/Then Chart, those decisions were made. It was a simple matter for me to go to the If-Then Chart when a situation arose, read the verse to the child, and know what the consequence would be.

Certainly in a family we prefer unity, whether it is husband and wife, parents and children, or between the children themselves. Physically lashing out for what you want or in retaliation for what made you unhappy does not develop unity, and while it is typical of little children, it isn’t acceptable for older children or adults. We wanted our children to grow up knowing that such behavior was not only inappropriate, but it was simply unacceptable. They knew that was true not because Steve and I said it, but because it wasn’t pleasing to Jesus.

P. S. I just want to remind you that a schedule helps greatly with mitigating the problems that arise between siblings. It also allows Mom time to deal with the issues that do come up. If you aren’t already using a schedule, summer is a good time to get Managers of Their Homes, read it, try a modified summer schedule, and then be ready when school starts to have a full-fledged schedule.

Stress Busters – Part 4

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As we wrap up the stress busters series, I would like to consider a stress buster that ties in with stress buster 1, which was using a schedule. Have you ever had a nightmare that involved being back in school? Maybe it went a little like this: It was time for a test, but with a pounding heart you suddenly realized that you hadn’t studied for it. Maybe it wasn’t a dream. Perhaps that is what really happened when you were in school. Stress comes when we are unprepared or not keeping up. What is the antidote for that stress? Being consistent!

If you have consistent study habits—a set time and a set place and you actually study—you will be prepared for the test without feeling stressed. However, if you allow other activities and interruptions to steal away that study time, you will likely feel stress not only as you approach the test but also when you take it.

A Surprising Stress-Buster

Consistency eliminates stress by preparing us for what is ahead and keeping us from falling behind. That was one key to the success of Roald Amundsen, the famous explorer of arctic regions in the early 1900s, who was the first to reach the South Pole. Amundsen was consistent as he prepared for his expedition. In addition, while trekking overland toward the pole, he kept a consistent pace on good days. On bad days, if there was any possibility at all of forward movement, he started out and went whatever distance he could go, even if it wasn’t far.

In contrast, Robert Scott, Amundsen’s English competitor who was also trying to reach the South Pole, took cover in the bad weather and pushed too hard when the weather allowed travel, wearing his crew out. Amundsen’s commitment to covering at least a few miles on bad days and keeping to a reasonable pace for a reasonable distance on good days—consistency—added up over the course of his journey. It is a little like the fable of the tortoise and the hare.

Pretty much universally, moms like a clean, organized, well-managed home. As busy moms, we will find that being consistent in our housework means that we aren’t falling behind, we have a livable environment, and if guests drop by, we aren’t embarrassed—definite stress busters!

Chore consistency is demonstrated by a master chore list, chore assignments, and a chore schedule that is being utilized. Then we know what should be done, who will do it, and when it will be accomplished. If this is an area of need for you, we would recommend Managers of Their Chores, where we give you direction for setting up and implementing a successful chore plan.

Consistency in Homeschooling

Consider consistency in homeschooling for those who are homeschool moms. It is the mom who consistently tackles schoolwork day by day who reaches the end of the school year with school books completed and children who have progressed educationally, prepared for their standardized tests should those be required. It is the mom who isn’t consistent in her school time who will experience the stress involved in getting behind in school. That stress is a great discourager.

“Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest” (Proverbs 6:6-8). We see ants busily going about their acquisition of food and building their homes. They are consistently working away day by day, and even though they are very small, their consistency enables their survival.

There are many interruptions in our days—interruptions that can cause stress. However, if we see the importance of consistency, we continue to tackle those tasks that are before us, not allowing the interruptions to sidetrack us, or at least not to pull us away for long. When they do pull us off track, we aren’t stressed because we have had steady accomplishment and know we will be right back on track soon.

Consistency in sleep gives us one of the most important ingredients for stress resistance—energy! Something as simple as going to bed at the same time and getting up at the same time every day allows you to get the sleep you need and to accomplish necessary tasks each morning without falling behind. If you don’t go to bed in time, then the morning arrives and you don’t want to get up, and you’re sluggish when you do. Instantly stress is a part of your day, before you even put your feet on the ground.

You might ask, What if the children are awake in the night, and I am up with them? I would suggest that for consistency at those times, you go ahead and get up at the usual time. Then plan to take a nap in the afternoon to make up for the lost nighttime sleep.

