Category Archives: Dad’s Corner

Owning a Car Doesn’t Mean Someone Knows How To Drive

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In the thirteenth chapter of Numbers, we find an account of great sadness. The children of Israel were sending in twelve men to spy out the land of Canaan before they went in to conquer it. That account parallels the challenges that we dads face in raising our families in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Ten of those men failed the test before them, and sadly many dads are failing as well. Let’s look at this section of Scripture together and see how we can avoid the pitfalls to which these men fell prey.

“And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying, Send thou men . . .” (Numbers 13:1-2a). Here we find that the Lord is telling Moses to go spy out the land. Moses chose a man from each of the tribes. These were leaders in the Israelite community, men of position who were likely destined to become rulers when the elders in each tribe passed away. Likely, they were young enough to be able to endure the physically challenging mission with sufficient maturity to handle situations they might face. These men were the “creme of the crop.”

The spies were embarking on a dangerous journey that would test them to determine whether they were actual leaders or mere figureheads. When a man marries, he instantly finds himself in a position of leadership. However, that doesn’t mean he knows how to lead just as owning a car doesn’t mean a person knows how to drive. As the months and years pass, it becomes obvious whether Dad is a true leader or one who is just filling the position. There isn’t any official training that Dad receives to teach him how to lead his family. The more he has been in the Word and applied what he has read, though, the better prepared he will be to lead his family. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness” (2 Timothy 3:16). This will be the basis for wise decisions.

Moses’ directions for the men were that they would, “see the land, what it is; and the people that dwelleth therein, whether they be strong or weak, few or many; And what the land is that they dwell in, whether it be good or bad; and what cities they be that they dwell in, whether in tents, or in strong holds; And what the land is, whether it be fat or lean, whether there be wood therein, or not. And be ye of good courage, and bring of the fruit of the land. . .” (Numbers 13:18-20).

On returning from their mission, the leaders appeared to be successful in their assignment. There were no casualties, and they brought back a cluster of grapes for everyone to observe the fruit of the land. The excitement would have been tremendous as everyone gathered to hear the report after being gone forty days. “And they told him, and said, We came unto the land whither thou sentest us, and surely it floweth with milk and honey; and this is the fruit of it. Nevertheless the people be strong that dwell in the land, and the cities are walled, and very great: and moreover we saw the children of Anak there. The Amalekites dwell in the land of the south: and the Hittites, and the Jebusites, and the Amorites, dwell in the mountains: and the Canaanites dwell by the sea, and by the coast of Jordan” (Numbers 13:27-30).

We aren’t told who was giving this fearful account to the people, although we do know from the passage it wasn’t Caleb or Joshua. Likely, it was collective and affirmed to be true from all ten of the twelve. Yes, they confirmed what the Lord told them—that it was a land flowing with milk and honey. However, they were giving a negative report that would fuel terror in all the people. Here were hand-picked “leaders” who were fearful and undermining Moses’ leadership along with God’s direction. Moses’ important direction to the spies before they left was that they should be “. . . of good courage.” Yet, they had succumbed to fear.

Have you noticed that it takes COURAGE to be a good leader? It seems to me that it is easy to become fearful as we face challenges. Others can be quick to criticize the decisions we make, and that can cause us uncertainty and concern. Even without criticism, when so many others are making popular choices as they follow the “broad worldly path,” it can make the direction we are heading feel questionable. How will our chil

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A Helpful Tool

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Another new year is upon us. Do you dread it or look toward it with anticipation? Are the decisions you are making for your family consistent with the Lord’s direction for your family this year? Are you endeavoring to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord with all your strength (Ephesians 6:4)?

Dad is the leader and sets the course for the family. Often he will make global family decisions that become family “policy,” so to speak, setting forth consistent behavior for the family members. Making family policy decisions are not only helpful but also great safety-nets.

The best policy a dad could make is to have family Bible time every night. If this is a policy, then it has a place on the schedule, and it will happen every night. Dad never has to answer questions from his children about whether or not they will be having family Bible time or when it will be. Everyone knows family Bible time is on the evening schedule and expects it to happen at the scheduled time. For more information on how to do family Bible time, please see the two-CD set Feed My Sheep.

Here is another family policy example. Ever since we moved to Kansas, we had the family policy that the children didn’t participate in sleepovers. That saved me from having to make some difficult decisions involving whether or not our children would be allowed to spend the night when invited to do so. Families tell us of struggles they face when their children are invited over to homes for sleepovers where they don’t want their children to go. They don’t know how to say “no” to the requesting parent without offending him. Since we have a policy set, I don’t have to make individual decisions based on the family, and not participating in sleepovers avoids the bad fruit we experienced when our older three were young.

Some policies could be primarily implemented for the children’s safety. The no sleepover policy was partially motivated by concern for our children’s safety. Another safety policy that was in place for the boys during their years of lawn mowing was that they were never to go into a customer’s home alone.

A practical family policy is that we don’t buy things from unknown door-to-door salesmen. If we don’t know the person, we simply tell him that we’re sorry, but we have a policy not to buy from anyone who is not from our neighborhood. Ninety-nine percent of the time, the person accepts the decision and walks away.

We have also adopted a policy of not watching movies. It’s been close to twenty-five years since we abandoned watching TV (the Beast), but for around five years after that decision, we would watch an occasional movie. However, we found movies to be inconsistent with our biblical goals for our family, so now in addition to a no TV policy, we have a policy against watching movies too.

From overhearing conversations at our conferences, I can tell that families are quick to recommend videos to other families. “It’s a great movie. You have to see it!” However, everyone has different tastes and biblical goals for their family so what is good to one might be highly objectionable to another. The only way to know if it is a bad movie is to watch it. At that point you have invested your precious time, likely your family has seen what you didn’t want them to see, and it’s too late to undo harm done. So for us, it is simple! What a blessing. There are no decisions to make. Since we have a clear policy, we aren’t tempted to stray. “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished” (Proverbs 22:3).

Family policies can be very helpful, but they do have an aspect that should be considered before making one. It is important that Dad establishes policies only after carefully hearing from the Lord so that it is unlikely you will have to rescind it. We have observed families with policies about clothing, head coverings, music, and activities who later reverse those policies. If the justification in making the policy is that it is Scriptural, what does it mean if it is later changed? It is possible to cause your children confusion and even resentment if you make and then rescind a policy that the Lord didn’t direct.

The basis for making the policy is important especially regarding those policies having to do with the spiritual realm. Be clear when sharing the policy with the family as to why it is being instituted and how long it is to be in place. One way of phrasing it to the family could be “This is the best of my understanding of what Scripture instructs us to do.” That would be a very reasonable basis because we are all growing in the Lord, and we can expect our understanding to deepen as time goes on.

