Category Archives: Dad’s Corner

Hearts for Jesus

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“My question is this . . . with four children ages 14, 12, 10 and 8, how do I get them to enjoy Christ and seek to know and serve Him? My children love to play, play, play. It sounds as though you let your kids have video entertainment when they were younger. How did you remove those things without generating resentment and envy of other families? They are very geared toward where their next fun is going to come from.” Concerned Mom

This Corner’s request was written to me from a homeschooling mom. Praise the Lord for the desire of her heart. Sadly, though, it is usually the moms who are concerned about their children’s spiritual growth as opposed to the dads (as evidenced by the fact that the moms are generally the ones asking us questions in this area). But why am I responding to a mom’s question here in a Dad’s Corner? It is because Dad is the one who was given the overall responsibility in Ephesians 6:4 for how the children are raised. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

In addition to the responsibility God has given Dad, Dad often holds the keys as to where the hearts of the children are directed. If Dad’s heart is worldly and fun-focused, then that is the likely direction the children’s hearts will be turned as well. However, if Dad’s heart is set on things above not on things on the earth (Colossians 3:2), then that is where the children’s hearts will be pulled. Frankly, it is an extremely difficult battle to help the children choose the Lord over fun, but there is hope.

Let’s briefly look at Colossians 3:1-2. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:1-2). The first phrase is important to this discussion. It is a condition that if true, then the rest of verses 1 and 2 apply. Paul is saying that if a person is saved, then he is to seek things which are above. To seek means just that. It is a willful choice—a decision to desire and seek after those things that are of the Lord Jesus. They will be important to us, what we think about and pursue. Paul is not saying, if you are saved, it would be nice if you had a heart for spiritual things instead of the fun things of this world. He is saying, if we are saved, we are to seek after the things of the Lord Jesus.

What sort of things might that be? First and foremost it will be Jesus Himself. Dads, do we delight in Jesus? Do we think about Him as a bride longs to be with her new husband? Do we talk to Him in our hearts throughout the day? Do our hearts yearn to spend eternity with Jesus?

Further evidence of being risen with Christ will be a desire to be in the Word individually and as a family. “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). Jesus and the Word are inseparable. We can’t love Jesus and not love His Word. Do we want to read the Bible? Do we think about the Word and how we can apply it to our lives? “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby” (1 Peter 2:2). A sign of life and health with a newborn is the appetite to drink milk. Peter is saying that just as a newborn craves milk so a believer will earnestly long for God’s Word. Those who are saved will feed on the Bible.

In raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, Romans 6:16 is important to consider. “Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?” (Romans 6:16). It is not only important to set our affections on things above but also to obey. Who are we yielding to in obedience—the flesh and the world or the Lord Jesus Christ? It isn’t enough to have warm, fuzzy thoughts of the Lord; we are to obey Him.

When we obey the Lord, He will manifest Himself to us. “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him” (John 14:21). The love of Christ in our lives—Jesus’ love for us and our love for Jesus—is a result in the believer’s life when we obey Him. It is something obvious to others when they are around a person who is abiding in Christ. It is a further “Amen” to the children that Dad is walking in fellowship with his Savior. It demonstrates to the children that Dad has a real relationship with the God of creation and that the things of this world are merely chaff. When Christ is alive in Dad’s life, the family will desire Christ and things above as well.

Obeying Jesus means we won’t have time for the activities that our world is in love with and is a further demonstration of real faith in Christ. “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4). James is using incredibly strong language to tell us that born again believers’ lives will be different from those of the world.

Now with that groundwork validating the need to remove unprofitable, fun things, and the need for Dad to lead, let’s turn back to the question. “How did you remove those things without generating resentment and envying of other families?” The changes need to begin with Dad. It isn’t just an activity change but a heart change. About twenty years ago, our family of five was like most “normal” Christian families in how we spent our time. One thing we allowed our children to do was to play some carefully selected video games. (Those video games were so tame and boring compared to today’s video games that they would hardly be called video games anymore.)

As we spent more time in God’s Word, we became uncomfortable with the “beast” (TV), video games, and sports, and we realized they had to go. We spoke with the children and explained that the video games were addicting and unprofitable. We shared with them that we wanted to have family Bible time every night and for them to be productive with their time. If you have your children’s hearts, they will receive the direction change and not rebel against it. If you don’t have their hearts, then that is one more thing that needs to be addressed (For more information on keeping children’s hearts see our book called Keeping Our Children’s Hearts).

One thing that helped our children with their time usage was scheduling their time with productive activities. In addition to their school, they had chores. After they finished with their chores, there were projects and other learning activities on which they were to work. Projects are wonderful tools to teach our children worthwhile skills and are a profitable use of time. Back then, we had the boys beginning to learn both computer and building skills.

I have written several Corners on the subject of practical projects that would be helpful for learning how to use projects with your children. Here is the link to those articles.

In addition the Preparing Sons book is a good resource on productive use of time and working with your sons to instill in them a work ethic, skills, and the ability to provide for their future families.

Getting rid of the “beast” is also very helpful in weaning children off of the entertainment, “got to have fun,” addiction. With Dad leading the way, spend time together doing constructive things around the home and helping others. Often, I hear that dads feel they deserve some time to relax in front of the beast after a hard day of work, but would the Lord Jesus agree? In our society we have it easier than probably any other nation or time in history. How could we ever attempt to justify before the Lord that we dads deserve to relax? Certainly, no one could give the Lord a good reason for sitting in front of the vile programming that is broadcast these days.

If we deserve to relax, what about our wives? Isn’t it likely that many of them are working as hard or harder than we do during the day? May we dads have right thoughts and lead by being good examples. One way might be that everyone pitches in with the dinner cleanup. Then I can’t think of a better way to rest a bit and spend time profitably than to move into the living room and spend an hour or so reading the Bible and singing together. In addition to spiritual growth, over time you will find the family actually beginning to enjoy just sitting and fellowshipping amongst themselves. Then if there is still time left before bed, tackle some projects.

The Corner’s request didn’t say whether the children had made professions of faith. If they have, then what I shared is essential for their being raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. If they haven’t, there is no better setting for them to be brought to a point of seeing their need of a Savior. Think about it, if they aren’t saved, what is likely better for them spiritually, the continued pursuit of fun, or being in God’s Word every night? The answer is obvious.

Is it possible the children might envy other children? I suppose so, but if Dad’s heart is turned toward the children, if he has his children’s hearts and is spending time together as a family, it is more likely others will envy his children.

May we be fathers who are leading our children in paths that will help them learn to seek what is above. We teach first and foremost by our example. I encourage you to consider well what that example is in your family. Eliminate the trivial, empty time pursuits in your home and help your children become productive. Your children will bless you for these choices in years to come.

A Father’s Role

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This Dad’s Corner is to answer the dad’s side of a question posed to us in an e-mail with a request for a Mom’s Corner topic. Since the e-mail was written by a mom with concerns about her children’s behavior, Teri is responding in this month’s Mom’s Corner. However, the solution involves more than just Mom, so I wanted to address the father’s role in this process. In summary, the mom was writing and asking what to do about sibling rivalry and contention.

The beginning place is for Dad to be informed of the needs of the home. Is a husband’s line of communication clearly open with his wife? Does she talk to him about the problems she is seeing with the children? I’ve yet to meet a mom who wasn’t willing to share the difficulties she encountered with the children during the day when her husband is a willing listener, and that is the way it should be. We can’t effectively disciple our families if we don’t know what the issues are.

Sometimes we dads can make our wives feel that they are a burden when they discuss the contentions of the day with us. This might be done directly by our words, or it may be more subtly through a facial expression, lack of interest, or even tuning her out. Then a dad may feel things are under control during the day with the children because Mom isn’t bringing him problems, when in fact, there are issues, but Mom has learned that Dad isn’t interested. It would be a good thing to ask your wife if she feels that you desire to know about the problems of her day.

When we come home are we careful to take our working hat off and put on our fathering hat? I know there have been times when Teri has told me about the children’s behavior, and I responded that I wasn’t aware of it. Then to my surprise, she explains a couple of recent times where they did it while I was standing right near them, but I wasn’t tuned into what was happening.

