Success or Failure Oriented?

Dads, have you observed the new popular guidelines?

  • Don’t eat together as a family. One way to do that is not to have a set time for meals. Keep mealtime a secret until 5 minutes prior. Even if you know the time, demonstrate your independence by sitting down only when you feel like it. Also, consistent with this behaviour, don’t help your wife clean up after eating.
  • Don’t set a bedtime, and if you do, ignore it. Stay up late watching TV or doing something “important” on the computer. It is the most effective way to guarantee your wife can’t function well the next day (actually you too). To make sure this is an ingrained pattern for the children, allow them to enjoy movies and the media of their choice as late as they want. They will be irritable the next day and despise anything that looks like education.
  • Make pleasure/entertainment your pursuit, and you will fit right in with our society. No one will call you weird or peculiar if you do.
  • Be encouraged, these simple rules will easily be acquired by your children, and if you don’t like the outcome in their lives, it won’t be too difficult to find someone to blame. It’s not your fault anyway. 

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed” (Proverbs 13:20).

Steve

Are You Insane?

Here’s a test: Do you do the same thing over and over and expect or hope for different results? That was Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity.

Scripture admonishes us to change —forsake old ways and embrace new ones.  We are new creatures in Christ. “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Sure old ways die hard. They are comfortable because we are used to them, but where God calls, He enables. “I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called” (Ephesians 4:1).

Steve

Bossy, Controlling Daughters

In traveling, speaking, and interacting with families, we often observe some undesirable characteristics especially in first-born daughters. We also receive e-mails from moms seeking suggestions about these girls. While it begins earlier than this, the concerns are generally raised when the girl is 7 or 8.

Characteristics

This daughter bosses and controls her siblings. She corrects her parents and regularly, but not always, disrespects them with words and attitudes. She responds selfishly and emotionally when she doesn’t get her way. She manipulates. When in a conflict with a sibling, she tells the story, making herself out as faultless and a victim of her sibling’s wrong behavior with no other option than to do what she did that was also wrong.

Parents know this behavior isn’t right whether it is from a first-born girl or third-born son, but they don’t know how to tackle it. It is exacerbated by the fact that the child is often right. Mom or Dad forgot something. Little brother did what he shouldn’t do. Sister didn’t feed the dog.

Sometimes these daughters develop their bossiness and controlling because they are given responsibility at young ages, especially with siblings. Because of their maturity, these girls are wonderful help.

A Team Plan

Here are some thoughts on what you might do to tackle this situation. Initially, agree as husband and wife that there is a problem to be addressed. If allowed to continue, the patterns become ingrained and difficult to root out. “Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right” (Proverbs 20:11). Controlling will greatly undermine her ability to be a godly helpmeet should she eventually marry.

Work as a team, discuss her issues, and pray together about them. Seek the One Who knows your child, you, and the future. Cry out to Him for wisdom, direction, tenacity, and the patient spirit you need.

Then develop a purposeful plan to turn her attitudes around based on what the Lord showed you and Scripture that applies. Include responses to the negative attitudes, actions, and words your child displays.

Implementation

Lovingly and privately in a discipleship manner talk with your daughter about the problem. Ask if she wants to grow up to be bossy, controlling, and critical. Hopefully she says she doesn’t, and then share with her other options she can choose. Teach and instruct her from God’s Word concerning her behavior.

Help her learn to take her concerns to the Lord in prayer rather than correcting or controlling. After all, He can remind you, and if He doesn’t, you will soon discover what she wanted to correct you concerning. If you don’t, it doesn’t matter any way. Set aside a special time each week to meet with her for ongoing talks and accountability.

Be consistent. Each time your daughter corrects you, remind her that it isn’t appropriate. Point out when her words, attitudes, or actions are not sweet and respectful. Be short and matter-of-fact, not lecturing. Consider a secret sign that you can give her that she will notice and others won’t, in an attempt to correct her behavior without embarrassing her to others.

Limit the time this daughter has child-care assignments, and when she does have those jobs, supervise. Help her with loving, patient strategies.

Finally, make sure you are the best possible role model, starting with your interactions with your husband. Don’t be a critical, controlling, disrespectful wife. Don’t treat your children that way either.

Outcome

God desires this in a woman: “a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price” (1 Peter 3:4). Will your daughter exemplify this later in life if she isn’t as a child? Will you help her away from her bossy, controlling ways or continue facilitating them?

Posted in: Mom's Corner

The Best

Wanting to improve is a wonderful goal in starting the new year. May we join our hearts together in this simple desire:

“That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death” (Philippians 3:10). 

Steve