There is an interesting example of a family policy that is found in Scripture, and yet it is a surprise to me. “But they said, We will drink no wine: for Jonadab the son of Rechab our father commanded us, saying, Ye shall drink no wine, neither ye, nor your sons for ever” (Jeremiah 35:3). Jonadab made a policy for his sons having to do with wine and lifestyle. This particular policy was one that was to be adhered to forever for this family. I don’t see in Scripture that it is my place to make a family policy that extends to the children after they leave our home and begin their own families. I believe that God-directed policies will be for the children’s good as long as they are in our home. I think as the children become adults and see the value of our family policies that they will possibly carry them over into their families. Obviously, the Lord led Jonadab to make a command that extended beyond his children’s lives in his home; however, I want to be clear that I don’t feel that is an option for the New Testament father.

An example of a poor policy and rescinding of it, resurfaced this New Year’s Eve. Just prior to our family prayer time that evening, the Lord impressed me to ask John’s forgiveness for an event that had happened several years ago.

Eight years earlier I had made a decision that grieved John’s conscience. He would have been eleven years old at that time, and we were on a several week-long speaking trip. We were driving a van with a small trailer behind it, and our meals consisted of sandwiches out of a cooler or eating at restaurants.

A few years previous to this time, I had made a family policy that we would stop eating at restaurants that served alcohol because of the bar atmosphere and customary immodesty of the serving staff. John’s heart had fully embraced the policy even though it meant seldom eating Mexican food that was a family favorite.

I can’t remember the exact circumstances, but during this particular trip, I made the decision that we would eat at a Mexican restaurant. I knew the restaurant would serve alcohol so this would reverse the previous policy. I decided that I would go in and evaluate whether the restaurant had a bar atmosphere, or if it was simply a restaurant that served alcohol. Eating at that restaurant was a struggle for John because he knew it violated the policy that I had set in place. In looking back, I shouldn’t have made that policy in the first place, and then I was wrong to make the change because I was aware that it was difficult for him. It would have been better not to have eaten at restaurants that served alcohol then to reverse the policy and disappoint my son.

The Lord expects fruit from us, and family policies can be tools to help keep us on the right path. With day-to-day decisions coming fast and furious to Dad, it can be a welcome relief to have policies in place so that some of those decisions are already made. However, there needs to be caution in what the policy is and the justification for it. May we know how the Lord is directing us and follow Him wholeheartedly. Then as we look back on 2011, there will be no regrets. “Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with the whole heart” (Psalms 119:2).

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What Great Reward?

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New beginnings are upon us with the upcoming advent of another year. We like to begin fresh, leaving behind what wasn’t so grand. If only the new year was like being born again. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Then the slate would be totally wiped clean just like our sins were washed away when we are born again, but alas our past year remains with us.

What if the God of creation came to us and said we could ask for anything? What would we ask for—the past erased, new job, riches, power, fame? Solomon asked for wisdom, but what would we ask for? Our request reflects our heart focus. In Genesis 15:1-3, God spoke to Abram in a vision and told him that He was Abram’s protector and reward. “After these things the word of the LORD came unto Abram in a vision, saying, Fear not, Abram: I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. And Abram said, Lord GOD, what wilt thou give me, seeing I go childless, and the steward of my house is this Eliezer of Damascus? And Abram said, Behold, to me thou hast given no seed: and, lo, one born in my house is mine heir.” Abraham’s response indicated that rewards mattered little without children. Abraham was looking for a real heritage. “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward” (Psalms 127:3).

Abraham could have asked for great riches, but instead he wanted a heritage. His focus was on those who would follow after him—his children. Yet, Sarai was barren, and so the one who would inherit his possessions would have been Eliezer, his servant. To Abraham, godly seed was the earthly desire of his heart. I wonder how many today would choose children over riches.

Now let’s compare Abraham to another man from Scripture. As godly as Hezekiah was, he wasn’t too concerned about a righteous heritage but rather the things of this life. Soon after Hezekiah had been sick unto death, the king of Babylon sent emissaries and a present to Hezekiah which appeared to be a “get well” token. The Lord healed Hezekiah prior to their arrival. Hezekiah, honored with the visit, took them on a tour of the palace and his treasuries. In his pride, he wanted to impress them with his wealth and possibly win favor with the pagan, Babylonian king.

Hezekiah had just been healed from a fatal illness by the Lord, and all he cared to do was impress these men with his wealth. In reality, everything he had was from the Lord, but there is no record of him proclaiming the goodness of God or His mercy in healing him. There is no record of taking them to the temple of his mighty God Who healed him and the One Who was responsible for all that Hezekiah had. Hezekiah was proud, and his focus was on material things.

We are given a confirming view into Hezekiah’s heart by the dialog that took place between him and Isaiah. Isaiah came to Hezekiah after the emissaries left to return to Babylon and asked him what they had seen. Hezekiah answered, “All the things that are in mine house have they seen: there is nothing among my treasures that I have not shewed them” (2 Kings 20:15b). Hezekiah revealed the treasures of his heart. He showed them what he was most proud of and delighted in.

As a rebuke to his pride, Isaiah pronounced the Lord’s chastening on Hezekiah. “Behold, the days come, that all that is in thine house, and that which thy fathers have laid up in store unto this day, shall be carried into Babylon: nothing shall be left, saith the LORD. And of thy sons that shall issue from thee, which thou shalt beget, shall they take away; and they shall be eunuchs in the palace of the king of Babylon” (2 Kings 20:17-18). What a consequence! God is saying that all the treasure Hezekiah delighted in would be taken, and his sons would be carried away to Babylon as slaves.

We can assume Hezekiah’s reaction to this bad news would be similar to a father who loves his children. In grief, he would cry out for mercy from the Lord. He would beg the Lord through repentant tears to reconsider. It had already worked once when Hezekiah had wept before God for healing from his illness, so why not cry out in repentance again?

The fact was, Hezekiah was satisfied with the judgment. Hezekiah had repented earlier when God’s consequence had meant his personal suffering and death, but since these consequences would come after he died to his children, he was accepting of it. Even more than that, his response was, “Good is the word of the LORD which thou hast spoken. And he said, Is it not good, if peace and truth be in my days?” (2 Kings 20:19). His proud focus was on himself, and he had no concern for his children as evidenced by the extreme wickedness of his son Manasseh.

Where are our hearts? What do we delight in? What consumes our attention and our time? Abraham was such a wonderful example to us of a godly father. As much as he loved Isaac and wanted descendants, he was determined to put God first, obeying Him, even if it meant sacrificing Isaac to his Lord. The love of Abraham’s life was Isaac and having descendants; earthly treasure was less important.