Do we own the job of discipling the children whom God has given us? “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Fathers are given the responsibility of properly discipling their children. A large part of the discipling process is going to involve being aware of behavior and attitude problems when we are around the children, in addition to the ones a wife will observe. It seems that most dads are more cognizant of a slight anomaly with their cars than they are of significant character issues with their children. Certainly our children, who will spend eternity in either heaven or hell, are far, far more important than a vehicle we will use for a short time and get rid of. May we own the responsibility God has given us.

Often, a great frustration for Mom is not knowing what consequences to give for the children’s offenses. It can be greatly appreciated if Dad will take the time to work with his wife and prayerfully come up with appropriate consequences for various generic misbehaviors. It can relieve a mom of the emotional pressure of not knowing what consequence to use if she has a list of punishments readily available to use as needed.

It would also be good for each dad to evaluate his behavior in the home. If we are angry or proud, we can expect that to be replicated in the lives of our children. We learn the behavior of those with whom we closely associate. “Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul” (Proverbs 22:24-25). Often Dad will resort to anger when dealing with problems, and if so, we should not surprised to see anger in the children’s lives.

Are we proud? This verse in Proverbs tells us that contention stems from a root of pride. “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom” (Proverbs 13:10). May we not neglect careful self-examination in our desire to raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Pride is an abomination to the Lord and something to be repented of.

God’s Word must be the standard for all behavior. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). A key place to address family issues like contention, pride, and anger is in the family’s daily Bible time.

Family Bible time is a wonderful time to discuss “issues” in a comfortable, non-confrontational setting. I’m amazed how the Lord will provide a verse that sheds light on wrong behavior that occurred during the day. Especially suited for these types of discussions are problems that were observed by Dad or others in the family and shared with Dad. It is the perfect setting to lay on all the children’s minds what God’s Word says by discussing root issues of the heart and resulting conduct without being in the midst of a problem. For more information on how to do family Bible time, see the audio, Feed My Sheep.

As the family is in the Word every day, Dad can draw the children’s attention to Scripture that applies to the problems at hand. Because of his own observations and communication with Mom, he will be very aware of what is happening in the hearts of his children. He can move the family to sections of the Word that he wants to discuss with them, or he can pull the personal applications from where they are reading as they work their way through the books of the Bible they were already planning to be reading.

Family Bible time provides an opportunity to look into the Word and make it very practical to real life—the struggles that are happening on a daily basis in a home. These discussions aren’t a consequence or a punishment nor do they occur during the intensity of the moment when the problem occurred. They are simply what happens when the family reads the Word together.

As we use the Word in this way, it does the work for which it was designed. “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). Discussions with the children at Bible time about heart issues are simply the natural outgrowth of time in the Word and a desire to apply it to our lives.

What wonderful opportunities our children’s problems bring to the family in letting us disciple those children through the Word. We can encourage them and be encouraged ourselves by these words, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9). As we pray with and for our children, we can help them see their need to rely on the Lord Jesus Christ to help them act the way He wants them to act.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us” (Hebrews 12:1). Bringing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is part of the spiritual race that is set before us. We must address the sin in our own lives, disciple our children on a daily basis, and run that race with patience.

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Posted in: Dad's Corner

Sports – Part 3

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“And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God” (Luke 16:15).

This is the final article in a series discussing sports and the Christian family. If you haven’t already read the two previous Corners on this topic, it is important that you do so, because they are necessary for the full understanding of the context of this discussion.

As I said previously, this series is written to dads who sincerely desire God’s best for their families and want to make their decisions based on the Word of God. Some readers may be tempted to bring up justifications for team sports based on their personal positive experiences with sports. Remember, though, if we are committed to living according to God’s Word, no matter how strong our justifications might be due to positive experiences or emotion, it doesn’t make it right if what we are justifying is contrary to Scripture.

An excellent example of putting “good justifications” in their proper place is from Matthew 16:21-23: “From that time forth began Jesus to shew unto his disciples, how that he must go unto Jerusalem, and suffer many things of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and be raised again the third day. Then Peter took him, and began to rebuke him, saying, Be it far from thee, Lord: this shall not be unto thee. But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.” Here Peter was rebuking Jesus because he loved Jesus and didn’t want to see Jesus suffer on the cross. In return for Peter’s “kindness,” Jesus rebukes Peter with the same rebuke He gave to Satan when Jesus was first tempted in the wilderness (Luke 4:8).

How could Jesus rebuke Peter like that when Peter appears to have had wonderful motives? What could be wrong with not wanting to see someone you love suffer horribly? (Or what could be wrong with wanting your children to have fun?) Jesus showed us that life in Christ isn’t about good motives but rather obedience to the Father. Peter was attempting to hinder Christ from following God’s will for Jesus’ life. Can we begin to see how serious ANYTHING is that takes us away from following the Lord’s will for our lives? Can we see how it often is the savoring of activities and things of this earth that quickly draw us away? Sports may be one of the best examples of “things that be of men” and draw their hearts away. If anyone doubts this, just look at church attendance when there is a Super Bowl game on at home. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2).

Even if a person can’t bring himself to the point of saying sports are bad, surely it can be seen that they are not edifying in the Lord Jesus. “All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any” (1 Corinthians 6:12). “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23). Paul says he won’t be involved in anything that has the potential of bringing him under “its” power or is not edifying. I can’t help but wonder if anything else has more men in bondage to it than sports.

Quite a few years ago, we were visiting a church, and my family was shocked at what we heard the pastor say. That Sunday morning the preacher shared how he was really looking forward to the Super Bowl because it had been years since he had seen a Super Bowl game where the blood really flowed. The two teams scheduled to play were tough, and he couldn’t wait to see the blood flowing. We all hoped he didn’t mean that literally, but it was obvious that he wanted to see a violent, hard-hitting game. How can we give our children appetites for things like that? Even if we are watching these games in moderation with our children, it will likely fuel a passion in our children that does not know the same limits.

Christians are called to lay down their lives for others, while team competition fuels a child’s pride and the desire to put himself first. This is contrary to Scripture and the command to love one’s brother. “And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also” (1 John 4:21).

One dad e-mailed me the link to a news documentary about what was happening to professional football players. Apparently, the shock to their brains is so violent that their life expectancy is, on average, over twenty years less than that of a normal person. It would be good for dads to evaluate all competitive sports they are watching or involved in as to whether they are giving their children a thirst for violence. Is this consistent with the command to every father to bring his children “up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4)? Jesus lost so that others might win.

I was asked about other pastimes that many Christian families spend their time participating in such as board games, non-organized “friendly” basketball, football, and volleyball games or even spelling bees. Are they wrong or beneficial? I suggest that each dad evaluates them based on Scripture and family goals. For example, in light of 1 Corinthians 10:31 which says, “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God,” I ask myself these two questions concerning the activity: “Is there nothing better to do with the time? What appetites might be developed?”

I personally would avoid shooting baskets or playing football with my children. Why? Because those sports are addictive, as evidenced in many men’s lives. I wouldn’t want to cast a potential stumbling block in the path of my children. Some dads may have the maturity to limit it to just time with the boys, but children often won’t. While Dad may control it in moderation and not be tempted to tune into “the big game,” children won’t have that same level of self-discipline. Their exposure to sports during times together “shooting hoops” is likely going to give them an appetite for watching the pros and learning from them. I have observed in some families how this “innocent” use of time became a major appetite in their sons’ lives. So for us, I would rather avoid it.

What about many other family pastimes such as board games? There are a lot of board games that seem to really foster a spirit of competition. For us we would prefer to avoid those. However, there are some we have found that enhance thinking skills, are educational, or are Bible related, where someone “winning” just brings closure. Then the goal is mostly to learn in the process of spending time together.

What about spelling and geography academic competitions? To me they are just another way of taking a test to determine who scores the highest, unless some form of “hard-hitting” violence breaks out :-). I seriously doubt that children would find spelling bees to be addictive, so activities of that nature would be of little concern.

