Category Archives: Dad’s Corner

Needed Ingredients

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A common heart’s desire I hear from homeschooling parents is to raise children who will love and serve the Lord Jesus. That is our desire as well. I believe this is a major reason why families invest their time and money to home educate their children. However, as critical as homeschooling is to raising men and women of God, homeschooling by itself will fall short.

Logic would wonder who could be a better father than the man of God, Eli the high priest, and what better place to raise one’s children than in “God’s house”? With those things going for them, Eli’s sons should have been dynamic, on-fire followers of God. Yet, 1 Samuel 2:12 tells us: “Now the sons of Eli were sons of Belial; they knew not the LORD.” Hophni and Phinehas, Eli’s sons, were priests in Shiloh. They would take the fat and flesh from the pots of the Israelites contrary to God’s Word to satisfy their covetous hearts. In addition, they were immoral, and God took notice. “Wherefore the sin of the young men was very great before the LORD: for men abhorred the offering of the LORD” (1 Samuel 2:17).

The people reported the sons’ conduct to Eli. We learn much about Eli’s life and parenting by how he responds to this information. “Now Eli was very old, and heard all that his sons did unto all Israel; and how they lay with the women that assembled at the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And he said unto them, Why do ye such things? for I hear of your evil dealings by all this people. Nay, my sons; for it is no good report that I hear: ye make the LORD’S people to transgress. If one man sin against another, the judge shall judge him: but if a man sin against the LORD, who shall intreat for him? Notwithstanding they hearkened not unto the voice of their father, because the LORD would slay them” (1 Samuel 2:22-25). Can you believe that all Eli could bring himself to do was to lecture his sons? Where was his passion? Where was his fear of God? Where was his love for his God and sons?

This account of Eli and his sons, though more extreme, bears similarities to many Christian families. It seems the popular assumption today is that if we are religious parents who bring our children to church frequently, the children will turn out all right. This hasn’t worked in the past, and it will not work now, even if we have made the important choice to homeschool them. If our vision for our children is that they be dynamic followers of Jesus Christ, we must be committed to do whatever is in our power to help them get there.

First and foremost, each child needs a relationship with God through Jesus Christ. “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me” (John 14:6). It isn’t enough that Dad and Mom are believers. Each child must have a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. Each has to come to a place of acknowledging that he is a sinner and, before God, repent of his sin. Then he should see Jesus’ death on the cross, burial, and resurrection as the solution to his sin. However, our jobs don’t stop once our children are saved. Salvation is just the beginning of the journey.

The children have to be discipled by Dad and Mom to learn what life in Christ is all about. It appears that perhaps Eli failed in discipling his sons. We can tell from this account that Eli and his sons were focused on the flesh’s pleasure. Eli was very overweight when he died, and Scripture indicates this condition had come from Eli’s coveting food and physical pleasure, “. . . to make yourselves fat with the chiefest of all the offerings . . . “ (1 Samuel 2:29). His sons followed their father in his fleshly appetites while also taking them to new levels. They demonstrated the natural tendency children have to expand the appetites of their parents with less restraint. It would be beneficial to examine our lives and identify wrong appetites because we can expect to see these amplified in our children.

Subtly Satan has convinced believers today that as long as we attend church, we can still live for most all the world has to offer. If we stay away from the bad sin, it is all okay. Most of the “church” today thinks that everything “neutral” is fine and only wicked things are to be avoided.

Instead of listening to the world, we want to look at what God’s Word says about so-called neutral things: “. . . they have provoked me to anger with their vanities . . .” (Deuteronomy 32:21). The Hebrew word for vanities is hebel and means “breath as a transitory thing, emptiness or idols.” God is saying that because of the pursuit of empty, worthless things, He is angered. “And turn ye not aside: for then should ye go after vain things, which cannot profit nor deliver; for they are vain” (1 Samuel 12:21).

The tragic result of parents who follow after the world and vanity is that their children are being pulled into the world just as Eli’s sons were. To avoid this, children must see Jesus Christ alive and at work in Dad and Mom’s life. They have to be part of spending quality family time together reading the Bible every night rather than seeing a parent’s example of following after the world and its entertainment. The beauty of the abiding life in Christ should become desirable to our children because of its truth in our lives, and we must flee the pleasurable vanities that are being embraced.

Eli had a reverence for God as evidenced by the way he instructed Samuel to respond to the Lord when He called, but he didn’t have a fear of the Lord (1 Samuel 3:9). If Eli had possessed a fear of God, he would have chastened his sons when he learned what they were doing. There would have been consequences for his sons’ sin, such as removing them from their offices of priesthood or perhaps something even more severe. He would have used the authority that God had entrusted to him as the high priest with his sons just as he would have if they hadn’t been his sons. The prophet God sent to deliver the message to Eli made it clear that Eli preferred his sons over God. “Wherefore kick ye at my sacrifice and at mine offering, which I have commanded in my habitation; and honourest thy sons above me . . . ?” (1 Samuel 2:29).

After our love for the Lord, fearing Him is one of the next most important aspects in discipling our children. Fear of God and His chastening is a wonderful hindrance to sin. “If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?” (Hebrews 12:7). God chastens His children. Based on this verse, among others, and Israel’s past, I believe if we don’t experience chastening, we either aren’t saved or we are spiritually asleep and not aware of the chastening we are receiving. It would be wonderful if we didn’t receive chastening, but each of us is still in the flesh, and as long as that is the case, we can expect to be chastened. “Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit” (John 15:2). Hopefully, there will be fewer instances of it as we mature in Christ, but it is a good thing to recognize chastening and share it with the family.

When we tell the family that we have been chastened by the Lord, it will help the children to grow in fear of the Lord. I believe that talking about our personal sin and disobedience, with discretion, is almost as important as sharing the mighty works that God does in and for the family. In Deuteronomy 29, Moses forewarns what disobedience will cost Israel. In Acts 7, Stephen reminds the Jews of their ongoing disobedience and chastening. As I listen to and observe families, I have come to believe that the fact that God chastens His children isn’t being taught in homes.

“Gather the people together, men, and women, and children, and thy stranger that is within thy gates, that they may hear, and that they may learn, and fear the LORD your God, and observe to do all the words of this law: And that their children, which have not known any thing, may hear, and learn to fear the LORD your God, as long as ye live in the land whither ye go over Jordan to possess it” (Deuteronomy 31:12-13).

One important point to teach our children is that God does not always chasten immediately. God is so patient and long-suffering, giving us time to repent of our sin, that we can often think He isn’t going to chasten us. We must help our children not to confuse long-suffering with overlooking.

I have developed a passion about this topic because of the struggles families share with me all the time—conservative, Christian families who desperately want children who love Jesus Christ and serve Him. They are blind to the fact that their heart’s desire for their children has not matched the example of their lives nor their own investment into their children’s lives. I walked that path in my earlier Christian life and parenting, but I never want to return there. I can’t describe to you the joy and spiritual growth our family experiences as a result of our nightly time in the Word, and the freedom in our hearts as we have let go of the self-focus of entertainment. With all my heart, I want the same for you and your family.