Abraham’s greatest treasure was his God, and next were his descendants. He had a heavenly focus. He wasn’t like Hezekiah, who is noted as a good king, but was concerned with his own pleasure, circumstances, and wealth. Abraham knew this earthly journey was a short one compared to eternity, and he was looking toward a heavenly wealth. Next, to our relationship with the Lord, those we touch for Jesus are the only things we take with us to heaven. If we will surrender our lives to the Lord as the One Who is our reward, He will use our lives in ways we can’t even fathom.

One way to avoid regrets this year is to trust God with our new year. He won’t make mistakes with our lives. “. . . no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly” (Psalms 84:11). God told Abraham that He was Abraham’s shield and reward. Amen. Is He our shield and reward as well?

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Bible Time for Children

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I’ve been asked a number of times about whether parents should require their children to have a time of reading the Bible each morning after waking up. They explain that they are concerned that their children might react to being required to read.

Let’s start by investigating whether there is a need for someone to read the Bible every morning. The Holy Spirit, through Peter, gives us excellent direction on this topic. “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: If so be ye have tasted that the Lord is gracious” (1 Peter 2:2-3). Actually, this applies not only to our children but also to us as parents. However, for the sake of staying on track, we will focus on our children. Peter is giving us a physical reality to illustrate a spiritual truth. Most everyone understands how healthy babies want to drink milk. In fact, they will become loudly insistent on acquiring their milk if they aren’t fed. All the baby knows is that it is time to eat, and he isn’t happy unless milk is on the way to his stomach.

Peter is saying that in this same way believers are to desire the Word of God. This desire is not necessarily a thought out process just as newborns aren’t really thinking through that they haven’t eaten for three hours and are hungry. Scripture is what our children need to grow, taking them from spiritual infancy to spiritual maturity. If a child isn’t fed physical milk, he won’t grow. How frequently does he want to eat? I remember our newborns. At first they ate every two hours, and it seemed as though as soon as they finished nursing, it was time for them to be fed again. They needed that nourishment to grow stronger.

As we travel, we see so many children who are in spiritual danger today. The appearance is that they aren’t getting spiritually fed as much as they require. I know that no parent, who wants God’s best for his child, would purposely spiritually starve him. However, after speaking with vast numbers of parents on this subject, I’m convinced that often Dad and Mom assume that having their children in church will be enough spiritual food. What newborn would live if fed only once, twice, or three times a week? For that baby to thrive and grow in strength, he needs lots of nourishment. For our families, worship with a local assembly should not be neglected, but it takes more than simply attending church to spiritually “feed” our children.

Peter started us with the analogy of how we want to “feed” our children the milk of the Word. We can also look to a mother’s example for more details on this process. When it is time to eat, does Mom feed the child in a noisy environment? Not normally. Teri would go to a quiet, pleasant place in the house to nurse a baby because there would be no distractions for the child. With newborns, it was less of an issue, but as the weeks went by, that baby was much more interested in the world around him. If there was activity around, the baby would stop nursing to see what was going on.

In the same way, the more worldly distractions there are in the home, the less interest there will be in the pure milk of the Word. MP3 players, computer games, or TV programs will all be noise and a serious distraction, enticing a child’s heart away from desiring to spend time in God’s Word. Dads will have to be on guard against the world’s distractions that will hinder his children’s time in the Word.

Not only does Mom get away from distractions, but she also makes the baby and herself comfortable during the feeding time. A mommy who wants to encourage her baby to eat will snuggle that child and hold him securely. What if Mom decided she wanted to be real efficient with her time, and she tried to jog on a treadmill while she nursed the baby? I suppose there might be some child somewhere that would nurse well, but the majority of babies would quit long before filling his stomach and wait for things to settle down.

Therefore, it is important in a loving, gentle way to make time in the Word comfortable and away from distractions. For quite a few years, I have gathered in the living room with six of my children early each morning for our personal Bible times. Everyone has his favorite chair, and some have a blanket to keep warm with while they read. We will normally fellowship for a few minutes before we all begin reading to ourselves. It is a delightful time for all.

I understand that many children will read their Bibles in bed before getting up, and that would be a comfortable setting as well. The negative of reading in bed would be that it could be a little too comfortable and easy to fall back asleep. When we meet together in the morning in the living room, there is friendly accountability to stay awake. This is much like the mom who is keenly aware of whether her baby is taking on nourishment or has fallen asleep.

What if a child is lost and has not made a real profession of faith? Should he still be expected to read the Bible daily? My question for you is: do you encourage your child to eat food that is good for him, even if it isn’t his preference? Most parents who want their children to be healthy and to instill good, lifelong eating habits will do so. Then we should ask ourselves, what is more important—the body or the spirit? Of course, the answer is the spirit. We must do all we can to spiritually feed our children what is good for them.

It is so important that the lost child reads his Bible. “So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11). God’s Word will not return void. It is that dry, barren soul that needs the life giving water of the Word. However, it is ever so important that we bring our children to the water of the Word with love and gentleness, and by example.

If all you ever did was command your children to eat broccoli and you never ate it, would they likely eat it willingly? Doubtfully. However, when you eat broccoli in front of them and are enjoying it, you are modeling good behavior. That is why our morning Bible time is so positive. I’m there with the children, and if one were to look at me, he would see his father in the Word right along with him. Often I will share something I learned that was a blessing to me after we finish.

We want God’s best for our children, and that means they need to learn to be in the Word personally every day. This will be the basis for their spiritual growth through their childhood and adult years. Part of the responsibility of bringing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) is to help them desire the milk of the Word. We set the example, give them time in the morning to read their Bibles to develop this habit, avoid distractions, and make them comfortable. May we be men who are committed to the Word and lead our children in this as well.

An Exercise of the Will – Part 2

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Last month we began looking at how a father communicates to his children when the Lord directs a change for the family, especially when that change impacts something with which the children are involved. The dad’s gentleness, presentation, and humility are all vital as he shares with his family if he is to win the support of his children and avoid having to make decisions where he is dragging his family along behind him. There is so much power in a family working as a team, serving the Lord, with one heart and mind. I encourage every father to invest what it takes to make sure that is the spirit in his family.

In last month’s Dad’s Corner, we left off in the middle of the information I was sharing about presenting the change to your children. Very critical in your discussion is applicable Scripture. It is important that the children understand the biblical basis of the decision so that they don’t view it as Dad and Mom pushing their personal preferences on all of them. For this particular example, I will list just a few of the many verses that Dad could use with the children to help them see why the Lord has led you to the decision.

“And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them” (Ephesians 5:11).

“He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight” (Psalms 101:7).

“But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart” (Matthew 5:28).

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world” (1 John 2:16).

“But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof” (Romans 13:14).

“And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts” (Galatians 5:24).

Is that something that each of them wants to do? Seek an answer from each one that they desire to do that as well.

