All posts by Teri Maxwell

Teri Maxwell is wife to Steve for over 40 years, mom to eight children (three married), and grandma to eight. She loves keeping her home running smoothly and sharing with women in the vein of Titus 2:4&5. Teri homeschooled for thirty years, and she's graduated all her children. In between her other responsibilities, she manages to squeeze in writing time. She is co-author of the popular Managers of Their Homes and Managers of Their Chores. In addition, Teri's written three books just for ladies Homeschooling with a Meek & Quiet Spirit, Sweet Journey, and Sweet Relationships. She has been writing monthly encouragement articles for homeschool moms for 25 years. Find more information on Teri Maxwell and her books.

I Just Want To Be a Mommy

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Our first year of homeschooling, I had a seven-year-old, a five-year-old, and a three-year-old, plus a constant struggle with depression partly rooted in a lack of spiritual growth. At this time, I found another Christian mom, with children my children’s ages, in whom I saw wonderful spiritual maturity. This other mom agreed to spiritually mentor me. For a year, we met together, did a Bible study, memorized Scripture, and discussed the practical aspects of our spiritual walk as Christian women. I was so grateful for the investment this woman made in my life. That year my friend’s children were in a Christian school, but the following year she decided to homeschool them.

Although our mentoring time lasted only one year, we continued to maintain a friendship. After a year of homeschooling, my friend chose to put her boys back in a Christian school. I can still remember her words to me that afternoon as I sat in her home, and she justified her actions, “Oh, Teri. I just want to be a mommy. I want to welcome my boys home in the afternoon as their mommy. I don’t want to have to be their teacher too. I just want to be their mommy.”

My Heart to be a Happy, Homeschool Mom

I recall driving home that afternoon in tears. “Lord, I just want to be a mommy too. I want all the happy, fun things about being a mommy with none of the difficulties.”

In my mind, I pictured my friend’s children coming home from school in the afternoon. She would have spent the day in personal Bible study, prayer, exercise, housecleaning, reading, ministry, sewing, and cookie baking. As the children bounced in the door, they would be met by a beautiful, smiling mommy. I was sure she would have taken a long shower and blown her hair dry too. The children would smell the freshly baked cookies and scramble for a seat at the table. There they would happily discuss the excitement of their day in school. Finally, they would head outside to play while my friend started supper in peace and quiet. I just want to be a mommy too!

As I prayed about my heart-wrenching discussion with my friend and my personal feelings about wanting to “just be a mommy” too, the Lord soon began to show me some things. He made me realize that my homeschooling lifestyle was “just being a mommy” in its fullest sense. As we begin a new school year, perhaps you are struggling with feelings of not wanting to tackle another homeschool year. Maybe you have even thought the thoughts of my friend when she told me she “just wanted to be a mommy.” It could be that this is your first year of homeschooling, and you are concerned about being both a teacher and a mommy. Perhaps your role as a homeschool mom has lost the joy it once had. Together let’s encourage one another in the direction the Lord has led each of us in homeschooling. After all, I just want to be a mommy!

Definition of a Real, Homeschool Mom According to Titus2

What does being a mommy really mean? Titus 2:4 tells the older women to “. . . teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.” Easily seen then, my role as a mommy is to love my children. Practically speaking, how is this done? Do I have more chance to love my children when they are away from home at school for seven or eight hours or when I have them home with me all day? The answer to this one is obvious: when they are home with me. By loving my children, I just want to be a mommy!

During those extra hours I have to “just be a mommy,” I can tell my children over and over again how special they are to me, how much I love them, how wonderful they are, and how blessed I am to “just be their mommy.” I have seven more hours a day to give them hugs, pat them, put my arm around them, smile at them, kiss them, laugh with them—opportunities to “just be a mommy.” The bottom line is, “I just want to be a mommy!”

What about the time we spend in homeschooling? Have I taken off my “mommy” hat and replaced it with a “teacher” one? I am taking the place of a teacher in a classroom in my children’s lives, but I am still “Mommy” in the fullest sense of the word. My mommy role as a teacher began from the first words I quietly whispered in each newborn baby’s tiny ear. Almost everything my children have learned in their young lives, this mommy has had a part in teaching them. Being an official teacher in our homeschool is simply an extension of this natural teaching relationship that exists between a mother and her child. Really and truly, I just want to be a mommy!

Reality of Being a Homeschool Mom and Teacher

I thought about what it meant to be a mommy teacher beyond simply teaching my children facts and figures. What teacher in a school loves their students like I love mine? What teacher’s main goal in life is to see their students grow up to love the Lord Jesus Christ with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength? What teacher is going to cuddle a sick student on the couch, tucking that student in with extra pillows and blankets, while loving and consoling him through his misery? Hey, I just want to be a mommy!

Perhaps I should consider the time spent in disciplining or correcting my children during school hours. Maybe I am not being a “mommy” then. Once again Scripture assures me that this is part of my mommy role. “My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother” (Proverbs 6:20). My friend didn’t like to have to make her children do their schoolwork. Sometimes they cried about what they were to do for school and this was part of why she abandoned homeschooling in favor of “just being a mommy.” One of my most important “mommy” responsibilities is to prepare my children for life. If they face a difficult task in their school and choose to cry about it, this is my chance, as their mommy, to encourage them to pray about it, to put forth some effort, to try again, and to rest in the Lord. What opportunity these hours my children are home with me during school time afford. Wow, I just want to be a mommy!

Every day I have a choice set before me. I can look at my homeschooling with resentment and think, “Lord, I just want to be a mommy,” while sending my children away to school and doing what I want to do all day. I might think these same thoughts without acting on them but all the while wishing I could put them in school. It will still affect my attitude toward my children and my homeschooling. Alternatively, I can view homeschooling with rejoicing in my heart and say, “Lord, I am so grateful to just be a mommy. Thank you that homeschooling is part of the mothering I can give to my children. I know there are moms who want to homeschool their children but can’t. I know there will be difficult days for us as I homeschool my children. Yet, it remains with me as to what I will allow in my thoughts.” May we be mothers who relish our roles as homeschooling mommies. Let’s never forget, I just want to be a mommy!

Priorities

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It isn’t uncommon for us to hear a homeschooling mom vent a little frustration about how much trouble she has accomplishing school, keeping her house clean, and preparing meals. In the next sentence, she will, without even realizing it, give us a clue as to why she is struggling. She herself won’t be aware of the cause and effect of her two statements because she is so close to the situation. However, as an outside observer only knowing what she tells us, we can quickly discern the problem.

