Category Archives: Child Training

What You Love

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Teri and I were putting cardboard in the recycling bin next to a man unloading cardboard from his pickup. He bent over and picked up a carton that he had dropped. To my surprise, he kissed it and said “This is the best beer there is!” Even more surprising, the haul of cardboard was from his “church”! That local church has a liquor license, and I have been told it sells a lot of alcohol. 

Brothers, I pray you aren’t using alcohol. I’ve heard all sorts of justifications for Christian’s using it, but I plead with you to consider it poison. I’ve seen so many ruined lives as a result of it. 

In the Old Testament we read, “And the LORD spake unto Aaron, saying, Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations” (Leviticus 10:8-9). The example that Aaron could not come near to God if he had been drinking was enough for me to never want to touch the stuff. As New Testament believers the Bible tell us this, “And hath made us kings and priests unto God and his Father; to him be glory and dominion for ever and ever. Amen” (Revelation 1:6). I desire to be close to my God always. If the Old Testament priests were forbidden from wine and strong drink when coming into His presence, alcohol would not be beneficial in my relationship with the Lord either.

Another thing to consider is even if you were able to control your use of alcohol to moderation, your example of using it, gives the green light to your children. What you might control, they likely will do in excess. I’m guessing you have seen examples of that already.”All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any (1 Corinthians 6:12).

Faith or Anxiety

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“Where faith begins, anxiety ends. Where anxiety begins, faith ends.” What do you think of those words? Do they have merit? That quote comes from George Müller, a Christian evangelist in the 1800’s famous for establishing orphanages in Bristol, England. He did not ask for money or donations, relying solely on prayer to provide for the thousands of orphans in his care. In my opinion, that man knew the reality of faith and anxiety better than most ever will.

Last month we talked about letting go of control. Why do we want to control? Often we are worried, anxious, or fearful about something so we try to do what we can to achieve the outcome we think is best. Our theme in last month’s Corner for overcoming control was trusting and obeying. He gives us responsibility for doing what He has called us to do – obedience. However, He hasn’t given us responsibility for the outcomes. We trust Him for those. Trust,which is faith, has the power to push anxiety out like the quote we started with says. But if you still find yourself with the worry and fear, what do you do?

Consider starting here. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7). “Be careful for nothing” means don’t be anxious or worried. We are to make that choice not to be anxious. We can do that by purposely not thinking about the anxious situation because the thoughts make us anxious.

What do we do instead of thinking about it? We pray. These verses explain the content of the prayer. We are to express thanksgiving and bring our requests to God. Isn’t that what 1 Peter 5:7 is also telling us to do? “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” We cast our cares on Him Who is able to deal with them. If praying in your head isn’t working for you, what about getting down on your knees and praying out loud? I have often found that I have to pray out loud and speak right thoughts out loud for them to take over the anxious thoughts. 

Then there is something that is to happen. God’s peace, a peace that doesn’t make sense, keeps our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. If that peace isn’t there, it likely means we are still holding on to control. We haven’t really cast our cares on Him. We aren’t thinking with faith and living in the mode of trust. If we give God our requests, the God of the universe is more than capable of handling them.

Then we have this verse: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee” (Isaiah 26:3). Wow! This is powerful. God wants our mind on Him not on our worries. When our minds are focused on our God, He keeps our hearts in “perfect peace.” Not just peace but “perfect peace.” Again we see our theme word – trust. Does it seem too simple? Would you say it doesn’t work? If so, I would ask if you have really done it. Have you taken your mind off the things causing the fear and anxiety and put your mind fully on Christ – worshipping Him, praising Him, thanking Him, and going through Who He is as God? Those are just three verses, but they are direct and clear. They are also easy to memorize. Can’t memorize? That’s what a very dear friend said to me for the past five years, but do you know what? She has just finished memorizing Psalms 121 and several other individual verses. She is thrilled. Her “I can’t” turned into “I can” when she put a little time and effort into it. What would those verses do hidden in your heart? “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee” (Psalms 119:11).

Memorize the verses that are God’s truth and His plan to battle your fear, anxiety, and worry. Then obey them – just do what they say – over and over, if necessary. You have allowed yourself years and years and years of habitual anxious thinking. It will be a process as you let your faith truly begin as George Mueller said.