And what about the coed volleyball games that are pretty popular with the church youth? I haven’t observed any, but I suspect that winning could be a major thrust with some. If that is the case, then it becomes the opposite of loving my brother. Even if it is a noncompetitive time of fellowship, is there nothing better for the youth to do? What about using that energy to minister to others or do upkeep on the church? Frankly, coed teams are likely going to foster relationships between the boys and girls. That is why each parent needs to evaluate if their children are ready for marriage and whether this is a positive or negative thing.

What if a child is “gifted” with physical abilities, and the parents visualize him being a pro star who would give all the glory to the Lord? If people would be honest about it, I suspect the chance of that happening is on the order of winning the lottery. I believe there is the far higher probability of the child being drawn into the drugs, alcohol, and immorality that surrounds college and pro sports.

Nathan and Christopher were both gifted athletically, but based on what I have observed in others and read in Scripture, the last thing I would think is that God wanted them to play sports. Physical abilities just mean that God intends for them to use those talents to serve others, certainly not for fun and games. “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). God gives us talents to be used in accordance with His will.

Look at the apostles and their ministry. God took uneducated men (with the exception of Paul) who were surrendered to Him and empowered them by His Holy Spirit. God does not need the fame a man gains for himself to prepare or use that man for His service. Even if someone is gifted physically, it highly unlikely that God intends to use that giftedness in sports.

Sports consume a tremendous amount of time both in practice and competition. Soon after I was saved, but before I came to these convictions on sports, I ran three marathons. That experience made me well acquainted with how much time sports training takes. If we value our time on earth as being precious and desire to redeem the time, then we will want to make sure we use our time as the Lord directs. “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16).

Maybe you still are not convinced that the essence of competitive teams sports is the opposite of the life God has called us to live. Maybe when you or your children play or observe sports you aren’t crying, “Kill them!” and it is a simple pastime you enjoy. But what is the most valuable thing we have on earth? Isn’t it our time? Think about how much time sports robs the Kingdom of God of every day. Isn’t it time to put away unprofitable things and be busy for our Lord? “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).

Sports – Part 2

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In this series discussing sports and the Christian family, it is important to emphasize that this Corner is written for families where the dad is:

  • saved
  • striving to raise his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
  • deeply committed to leading his family consistently with Scripture
  • sincerely desiring God’s best for his family
  • not simply avoiding sin

It is expected that with any negative mention of sports there will be a few who protest and insist that the Apostle Paul would not agree that sports were the antithesis of the Christian walk. Then the verses where Paul refers to sports will be listed as proof Paul endorsed sports. Therefore, it would be good to objectively look at those verses briefly.

“Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

Paul was using an example to which the Corinthians would relate. Corinth was where the Isthmian games were held in a staggered yearly timing with the Olympic games. Since the Isthmian games were in honor of the Greek god Poseidon, there were sacrifices to this false god as part of the festivities.

The competing athletes were so committed to their sport that many were willing to give their lives for a corruptible crown. Paul had a terrific example of a worthless crown because the crown they were competing for was woven out of celery. Think how long that celery-crown would have looked nice before it wilted and rotted, unlike the fancy chrome trophies of today that sit on shelves gathering dust.

Some of the “games” were horrifically brutal and often resulted in the maiming or death of one of the opponents. In one competition, which involved a combination of boxing (“beateth the air”) and wrestling, the only two rules were no biting or gouging out of the eyes, but breaking bones, dislocating joints, and choking to the point of death were all fully acceptable and encouraged. Would Paul have attended, encouraged participation in, or endorsed such things? Not a chance.

Paul used these games as an example of how foolish for a man to spend his time training, competing, and possibly giving his life for something that has little value. How much more we should discipline our flesh and follow hard after things that have eternal benefit, not pursue the games of the world. We are to invest our time and lives in pursuing the crown that everyone can win and doesn’t fade or decay.

Some also might think that these verses from Hebrews could also be used by those endorsing sports for Christians, so let’s investigate them.

“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 12:1)

The author of Hebrews is using an example of a foot race involving a crowd watching to see how determined and prepared the participants are. He calls special attention to a runner’s weight. If you haven’t noticed, a competitive runner is smaller than he might be because every pound of extra weight is a great hindrance to his performance. Additional body weight will not disqualify the dedicated runner, but it will burden him, perhaps causing him not to win.

The writer of Hebrews is trying to convey how easily we are entangled in the things of this world that weigh us down, that hinder or prevent our service to the Lord Jesus. He is not suggesting we get involved in a foot race. He is cautioning us not to be burdened with things that will impede our spiritual performance, and he is encouraging us to patiently run the spiritual race set before us.

A direct application of this verse would be our time usage. We all have only twenty-four hours in the day to be busy about what the Lord has called us to do. I don’t think I’ve met a man who will disagree that sports are a horrendous stumbling block to many men (usually never themselves). These “other” men squander vast amounts of time to the idol of sports in their lives. Even if we ignore idolatry, just the wasting of the most precious commodity in life—our time—is serious in itself. Sadly, sports has to be one of the greatest examples of a weight that burdens men down today. In those homes where there is time for the “big game” with the cheerleaders and beer commercials, there is likely little time for family Bible and one-on-one interactions with the children.

I would like to give you three sections of Scripture showing how Paul uses examples from daily life to help his readers understand a spiritual concept, but he isn’t directing that they live out the actual example.

“If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not? let us eat and drink; for to morrow we die.” (1 Corinthians 15:32)

Paul is not suggesting that we die in the arena by the wild beast, nor is he endorsing living an indulgent life of being merry with food and drink. He is saying that there is no benefit if we give our lives in service if there is no resurrection.

“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.” (2 Timothy 2:3-4)

Paul is not telling us to enlist in the army, wear helmets, and carry guns as good soldiers of Jesus Christ. He is strictly making a spiritual analogy relating soldiers being prepared to endure difficult situations to Christians not being distracted by the affairs of this life. We are to be fully committed to the service of the King. In fact sports would be a good example of “affairs of this life” that entangle so many men today.

“And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:3)

Paul is not promoting that we give everything we have to the poor, nor that we volunteer to be burned at the stake. He is making the point that extreme self-sacrifice is of no profit if we don’t have charity.

Another section of Scripture that will be suggested to justify time spent on sports is 1 Corinthians 9:22-23.

“To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some. And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.” (1 Corinthians 9:22-23)

Is Paul saying we compromise truth and what he teaches in other verses to win the lost? Is Paul saying that if the world pursues sports, then Christians are to pursue sports so that they can reach the world? The world also pursues alcohol. Should Christians pursue alcohol as well? Is Paul suggesting that we go to the local bar and share a “brew” with someone in hopes of leading him to Christ?

I have yet to read a verse that indicates we compromise truth in our lives. If that was the case, then there would be no need for Scripture because the “silver bullet” excuse for not living according to God’s Word would always be, “I was doing it to reach the lost.”

A sports example consistent with this verse would be if we have a neighbor who is crazy about sports and he spends all his time at home watching them. One would not shun him because of this. When interacting with him, one would not tell him he is wrong or wasting his time. One would listen to the things he wants to share about them. Listening will not compromise truth, and it will not defraud. On the other hand, to go to the sports bars, watch the game, and drink with him would be a compromise, a snare to ourselves, and something we couldn’t do. For the sake of matters of preference, we seek to win the lost. However, we never compromise on matters of integrity or purity.

I trust that it is clearly seen that Paul was in no way promoting that believers should participate in sports. Just because David had several wives, it does not mean that Scripture endorses polygamy. Sports is a prime example of something that greatly hinders believers’ service of the Lord Jesus. As I mentioned previously, we need go no further than to look to many homes where sports take precious time away from the family being in God’s Word every day. Clearly, sports are no friend of the serious believer. For more information on this, I suggest you listen to our audio Sports-Friend or Foe?. We continue this series next month.

Sports – Part 1

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Here is an e-mail I recently received:

“I read your last article about the grandparents, and you said that your family doesn’t do sports. I am very interested in this philosophy and would like to know if you have Scripture that backs this up, or is it just your family’s preference? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I know you have very good family values and back up your writing biblically. I was wondering if you could give me the reason your family doesn’t do sports or possibly is it just organized sports that you are talking about?”