Priorities are very difficult first to define in our lives and then to live by. It seems fitting that a starting place for our priorities would be God’s Word. For example, there are two verses particularly aimed at Christian women to which we could look for direction in setting godly priorities for our heart focus and time usage. In Titus 2:4-5 the older women are admonished to “. . . teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

In 1 Timothy 5:10, we see what Paul gives Timothy as criteria to look at in a Christian woman’s life that will determine whether she qualifies for church support if she becomes a widow at some point with no other source of care. She is to have been “well reported of for good works; if she have brought up children, if she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints’ feet, if she have relieved the afflicted, if she have diligently followed every good work.”

We can easily see in these verses a blueprint of a woman’s priorities. Everything in these verses grows from our relationship with the Lord, so that is a first priority. Then we are to love our husbands and children, be keepers at home, and finally, minister to others. This is a simple list, and yet it appears to be quite powerful. Consider what would happen if we took everything in which we invest time and evaluated each in light of these priorities.

Let’s start with setting aside time each day to spend reading the Bible and in prayer. That one is easy since it fulfills priority number one plus is instrumental in helping us with every other priority we have. Not only do Bible reading and prayer take precedence on my “to do” list, they also receive the first part of my day.

What about exercise time? That doesn’t seem to fit clearly into one of the priorities—or does it? What is the result of not exercising? Poor health and lack of energy. That means if I don’t have exercising as a priority, I may not be able to fulfill my other responsibilities as a Christian woman. Therefore, for me, exercise time stays on my list of profitable time usage.

Does housekeeping make it in my list of priorities? Absolutely. The verses in Titus tell me to be a keeper at home. A part of that would be staying current with the cleaning tasks in my home. This makes a pleasant environment for my husband and children and is a demonstrative way of showing my love for them. What about the directions in 1 Timothy to wash the saints’ feet or lodge strangers? I can tell you from personal experience and talking with other moms, we don’t want anyone outside our family in our home when it is dirty, messy, or cluttered. That means we aren’t willing to have our homes used for ministry and outreach to others when they are in this condition. However, if my home is continually maintained, then preparations for dinner guests are an afternoon affair rather than something entirely avoided or requiring a week-long cleaning marathon.

Many Christian women have chosen not to work outside the home. They often feel they should, in some way, be contributing to producing income for the family. As I evaluate these verses, I don’t see this as a priority at all. It isn’t even implied in either of these verses. On the other hand, consider what a home business often does for a homeschooling mom. It causes her to live under constant stress and time pressure. It limits and sometimes completely robs her of time for the higher priority of homeschooling her children in order to keep up with business demands. It consumes her thoughts and emotional energy. It can even cost her health.

Where do outside activities for the children fit into a list of priorities? Once again, I don’t see them in these verses. For our family, a part of loving our children is teaching them at home. Taking them out for music lessons, sports practice, and co-op classes simply means we wouldn’t have the needed time for our schooling. This then would cause me stress, time pressure, angry responses, impatience, discouragement, and sometimes depression. This is the exact opposite of the directive to love my children.

It isn’t uncommon to hear a mom say that she needs time for herself. One vehicle she may choose for this is computer time in message boards, blogs, or personal e-mails. She plans to take five or ten minutes but commonly ends up taking a half hour to an hour. In the meantime, the housekeeping, homeschooling, or meal preparation she could have used that time for is left undone. Now she feels rushed and frustrated, which leaves her more susceptible to angry outbursts. If my personal socializing can’t be confined to an allotted time and not disturb other priorities, then it needs to be curtailed.

Our priorities are vitally important in determining how we spend every minute of our day, particularly when we are in our child-raising years. Personally, I would vote for children who “miss out” on soccer, homeschool co-op classes, and piano lessons but have a joyful, sweet-spirited mom because her priorities are in line with Scripture. The alternative is too often children who are involved in every possible church, homeschool, and other activity but are growing up in a home filled with anger, stress, frustration, and impatience while not even having time to accomplish homeschool.

I would be thrilled if this Mom’s Corner challenged many who are reading it to sit down and determine your priorities. They may not be just like mine, but I encourage you to take them from Scripture and know what they are. Then hold up how you spend your time against those priorities. Evaluate what the outcomes of your time usage are on your family and on you—spiritually, emotionally, and physically. May we be women with godly priorities—ones who wisely choose how to spend their time based on those priorities.

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A Summer Schedule

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For many of us, our normal school year is ending with summer bringing a change of pace. Some will take a complete break from any kind of structured learning. Then there may be moms who will have a light school load during the summer weeks. Others may be planning to continue school through the summer. During our eighteen years of homeschooling experience, I have discovered the direction, productivity, and peace a summer schedule brings to our home.

One of the top priorities for my summer schedule will be to help my children manage their time usage. We have found that children left day after day having “nothing” to do generates a multitude of problems. Not the least of these problems is the proverbial, “Mom, I am bored. There’s nothing to do.” I will plan our summer schedule to prevent this. Our children bicker more when left to their own devices all day. They also are more prone to get into things they aren’t supposed to do. Again, our summer schedule will alleviate these difficulties before they arise.

I will include each child in our summer schedule. Steve and I evaluate how much free time we think the children can handle well. We want summer to be a break from their normal school schedule and workload. At the same time, we want to fill some of their summer hours productively.

The children’s schedules will include personal Bible time for those old enough to read their Bibles and have a prayer time. Music practice is scheduled. We like for them to keep up their math skills, so most summers they continue doing a math lesson each day. They may also have other academic work scheduled that doesn’t involve my time such as typing and handwriting. Daily chores are scheduled. If there are any major projects to be accomplished, they will have some time dedicated to those.

Summer is the perfect time to schedule in those activities you always want to do with the children but never have the available time. I make it a priority to put in the children’s schedule and in my schedule time to read out loud. I also want to have individual time with each child at least weekly. Simply include a block of time in the summer schedule and make a list of what you want to do with the children. When we have a schedule in place, this assures that I don’t allow myself to be consumed with my personal projects, putting off time I want to spend with the children.

If your child has an area of academic need, scheduling a block of time to work on it during the summer is perfect. Generally, summer days afford the extra hours required to give individual attention in a specific school area. A child who doesn’t yet know his basic math facts could spend a few minutes every day doing drills on the computer, on paper, and orally. Writing projects could be tackled knowing there is time to write, revise, and polish them.

As you can see, the children’s scheduled activities nicely fill several hours each day. This still allows them to have a great deal of time to play, help others, or pursue their own interests. However, we have easily avoided the pitfalls that come from a summer overloaded with free days.