Now you will want to move into the compassionate stage of the discussion. Share with the children how you know the decision might take some adjustment time, but that you are going to help them through the process. You can remind them that Jesus said, “. . . If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). Explain how that even though eliminating the beast from your home might seem hard, it would hardly be considered denying oneself. Let them know that you and Mom will be impacted too, but you want with all your hearts to follow the Lord’s direction for your family so you are happy to make any sacrifices that are necessary. Help them to understand that it will be a change for all of you, but you are committed to doing the right thing.

It is helpful to give Mom an opportunity to share her heart with the children in this discussion. Even if all she does is repeat some of what you have said, the children will observe that the two of you are united in the decision and direction. Working as a team is vital when a change is being implemented.

I also would suggest that you take time to allow the children to give you input. Listen to their concerns, fears, excitement, and practical suggestions—whatever is on their hearts. What you think they will object to might actually be something that they have been considering, and they are already planning ways to augment the implementation. You might find a resistant heart, but an arm around the shoulder with loving words of encouragement will go a long ways to soften that resistance.

Finally as we end these discussions, I like to ask each child whether he will follow me. My children have always answered that they would follow. Regularly they say that it is hard for them, but as time progresses, I can’t recall a decision that was difficult for the children that they haven’t greatly affirmed as the months went by.

Perhaps there is a child who continues to resist even after all that you have shared from your heart. Then what? Consider what would happen if your child had a serious illness he needed surgery to correct. You explain to him his condition and the surgery, but he says he doesn’t want the surgery. What would you do? If you loved your child, you would do what was best for him anyway. Isn’t it even more important that we have this same attitude for a child’s spiritual health? Just like the parent helps a child toward physical surgery, you will want to help your child toward spiritual surgery by spending time with him, continuing the communication on the topic, and being very gentle through the changes.

We do what is best for our children whether it is their preference or not. If a child at this point doesn’t want to follow you in following Jesus’ direction, then it is important to know that right upfront. This child will not make a good decision, has been influenced by the world, and is going to need an even greater amount of love and encouragement in the process.

Don’t forget to thank the children for following your lead. You can affirm their desire to please the Lord Jesus Christ and to trust you with this decision. Let them know how much that makes you happy and blesses your heart.

One dad told me that while the family was out, he had a friend come in and take the beast away. When the family came home, the children noticed it was gone and asked Dad about it. He said it was gone and not coming back. He said they were a little disappointed, but soon forgot about it, and life was better from then on. While I’m not suggesting you try this method of implementing a change in the family, I share it with you to illustrate how we can be fearful that what we are planning will be devastating for our family only to have it work out like it did here. The children were a little disappointed, soon forgot about it, and life was better—end of story!

In reality, I have found that times like these when we are setting out on new spiritual frontiers, is exciting for my children. They like the spiritual adventure. Children often become bored with a faith that doesn’t challenge them.

To help reinforce the decision, be on guard for situations that are a positive result of that decision. In our throwing-out-the-beast example, when Dad observes the children doing something constructive with their time, he reminds them that they wouldn’t have been doing that when the TV was in their home. When Dad is having nightly Bible time, he can tell his children how much he loves Bible time and being with his family. Dad will notice a host of positive changes in his family when the beast is removed so he needs to make sure that he shares those with the children.

There is something I feel the need to warn you about, though. When making positive changes that challenge the family, if Dad has compromises in his life, the children will view him as a hypocrite, be discouraged, and react to the changes. In this example of eliminating the TV, if Dad chooses to go over to his parent’s house to watch the “big game,” or is using his computer for late-night TV viewing, the family will feel he has a double standard. Dad will be seen as asking them to give up their entertainment, while not giving up his. We must be leaders that our families are willing to follow.

Paul knew his testimony was a good, consistent example such that he encouraged others to follow him as he followed Christ. “Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). That needs to be true of us with our families as well.

Inevitably as we follow the Lord Jesus Christ, there will be areas in our family’s lives that He desires to add or remove in order to draw us closer to Him and use us for His kingdom. These changes will impact our families. We want to consider how we can best present changes to our children in a spirit of love and humility so that they will understand and desire those changes. As we pray and seek the Lord’s guidance, may we be men who invest our lives into the lives of our children.

An Exercise of the Will – Part 1

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I’m guessing and hopeful that every family has had a situation come along where they felt the Lord was leading them to make some major changes, and they obeyed. First the Lord brought conviction to the hearts of Dad and Mom, and they came to the place of knowing they wanted to comply with that conviction. Next these potential changes were broached with the children. Dad wondered what the children’s responses would be as he presented this information to them. If only they would eagerly accept the new direction from the Lord, but he was concerned that there was going to be major resistance to it. What was the result? Was it an emotional and spiritual battle, or the children cheerfully following Dad and Mom’s leading?

Is there a way to make these transitions easier? Most certainly, but first let me give you a scenario that is quite sure to produce conflict and bitterness in the hearts of the children. Picture the dad who sits the family down sternly telling them that the old way is wrong, but the new way is good. He says that’s the way it is going to be, and he really doesn’t care what any of them think about it. I can assure you that this method may initially be less time intensive, but the damage done to the hearts of your children is hard to reverse, if it even can be reversed. There is a better way to handle these difficult changes that will draw the children’s hearts to you and your heart to them.

If Dad and Mom have the hearts of the children, then it will be far easier to introduce change into the family. If you find you aren’t willing to make a decision for the good of the family out of fear of how the children might react, that is a serious situation. It shows that you don’t have your children’s hearts and are more afraid of your children than the Lord. We are to fear God and not man. “But Peter and John answered and said unto them, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken unto you more than unto God, judge ye” (Acts 4:19). When God directs us to do something, we must do it. For more information on keeping our children’s hearts, I would direct you to our book by that title, Keeping Our Children’s Hearts.

In order to walk us through how to biblically, lovingly, and compassionately implement a change in the family, let’s look at a possible example of a decision and how Dad and Mom could go about presenting it to the children. Let’s assume Dad and Mom have been convicted that they should get rid of the beast (TV). Here is how Dad could go about such a dramatic change with his family.

God gives grace when we follow Him, so depend upon that grace through the process of implementing a change. “And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). When God directs and we follow Him whole-heartedly, we can rest knowing He will give the family the needed grace to follow as well.

It all begins in the prayer closet. Seek the Lord for His help concerning how to best present the change to the children. Ask Him to prepare your heart, making sure it is loving, tender, compassionate, patient, and filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Also cry out to Him to be softening the children’s hearts in preparation for what you will be discussing with them. Pray for His blessing on what you say and the outcome with the children.