From discussions with families, I have found that any negative mention of sports can be a very hot topic. I remember presenting the session “Preparing Sons to Provide for a Single-Income Family” (we also have a book with the same title) at a homeschool conference where I made one brief comment about sports being a hindrance to a young man learning vocational skills.

After the session, one mom cornered me as I left and expounded on all her reasons why sports were wonderful. For the next thirty minutes, she was the buzz-saw, and I was the wood as she vented her justification for spending large amounts of time on their passion. There have been other professing believers who have let me know in no uncertain terms how important sports are in their lives.

If you are a Christian and committed to sports, I’m not trying to pick a fight, because I have more profitable things to do with my time. If you can’t read this with an open mind, then please simply stop reading now. Each of us will give an accounting to the Lord Jesus for the way we use our time and the decisions we make, so let each be persuaded in his own mind. This Corner is for those families who would like to hear what Scripture says about sports as the writer above has requested. Please pray that I will be faithful in sharing the Lord’s heart in this matter.

This Corner is not written to the lost because, frankly, for them sports may be a better use of time than many pastimes in which they could be engaged. However, even for those who don’t base their lives on the Bible, logically speaking, sports may still not be the best use of a child’s time, provided the parents have normal, vocationally-related, long-term goals for their children.

Therefore, it is important to clarify that this Corner is written to families where Dad is:

  • saved
  • striving to raise his children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord
  • deeply committed to leading his family consistently with Scripture
  • sincerely desiring God’s best for his family
  • not simply avoiding sin

We need to begin by defining sports for the purpose of this discussion because there are a wide variety of activities that are called sports, and some are beyond the scope of this Corner. The first use of the word “sport” in Scripture is found in Judges 16:25: “And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars.” According to Strong’s Talking Greek and Hebrew Dictionary, the Hebrew word for sport is sahaq and is also translated to play (10 times), laugh (10), rejoice (3), scorn (3), sport (3), and five other words. To play and have a good time is a primary thread woven into the fabric of why sports are important to families today and a key aspect of its definition.

Next, I went to a number of resources to see what our modern English definition of sports would be. Merriam-Webster primarily defines sport as “a source of diversion, recreation, a physical activity engaged in for pleasure such as an athletic game.” To compete is the heart of most athletic games, and compete is defined as follows: “To strive consciously or unconsciously for an objective (as position, profit, or prize): be in a state if rivalry.” Finally, rival is defined as “one of two or more striving to reach or obtain something that only one can possess.” So for the purpose of this discussion, let’s define sports as “physical activities that are fun or pleasurable where the purpose is to compete and win against another person or team.” Whether the sport is officially organized and whether a score is kept have some bearing, but we won’t make that part of the definition.

Now, let’s consider a couple of verses that present the foundation of the Christian faith. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved” (John 3:16-17). Might we sum up the Christian faith in the words self-sacrifice and love for others who don’t love us? Briefly put, it means, in response to the Father’s great love, Jesus obediently gave His life so that sinners (losers) might be made righteous (winners) and have a relationship with the Father through Jesus. Glory!

That is why Jesus would say to His disciples in Matthew 16:24: “. . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” If fun is our motive in activities, no one is going to take Matthew 16:24 seriously because there is nothing fun about self-sacrifice and self-denial.

Now compare the above Scripture to sports. If my readers can be open minded, it is seen that sports are the antithesis, the exact opposite, of the Christian faith. The basis for sports is that we have fun as we compete against others with the goal to defeat them, resulting in me being number one and my opponent being the loser. Sports are all about winning and making someone else the loser. My rival is crushed in defeat so I can be the best.

On the other hand, the Christian faith is where we can all be winners, and we are all trying to attain the crown together. I help you, and you help me. We all win together. “Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing” (2 Timothy 4:8). Sports train us to receive pleasure in putting ourselves first and others down. However, life in Christ is all about putting ourselves last while we attempt to lift others up.

Some may think that when a team works together to win they are helping those members of the team who are less able or skillful to all win together. Again, an open mind will see that the spirit of competition and being first is predominant inside the team itself. From our experience and from others’ feedback, even in fairly noncompetitive leagues, within each team, the good players “win” the best positions and opportunities. The poor athletes are given token playing time and become champion benchwarmers. The reality is that sports are all about winning and defeating the opponent. Jesus is the One “Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works” (Titus 2:14). Jesus gave the example of “losing” (death on the cross) to win us away from the penalty of our sin.

I want to share just a few other verses that highlight ways in which sports are the antithesis of the Christian walk.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.” (Romans 12:10)

We are to teach our children to love others—wanting them to succeed before us instead of crushing them for our pride and recreation. I expect almost everyone has heard belittling comments addressed to the opposite team. Anger is rampant among spectators, and in doing research for this topic, I read Internet news articles stating what a problem anger is for organized youth sports activities.

“For I could wish that myself were accursed from Christ for my brethren, my kinsmen according to the flesh.” (Romans 9:3)

Paul was willing to go to hell, the ultimate defeat, so that others would win a relationship with the Father.

“For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Romans 13:9)

Sports fuels pride in that to be a champion I must defeat my neighbor.

“Who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.” (1 Timothy 2:6)

If one team gave themselves so that the other one would win, it wouldn’t be fun any longer, and no one would come to watch.

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:25)

I can’t help but wonder how many marriages have been ruined because of husbands having this spirit of competition so ingrained in their hearts. They don’t understand that Paul, by the Holy Spirit, is teaching us that we are to give our lives for our wives, not compete against them.

“I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

If I am bought with His blood, purchased to be a righteous instrument in the hands of Almighty God, then I am to give myself for others as well.

There is so much more to this topic that we will continue it in the next Corner. The first step is understanding how deeply contrary sports are to the life of Christ. Will we have the mind of Christ or the heart of the world? Are we raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord or in the “me first” way of the world?

A Follow Up to the Deception Series

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After my recent series of Dad’s Corners called Protecting Against Deception, I received an e-mail with a very real situation that is regularly faced by families.

This is part of that e-mail.

“Oh the discussions that we have been having with the ‘fun’ articles being addressed in the Corners. Thank you for the salt!!!

“We don’t think we could have put into words what my soul was feeling, but this has been really hitting me hard. We fully agree with your words and are encouraged and challenged to consider our actions, activities, and time all the more. Our struggle in reading this is how to lovingly address our parents. Our parents confess with their mouths that Jesus is their Lord and Savior. However, they are very bothered with how our family operates—we don’t participate in sports, we have family devotions every evening, and (to them) our children go to bed way too early.

“We struggle so much with what to do with our parents. We know that we are to honor them. We have six children, and two of them are really wooed by the ways of our parents after being around them. They tell us how they sometimes feel in conflict because what Dad and Mom says is different from what Grandma and Grandpa say. Our parents want constant entertainment (and have the means to do just that), and so are constantly talking to the children about going to Disneyland, etc. They have recently retired and talk to the kids about how bad work is and how great it is to surf all day and play. Our nine-year-old says he wants to be just like that. 🙁

“How do you deal with this conflict? We feel like the souls of our children are at risk with the influence of their grandparents.” A Parent Following the Narrow Path

Isn’t that just how it is? There are always so many others who think they know best how we are to raise our children. The writer of this e-mail refers to grandparents, but it can be aunts, uncles, friends, neighbors, or even those from church. Any of them might take it upon themselves to pressure us to conform to their ideas of how the Christian life should be lived and “our” children raised. Therefore, we must expect people to pressure us to conform to their way of raising children.

When the pressure comes, we need to quickly evaluate the fruit that might result from following that advice. Will the fruit be good fruit if we follow the offered counsel? “Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples” (John 15:8). Will the fruit be bad fruit? “Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:15-20).

There are two pretty clear concerns shared in the e-mail. “Our parents want constant entertainment.” What is the likely fruit of this mindset? The fruit of an entertainment lifestyle will be those who are lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God. “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:4).