A priority for my summer schedule will be cleaning and organizing time. There is a host of cleaning projects for which there is simply not time during the school year. I look forward to knocking these out during the summer. My procrastinating nature can easily put these off, though, if I don’t have a place in my schedule for them. I love to have two hours a day for these projects but most years I can only squeeze out an hour.

Here is a list of what I will do each summer:

  • Pack away school books and school work
  • Clean kitchen cupboards
  • Clean refrigerator
  • Organize and work in storage room
  • Clean and organize every closet
  • Put photos in albums
  • Plan and prepare for upcoming school year
  • Clean windows

A number-one priority for my summer schedule is preparations for the next school year. This will take up a big chunk of my scheduled cleaning and organizing time. My excitement for a new school year is partially dependent on how prepared I am for it. Using summer for this planning allows me get my school schedule worked out. I can have all the children’s books and materials prepared and ready. I am able to order anything I realize we need but haven’t purchased yet. I can clean out and reorganize areas of the house dedicated to school materials. This time allows me to be physically, emotionally, and mentally prepared for the new school year.

You wouldn’t believe what can be accomplished through the course of the summer by simply tackling cleaning and organizing for an hour a day. I can never remember not getting through my “to do” list by the end of the summer. Often, I have to come up with additional jobs that weren’t on my original list because I have more time than projects. Beware, though. The key for me has been to stop my cleaning or organizing when the scheduled time is completed. That way I don’t impact other scheduled activities. I also don’t burn out by getting too tired. Hour by hour, your projects will be accomplished.

Some may have a garden that needs extra attention through the summer. Remember to put time in your and your children’s schedule for these gardening jobs. Schedule in time for any large projects that you would like to accomplish during the summer.

In setting up my summer schedule, the most important part is prayer. I want to make sure the activities put in the schedule for me and for each of the children are what the Lord wants us to do. I also desire to put the amounts of time into each task that would be honoring to the Lord. The Lord has called each member of our family to follow and serve Him. Our schedule is to be a tool to help in this.

There will be days you don’t use your schedule for one reason or another. Perhaps you decide to have a spur-of-the moment trip to the park for a picnic and playtime. Then you will probably use your schedule until time to prepare for the outing and decide what the priorities are for the remaining day when you return home. Other days you will be away from home all day. Your schedule should make these days more enjoyable because your daily tasks will be current. Catching up for the day or days away won’t be stressful. Let your schedule help you enjoy that trip to the park, visit to the zoo, or cookie baking day.

I want to encourage you to consider making and using a schedule to help you meet your goals and desires for the summer. Some structure to summer days ensures that they will be peaceful and productive. You won’t enter your new school year disappointed that the summer weeks slipped by without you or your children accomplishing what you had hoped to do. A daily schedule is a productive instrument we can benefit from making and then using.

Homeschool Textbook Curricula

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We love traditional Christian textbook curricula for our homeschooling family. Through my eighteen years of homeschooling, however, I have regularly read homeschool literature where this choice of homeschooling materials is criticized. Very seldom, if ever, have I been encouraged by a homeschooling book or article in the direction of using textbooks for education. Many authors have indicated that my children will not love to learn if I use textbooks. Others tell me that my children will not grow up to be godly adults with strong character exhibited in their lives if I use textbooks for their education. At first, reading these books and articles distressed me and caused me to go back regularly to Steve about our curricula choices.

Reasons for Using Christian Textbooks

Now, however, we have been using traditional Christian textbooks for our homeschool long enough that I am secure in our decisions. In addition, we have personal experience and visible results in our children to refute those authors who say the negative things about using textbooks. I want to share our reasons for our traditional Christian textbook curricula decision. This may encourage others who have made the same choice but are usually discouraged by the homeschooling articles they read about curricula. It may also help some who haven’t considered traditional Christian textbooks as a viable homeschool curricula option.

I might also add that if you have chosen other methods of teaching, I am not trying to dissuade you in any way. Follow the path that God leads you down. In fact, I would suggest you not read this article any further as I don’t want to discourage you in your choice. This article is strictly to share the benefits we have experienced and encourage moms who might be struggling with doubts after reading or hearing negative words about traditional textbooks.

For nine years in our early homeschooling, we used unit studies. Then, when Sarah was entering high school, we switched to traditional Christian textbooks. Both Nathan and Christopher, our oldest children, have told us that they would have liked to have had textbooks for their high school education. Why? They observed Sarah’s study and learning from her textbooks. The textbooks were comprehensive and methodical. They liked history being completely and chronologically presented. They saw the thoroughness of the science textbooks. The boys believe Sarah received a better high school education than they did.

Homeschool textbooks helps us in our goals for our children. We see childhood as a training ground for adulthood.

While our children have time to play and enjoy being children, we think their school and chore time should challenge them to learn to work. We want these hours of their day to be very beneficial in helping them grow into responsible, productive, mature adults—ones who don’t need to have something be fun in order to choose to do it.

We find the traditional Christian curriculum to be thorough and complete, allowing us to give our children the type of education we want them to have. Studying the same material repetitively on a higher level as the successive years progress helps to cement in our children’s minds what they are learning. Rather than squelching their love for learning, textbooks have given our children the tools they need to pursue their personal interests. As a matter of fact, our younger children always ask for school books at age three or four when we don’t want them to start school until they are five.

Textbooks Help Schooling Multiple Children

I am able to homeschool my large family to achieve a maximum of learning for a minimum investment of my time. Traditional Christian curriculum helps me budget my school time plus my children’s time. I can work with an individual child for a scheduled amount of time. What doesn’t fit into that time frame, he can accomplish on his own without direction from me. I can schedule each child the amount of time he needs for each of his subjects, knowing approximately how long that subject will take him each day.

If there is a year when a baby is added into our lives and I don’t have as much time for school, I can cut back on my one-on-one school time and let my children do more of their school work on their own. When this is the case, we will spend our individual school time on the subjects with which they struggle, while they will work independently on the other subjects. School doesn’t have to be put on hold for several weeks while I am recovering from childbirth.

I love to read history and science with my children, but if there are days, or seasons, my one-on-one school time doesn’t allow for this, the children can read the lessons and answer questions on their own. We like to do science experiments during our individual half hour of fun together time. That way it doesn’t impact our school time, plus I find it easier to work with only one child when it comes to a science experiment.

With traditional Christian textbooks, I generally don’t have to weed out information I don’t want my children to be exposed to such as evolution, false religions and gods, mythology and fables. Romans 16:19 says, “For your obedience is come abroad unto all men. I am glad therefore on your behalf: but yet I would have you wise unto that which is good, and simple concerning evil.” Deuteronomy 12:30 tells us to, “Take heed to thyself that thou be not snared by following them, after that they be destroyed from before thee; and that thou inquire not after their gods, saying, How did these nations serve their gods? even so will I do likewise.”