Next you will want to determine whether it is better to have a family meeting to talk with all the children together or to meet with each child individually. I have done it both ways. When we decided to take our older two sons out of Little League Baseball, I started by inviting Nathan, my oldest son, to Burger King for a milk shake one afternoon. I told him I had something important that I wanted to discuss with him. I did the same thing with his brother. That allowed me to hear each of my son’s heart response to my request without their being influenced by the other.

Most generally, I call a family meeting by telling the family, after Bible time, that I have something that has been on my heart that I would like to talk with them about. I begin by explaining how the Lord has been dealing with my heart and Mom’s heart in a particular area. In this case, it would be concern over the influence of the TV in our home and the time wasted watching it. I explain that it is my desire to follow the Lord Jesus no matter what He tells us to do.

I generally confess that I have failed my family in the situation such as bringing the beast into our home in the first place, and I ask their forgiveness. I have had to ask my family’s forgiveness many times for bad decisions I have made. I’ve found asking forgiveness to be a good thing because it is a humbling process for me, it shows my children my sincerity, and I’m more careful when making future decisions so I that I won’t have to undo it in the future. I look each child individually in the eye and ask him to forgive me. I’ve never had a child who wouldn’t say yes.

You will want to tell the children what you decided to do and why you believe the Lord Jesus is leading you in this direction. Explain to the children what the benefits of the change will be. In this example of throwing out the beast, you could start by saying that you will be less hindered in having family Bible time every night, and that you are very excited about that possibility. Your enthusiasm for the change will be contagious. You could go into how they will not have the negative influence of the world affecting their hearts like it was with the beast. Commit to them that you will personally have more time to spend with them. Encourage them that the family will use their time more productively than they did when they were watching the beast. Let them know that you and Mom are looking forward to the elimination of the conflict that was occurring between family members over which TV show to watch.

This is only the beginning of the suggestions I would like to share with you concerning helping your family accept changes that the Lord is directing toward. When these changes affect your children, you would be benefitted to have a plan for how you will approach the situation so that you can bring their hearts happily along with you. Invest the necessary time helping the children understand the reasons for the decisions you are making. I will conclude this discussion next month, but for now I encourage you to consider how you have approached these situations in the past, what has been successful for you, what hasn’t, and what you might do in the future.

Daddy Tape

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A powerful tool in shaping the heart of a young child is called a “Daddy Tape.” When our children were young and had play alone and nap time in their daily schedules, we had something special for them on a cassette tape player. Teri would turn on the “Daddy Tape” before leaving the room where the child was to play or nap. If she was in a hurry and forgot to turn on the tape player, the young one was quick to remind her because the “Daddy Tape” was a very important part of quiet time.

We were given the idea for a “Daddy Tape” from the now-out-of-print book called Creative Family Times: Practical Activities for Building Character in Your Preschooler, by Allen & Connie Hadidan, and Will and Lindy Wilson, published by Moody Press. Since this book wouldn’t be available for you to purchase, I would like to share how we took the “Daddy Tape” idea and beneficially utilized it in our home.

Each of my five younger children, except one, had a “Daddy Tape” that I had specially recorded for that individual child when he was about a year to a year and a half old. To my shame, though, Anna didn’t have a “Daddy Tape” and had to listen to her older brother, John’s. I planned to make her a “Daddy Tape,” but kept putting it off until it was too late. Anna has reminded us in a good-natured way on several occasions that she was the one who didn’t have her own “Daddy Tape” but listened to another’s. I wish I had managed my priorities better when Anna was young, because if I had done so, she would have had her own tape like her siblings. “Daddy Tapes” were very special to my little ones. I planned to make a new “Daddy Tape” for each child every year, however that didn’t happen either. Again, if I had it to do over again, I would make sure that I updated those tapes with new thoughts and information appropriate to the child’s age.

There is an exceptional bonding that goes on when a child hears his daddy’s voice frequently. The same is true for the child of God concerning Jesus and His voice. We don’t hear His voice directly, but our spirits can be tuned to it by reading the Word daily. In a similar fashion, our children’s hearts can be pulled to us as they listen to us sharing words of love and encouragement to them everyday. John 10:3-4 tells us that “. . . the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out. And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.”

Let me tell you why those tapes meant so much to my little children. For thirty minutes, they would hear me as I shared my heart with that one particular child, calling him by name. I talked to him heart-to-heart and told him things I wanted him to know. I told him how much I loved him and how important he was to me. I encouraged him to be obedient to his mother and to be kind to his brothers and sisters. I read Scripture to him, talking to him about what the passage meant and how he could obey it. I shared goals I had for him and character that I wanted him to demonstrate. I don’t remember singing on any of the tapes, but that could be very special if there was a song on your heart for that child. A “Daddy Tape” is a wonderful way to multiply yourself and provide some “pseudo” time with a child. Our children loved listening to their “Daddy Tapes,” and I believe that your children will as well.

When my married son, Nathan, made his first “Daddy Tape” for his one-year-old daughter, Abigail, a few months ago, he had one comment, “That was difficult!” Oh, I remember that part too. I would be remiss if I didn’t prepare you that making your own recording can be challenging. “Daddy Tapes” were a real labor of love on my part. Some might think that a thirty-minute recording would be easy, but it wasn’t for me! I found that coming up with thirty minutes of worthwhile child-level material was challenging. Also, back then, we didn’t have editing software to splice out mistakes and replace them with good content. Instead I simply re-recorded a mistake, brute forcing it until I had thirty minutes of material. With all the trouble it was to record each “Daddy Tape,” I still felt that it was well worth the effort.

I found it best to make notes prior to beginning a recording. For days I would write these prompts on a slip of paper in my Bible. I would jot down a Scripture verse during my morning Bible time that I wanted to specifically share with the child for whom I was making the recording. I would meditate on the passage so I would be able to share insights from them on a child’s level. I also wanted to discuss with the child why those verses were important for him.

To help with this planning part of the “Daddy Tape,” I suggest that you think about shortcomings you are observing in the child’s life and ask your wife for her input. Then consider the positive behavior or character that is needed to compensate or overrule the negative struggles your child is having. If the child is very young, that might not apply, but you still can concentrate on strengths and the positive outcomes you desire.

Do you desire that your child is patient and kind? Talk on the tape about how patient and longsuffering the Lord is with us and how the child should be willing to allow others to go first. If someone else is playing with a toy he wants, then he needs to patiently wait for his turn. Talk about how he loves it when someone is kind to him and how he can be a blessing to a brother or sister by being kind. Encourage the child that his kindness will please the Lord, you, and Mommy.

What a delight it is to have grateful children. Use the “Daddy Tape” to teach gratitude. Talk to your child about saying “thank you” every time someone does something for him. Give him examples he can relate to such as saying “thank you” when Mommy gets him a drink or a brother reads a story to him. There really is so much content that can be developed for a “Daddy Tape” and so much power available in that teaching time. It just takes a bit of planning to get started, and then you will begin to see how you can expand your influence in your children’s lives through “Daddy Tapes.”