The second concern is: “They [our children] tell us how they sometimes feel in conflict because what Dad or Mom says is different from what Grandma and Grandpa say. . . . Our nine-year-old says he wants to be just like that [the grandparents].” Children will be pulled to follow their grandparents, especially when it is a fun-filled path. It becomes a very difficult thing to teach our children to respect their grandparents when the grandparents choose a worldly, entertainment, self-seeking lifestyle, while still wanting them to follow their parents down the narrow path of self-denial and serving the Lord Jesus. Jesus tells us plainly of this dichotomy: “No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24). The fruit these parents are concerned about (and should be) is that the children will be forced to rebel against either the parents or the grandparents.

How does a Christ-led family contend with such a challenge while still protecting and raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? Ignoring it in the hopes it will go away will most likely not yield good fruit. This is evident by the statement in the e-mail: “They [the grandparents] are very bothered with how our family operates.” This shows that the grandparents, even though professing faith in Jesus Christ, are not willing to follow Him in practice. “Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). In addition, the grandparents have taken their disagreement with the parents’ choices in how they follow Jesus directly to the children. That is serious.

All families will vary to some degree in the path they are following. However, when an adult takes his disagreement directly to the children, it conveys a total disrespect for the parents’ authority, and that is guerrilla warfare. We see clearly in our world when this sort of warfare is ignored by a country, the country’s leadership is usually eventually toppled. Why should we expect different results in a family setting? Understanding the seriousness of this situation is important in establishing a plan for restoring a proper relationship.

At this point, the difficulty of honoring the grandparents while protecting the children will lead to some degree of confrontation. Honoring does not mean we ignore our God-given responsibility of bringing our children up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Raising the children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a responsibility the Lord has given to the parents not the grandparents. The question that must be answered is whether the grandparents will respect the parents’ responsibility before the Lord.

Therefore, one approach would be for the parents to ask to come over to the grandparent’s house to discuss something. If the grandparents tend toward anger, then a public setting might help temper their responses, so going out for dinner is a possibility. Begin the time with prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit to lead and guide the discussions so that the Lord is glorified, allowing the family to be strong and unified in the Lord Jesus.

After prayer would be a good time to ask the grandparents if they desire to see their grandchildren raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Tell them you would like to share with them the vision God has given you for your family so that you can do just that. This is why it is important that every family has a written vision statement and the Scripture to back up each item. Explain to them your vision statement, and read the Scripture that goes with each point explaining how you are intending to arrive at each goal. Then ask them if they will give you their full support in following the Lord’s direction for your family. Hopefully, they will affirm that direction.

If they can’t agree to what you are asking of them, listen carefully to why they reject your vision and the path you are choosing. Be willing to pray about it and seek the Lord. But if they clearly have a worldly focus, then comes the tough part. In our out-of-control legal society, grandparents have been given certain rights that vary by state, and one needs to be careful not to stir up a hornet’s nest. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). Scripture affirms that we are to do everything we can to avoid conflict. However, we always stop short of compromise. Be careful, though, because I’ve known some parents who seem to be looking for reasons to “cut off” grandparents who are not like-minded. Rather than that, I would encourage you to be seeking ways to make the relationship workable. We all would appreciate supportive grandparents who encourage us in the decisions we are making. However, that is often not the case, and then one must seek the praise of God more than the praise of men even if it means difficult decisions with family members.

Parents must check their hearts very carefully. Look for ways to love and honor grandparents without compromising in what God has called you to do. When grandparents are not supportive, one can still honor them by fellowshipping together as a family. That way the parents are always there. They know what is being said and whether the activities being done together are consistent with the calling for the family.

It really becomes hard if there are still comments in the family fellowship setting by the grandparents that undermine the direction of the family. If so, make a simple private request that the grandparents restrict comments only to those that are supportive of the family’s direction. If the grandparents are resistant, then the parent can plead with the grandparents for support. “Dad and Mom, you were allowed to raise us as you felt right. Will you not give us the same freedom? We love you and would be so grateful if you could do this.” Always gentle, loving dialog conveying respect is how we are to interact, but without compromise.

Situations like these can be so very difficult. However, by following Jesus’ direction for the family, He will lead us in how to work with those who disagree. The very last resort is that it may be necessary to restrict the time that the children can be with someone who will not support the family’s direction. If it comes to that point, then may the dad be willing to pray, fast, seek a softening of hearts, and wisdom for Dad and Mom. The Lord will be faithful in showing a way. May we be faithful in following Him.

Protecting Against Deception – Part 9

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To begin, if you haven’t read the full series on Protecting Against Deception, we would encourage you to do that.

In this Dad’s Corner we finish our look at one of the greatest deceptions that professing believers have embraced wholeheartedly. This deception is that “fun” is something reasonable for a believer to pursue and invest his time into.

Someone recently asked me, “I wonder if your family avoids all entertainment?” Maybe answering that question is a good way to begin this Corner.

I love amusement parks, especially those with the fastest, highest, most thrilling rides. I have always loved them, and it is still in my blood. So of course when our children were old enough to take along with me, I delighted in giving them the same appetite for thrilling rides. Teri would get motion-sick, so she didn’t enjoy these types of activities, but she could do other things by herself, right? In addition to amusement parks, I love small two-man airplanes, sailboats, and motorcycles. If it moved, I found it fun and a worthwhile use of my time and finances. A big problem with that type of adventure, though, was coming up with the cash to keep the fun flowing.

Years ago, when we lived in Florida and then in Washington State, we had great fun going to professional baseball games. This was something that we could do together as a family. However, it was expensive, so we couldn’t do it very often. As I look back now, I’m troubled that I took my young, impressionable family into an atmosphere of drinking and immodesty. Sadly, I don’t remember being troubled by it then.

When we lived in Florida, our two oldest boys joined Little League baseball as soon as they were old enough. We loved going to their games and watching them play. We considered it a great family activity. As they grew older, they continued to play baseball and were very good at it. For almost six months of every year, our lives revolved around baseball practices and games (including all-stars). We were the typical American Christian family.

Also during those years we watched TV, but we found that we were becoming increasingly troubled by what was being broadcast. Over time we became more and more selective in what we watched. Through no coincidence, Teri and I were reading the Bible individually every morning. Looking back, we can see the correlation between our time spent in the Word and our growing disdain for the worldliness of television. We finally dropped all normal TV broadcasting and went to very selective Christian video watching for a time.

However, the more our family read the Bible, the more we came to see all entertainment as chaff. Understand that this really wasn’t our idea or plan. Our flesh loved entertainment. We often found ourselves trying to justify spending time being entertained, but the Holy Spirit kept using God’s Word in our lives to reveal how empty entertainment was compared to those things “above.” The Apostle Paul had no time for things which did not edify. “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not” (1 Corinthians 10:23). We were finding ourselves of Paul’s persuasion concerning entertainment and fun. We began leaving behind the amusement parks, baseball games, and television.

The next reasonable question you might ask me would be, “Does the Maxwell family ever have enjoyable times?”

YES, YES, YES!!! The root question really is, “What does the Maxwell family take pleasure in doing?” I will begin by sharing what brings our family joy. I will first list each in an overview fashion and then go into more detail. We love our time in the Word, individually and as a family every day. We love being together and talking. We love ministering as a family and working together.

As stated many times over the years in these Dad’s Corner articles, our family takes great enjoyment in reading the Bible every day. We each read individually in the morning when we first get up. Teri, Christopher, and Sarah have separate rooms they read in while the other children and I gather in the living room. We all have our “spots” and sort of “snuggle in” for our personal Bible reading time. When I put my Bible down, the other children who are with me do the same, and then we pray individually. Even though we aren’t reading out loud, just being together thrills my heart.

Our evening time reading the Bible is equally special and treasured. I have shared much detail about family Bible time in my audio called Feed My Sheep, so I won’t go into the same detail now. Every night we take turns reading two Bible verses as we go around the room and then discuss what we read of a chapter or two of Scripture. We also share a particular verse that stands out to each of us that we want to apply to our lives. We then have a time of asking forgiveness if we have wronged others in the family but had not set it straight earlier in the day, and finally we close with a hymn. Teri prays with the girls at bedtime, and I pray with the boys. Our days would be so empty (non-edifying) without that time in the Word.