A traditional Christian curriculum requires little teacher prep time for me. Each week, I put the next week’s assignments on our assignment sheets or simply write the day of the week on the page in the child’s workbook if it is consumable. I don’t have to hunt up materials related to our studies, and we never miss school because I didn’t get around to doing what I needed to do in preparation.

School does not dissolve into “nothingness” if I don’t have school planning time. My children are not completely dependent on my time and availability in order for them to do school. On those occasions when I am sick or away, they can continue with their normal school day. We aren’t down with school because I am not available. This also helps to occupy their time when I am unavailable, and it makes those days function much more smoothly.

If I don’t have time to check the children’s schoolwork, they could actually check it themselves. I have a scheduled time in my afternoon for this, but if I were to be sick or gone for several days, I would allow them to do the checking themselves or check each other’s work.

There are other homeschooling families who are making the traditional Christian textbook choice. Here is what one says:

“My children also love their textbooks, and I have met several children going to college now who have expressed that they wished that their parents had stuck with a curriculum that would have provided greater consistency, especially in math.”

Here are the reasons another mom shares for liking traditional Christian textbooks:

  • My husband wants me to!
  • It offers structure.
  • It requires less time by Mom for planning.
  • It follows a logical sequence.
  • Transcripts and records are easier.
  • Easier to teach large numbers of children.
  • Earlier student independence.
  • More support for questions from publisher.

Finally, one more mom shares:

  • They have the materials presented clearly and in an efficient way for learning—broken into reasonable “chunks.”
  • They save me a lot of preparation time, making it possible for me to teach children at different levels easily.
  • They provide an orderly way to move through materials year to year.
  • They provide the tools of learning and a core of knowledge my children use to build onto with their own interests and strengths.
  • They help my children learn that learning requires discipline and is not always entertaining.
  • They make it possible for me to teach things in which I have little or no background.

One area of disappointment for us in some of the traditional Christian textbooks has come in their reading and literature courses. We have found only one acceptable publisher for this. Rod and Staff have the only textbooks we have come across that don’t have mythology, fables, violence, or extreme silliness in their elementary reading program. Rod and Staff uses strictly stories taken directly from Scripture until the end of fourth grade. We have chosen to have reading a separate subject from first through fourth grade.

As we choose our textbooks, we are careful to look at the books at a homeschool convention so that we can see if there are any objectionable themes in them. For example, our children have chosen not to date. One high school English textbook had a story running through it that involved a boy-girl dating relationship. Another English textbook had a sports theme in it, and our family has decided not to participate in sports. We want our textbooks to support our choices not undermine them.

These are many of the reasons we have decided to use a traditional Christian textbook curriculum. However, this does not mean that we don’t respect and support homeschoolers’ decisions to use other types of curricula and methods. We encourage each family to seek the Lord, review what is available, and make informed curriculum decisions for their children—based on discernment of the Lord’s goals for those children. What does bother us is when we read books and articles making it sound like no one could effectively homeschool their children using traditional Christian textbooks. We are here to say we are using Christian textbooks, we like them, and they are working!

Sleep

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The topic of sleep is one that is very real to every mother. Pregnancies, babies, busy schedules, homeschooling, outside activities, ministry, relationships—almost every area of life has the potential of robbing us of sleep. If I feel tired throughout the day, is it because I am not getting enough sleep? Does it seem that I don’t have the available time to sleep the hours my body requires? Do I envy others who seem to have much more time in their day because they function nicely on fewer hours of sleep than I do?

Recently, a mom asked me:

I used to sleep up to twelve hours a night and still could sleep ten if I had the time. I find that as I have more tasks to care for, I am cutting down on my sleep. I know the rule that we need eight hours of sleep, but I have seen some women live on seven hours consistently. I also know back in previous days most women (families actually) went to bed at 9 and rose at 3:30 or 4 a.m. I would like to hear from you since you had seven hours sleep time scheduled but still nursed during the night, even if for only the first few weeks. That is the toughest time to get through! Any advice?

Scripture warns several times about the dangers of loving sleep, “How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man” (Proverbs 6:9-11). “Love not sleep, lest thou come to poverty; open thine eyes, and thou shalt be satisfied with bread” (Proverbs 20:13).

These verses show us that in general we have to guard against wanting to have too much sleep. We should exercise caution as we evaluate how much time to allocate for sleep. Our tendency is to choose the easy path, the one that includes more sleep. Because of this warning, I believe we have to carefully observe our “need” for sleep and make sure we are meeting true needs and not fulfilling wants in this area. With this warning against too much sleep, I believe we can move on to evaluate how busy moms can get an adequate amount of sleep to function normally.

I don’t know about you, but when I don’t get enough sleep my whole personality changes. I am more easily discouraged. I become angry at small things. I can’t think well. I cry, and nothing seems right. This doesn’t appear to be uncommon among women. I have also seen in Scripture several extremely godly men who, at one point in each of their lives, ask God to let them die. To me it seems to be related to them becoming very weary. These men are Jonah (Jonah 4:7-8), Elijah (1 Kings 19:4), and Moses (Numbers 11:15).

I would encourage us to make sure our schedules are such that they allow us to sleep the amount of time we need to each night so that we can function well each day. Our family’s schedule helps Steve and me in this area. We have a set time to go to bed each night, Sunday through Thursday, and a set time to get up. There is very little that we allow to interfere with these bed times and wake up times. The consistency of our sleep schedule has enabled us to determine sleep amounts that allow us the greatest amount of productive daytime while still adequately meeting our sleep needs.

It may take some trial and error to determine whether one should have seven, eight, or nine hours of sleep each night. Obviously the number of hours of sleep we need may not be the same as the number we could sleep. In the case of the mom who wrote the note, she said she could sleep ten hours each night, but she may only need eight hours of sleep. That means she must determine how little sleep she can get by with so that she isn’t experiencing the sleep-deprived symptoms I listed earlier.

For most of my adult life, I thought I needed eight hours of sleep each night. However, I often couldn’t get to sleep when I went to bed. At some point in our married life, Steve and I decided to see if we could get more time in our day by sleeping fewer hours at night. We dropped down to seven hours a night. It was amazing for me. I functioned well on seven hours per night and no longer struggled with having trouble falling asleep. My body didn’t need eight hours of sleep.

If you have planned a schedule that allows for eight hours of sleep each night, or whatever your personal amount happens to be, but there isn’t time in the day to accomplish what should be done, then what? There are several possibilities. As you evaluate them, it may be that one will be helpful, or you may need to use all of them.