“So built we the wall; and all the wall was joined together unto the half thereof: for the people had a mind to work” (Nehemiah 4:6). When Nehemiah returned to Jerusalem to rebuild it, he set his people to work. They tenaciously tackled first one part of the wall and then another because the people were willing to work. It is quite possible that consistency is closely tied to work. Perhaps most, if not all, consistency requires work.

What about us? Are we willing to work, or are we looking for ways to avoid it? Chores are work. Making meals is work. Laundry is work. Homeschooling is work. Even going to bed and getting up on time is a form of work—the work of self-discipline.

In the priorities the Lord has given to me, I want to be like Nehemiah or Amundsen—consistent. I am sure that consistency will be part of eliminating stress for me, and it will move me forward toward the goals I have. I like that idea, and I believe it is worth investing in consistency.

Stress Busters – Part 3

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Stress is all around us. It mocks us when we try to do something on our computers, and it won’t work. It attacks us in difficult relationships. It pressures us when there seems to be too much to do. It confronts us when we face obstacles in life that appear unsolvable. What are we to do about all that stress?

Put Into Practice

In Part 2  we discussed the importance of God’s Word as we deal with stress. However, even if we read our Bibles eight hours a day, if we never practice anything we learn, stress could still be our taskmaster. “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves” (James 1:22).  I can’t help but wonder if being a doer of the Word in regards to stress means being a woman of prayer. Here’s why I think that.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). If I were to put that first part in my own words, I might say, “Don’t let anything stress you. Instead lay those potentially stressful situations before the Lord in prayer!”

The antidote for stress is prayer, supplication, and thanksgiving. Prayer is talking to God. Supplication is humbly asking Him for something. Thanksgiving is being grateful.

I had one goal for this week—to write the monthly Mom’s Corner—but here’s what happened. Monday we were preparing for a birthday. Two girls were gone helping a family who just had a baby, leaving me with a much larger portion of the preparation than I usually have. Tuesday I was catching up with e-mail because of Saturday’s Titus 2 prayer and fasting day. Wednesday and Thursday I had two very sick daughters with a stomach virus whom I was nursing while covering their part of the household work. That left Friday as the Mom’s Corner writing day. In the morning I had house cleaning to do, but the afternoon was available

Instead of sitting down at my computer when it was the right time and beginning the Mom’s Corner, I decided to quickly download an e-book Steve and I wanted to read together. When I went to download it, though, I couldn’t get it to work. As I spent more time fiddling with it, I began to feel stressed since I wasn’t moving on to my main goal of writing.

Danger of Avoiding Prayer

I will confess. I didn’t pray. I just kept pushing my efforts through while experiencing those stressful feelings. I wonder what would have happened if I had prayed. It might have gone like this: “Lord Jesus, You know that I really want to write the Mom’s Corner this afternoon, and I also would like to have this book ready for Steve and me to read tonight. I can’t get this book to download, and it is taking longer than I wanted it to take. Thank You, Jesus, for my computer. Thank You that I found the book as a free download. Would You please help me?”

I expect the Lord would have encouraged me to drop the book download and write the Mom’s Corner, going back to the download when the article was completed. After all, the Mom’s Corner was the priority. It is possible He might have directed me to the solution for the computer issue so I would have had the book available at bedtime when Steve and I read together for a little bit. At the least, I would have known that I was doing what He wanted me to do—praying. It would have made a difference in the way I experienced the stress. Instead, though, we often battle through the stress on our own, just like I did in this situation.

The Lord doesn’t want me to carry stress. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Do I really believe that? Do you? If I do, then I will give Him my cares through prayer.

“Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Did you ever wonder, when you come to that verse, how one prays without ceasing? We have discussed that as a family, and the more we learn about prayer, the more it appears the “praying without ceasing” is an attitude of prayer in everything. It is there when trying to download an e-book or write a Mom’s Corner. It is part of nursing sick loved ones. It undergirds decisions. It cries out for wisdom and grace when interacting with a grumbly, whining child.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3). Does perfect peace sound like the opposite of stressed to you? It sure does to me. I love that picture of a mom whose heart has perfect peace. I can just see her now. The house is full of children running here and there. She is in the midst of trying to get dinner on the table. The baby begins crying, but she has a sweet smile on her face because her heart has perfect peace. I desire that in my life, and I am sure you do as well. Sadly, in that situation, too often I know I had the furrows of a frown on my face as I stoically accomplished what needed to be done.