As I mentioned, my recordings of “Daddy Tapes” were simply a matter of hitting the record button on the cassette tape machine and beginning to talk. It helped greatly to talk relatively slowly so the child could follow what I was saying, and it helped me during the recording process.

When I made a recording mistake, I would rewind to that spot and begin recording over the top of the mistake. If I had been recording in a calm, slow pace, with a momentary pause before each sentence, it was easy to begin re-recording at that point when I had mis-spoken. Eventually, I had a thirty-minute tape that became my master.

I learned it was important to never let the master be played, but rather to always use a duplicate for the day-to-day use. Things happen and especially in a young child’s room. I remember the surprise we had when we found that one of the children had recorded his own special sound effects right over the top of a portion of Mary’s tape. We weren’t happy about it especially because Mary had been listening to the only recording of her tape that we had. That was before we learned the importance of a master and copies. With CDs, a child couldn’t record over what Daddy has on the CD, but CDs can be scratched or even broken. It is better to be safe than sorry.

Back in the cassette tape days, recording tapes was easy because most homes had a cassette recorder. The cassette recorder either came with a microphone, or you could use the built-in one. Today, CDs are the norm, and it takes a little more effort to record a voice on a CD. If you are not familiar with this process, I have written out some basic information to get you started. You will find it at the end of this article.

Making a “Daddy Tape” is not quite as simple using the computer as it was using old-fashioned cassette recorders, but with some effort, you will succeed. It is worth it for you to persevere. Tomorrow morning during your Bible time, begin jotting down notes and Scripture references as the Lord puts them on your heart that you would want to include in your “Daddy Tape.” Your children will be blessed, and Mom will likely find that the children have a new incentive for going to their play alone, nap, and rest times. “For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting” (Galatians 6:8).

Basic Information for Voice Recording on a Computer

I will hopefully share enough to get you started without making this into a CD-recording tutorial. If you have further questions, you will need to do some online research.

Whether you use a PC or MAC, both come with the ability to record to a CD. To do so, you will need a microphone, recording software, and recordable CDs. Most computers come with microphones these days, but if yours didn’t, they can be purchased for twenty dollars or less. External microphones will either plug into the microphone jack of your computer or be a USB microphone.

The recording software that comes with Windows and MACs is marginally acceptable, but it should do the job. Windows “Sound Recorder” is found under Programs, Accessories, Entertainment, Sound Recorder. It is as basic (and easy) as it can be and more closely resembles the old fashioned tape recorder. I recommend saving your file to the “My Music” folder so it is more accessible for when you want to copy it to CD.

When you are ready to copy your file to a CD (burn the CD), open Windows Media Player. Then click the Burn tab near the top of the display. Insert a blank CD. The challenging part is importing it into Windows Media Player so that you can burn it. The capabilities are there, but you will likely find it a bit challenging. The greatest difficulty I had with it was importing the recording into My Library so it was available to burn.

MACs can use Garage Band which is found in Finder and the Application folder. Click on the Real Instrument tab and select Vocals. Then click on the Red (record) button located near the bottom of the display, and it will begin recording, provided you have a microphone attached and the correct Input Source (Internal or external microphone) selected. Save your recording to the Desktop, and when finished, you are ready to copy it to a CD.

Insert a blank CD into your drive, and you will see an Untitled CD appear under Places. Click on it, and then drag the recording from your Desktop onto the Finder window under Recordable CD. Select the recording by clicking it once and then click the Burn button and you will soon have your first Daddy CD.

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Go Green – Part 2

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Last month we began looking at how we teach our children that time is the most precious, irreplaceable ”commodity” we have. We treasure time because we have a very limited and unknown amount of it. We begin to teach our children to value their time by modeling for them correct attitudes and behavior in how we manage our time. Last month’s Corner would be helpful to read prior to reading this Corner if you haven’t previously read it. We will conclude our discussion this month.

Family Bible time is an excellent opportunity to teach the basis for right decisions including how to value time. Foundational truths that we want our children to live by can be taught during family Bible time. As we go through Scripture with our children, we will discover verses that speak directly to a particular topic such as time management and other verses that we can use to teach secondary applications.

Two good examples of verses with a primary application of valuing time are: “Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:16), and “Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time” (Colossians 4:5).

There are also many other sections that teach about time from a secondary application. I picked three passages from Mark fairly close together as examples of how easy it is to use Bible time to highlight a particular topic.

“And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel” (Mark 1:15). In this verse, I would call attention to how John the Baptist is conveying a sense of urgency. Time is passing; and therefore, one can’t assume a decision for how to utilize our time can be put off for the future. It may be too late if it is delayed. Therefore, the correct decision must be chosen and acted upon immediately. If we don’t make the right decisions for our time, we may not receive a second chance to do something. We must use our time wisely. The few short years of childhood must be spent wisely preparing for adulthood and serving the Lord. If wasted, they can’t be reclaimed.

“And they departed into a desert place by ship privately. And the people saw them departing, and many knew him, and ran afoot thither out of all cities, and outwent them, and came together unto him. And Jesus, when he came out, saw much people, and was moved with compassion toward them, because they were as sheep not having a shepherd: and he began to teach them many things. And when the day was now far spent, his disciples came unto him, and said, This is a desert place, and now the time is far passed: Send them away, that they may go into the country round about, and into the villages, and buy themselves bread: for they have nothing to eat” (Mark 6:32-36).

In this passage, I would discuss how the people saw an opportunity to be with Jesus and took it. They dropped what they were doing and ran to be with Him. If they would have chosen to spend their time having fun, they would have missed being able to hear Jesus teach.

These people wisely made the best choice for how to use their time at that particular moment. As a result, they were able to listen to Jesus for an entire day. Then there was an added blessing—Jesus performed a miracle by feeding them all. In a similar fashion, as we choose to follow Jesus in how we spend our time, there will be good fruit that is reaped. As we spend time with Jesus, He desires to take what we have learned and apply it to our lives.

“And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s, But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life” (Mark 10:29-30).

From these verses, I would point out to my family how the Lord gives back to us far beyond whatever one might perceive to lose. Here Jesus was promising that there are blessings in eternity that far out weigh any sacrifices that we make on this earth. As we choose the best use of time, we must believe Jesus’ words that the eternal benefit far outweighs any earthly benefit.

Family Bible times are wonderful teaching times, and I’ve given a few examples of how you can use them to teach the value of time to your family. They will be blessed if you catch a vision for the wealth of practical teachings at your fingertips each evening while you are in the Word together.

Another great tool to teach our children to value time is for us to personally have and follow a schedule. We emphasized last month how our example is very important in imprinting truth in the lives of our children. Certainly having a schedule is a key aspect of this modeling process. Our schedules should reflect the vision that God has given us for our family.