Our family takes great pleasure in fellowshipping as a family. At mealtimes and in the evening, we simply enjoy being together and talking. Jesse, my youngest son, calls these times “chatteries.” We don’t have to have something entertain us to get us to want to be together. We actually like being together. We love sharing what our day has been like and what we learned in speaking with others. Often this is when we will tell the family about opportunities we had to share Christ during the day.

One of our family’s favorite topics is discussing what our nursing-home church members have told us when we were together. Once that gets started, it may be awhile before a new topic begins. Even though there is not a non-family member within forty years of their ages, the children love ministering at our nursing-home church. They delight in talking with the residents before and after our service.

We love to minister to others because it gives us great joy. Even though our road trips involve a lot of work and can be exhausting, everyone loves them. For hours of driving time after a conference, the children take turns telling what they learned from those with whom they spoke.

We especially love to tell others about Jesus and what He has done for us. An excellent place affording that opportunity is the homeless shelter where we go one Saturday afternoon a month. Nathan, my oldest married son, is the one who introduced us to the shelter. Frankly, I would be happy not to go because I’m out of my comfort zone there, but it is always a blessing once we go. We also delight in sharing Jesus with telemarketers, store checkout personnel, and the people we meet while traveling.

I believe having no entertainment in our home is one clear reason why our children take great joy in helping others. If Nathan, who lives across the street, is doing a project for Grandad, who lives next door, and needs some help, our children will delight in taking their personal time to assist. They are quick to want to help other neighbors as well, as time permits. However, if one raises children on a diet of fun and entertainment, that is what they will seek, and they will most likely shun being a servant because it isn’t fun or is boring to them.

When I go to visit my mom, who lives three hours away, I take one of the children with me, and we have a great time together. It is a blessing as I have time with one of my children, and we minister to my mom. It is a joy for me to be with my children and for them to be with me. We don’t have to do “fun” things to enjoy being together.

There are occasional bike rides together with my boys. The purpose of the ride is not to have fun, but rather to spend time with them while getting some exercise. We often take family walks together, and regularly this includes Grandad and Grandma along with my children and granddaughter. We enjoy these walks greatly because we are able to fellowship and exercise.

Working together as a family is also a great blessing. As book titles were being added to our family ministry, we came to a crisis point with no place to store more books. As we discussed options one day, we learned that Christopher was happy to buy our current house so that we could build a house with a bigger basement that could be walk-in accessible. This meant that we no longer would need to carry the many boxes of books down into and then back up out of the basement.

The family wanted to work together to build the new house because that is the only way we could afford it. In between speaking trips and school schedules we spent many enjoyable, but hard, often sweaty hours working side-by-side. We have posted numerous pictures on our blog along the way. I believe it is by God’s grace and by not developing an appetite in our children’s lives for entertainment that we have the privilege of having children who enjoy working. What a blessing!

Fun is the world’s alternative to joy. Joy costs us nothing while the pursuit of fun through entertainment is both costly and addictive. Instead, may we be addicted to ministering. “I beseech you, brethren, (ye know the house of Stephanas, that it is the firstfruits of Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the ministry of the saints,)” (1 Corinthians 16:15). The joy of the Lord comes through obedience to Him and yields eternal fruit, while fun lasts only as long as the money holds out.

Do those professing faith in Christ deserve entertainment? The world has deceived believers into thinking that fun is an acceptable use of time, something to be sought after and deserved for hard work. Sadly, every minute that is wasted on fun is time stolen from something profitable and the duty to which we are called. Listen to Jesus’ example of an unprofitable servant: “So likewise ye, when ye shall have done all those things which are commanded you, say, We are unprofitable servants: we have done that which was our duty to do” (Luke 17:10). Today I hear such gross exaggeration of what we are free to do. The reality is that we are servants of Jesus Christ, and we are to be busy about His business.

Jesus said, “. . . I have overcome the world” (John 16:33), and He has overcome the world with His life’s blood. If this is true, then why do so many professing believers spend so much time pursuing the world and its entertainment? James tell us, “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God” (James 4:4).

The more someone invests his time in fun, entertaining things, the more his heart is drawn to the things of this world. “For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Let your loins be girded about, and your lights burning; And ye yourselves like unto men that wait for their lord, when he will return from the wedding; that when he cometh and knocketh, they may open unto him immediately” (Luke 12:34-36).

Let our joy, our delight be in the things the Lord has called us to do. Then our hearts will be drawn to things above. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2). My heart is saddened when I hear people attempt to justify their fun entertainment. Paul is so clearly saying we are to set our affection on those things above, not on things of the earth.

The deception is that we deserve to have a fun time and that it is an acceptable use of our time. The truth is that we deserve hell, and by God’s grace He gives us eternity with Him. “No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:4). Will we be found ready when the Master returns?

Protecting Against Deception – Part 8

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To begin, if you haven’t read the full series on Protecting Against Deception, we would encourage you to do that. Now, as we continue our Dad’s Corner series on deceptions to which believers fall prey, let’s investigate another one.

Let me give you some clues to help you identify the deception we will focus on in this Dad’s Corner. What word is frequently used when describing a motive to do something? What word has amassed enumerable stolen hours in its treasure chest? What word equals Balaam’s secret weapon? What word shouts victoriously over ministry, witnessing, Bible reading, or service every time? What word separates the modern church from the church for which Jesus died? What word is likely quite responsible for the modern church not being “salt and light” to a dying world?

Merriam-Webster defines this word as: “what provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically : playful often boisterous action or speech.” Its synonym friends are: jest, sport, game, and play. By now you likely know the word that is the world’s most treasured friend—”FUN.” Perhaps there is more time wasted in fun’s honor than for any reason. It is important to clarify that we are referring to those activities that are not sinful in themselves, but that are enjoyable, pleasurable, and entertaining, and that steal our time away from pursuits that are edifying and productive.

A Google search for “fun” turns up 667 million sites one can visit if he lacks for fun. Even though the Bible is the most treasured and printed book of all time, it only returns 118 million Google sites referencing it. Sadly, fun’s popularity far outweighs the Bible’s.

What does the Bible say about our “friend” fun? That is a slight challenge because the word “fun” does not appear in the Bible. We must begin by looking at the definition of fun, which we saw earlier was “what provides amusement or enjoyment.” Webster’s dictionary defines amusement as something entertaining. In essence, we see that fun is something that is an end in itself; it is pleasurable. Today pleasure, fun, and entertainment are synonymous. Fun is not sinful in itself, but oh, what a powerful weapon it is in the hands of God’s enemies.

Remember from Part 6 of this series, I said, “One way to confirm a deception is to see if Satan promotes it and what the Lord’s position is on it.” In these next verses we see both Satan’s promotion and the Lord’s condemnation of pleasure. “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God” (2 Timothy 3:1-4). Doesn’t that seem to describe what we observe today?

Let me remind you of one of the protections from deception from Part 3 of this series: “By directing us to what edifies, He doesn’t have to have an endless list of things that we can’t do. When we focus on what is good, then what is harmful is not a danger.” Is that what we find in churches today, or are we also seeing this love of pleasure soundly advancing upon the professing church? I expect it would take little objectivity on our part to look no further than the calendars of many churches to see that to which God’s people are being drawn. Is it fun, or is it edifying?

First, we could consider the youth activities that are the training grounds for the church leaders of tomorrow. What do we see? Is fun the bait used to draw the church’s youth and outsiders to the group, or is it edifying pursuits? What is used to bring them in must be used to keep them too. When observing the youth, do you see sober teens or silly, fun-loving teens? Paul warns, “Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded” (Titus 2:6). A diet of fun does not lead youth to be sober and service minded.

Next, it would be good to look at the church activities for the adults, especially the men. Again, are they edifying or fun? I understand that the churches’ justification of the use of fun is to draw men in the doors of the church, but sarcastically I question: Did not Jesus, the God of creation, think of this? If this was a good thing, why did Jesus not use fun things to draw men to Him? It wasn’t because it wouldn’t be effective, since we know that man is drawn to pleasure. I believe Jesus didn’t use fun to bring men to Himself because it would not have been edifying. It wouldn’t produce the fruit that He desires in us.