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Posted in: Dad's Corner

Don’t Let Balaam Seduce You

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“Several years ago my husband and I got rid of the TV. Over the last year my husband has been traveling a lot for his job. Since this has happened, he has started watching TV and movies again because TV and movies are everywhere as you travel. I have seen him slowly give up his godly convictions and be pulled back into the world and its entertainments. He says there is nothing wrong with it and even gets angry if anyone encourages against these things.

“I pray for him all the time. I know God can get to his heart. I just don’t understand God’s timing. It breaks my heart, and I worry now about the kids. We still do not have TV at home, yet when my husband is home he has a little hand-held video game player that also plays movies. He spends most of his evenings with it, so the kids see Dad’s heart drawn to this.

“I want my kids not to be drawn into this, and I also want to be a submissive, loving spouse. What can I do, though, to protect the kids and submit to my husband? I know that I can’t be his ‘Holy Spirit.’ I can’t make him stop desiring the world’s entertainment. I just wonder if only one parent (and being the parent who is not to be the leader) can make enough of an influence on the kids that they will choose to follow God wholeheartedly and not turn to the world’s pleasures. Do you have any ideas on what I could do?” Excerpts from a concerned mom’s e-mail (used with permission)

Because my articles are addressed to the fathers, I am not answering this mom’s questions. However, I want to use her situation, which is quite common in the e-mails I receive, to try to grab fathers’ hearts and attention. I would love to see the solution to this mom’s problem be a husband who is convicted of his sin, repents, draws close to the Lord Jesus Christ, and brings his family along with him. We men have to see the seriousness of our personal choices on not only our own lives but also on the lives of our families.

One reason e-mails like this are such a heartbreak to me is that they remind me of the problems Israel encountered in Joshua, chapter seven. After the God-given victory of the Israelites over Jericho, Israel is defeated by the much smaller city of Ai with a consequence of thirty-six Israelite lives lost. How could Israel experience such a conquest of Jericho but humiliation by Ai? This story presents an example to us of how God’s people are defeated both by their love of the world and by their disobedience to God.

Before Israel attacked Jericho, they were told that they could only take silver, gold, brass, and iron and then put it into the treasury of the Lord (Joshua 6:18-19). The Lord was very specific in His command. Conquering the city would have been a horrific job because it involved killing everyone except Rahab’s family. I can’t imagine how difficult it would have been to carry out those commands, particularly regarding the young and old. Some of the Israelite soldiers may even have questioned what they were told to do. However, those were God’s instructions.

In Joshua chapter 7, we read that the Lord’s anger was kindled because Achan took from Jericho that which was accursed. Achan confessed: “When I saw among the spoils a goodly Babylonish garment, and two hundred shekels of silver, and a wedge of gold of fifty shekels weight, then I coveted them, and took them; and, behold, they are hid in the earth in the midst of my tent, and the silver under it” (Joshua 7:21). Achan loved the world; he looked, he coveted, and then he disobeyed the Lord’s direction.

Were there any consequences for Achan or his family? Following Achan’s confession and retrieving of the forbidden items, they took his family and everything he owned to the valley of Achor. Then we read: “And Joshua said, Why hast thou troubled us? the LORD shall trouble thee this day. And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones” (Joshua 7:25).

I wish with all my being that I could tell the mom who wrote the e-mail that her husband’s choices would not impact the children. However, I honestly believe that the terrifying and heartbreaking reality is that every father has tremendous influence in the lives of his family, and he can cause them great suffering—even destruction. That is the price of leadership and the way God has ordained it.

I also can see that God had a greater purpose in Achan and his family’s death than simply punishing Achan. I think He was using them as an object lesson for the rest of the nation. The Israelite men not only were to stone Achan but also his whole family, children included. I can hardly imagine the agony those men experienced as they killed Achan’s family. I expect out of that pain, though, was born a prayer in each man’s heart that would go something like this: “Lord God, please may I follow You wholeheartedly and never bring this on my family.”

Now let’s look at a stark contrast found in Joshua 5:13-15. “And it came to pass, when Joshua was by Jericho, that he lifted up his eyes and looked, and, behold, there stood a man over against him with his sword drawn in his hand: and Joshua went unto him, and said unto him, Art thou for us, or for our adversaries? And he said, Nay; but as captain of the host of the LORD am I now come. And Joshua fell on his face to the earth, and did worship, and said unto him, What saith my lord unto his servant? And the captain of the LORD’S host said unto Joshua, Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy. And Joshua did so.”

The captain of the Lord’s host was likely the Lord Jesus Christ because, if he had been an angel, Joshua would not have been permitted to worship him. Joshua has his face in the dirt worshipping the Lord, and the Lord tells Joshua to do something strange. He commands Joshua to take off his sandals because it is holy ground. Joshua is already showing he knows this is a holy moment and that complete reverence is called for, yet that wasn’t enough. Joshua’s sandals would have had the “dirt of the world” on them, and they were to be removed.

Joshua didn’t argue. Joshua didn’t say, “But Lord, I’m already lying on my face in the dirt. What is wrong with my sandals?” Joshua chose to obey what his Lord told him to do at that moment and as he led Israel.

Can you picture the delight of the mom mentioned at the beginning of the Corner if her husband were to say he has recognized the destruction in his life and his children’s lives of his worldly pursuits? What a joy it would be to her to have her husband stop watching TV when he travels and throw out his hand-held video game player. What would her heart do if he desired to lead his family in worship and spend time with them? No longer would she be torn by her biblical command to submit versus wanting to have a family who follows God wholeheartedly. Don’t we fathers want more in life than to pursue personal pleasure and then reap the consequences of it?

Dads, what I am convinced is needed is the fear and realization that our families will be blessed or suffer as a result of how we lead. God is not to be blamed. We aren’t robots, but we are to make right and obedient choices. It isn’t our wives’ fault that they aren’t praying enough for us, or that they aren’t submissive enough. We own fully the choices we make. If a dad is saved, the Holy Spirit will be convicting of sin. Dad will either listen and obey, or grieve the Holy Spirit by pursuing the world and the lust of the flesh.

As fathers, we can choose to be a Joshua who obediently removes his sandals soiled by the world. We can bless our families through this kind of leadership. However, we can also choose to be an Achan, who ignores God’s command while destroying himself and his family. As fathers we have a choice set before us: we can follow Achan’s example or Joshua’s. May deep conviction from the Holy Spirit be at work in all of our hearts as we follow our Lord Jesus Christ.

Balaam Rides Again

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This week Joseph and John worked alongside a number of other men pouring the basement floor of our house. The owner of the business doing the concrete work is saved and had asked if our boys could help because he was shorthanded. He said he had also spoken with his men, and they would be careful of their language. It wasn’t something I would consider for any great length of time, but for a portion of a day and considering I’d be around some of the time, I agreed.

At one point while I was observing the progress of the work, one of the men spoke with me briefly. He was very complimentary of the boys and asked what we had done to raise boys like that. I said there were three very important aspects in our child raising. First and foremost is the Lord Jesus Christ in their lives. Second is the Word of God. Third is that the children don’t watch any TV or movies.