Wants Over Needs

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We have had Arnold the cat for almost ten years now and lately he has gotten worse in scratching the furniture. So Teri bought some cat treats for training. He loves those treats (understatement). She gives him treats when he scratches on his scratching post instead of the furniture. The problem is he has become obsessed with the treats. Now we are dealing with that problem far more than the furniture scratching. 

Isn’t that the way it can be with the children too? It might be food or something fun that becomes a fixation that the child’s life revolves around. Sigh. They aren’t happy without it, and they share that lack of happiness with us. Hmmm. Thinking about it, are we any different? In one sense yes. We know better regarding a temptation, but we still give in. So isn’t it then worse for us because we know better. 

Our minds are to rule our bodies for the good of our bodies and God’s glory. Sadly the flesh can scream loudly to get what it wants. But God has given us His Spirit to direct our lives. 

“For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:5-6).

“This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16).

Can You Let Go?

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I can’t help but wonder if one of the greatest hindrances to us having peaceful and joyful hearts is our feelings of need to control. We may be strong in our desire to follow Jesus and be obedient to Him. However, in that zeal, the emotions surrounding our actions say that ultimately we feel the need to control outcomes. We emotionally respond as if we own the responsibility for the outcomes rather than trusting them to our Lord. I don’t believe we would say that is what we do, but our thoughts and emotions prove otherwise. 

One way I propose for you to evaluate this is to see if your life is characterized by the fruit of the Spirit, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Galatians 5:22-23a). Or are you more often experiencing feelings of fear, worry, anxiety, irritability, anger, impatience, frustration, and harshness? 

When we try to control our lives, our children’s lives, and our husband’s lives – for a good reason of course, godly outcomes for all, we take on responsibility that isn’t ours. The resulting pressure is simply not what the Lord intends for us. He gives us responsibility for doing what He has called us to do – obedience. However, He hasn’t given us responsibility for the outcomes. We trust Him for those. That reminds me of a song most of us probably know, “Trust and Obey.” That’s what faith is all about – obeying the Lord and trusting Him through it. That is where we are to be whether the outcomes are what we want them to be or not. When this is the case, we don’t have to be upset, frustrated, or angry. Did God not say?

The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Proverbs 21:1

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

When you have those negative emotions, consider their roots. Then think through if you truly trusted God in the situation, what would the emotions be that were associated with the situation. Would they be negative or positive? I can’t help but wonder if for most they would be positive – that fruit of the Spirit. 

So then, the antidote to an attitude of control is faith – one that not only acknowledges God’s sovereignty intellectually but lives that way. It is praying when something happens that isn’t the way we wanted it to be, rather than crying or yelling. It is speaking the truth in our hearts that our trust is in God, not ourselves. It is responding to a situation over and over in a godly way without falling apart when it isn’t changing. It is casting our cares on the Lord and letting go of the continual anxiety created by a burden to control. “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you” (1 Peter 5:7).

I believe when we evaluate our feelings of needing to control things and people around us, we will find that the Lord desires our faith and trust in Him as we obey His Word. May I encourage you to be faithful in fulfilling the responsibilities the Lord has given you. But in that process, let go of trying to control outcomes. In faith, leave them to the Lord. 

Psalms

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Several years ago the Lord convicted me that even though I read the Psalms each Bible read-through, I needed even greater familiarity with them. So I began an aggressive Psalms reading plan in addition to my normal, daily Bible reading. I have come to LOVE the Psalms and how it affirms the Old and New Testament truths in a beautiful personal, poetic style. 

One brief example was from reading Psalm 106 last week. Recently, I highlighted in Seriously how God commanded Israel against mingling with the nations because it would cost them their children. I did not use this verse, but when I read it after that Seriously I saw how it affirmed what happened when Israel ignored God’s command to destroy nations.