First, make sure you are using a daily schedule for your time and your children’s time. This will make you as productive as possible throughout the day. It will help you to discern your priorities and put your time where it is most needed and beneficial. The Managers of Their Homes book addresses this topic in detail.

Next, I would encourage the elimination of activities, based on their priority and urgency. Mom’s sleep must come before any outside-the-home activity, no matter how important that activity may seem. When we deprive ourselves of sleep for an outside activity, we aren’t trading off our personal preferences for our child’s best interest. Rather, we are giving away the possibility for our child to have a sweet, godly, loving mother, which has eternal value in that child’s life. Generally, we are making this exchange for an activity of temporal value.

Another suggestion may be a difficult one for some—a home business. If Mom isn’t able to get enough sleep and she has a home business, then I believe her priorities again are wrong. Anyone who has a home business will have a justification for having it. However, if the home business robs her of necessary sleep (or the ability to homeschool, train the children, be a keeper at home—any of her biblical roles), then the reasons for it have to be reevaluated.

The next area to look at would be time trade-offs. For example, it may be that your preference is to make your own bread and sew your own clothing. At some seasons of life, these may be reasonable tasks. Again, though, if Mom can’t find time for the sleep she needs, then these time-consuming choices may have to be eliminated. The priorities should be kept in line, and sleep is higher than homemade bread or home-sewn clothes.

Scheduling an afternoon nap can be another way to allow one to get by with less nighttime sleep. For the years I was pregnant or nursing, I always had a half-hour nap scheduled sometime during the afternoon when the children were taking their naps. This short rest gave me the added boost necessary to keep me going during those months that were taking a higher toll on my body.

Finally, as we look for ways to free up time for needed sleep, consider the type of homeschool curriculum you are using. Here again, we may decide to make different curriculum choices so that school and school planning aren’t requiring so much time. Hours that are deterred from a time-intensive curriculum can be given to sleep. Again, this change will likely only be for a season. Then, with another set of circumstances and available sleep time coming from another area, a return to the preferred curriculum can be made.

The Bible warns us first not to love sleep. We must be cautious to discern if our desire for sleep is a want or a need. Throughout our lives, there will be periods of time when we will be living sleep-deprived lives for one reason or another. However, because of what a lack of sleep does to us spiritually, emotionally, and physically, I don’t believe it is wise to continue to try, on an ongoing basis, to get by without adequate rest. We shouldn’t feel guilty for getting the sleep we need. We aren’t being selfish to do so. Rather, we are loving our husbands and loving our children as Titus 2:4 tells us because we are giving them a mom who is sweet, loving, and kind rather than angry, depressed, and sluggish. May we be women who value our families enough to make the necessary choices to allow us each the right amount of sleep.

A Few Helpful Tools for the Homemaker

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Several years ago I was given a cute gift basket filled with various “goodies.” One of the items in that basket has been such a helpful tool in our home that it is something I want to share with you. I know how busy homeschooling moms are. We want to maximize every moment of our days. I thought it might be helpful to dedicate this Mom’s Corner to describing several items in our home that are invaluable tools and time savers for me.

The pretty little “goody” in that basket wasn’t edible. It was a skinny pad of paper with flowery decorations and lines on it. It looked like you might use it for lists or for writing notes. In addition, it had a magnet on the back. I put that pad on my refrigerator because it had complementary colors to my kitchen.

One day someone said they needed another bag of socks from Wal-Mart. I suggested they write “socks” on the pad on the refrigerator and title that page Wal-Mart. The next time I thought of an item we were running low on that we purchased from Wal-Mart, I added it to that list. When we went to Wal-Mart several days later, I just pulled the page off the pad and was ready to shop. Immediately, I wrote Wal-Mart on the next page of the pad attached to the refrigerator. I asked my family members to write anything they needed from Wal-Mart on the list, and our shopping list habit was begun.

Within a short time, I purchased another magnetic notepad and put it on the fridge. Now I had a Wal-Mart pad and a Sam’s Club pad. Those are the two major places we shop for basic necessities. Anytime we are short of an item or out of it, we put it on that list. Now whenever someone is going to one of those stores and asks if I need something, I can tear the list off the pad and send it with them.

I can’t begin to tell you how simple this plan is and how much time it has saved us in not having to make trips back to the store for forgotten items. In addition, it has freed me from the mental burden of trying to remember what we need the next time we go to the store. I am secure knowing my list is on the fridge and ready to go.

My next time-saving help also is related to a magnet and my refrigerator. In this case, it is a clip with a magnet on the back of it. It also hangs on the fridge and holds the list of evening meals for the week. When I make up the weekly grocery list, it includes a section where the evening meals for the week are listed. I cut or tear that portion of the list off after grocery shopping and hang it in that clip on the fridge.

This list has also saved me much mental time and energy by allowing me to lay out my evening meals and then quickly see what each meal will be. I used to think and wonder and consider through the day what to make for dinner. If I was too busy to think about it, I entered the kitchen in the evening in a state of dismay at having to make a decision on what to prepare. Now it is all set out for me. The decisions are made once a week. All I have to do is to look at my meal list and go to work.

Would you believe one of my favorite household tools is a feather duster? For twenty-seven of my twenty-eight years of being married, I used a dust rag or lambs-wool duster for dusting tasks. I also avoided dusting some things, such as picture frames, door frames, silk flowers, and mini blinds, because they were difficult to do with those dusting methods. Last summer when we purchased blinds for the living room, a feather duster was recommended for cleaning them. I tried my new feather duster for other dusting besides the living room blinds, and I loved it. I even bought one for my mother and daughter-in-law for Christmas.

So what makes a feather duster so great? It gets into nooks and crannies that other dusters don’t easily reach. It gives me several extra inches of height so I can reach areas normally out of reach. My feather duster gives me a good angle for dusting, while the lambs-wool duster had to be held in a certain way. When dusting lightweight articles, it doesn’t move them around or knock them over. I have to admit I almost think dusting is fun now that I am using a feather duster.

While vacuuming is at the top of my list for household tasks I like to do, ironing ranks near the bottom. However, two ironing tools have made the job quicker, easier, and more pleasant. These items may be ones you will choose to save up for if you decide to try them since they are much more costly than magnetized shopping lists and feather dusters.

When the iron I was given as a wedding gift “died” after twenty years of use, Steve bought me a Rowenta professional style iron. I was absolutely amazed at the difference in ironing. The Rowenta is larger and heavier than normal irons. That means it irons more quickly and efficiently. Now I feel blessed, rather than resentful, every time I need to iron.