He looked at me and said, “Now that is pretty incredible. No TV! It makes sense though.” This man is a believer and knows many young men who are believers. He saw something different in our boys. I’m the first to say that we are nothing special. However, removing bad influences from children is very important so as not to quench the Word working in their lives.

Sunday I had another conversation, and it was somewhat similar. I was speaking with a gentleman who has lived a few more years than I have. He expressed his concern regarding how worldly some believers were that he had had contact with the previous week. His heart was deeply grieved about it, and he wondered why our children weren’t like that.

I had roughly the same explanation for him. When I attributed credit to the Lord Jesus, being in the Word daily, and NO TV, he started scratching his chin and said that had to be it. He began comparing his now-grown children and evaluating a period of time when he didn’t have a TV to later in life when he did. He said he could see a remarkable difference, now that he was thinking about it.

“And the LORD spake unto Moses in the plains of Moab by Jordan near Jericho, saying, Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them, When ye are passed over Jordan into the land of Canaan; Then ye shall drive out all the inhabitants of the land from before you, and destroy all their pictures, and destroy all their molten images, and quite pluck down all their high places” (Numbers 33:50-52). As I read this passage recently, I noticed how the Lord was very specific in His instructions for when they conquered Canaan. They were to drive out the inhabitants, destroy their pictures, their idols, and places of idol worship.

Pictures are very powerful in how they can influence, and God said the Israelites were to get rid of the pictures. God knew the effect it would have on the Israelites, and that is why the pictures were to be destroyed. Those pictures would have been nothing compared to the sizzle of today’s TV programs. Yet God said to destroy them because He wanted to protect His children from being pulled to the world.

That is why my heart breaks for families who choose to watch TV or movies and think that it won’t harm them. Our world is in love with flesh, and today’s clothing is designed to show off as much as possible. From my discussions with parents, immodesty is pandemic in the churches. Why is there not an outcry about it? I’m confident it is because that is what is being portrayed on TV, and since that is the norm, everyone is willing to accept it. If the immodesty was to go beyond what was on TV, then there would be an outcry, but as long as it goes no further, it is accepted.

A while ago, I had another startling reminder of the power of influence. I had some interactions with a few young, homeschooled adults whom I had not seen in years. Previously, they had been conservative in their dress and behavior. Yet, their appearance and actions had now changed drastically, and in my opinion, were very worldly. How could this be? It is all about the influence in their lives.

For these young people, it had to do with the others with whom they were interacting. The change didn’t happen overnight, but in time, they had begun to look like their friends. We can be sure that our children are going to want to emulate those by whom they are impressed.

TV, subtly but definitively, grabs the hearts of our children. That is one reason why the TV is such a powerful influence. There is a reason why advertisers spend billions of dollars for TV ads. They work! They influence the people who watch the commercials. The same is true regarding the TV shows themselves. Children identify with certain stars and then want to wear similar clothes (or unclothes), adopt similar hairstyles, and model their speech and actions. The parents then wonder what happened to their child. Why does the child no longer listen to Mom and Dad?

As we travel we meet families who are not worldly, and their lives radiate the Lord Jesus. I haven’t asked every one of them, but for those I’ve asked, they don’t watch TV or movies. Is it a coincidence? I don’t think so. Getting the Beast out of the home is a wonderful first step, and it will take courage. With the Beast out, it is important that you are in the Word as a family every day. Structure your evening around your time in the Word. It will become the best time of the day.

Be cautious even if you don’t watch TV and movies in your family because, vicariously, through friends who do watch it, your children can be pulled to the world’s standards for clothing, entertainment, attitudes, and heart focus. If you have chosen to eliminate the influence of a TV in your home, but your children are spending time with those who are following the world’s path, they may still be significantly moved that way as well.

Balaam couldn’t curse the Israelites (Numbers 23:11), but he wreaked havoc on them by suggesting the Moabite woman lure the Israelite men away. “Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD” (Numbers 31:16). Seeking pleasure did what an army couldn’t do. In Numbers 25 we see that 24,000 Israelites were killed by plague because they followed after the Moabite women and were led into idolatry.

In the same way today, the children of the King, those who are to reach the world for Jesus, have been effectively slain or hamstrung so that there is no power. TV and the worldly, entertainment mindset it promotes, such as Super Bowl games, pizza parties, bowling parties, ski trips, lock-downs, and movies, have won the hearts of God’s people. Yes, Balaam rides again.

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Leading in Which Direction?

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We received this Corner request, which is long, but I felt it was so common in families that it would be good to share it fully. The author details two families in which she is observing serious problems.

“My topic request is about a wife submitting when the husband is not where he should be spiritually, though he is a Christian. There are two situations that I’m thinking of. In both, it seems that the husband makes many decisions hastily and under pressure from older children, and oftentimes the wife/children are unprotected due to his lack of wisdom/protection in the situation.

“In one case, over time the wife has become the conservative one and the husband more liberal. The children have learned to view Dad as easy and Mom as hard. The mom desperately wants to submit to her husband, but she is heartbroken at the lack of leadership/protection he’s giving and the consequences of some of his decisions. It’s very difficult for her to stay sweet and submissive when she feels her husband is making major mistakes in allowing worldly influences into their home, especially since he doesn’t seem to see his part in this. Also, he gets angry easily and often intimidates the wife and children into submission, even when she feels it could lead to spiritual or physical destruction.

“The other situation is similar, but the father is pretty strong outwardly. He is oftentimes harsh and wants to be respected as the leader, but doesn’t seem to be led of God in many situations. How can a wife/children joyfully submit when the direction the father is leading seems to be to their spiritual, emotional, and even physical destruction? Both of these families know about God’s authority structure and truly want to live submissive lives under the authority God’s given them, but are struggling with the lack of sheltering the authority is providing.

“Thank you for tackling this tough, but growing, problem among many Christian families.” A troubled mom

How incredibly difficult it can be for a wife to submit to her husband. “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body” (Ephesians 5:23). It would be so good for each dad to consider what it is like for his wife to submit to him. Our head is the Lord Jesus Christ. The question is: how much are we submitting to Him? The less we submit to Christ, the more difficult it is for our wives and children to submit to us.

Weekly, we receive e-mails from heartbroken wives who are desperately trying to submit to their husbands. They are asking us how to do that when the husband is in love with the world and not obeying the Lord Jesus. To clarify, these are usually churchgoing, professing-Christian men who would not consider themselves in love with the world, but in reality their actions/decisions betray them. Think about how difficult that becomes for the wife who has vowed to obey her husband. She sees the bad seeds being planted in the children’s life because of Dad’s choices, and she knows they will likely lose their children to the world because of it. She pours out her life for the family every day knowing it will likely be wasted because of her husband. This Corner request is typical of the e-mails we receive, and it breaks our hearts.

I am confident that most dads in this category would not consider themselves a blight to their family. If only there was a way to wake them up to the fact that it isn’t their opinion that matters, but what the Lord has to say about their leadership. A good example is from a man after God’s own heart, David. Nathan the prophet is telling David what God has sent him to say after David took Bathsheba and had Uriah killed. “Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife” (2 Samuel 12:10). David would never have considered himself to have despised his God, but God said he did because of his disobedience and sin. Dads, we despise God when we don’t follow Him. It brought ruin to David’s family, and it will bring ruin to ours.