Your children will observe that you are following a schedule because time is precious and not to be wasted. They will see that you want to be a good steward of your time. Our children need to see that Dad doesn’t waste his time on unprofitable things and that Dad spends his time with a view on eternity.

There can be much talk about how valuable our time is, but if we still choose to waste our time doing what the world does, we’ve gained nothing with our children. Instead, we’ve taught them that time is for our pleasure and enjoyment not the Lord’s glory. “Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away” (2 Timothy 3:4-5).

Our schedules should dovetail nicely with our wives’ schedules. Their schedules will include all the children and detail how each one will spend his time during the day. It is a great opportunity to discuss with the children why we do certain things and other things we avoid because they are a waste of time. To pray with the children and ask the Lord to direct in how He wants them to use their time highlights for them that all of our time is His time, and it is to be used as He directs. This ties back into those family Bible time discussions of time and how time should be spent.

If the children are young then Mom, consulting with Dad, will create their schedules. The older and more responsible they are, then they should be able to work with Dad and Mom to make their own schedules that will mesh with the family’s schedule. If they need a resource to help them, the young men could read Redeeming the Time and the young ladies Managers of Their Homes. Why not give your children a jumpstart in an area of life in which many parents are lacking? Time management is a great discipline to have, and with that skill your children will be far more effective in life.

These years of discipling our children are important in preparing them for life. Just as our children do schoolwork each day so they are properly educated for their adult lives, we need to teach our children to value time and then help them to implement what they have learned. If we teach them these truths, but let them waste their time in front of a TV, playing video games, or participating in sports, we’ve gained nothing. However, if we model for our children the value of time, teach them Scripture’s view on time, help them to make wise decisions on how they spend their time, and use a schedule as a family, we will be a tremendous blessing to our children.

If you would like more encouragement for how to raise children who will value and not waste time I recommend Preparing Sons.

Go Green – Part 1

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Everywhere I turn these days, it seems there is encouragement to “Go Green” and conserve our natural resources. I believe the Lord Jesus would have us to be good stewards of the world He has given us. Yet, it would seem that many have joined the frenzy with less than stellar motives. I’ve seen store ads take advantage of people stating many crazy “Go Green” reasons to purchase their products when a logical evaluation of those reasons showed there was likely little real benefit to the environment. When we stay in a hotel, there is usually a note to “save our environment” by not having the towels washed daily. While it is most certainly true that not washing towels every day will have a positive impact on the environment, the reality is that this saves the hotel great amounts of time and money in the housekeeping staff and laundry. Could it be that the hotel is all too happy to “Go Green,” but mainly because it benefits their pocketbooks? There are good things to conserve on, and others that mean little. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

With all the “Green Craze,” I’m very surprised no one has sought to promote conservation of our most precious resource. How could it have been overlooked? As a matter of fact, if anything, there seems to be a promotion to squander this most valuable resource, and it is the one resource that is one hundred percent non-renewable! Once you use it, it is gone forever. On top of that, it is the most priceless, precious resource we have. Have you guessed what the resource might be? Tick, tick, tick, tick.

I’m convinced that if there ever was a campaign worth championing, conservation of time through its wise usage is the one. I suppose that anyone who has been to one of our conferences or read any of our books would say we have flown this banner and rallied to support this cause since the inception of Titus2. Not only must we as parents embrace the need to treasure our time, but it is something we want to teach our children. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

In order to help our children learn to value time, we as their parents, must first model for them how precious time is to us. Our example shouts even louder than any words that we speak. What is our attitude about our time? Do we see time as the most limited and priceless resource we have on earth to be used only as the Lord Jesus directs? Tick, tick, tick, tick.

If we don’t treasure our time, we will be likely to waste it. “See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, Redeeming the time, because the days are evil” (Ephesians 5:15-16). The Holy Spirit, through Paul, is commanding us to buy up the opportunity to use our time for good. If we do nothing with our time, it slips through our fingers like sand with nothing beneficial to show for it. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

We model to our children our value of time by how we use our time – first with our Lord, then with our spouses, next with our children, and finally with others. How a person uses his time shows others his value of it. Compare the following two passages of Scripture. “If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:1-3). “And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry. But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided? So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God” (Luke 12:19-21). Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Colossians 3 begins with “If ye then be risen with Christ” which means, are you saved and do you have a mindset toward eternity? Believers, who have a correct view on life, know they are only on this earth for a short time and desire to use their time as the Lord directs. However, the carnal uses his time for things of the flesh. In setting his affection on things above, the believer loves God’s Word and makes it a priority to read it. He knows the Bible sharpens and empowers him so he avoids sin and can be used of the Lord. Sadly, I speak to many professing believers who have time for many other things each day but no time for reading God’s Word. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

The Luke 12 passage shows us those who are carnally minded are focused on having a good time on earth. They are not valuing their limited time as a great treasure. They are pleasure and entertainment minded much like the one who is not rich toward God. This world is all they have to look forward to; and therefore, they are making the best of it while they are alive. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Christians are to have a mindset of being pilgrims. This world is just something we are passing through. “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul; Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation” (1 Peter 2:11-12). Tick, tick, tick, tick.

We are to be on guard against those things that will steal our time away from the good works on which God would have us spend our time. It is as if we knew we were to catch a plane to heaven, but we didn’t know when the plane was leaving. We would only be given an hour to dash for the airport once the call came for us. So in the meantime, we wanted to be careful to use every minute wisely because we didn’t know how many more minutes we had left. Yet, Satan desires that we spend our time on things that have no eternal value. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

“For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey” (Matthew 25:14-15). We all have twenty-four hours to make available to our Lord. However, we each have varying abilities, which will affect what we have to show for how we spent our time. Will we give Him everything or just what is left over? Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Do each of us spend time with our wife and value each minute of that time? A wife is our helpmeet, but we are called to lay down our lives for them. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). Do we delight in time with that special one God has given us? Do we spend time as needed on the things she needs done, or do they seem as impositions? May we cherish each minute we have as we serve together with our wife. There is coming a day when one of us will go to be with the Lord, and she might be first. Live each day with her as if it could be the last. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

Dads often think their primary job in life is to bring home a paycheck. However the Spirit directs otherwise through Paul, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is our vital priority, and that will take enormous amounts of time. The Lord says He will provide for the family’s material needs, “Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?” (Matthew 6:31). Yes, we are to work, but as we spend our time in the ways the Lord directs, He will provide for the family. The minutes are ticking away while our children are in our homes. Each minute is precious and is important in shaping their lives. We will have no regrets if we are zealous that our time is used in obedience to the Lord Jesus. Tick, tick, tick, tick.