We stay our minds on God by praying. We pray because we trust that He cares for us and wants our cares cast on Him. We believe His Word. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I doubt I will get it right every time, but I sure do like smiles better than frowns, peace better than anxiety, and praying better than stressing. “The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth” (Psalm 145:18). Will you call on Him and experience the power that prayer has as a stress buster?

Stress Busters – Part 2

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Stress manages to worm its way into our lives stealthily through daily living or by force when major events hit us. Either way, stress takes a toll—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My desire is to learn better and better how to eliminate, and properly respond to, potential stress. I think that’s your goal as well. The next stress buster I would like to consider is daily time reading the Bible.

Stress Answers for Moms

Do you believe that the answers and godly responses to the stressors in our lives come from God’s Word? “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Psalm 119:105). “Through thy precepts I get understanding: therefore I hate every false way” (Psalm 119:104). If this is true, why is it that we have such trouble being in the Word each day? I have struggled to be faithful in reading my Bible at times.

When Steve and I were saved just a couple of years after being married, we became solid church attenders—Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night. We read our Bibles regularly, but we didn’t have a daily Bible-reading habit established in our lives.

I remember a few years later hearing a preacher teach on the importance of being in God’s Word every day. It was convicting, and I agreed with the Scriptures he used and the truth he presented. I desired that for my life. At the end of the message, with every head bowed and every eye closed, he wanted us to make a vow to read our Bibles every day for at least five minutes and then testify to that by raising our hands. I was not willing to make a vow because I thought I might not keep it. As the invitation lingered, I felt a bit of guilt that I wouldn’t make the vow and raise my hand, but I stuck with my decision.

Daily Time in God’s Word

Now, thirty years later, I can tell you that by God’s grace I have not missed a personal daily Bible time for twenty-five years. It wasn’t a vow that allowed that to happen but the reality of the vital connection the Word gives us with our Savior. First, I found that I simply desired fellowship with my Lord Jesus. “As the hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God” (Psalm 42:1). Then I realized that if I were to become the woman God wanted me to be, I needed to grow in the grace of Jesus Christ. I had to crave the Word of God just as a baby craves milk. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious” (1 Peter 2:2-3).

Finally, Steve and I knew that we had to make up our minds to be in the Word every day. It had to become a non-negotiable part of our day. “These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so” (Acts 17:11). Hit and miss didn’t work because it was simply too easy to make excuses to put it off to another day. Each day became a ping-pong debate of “Will I or won’t I?” with the resulting negative consequences of a day without spiritual feeding if the decision was that I wouldn’t.

In my busiest times of homeschooling plus being pregnant and having babies, it would have seemed reasonable not to have had personal, daily time in the Word. I found, though, that during those seasons I needed daily spiritual nourishment even more than at other times. It almost seemed a necessity for me to figure out ways to make daily Bible time a reality, and as I cried out to the Lord, He helped me.

It might not surprise you to know that we like using schedules at our house. We have a set time to get up in the morning that allows us thirty minutes of personal Bible-reading time. Sometimes life interferes with those normal schedules, but we still make a wake-up plan in order to have our time in the Word. If we get up later, time in the Word comes first and other parts of the day are skipped. Even if we have an extra-early event, we get up that much earlier to be able to be in the Word. For example, when we are in Colorado in the summer, we will usually climb a 14,000-foot peak or two. To be able to summit and get back down in the trees before the afternoon thunderstorms hit, we often have to be on the trail at 4:00 a.m. Since the trailhead generally isn’t close to our lodging, we might have an hour-long, or more, drive to it. That means we set our alarms to get up as early as 1:30 a.m. in order to have time in the Word and be ready for our hike before we leave.

Time Management Almost Creates Times

If you want to have time reading your Bible, but you really aren’t sure where to read or how to make that time practical and applicable to your life, then I would suggest reading Sweet Journey.

If you struggle with a schedule that will let you have Bible-reading time, I recommend Managers of Their Homes. Almost universally, when a mom puts together a schedule she carves out time to be in the Word. That schedule not only sets aside the time she needs but gives her accountablility and routine to make it sustainable.

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night” (Psalm 1:1-2). As I face my stressors, I need God’s blessing, strength, and grace. Do you?