In the same way, most dads would not consider themselves a friend of the world. But when others on the outside (or the wife) observe Dad’s decisions, it becomes obvious. God is clear that anyone who is a friend of (has affection for) the world is His enemy. “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4).

Husbands are to submit to the Lord as they lead their families, but are we aware of the stumbling block we place in the path of our wives when we are poor leaders? Everyone will make mistakes, but all too often these days the husband is the weak link in the home. Instead of Dad being strong in the faith, the servant/leader man of God, the one clinging to the Word and guarding his family, he is the one who wants to watch TV and movies and spend the remainder of his free time on other entertainment and recreation. The fruit brought forth in the lives of the children are evil temptations and worldly appetites. These will lead them to be either carnal Christians or lost and headed for hell. That is a fearful responsibility for Dad to bear. There is a day coming when each of us will stand before God and give an account of our lives.

Often Dad plants the seeds of destruction when he is to be the saviour of the body as we read above in Ephesians 5:23. “Saviour” means deliverer and protector. Sadly, Dad is often the one who, by worldly decisions, is the one corrupting the children. I’m not describing a situation where the children just receive a “lower spiritual grade” because of this bad fruit; I am urging you to consider that Dad’s life will have influence in where the child spends eternity and how or if he lives for Christ.

I believe that is why the Lord Jesus is so incredibly strong in Matthew 18:6: “But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.” The word offend means to cause a believer to question or weaken his faith or even to deny Jesus.

In the verse I just referred to, the phrase, “little ones which believe in me” is a type, meaning one who is saved. But if it is that serious how Dad influences those saved in the home, how much more serious it is if the children haven’t been saved, and Dad’s influence affirms their lost path to hell! Many children may never believe if Dad’s influence is sufficiently worldly.

I believe this verse also applies to dads who cause their wives to stumble. Can you see why so many moms are brokenhearted and stumble themselves? We have seen them question how God could allow this in their family, and that can lead to bitterness toward God. I believe that is a dangerous position to be in both for Mom and her husband who caused her to stumble.

This is such a serious thing, but many of the dads who need to hear this would never consider that it applies to them. They might be teaching Sunday School, leading a Bible study, singing on a worship team, and even serving as a deacon or elder. Somehow the outwardly religious ones are often the worst. God is not impressed with our religious service. “Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity” (Matthew 7:21-23). Like David we can even have a heart after God, but not be following Him. God wants our obedience.

Anger is also very prevalent in professing Christian homes. Anger is poison to relationships because you can’t get close to a person who could “explode” any minute (We have a CD titled Anger-Relationship Poison). “But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth” (Colossians 3:8). Paul, by the Holy Spirit, would not tell us to put it away if we weren’t able to. Just like a boss who bullies his employees around by his temper, Dad will be harsh and demanding and use his anger to get his way. Oh, may God have mercy on those families.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). So many men’s prayers are hindered because they are not honoring the heart cry of their wives. To honor I mean to listen carefully to her concerns, take them to the Lord in prayer and search Scripture, and then obey the Lord’s direction.

These situations are so troubling. What many dads need is a “trip to the woodshed.” God’s longsuffering should never be confused with God’s acceptance. There are consequences, and the greatest heartbreak is when the consequences fall on the innocent in the family. The solution is for Dad to repent, throw the world out of the home, get right with God, and obey. Critical to this is reading the Bible EVERY morning and leading the family in a daily time in the Word.

What is it like to be yoked to “ourselves”? Are we a blight or a blessing? Do we honor our wives and families? Do we make it easy and a joy for our wives to submit to us? Are we the spiritual leaders and protectors they need that will draw them into an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ? May we be true men of God, serving and obeying Him wholeheartedly.

Praying with Your Wife

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The title and content of this Dad’s Corner was suggested by a dad in an e-mail in which he writes:

“In the January 2007 Dad’s Corner, you mention praying with your wife is so important. You were very clear on the importance of prayer time (the ‘Why’) but my question is more the ‘How.’ I have always been unsure what this means. You did give some hinting that it is ‘conversational’ for you, which is the first inkling of understanding of what it means ‘to pray’ with your wife. I have always heard people say they pray with their wives yet no one has really explained it. I would like to pray with her, but don’t know how. My ideas of prayer and hers are vastly different. She would be on her knees, possibly, and I would be rather inclined to have a conversational approach discussing the day, the children, herself, etc. Does punctuating the conversation with ‘In Jesus’ Name’ classify the conversation as a prayer time?

“It would be so helpful for me, and maybe others, who are unsure of how to start a prayer time with their spouse, to gain some insight into what specifically IS prayer time. I did not grow up with parents or a church or anyone to teach me these things, and so I am now 38 years old, married eight years with three children, and playing catch-up with the feeling of wondering and guessing and trying to decipher what it all means from a practical, applicational approach. Praying with your wife 101, if you will.” A Wanting-to-Pray Dad

I appreciate this dad! Whewwww! How the “church” and families would be strengthened if our country was filled with men like this, who are committed to following Christ, even if they need a little help. The implication in the e-mail is that if he understands how to pray with his wife, he will do it. Amen. I will make my best effort to explain what praying with one’s wife is to me, although I’m confident there are many others who are far better suited to share what they do. I ask that you give me some grace in this as there can be as many different approaches to this as there are men reading this Corner. I am not saying this is the only way to pray with your wife, but I am sharing how Teri and I pray together.

Back in the 80s, Teri and I read a book on marriage that suggested husbands and wives pray together. If we remembered the name of the book and the author, we would tell you in order to give proper credit. I can’t even say that how we pray now is how the author suggested since it is likely we adapted their ideas to the way we wanted to implement them. The fact that we have been praying together for over twenty years has been a wonderful blessing from the Lord. It has enriched and strengthened our marriage due to bringing our spirits closer to our Lord Jesus and to each other.

First, it is a high priority of mine to be in bed before 10:30 p.m. on weekdays. I know that if I’m not getting enough sleep, my morning time in the Word will suffer. Therefore, I have to get to bed early enough to get the sleep I need. That is a wonderful thing about not having a TV. The world is not luring me into staying up late to watch shows that poison my soul and might take me away from my prayer time with Teri. “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11).

It is important to take the needs of your wife into consideration as well. When should she get to sleep? Treat her bedtime as a higher priority than yours. If there are little children that Mom is up with during the night, she may require an earlier bedtime than you would have normally. If so, I would encourage you to see this as an opportunity to show your love for her and choose a consistent, early-enough bedtime to meet her sleep needs. If that means you will wake up early in the morning, great. Get up, have your time in the Word, and then do whatever else you would have done at night. Having a consistent bedtime is very important to having evening prayer time with your wife and having your own personal Bible reading in the morning. You will also fall asleep more quickly because your body is “tuned” to that being the time for sleep.