However there is a gluttony of things to do that waste time – there is no eternal benefit to them. “But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming; And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken” (Matthew 24:48-49). Fun seems to be the idol of today, and our great treasure – time – is sacrificed on the altar to this idol. May we treasure our time because there is a point when it is gone. Tick, tick . . . . . . . . .

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:20-21). For more information on valuing and conserving time, I suggest you read Redeeming the Time.

Lonely? Be Encouraged! – Part 2

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I received a couple of e-mails with some questions after last month’s Dad’s Corner on loneliness. This month we will expand that article by addressing those questions.

The first e-mail asked the following: “Although we have many friends and acquaintances, we feel lonely for likeminded families with whom we can relate. Currently, we are looking for a home church. (We live in Houston so if you know of any great churches in the area please let us know!) We have no church family with whom to meet and fellowship, and we do feel discouraged! It does seem to me that the Bible does emphasize that we do have a God-given need to fellowship with others. In fact, one of the first things God did in the Garden of Eden was point out that ‘it is not good for man to be alone,’ and He created Eve.”

The verse that is being referred to is Genesis 2:18, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”This verse is frequently cited as justification for getting married or, in this case, to find like-minded fellowship. There is no doubt that God created “man”with the desire to be with others, especially someone of like-heart, and that is good. Adam said of Eve, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh,”because she was the perfect match for Adam.

However, there is something very noteworthy in Genesis 2:18. Adam didn’t tell God that he needed a companion. God was the One to look at Adam, evaluate his life and the job He had for Adam to do. Then God was the One to say, “It is not good for the man (Adam) to be alone.”Finally God was the One to provide a help meet. Adam was content in the Lord. He didn’t say, “Lord, I’m not satisfied with just You. You aren’t meeting all my needs.”The Lord was the Initiator and Provider of Adam’s help meet.

Our Lord wants us to be most effectively used for Him, and He will provide for all our needs (although not necessarily wants). “Be not ye therefore like unto them: for your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him” (Matthew 6:8). I encourage those struggling with feelings of loneliness to decide to trust that God will give you what He feels you need to be effective as you serve Him.

I believe Genesis teaches us that God’s hierarchy of fellowship is to be first with the Lord, then with our spouses, then with our families, and then with others. In the Garden, God was fellowshipping with Adam, then He gave him Eve, and then children. There was nothing hindering God from creating, Adam and Eve, and Teri and Steve. He could have begun with a whole city in the Garden having created them all at once. They could have had wonderful fellowship with each other from the beginning including the perfect church that we all dream about. However, that wasn’t what God chose for the beginning of His creation.

I have observed couples that elevate fellowship to a high place that I don’t believe God ever intended it to be. There is much time spent fellowshipping, but then little time is spent ministering and sharing Christ. I would suggest that a family that is feeling very lonely be sure they are busy in the Lord ministering and serving Him. It is likely that the level of busyness such service will bring to the family will keep them from a focus on their loneliness. They will find fulfillment in their service that compensates for the lack of fellowship. Is it possible that fellowshipping becomes another form of entertainment when God desires that we are ministering to others and serving Him?

Since the Corner reader had no like-minded Christians to fellowship with, then they could have some lost friends over for dinner. After the meal, they could go into the living room and visit for a while and then have Bible time with them. (This all assumes the family is having daily family Bible time. If they aren’t, that is the first place to start, fellowshipping with their Lord Jesus.)

Our family loves having unchurched people over for a meal. We often will make this choice over fellowship with like-minded believers because our first calling is to minister and to serve, and it sure beats feelings of loneliness because of not having like-minded fellowship nearby. Expect that good fellowship will seldom happen and get busy in the meantime.

Another e-mail reads: “I felt as if I could have written in with the same issues. We have NO like-minded families in our church. My children and I desire to have fellowship with godly Christian families that we may be encouraged when times are tough and that we may be a blessing to them as well. Why are we commanded in Scripture not to forsake the assembling of the saints together? I believe that Christians need each other for sharpening, encouraging, helping, and praying for one another. But what do you do when there doesn’t seem to be anyone in your fellowship that is on the same page with you concerning family issues? Our church promotes youth group, and there aren’t other homeschool families with which we can fellowship. The youth are as the Dad’s Corner described, and the children’s department is much the same. We have so much to learn about building a godly family, and yet I don’t see that being taught in our church, and I desire to learn. I love the people and the leaders, but my heart cries out to the Lord for Biblical teaching in this area and for the fellowship of others who live out a godly family life. Yes, the Lord is enough fellowship, but might He still use believers to encourage, sharpen, and help us?”

The verse being referred to is Hebrews 10:25, but I will quote both 24 and 25. “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25). Verse 25 is encouraging that believers would not forsake or stop worshipping together. Many who are struggling with their churches, and feel the need to protect their families from the influences encountered there, are frustrated enough to stop attending corporate worship. This verse would speak clearly to that situation and instruct us to continue with corporate worship. The question to ask the Lord is whether He is leading this family to worship elsewhere.

If the Lord has put certain convictions on your heart and affirmed them from His Word, He may well be leading you to another place of worship where you will be built up and encouraged. I can’t answer that, but the Lord will.

For the Lord to tell us not to stop worshipping with others (in Hebrews 10:25) means that He has a place for us to worship. It is possible that some families can be quick to leave a church for the wrong reasons, and there are others that stay in the wrong church and try to change the church to conform to what they think it should be. I don’t believe either is good. If backbiting and gossiping about leadership to other members is going on, it is sin and not the way to change a church.

About eight years ago the Lord directed us to leave a church that we had been part of for the previous eight years. It was a difficult decision and what made it worse was we didn’t know of another church that was more conservative than the one we left. We cried out to the Lord asking where He would have us go. The answer surprised Teri and me. We felt the Lord telling us to move our Saturday afternoon (bimonthly) nursing home church service of over ten years to every Sunday morning. I called the activity director and explained what we wanted to do. She said, “Just this week the administrator asked me to find someone who would conduct a worship service for the residents every Sunday morning. Would you really be willing to do that?”Over eight years later, we are still worshipping in a nursing home dining room. We love it. The residents love their church, and they love us. In addition, we certainly have no problems with youth groups.

I’m not saying God has this for everyone, but I do believe that God has a place where He wants everyone to worship because of the teaching found in Hebrews 10:25. The nursing home has been the perfect place for us to minister and serve as we worship. My boys have regular opportunities to develop their preaching skills, and all of us can love, bless, and encourage those who are the cast-offs of our society. James would say that a nursing home church is an example of pure religion. “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world” (James 1:27).

I can’t help but wonder whether or not those who are starved for fellowship are fellowshipping first with the Lord and then with their spouses and their children. Are they actively loving and serving others in doing good? May each examine himself before the Lord. He will provide who and what we need when we have the need.