“They did not destroy the nations, concerning whom the LORD commanded them: But were mingled among the heathen, and learned their works. And they served their idols: which were a snare unto them. Yea, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters unto devils, And shed innocent blood, even the blood of their sons and of their daughters, whom they sacrificed unto the idols of Canaan: and the land was polluted with blood. Thus were they defiled with their own works, and went a whoring with their own inventions. Therefore was the wrath of the LORD kindled against his people, insomuch that he abhorred his own inheritance” (Psalms 106:34-40).

Did you notice the progression? Mingled, learned, served = cost them their children. 

Each time I read in Psalm 106, it breaks my heart to think of the Christian families who are following a similar path to Israel. God’s people are the same through the ages. He said be separate otherwise you will become like them. What about you and your family? Are you separate from the world, or do you fill your eyes and minds with what entertains the world? Are you on that destructive path?

Spring is Here

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Spring is here mostly. In Kansas it will vary one day to the next, but things are beginning to bud out. If you are like me, you are tackling yard maintenance while it is cool and before it gets out of hand. One thing I’m installing because it is greatly needed, is edging to separate mulch from grass. Without a barrier, keeping the grass out of the mulch and the mulch out of the grass is extremely difficult (at best). Last year I tried to weed eat the grass back, and I either scalped the grass or shot mulch everywhere. (I understand some of you are better weed eaters than me.) Barriers to provide separation are a very good thing.  

That is true spiritually as well. I’m grieved by many who imply they aren’t tempted by the weeds of the world. They think they can keep the weeds back from crossing into their lives. But from simple observation, it ain’t working too well for them. The spiritual slide is slow, and seems to be unnoticed by them, or they might make some drastic changes. 

In Deut. 7, God gave instructions for what Israel was to do when it went into the land the Lord was giving them. They were to remove all the people and everything that would draw their hearts away from God and to the wickedness of the world. “But thus shall ye deal with them; ye shall destroy their altars, and break down their images, and cut down their groves, and burn their graven images with fire” (Deuteronomy 7:5). The God Who created us knows our nature and how easily we are drawn to wickedness. Think about it. Here was a people who witnessed firsthand God’s power and holiness. If anyone could have stood strong, resisted evil, and been steadfast in love and devotion to God, it would have been them. But no. God said they weren’t to allow the influences around them or it would pull them away from Him. 

Then how can we, my brothers, think we are strong enough to resist the pull of the world, if we don’t have a clear separation between us and it. Oh the addicting affect of the world on not only us but on our children. The worst of the worst is then losing our children to the world. 

Sadly Common

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It is common for Teri and me to be going somewhere and notice someone with erratic driving behavior, seemingly unable to keep the vehicle between the lines. It especially does make us uncomfortable if they happen to be in the lane beside us. Almost always, when Teri gets to look, the driver of the other car is focused on their phone. How insane is that? The driver is legally responsible for any harm or damage to others that they might cause with the 2,000 pounds (plus) of plastic and metal they are driving. Yet they are giving their attention to an inanimate object that weighs less than a pound. 

Don’t we often see a parallel absurdity in professing Christian families? Dad has responsibilities before the Lord with eternal consequences in how he leads the family and disciples the children in Christ. “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 6:7). Yet he spends his time on things of no eternal value.

Dad can’t save his children, but is he truly attentive to the priceless value of his children’s souls? Is his example and leadership consistent with their value? Dad’s time spent in pursuit of sports and worldly media might be similar to a driver being distracted by a dumb phone. 

“That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments:” (Psalms 78:6-7).

Pain

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Is it good or bad? Yes. It can be either. Doesn’t it depend on how it is viewed? If it is your pain, it generally is viewed as bad, and we want it to stop. However pain often is a signal that something is wrong and needs immediate attention. Yet, a condition may be serious with great potential consequences needing attention, without pain.Last week was my first trip to the ER in all of my seventy-four years. I had no pain and was slow to do something about a bad situation. My heart rate had risen to 150 bpm with no exertion, just sitting in my chair. It had been that way for two hours. My mind and sweet wife knew it wasn’t a good thing, yet I was reluctant to go to the ER. “It should stop soon” I reasoned. Finally, I called my cardiologist’s nurse who said, “Go to ER right now!” Okay, I got it. 