What if a dad says he doesn’t like to be “restricted” to a consistent bedtime? I would encourage him that his priorities are wrong and should be adjusted. Frankly, from my observation, many dads are dictators and are only thinking about themselves. Just one verse would help us to remember what God’s command is for us: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). If our focus is on loving our wives as Christ loved the church, consistent bedtimes should not be considered suffering in the slightest. “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (1 Peter 3:7). God is very serious about husbands needing to honor their wives, and we would do well to honor them.

Once there is consistency in getting to bed, a husband is on track for being successful in praying with his wife. If you can’t get to bed at the same time every night, I believe you will struggle with having a husband-and-wife prayer time.

The dad who wrote with this Corner request mentioned he and his wife differed on their idea of prayer. Since his wife was most comfortable kneeling to pray, he couldn’t go wrong by doing it that way. I would consider kneeling to be more reverential in coming before the God of creation; therefore, I would encourage him to go with her preference. If you find that you are inconsistent because one of you is already in bed and reluctant to get out and kneel, then you might try what we do.

Once the lights are out and the alarm is set (if you get up at the same time every morning, you won’t even need to check the alarm), it would be good to pray before someone starts falling asleep. The temptation is to talk and discuss the day, which is a good thing, but realize it is better to first speak to your Lord. The longer you wait to pray after the light is out, the more likely someone is going to fall asleep. If that is a consistent challenge, then I would encourage you to leave the light on until after you have finished praying. Very likely, kneeling beside the bed would also help someone from falling asleep.

I always begin our prayer time, and it is similar to how I would pray if I was alone. However, I will pray one topic at a time and then stop to give Teri an opportunity to pray. This is what I call conversational prayer. We are each taking turns praying.

For example, I usually start praying by praising God and thanking Him for His blessing. I normally pray for fifteen to sixty seconds on each of my prayer turns. Rarely, if something is really heavy on my heart, I pray longer, up to several minutes. That is generally the maximum because during this time it is important that we both stay attentive to each other’s prayers. On some subjects I only pray three or four sentences. These would be topics that I want to mention, but I don’t have much to pray about concerning them.

On Teri’s turns to pray, she may pray about the same topic I have prayed about or whatever else comes to her mind. How long she prays could be as short as a few sentences to sixty seconds as well. We will continue to pray like this, alternating back and forth for awhile. Imagine a conversation between two people: normally, each person takes turns speaking, with no one monopolizing it by talking a long time. In this case, we are taking turns speaking to the Lord Jesus, out loud, so we can hear the other’s prayers.

Sometimes, if we are quite tired and falling asleep, then the total prayer time will be shorter. If Teri is very tired and falling asleep, then I will be the one to pray out loud until I have nothing more to pray. Since we don’t look at the clock, it is difficult to say how long we pray, so I can only take a guess that our prayer times range from less than five minutes to ten or fifteen. When one of us is finished praying, he or she says, “In Jesus’ Name,” and the other one finishes praying, closing with “Amen.”

Of course praying together doesn’t preclude praying longer individually after saying “goodnight.” What is most important is that you find a way and a length of time that feels comfortable for you and your wife and that you pray together every night.

Aside from taping one of our prayer times and putting it on the website, this should give a good idea of how Teri and I have prayed together for years. I pray our example will help other parents to begin praying together. It is such a blessing; don’t miss out on it.

Turning Our Hearts Toward Our Families

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This was a recent Dad’s Corner request:

“We’ve managed to keep most of our children’s hearts, but two of them just seem determined to test us and stray. My husband isn’t sure that we are losing their hearts. He thinks that their behavior is ‘normal’ for children their age. One is eleven, the other seven. As a mom, I fear being too harsh and severing that connection completely, but I also fear being too soft and watching them slip further away. My husband sees no problem at all with their conniving, lying, and trickery to get out of chores, but I think that’s because he’s gone all day and can’t deal with things immediately. So is there a problem? Is it me? Do I leave it until it becomes a problem for my husband? I would appreciate a Corner in response to this.”

It is common for us to receive an e-mail from a mom describing a situation of concern in her home, and she will also say that her husband doesn’t see it as a problem. Since we don’t want to undermine a wife’s respect for her husband, this is the perfect topic for a Dad’s Corner directed to dads. In reality there are two significant problems here: the losing of hearts and a husband who isn’t plugged into the home.

It seems that we men tend toward extremes. Either we are harsh dictators not listening to our wives, or we are pushovers letting them lead our families. God said to Adam in Genesis 3:17, “Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee …” It is a good thing when a man listens to his wife, but it is a bad thing when, after listening, he obeys her rather than God.

Had Adam listened to Eve and then taken Eve’s problem to God, we might have had a different situation instead of the fall. That is what is needed for us dads as well: we need to pass what our wives are telling us through what we know Scripture says and then take what we learn to God in prayer.

I would consider the greatest problem reflected in this Corner request is the fact that Dad doesn’t have his heart turned toward his wife and is not listening to Mom’s heart-cry. I believe that losing the children’s hearts is just the first of many problems that they will experience.

As dads we can be so busy in the wood, hay, and stubble of life providing for the family that we lose sight of the hearts of the family members. Providing for our family is a far lower priority than being their spiritual leader. Yet, often, physical provision is a man’s focus. There can be many things competing for our time and attention, but we must put our attention on our highest priority, which is leading our families. To do this, we should listen carefully to the hearts of our wives or else our families may be at risk.

Each of us is to obey Paul’s command in loving our wives: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). One of the most important ways of loving our wives is to listen to them. Women are generally more sensitive than men. To ignore the heart-cry of a wife is similar to a pilot ignoring his radar. The wife is the one interacting with the children all day, and she is going to have a perspective that her husband would be foolish to ignore. Even if a wife is quiet, it doesn’t mean she won’t have thoughts about what is going on in the home. It is good to ask for her input on various issues.

The second problem I see from this Dad’s Corner request is whether it is normal for children to lie. Dad is right that lying and deception are normal, but they are not normal for believers. Lying is characteristic of the lost of the world, but we can never idly accept lying in our children as the norm. Satan is the “father of lies” (John 8:44), and those whose custom it is to lie will join him in the lake of fire. “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death” (Revelation 21:8). It appears that the dad has acknowledged that his children are lying and deceiving, but he fails to see the seriousness of letting it continue. “He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight” (Psalms 101:7).

Dad’s perspective on issues in the home will greatly depend on his relationship with the Lord. The closer our hearts are drawn to Jesus, the more we will love our wives and our children, being sensitive to their needs and concerns, and the more we will abhor sin. The more we are in the Word, the more we will recognize sin and correctly disciple our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

If Dad isn’t spending time in the Word every day and in prayer with his Lord Jesus, then everything of value will crumble. “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways” (James 1:8). Seriously think about it. Whatever hinders our spending time with Jesus is the real priority in our life.

Based on conversations with dads, I wonder if it isn’t the care, feeding, and entertaining of the dad’s flesh that most often bumps out personal and family time in the Word. “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24). A split allegiance will not produce a home of peace and children with hearts turned toward the Lord and their parents.

Another example of the importance of listening to Mom’s heart was her concern about being too harsh. Without examples, it is impossible to know exactly what she means, but Dad is the one who should be able to understand what is actually happening in the home. This mom is using the word “harsh,” but a mom’s heart is full of mercy, and to her, she may feel she is being harsh simply by having consequences for lying. On the other hand, if she is angry and yelling, that is definitely harsh and will contribute to losing their children’s hearts.