One day about two years ago one of my children decided to sit on my twenty-five-year-old ironing board. While Steve is great at fixing many broken things in our home, the ironing board was beyond help. I went out and purchased the most expensive ironing board I could find at Wal-Mart. When I set it up at home, I was appalled at how unsteady it was. With young children, I was concerned about their safety when they were around if I was ironing. We took that ironing board back.

Then we purchased a very nice ironing board at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I think this ironing board was around ninety dollars, and we had a coupon for 20 percent off. The ironing board from Wal-Mart was less then twenty dollars. I could hardly conceive of spending so much money on an ironing board. However, we decided, based on the board’s stability and added safety, to purchase it. I think every penny we spent was worth it. It should last the rest of my ironing life!

Not only did we gain the safety benefit we wanted, but we noticed several other benefits. This ironing board has a much larger ironing surface. That means I can iron more quickly and spend the saved time in another way. The board itself is taller so that I can stand more erect while ironing and not hurt my back. It is much heavier and sturdier so that it doesn’t rock when bumped. The ironing board has a place on the side to set the iron in so that it isn’t sitting upright on the board itself when someone isn’t holding it. Therefore, the iron is less susceptible to being knocked off the board. Each time I iron, I think about how grateful for something as simple as a high-quality ironing board.

The Lord has given homemakers the responsibility of being a keeper of the home. For me, having good tools to save me time and to help me in this process is extremely beneficial. I am happy to be as efficient in my homemaking as possible so that I have more time for mothering and schooling.

Contentment – Part 2

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In last month’s Mom’s Corner we delved into the difficult topic of contentment. We saw that Paul had learned to be content in whatever circumstances he found himself. However, we also discovered the root of this contentment was not in the situation, but rather in his relationship with Jesus Christ and his trust in His will. We also realized that Paul’s contentment did not mean he didn’t desire change or pray for it in a particular situation. Instead, he was able to fully rest in his Lord Jesus and wait for His timing to work.

This leads us to other important questions for Christian wives and mothers to consider in relation to contentment. We may agree that we want to be content and would like to learn this contentment. However, we don’t really know where to begin. We are too steeped in our natural inclinations and wrong thoughts. Paul is a wonderful teacher of contentment, so let’s again turn to what he has to say. Was there an area of Paul’s life that was difficult for him? What did he do about it? What was God’s response, and how did that affect Paul?

“And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

Paul had what he called a “thorn in the flesh.” He asked the Lord three times to be relieved from his “thorn in the flesh.” However, the Lord’s answer was “no.” God had a purpose in Paul’s difficulty and was going to use it as a demonstration of His grace and strength in Paul’s life. What was Paul’s response and ultimately his secret to contentment? He chose to “take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

For me, personally, this goes totally against my natural, fleshly reactions to hard circumstances. What I feel like doing is to grumble, complain, be irritated and unhappy, feel sorry for myself, and try to figure out a solution. I am still at the stage in my Christian walk where I must choose to “. . . [bring] into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5) because it isn’t my first, automatic reaction to take pleasure in what I don’t like.

James learned the same lessons as Paul did about contentment and facing the areas of our lives that would rob us of contentment. “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing” (James 1:2-4). The word “count” means “to consider, deem, account, think” (Strong’s Greek and Hebrew Dictionary). This is an act of my will. It is a decision I make as to how I will think about my trials. James didn’t tell me to simply accept my trouble, to endure my difficulties, or to grit my teeth until it was past. No, he said to “count it all joy.” JOY! Doesn’t that sound like an impossible reaction to hardship? It is, when I am relying on myself. I have the choice to make regarding my thoughts. God does the work in my life.

There are two sections of Scripture I would like to look at regarding our view of difficulties. These passages show me that God has purposes far beyond just getting through a struggle. What these verses teach me is that my focus is everything. My natural reactions put myself in the limelight. How does this affect my comfort level? Is this to my liking? Can I see anything positive in it? Scripture tells me that Jesus Christ is to be the center and object of my thoughts and therefore, as always, the focus. When this is true, then I can rest. Resting is the place of faith and trust in my sovereign God. It is acceptance that He knows what is best for my life. I am to count it as joy. When I receive trials with this attitude, then I am content. My joy is not in what is happening but rather in my relationship with Jesus Christ.

“Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us” (Romans 5:1-5).

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh . . . For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:8-11, 16-18).

We know that our attitudes are, in large measure, the attitudes of the home as a whole. Seeing that Scripture teaches us contentment is important and knowing this from personal experience as well, may we seek contentment. May we begin to make the choice to “count it all joy” and to take “pleasures in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.”

Contentment – Part 1

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Recently I had a question posed to me about living a life of contentment. I expect this is something with which we can all easily struggle to one degree or another. Sometimes our lack of contentment is in material things, but often it revolves around spiritual desires—areas we know would be God-honoring if they were changed.

Here is what this mom writes:

It seems I am NEVER content with anything. So I decided to write a gratitude list, and it was huge. Then I tried to write a contentment list and there was NOTHING. So I wrote a discontentment list. They were things that I don’t think the Lord would be content with either.

I am grateful that my children’s behavior is improving, but I am not content with their behavior. I am not content. I don’t have a church. I am not content. I don’t have a godly husband. I am not content watching TV every night with my husband. I am not content. We live in such a remote place. I am not content that I’m not more self-disciplined.

For each of those things, there are areas I’m thankful about, but I am never content. I always want more. Just because they’re godly things I want more of, does that make it all right to live so discontented? The Bible tells us to be content. It also tells us to run the race. I don’t think I’m getting it! A mom

Paul tells us in Philippians 4:11-12 what his experience with contentment has been. “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.” Paul could relate to our struggles with contentment, and then some! Let’s look at the circumstances Paul faced that were a part of his road to learning contentment.

“. . . in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness. Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:23-28).

How could a man walking in obedience to Jesus Christ, who experienced these trials because of that obedience, say he had learned to be content “in whatsoever state I am”? What can we glean from him about contentment? What is Paul’s secret? What is it that helped him to accept the negative circumstances God allowed in his life?

Paul tells us in his own words, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21). “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). It was Paul’s relationship with Jesus Christ that made him content. Our contentment does not come in our circumstances or lack of them, but rather in our relationship with Jesus Christ. “Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth” (Colossians 3:2).

In Paul’s life, it appears that his contentment was rooted in his total dependence on Jesus Christ and obedience to His will. Living in prison, being beaten and shipwrecked certainly could not have been pleasant experiences. However, Paul knew he was doing exactly what the Lord had told him to do. Therefore, he was content no matter what happened.