Sadly, a similar scenario is played out in families. Maybe, a child’s attitude shows hints of rebellion, or there is disrespect or mocking of things of the Lord, or they are drawn to unhealthy friends or media that is against your counsel. 

I plead with you, don’t wait until horrible pain sets in, act upon the warning signs. May we be like the wise man who built his family upon the rock of God’s Word and lived it. May we not be like the foolish man who lost his home. 

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell: and great was the fall of it. And it came to pass, when Jesus had ended these sayings, the people were astonished at his doctrine: For he taught them as one having authority, and not as the scribes” (Matthew 7:24-29).

May Not Be Popular

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In the first epistle to Timothy, Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit, wrote concerning the ways that women were foolishly wasting their time. Today, if he was writing, might he say that enemy was the smart phone, social media, the internet, and computers? “But the younger widows refuse: for when they have begun to wax wanton against Christ, they will marry; Having damnation, because they have cast off their first faith. And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not. I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:11-14). That was specifically addressed to young widows, but the actions Paul denounces would seem to be wrong for any woman of any age, in any tepoch of history. Plus Paul gives the better way for a woman to invest her time – bearing children and guiding the house. God has gifted women for this critical role of eternal consequence. 

May I ask: Does this describe you? Have you cast off your first priority? Do you find time for your phone, social media, You Tube videos (just for education, of course!) but are lacking in  personal Bible reading and prayer each day? This is easy to test. You know how much time you spend reading your Bible a day, and your devices track how much time you spend on them. How do they compare? Twice as much in the Word? Half as much? None? 

These young widows had another problem. They had learned to be idle because they had time to go to other people’s homes to sit around talking and gossiping. Today, we don’t have to leave our homes to do this. It is in the palm of our hands with our phones. But we can do the exact thing and often do. We justify it by saying: it won’t take long, we need to decompress and that helps us (where best should we turn for that?), we think about how we give and give and give and just need a bit of time for ourselves (how many times did you pick up your phone and hang out on it?).

The time on the phone/social media/internet often steals time that is needed to “guide the house.” Guiding the house would involve household duties like meal planning, prep and clean up, grocery shopping and errands, cleaning, laundry, and gardening. For homeschoolers, it would include homeschooling. Are you keeping up there or behind?

Have you been having a conversation with someone and hear a little noise on their phone or just see them glance down? What usually happens? Do they disengage from the conversation for a moment, acting as if they aren’t, but you can tell they aren’t with you as they look at their phone? How often do you do that to your children? They see it. Don’t you want to be fully present in their lives when they are communicating with you? What kind of example do you want to set for them?

Sisters, I plead with you: guard your first priority. Don’t spend time on your phone, if you aren’t spending time in the Word and in prayer! Your time and attention is also precious to your family. Don’t rob your family of your time and attention on them by what you do on your phone or by letting its notifications interrupt (silence them)! Don’t deprive your family of an organized home with healthy meals because you want to do what you want to do on your phone. That phone/social media/internet is not your first love. Jesus Christ is to have that place and behind Him comes your family. For you to keep that the reality of your life, you have to stand against the tide of life as it is happening in 2026, just like those young widows had to stand against the tide of their lives when I Timothy was written.

Good Idea

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The reasons to purchase the trees sounded good: fast growth, good shade, and relatively inexpensive, and they all proved to be true. However, what wasn’t discussed was the fruit they produced. Over the years those fast-growing trees yielded VAST amounts of sweet gum balls, walnut-sized seeds covered with prickly spikes. Once fallen and dried on the ground, pity the poor barefoot person, or child who slipped and fell on them. 

Most people don’t make bad decisions on purpose. They have good reasons for their choices. However, considering the resulting fruit of a decision is so wise. Many parents wanting happy, quiet children (“good reasons”) then reap horrible fruit in the coming years. Then, the children are addicted to being entertained with movies, video games, bad friends or evil books (such as Henry P). Dads and moms tired after a full day, might want to watch a movie, or just relax instead of time with the children and family Bible time.

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.  Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7:15-20).

Poor decisions are not going to produce good fruit in lives (unless maybe to learn never to do that again). Oh, my Brothers, always consider the longterm fruit of each decision, will it edify and draw one closer to the Lord or the world?