It is also likely this couple is not praying together. Praying together is a wonderful way of seeing into the heart of your spouse and being drawn together. Teri and I pray together every night just before we go to sleep. It is a conversational prayer, and we pray back and forth until one of us says, “In Jesus’ name,” and then the other one prays until ready to stop. I get to hear the real burdens of Teri’s heart when we pray privately like that, and she gets to hear what is on my heart as I talk to my Lord. If you aren’t praying with your wife, I would strongly encourage you to begin. It is a blessing that you are missing.

Raising children is a team effort with the Lord Jesus being at the head. If Dad isn’t in the Word daily and praying, he isn’t listening to his Lord and is headed for disaster. If Dad is not carefully listening to his wife, he is also likely headed for disaster. If Dad’s heart is not turned toward his children, he is going to lose them. There is so much at stake, we must be zealous about leading our family. “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:6).

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The Greatest Earthly Gift

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Most families think of gifts around Christmastime. It definitely is a subject of discussion in our home, with the children spending time and prayer trying to bless others in the family with meaningful gifts. Giving the right gift greatly depends on the receiving person’s heart and values.

Often, man has a different idea of a good gift than God does because we have a different frame of reference. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). With an earthly focus, man will want wealth and material possessions as good gifts, but if we have a heavenly focus we will want the good gifts God offers.

The greatest gift that God, the Giver of good gifts, offers us is salvation. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning” (James 1:17). It is amazing that everyone would not want to receive the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ. “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). If a person realized that eternity in hell is the only other option to eternal life with Christ, then more might choose life with Christ. “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him” (John 3:36).

Sadly, man often wants his way, thereby rejecting the gift that was needed most. One area that highlights this difference of thought and value in relation to good gifts has to do with the Lord’s gifting of children to parents. The Lord says via the Psalmist: “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalms 127:3). We see in this verse that God is the One to give children. He actually calls them a heritage of the Lord and a reward. Today, however, man does not see children in this way.

Families will reject more children for a host of reasons. Why would man not want more children when God calls them a heritage and a reward? The answer is obvious since children represent hard work, time, money, and most likely, some degree of heartache. There are no guarantees with children. They could have health problems or be rebellious. Nonetheless, the Lord says children are His heritage and reward.

There is a vast difference between children and other aspects of the created world as seen in Genesis 1:26: “And God said, Let us make man in our image.” Nothing else has been made in God’s image. The simple fact that a child is made in God’s image makes him a treasure. Do we really value children as His heritage and reward?

Another reason we reject children is that they bring change into our lives. If we allow it, they cause us to grow in Christ and in dependency on Him. Teri and I often hear moms say they could never homeschool because they aren’t patient enough. What parent has the character needed to raise a child? That is one reason why God gives us children. God will use them to constantly shape us into the image of Christ. “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience” (Romans 5:3). Children can break our hearts. Brokenness is a good thing that the Lord uses in our lives. Once broken, we are prepared for the work of the Potter’s hands. Certainly, who in their right mind would welcome a source of tribulation? Yet, the Lord says children are His heritage and reward.

Many will reject God giving the family more children because of all the work and money they will require. That would be like someone offering to give a friend a Mercedes and having him turn it down because of the costly insurance, gas, and maintenance. Perhaps another reason for saying no would be that he doesn’t have room in his garage. I don’t think so. It is all a matter of our point of view—heavenly or earthly.

We have shared in the past about Teri’s depression, and how we cut off the possibility of more children after God gave us three. Then five years later, we came to realize how wrong that decision was and repented of it. By God’s grace, after we reversed a bad decision, He then gave us five more children. (It is amazing that the number five is also the number that represents grace in Scripture.)

Our children have been such a blessing to Teri and me. They are our best friends, and their hands are on the plow with us. There have been times of struggle, discouragement, and heartache. Growth is a result in our lives, though. Plus the Lord Jesus becomes all the more precious and real to us.

When some people hear we have eight children, they reply that we have enough children for our own sports team. What a waste that would be! It would be like taking a multimillion-dollar army tank squirrel hunting. Far better that we are a tactical swat team at the command of the Lord Jesus! Now that is what it is all about! We love serving the Lord Jesus together.

What if God said He would give believers as many millions of dollars as we asked for? I’m confident we would see countless Christian millionaires. Hmmm. Instead, He openly extends a clear and far, far greater offer for man to accept: children. They are His heritage and reward. Will we welcome them?

When it is all said and done, our saved children and the souls of others we have led to Christ are all we are taking with us when we leave this world. Will you be traveling alone or in good company?

Bad or Best?

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We were almost home after thirty days of being on the road and were filling up at a truck stop. On John’s way through the store, returning to the van from the restroom, he saw a woman empty the spill-catcher, below the coffee-pot spout, into her coffee cup. A trucker, who was getting himself some coffee, was horrified to see her do this. He asked her if she had enough money for a cup of coffee, because if she didn’t he would buy it for her. She said, “Yes, I have the money. It just saves me from spending it. I like it this way.”

When John told us this story in the van, we were all aghast at the thought of the woman drinking what was in the spill catcher. I have observed people dump out their old coffee and OTHER things into those grills under the coffee pots. The idea of drinking what comes from the spill catcher is so repulsive to me that I would not have thought it to be true except that my own son had observed it. Here was someone who could afford “best” and yet chose “bad.”

I’m fifty-five years old and was saved thirty-two years ago, which will likely be as long as some of you have been alive. I have lived both for the world and for Jesus. There was a time I tried to do both simultaneously. Jesus said we can’t serve two masters. I personally discovered that truth.

I watched TV and movies as a lost person and then for a time as a believer. We even watched general TV programming. Then, we were convicted of the bad shows and tried restricting our viewing so that we were only watching what we considered “good” shows. These were shows that didn’t have murder, immodesty, and other lewd behavior. Unfortunately, those shows reflected the world’s view of marriage, evolution, and other ungodly concepts. As long as the “beast” was alive in our home, we were drawn to feeding the flesh by wasting time and wanting to be entertained by watching it. In sowing to the flesh, I reaped the corruption of no real spiritual appetite for leading my family in reading the Bible at night. Once TV watching was gone, we fed on the cool, clean, pure water of the Word. Be on guard because the flesh is going to be pulled toward being entertained, which will leave little time for what is “best.”

Based on discussions at conferences and via e-mails, I’m convinced that there are many, many dads reading this article who are quenching their families’ thirst via spill catchers with what is “bad.” I’m confident most don’t even give it a thought as being “bad” for their families. Their families could be drinking the “best”—pure, clean, refreshing water of the Word every night (“That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word” [Ephesians 5:26])—instead of what is unhealthy in a spill catcher.