Dr. Adrian Rogers clarifies this further for us in his book The Lord Is My Shepherd. “Perfect contentment, the kind David discovered, only comes when a person puts his or her complete trust in the Shepherd. You will never have true satisfaction until you can say, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd’ and mean it. Then, and only then, can you confidently say, ‘I shall not want.’”

Vine’s Expository Dictionary defines the word “content,” used by Paul in Philippians 4, as “to be sufficient, to be possessed of sufficient strength, to be strong, to be enough for a thing.” Contentment as defined here is the ability to accept and withstand the circumstances, even negative ones.

One thing we may be dealing with is a difference between what biblical contentment truly is and what we, in our culture, think of it as being. We tend to define contentment as being happy with the way things are and having no desire for change. I don’t think that is the kind of contentment Paul means. Paul’s contentment was rooted in trusting his sovereign God in the situations he was experiencing. However, I expect Paul was happy to be out of prison when he was released.

How does all this relate to contentment in our lives as Christian wives and mothers? For a practical example, let’s take one area from the discontent mom, who shared her heart with us. Since we can probably all relate, we will consider our children’s behavior and find an analogous situation that Paul faced. “Beside those things that are without, that which cometh upon me daily, the care of all the churches” (2 Corinthians 11:28). We see regularly through Paul’s writings that the churches had problems and struggles. They needed to learn and grow. This is true of our children as well.

Did Paul’s contentment mean he did nothing concerning the churches, that he had no desire to see them change? No! Paul prayed for the churches, he taught them, he lived in their communities, and he admonished them. Paul did what the Lord directed him to do in relation to his work with the churches. However, his contentment did not mean he didn’t want to see these churches change. Rather, his contentment was an ability to trust the Lord to work.

Our goals for our children would be similar to Paul’s goals for the churches—that they would walk worthy of the Lord (Colossians 1:10). We obediently do what we are called to do by bringing our children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). We pray for our children just as Paul prayed for the churches. Daily, always, in every prayer, without ceasing: these were some of the words he used to describe his prayers for the churches. Through Christ’s strength, we resolutely disciple and teach our children.

We don’t become weary when the task of raising our children is long and difficult. Our contentment is in our relationship with Jesus Christ and joy in Him rather than in what is or isn’t happening in our children’s lives. Contentment, then, means we rest in the Lord’s working in our children’s lives. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). We keep our eyes on Jesus and trust Him.

In conclusion, I would like to share a story about a group of people who have had to flee their homes because of government military persecution. They have been forced to leave their lands, homes, and jobs. Many have lost lives as well. These people are living impoverished lives in refugee camps, in a country not their own, with only the barest necessities provided. They have been given no hope of a change in the future. However, here is the report of a visitor concerning some of the Christians in this refugee camp.

During this time in the camps, he heard singing constantly. Any time day or night, the Christians were singing or studying the Scriptures. They would study into the night and fall asleep at their table, then wake to study some more. At 11:00 at night people were singing. At 3 a.m. he awoke to hear people still singing. Before dawn and throughout the day, everywhere he went, people sang praise to God.

There is nothing in their circumstances to make these people content, yet the sound of their singing expresses contentment. They have nothing, and yet, because of Jesus Christ, they have everything!

As we desire to be the wives and mothers Jesus Christ would have us be, may we daily be content exactly where He has us. May we serve, love, and minister with hearts learning, as Paul did, “. . . in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

Homeschool Mom Christmas Stress

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With the Christmas season upon us, the “have-to’s” of traditions can become consuming. Then we find ourselves stressed out rather than enjoying the celebration of the birth of our Savior. Personally, we have several goals for our family through our Christmas activities. In an effort to keep the season pleasant and worshipful, we try to keep our traditions simple, fitted to our spiritual goals.

Changes

After Steve and I were saved, the Lord directed us to some changes in what we did at Christmas. We first eliminated Santa Claus from our home. For a while we continued hanging up stockings for the children and telling them that Dad and Mom filled them during the night. The children’s Christmas stockings were too cute to throw away and too much a part of our family tradition. After a few years, though, we felt that we were compromising as the Israelites sometimes did. We decided to stop any vestige of Santa Claus.

We no longer put up a Christmas tree. The first year without this traditional Christmas trimming was because we didn’t want the frustration of trying to keep a toddler safely away from the tree. However, before the next year rolled around, we read Jeremiah 10:3-5 and realized how much the cut tree in the passage sounded like a Christmas tree. Because we wanted to make sure there was no possibility of the tree taking an out-of-proportion role in our Christmas, we chose no longer to have a Christmas tree.

When we made that change, we also decided to make all of our Christmas decorating distinctively Christ focused. That meant quite a purging of the Christmas decorations.

Simple Yet Meaningful Christmas Traditions

Without purposing to do so, we have created some family Christmas traditions that have become very meaningful to us, kept us Christ focused, and built family memories. We have found that it is important to keep these traditions simple and easy to carry on each year. There have been years when we added Christmas traditions that were a burden rather than a joy. It doesn’t take very many of these “good” ideas to make Christmas a dreaded time rather than one to expect with excitement.

We want our children to learn the importance of giving to those who have need. We participate in Samaritan Purse’s Operation Christmas Child shoebox outreach. On an evening in November, we will take the children to Wal-Mart where they all excitedly give suggestions on what to purchase for the boxes. On another night the children open the items that are to go in the boxes and fill each box up.

This year, one item for the girl’s box was a cute little doll. Our six-year-old, Mary, carried that doll throughout Wal-Mart with her. When we came home, she stood by the kitchen counter, where the boxes were temporarily set, holding the doll. We were so pleased, though, that she never once asked to keep the doll. She understood its purpose.

One goal for our family’s Christmas is that our children learn, “. . . It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). The tradition in our home that reinforces this goal revolves around the children planning and buying gifts for family members. This has become very special to each of them. We will frequently hear them discussing how much they love to choose, buy, and give gifts to their parents, brothers, and sisters. Often they will make great financial sacrifices to do this.

We take the month of December to focus our family Bible time on Christ’s birth. We will spend some time in the Old Testament looking at the prophecies of Christ’s birth. Then we go to the New Testament and read the Gospel accounts of Jesus’ birth. We learn about, discuss, and ponder the miracle of Jesus Christ and His birth.