Often we receive e-mails from moms seeking encouragement because their husbands waste precious time on fun things, while discipling the children and the needs of the home are left untouched. Every hour men spend doing fun things is one less hour available to do that which is worthwhile, that which is edifying. Our time on earth is so short. How will it be used—on fun things or those activities that bear eternal fruit?

Here is another verse where we find God’s mind on pleasures and fun. Jesus tells us plainly, in the parable of the unfruitful seed sown, the result of pleasure in a life: “And that which fell among thorns are they, which, when they have heard, go forth, and are choked with cares and riches and pleasures of this life, and bring no fruit to perfection” (Luke 8:14). The pleasures of this world will choke out the fruitfulness of a believer’s life. Wouldn’t that be a delight to Satan? We see the truth of God’s Word being lived out today in our now-pagan nation. I believe that the professing church’s effectiveness in reaching a lost and dying world has been quite effectively neutered by the power of fun. As I said in the Dad’s Corner, Balaam Rides Again.

To determine whether or not we are being deceived, we might look to our lives and see what place fun and entertainment have in relation to spiritual fruit–bearing activities such as time in the Word, serving the Lord, discipling our children, and serving our families. It would be good for each one to do a Bible study and try to find out how God’s men used their time. I’ll give you a hint. They didn’t spend time being entertained—the Romans did that at the coliseum. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). I believe Scripture teaches that we are here on this planet to be instruments of righteousness (Romans 6:19) in our Savior’s hands.

Another test of whether we have fallen victim to the deception of fun might come from Part 2 of this series: “First, we can see that when we have a negative attitude toward God’s clear commands, we open ourselves up to false doctrine.” 1 Corinthians 10:23 says: “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.” Do we have a negative attitude toward this directive from the Lord? Do we think we deserve to spend some time having fun? Does it sound too confining and unrealistic to evaluate activities to see if they are edifying? Do we set in the balances “edifying time” and “fun time,” considering it acceptable if “edifying” tips the scale over “fun”? Remember Eve’s response when the serpent questioned her on God’s command?

This is a heavy discussion of a deception. For many years, my family and I were victims of this deception. It was only through our time in the Word and choosing to follow after that which is edifying that the Lord began to open our eyes to fun’s delusion. The Lord has used this change in our family’s focus to so transform us that we want to challenge others to evaluate whether they are being deceived and then to encourage them that they will be happy with a path away from fun if they were to choose it.

Next month we will look more into fun’s deception, what we receive when we avoid fun, and what we can do if we don’t look for fun.

Protecting Against Deception – Part 7

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If you received e-mails with the following questions, what Scripture would you answer with?

“We have three children, and my husband does not want any more. What about vasectomies and tubals?”

Or,

“We believe permanent measures are wrong, but what about natural family planning?”

Our discussion of Satan’s deception against children began in last month’s Dad’s Corner (Part 6). I encourage you to read that article and the whole series.

To respond to the questions about having children or not having them, one has to begin with Who/who is in charge of planning families. The world tells Dad and Mom to decide how many children to have. However, God’s very first recorded command to mankind is, “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth . . .” (Genesis 1:28). God has not told man to stop; as a matter of fact, after the flood, He reiterated it twice: “. . . Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth” (Genesis 9:1); “And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply . . .” (Genesis 9:7).

Nowhere in the Bible does the Lord tell a husband and wife to plan how many children to have. This issue of the number of children is critical to each family. If God intended for parents to make that decision, would He have left that direction, whether explicit or implicit, out of the Bible? “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). What Scripture says is that children are an heritage (Psalms 127:3) and that we are to go and multiply (Genesis 9:1).

I have had a few men justify limiting children by saying that God tells us to plan as in Luke 14:28: “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” Yes, planning is good as long as we are being consistent with all Scriptural commands. Oftentimes Scripture can appear to say one thing when just one verse is considered. However, Scripture must be evaluated in context, and the context of Luke 14:28 is a discussion of the faith of being a disciple of Jesus.

The two verses prior to 14:28 are: “If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26-27). The Lord is teaching us about the true cost of being His disciple. In essence, this verse is teaching the exact opposite of us planning a family; we are being challenged to have the faith to let Jesus control our lives. Do we have the faith to receive the good gifts He wants to give?

A practical application of Luke 14:28 is that thinking about the future is good. There is an important difference, though, between planning for what the Lord chooses to send us and planning to hinder His will for our lives. Proper application of Luke 14:28 in regard to family size would be for the couple to say, “Lord Jesus, we are committed to being good stewards and not wasting money so we will be ready for any children You choose to send us.”

In 2 Kings 13:15-19 there is an account of Elisha and Joash, where the wicked king of Israel came down to Elisha. Elisha told Joash of an arrow that Joash shot out the window: “. . . The arrow of the LORD’S deliverance, and the arrow of deliverance from Syria: for thou shalt smite the Syrians in Aphek, till thou have consumed them” (2 Kings 13:17). Elisha then told Joash to smite the ground with the arrows. When Joash quit after striking the ground with the arrows only three times, we are told that Elisha was angry because Joash only smote the ground three times and not five or six. What Joash didn’t know is that each time he struck the ground it represented a victory the Lord would give him over the Syrians. He felt he had struck the ground enough and quit.

Sadly, many, many families tell the Lord “enough” when they fail to trust Him for the future and how He desires to use their family to glorify Him. “As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth” (Psalms 127:4). Families seem content to settle for fewer children, not realizing that children are like arrows in our hands to reach a lost and fallen world.

The most common reason we hear for not wanting more children is that the parents believe more children will be a hindrance. There is no doubt children will greatly impact a person’s life, but so much depends on a person’s frame of reference. Have we “got Jesus” as some have a rabbit’s foot in the pocket, and now we can live life to the fullest with no fear of hell, or are we purchased by the blood of the Lamb and here to glorify Him with our lives in whatever way He chooses to use us?

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). If our heart’s desire is to wholeheartedly follow the Lord Jesus, families will find that children are the opposite of being a hindrance; they become part of a family’s credentials. “If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly” (Titus 1:6).

Some would say they are concerned about being able to provide for more children. How does the Lord Jesus speak to that concern? “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed? (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof” (Matthew 6:30-34). Little comment is needed because the Lord clearly states that we are to trust Him to provide for our needs.

A number of times in the past, when I told my dad that the Lord was blessing us with another baby, he asked, “Where is the money going to come from for another child?” I would say, “The Lord will provide for what He sends our way.” And He has. We are told to deny ourselves and follow Him. He will provide.

Yes, they may “cost us,” but aren’t we bought with a price and stewards of His money? Would the Lord give us children if He didn’t want us to have them? Would He give us children if He wouldn’t provide for them? Of course not. Isn’t it a matter of faith and learning to depend on Him?

A side note here: What is the solution if a family trusts the Lord with family size and yet they struggle financially? A dad must fervently seek the Lord to find out why needs aren’t being met. “And I set my face unto the Lord God, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes” (Daniel 9:3). When we have faced difficulties without answers, I turn to my Lord with a fast for as long as I can handle it. God has always answered. Children are a great stimulus to improve our walk with Christ. They sure have been in mine.

I don’t believe there is such a thing as “natural family planning” condoned in Scripture. Any understanding of a normal husband and wife relationship and human physiology cries out against this misguided concept. I have had some support this notion by referencing 1 Corinthians 7:5: “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not. . . .”

I want to be discreet because we know children sometimes read the Corners, but this is not teaching natural family planning. The closest one can get to supporting family planning from this verse would be that if the family’s life is in such chaos and trouble, the husband and wife would fast and abstain for a time. However, I’m confident the vast majority of couples are not fasting when they think they are “applying” this verse.

Then we have e-mails from people asking us whether “permanent” means to limit children is a sin. With Teri’s depression, we permanently cut off the possibility of more children. I wrote about that in a previous Corner (We’re Reversed a Bad Decision), and so I won’t go into that here except to say the God changed our hearts as we studied Scripture.