I believe Galatians 6:8 spiritually exemplifies feeding on what is “bad” versus what is “best,” and the fruit we can expect as a result of those choices. “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.” I wonder how many have seriously considered TV and movie viewing from the Lord’s perspective. Most of us have grown up with television viewing as being normal in our homes. How could anyone suggest that TV, among other things, is “bad” when even respected Christians and pastors watch TV? It is much like a decision that is made by a committee. No one person can be pointed to and blamed. “Everyone” watches TV and movies; it’s the norm in the church as well. Yet, I can’t imagine anyone thinking that the Lord Jesus, Paul, or any of the apostles would watch TV, even a so-called morally neutral show.

“Normal” TV programs include murder, adultery, immorality, immodesty, lewdness, and unrighteous activity. Should a child of God ever be entertained by such ungodly behavior? 1 Corinthians 10:23 says, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.” Paul is telling us we should only participate in those things which are edifying. Are most news stories edifying? Paul also says in Ephesians 5:12, “For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.” Paul is saying the wicked and evil, violent crimes, which are done in secret and reported on newscasts, are a shame for us to listen to.

What about sports? In many sports, men sustain lifetime injuries all for the ultimate benefit of entertaining those who watch. Man, who was created in God’s image, will have his face and head pummeled, knees destroyed, and risk various serious injuries all for others’ viewing pleasure. Even if a competition is nonviolent, isn’t it often promoted by alcohol ads that sow corruption to the flesh? There is a reason that companies spend millions of dollars on ads to promote their products. Ads work! Even if you don’t buy them, are you sure your children won’t?

Paul, led by the Holy Spirit, directed us to live according to these words in Colossians 3:17: “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” Can we really watch such things and say we are doing it in the name of Jesus Christ? I believe if someone who watches TV were to spiritually evaluate whether what they are watching is “best” or “bad,” the answer would be clear.

Because of almost twenty years of being “spill-catcher” free, our family is so blessed. Our children enjoy our time in the Word every night. They have a good understanding of the Bible and how to apply it to their lives. Their hearts are drawn toward the family and family worship time. I can assure you that nightly Bible reading sows to the spirit in feeding a desire to live for Jesus wholeheartedly. My heart breaks for families that miss out on the “best” because it appears that they can’t be objective enough to realize one reason why there is “bad” fruit springing up in their children’s lives.

Please understand, I don’t share these things to judge, make fun of, or criticize anyone. I pray you would consider these Corners as coming from someone who is a real friend and brother in Christ. In the spirit of Galatians 6:2—“Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ”—it is my desire to encourage brothers in Christ to walk worthy of the Lord Jesus and to raise up sons and daughters who are mighty in the Lord. Ephesians 4:1: “I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called.” We can’t feed our children from the spill catcher, the sludge of the world, sowing to their flesh and expect them to be dynamic followers of Jesus Christ.

I realize some may not care for these words, but for the love of Jesus I write them. I am grateful that God put certain messages on some men’s hearts who shared a word with me that challenged me to walk worthy of the Lord. At times, I didn’t appreciate what I heard, but eventually I heeded them, being eternally glad that I did. Please receive this from someone who truly desires God’s best for your family.

Just a Family, Sir

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The middle-aged man thanked me as I handed him an ice-cold Pepsi and a Gospel tract. He then asked me what church we were with. I said, “No church, sir. We’re just a family that is trying to encourage people to think about where they are going to spend eternity.” He seemed surprised but genuinely grateful, smiled, put the Gospel tract in his pocket, and walked away.

The people that we met at our booth at the Leavenworth County Fair expected us to be part of some church membership/outreach program funded by a church budget. Once they learned that this was a project paid for and staffed by a family, the defenses seemed to crash down. They appeared to truly appreciate it. Through the week many came back each evening, and the conversation deepened, becoming more cordial and open. It was the most incredible opportunity to love our “neighbors” and give them a cup of cold “water” in Jesus’ name (Matthew 10:42).

As the week went on, we would question those we recognized as to whether they had read the tract we gave to them earlier, and most everyone said, “Yes.” We would then dig for a different one and query them to see if they had read the one we were holding. Often, we would ask them if they felt they had passed the good-person test, which was described in the first tract we always handed people. That would open the door for sharing Christ with them without being pushy or offensive. After talking about Jesus with someone who, by their own admission, indicated they were headed for hell, I would often ask them if I had offended them in any way. They always answered, “No.” Our goal was to clearly establish the need of a Savior but not to get someone to pray a quick prayer. The desire was to sow Gospel seed, which would spring up into true, life-changing new birth.

Nathan, my married son, and his wife, Melanie, had initiated the idea of renting a booth at the fair, feeling God’s direction, and he sought my counsel about it. Even though it sounded pretty incredible, I had peace about helping in any way we could. There were many questions about how and what was to be done, but few answers. We could hardly address the questions systematically because we had never done anything like this before. We had no way of knowing where the booth would be located or what kind of traffic there would be. Would people be suspicious or too proud to take a free drink? There were many things to pray about.

The logistics alone were quite staggering – purchasing, cooling, and transporting hundreds of cold drinks for each of five nights and one full day. Normally, as the dad, I have to pray though all of the issues of a project and then make the decisions, but it was wonderful because this time my role was not in leading but rather in undergirding. Nathan, my oldest “arrow,” was the head of this operation. I was greatly blessed to see not only his love for others but also the way the whole family worked together.

It was great to watch the children, young and old, all participating in various ways to make this happen. Nathan, Christopher, and John worked through some scenarios in trying to cool the drinks without having to purchase an iceberg every day. Eventually, they decided to split the drinks between four refrigerators each day and then put them in coolers with ice to take to the fair.

Transporting many extremely heavy coolers was another challenge. They decided to use two vehicles to move everything to the fairgrounds. The boys made multiple trips using a dolly and hand truck to get the coolers from the unloading area to our booth. Again, it was delightful to watch how the children worked “arm in arm.” That is the kind of teamwork that sports can never teach young people.

Since we didn’t know what we would encounter and wondered whether eleven people in front of a booth might be overpowering, I decided that the younger children would stay home with Teri and help as part of the support team. One big job that needed to be done was hand-stamping thousands of tracts with the www.FamiliesforJesus.com website that we would use for follow-up. Jesse, Mary, and Anna spent several hours stamping and repackaging the tracts. Then every night, Teri would have a special time of prayer with Anna, Jesse, and Mary for us and those with whom we were sharing Christ.

Life is short, and even shorter is the time we have with our children. We only have a few years to disciple them and prepare them for life in Christ. Opportunities like we had during the fair week are rare and valuable for all. Striving together with a common mission was a blessing. Because so many people came to our booth, each of us had the opportunity to learn to be more comfortable sharing Jesus when there was only a short amount of time for a conversation. I wonder how long it would take to have the same amount of witnessing experience if it were spread throughout the year.

The gentleman who was manning a booth next to us said he felt what we were doing was fantastic. He related that he had been watching the faces of those we talked to, and he believed many were under deep conviction through what was shared with them. He said he had traveled thousands of miles away from home on a youth mission trip for an experience that didn’t compare with what he saw going on at our booth. He felt most Christian teens think they have to go away somewhere to minister and what a shame that was. He wished he’d had an opportunity like what he was observing.