Another desire of our hearts is that our children would learn to serve and minister with no expectations. On an evening near Christmas, we go caroling to the nursing home and also to our neighbors. Last year the highlight was a dear old man confined to his bed in the nursing home and appearing to be almost unconscious. His eyes were closed and his blanket pulled up under his chin. When we started singing “Silent Night,” he couldn’t open his eyes, but almost immediately he began an agitated moving of one of his hands. As we continued singing, he struggled with his arm and the blanket. Finally, he pulled his hand out, eyes still closed, and lifted his arm in praise to the Lord. I don’t think there was a dry adult eye as we left that room.

We want our children to be drawn into worshipful thoughts of Jesus Christ. On Christmas Eve, we look forward to a family ride in the van to look at Christmas lights. While we drive, we listen to the Twelve Voices of Christmas, a dramatic presentation of the key players in the Christmas story. It is moving and awe inspiring, raising all of our hearts in praise for the sacrifice Jesus Christ made for us.

Christmas evening is set aside for reading Luke’s account of the birth of Christ. Many years ago, Grandma made up a program for this that we have used ever since. Each person who can read is given, on a slip of paper, a reference for a prophetic or Gospel verse relating to the birth of Christ. Grandad is the narrator, with people reading their particular verses at the designated time. We also have appropriate Christmas carols interspersed. This simple Christmas program is available for anyone whom it might bless.

To increase the excitement and interest level for the children, Grandma has an empty Nativity sitting out on a shelf. All the figures that go into the Nativity have been wrapped in tissue paper and are waiting in a bag by her side. Throughout our Christmas program, one by one, the children will come and take a figure from the bag and set it in the Nativity scene.

Sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ is high on our list of priorities. Christmas affords us an excellent witnessing outreach time for Jesus. Each year, Steve, Nathan, and Christopher choose Christmas cards that are overtly Christian and glorify Jesus Christ to send to their clients. We have the opportunity of giving homemade goodies, which include notes with truths from God’s Word, to our neighbors.

We want what we do on Christmas and the days before it to have purpose and meaning. It is a special day and season—one of joy for the Maxwell house. We pray that as your family evaluates its Christmas traditions and activities, you, too, will make it as free of stress as possible with a continual focus on Jesus Christ.

What About Young Adult Children?

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It is not uncommon for questions to be posed to Steve and me concerning parenting young-adult children. Should they live with their parents? Should the parents have rules in the home and discipline their adult children if they disobey? While this may appear to be a topic relating to only a few, in reality, parents of children of any age will someday be facing these situations. We would love to give parents of young children a vision of what it can be like when their children grow up and still live in their home.

All three of our older children have chosen to live at home until marriage. One is twenty-five and has been married since January of this year. Our other two are twenty-three and twenty, and they both live at home. It is our desire that by sharing our thoughts and experiences with adult children living in our home, you might be challenged and motivated in your own thinking.

We have personally seen the benefit to children remaining at home until marriage. Scripture says that a man leaves his father and mother to be joined to his wife (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:5, Mark 10:7, Ephesians 5:31). This is why we believe it is biblical and beneficial for adult children to live in their family’s home, under parental counsel, until marriage or until the Lord calls them to something else such as mission work.

Here are some other advantages we have personally seen as our children live at home:

  • There are fewer temptations with the accountability of living at home in a family. We see this as very positive. For example, many godly men and women who travel to conferences go with their spouse, an adult child, or a friend. Why? Because they know the temptations that even spiritually mature adults face. How much greater would such temptations be for younger, less mature men and women?
  • The children remain under the spiritual protection and counsel of their parents.
  • Their living expenses are less so they can save for future family needs, as our boys have saved to purchase homes debt-free.
  • Family ties and relationships are maintained.

Proverbs speaks over and over about the differences between a wise son and a foolish son. One characteristic of a wise son is that he heeds the counsel and rebuke of his parents. It is likely the problems that generate the questions such as are in the first paragraph of this article wouldn’t even be brought up if the adult children in the family were spiritually mature. Spiritually mature adult children respect the counsel and boundaries of their parents. We can testify to this from experience.

We haven’t had to require our adult children to obey us. When issues come up, they will ask our counsel. We then discuss the situation, pray about it, discuss it some more, and almost always come to a decision in agreement. If a child has asked to do something we believe to be unwise, through our talking and praying time, they have come to an understanding of why we think that to be so, and also an agreement with it. Occasionally they don’t agree, but they have respected our judgments and accepted them simply because they respect their parents—again a sign of spiritual maturity. The children have been receptive to our counsel.

With adult children, our roles as parents have changed from disciplinarians to friends and counselors—roles that were developing and growing throughout their childhood. We are all still learning how our new roles work. For us, as parents, this has meant we have needed to let go of being in authority in our adult children’s lives.

We have found these years to involve daily opportunities for us to interact with each other in mutual respect. We realize our adult children are to be treated as the adults they are. We are desirous that our relationships with them be characterized by love and deference. “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17).

We do not discipline our adult children. The adult child is responsible to the Lord for his decisions. Having our older children’s hearts makes it possible to influence their decisions, but we no longer give consequences for bad choices. Consequences at this point, if there are any, come from the Lord.

The peer activities our adult children choose to participate in would not be an evening of hanging out with friends. Rather, it would be Sarah having a friend over for an afternoon to make cookies and scrapbook. It would be Christopher taking one of his friends out for dinner and fellowship.

Steve and I are far from perfect parents! However, we have had hearts to, as fully as we could, love Jesus and apply His Word in every aspect of our lives, including raising our children. This often led us to make different decisions with the children than other parents were making with their children. Despite those who told us it would never work, we have experienced the joy of watching our three oldest children grow through the teen years and into the young-adult years without rebellion. The Lord has clearly been working in their lives, and He gets all the glory for where they are today.

Steve and I both write extensively on the choices and decisions we have made in child raising. If you have younger children and are interested in the background steps to our young-adult children living at home, then we would suggest you read our book, Keeping Our Children’s Hearts (see Additional Resources, page 385).

If you have a teen or young adult with whom you are having trouble, we suggest Dr. S. M. Davis’ resources, particularly his audio Changing the Heart of a Rebel. We personally do not have the time or the answers to specific questions concerning individual situations but highly recommend Dr. Davis’ materials.

We have had such joy in our adult children living in our home. Certainly, there are times of disagreement, but with the Lord’s help, we work through them. We have seen the benefits of the added accountability and protection of living in the family home for the purity of our adult children. We have personally observed the help parental counsel has been in these children’s lives.

We have loved moving from the role of disciplinarian to the role of counselor. We enjoy conversations and time with our older children. We see them growing in spiritual maturity and often seek input from them on our personal and family decisions. We desire that they feel loved, sheltered, valued, and wanted in our home until the Lord calls them to be married. We would be delighted to see your homes blessed, as ours has been, if your children are living at home as young adults.