Tubals and vasectomies are considered permanent means of surgically “breaking” something that was healthy. Doctors are given skills to heal and restore, and those should not be used to destroy something God-given and wonderful.

“For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s” (1 Corinthians 6:20). This verse tells us clearly that believers are purchased by the blood of Jesus. Our bodies are not our own to do what we want to do with them. We are to be good stewards of Jesus’ property.

God would not give us permission to “break” something that He has control over. He would simply choose not to give us more children if that was His will. We have to face the reality that surgical sterilization is taking control over something we don’t want God to control. This is difficult to say. Please understand, I speak out of love, and I am not being judgmental. I wonder if sterilization might be analogous to one aspect of suicide. Both take into control what God intended to be under His control. What do you think?

Any time we go against God’s will, it is sin, and worse, when we take permanent measures, it likely takes away any future option of a change of heart. God was so merciful in giving Teri and me children after I repented and had a reversal. However, I’ve talked to many families who haven’t been able to have children even after a reversal. Don’t presume upon His grace. Certainly, don’t take permanent measures to limit children.

When we travel, we often encounter families who trust the Lord to decide how many children they will have and to provide for babies that He sends. I frequently sense a spirit of faith and peace in their lives. I have spoken with so many families who surrendered this area to the Lord Jesus, and they rejoice at what He has been doing in their lives ever since. Regularly, we will receive e-mails from a family who first chose to limit their family size, but then the Lord changed their hearts. We rejoice with them when they write to tell us that they are expecting a baby.

If you have chosen to limit children, seek the Lord to see if your reasons for limiting children are selfish—most are—and if so, repent. The world has deceived families saved by the blood of Jesus. Please, please, “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness. …”

Protecting Against Deception – Part 6

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To read the first parts of the series, you may do so here.

When a man has been deceived, he doesn’t realize it. In fact, he may even get angry with someone who implies that he has been deceived. That is the way it is with so many Christians today, in that they have taken the bait—hook, line, and sinker—in the greatest deception of the age. How could so many be deceived? Remember, we are deceived far more easily when the deception appeals to the flesh.

Almost everyone with an e-mail account has received a scam e-mail telling him that help is desperately needed. The e-mail will explain in great detail that someone very important and wealthy died, leaving a huge sum of money that is just waiting to be claimed. The e-mail will continue by pointing out that if you will help them, this vast some of money will be yours.

Most people receiving that e-mail know it is fake, yet many people are being fooled by it. There are so many being taken by the scam that when we went to our bank to arrange a money transfer for a missionary in Africa, we had to sign a paper attesting that we had been warned about fraudulent offers. Here we are in little Leavenworth, Kansas, and there had been people from our city who had withdrawn tens of thousands of dollars and wired it overseas with the hope of getting rich.

The bank officer told us that it was usually the elderly who were falling for this hoax. If several from our town have been deceived by this, then think how many around the world are being tricked out of their life savings. What makes the deception so tempting is the fact that it appeals to greed. People want to get rich quick. That is why the lotteries have been so successful in fleecing those who have the least to spend. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). The bait appeals to our sinful nature, and we want to believe the lie. That is why so many are deceived.

Even though those reading this would not fall for a hoax such as sending your savings away on a get-rich-quick deception, there is one that is far more serious, and vast numbers of Christians have been hooked by it. Not only have they fallen for it, they will relentlessly defend the deceived position and pressure those who have not been deceived. This is the same progression we see in Psalms 1 concerning the scorner: “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful” (Psalms 1:1).

First, the susceptible Christian will listen to the counsel of the ungodly. That bad counsel, which is after the tradition of men (Colossians 2:8), will lead to his taking this ungodly position for himself and standing firm in his belief of it. Finally, the last step is that he will sit in the seat of the scornful and loudly proclaim the deception to be true in his attempt to convert others to this way of thinking.

One way to confirm a deception is to see if Satan promotes it and what the Lord’s position is on it. I want to walk you through one of these deceptions that is devastating to families. This particular deception is the deception that children are burdens and not a blessing and that parents are to decide how many to have.

The phrase “pass through the fire” occurs eleven times in the Old Testament. It referred to a horrific practice of offering one’s children to demonic idols. In Leviticus 18:21, God specifically commanded that the Israelites were not to do it, and He referred to it as an abomination in 2 Kings 16:3. “And thou shalt not let any of thy seed pass through the fire to Molech, neither shalt thou profane the name of thy God: I am the LORD” (Leviticus 18:21). “There shall not be found among you any one that maketh his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that useth divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch” (Deuteronomy 18:10). It is clear that Satan’s agenda is to destroy and limit godly seed, but to God this is an abomination.

Egypt, which is an Old Testament type of the world, took a position against godly seed when Pharaoh commanded the midwives to kill all the newborn Hebrew sons. “And he said, When ye do the office of a midwife to the Hebrew women, and see them upon the stools; if it be a son, then ye shall kill him: but if it be a daughter, then she shall live” (Exodus 1:16). The world, under the “prince of the world,” desperately wants to limit godly seed.

Just this week a man driving a delivery truck was speaking with my sons, Joseph and John. He asked how many children there were in our family, and they told him eight. He replied, “Whew. God said to multiply, and that is what my wife and I did. We multiplied twice, and that is it.” Here he was a professing believer, but he had clearly misapplied Scripture, either intentionally or ignorantly.

The first time God commands “man” to multiply is in Genesis 1:28. “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth” (Genesis 1:28). It is the first command that God gave man. Also important to note is that it is His first blessing on man. The Hebrew word for “multiply”—raba—according to the Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament means “become great, many, much, and numerous.” When used in relation to days, raba means a long life; when used with wealth, it means to become rich. As we study the Word of God we can quickly see that “multiply” means to make numerous or many. God told Noah to be fruitful and multiply, and He never rescinded that command for us.

What is God’s heart toward children? In Psalms 115 we are told that the Lord will bless with children. God sees children as a blessing. “The LORD shall increase you more and more, you and your children” (Psalms 115:14). Probably everyone is familiar with Psalms 127, and in particular verse 3: “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalms 127:3). Here we are told that children are a heritage of the Lord. The word “heritage” means inheritance. Amazingly, they are both an inheritance from the Lord and to the Lord, if they are raised in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The fruit of the womb is His reward. Next to salvation, children are the greatest reward we have from the Lord. If God calls children an inheritance and reward, why would anyone ever choose to limit children? Could it be because they have listened to Satan’s deception and are not listening to what the Lord is saying?

What if someone phoned you and said, “I have a truckload of gold I would like to give you. Do you want it?” Of course everyone would readily accept it. What if he called again with the same offer? What if a third time? A fourth? People would not say they have too much gold. Could a willingness to receive gold but not children reveal a carnal focus rather than a heart for God? To some that may sound strong, but think about it. Study and meditate on God’s Word and what He has to say about children.

Have you noticed that to justify abortion, people will bring up the extreme circumstances and use them as a reason why abortion should be an option? In the same way, I will receive e-mails from families wanting to let God give them children but detailing all sorts of seemingly impossible situations as to why it seems that the family shouldn’t have more children. However, if God is the giver of children and knows fully every family’s situation, shouldn’t we look to Him to decide whether He gives a child? That is why this area of children is the greatest challenge concerning whether a family is willing to trust God with all of their lives.

“But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). A very reasonable application of this verse is that parents should allow children to be born into the family. We see Jesus’ love and desire for the children, when even the disciples would send them away.

Just like the e-mail scam, we are vulnerable to the deception concerning children because that deception appeals to our flesh. Children take our time and our finances. We have to deny ourselves if we are going to bring our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. They are often inconvenient, causing us not to be able to do what we want to do. When viewed from a fleshly position, life is easier without children.

Through Scripture we can observe God’s position on children as opposed to Satan’s disdain for them. We can then see how great the deception is that has been wrought against Christians. As with any deception, when our eyes are opened to it, we will repent and turn away from it, embracing the Truth instead. In the case of children, may we repent and embrace the good gifts that God wants to give us.