Youth mission trips are very popular. I know many have been greatly blessed by them. However, I also know mission trips are quite expensive, especially when the benefit is for just one person in a family to have a witnessing or mission-type experience. Unfortunately, while away from their families, some have also begun boy/girl relationships that have been undesirable. When considering a youth mission trip for your children, may I encourage you to pray about whether there might be something better in which all of the family could participate? Perhaps the Lord Jesus might be directing your family to minister together and, as a result, have a far greater impact than sending just one in the family away. Remember the response from the man I mentioned at the beginning when I told him, “We’re just a family”? I’m convinced that there is a far greater witness and power when things of this sort are done as a family.

Families are in shambles these days both in and out of the church. People are amazed when they see a family that is strong and serving together in a spirit of love. If our vision is to be used by the Lord Jesus Christ and serve others as a family, we will have the joy of being used by Him.

What is our purpose in being here and raising a family? Dads, may we each be committed to building arrows that are used for the Lord Jesus Christ. “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth” (Psalms 127:4). May we each have a Christ-led family. May we each experience the joy of seeing how powerful the witness of a united family is when we are following the Lord Jesus Christ.

We have more about the fair on our Titus2.com blog.

Are You on Track?

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How many red Toyota Tacomas did you see today? You don’t know? The reason you can’t tell me is that you weren’t looking for them. If we aren’t watching for something, it is unlikely we will see it. A dad with his heart not turned toward his children, but focused on other things, will not see threats to his children nor the beginning symptoms of losing his children. Because of the place a man’s vehicle has in his life, he is far more likely to be aware of a slight noise in the car’s engine than he is to notice his children’s hearts drifting. On the other hand, I believe Mom is usually aware of the warning signs in the children because she is around her children all day and pouring out her life into their lives as she homeschools them.

I have never met a dad who was purposing to ruin his children. Yet, by the decisions he makes and the way he spends his time, the “storm-warning flags” are blowing in a very stiff wind indeed. It all begins with a father’s heart not being turned toward his children. “And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:6). Yet, I’m confident, if you asked each one reading this Corner if his heart is turned to his children, most would say “yes.”

The diet we feed our families can have such impact on shaping their futures. Dad is the one who sets much of the direction for the appetites of the family. Since Dad is the spiritual head of the family, he is the one who will be held responsible by the Lord Jesus for the direction of the family. “Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is” (1 Corinthians 3:13).

There is a day coming when each of us will give account to the Lord Jesus for the time He has given us on this earth. Next to our souls, our time is the most precious thing we have. How will we spend our time while raising our children? When standing before the Lord, it will be too late to reverse years of bad decisions. Many dads’ primary focus and identity is in providing for their families. Yes, our families need to eat, but Jesus put that into perspective when He said in John 6:27, “Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.”

God has called us to pour our lives out as an offering. “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Romans 12:1-2). So often, however, the world and its pleasures have Dad’s focus, while the children are left to drift. Dads, may our hearts be turned to the serious work of building up our families in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Few men will attempt to build anything of value without a blueprint. Why? Because any significant project will take a large amount of investment of both time and resources. If a good design isn’t followed, there will be a great amount of waste due to false starts and changes. If someone had unlimited resources, maybe a change of direction and wasted material wouldn’t matter, but on every project I’ve worked on, it did matter!

What could be more valuable than building the lives of our children? Buildings burn and fall down over time, but the souls of our children will last for eternity. How we build in their lives can have great impact as to where they will spend eternity. The project manager of the largest, most glorious building on this earth is FAR less important than the lowliest dad with a single child. You can easily tell the dad who believes this by how much time he spends with his children and how much of a focus they have in his thoughts. For more information on keeping your children’s hearts, please see our book, Keeping Our Children’s Hearts.

That is why I’m encouraging each Dad reading this article to write out a vision statement for his family. This vision statement is one that he can be committed to before the Lord Jesus. As believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, we are to follow Jesus’ direction via the Holy Spirit. We know that the leading of the Holy Spirit will be consistent with Scripture. That is where the benefits of a family vision statement lie. It becomes a condensed blueprint of Dad’s understanding of how to follow God’s calling for his family. It is an ongoing reminder that helps to keep us on track and to verify that we are truly following the Holy Spirit’s direction.

First, it may seem totally obvious, but I believe for the sake of unity, it is very important that Dad and Mom agree that they want the mind of Christ and are committed to following His leading. Is this something you desire? “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:5). If so, it would be extremely beneficial if Dad and Mom would simply write out their commitment to obey Jesus as He reveals His will for the family. Isn’t that where it all begins?

I believe many families have quenched the Spirit of God working in their family by disobeying the light that has been shown them. The Lord Jesus has been telling them to do something, and they have continued to say “No!” Finally, the Lord pulls His Spirit back, and the family just drifts. The family’s spiritual walk becomes futile, hypocritical, and lukewarm. Finally, the children turn to the world because that really was where the dad’s heart was turned and what was causing him not to follow Jesus’ direction.

Next, begin asking the Father what His calling is for your family. Consider all the areas of life and child rearing that a vision might encompass in response to God’s calling. For example, what level of spiritual growth, holiness, and commitment does God desire for your children? What verses come to mind that apply to each area? If you draw a blank, that’s okay. Just begin reading in your personal devotions through the New Testament, and write down verses that you see apply to God’s calling for your family. There’s no hurry as long as you are making progress.

For example, currently my family vision statement is the following:

Maxwell Family Vision Statement

  • By God’s grace, each member of the family would have a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ and serve Him (John 3:16, Romans 10:9-10, Hebrews 9:14) and:
  • Joyfully serve others (Galatians 5:13, Colossians 3:17, Romans 12:1)
  • Be obedient (John 14:15)
  • Respect others (Romans 12:10)
  • Be self-disciplined (Galatians 5:23)
  • Love children (Matthew 19:14)
  • Pursue holiness (Romans 12:1, Titus 1:8, 1 Peter 1:15-16)
  • Court and not date (Romans 12:1)
  • Love His Word, have a good understanding of the Bible and church doctrine (2 Tim 2:15)
  • Give their hearts to us as long as they are living in our home (Proverbs 23:26)
  • Live as ambassadors for Christ, including:
  • Speaking, writing, and dressing appropriately (Colossians 3:17)
  • Praising others rather than criticize them (Ephesians 4:6, 1 Thessalonians 5:11-13)
  • Being content (Philippians 4:11)

 

The vision statement is not to become “our god,” causing us to ignore the leading of the Holy Spirit. That would be similar to the way the Pharisees followed the tradition of men. Remember that our vision statement is like a blueprint. That is also why it is critical that everything in our vision is justified by Scripture. We know the Holy Spirit will lead our hearts consistently with God’s Word. When you share your vision statement with the family, it is like the airline pilot announcing where the ultimate destination is. Let’s make it easy for our family to stay on board for the entire flight.

A vision statement is a visual, consolidated reminder of the general path God is calling our family to walk down that will help us stay on track. As dads with the responsibility of spiritually leading our families, may we become convinced of the importance of knowing where we are headed, why we are headed there, and how our daily decisions affect whether we will reach our destination. It is my heart’s desire that each of us will take time to write a vision statement and then to allow the Lord Jesus to use it to help us toward His purposes for our lives and our families’ lives as well.